Demons and Sinners
by Alsper
Summary: Everyone has a demon that makes you sin. Can Alice escape the violence to find her white rabbit? Will Jasper see through the pain for his true salvation? AH/AU Not intended for the weak hearted. Rated M for Sex, Drugs and Violence
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, or the characters. Which just sucks really.**

**Summary: Everyone has a demon that makes you sin. Can Alice escape the violence to find her white rabbit? Will Jasper see through the pain for his true salvation? AH/AU Not intended for the weak hearted. Rated M for Sex, Drugs and Violence**

**A/N: This is a dark story. Drugs use, sex, swearing, violence, the works. Not for the faint of heart or the easily shocked. I know we have a lot of carry over fans from One More Shot. Let me make this very clear. THIS IS NOT LIKE ONE MORE SHOT. **

**And do not make us go all mama bear on you. If you are not old enough to see an R-rated film you should not be reading this story. **

**Keep in mind that you have been warned.**

**Thanks to Emmy, our aussie girl and an awesome friend, for betaing this for us. We love you hard girl.**

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**Prologue.**

_Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop._

_-The King, Alice in Wonderland_

**JPOV:**

I sat at the table in the cafeteria; drawing the Cheshire cat aimlessly in the notebook I was given. I'm surprised I was finally given one, and a pencil as well. I guess they decided I wasn't going to kill myself with a piece of paper and some lead. I heard the rustle of clothing as my adoptive father sat next to me. "You have a visitor," he whispered to me. I almost rolled my eyes at him, but he deserved better than that, respect wise.

"So I've noticed," my voice sounded bored. I didn't mean it to, it just came out that way. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"You might or might not like this," he began, and instantly I knew. I dropped my pencil. _Alice. Fuck. _"Be nice son, she's had a rough time of it too," I nodded curtly, pissed that they would bring her here. I held my breath as we stood and turned, his hand still firmly planted on my shoulder.

When I looked up and saw her it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. It seemed as though she too were being held in place, but by Esme, my adoptive mother, instead of Carlisle. I loved her and she hated me, this I knew. So why the fuck was she here?

She looked different as she stood there, still as a frightened deer. She had lost weight, not as much as I had, but still… Her hair was short and crazy looking. Her eyes; they held the most difference. They used to be bright blue and now they were dull and almost grey.

I felt a squeeze on my shoulder and instantly I broke from her gaze, looking at her, but no longer in her eyes. That was one thing I couldn't do. I was a prisoner of her eyes, doing whatever she wanted when we locked eyes like that.

"Hey," I finally said, trying to be polite. She merely nodded, I grew angry at that. She didn't want to be here. I knew she hated me, why did they bring her?

"What did you do to your hair?" I asked, looking at the crazy mess on top of her head, she looked hot, of course. Like she had just rolled out of bed. _Someone else's bed. _My stomach turned as I watched her run a bandaged hand through the black locks. _What the fuck happened there?_

"Got a cut, you like?" Of course I did. I ignored the question. It was all pointless air filler anyway. Anything to get Carlisle and Esme off my back.

"What happened to your hand?" That, I was actually curious about. She was usually pretty graceful so I knew she hadn't caused that.

"I uh," she started looking at her injured hand. "I had a run it with my past".

I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and holding her. I don't know if I could take it when she would flinch away.

"Oh, sorry" I said quietly, watching as Carlisle and Esme walked away and left us standing there.

"Yeah, well Em was there, so whatever".

Of course, Em the protector. _Whatever Jay, this ain't even about you, you know that, you need to get the fuck over yourself and find out why they brought her here. _

"You're skinnier," I stated, just letting my general opinion be known. She knows I like her with a bit more to her. This was just another way of letting me know she didn't care what I thought anymore.

"You're one to talk," she retorted her voice full of venom. What-the-fuck-ever, I don't need this crap. I rolled my eyes at her and turned to walk away, if she still wanted to fucking talk she'll follow me, I needed a fucking smoke.

"What, you're going to walk away after your mom and dad brought me here so we could talk?" she spat at my back. I glared at her from over my shoulder. She fucking knew I would need a smoke. _What the hell?_

"Then walk with me," I spat. _Fuck! Do I need to spell everything out? _She started to follow and I turned, walking toward the door and hitting it with such force that it bounced against the outside wall, and I continued to walk towards the courtyard, wishing I had a jacket. January in Washington is cold as fuck.

"Well you have to remember I have shorter legs then you, and besides I kind of have a bum knee at moment," she spoke in a tart voice getting closer to me. Her voice a bit winded.

_Well, fuck if she doesn't want to follow than why did she? _I spun to face her, she backed up instantly.

She looked scared.

_Good, 'bout time._ She needed to be fucking scared of me. It took her long enough.

"Fine!" I roared at her, stopping myself from getting my nicotine fix just so I could get rid of my ghost. "What. Do. You. Want?" I annunciated, ridding myself of my damn accent so I knew she understood me.

I watched as she stumbled, trying to back up away from me and on instinct I reached out to catch her. She caught herself and I pulled my arms back to my side.

"I uh... I..." She stuttered, trying to find the right words. "Oh Jesus, what happened Jasper? And I want the truth!" she finally yelled at me.

She wanted the truth? Truth was I fell in love with her and I never should have. I let her in when I shouldn't have, and she played me for a fool. Yet, if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.

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**A/N: feed our addiction and review!**


	2. Life in the Streets

**Disclaimer**: Things we own;** K**-420 Oreo cookies (Yes I counted cause I'm cool like that) A purple pen that I only use in my Tinkerbell notebook that are Jalice Ideas only, Alice's backstory because it's parts of mine, The name Sherry cause its my momma's name :P ; **Robs**- Cherry Softlips chapstick, 4 different pairs of oversized sunglsses, part of Jasper's backstory and most of my friends at spider solitare.

**Things we don't: Twilight, or the characters.**

**A/N: K: Okay so here it is!! But here's the switch... I AIN'T JASPER! O.O Hope you like Alice enough to listen to her side of the story. Um don't hate on her way of thinking. She only knows what she's learned. And I will go Momma bear over Alice.... Just sayin'**

**Robs: OOO so the first chapter, I dunno if you could tell, but the prologue is from the future. ;) We gotta get our girl and guy there. So we'll start with Alice, who is awesome. Loves to our peeps. **

**And Thanks as always to our super fantabulous beta Emmy1512; We love you hard girl.**

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Life on the streets**

"_Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery"_

_Andy Warhol August 6, 1928 – February 22, 1987_

APOV:

"Hey Mary, have you eaten anything yet?" A voiced called me out of the self induced haze. I looked up to see Jenny looking at me, offering me half a banana. I gave her a half smile.

"No thanks Jen, you can have it." She nodded, her red hair a frizzy mess. No doubt from the precipitation left from the rain the night before. Yeah, that was fun to sleep in, _not!_

"You know Mary, it's gonna be sunny today. Maybe you should head to the park. I bet you could find something else to draw besides your mystery man," she said, as she nodded into the direction of my sketch pad.

I looked down, growling softly at the sketch. I had been drawing him since my sixteenth birthday and its been driving me insane. The first drawing I had made, he was with a woman doing really nasty things that I think might be illegal in the US. But it wasn't the detail that I made of the act of the two lovers, but the detail in his eyes that made me keep it.

Even though he was so clearly in the moment of passion, his eyes were unmistakably sad, thus creating my minor infatuation with him. I wanted to know why he was so sad.

I shoved my sketch book into my bag and pulled myself up from the ground.

"You're right Jen, I'm gonna head to the park. I'm running low on some things so maybe I can find a John too." I shrugged noncommittally. The joy's of being a runaway, you resort to thievery or prostitution.

Well, for me, thief is not my forte, no thanks to the shit I went through at the hands of my stepfather and stepbrother. I tend to be jumpy in stressful situations.

So I do what one has to do to survive on the streets, I suck dick for a living. It's not much, but hey, I can make any where from twenty to a hundred bucks, depending on what I do, how I do it, and what I let them do while I do it. I refuse to let them fuck me though.

I wasn't always like this. In fact, I think I was a happy child at one point. My mom used to joke and call me her little 'Miss America', because I was born on the day of our nation's independence. Yeah, trust me, I see the irony in that.

Sure, I had a mom and dad. Well at least until I was five. See here's the fucked up thing, I'm responsible for my dad being dead. I started drawing since the moment I could hold a pencil and one day, I drew a picture of my dad in a coffin. Yeah, I was only four at the time, my parents were scared shitless. They took me to a doctor that said I was experiencing something similar to 'ghost writing'. My mom was convinced I was possessed, but my dad, my loving, kind and caring father said I was special, intuitive. I believed him.

That was until that night he got laid off from his job. California was having major economy issues and daddy was the first to be let go at work. That night he kissed my mother and I goodnight, and left to the garage. I had hoped he didn't want to work on the soap box car we were making for the big derby in San Francisco by himself, so I followed him. Looking back now, I wished I hadn't.

I got there long enough to see my father pull the trigger of the gun he had bought for my mom as protection while he was on business. Some fucking protection that turned out to be. Instead it made things worse.

My ghost drawings were a forbidden thing to my mother. Something that was taboo and never to be spoken about again, especially since she blamed me. I guess it was easy to see how it's my fault, when the coroner pries the drawing a four year old made of your coffin.

Not even less then a month after daddy was worm food, mom moved us up north to a town called Anderson. I hated every moment of it. This place was small, dirty and smelled like poop.

"A bit of country air never hurt anyone." Sure mom, if you say so.

I actually thought things were going to be alright for a while. My mom and I had moved on past daddy's death and started to become more of a family then we were before. That was until she met Jorge.

Sure he was charming, a good father to his son, and treated my mom like a princess. He made my mom smile and seemed nice to me most of the time, but I started to 'ghost draw' again. I began to trust the drawings more then the Hispanic man that was wooing my mother.

His son James wasn't that bad either, considering he was four years older then me. I often teased him that he was the milk man's child cause he had blond hair and striking blue eyes, when his dad had jet black hair and 'full of shit' eyes, as my best friend Sherry dubbed later.

When I was seven, I had a new father and a new brother. As well as a few scars from a broken ankle and leg. Like I said, things were grand until they came into the picture.

My mom became domicile. She was usually very out spoken and opinionated, but learned fast that she would receive a fist if she spoke out of turn. I, on the other hand, didn't get the beatings as bad. I learned to cook at eight and was caught into a sick version of Cinderella by my ninth birthday. I would cry at night while watching Alice in Wonderland, wondering when my white rabbit would rescue me.

About the time I was fourteen, I began to realize shit at home was not normal. Children are not meant to be in homes where they were slaves and you were most definitely not supposed to hurt the ones you loved in any shape or form. At this time, Jorge's drinking started to get drastic, he would start first thing in the morning, go to work drunk as a skunk and come home worse then he left.

I remember telling Sherry that I was afraid that he would do something worse then slap me. She always told me that I needed to get mom and me out of there before something bad happened. But what was I going to do? I was only fourteen. No one listens to the kid.

I talked to James about it, thinking since he was my friend and loved me like I loved him, that he could help. I told him that I believed Jorge would one night take advantage of me. It wasn't hard to believe when he always called me a 'whore', 'slut' or 'tramp'. So James offered to help me.

He had convinced me that I should give the one thing that is most valuable to a woman, to the one I loved, meaning him. I hadn't even kissed a boy yet! But he was right; I loved him at the time.

Looking back now, his logic was just as fuck as he and his father were in the head. At first James was loving to me, he made me think he cared. When I told Sherry what we had shared, she of course freaked out. Not because he was my brother by law, but because he took advantage of me. I didn't understand her and refused to talk to her for accusing him of being like Jorge.

Of course I should have known she was right. Shortly, after I was fifteen, what beatings Jorge wouldn't give me, James sure as fuck made sure I got them. The fucked up thing about it, he would always kiss me before hand. They were always so tender and caring, but then five minutes later he'd shove me against a wall and punch me in the stomach.

I started hiding in the bathroom to cry in the shower, this was the only place that I could hide. I remember shaving my legs one night and seeing red streak down my leg. I remember the pain and despair that I was feeling at that moment begin to be released as the blood washed away down the drain. That's when I started the cutting, finding that self inflicted pain was better then the shit James dished out.

I got smart about the cutting, only doing it on my legs, little bits here and there, so I could easily pass them off as a 'shaving knick'. I knew if either of the step-monsters found out, they would surly beat the living shit out of me.

Finally, two weeks after my sixteenth birthday, was the time that broke the proverbial straw. My mom and I had come home late from a school event. She had gone to support the art club I was in. Jorge was pissed face drunk and livid that his food was take out. I remember him grabbing my mom's upper arms and slamming her so hard against the wall that the pictures frames fell around them from the wall. I honestly believed my mom had, had enough this night too, because for the first time in the nine years that they had been married she finally told him to fuck off.

That was when he slammed his forehead to hers. When he let go of her, I watched as she slid down the wall, landing on the floor in a helpless slump.

"You fucking prick! Stop beating my mom you spineless shit!" I yelled at him as I jumped on to his back, scratching at his face. He threw me off of him. Thankfully, I had landed onto the couch and not on the glass coffee table that he was, undoubtedly aiming for.

"If you don't like it, then leave you fucking whore!" He spat at me as he stumbled to his room. I scrambled onto my hands and knees to check on my mom. She was breathing thankfully but in a daze.

"Mommy!" I cried as I looked her over. She smiled sadly at me, I could see the pain in her eyes. She lifted her hand to cup my face.

"I love you Mary Alice, but I can't protect you from them. Please leave before he comes back. I couldn't live knowing he hurt you. I'm so sorry." Were her last words to me.

So I did just that, I packed my things in my messenger bag, sent a text to Sherry telling her that as soon as I got to where ever the white rabbit was taking me, that I would call her.

I made it to as far as Redding, not very fucking far if you ask me, but I made it. I spent my first night on the street and wanted to do nothing more then cry. That was until a tall blond with glasses came over with coffee and a donut.

His name was Ernie. He was a very nice man. It turned out that the alley I had slept in was to his tattoo shop. He allowed me to come inside and clean up, then started to teach me about the art that is known as tattooing.

Next thing I knew it was November, I was helping make tattoo designs and was an unofficial apprentice to Ernie. I was surprised at the kindness this man and his wife had shown me and I was thankful for it. I made sure to always help out around the house and what ever tips I got for helping with tat designs I gave to them.

I remember one night at the shop, Ernie didn't want to go home, something about Alison and he weren't on the best of terms. I just shrugged it off and hung out with him at the shop.

He started sketching a pixie like girl with long black hair. I noticed every once in a while he would look up at me and study my face before drawing again.

"Ernie what are you doing?" I asked. He smiled.

"You know you look like a pixie right, a Goth pixie but a pixie no less." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well, I was wondering why you called me 'Tink' all the time."

"That's easy. You Mary, have the fire of Peter Pan's Tinkerbell. Lord help the woman that tries to kiss your Peter Pan." He smiled as he handed the drawing over.

"I'd add wings to her." I said as I began to add them.

"Why wings?"

"So when shit gets to bad, she can fly above it all and find where she was truly meant to be."

That night, I was branded with my own personal pixie. A reminder that one day I would rise above the shit and find where I was destined to be.

Finally, just after the first of the year, it was time to move on. I had returned to Ernie's house to find it surrounded by cops. Naturally I freaked out. I was a sixteen year old runaway after all. They'll lock your ass up for that shit. Or worse, call the step-monster.

As I got closer, I heard Ernie say to the cops, "You know I hope Tink makes it to the shop, I have her pay check waiting with Anna." When his grey eyes locked on mine, I knew what he was saying.

I calmly walked past the cops and headed around the corner. As soon as I knew it was safe, I ran to the shop, where sure enough, Anna had an envelope waiting for me. Inside were a thousand dollars cash and a note that simply said, "Fly to where your wings will take you."

So here I am, in a park in Seattle. I've in and out of shelters from the beginning of January until about three weeks ago. I couldn't handle that shit. Most of the woman's shelters wanted to pray over you and what the fuck else ever. I've never been one to believe in God, but would you with my past?

I looked down at my drawing, the man in it had his back to me as he looked over his shoulder smirking. His wavy hair in his eyes, as he seemed to be cooking. At least that's what I think he was doing since I had added cabinetry to the picture.

Just then my stomach growled. Yeah, I was fucking hungry.

I put the book back in my bag and reached in my pocket. Two dollars, _fuck_.

_Next time you want shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and extra panties, either suck dick for more then twenty or go to the dollar store Mary Alice._

I faintly saw the symbolic golden arches in the distance and suddenly had a craving for Coke and a Mc Chicken sandwich.

When I opened the door to the restaurant, I was instantly assaulted by the smell of deep fried potatoes and grilled burgers. I walked up to the line at the counter, trying to figure out what it was going to cost me.

Finally it was my turn and like the idiot I was, I wasn't prepared. I didn't hear the guy talk to me at first, I was too busy staring at his 'fuck me' green eyes. I watched as his lip curled into a smirk.

_He's talking to you dumb shit!_ My brain screamed at me.

"Oh, um… What can I get for two dollars?" I chewed on the inside of bottom lip, as I watched him look me over. He shook his head a bit as if answering himself.

"Tell me what you want and I'll tell you if you can get it." He said, his voice was deep and the accent was like those I heard in westerns.

"A Mc Chicken and a small Coke please." I gave him a half smile. He just nodded, then looked at me.

"That's two seventeen."

"Oh, then just the sandwich." I could feel the color rise on my cheeks. Again he nodded as he handed me my change and receipt. I could feel my knees get weak when his fingers touched my hand, making it tingle.

I said thank you as I headed over to where the napkins where. I could see him look over at me again, but I just shrugged it off. He no doubt thought that I was some dumb kid.

I pulled the hair tie off my wrist as I pulled my hair into a pony tail. It was spring, and long hair is not your friend in the warmer weather.

I tilted my head as I watch the guy work. He leaned over to reach for something giving me an excellent view of his ass. I bit back a smirk as I imagined grabbing his ass as he fucked me senseless. I shook my head at my thoughts. I was sure a guy as fucking sexy as he was, was spoken for.

I heard him call the number for my order and approached the counter. He stood there with a bag and a large Coke.

"Have a good day darlin'," he smiled at me as he handed me the stuff. I looked at him confused and quickly read his name tag. _Jasper._

"There's some mistake Jas-" He cut me off with a look that clearly said to 'shut the fuck up'. I was terrified but extremely turned on by it.

"Have a good day." He said again, annunciating each word to emphasize it.

I rolled my eyes at him. There was no way in hell I was going to take a fucking hand out from the Rhett Butler wanna be.

"What time do you get off?" I asked.

His eyebrows practically shot up to the roof. "In two hours, why?"

"Because I have to repay you for this," I said as I grabbed the food and drink. He looked at me shell shocked as I spun on my heels to leave. I stopped glancing over my shoulder, "I'll see you after work, Jasper."

I walked back to the park, closer to the restaurant this time and checked the time on my cell phone. That's the only thing it was good for, since the step-monster made sure to kill my service the day after I left. I set the alarm function so I could get back before his shift ended, in case he decided to dodge me.

I took a sip of the Coke and smiled. _It's been too long my old friend, _I thought. I looked into the bag where there were two Mc Chickens, a thing of six piece nuggets, a medium fry, two apple pies and a thing of sweet and sour sauce. I giggled some. That was my favorite, how did he know I would like sweet and sour sauce?

I pulled out my sketch pad, drawing as I ate my lunch. This time I knew what I wanted to draw and was thankful that I could do it. I smiled as I saw his smirk coming to life with each stroke of my pencil. As the detail of his lips became clearer, I found myself cursing James for fucking me over. Never, in the last two years had I wanted to kiss someone as much as I found myself wanting Jasper. A complete stranger no less!

I licked the sweet and sour sauce off my bottom lip as I started to work on his eyes. I wished I had colored pencils to work with, but even they wouldn't do his eyes justice. They were such an unusual green, bright but darker towards the pupil.

I glanced down at what was left of my food. I only had the pies left. I carefully put them in my bag along with my notebook. I glanced at the time. I had an hour before it was time to see Jasper again. I groaned as I got off the grass. I know, I'll go clean up. No body likes a dirty whore.

After brushing my teeth and washing my hair in the bathroom at the park – thank God for the air dryer! I pulled my hair back up and looked at myself in the mirror. I frowned at my reflection. Even if I did give Jasper a decent blow job that's probably all I'll ever be to him, that random chick that blew him.

I shrugged at myself as I straighten out my shirt. Time to pay him back.

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**A/N: Tell us what you think! Review please!**


	3. Casting Me Out Of The Light

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight; Alsper the bunny, however, is ours. **

**A/N: Robs: Here we go, Jasper's POV, written by me, I know wow right? Special thanks to the peenateers, our fan girls are awesome. I know some of the things Jasper does are kinda messed up, but he is how he is. Sorry. **

**K:..... So can I find Jasper at my local McDonalds? O.o**

**And thank you to our Fuckawesome beta Emmy A.K.A. Emmy1512**

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**Casting Me Out Of The Light.**

_"Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted."_

JPOV:

I was born Jasper James Whitlock during a freak snowstorm in western Texas on December 12th, 1987. My parents were what I would consider normal; my mother worked at the local Five and Dime part time and my father was a used car salesman.

I don't remember much about my mother, other than her perfume. It was cheap and smelled like flowers. My father is a different story altogether. I wish I didn't remember much about that fucker.

It all started when I was about five years old. My mother ran away to California with some younger guy from her work. She said in her note that she had always dreamed of bigger things than being my mother and my father's, Mark's, wife. After that I learned quickly to hide in a closet whenever my father was drinking, and sometimes, even that didn't help.

He would beat me for whatever wrongdoings I had committed, real or imagined. I knew he blamed me for my mother leaving. In truth, I blamed myself as well. So I hid the beatings. Not because he told me too, but because I knew it was my fault. The worst part was being his ashtray. He would make me sit and not scream when he would butt out his cigarettes or cigars on me. If I screamed or cried, he'd beat me.

It continued like that for years, until one particularly bad incident when I was eight that left me unable to sit in class. I went to the school nurse and she looked at me, saw the scars that were left over from the years and called Child Protective Services. I haven't seen my father since.

For years I was bounced around from home to home. People immediately liked me, but when I got angry I would break stuff, and would be sent back due to destructive behavior. By the time I was twelve I had been in just as many homes.

That's when I ended up with the Gonzales's. Apparently their sixteen year old daughter, Maria, took a liking to me too. Let's just say she taught me just about everything I know. When CPS figured out what was going on a little while later they pulled me out of that home and I ended up with Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. They adopted me approximately six months later.

That's when I became Jasper James Cullen. Son of Carlisle and Esme, who never stopped worrying about me. I was brother to Edward and Emmett, who are also my best friends and way better men than I will ever be, and foster brother to Rosalie, who is pretentious, but loyal to a fault. Out of the kids, I am the youngest by two years. Rosalie and Edward are the same age. As a matter of fact, they were born within a few days of each other, and Emmett is the oldest. He's got three years on Edward, who is the next oldest.

We moved to Washington a year after I was adopted. Best decision ever. Get me away from my backwater roots and worthless existence. I only hoped that I could make myself a better adult than the ones I had been exposed to before Carlisle and Esme.

Their constant love and attention made sure I graduated from high school on time, with honors. I received several offers from colleges to play baseball for them, but chose WU because it was close to my family.

What a fucked up decision that was.

Within my first few months I was partying worse than a frat boy. Drugs and alcohol were everywhere and easily accessible. I had never been offered so much pussy in my life and, fuck, I am a man. I hit that shit, forwards, backwards, sideways, against walls, everywhere, anywhere. My grades dropped and I went on academic suspension. Then I just dropped out.

The two constant things in my life so far were my drugs and Maria. She followed me up here, little whore. She liked me too much. I hated her for everything she represented and for the way she fucking talked to me. Something about her made my skin crawl, but she let me do whatever to her, whenever I wanted it and she got me my meth cheap. I needed that shit, feeling high was my only outlet. So I went to her, like a follower to Jesus. Shit, more like Susan Atkins to fucking Charles Manson.

That is where I just happened to wake up this morning. Under fucking Maria.

_Fuck this bitch suffocates me. _

I shoved her off me, effectively waking her ass up.

"What the fuck?" she growled at me from the floor as I smirked at her and went to the bathroom in her piss poor excuse for a fucking apartment. After taking a drink of water from the tap, I tried to make myself look presentable enough to walk to my apartment on the other side of town. I hoped that I had enough time to get home and wash the smell of skank off me before my shift.

As I turned to leave the bathroom I almost jumped out of my skin. Fucking bitch was in my blind spot.

Her eyes raked my body. I closed my eyes, _stop looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. _

"Mmmm… one more time, Jesse James?"

_Don't fucking call me that! _I heard the growl escape from my throat and she giggled. One of these days I'm gonna end up killing her. I think this bitch wanted it too. Masochistic whore. I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was smirking at me wearing her robe as if she fucking had something to hide.

"I gotta work," I drawled, grabbing my shit and putting it in my pockets, making sure my rock was in the baggy. She scowled and crossed her arms. "What? I don't stop you from showing your shit to a bunch of drunken men. Don't stop me from making people smile," I rolled my eyes at her and shoved passed her.

_Dumb whore wants to fucking pout with me._

I left her place and walked up the stairs to the exit without so much as a backwards glance. I knew she'd always have me. She trained me after all. I was her fucking pet, so I treated her like a fucking toy. I smiled as I remembered what I did to her last night and pulled out a cigarette, put it to my lips and lit it, taking a long drag before I started to walk.

_I fucking need my car._

It took me just this side of an hour to walk home and ascend the steps to my third floor apartment above Goldberg's bakery. I looked at the clock on the stove. 9:30 the faded green letters read. I worked 11 to 6 today. Thankfully it was only about a 15 minute walk there. I stripped my clothes and removed the shit out of my pockets, fingering my rock before deciding to wait until after my day in hell. After all, I did wake up with one of the devil's minions, the day could only get better right?

After tossing my clothes in the washer, I walked to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stepped in, washing the salt from sweat and dried blood off me. I know the shit Maria and I do is wrong, but she fucking got off on it, and fuck I am one sick motherfucker, but so did I. Well, except for the time she fucking stabbed me. I ran my soap filled hand along my White Rabbit tattoo Maria paid for after the wound had healed.

_Fucking crazy ass, knife wielding, vampire obsessed bitch._

I think she felt guilty, because after that we didn't play her little knife games. Or maybe she was scared I would fucking kill her. Who fucking knows? But we just don't do it anymore. Now, I go to her and tell her what to do, she does it. Sometimes I don't tell her what to do and I just do it. She lets me; it's the way we work. She has daddy issues cause of whatever twisted reason and I have issues. Period. She wants to get hit, I hit her. She wants me to bite her, I bite her. She wants it up the ass… well, you get the point. It's the way we are. Twisted, yeah. Sick, most definitely. But it's the way she likes it, and well, I gotta get off, it's a part of who I am. I love the feeling.

I got out and pulled on my black slacks and white button up, and looked at myself in the full length mirror on the closet door. Checking to make sure my junk wasn't hanging out or anything. I smirked to myself. That would make some lady smile for sure. I looked myself in the eyes in the mirror.

_My hands on top of smaller hands pressing against the door frame, watching myself thrust in and out of her slick pussy as she moaned and watched too. _

Fuck. I hate it when thoughts like that pop into my head. Now I have to beat off. I went to the bathroom and took care of my problem before setting off to work. If this morning had been any indication, today was gonna be a long fucking day.

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I was right; dipshit after dipshit insulted my intelligence. I didn't even get a really pretty girl to look at or fantasize about… Or at least a girl my type… I took a cigarette break and watched as my hands grew shakier. Fuck, I should've gotten high before work.

When I got back I was immediately put on register to help with the long cue.

_Fuck, it's four in the afternoon people! _

I pressed the buttons and got people their orders. Really and truly, a monkey could do this job.

I looked up to the next customer and suddenly believed that there was a god who listened to my prayers. Petite, black hair and pretty blue eyes. Just what my wet dreams are made of. She seemed to be thinking, so I tried to get her attention.

"Can I take your order?" I drawled, laying it on a little thick. Make her look up and get her panties wet all at once, or at least that is what I hoped for. She did indeed look up, but the minute her pretty eyes met mine she seemed to be stupefied.

_Well, fuck I haven't had that sort of effect on a lady in a long while_. I could feel myself smirk at her.

"Oh um… What can I get for two dollars?" She pulled out the dollars and looked slightly embarrassed. I looked at her, then. Really looked at her. Her face was still slightly rounded, her body still becoming womanly. She's a teenager. Jailbait.

_Stop looking at her dumbass! _

I felt bad for her too… probably a runaway.

"Tell me what you want and I'll tell you if you can get it". I knew she wouldn't be able to afford it, I think she did too. I wanted to see if she was going be a smart ass.

"A McChicken and a small Coke please," she gave me a small smile that was not helping the problem I had in my pants at all. I nodded at her, she wasn't a smart ass. Now I really felt bad for her. Just bad luck for her.

"That's two seventeen," I didn't even have to push the buttons for that simple math. I knew that shit in my head. She blushed and broke eye contact.

"Oh, then just the sandwich".

I nodded to her and did my dummy work. My hand tingled where it touched hers when I gave her the change and receipt. Fucking her would be mind numbing. _Jailbait dumbass._

"Thank you," she said quietly and walked away. I watched her walk over to the condiment area, her hips swaying a little seductively in her cut off shorts. She pulled her black hair into a thick ponytail as she waited. Just right for- _Fuck stop that!_

_Food. _

She seemed to be hungry, so I got to work, do my good deed for the year. I grabbed two of the sandwiches she ordered, and some chicken nuggets. Who the fuck would say no to chicken nuggets? They are grub. I looked at the sauces to go along with them and looked at her again; she's a sweet and sour girl. I know that shit by instinct. I grabbed her a box of fries and some apple pies. She would probably appreciate something sweet.

I smirked. _I could give her more. _I stopped myself again. Really I need to figure out something to think about other than sex. Good deeds, I am doing one right now, even if I could get written up for giving away food. McDonalds is filled with a bunch of uncaring assholes. So I didn't want to get caught. I filled up a large coke for her and called her number.

She approached me and I handed her the bag of food and coke, smiling at the awestruck look on her face as I said "Have a good day, darlin'". Maybe someday she'll be of age and I can tap that. She looked at me confused.

"There's some mistake Jas-"

_What the fuck, you're gonna deny free food?! Shut up, kid and get the fuck out of here before you get me into trouble. _

"Have a good day," I said again, hoping that maybe if I talked slow and clear she'd understand me. She rolled her eyes at me.

"What time do you get off?" First thought that came into my head, whenever I thrust inside you. Second thought, what the fuck did she just ask me? She probably didn't want my first response.

"In two hours, why?"

"Because I have to repay you for this," she spun on her heel and started to leave, but first turned and gave me a determined look. She looked almost innocent as her hair was falling around her face from her ponytail.

"I'll see you after work, Jasper". _What did she just say to me? Did that really just happen? _I looked at my co-worker Larry, he smirked at me.

"Good deeds equal a fine piece of ass. I gotta remember that one," Larry chuckled and clapped me on the shoulder. Fuck, now I had to work the rest of my shift with a ragging boner because there was no way I was gonna stop thinking about her.

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Two hours didn't seem to go by fast enough. I'll admit I was curious as to what she was going to do to pay me back. I had a few ideas, but none of them fit with the image I had burned into my head of her. She looked really fucking innocent.

I said goodbye to some of the cooler peeps that work with me in hell and walked out the back door, sliding my hand along the stucco wall going around to the side I had seen her walk out earlier. She was there, hair up in a ponytail, a messenger bag slung over her shoulder, the sun shining just right so that she looked like an angel. I chuckled a little at the thought and walked up to her.

I rested my hand a little over a half a foot away from her elbow and looked down at her. "Hey there," I drawled. She looked at me a little surprised at my closeness I'm assuming and jumped away a little. I stayed where I was. She was like a scared deer. That made me smile a little. She knew I was dangerous, good for her.

"Hi, thanks for the food and drink. You really didn't have to put your ass on the line," She gave me a cute look and leaned up against the wall again. I'm sure anyone thinking the way I was would've done it. I shook my head at her and scoffed a little.

"Nah, it was nothing".

"Well thank you all the same. So umm, obviously I can't pay you back in monetary value, but I am talented in other areas…" she scooted closer and purposefully towards me.

_Fuck I wish I didn't have my mind permanently in the gutter; then I could figure out what she's trying to say to me._

I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Uh, what other areas?" I whispered, hoping to God she didn't think I was some sick pervert now. She licked her lips and left me momentarily entranced. She had really nice lips, the bottom one was fuller than the top, a perfect pout. I had the urge to kiss her.

"Well, depends on what you want".

_Wait, what? _Yes, she was fucking talking about what I are thinking about, but fuck, chick, first things first.

"How old are you?" I whispered again, feeling like a dirty old man. She responded by rolling her pretty eyes at me, okay bitch is older than I thought she was, but not by much.

"You know, you're the first guy to ask someone who's offering to blow him how old she fucking is". I gaped at her for a moment.

"Um… well... uh... Fuck," I stuttered, shit what was wrong with me?

_She fucking offered to blow you, fuck head. Those pretty lips and that pretty mouth wrapped around your cock. If you're fucking lucky you can talk her into riding it. Say something, stupid_! I shook my head at myself. "I live like 15 minutes from here," she nodded and smiled at me.

"Good, cause the asphalt hurts like a bitch on my knees".

I gaped at her for a moment as she smirked at me. _I was so wrong about the innocent thing. _I grabbed her hand and started pulling her in the direction of my building.

"Come on then," I haven't been so excited about a girl in awhile. Maybe I could taste her too. She looked like she tasted good. I was a pretty good guesser in that area. I bit my bottom lip as I thought about it, and quickened my pace.

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I opened the door, slightly apprehensive that she wouldn't like my apartment. Fuck, I knew this place wasn't anything close to the Ritz. I hope she wasn't expecting some Richard Gere type shit. I walked through the sparse entry and dropped my keys on the kitchen counter before walking to the living room and sitting on the couch. She followed and dropped to her knees in front of me.

I guess she didn't care. She started to undo my button and zipper as I unbuttoned and took of the shirt I hated wearing so much, leaving myself in my undershirt as she locked eyes with me and reached her small hand in through the opening. My breathing caught as I felt her wrap her cold hand around my very hard shaft and moved to pull me out.

"Wait". Her eyes went wide.

"What? You don't want this?"

_She's an eager little one isn't she? _I licked my lips at the thought of maybe getting more than just a BJ from her.

"No I do. Um, just, you wanna take your shorts off?"

"Sure," she shrugged, before giving me a tempting smirk.

"Do you want me to do it, or would you like the honors?" I raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. As if she needed to ask that.

"Stand up," I told her firmly and she stood in front of me. I reached out unbuttoned the top button and slid the slightly too big shorts down her hips and let them fall to the ground. As she stepped out of the shorts and her Chuck's, her legs were parted and I took the opportunity that presented itself to touch her through her panties.

_Fuck, she was wet. My kind of girl. _

I smirked at her. She bit her lip and looked down at me through her lashes. Trying to look innocent, but looking hot as fuck.

"You like?" she asked coyly. Instead of answering verbally I pulled her onto my lap and started to suck and kiss the sweet tasting flesh of her neck, making her moan a little as I bucked my hips a little into her instinctively.

I continued my sucking and kissing down to her collarbones as her fingers raked my scalp and tugged lightly on my hair. I moved my lips to her jaw, feeling the overwhelming desire to taste her tongue. Lightly grazing it with my lips, she moaned again.

_God, she's gonna be a good lay. _

I worked my way to her lips, but before I could touch them with my own she shoved against me, making my eyes snap open and I looked at her confused.

_Did I bite her without knowing it?_

My eyes scanned her, she looked fine, so I went in for the kiss again. She pushed against my chest with her hands. _What the fuck, bitch? _I scowled at her.

"Please don't do that," I moved my hands from her hips, stopped moving and looked at her.

"Don't do what?" I looked at her confused. I had no idea what I was doing wrong.

She shook her head at me. "Never mind," I looked at her to make sure she was sure. Maybe she was nervous and I was going too fast. Slowing things down a bit, I resumed kissing and sucking on her neck, sucking a little longer than I should have at the soft skin just behind her earlobe. A pink spot formed.

_Well fuck, sorry. _

I kissed it before grazing my lips along her neck to her collarbone, she moaned again and rocked her hips against me, her wet panties making contact with my cock and made me groan. I pushed my fingers into the thin straps of her panties on her hips. I wanted to rip the damn things off.

_Slow, jackass, slow. _

I moved back to her jaw. Placing gentle kisses along her jaw line then went in to kiss her soft looking lips. She pushed away from me again.

"Jasper, please," she looked away from me. The only thing I did before she pushed away was- _oh._

"You don't want me to kiss you?" I asked just to confirm.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't okay? I'm sorry".

Well, there's a wound to my ego. She can't force herself to kiss me like she could to fuck me. I don't need a girl to force herself. I have plenty of willing girls.

"Fuck you," I growled, hoping she would get the fucking hint and get the fuck off me. She sighed, but didn't move.

"Well that's what I was trying to do".

_No shit, bitch. _

I shoved her to the side so she'd land on the couch. I ain't so much of an asshole that I would dump her ass on the wood floor, although I'll admit I thought about it.

"I don't want to anymore," I snarled at her as I buttoned and zipped my pants back up, careful not to snag my still painfully hard cock. I started walking to the door. I know where I can get some nice easy pussy that wants me. She grabbed my arm.

"Jasper, I'm sorry, please its not you". Thoughts of what I could do flashed through my head. I could force her to kiss me, force her to like it.

_You're not that guy, bro. _

I heard Emmett's voice in my head.

_Where the fuck did that come from. _

"Get away from me before I hurt you, little girl," I spat at her. Knowing the damage me raping her would cause her emotionally and mentally, not to mention physically judging by how small she was.

"Fine," she spat angrily back and went back to the living room pulling her shorts back on. "I am sorry that I wasn't what you needed. But I really do appreciate you helping me out earlier. Hopefully some day I can repay you in the way you want," her voice broke. She was fucking crying, maybe I took it wrong, maybe I didn't, but right now I needed to get off and she was obviously not gonna be the one to help me with that. I placed my head against the wall next to the door, trying to regain my composure so I didn't sound like an asshole.

"Stay here. I'll be back in a bit and I'll think of a way for you to repay me". _Maybe after I get high, you can blow me or something and I won't give a fuck. _I walked out the door and towards Sara's apartment downstairs. She was always down to fuck.

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**A/N: So Next chapter comes our next Wednesday, reviews encourage us to write, so review!**


	4. Ground Rules

**Disclaimer: We are not, nor have we every claimed to be Stephenie Meyer, thus being said we don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. **In fact K is now going to pout...

**K**: Wow, such an awesome response from all of you! Who would have thought you guys would like to see this couple in such a dark and twisted way?! (Except you Mal, I know you're dark and twisted ;) ) We love everyone's willingness to give this dark baby a try and we hope not to disappoint. Again, this is a very mature story, (granted Alice isn't but cut her some slack she's a kid) if you aren't old enough to an R rated film please click the x on the top left hand of your window. kthxbai!

**Robs-** Thank you to everyone who reviewed, that was awesome! Another chapter of getting to know a character... what happens when Jasper comes back to the apartment? Hopefully we'll find out. Add if you are under 16, do not make me go all mama bear on you. turn away. _**NOW!**_

Thanks to our fuckawesome Beta Emmy. We love you hardcore.

**

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Ground Rules**

"_I am not an adventurer by choice but by fate."_

_~Vincent Van Gogh 1853 – 1890_

APOV:

I watched as he left, slamming the door behind him. What the hell was wrong with me?! I _never_ cry around people. But this, with Jasper, this wasn't cool.

I was used to all types. In fact one of my regulars, Felix, pretty much conditioned me so nothing freaked me out anymore while I was working. Felix was my best customer. The more I let him yell and hit me during and/or after he came, the more he paid.

But with Jasper, after the third time he tried to kiss me, I could see the pain in his eyes before the anger took over. Fucking James! Ugh! I would have kissed Jasper, but I just couldn't.

I grabbed my bag, preparing to leave.

"_Stay here. I'll be back in a bit and I'll think of a way for you to repay me._"

What the hell was that supposed to mean? And how long is he going to be gone? I screamed out in frustration. My brain was yelling at me to leave, but I couldn't.

Well shit, alright. I know what I'll do. I'll take advantage of the fact that I have access to an actual bathroom and clean up.

I eventually found the door to the bathroom down a hall. The bathroom was small and very bare. Some people probably would have scoffed at it, but with one look at the claw foot tub, I was in love.

I got the bath water ready as I pulled out my toiletries. I smiled at the big bottle of body wash. Jenny had given it to me for Valentine's Day. She said when she went into the store that she looked at all the scents and the warm vanilla sugar reminded her of me. I guess all my stories about baking when I was alone had made an impression on her.

I stripped off my clothes and slowly stepped into the tub. I needed to allow my body to slowly adjust to the heat of the water. After all it had been at least three weeks since I had been able to have a hot bath. As I leaned back into the tub I winced as my back submerged into the water. No doubt the bruises from Felix were still looked fresh. They were only two days old.

I sat in the tub and washed as I thought about Jasper. What was I going to do about him? It was obvious that he was up for getting blown as a payment, but he wanted to kiss me. Why? Who the hell kisses a girl that blows random guys to earn money?

I could hear a man moan from the apartment below me. I felt my cheeks warm up as I giggled. Well at least someone's getting off tonight.

After the bath I got dressed into my jeans and my extra t-shirt. I frowned at my reflection. I couldn't believe how much I had changed since July. My hair was longer, that was obvious. But I had a feeling that if I were in a better situation, I would have the curves of a young woman, rather then the gaunt body of the sixteen year old staring back at me. I sighed as I adjusted my belt.

_Crap, I need to take it in another notch._

Once I cleaned up the bathroom, making sure everything was back in its place, and the towel I had used was in the hamper, I walked back to the living room.

I slipped my socks on, tucking my feet under me as I stared at the door. After five minutes I realized that staring at the door was about as useful as watching the water boil on the stove. Instead, I grabbed favorite book out of my bag.

I ran my fingers over the faded cover. The little girl looking up at the cat in the tree, I smiled as I remembered telling my dad the cat's smile scared me.

"_He's happy, Alice." _

"_Why, daddy?"_

"_Because he's helping her find the white rabbit, so she can go home."_

"_Do I have a white rabbit to find, daddy?"_

"_You just might."_

I felt the tear slide down my cheek as the memory of my dad invaded my thoughts. I flipped the worn book open, again my fingers tracing the words my father had put in there.

"_Alice,_

_Remember that our dreams are what our hearts truly desires, but are too afraid to hope for. Dream with your heart and trust it with all you choose to do._

_~Daddy"_

I snapped the book closed, deciding that I didn't need to look like an idiot crying over the lost memory of my father when Jasper came back.

Speaking of Jasper; where was he?

As if someone was mocking me, at that moment a very loud moan came from the apartment downstairs. This time, however, it was not the man I heard, but the woman.

"Fuck yes! Oh, Jasper!" Her voice was colored with the tone of having the best fuck of her life.

I slapped my hands over my mouth, whether it was to keep from laughing at how thin the floors and walls of this place must be, or to keep from screaming, I wasn't sure.

_Honestly, Mary Alice, you can't think he's the only Jasper in the world?_ A voice mocked me in my head.

But, Jasper was an unusual name.

I heard the woman moan his name again. That's when I knew why I covered my mouth. She was with Jasper. I wasn't what he wanted. If I could have stopped the tears long enough, I would have grabbed my shit and left, but I knew it would be pointless. So I did the only thing I knew how. I curled into a ball and cried silent tears, praying I could stop before he returned.

----

I was in my old bed, I smiled as I stretched, missing my down comforter. Just as I went to nuzzle the familiar softness I longed for I was met by piercing blue eyes. James.

He started to kiss me, telling me that I was bad. That if I loved him I never would have left him. I was whore, just like his father had said. He was going to teach me a lesson for leaving him.

Just as I thought I couldn't take anymore of his hitting, he was gone. It was if I was the genie, and a simple nod of my head had made him disappear, replacing him with whom I wanted.

His green eye danced with excitement as he smirked at me. He pulled me closer, as he bit his lip. "Jasper," I said softly, as my arms went around his neck. He nodded as he brought his face closer to mine. I felt his breath on my lips before his lips met mine. I felt the warmth before I felt the tingles. He kissed me once, twice, three times, before pulling away to smile at me.

"See, it's not that bad," he joked. I pulled his face closer to mine. Fuck the sweet stuff. I wanted to feel his lips move with mine. I wanted to taste him, to see if he tasted like the cigarettes I found earlier or if he was sweeter. No scratch that, I _needed_ his kiss as if my life depended on it.

He chuckled at my enthusiasm, but gladly met it in equal parts. His lips were soft and the tingles made my head spin. I moaned against his lips as his tongue dance across my bottom lip. As the moan escaped my mouth, his tongue took its place. Leading mine into a perfect dance.

_Please don't hurt me_, I begged silently.

Suddenly the warmth and the tingles were gone. It was dark. I looked around trying to see where I was but I found nothing.

"You're late," a voice spat from behind me, filled with hatred. "You know, I fucking hate when you're late Mary. Remember what happened last time you were late?" I spun to face in the direction of the voice, going against my instincts to run. Jorge.

He looked at me, "so you have become a whore. I always knew you were. You're just like you mother," he seethed.

"Shut up!" I screamed at him. Backing up I tried desperately to get away from him.

"Now, Mary. That's no way to speak to your father," he teased.

"You were never my father!"

"You know, the last time your mother talked back to me I shut her up. And now…" He laughed. The sound alone was enough to make my inside quiver in fear. "Well now she's with your psychotic father. You know? The one you killed?"

"Mom?"

"Oh yes. I've been looking for you. I need to pay you back for what you did." He stepped out of the shadows, allowing me to see the scars on the right side of his face. I smiled internally, smug. I was pleased that I could give him a physical reminder of the shit he did to me.

"Now you must pay Mary. And I think I'm going to take Jasper."

"No!" I screamed as loud as I could. "Please anything but Jasper, he doesn't deserve it! Please Jorge, no!" I could feel the tears streaming from my eyes, burning my face like molten lava. My reaction pleased him, and he laughed.

"Barely know the man and yet you feel the need to protect him," he said with a laugh. "I bet you still live in a world of Wonderland don't you? Well, killing him will be a slap of reality for you won't it?"

"NO!" Just then I felt the warmth circle me again.

"It's okay. I'll protect you," I heard Jasper whisper, as his arms circled me. I blinked, and Jorge was gone. Jasper scared him away. He'll protect me, he promised. But it was Jasper that needed protection, a voice from inside cried.

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I rubbed my nose with my hand as I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked as the grey fabric greeted me.

_Huh? I don't remember there being grey fabric on the couch_.

I turned my head slightly to the left, thanking god that my hand was in front of my mouth as I smiled.

There, lying on his side next to me was Jasper. I bit my lip to keep from giggling as the left corner of his mouth curled up into a smirk.

"Good morning," he greeted me.

_Yes, sir it's a great morning waking up to you_, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes as my cheeks turned pink.

"Morning," I said softly.

He reached over, using his index finger to brush the hair out of my face, "did you sleep alright?"

_Besides the nightmares, yeah_, I thought.

I nodded at him, watching as he chewed on his lip. I pushed my head further into the pillow, watching him as he seemed to try to think of something to say. I got the impression that I may be the first girl he's had in his bed over night. Wait a minute how did I get here?

"Um, are you hungry? I have eggs."

Again I nodded. "That sounds nice, thank you." He gave me a half smile as he started to get up off the bed. I took a good look at him now. He was wearing black boxers and a white undershirt. I did a happy dance in my head then proceeded kick myself for acting like some stupid fan girl.

"Well com'on." He shrugged.

"I'll be there in a minute. I need to brush my teeth." I blushed as I realized that I was totally checking him out. He bit his lip as he nodded, leaving to go towards the kitchen.

I buried my face into the pillow, doing a half squeal half giggle noise as I kicked my feet. I couldn't believe I was acting like… well… like a girl my age does with her crush. This was new.

I quickly climbed out of the bed, making it quickly, before gliding across the hardwood floors to the living room where I left my bag. I picked it up, quickly running past the kitchen as I headed for the bathroom.

Once in side, I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth and brushed out my hair. I looked back at the reflection and rolled my eyes. This unnatural excitement I was getting from being near Jasper was making my cheeks look like I was permanently blushing.

I started to pull my hair up into a pony tail, but decided not too. He seemed to like to touch it. But man, there was so much of it. I chewed on my lip. Fuck it, leave it down.

Finally I felt like I was presentable. I went to the living room and set my bag down. The smell of bacon greeted me as I came closer to the kitchen. I leaned against the wall, watching him as he worked over the stove.

Jasper looked over his shoulder at me smiling, "Hey you."

"Hey."

He turned his attention back to the stove, "do you like kind of soft bacon or really crisp bacon?"

"Umm," well shit I don't know, it's been almost a year since I had bacon. "It's up to you, you're the cook." I gave him a half smile, the smile I could find to give anyone anymore.

He chuckled, "Okay," he trailed of biting his lip. "You even like bacon?" He looked at me sideways for a moment.

"Yeah, I love it." I laughed.

His smile grew bigger before turning back to the bacon. "Okay then. Um… I have soda in the fridge," he shrugged before continuing, "and milk apparently, if you want something other than soda to drink."

I squeezed past him, opening the fridges, "Thanks, you want one?" I asked, holding up a can of Pepsi.

"Uh, yeah actually." He nodded, his blond hair flopping into his eyes. I bit my lip as I set a can near him on the counter. I went to the side of the counter that he wasn't using and propped myself up on to. Once I was comfortable, I popped the tab on the soda, tracing my finger along the rim.

He looked at me. His eyes danced to the connected room and then back at me. "Uh sorry, I don't have any furniture really... I did when I first moved in..." His eyes flashed confusion, remembrance, and then to guilt. He shrugged, "I dunno what's happened to it since."

How does a person not remember what happened to their furniture?

I laughed a little, "don't worry about it Jasper. You're just so freaking tall that I feel better being at your eye level." I put the can down, resting my hands on the edge of the counter, kicking my legs some.

"Yeah." He smiled as he placed the bacon on a plate. I watched as he leaned over to get the carton of eggs. Damn his ass was fine in those boxers. I bit my lip just as he looked at me.

"How do you like your eggs?" He smirked at me.

_Shit, he caught me!_

"Oh, um…" I blushed looking away, "scrambled, please." I looked up to see him nodding, "if it's not too much trouble."

"Perfect. It's the only kind I can cook," He smirked again. Jesus, that smirk was enough to turn me on.

_Well this is interesting_, I thought.

"Ah, grand master scrambler, huh?" I joked, immediately shaking my head at my own stupid joke. Jesus, this was worse than trying to be cool in front of your crush.

He chuckled slightly, "sure." He started to work on the eggs, "so I didn't catch your name."

"Oh God! I'm sorry! I'm Alice. Well technically," I rolled my eyes, "I'm Mary Alice Brandon, but I go by Alice." Actually I didn't start going by Alice until yesterday, strange.

"Well you know mine, obviously, but technically I'm Jasper James Whitlock-Cullen. I flinched slightly when he said James and I think he noticed it, but I couldn't tell. He held his hand out. "I go by lots of things...just never use my middle name, I hate it."

_Mental note, we both despise the name James, yay!_

I took his hand in mine to shake it, feeling tingles shoot through me like electricity, straight to my heart. "It's nice to meet you officially, Jasper."

He nodded a little as he pushed the egg mixture around in the pan.  
"You going to tell me how old you are yet?" I watched his face, as his left eyebrow shot up.

I rolled my eyes. Seriously, he had more things to worry about then my age. "Legal," I said curtly.

He tilted his head slightly with his eyebrow still raised. "Legal as in I won't go to jail, or legal as in you could be in Hustler?"

I snorted. _Yeah, right. Who the hell would want to look at me as they beat off?_

Wait, that's a loaded question. I mean yes, thanks to Jenny, I know that I'm legal to have consensual sex with any one over the age of eighteen. But, it wasn't legal for him if the cops found me, since harboring a runaway is usually a crime. At least I think it is.

"Legal as in what ever we do is not frowned upon by the legal system, and if I do my hair and make up just right, I could buy your Hustler for you."

He looked me over as his tongue darted out slightly to moisten his lips. I chewed on my lip to keep from moaning at the sight of it. "Stab in the dark, sixteen. I'll give you a bit too... a little over 16 and a half."

Holy crap he's good! "Well, yea actually," I looked down at my nails as I picked at them slightly. I was afraid that he could tell how young I was. "That obvious?"

He tilted his head at me a bit, "I've been around enough women."

_Of course, I heard it last night_, I thought.

I nodded my head, not really sure of what to say.

"How long have you been on the streets?"

"Technically? Two weeks after I turned sixteen." I shrugged, "Unofficially, I've been in and out of shelters and what not since January."

He turned the stove off, reaching in a cabinet above me as he grabbed two plates. I watched as he split the eggs, bacon and toast between the two.

"Your parents aren't worried?" he asked, handing me a plate. I laughed like a mad woman in my head, what parents?

I shrugged, "I know my dad isn't. He's dead, probably better though." I stabbed at my eggs with my fork.

He leaned against the counter across from me. "I'm sorry." He took a small bite of bacon as he looked at me, as if he was studying me. "What made you leave? I mean it must've been bad, 'cause you've been gone an awful long time."

I sighed, "Depends on who you ask." We were quiet for a moment. The only sound was silverware hitting the porcelain of the plate.

I nodded, "Well, it's no Disney movie that's for sure." Well, yeah, my life was definitely not a happy tale.

I heard Jasper snort, causing me to look over at him. "Disney's a bunch of crap; their stories are always taken out of context..." he trailed off. I agreed, even thought I preferred the book version of Alice in Wonderland, that was the only movie I could watch.

I wrinkled my nose as I thought about that, "I don't know… one movie helped me when shit got bad, that was until I finally decided to read the book."

"Except I did enjoy the Disney version of Alice in Wonderland." I felt my jaw go slack as I looked at him. Holy shit we had something in common.

"What?" he looked down at his crotch, "Dude, my shits not showin'."

I rolled my eyes, "Jasper, I've seen your dick. Trust me I wouldn't be gaping in shock..." I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as I digested what I said, "Fuck… forget that." He just smirked at me, looking rather smug.

"I was surprised because I didn't peg you as a Wonderland fan," I told him

He put his plate down for a moment, and his right hand reached for the hem of his shirt. He stopped for a moment, his brows furrowed as if he was battling with his thoughts. Instead he stepped closer to me, lifting the shirt so I could see the black design of a tattoo.

"I'm a pretty hard core fan. I used to read it to get away from my life. I think I own like 6 copies of the book..." he trailed off. I just sat there staring at the tribal style drawing of the white rabbit and his clock.

My fingers itched to touch the tattoo, just to trace on the design and feel his skin under my touch. "The white rabbit," I whispered.

He pulled the shirt down and took a swig of his soda. "Shit is insane, like getting you out of yourself you know? And the caterpillar is a trip." I just nodded while biting my lip. What were the odds that he had the white rabbit tattoo?

"Anyway," he said breaking me of my thoughts, "we digress. Did you leave on your own or did something happen that made you leave?"

_Damn, I was hoping this conversation was over._

"Oh. Well… both?" I offered.

He stopped mid-bite, "You can't have both," he said.

I picked at my toast not wanting to look at him, "Actually, in my case, you can." I took a deep breath preparing myself for him to laugh at me when he heard my story. "I was told that I was a whore and if I didn't like the shit I was seeing then I could leave. Then I was begged by my mother to leave. So I did."

"Oh. You were told to leave?" he sounded confused.

"Well, _he_ told me to leave, but my mom... she's just trying to protect me," I shrugged while looking at my plate.

After a few moments he spoke, "So on a technicality, you're not a runaway, you're a throwaway." I looked at him confused. "I know all the shit, my adopted parent's foster." My eye widened at his admission. I didn't think he was adopted.

He shrugged, "They're good people."

I shrugged, "I guess I am. I mean my home state only recognizes me as a runaway."

"Whatever," he said, dismissing the topic. "Umm... So did you ah…" He cleared his throat as he stood in front of me. His eyes were big, and even though I could sense the trepidation in them, the small smile on his lips reminded me of a child asking to keep the puppy that followed him home. "You could stay here if you want. I have some rules but uh..." He trailed off again as he looked down at his feet.

"Oh, you don't have to do that Jasper."

Besides, I didn't think Jenny would be happy if I skipped out on her two nights in a row. I also really didn't want to get him in trouble with the cops because of me.

"You've already done so much for me." His eyebrows furrowed slightly, but he still wasn't making eye contact. "I don't want to impose," I added.

His head snapped up, his green eyes looking into mine, "You wouldn't impose, I'm not here very much anyway... and well I don't want you on the street." He snapped his mouth shut quickly, as if he had something else to say but didn't want to say it.

I bit my lip, thinking it over. Sure it would be nice to be able to sleep some where warm and dry at night with out having people praying over you. Who was I kidding? I was in love with his fucking bathtub!

"Well, okay... I mean I can stay on the couch, and I pretty much keep to myself. Oh! And I can cook. If you want me too, that is. Like I said, I keep to myself mostly."

He nodded as he rubbed the back of his neck, "did you wanna know my rules?"

"Of course, this is your place."

Again he nodded, his eyes narrowing slightly. I was taken back by the intensity in his face. "'Kay, so no matter what you see, do not call the cops."

_Like I would do something that stupid. _

"Umm... No bringing people over. No letting people in. I have one person who comes over, and he has a key and everything. He's my brother Edward, and that's all that can come in. Um, don't brandish any knifes around me." The look of fear, then anger that flashed in his eyes told me that, out of all his rules, this was a big one for him. "That's pretty much it."

I nodded, "Okay." They were all reasonable requests. Wait, his brother comes over? Wouldn't he find it odd that I was staying here?

"Um, when Edward comes over do you want me to not be here?"

He laughed, shaking his head as he took my plate and put it in the sink, "Nah, your okay to be here. He likes just about everyone." I gave him a small smile.

He looked off to the side again, lost in thought. He looked at me; slight apprehension was evident in his features, "Just so you know I'm not a nice guy."

_Says the man that gave a girl more then her fair share of stuff, _I thought as I laughed softly.

"I find that hard to believe. Not many people these days would put their asses on the line at work for a kid, and then offer them a place to stay." I looked up at him, just now noticing that he had stepped closer to me. His hips where against the inside of my thighs, making me tempted to pull him closer so I could wrap my legs around him.

"My intentions aren't noble," he said as his hands slid up my thighs. Even through the denim of my jeans I could feel that tingle from earlier. "I don't plan on keeping my hands to myself either." His eyes locked on to mine. His lips were pulled into a slight smirk and his eyes were wide, not moving from mine.

Oh lord in heaven, everything inside of me screamed at me to crash my lips to his at that moment, but instead I licked my bottom lip a little, "That reminds me, did you think of how to repay you?"

"I've thought of many ways..." He trailed off. Oh, god the way his voice seemed to have gotten deeper… Jesus I'm gonna want to fuck him all the time at this rate.

"And those are?" I asked as I ran my hands up his arms, reaching his shoulders.

His eyes became a brighter green as he moved closer. My legs wrapped around him on instinct alone. "I really want to taste you," he said honestly.

"Well, perhaps we should discuss this in more detail? Or shall you collect your payment here?" I rolled my eyes internally at my naïve behavior.

He licked his lips, drawing my attention to his bottom lip. I bet it was perfect to bite on in the throws of passion.

_Where the hell did that come from? _

"Detail, how?" he asked huskily. Sweet lord, he wants me! I screamed in my head.

"Well, I think I owe you _big_, and you seem like a creative man... I'm sure there are many ways that you can think of collecting." My thoughts flew away as he started placing warm, soft kisses on my neck. I moved my head to give him better access. I shuddered in delight when I felt his tongue trace along my neck.

"Jasper?" I asked, praying my voice sounded stronger then it sounded. "Bedroom," I suggested.

He growled into my neck, the sound alone making my body tremble in anticipation. He pushed himself away. He grabbed my hand, pulling me off the counter, leading me to the bedroom.

Once we got into the bedroom, I began to pull my jeans off. He came close to me as they pooled at my feet, taking his left hand to cup my cheek as he came closer. My heart was racing, reminding me of a time I shouldn't be thinking of now. I closed my eyes for a moment, only to snap them open as I moved my head. He was trying to kiss me again. I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe he was trying again after what happened last time.

I heard him growl slightly as he kissed my neck. Yeah, he wasn't happy, but I had to make him happy.

"Lay down," he instructed as he pulled me over to the bed.

I laid back, my legs meeting at the knees. I watched as he eyed me as if he was a beast scoping out his prey.

He kneeled on the bed, his fingers slipping between the band of my panties and my hips, as he curled them and pulled them down with force. He knew what he wanted, he was in control. I'd being lying if I said that didn't fucking excite me.

I felt his hands slide up my inner thighs, making my stomach clench and my legs shake. He smiled up at me. A coy smile, which I suppose was supposed to be alluring –which it was - but also told me that he had many plans. I felt his finger slide in between my folds, causing me to gasp. I grabbed the sheets.

_Oh fuck, the tingles are so not helping me keep control_.

He continued to tease me, running just a fingertip where I needed him. His free hand massaging my thigh, making my legs part for him.

_Just fucking do something, Jasper!_ I wanted to scream at him.

I looked up at him, his eyes brighter then they were before, that smug smile still in place. Just as I was about to tell him what I wanted, he moved closer. He placed his head in between my thighs. I felt him trace patterns on my clit, causing me to fight against the hold he hand on my thighs. His tongue dragged slowly along my clit, alternating from languorous strokes to simple flicks against me with the tip of his tongue.

By this point I was gone. The feeling of his torture, added with the feeling his touch alone made me squirm in agony. I had never needed to be fucked more now then ever.

He pulled back some, only to return, flattening his tongue along my outer folds. Then he traced the tip of his tongue between them, teasing me as he had before with just the tip of his finger.

"Please," I begged, parting my legs more. He obliged this time, his tongue sliding deeper into me as he moaned slightly, the vibrations making my stomach clench more. He started to fuck me with his tongue, with each lick and thrust, I felt myself get closer to the edge.

_Oh, Jesus, he's gonna make me cum with his tongue!_

I thought briefly. But no sooner than I had that thought did he pull away. In a quick movement he grabbed my hands and pulled me up with him.

I looked at him wide eyed, as his hands grabbed the hem of my shirt, yanking it roughly over my head and throwing it some where behind him as his other hand made quick work of the snap of my bra.

_Damn, gold medal bra remover in the house_, I thought as I bit my lip.

Once I was completely naked in front of him, he pulled back to look at me. I could feel his eyes tracing every non-existent curve of my body. I kind of wished that he would stop, I knew I was to skinny, that my boobs were to small, and that I had no ass.

I saw his eyes light up as a smile came over his face. His eyes darted up to mine quickly.

_Wait a minute, he likes what he sees?_

He pulled me closer to him, one of his hands sliding around my waist to my back as his other one cupped my breast. He brought his mouth to my breast, taking my nipple in his mouth. I moaned loudly as he tugged on it with his teeth.

_Fucking hell that's hot!_

He flicked his tongue over the harden bud a few more times, making me rub my thighs together to make friction and relieve the ache he was causing.

He turned me around, getting me on my hands and knees in front of him. I could hear fabric moving, telling me that he was undressing. That's when I heard his breathing hitch.

_Fucking Felix! _I seethed in my head.

I knew Jasper saw the bruises. At first I thought he was disgusted that I let someone do that to me. But again, he proved me wrong as I felt an arm snake around my waist as he leaned down, softly kissing each and every bruise on my back. I collapsed onto my elbows, resting my head on my folded hands. I bit my lip as hard as I could to prevent from crying. I didn't need Jasper to play the sensual lover in this sick and twisted game. I knew he just wanted to fuck me, so just do it already!

I felt him shift as he got back up, positioning himself at my entrance.

"_Remember to relax if you take it that far, Mary,_" I heard Jenny warn me in my head.

Judging by the size of Jasper yesterday I need to really relax.

I felt his hands slide along my sides, his thumbs caressing just above my ass. I bit my lip, waiting for him to enter me. Then I felt him slide into me, filling me up completely. We both groaned at the feeling, his was obviously pleasure, mine was pain. I closed my eyes tightly, a tear escaping, as I waited for my body to adjust to his size.

_Holy fuck! That shit hurts!_

Thankfully, he wasn't too eager and let me adjust to the size of him. When the pain subsided I rocked back against him, letting him know I was ready.

He pulled all the way out before he thrust back in completely. I clenched around him, moaning. Sure that fucking hurt, but fuck it was a good hurt.

He set the pace, fucking me fast and hard. I felt him slide one hand on the small of my back as his other one slid around to pinch my clit. I cried out at the feeling, arching my back as he slid deeper into me. My head dropped back down into the sheets of the bed, muffling my cries as every trust hit me hard and deeper, feeling better then the last.

He moved closer to me, kissing me along the back of my shoulder blades, occasionally nibbling and sucking.

_Fuck_!

The way his lips ghosted along my back, his breath hot and moist as he panted… it felt unbelievable. I felt his tongue slide along my spine as he continued to fuck me.

_Christ his tongue,_ I fucking loved his tongue on my skin. I heard him moan slightly when he finished licking my skin like it was the cream center of an Oreo cookie.

He started to pound into me faster, his cock hitting me harder and deeper then before. I felt my stomach clench, I thought I was going to cum. Jasper started kissing my back again, alternating from open mouth kisses to running his teeth along it.

I felt my stomach clench as my walls clamped around him. I moaned his name as I started to tremble. I felt dizzy but loved every minute of the trembles as my eyes rolled in pleasure. He gave one final thrust and I felt him spill into me.

He pulled out, leaving me to collapse onto the bed. I smiled into the sheets before rolling over. He was laying there panting as he looked over at me. I gave him a coy smile as I leaned over to kiss his chest.

_Well that's not fair,_ I thought when I noticed his under shirt. I looked back up at him. He was biting his lip, his eyes telling me that he wasn't happy about something. Deciding that it was probably for the best not to push it, I pulled myself up of the bed to get dressed.

"Where you going?" he asked.

"To get dressed?" I hadn't meant for it to come out as a question. He just shook his head at me as he sat up. When I turned back to say something he was already walking out of the room.

_Good job_, Alice, I thought to myself as I picked up my clothes. _Not only did he not enjoy it, but you managed to piss him off too!_

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_**A/n: Because we're hoors like that we want to know what you think. If you like it or love it let us know!**_  
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	5. No Good Deed

**Disclaimer: I got up this morning and ran to get my wallet and look at my license... still didn't say Stephanie Meyer. Damn. **

**A/N: Robs: ***takes a sip of orange juice* Ahhh. JPOV. How refreshing. Now this chapter deals with some serious stuff. But it explains some stuff from the last chapter. There is a depiction of Jasper high and his feelings while high in this chapter, just a forewarning.

**K:** chicken nuggest and sweet and sour sauce = WIN, Robs and her darksper = WIN... Thanks to the usual suspects of knitters, fangirls, and family... we love you all hard for encouraging us to keep this hot little mess of a story going **mwuah!**

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**No Good Deed.**

_The prince of darkness is a gentleman._

_William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)_

_King Lear, Act III, scene IV._

"Fuck Jay, how do you have so much energy?"

I laughed at her comment as she rolled off me and grabbed a cigarette from her pack on her nightstand. I sat up and removed the condom, throwing it in the trash before getting my boxers and jeans on. I sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at the pretty brunette still covered up by a sheet.

"Thanks, as always, Sara." I kissed her cheek. She smiled at me and took a long drag; I lit up a cigarette of my own.

"How come you never take off your shirt?" She tugged at the hem of my shirt; I pushed her hand lightly away.

"Com'on now. You don't need to see me naked to get off. I do a good 'nough with just my cock and you know it." I smirked at her and she pursed her lips giving me a raised eyebrow.

_Yeah, I know I'm being a cocky son of a bitch. _

I held up my rock, "You wanna smoke with me?" I asked, already knowing the answer would be yes.

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I floated up the stairs. The halls were bright and tried not to touch the walls; they were dirty. I could practically see the dirt fucking crawling on the walls. I unlocked my front door and stumbled in through the entry.

_Fuck, I might get sick this time. _I thought as my stomach spun. I leaned against the front door and tugged on my hair. Shit, I hate feeling like this.

_I should've eaten something. _I laughed at myself. Like that would help. I dropped my shit out of my pockets on the kitchen counter and went to the bathroom.

Once there I was immediately assaulted by the scent of vanilla and something floral and sweet all at the same time. Shit my bathroom smelled good; like a girl. I closed my eyes and remembered the taste of sweet skin.

_Hmm, I wonder if she stayed. _

I felt my body respond at the thought and I left the bathroom looking for her.

It didn't take long to find her. She was asleep on the couch, her head resting on her hands, her face streaked with salt from her tears. I wondered briefly why she was crying. Then I saw that next to her was her bag, and hoping to maybe find some clues, I decided to snoop.

_Yeah, I'm a nosy bastard. So the fuck what? _

The first thing my hands grabbed was the bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I opened them and sniffed. Her scent; that was where her scent came from. I closed them and put them back in, continuing to dig. She had some clothes. I smirked as I went through the collection of panties she had, I guess a girl would always need some clean panties. I dug around some more and found birth control pills. I put that information away for later use. Then my fingers hit the spine of a hardcover book. I pulled it out and looked at it. _'Alice in Wonderland'_; my favorite as a kid. I even picked the tattoo of the White Rabbit because of it.

I sat on my coffee table and looked at her. I hadn't been able to find a cause for her tears. That depressed me. My heart and mind were still racing from the meth, but I was entranced by the sleeping beauty in front of me. She must've been having sweet dreams the corner of her mouth was turned up slightly. She looked peaceful. I don't know how long I sat there just fucking staring at her, but suddenly her dreams seemed to have taken a turn for the worse. I heard her whimper. That shit shot fear directly into my heart. Then she started to tremble.

_Well that's never fucking good. _

I moved and curled up behind her, wrapping my arms around her protectively.

_How the fuck do you protect someone from their dreams? And where the fuck did the urge to protect her come from? _

The simple act of wrapping my arms around her seemed to be enough though, and she was peaceful again. Unfortunately for me, I was getting a cramp. Stupid fucking small as hell couch.

I made a decision without really even thinking about it, and brought her into my room, laid her on my bed, and got under the covers with her. I pulled her close to me, our heads level with each other as I studied her face. Her dark lashes were fanned against her cheek, her perfect lips pouting.

_Fuck, I want to kiss her so bad. _

I've never wanted to kiss a girl like I did her. I kissed her neck trying to relieve that tension my lips seemed to be getting from resisting. I lay back down and looked at her. I still wanted to kiss her, and kissing her neck hadn't stirred her. Maybe… I kissed her cheek to see if she would wake with that. Nothing. I smirked.

_This was too easy. _

I took a deep breath and leaned in, praying silently that she wouldn't wake up suddenly and catch what I was going to do. I am a fucking gentleman, and this isn't gentlemanly. I made sure her eyes were still closed as I pressed my lips against hers.

_Fuck, they are so soft. _

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes shot open like a rocket when she kissed back. I leaned back and watched her, she was still asleep. She moaned a little and moved a bit, making me painfully aware that she was probably dreaming.

_And what good dreams they must be, _I thought to myself, feeling the way she was moving and moaning against me.

_God, I need to fuck this chick. _I started to pull away so I could beat off in the comfort of my bathroom when she screamed. Not just any scream. An ear splitting, blood curdling, heart wrenching, scream. I pulled her close to me again, no longer aroused, "It's okay. I'll protect you," I whispered into her ear. Whatever demons she had that made her run away, they were bad. I needed to help this chick. Maybe this was God's way of redeeming me. Saving her could be my salvation.

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If I had thought she was beautiful before, it was nothing compared to how breathtakingly beautiful I found her in the morning. Maybe it was the long night of watching her as she smiled in her sleep while I held her. I kept stealing gentle kisses from her, hoping that she would kiss back again, but it didn't happen. Eventually the sun started to rise, coming in through the window and hitting her face making her look angelic once again. She started to stir and I pulled my arms back towards myself, I didn't want her to think I am some sort of freak that cuddles with random chicks. As a matter of fact, I don't cuddle. Ever. I thought about that some as she opened her eyes and grinned at me from behind her hand.

I couldn't really think of what to do in this situation, but figuring she was hungry I offered to cook her breakfast. Not really that big of a deal, but she seemed to like it immensely. I watched her check me out repeatedly, making me want to keep her in bed screaming my name instead of making breakfast. She looked a little skinny though, so I decided to play the nice guy and make breakfast.

I talked to her over breakfast, asking her questions and not really talking about myself. Which was nice. I didn't want her to know too much about me. I just wanted her to know the intimate details of how I feel when I move inside of her. And then because I am a dumbass I showed her the white rabbit tattoo. She gaped at it and I knew she liked it. She was the only person besides Maria to know about it. Just about everyone knew about the tat on the inside of my wrist, but she had yet to ask about it.

Then I asked her to stay. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, why the fuck would I do that? Well, first of all, because she's pretty, she's eager, and her parents aren't going to come looking for her anytime soon. I doubt if they called the cops. Sad; but true. The other reason is because I somehow felt like I had too, which made no sense at all, but I might as well get some pussy out of it.

I knew she liked looking at me. I brushed my teeth and had done all the hygiene stuff. Maybe she'd let me kiss her now. I really wanted to taste her; I didn't lie when I said that. Only I hope she knew I wanted to lick her from head to toe. If she tasted like her skin on her neck, I was going to be a very happy man. I hoped she would let me kiss her and taste her tongue first. Jesus! I sound fucked in the head, but dammit I want it! Worse than meth, weed, cigarettes, anything.

I knew kissing her neck made her ten kinds of horny last night. So I went for that part of her, fuck to get to the Promised Land, you travel a lot of paths, you feel me? When she moaned something about the bedroom, I was gone. I was so over the game, I was gonna lick her, and then fuck her until she couldn't walk anymore.

The thought of licking her head to toe left my brain when she wouldn't fucking kiss me again. Fucking her until she had bruises on her hips and she couldn't close her legs for a week though? Yeah, that thought stayed in my head. I licked her sweet pussy, and calmed my nerves a bit. It tasted good, better than her skin. The more I fucked her with my tongue, the closer to completely unraveling she got. There was no way I was not gonna fuck her sweet and tight twat so I stopped once she got almost to that point.

I looked her over when I stripped her of her clothing, feeling smug that at least physically she was exposed to me. Personally, I like small chicks. They're fun to toss around in bed. That's just what she was; small, and her body was a little on the thin side, but tight and firm. Her breast's were full and perky. Fucking perfect.

I spun her around and put her on all fours when I couldn't stand the anticipation anymore. I took off my boxers as I scoped out her perfect little round ass, and then looking up to look at her back dimples. That shit turns me on like none other. Situated between them was a goth-like fairy, I looked down to see the fairy was directly above a purple and slightly green welt.

_What the fuck? _

My eyes scanned the rest of her back. Purple welts peppered her back. Some dipshit beat the crap out of her. I don't care if you fucking pay for her, you don't treat a girl like that. Ever. I kissed each bruise, hoping to let her know that I would never ever lay a hand on her in that way. I know I fucking hit Maria, but she enjoys that shit. This, though, looked painful. I felt her tense up as I kissed them. Whatever, I was trying to be fucking nice. Bitch didn't want it though.

Fuck it then. I moved and slid the tip of my cock against her entrance, biting my lip to keep from moaning at how wet she was. I took it slow at first, Quasi-Emmett keeping me in check. But fuck I wanted her to feel me and she was tight as fuck. I was seriously getting a bargain; I get to fuck her for feeding her and housing her. Good deeds are good indeed.

Her sounds were driving me crazy, too. I knew I was hurting her a little at first, but she also kind of liked it. She was whimpering a little while groaning. That gave way to full on moans. That shit sounded good too. I like making other girls moan, but I fucking _loved _making this girl moan. I licked her again because I couldn't really help myself. She tasted so good. So sweet. I was having sensory overload with her. I wanted to last longer, but the minute she came undone and moaned my name the way she did, I lost my mind. Shit felt awesome too. Best fucking high in the world.

I lay next to her and looked at her glowing face, and she kissed my clothed chest, frowning slightly at it.

_Well, sweetheart, fucking kiss me and I'll take my shirt off. _I committed in my head. I looked into her eyes.

_Her tits bouncing lightly as she rode my cock fast and hard. _

_Shit. _

I hate it when I fucking do that. _I am fucking hard again. _She turned away as I was about to ask if she wanted to do me again, only to find out she was getting dressed.

_Well, shit. I know when I'm not wanted. _I got up and went to the bathroom to take care of my problem myself.

I turned on the shower and wrapped my hand loosely around my shaft, prepping to jack off. Then I remembered the little chick I was about to fantasize about was hella tight. I closed my hand tightly and tugged; remembering the feeling, her taste, and her scent. Imagining all the ways I could fuck her right now. Imagining her moaning my name. My eyes rolled as I came good and hard for a second time that morning. Then I did my usual shit to get ready for work.

When I came out and got dressed I noticed she was sitting on the couch next to her bag, staring at me concerned. I wondered what that look was for. She chewed her bottom lip hesitantly. I wondered if she was worried 'cause I hadn't said anything about the sex. I didn't know I was supposed to. I walked over to her and pushed her hair away from her shoulder and kissed the strawberry like mark I left behind her ear.

"Thank you. That was great," I whispered in her ear, before pulling back and smiling at her. The corner of her mouth turned up a little and she blushed. That blush was fucking cute.

"What time will you be home?" she asked and then looked at her hands nervously. Normally that shit would piss me off. But with her I found it endearing.

"'Cause… umm… I can make us some dinner or something if you want. I mean if you have plans then don't worry about it." I grabbed my Marlboro's off the coffee table and shoved them in my pocket as I pulled out my wallet with the other hand. I pulled out a twenty and handed it to her.

"I get off about six-thirty tonight. I'm going to pick up your key on my way back." I looked at her bracelets on her right arm; a pink, black, and purple one. Okay so bracelets. Maybe I could do something special for her. I didn't know why, but she was already special to me. I really liked her, now if she would just kiss me... well... fuck, I dunno what. I looped my index finger in between her skin and the band, "I'll pick up something special." I gave her a little half smile that she returned, and then handed her my key and prayed she wouldn't run amok before I headed to hell.

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Work was typical, except for the fact Larry hooked me up with a dime sack of KB for deets on my little sexcapade with Alice. I'm fairly easy to bribe, so I told him after he swore he'd always treat her like a lady when, and if, he saw her. He gave his oath, and that fucker better know I will pound his face in if he fucking breaks that shit.

After work I walked over to Wal-Mart, which was only a ten minute stroll across the parking lot. I got the key made and picked up a few girly things for Alice. A purple pillowcase, a new pillow, black lacy shorts, and a matching bra.

_What? I'm a good size guesser, and I really wanted to see this shit on her. _

Then I got some shit for myself and picked the key up. I think those bastards take so long doing that shit so you walk around and buy random shit while you wait. Lord knows that's what I just did.

On my way home I stopped by the lady who sells homemade jewelry in the square. I asked her how much it would cost for her to add the key to a cool looking bracelet that had a small lock and key already on it. It cost me an extra dollar, but it was kick ass looking and I couldn't wait to give it to the chick that was making me dinner. Should I be so happy about this? This shit was an odd feeling for me.

I ran up the stairs and tried to play cool when I got to the door I turned the knob and found it to be locked.

_Shit. _

I lightly rapped my knuckles on the door. She opened the door and looked at me, a small smile on her beautiful face.

"Hi Jasper!" She bit her bottom lip a little, to hide the grin on her face. Well, at least I'm not the only one excited here. "Um, dinner is almost ready." I walked in after her and watched her cute ass walk into kitchen.

_God, I want to bend her over- fuck. _I really need to stop thinking about shit like that.

"I'm gonna get cleaned up." I called to her back. She looked over her shoulder at me and nodded slightly. I walked into the bedroom and set the bags on the bed, taking my stuff out of the packaging and putting it away. I put the new pillow into the pillow case and made it a replacement for the gray one that was there before.

I felt stupid suddenly. I had made a lot of assumptions.

_Fuck. _I sat on the edge of the bed and tugged on my hair. I felt like getting high, puking or running away. _Dumbass, _I smacked my forehead.

I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off, then my slacks getting everything in a pile for washing clothes tonight. I planned on getting stoned, fucking Alice, then do my shit.

_If Alice feels like fucking you, shit for brains. _A voice that sounded very much like Rosalie, my foster sister, spat at me. I left the bag of stuff I got Alice on the bed and walked to the bathroom. A quick shower later I was sitting Japanese style across from her at my coffee table.

"Uh…" I looked up to see her picking at her food with her fork. "I hope you like mushrooms, I saw the can in the cabinet and figured it was okay to use." She looked at me nervously while chewing on her lip. Well, I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought this was rather awkward.

I chuckled a little in relief. "They're fine." I took another bite, loving the flavor. I could seriously get used to this. I smiled at her, reassuring her that it was fine. "This is really good. Thank you."

That seemed to please her immensely. "You're welcome. So how was work?" she asked cheerfully.

_Fuck, do I tell her about the pot for sex story swap? The fact my co-worker totally wants her to blow him? _I looked up into her pretty eyes. _Hell fucking no._

"Um… it was okay. I don't work tomorrow, thank God." I was going to go visit Maria and have some fun. "How was your day?" I asked trying to get the focus off of me.

She shrugged. "Okay, I had to let Jenny know I was okay. Then went to Pike's Place to draw some sketches." She looked down at her lap and laughed nervously. She was an artist, that was pretty cool. "The boring life of me."

_That was anything', but borin' Darlin'_. I rolled my eyes at her as we continued to eat.

"Well, my life ain't that interesting either." _So don't ask. _She looked up at me.

"Okay, well I have a feeling things will start changing for both of us," she responded.

_Cryptic much? _Wanting to change the subject again, I racked my brain until the first reasonable idea that came forth. The key!

"Oh I got you something... well I got you a lot of stuff actually, but yeah. Hang on." I got up and walked into the bedroom, pulled the bracelet out, and took the bag with the underwear with me back into the living room. She smiled a little when I walked back into the room. "Hold up your left hand."

"'Kay." She held out hand and chewed her lip.

_Why was she nervous? _

I kneeled next to her and fastened the bracelet on her dainty wrist. I tugged lightly on the apartment key -which stretched easily because the woman put it on a stretchy cord- and showed it to her, my eyes holding hers.

I smiled at her. "The key to get in." She looked at it and blushed. I fucking love that blush.

"It's beautiful Jasper…" she gasped and smiled a smile that made her eyes twinkle at me. "Thank you." I still had the plastic Wal-Mart bag in my hand. I swear the underwear was burning a hole in it. I chewed my bottom lip as I thought about a way to approach handing them to her.

"I have something else for you too. I think I may have been assuming too much when I got it, but I have no use for it, so…" I handed her the bag before quickly walking back to my spot and waiting for her reaction.

She opened it and started to giggle, reaching into it. "Well…" She pulled out the black lace and held them up. "A girl can never have too many panties right?" She got up, still holding the panties and bag, moving towards the bathroom. "I'll be right back, going to see if they fit." I nodded to my plate, not sure if I should pray she does or doesn't come back in just the underwear.

_Shit, I want this chick way too fucking much._

A few minutes later I heard the knob click as it turned, and I looked up to see her come out in a small white tee shirt and the black lacy panties.

"Well? How do they look?" She pirouetted slowly. They fit her perfect, the black set off against her skin. The bottom of her ass exposed in them. She looked like she stepped out of a teenaged wet dream of mine.

I bit my lip hard to stop myself from beckoning her over and asking her to straddle me so I could fuck her then and there. "Good," was all I could manage.

_Fuck, she looked better than good. _She bit her bottom lip, but I could see the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile as she sat down.

"I like them. I've never had lacey ones before." _And you shall never go without again. _Fuck, I wanted to touch her. I grabbed her plate and pulled it over by mine.

"Come sit by me." She walked on her knees towards me. Fuck, so not the image I need if I am going to control myself right now. I closed my eyes and bit into my lip, hoping the pain would make the image fly out of my head. Nope, not a fucking chance.

I felt her knee brush mine as she sat. "Thank you for the new things, that was very nice, not needed, but nice." I looked at her again. _Oh trust me, I needed you to wear them. _I smiled at her.

"You're welcome. Uh… I really wanted to see them on you."

She smiled at me her fork near her mouth. "Well, I guess I have a reason to wear them now, don't I?"

_Fucking tease._ I ran my hand under her shirt. I wanted to see if she was wearing the bra too. My fingers hit the smooth lace and my dick twitched. _I am so fucked right now. _I tried to be nonchalant and take a bite. She giggled as I hooked my fingers near the hook in the back, fisting the bra, calming my urge to rip it off her body.

I leaned over and whispered closer than necessary into her ear. "Can I assume that I can take them off later?" She took a bite and nodded slowly. Well, I think I get the same reaction from her that she does from me. I would throw a party if it weren't for that fact my body craved her.

"Are you full yet?" I asked. I am an impatient bastard like that. She looked at me and smirked.

"Well, there's always dessert." Officially fucking teasing me.

"Unless it's you covered in whip cream, I don't want it," I growled. She gave me a really innocent look that I already knew was fake.

"But what if I wanted you for dessert?"

_No one is stopping you from sucking me off, _my mind screamed at her. I started to kiss and nip at her neck making my way to her ear.

"I need to taste you before I lose my mind," I growled again. She nodded, biting her pouty bottom lip.

"Okay," she whispered.

I didn't need her to say anything more, I scooped her up into my arms and walked to the bedroom; sucking, licking, and nibbling on her neck. She tasted so good. I laid her onto the bed, moving myself so I was hovering above her and had access to her body. I looked into her eyes as I leaned down to try and kiss her. I watched them flicker from desire to fear. She turned her head at the last second. I didn't get angry this time. Maybe the asshole who beats her forces her to kiss him, feel her lips against his, fucking lucky bastard. If I knew who he was I would go and bash his head in for ruining her for me.

I leaned on one arm and let my hand travel up her shirt, massaging her stomach as I sucked on the spot behind her ear. Then I began moving down to kiss and lick her, making her moan and rub her thighs together a little.

_I have so many plans for you, _I thought as I traced her belly button with my finger. I moaned out when her hands rubbed delicately against my sides. Then I realized she was touching my skin. _Fuck. _I growled as I grabbed her hands and put them over her head.

"Sorry," she whispered. I let go of her hands and went back to placing open mouth kisses along her jaw. I moved us so that I was sitting and pulled her into my lap before quickly pulling her shirt over her head. I took one of her nipples between my teeth lightly through the lace of her bra, tugging it and flicking it with the tip of my tongue, causing her to buck her hips into me.

_Fuck, she's wet, _I thought as her panties made contact with my cock through the fabric of my boxers.

Reaching a hand behind her, she unsnapped her bra.

_My eager chick, _I smiled as I pulled it off of her and tossed it off the edge of the bed. After soaking in the sight of her almost naked and sitting on me I rubbed my palms against her sensitive nipples. She moaned out more, making me smirk. That was until she rubbed herself against me again.

_That felt incredible_, I thought as I laid back and dug my fingers into her small hips, forcing her to slide along my shaft through our underwear.

It took every ounce of willpower I had not to rip her panties off and just plunge myself into her heat. I thank God I didn't. I wanted to make this shit last. Her hand traveled down my chest and into my boxers, wrapping it around me as much as she could. She started to run her hand up and down my length making me moan.

_Fuck that feels good. _I closed my eyes as she continued her motions, I felt her move off of me. I assumed so she could get a better grip.

_Fuck was I wrong. _

My eyes snapped back open when I felt wetness running along the vein on the underside of my dick. Her eyes lock onto mine as she kissed the tip.

_Fuck, that's hot. _

I bit my lip, still watching her. She wrapped her soft lips around the head and started to bob, running her tongue around it.

_Shit. _I laid my head back and just let myself feel it. It felt fucking great. I fought myself so I wouldn't grab her head and fuck her mouth.

_Let her do it in her way and take her time, _quasi-Emmett said to me. _Okay, get your fucking mind off of it. _She took more of me into her mouth causing me to moan loud and white-knuckle the sheet beneath me.

"Alice," I managed to get out. She stopped bobbing and looked at me, fuck the sight was so erotic I almost blew my load right there. I licked my lips as I thought of a way to tell her what I wanted. "Bring your legs up here," I patted the spot next to me on the bed.

She kept one hand connected to my dick as she turned herself around, her cute little ass near me as she returned to her ministrations with her mouth. I bit into my lip hard to focus on what I wanted to do. My hand gently rubbed the soft flesh that was peeking out from under her panties, gently massaging her ass. She started to bob a little slower. Yeah she liked that.

I sucked on my middle and ring fingers getting them wet before I moved the crotch of her panties away and ran my fingers through her folds. She moaned around my cock, the vibrations almost made me cum. I reached over and picked her up so she was straddling my chest, her glistening pussy now easily accessible to me.

She took me even deeper into her mouth then, "Fuck!" I groaned into the air, my hips bucking into her mouth a little. I couldn't take it anymore. I shoved my second and third finger into her and started to pump in and out in beat with how she sucked my cock, rubbing my thumb into her clit. She was now almost constantly moaning, but doing her best to continue sucking.

The need to taste her grew shockingly strong as I moved my hand only to replace it with my mouth, licking along her folds and sucking roughly on her swollen bud.

_I will make her cum, I will make her swallow and then I am going to fuck her senseless. _

I sucked harder and slipped my fingers back into her tight hole, fucking her hard with them, curling them slightly inside of her. She was moaning so hard that she stopped sucking and was pumping me with her hand. I wanted her mouth around my dick again, but I would correct that after I tasted her release. Her thighs were shaking, so I knew she was close. I pressed onto the rough patch on the inside of her walls, and she moaned my name into the air huskily.

I moved her so I could grab her hair, I fisted my hand in it and her eyes met mine, "Suck me off," I whispered, unable to say it stronger. She glared at me a little, but took me back into her mouth, letting me control the speed she was going. Fuck, that shit felt so good. I could feel myself coming closer and started to moan Alice's name over and over.

_What the fuck? Jasper Cullen does not moan a girl's name. _

I came hard into her mouth, taking the Lord's name in vain as I did so. She licked me clean and grinned at me like the seductress she was. "Take your panties off," I demanded. She stood with her back towards me, slowly sliding them down her ass and bending over slightly. I bit my knuckle to keep from pouncing on her. _Fuck! Could she get any hotter? Fucking little cock tease. _I was hard again.

I got off the bed and grabbed her hand, she trembled a little. I wondered what that was about. I stood her in front of the mirror and started to kiss her neck from behind, my eyes meeting hers through the mirror. Her eyes were wide and fearful. I placed opened mouth kissed along her neck to her ear. "I will never lay a hand on you that you don't want me to, in a way you don't want me to."

She looked up at me in the mirror and smiled at me. I bit my lip and wrapped my arms around her waist, letting my finger slowly trace patterns along her stomach. She relaxed and pushed herself against me, my cock pressing against her back. Her eyes met mine in surprise. My hands ran up her torso and cupped her breasts again, took her nipples between my fingers and tugged lightly, making her moan.

I gave her a wet kiss on the curve of her neck before watching one of my hands travel down the smooth skin on her stomach to her sweet sex and gently prodded. As if on cue, she moaned and threw her head back. I smirked at myself in the mirror as I pulled a small stepstool up to us with my foot. As I moved her leg so that she was bent a little at the knee with one foot on the stool, spread wide in front of the mirror. I moved back to kissing and sucking on her neck.

I ran my hands down her arms to her hands, my fingers intertwining with hers, and moved them so that she was gripping the doorframe tightly. I didn't want her to fall over after all. Then my fingertips went back along her body to her hips pulling them back a little. I positioned myself at her entrance and looked in the mirror.

_Yes, you really could see everything. This was going to be hot_. I looked at her face in the mirror only to see she was watching my face.

"I want you to watch me fuck you, Darlin'," I whispered in her ear. She looked down to wear I was pressing into her and blushed a little. So fucking cute. I looked into the mirror to watch her face as I slid into her, she closed her eyes and her mouth opened a little. _Fuck, she looks hot. _I let her adjust; preoccupied with watching her face as she did so.

She opened her eyes and nodded a little to me in the mirror before looking back to where we were joined. I kissed her neck hungrily, wishing once again I could kiss her mouth. I pulled back out and pushed back in slowly. "Fuck, you're so tight," I whispered, kissing her ear. She moaned, her eyes fluttering a little.

I continued my slow rhythm, kissing where I could reach and running my hands along her body. "Your body makes me crazy," I whispered before I could stop myself. She seemed to be enjoying this. I glanced down watching my cock thrust into her pussy a little faster, her walls stretching to fit me. _I'll never be able to watch another porno again. _

She moaned as I started to go faster.

_Okay so if that's what she wants, that is what she will get. _My fingers gripped her hips and I started to slam myself into her, making her cry out in both pain and pleasure. "You feel so fucking good," I moaned out. I continued watching her face in the mirror, her hands gripping the door frame for dear life, her eyes rolling, and her mouth agape and panting moans. I could feel her start to tighten around me.

"You like it when I pound your pussy?" I growled into her ear. She moaned loudly and tightened some more. Eyes still focused on me pumping in and out of her. "Does it feel good, Alice?" I asked her. She groaned and started to move her hips back into me. I growled and pumped into her faster and harder, making myself moan. She felt fucking good. I reached over and pinched her bundle of nerves and that was all it took, she threw her head back and screamed my name into the air as her walls gripped me.

She slumped against the mirror, sweat making her hair stick to her forehead. I was so not done yet. I pulled out of her and carried her to the bed, laying her on her back before I pulled her legs over my shoulders and thrust into her, quick and fast, pounding into her trying to get off quickly. Her hands suddenly found my ass and squeezed as I thrust, pushing me even deeper. After a few thrusts like that I came hard for the second time that night and collapsed on top of her, supporting myself on my forearms before rolling off.

_That was the best fucking ever, _I thought as my mind tried to clear itself. I looked at her as she gave me a slight half smile. "Thank you. That was," _fucking awesome. _"Really, really great," I finished, looking into her eyes and then kissed her cheek.

She smiled at me in response, batting her eyelashes at me. _Fuck, if she doesn't want me to kiss her, she must stop doing shit like that. _I stood up and walked over to my dresser pulled out an undershirt and tossed it to her.

"Here, you can sleep in this, instead of sleeping in your jeans. You know?" She took it and pulled it over her head.

"Thank you." She smiled bashfully at me. I've never seen anyone look sexier than she did right at that moment. I licked my lips slightly thankful that my dick seemed to be worn out. "Um, I'm thirsty. You want anything?" she asked as she got out of my bed and started to walk for the door. I shook my head and pulled on some sweat pants for the night.

I walked out of the room when I heard Alice release a squeak of surprise. _What the- _then I saw why she squeaked. Edward was here. He looked at me and gave me an eyebrow. "Hey."

"What's goin' on?" I asked as I bent over to grab my smokes from the table and lit one up. I looked back at my older adopted brother only to see he was now standing.

"How old is she Jasper?" he asked. I shrugged as I took a drag.

"Sixteen."

He gaped at me, "Is that even legal?"

I shrugged again, "She's a prostitute."

Edward smacked himself in the face with his hand.

_Geez bro take it easy, _"If she's one of those, what is she doing wearing your clothes?" he sounded irritated.

"She's staying with me," I answered honestly, looking at Ed's face. He looked towards the ground and his eyebrows furrowed.

"This is just wrong."

_That's 'cause you aren't getting any buddy. _

_

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**End note: Next Chapter.... ALICE!!! Please don't forget to review, it shows that people are liking it and it makes us happy.**


	6. Well That's A First

**Disclaimer**: Kristin Owns; Fight Club on Dvd, a skype account, and a pair of Golden Rods of Doom!! Robs owns: a few different social network sites, an empty aquarium, and way too much lacy underwear. **We never did nor will we ever own Twilight or it's characters** -K and Robs go and sulk-

**Kristin**: Okay so a lot of you were psyched to see Edward... but what the hale is he doing there at like 3 am?! Well lets see shall we... And a big thank you to musicalsara for the awesome banner for this story and a big thanks to all of you who nomiated this little bitty for a Indie Twific award!

**Robs**: Hmm an Alice pov. Should be interesting ;) thanks to everyone who reads this, added us to their faves, reviewed and pimped us out, we love you all!

Special thanks to little Ms. "down under" herself, Emmy. ;)

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**Well that's a first**

_Narrator: If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?_

_~Fight club_

I had no idea why I was so excited when he knocked on the door. I know a part of me was scared. I was scared that he wouldn't want me here. But he did after all, he did say he was getting me a key.

Okay that's a lie. I knew why I was excited; it was because of the sketch I made before I started dinner. It was us in his kitchen, full fucking making out. Even after I drew it, I stood there, staring at it in disbelief. It was hard enough to get over the fact that I had a roof over my head, but that I was going to be intimate with him. The sketch made us look as if we were lovers. Sure, I entertained the thought of blowing him every now and then, but that was payment for me staying here since getting a legitimate job was completely out of the question right now.

The minute I unlocked that door and was greeted by his warm green eyes, I knew this had to mean something. I mean, just yesterday I was Mary Alice, sixteen year old street girl. Today I was Alice, and my mission was to find my white rabbit and find my home.

I was scared shitless that he wouldn't like dinner. It was just something I thought of as I looked into the cabinets and fridge. I even went as far as making a list of things to go with a menu for his brother Edward. Hopefully, Edward wouldn't mind that. I just figured it would be easier, given the note he left for Jasper on the fridge asking him to please make a list if he didn't want to keep receiving shit he didn't like.

But Jasper liked it. The smile that graced his face was permanently etched into my mind. I couldn't believe how giddy I was over the fact that he liked what I made. I guess that's why the mom's on the Nick and Nite shows were always so anxious to get dinner ready before the dads came home.

Then he gave me my key, along with some other gifts. I couldn't believe he would go as far as to give me a bracelet. Is this kind of thing normal? I mean, what did it mean to him? Because to me, this makes things a little different.

Don't get me started on the panties and matching bra he bought me. I knew he wanted me to wear them for him. I remembered Sherry telling me once that a girl only has black panties if she intended to have someone to see them. Well, these weren't just black, they were lace. I tried to keep my excitement from him when I pulled them out. I played it off, saying how a girl could never have too many. The minute I changed into them though, the lace rubbing against my legs as I pulled them up, I wanted to jump him. I had never been so turned on by anyone as much as Jasper turned me on.

Oh my God, and the sex. Jesus Christ; the sex was… wow! Seriously! Granted the only other person I've had sex with was James, but I am beginning to think that James didn't know shit. Sure I was still a bit sore from the morning, but just the thought of his calloused hands on me, and his mouth teasing me was enough to set me on fire.

After dinner, he didn't disappoint. He made it obvious that he was well taught in the art of sex. But when he promised that he would never lay a hand on me, I wanted to kiss him so much it was painful. But I still couldn't get past the fear.

The perfect night became mortifying when I walked out of the bedroom to see a man in the living room. Here I was, dressed only in one of Jasper's shirt. _Just _the shirt mind you… and there was the guy with the funny hair. When Jasper came out see what was wrong, it clicked that this stranger was Edward.

_Great first impression._

Now I'm standing against the bedroom door, listening as Jasper confirmed my worst fears. I was nothing more then his whore.

"If she's one of those, what is she doing wearing your clothes?"

"She's staying with me," was Jasper's reply.

"This is just wrong," Edward said. I walked over to the bed and sat down. I reached over grabbing the pillow with the purple covering. I wanted to cry, just simple act of him doing this, buying a stupid pillow with the purple pillowcase for me, was heart breaking.

"Yeah well, whatever. I don't want her on the street," Jasper said, slightly annoyed.

Edward scoffed, "Since when do you care about a person on the streets?"

Silence.

"I know your type bro. Don't play all innocent with me. I think it's bullshit that you just want her off the street."

"Shut up," Jasper snapped. There was silence for a moment. "Why are you here?"

"You're running out of groceries and dad wanted to check on you. He said he wants you to go in and get a physical. He's worried. And… mom wants you at dinner tomorrow night."

"She's been on the streets for awhile. Um, you think dad..." Jasper trailed off.

"Yeah."

"And I dunno about dinner. I don't want her to get lonely."

"You know mom won't care if you bring your girl. What the fuck is her name?" Edward asked, sounding even more irritated. I'll be damned if Jasper thinks he's going to use me as an excuse not to see his parents.

I reached down to pull my panties back on. Just as I opened the door, Jasper answered Edward's question.

"Hi, I'm Alice." I smiled politely, offer my hand to Edward.

He smirked a little as he took my hand, "I'm Edward."

"Sorry I was so rude, screaming in your face and all. I forgot that Jasper warned me you had a key." I gave him a half smile before continued, "I was about to get something to drink… would you like anything?"

I watched as Edward nodded, his eyes dancing between Jasper and me. Finally he settled back on me, "Yes ma'am, I'll take a Pepsi."

_Well he's got manners._

"Great," I looked at Jasper, "would you like one, Jasper?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. Well, well, look who's suddenly uncomfortable.

_Welcome to my world fucker_.

"No thank you darlin'," he replied.

_Oh don't you 'darlin' me, jackass_.

"'Kay. Oh, and sorry, I know it's rude to listen in on a conversation…" I gave Jasper a pointed look that said 'don't bullshit a bull-shitter'. "But I think you should have dinner with your parents, I'll be okay." I turned my back to them quickly and started to head to the kitchen.

"Can I talk to you in the kitchen?" I heard Jasper ask.

"Sure," I called over my shoulder, quickening my pace.

Jasper caught up with me, of course he did. Fucker has long ass legs. He grabbed my arm to stop me, making me face him.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked in a low voice that sounded so caring.

"What do you mean by that? I'm being polite to your guest." I shook my arm from his grasp.

"Well, darlin', your kinda being a bitch to me," he sounded… hurt? Why? He wasn't the one called a whore.

I grabbed two Pepsi's out of the fridge and snatched the list I made off the fridge, "No Jasper, I am not. If anything, I'm being civil." I turned to face him, "Why the hell are you using me as an excuse not to see your family?"

He rolled his eyes, "I wasn't. I just…" he sighed, "Did you want to go with me?"

"I don't want to embarrass you." Because even though Edward said his mom wouldn't mind. I would. I shrugged, "Like I said, I'll be fine here."

His eyebrows furrowed, "You won't embarrass me." He looked at me. He looked so vulnerable at that moment, it was a little disconcerting. "Do you really not wanna go?"

I bit my lip, did this mean that he wanted me to go with him and meet his parents? "I have nothing to wear…" I mumbled, feeling like an idiot.

I felt him snake his hand up under the shirt. His touch sending tingles throughout my body as he caressed my side.

"I'll get you something," he said licking his lips and waggling his eyebrows, "I'll even let you pay me for it."

_Well that's a way to tell me how truly felt._

I pulled his hand out of the shirt, "Well, in that case. I'm sure your mother won't care if I wear my ratty jeans. Since I am a _prostitute_ after all..." I spat the words out, unable to keep the hurt from my voice.

I left the kitchen, handing Edward the soda and list. He gave me a bewildered look but smiled gratefully at me.

Jasper joined us, his eyes never leaving me as he spoke to his brother, "So I'll see you at the clinic at 10." He jerked his head in the direction of the door, clearly indicating that it was time for Edward to leave.

_Well now you've done it Alice_, I heard a voice warn me.

Edward nodded, leaving us alone. I heard the dead bolt lock.

_Can't run now can you?_ The voice teased.

"Ok, do I really treat you like a prostitute?" Jasper asked looking at me confused.

I shrugged, "Shouldn't matter right? You're letting me stay here and what not, and I'm giving you sex." I went into the bedroom to grab the pillow, my heart breaking in the process. Jasper stood in the doorway, no doubt trying to stop me from leaving, but I pushed past him.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What? I'm going to sleep on the couch." I put the pillow on the couch, turning to face him.

_Shit!_

I didn't realize he was right behind me. "And don't get me wrong Jasper. It's not that I don't appreciate all you've done for me, because I do."

_And it confuses the shit out of me_!

"Fine," he growled out at me. I was able to look into his eyes for a second and I could swear they had tears in them. He turned and went to the bedroom, slamming the door closed.

I collapsed onto the floor, quickly grabbing the pillow to stifle the scream that ripped through my chest. What the hell was wrong with me? In two days I had managed to not only find a guy decent enough to let a kid stay with him, but I'd also managed to ruin everything just because he was honest with his brother.

I pulled away from my pillow to look over at the door. Maybe I over reacted… I looked down at my left wrist, the bracelet taunting me.

_Over reacted? You don't say_! Damn, even my own conscience was mocking me.

I stood up and walked to the door, knocking softly. "Jasper?"

He opened the door, scowling, "What?"

I looked down, hugging my pillow. "I'm sorry… it's just when you told Edward what I was, I got upset. Because it reminded me that my place isn't in your bed unless you want to get off." I stopped myself before I rambled any more. I looked up at him, determined to apologize. "What I mean… is I'm sorry for being... Wait, are you getting stoned?"

His eyebrow quirked up as he pulled the pipe away from his mouth, the phrase 'no shit' written clearly in his eyes.

He held his breath for a minute before exhaling out of the side of his mouth, "Yeah," he answered, holding the pipe up. "Don't want to insult you or anything. I'm being a gentleman." He gave me a pointed look before continuing, "Would you like some? No pressure or anything."

I shook my head. I had tried 'shrooms before, and it wasn't pleasant. "No, thank you." I leaned against the door frame. "That shit's addictive you know?"

He took another hit, watching me, "You were sayin'?"

I rolled my eyes, "I know I'm a whore, okay? It was just a slap in the face when you go telling your family." I chewed on my lip. I couldn't tell him it hurt because I was becoming attached to him.

"It's Edward. He ain't gonna say shit, and other than the ice bitch, my family is pretty cool and accepting. They all know what I do." He shrugged whilst looking at the pillow. "Did you really want to sleep on the couch? There was a reason it was on the bed…"

"I'm sorry I put you in an awkward situation."

_Yep still fucking apologizing_, I thought as I chewed my lip again. "Umm... if you want me too I'd like to" I had to look down. I could feel tears prickling my eyes at the thought that he agreed with me. Why was I so weepy over what he thought?

_Because you like him Alice, that's what happens when you have a crush._

He grabbed the pillow from me tossing it on the bed.

_Well I guess that's a yes,_ I thought looking up at him.

"Want me to toss you up there too?"

I gave him a small smile, shaking my head. "No, I'm gonna use the bathroom real quick... be right back." I turned and ran to the bathroom before he had a chance to say anything.

Once inside, I locked the door and ran to the sink. I grabbed the sides tightly as I looked up my reflection. I could see my eyes were red from the tears that had threatened to spill over. I turned the cold water on, washing my face.

_Seriously Alice, calm down. You're acting like a baby. If he wanted to be with a kid, he would,_ I scolded myself. I took a deep breath, calming my nerves before running back to the room.

I ran in, catapulting myself on to the bed next to him. I may have giggled some when I saw him smile as he put something in the night stand.

"Hi," I said with a small smile, hoping he wasn't mad at me.

Jasper smirked while chuckling, "Well I'm glad something in my room makes you happy and excited."

I sat up on my knees, leaning back on my feet. I wished I could tell him that I was happy to be in any room as long as he's there. _God, what is wrong with me?_ "I'm sorry about earlier. I guess… I was being a baby about everything."

"Just so I understand this…" He looked over at me. "Men do pay you for sex, right?"

"Well, uh…" I stammered while picking at my nails, not sure how to answer him. I don't really have sex with anyone though, I mean I give head and they pay me for it. "Honestly I don't do anything but blow jobs." I told him honestly, feeling the heat rise to my face.

I looked up to see him chewing on his lip. "Sorry I can be _forceful_ when I want something," he said, his features contorting as though he was unsure of what he had just said. "I'm sorry if I made you do something you didn't want to do."

I tilted my head at him, trying to figure out why he was feeling guilty. "No Jasper, you weren't forceful at all." I shrugged while smiling. "Honestly you're the first guy that I've wanted to well... yeah," I stammered out blushing more.

He reached over, pulling me to him. Once he had me situated between his legs, he wrapped his arms around me. On instinct, I gently ran my finger nails along his hands.

"Okay, have I treated you like a prostitute?" he asked.

I shrugged, "Honestly, I don't know. I mean," I sighed, the only bases for comparison that I had was Felix, a few other guys and a stupid movie. "God, I'm gonna sound like such a kid…. but sometimes I think I'm living in my own version of Pretty Woman with you. Only you're _way_ hotter then that old guy." I shook my head at my own words. "No, I guess you don't. It's just, for some reason when you said that to Edward, it hurt a lot."

"Sorry about that," he said softly. It was then that I realized that he never did treat me that way. If anything he treated me like we were dating.

"Alright, I just want to make two things clear to you alright?"

I nodded, leaning my head back against his chest.

"First, you _are_ a prostitute." _And cue the pain_, I thought as I bit my lip. "That is what you do to get money. I mean no offense by it." I nodded

"Second, to me, when you're with me, you aren't. You're Alice, and I like to live in this fantasy where you actually like the way I touch you and fuck you. So just let me stay there."

_Wait… he doesn't see me as one?_

Quickly, I turned myself in his arms to look at him. His face held the same honesty that it had when he told me that he wasn't going to keep his hands off me, but would never lay a hand on me in a way I didn't want.

I placed my hands on his face. "That's not a fantasy Jasper. I really do like those things. You do things to me that no one has ever done. And honestly, I don't want anyone else to do it."

He slid down the bed, pulling me with him as he pulled the sheet around us. "Good girl," he whispered as he laid us on our sides, facing each other. He brushed my hair behind my ear. "My adoptive dad is a doctor. I want him to check and make sure you're okay. You don't have to say anything about the… the bruises. I just want him to make sure you don't have any… you know… more serious injuries."

I nodded. "Okay." I brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Thank you." There was a lot to thank him for, but I was pretty sure he didn't want to hear it.

He gave me a small smile as he leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose. I wrinkled my nose causing him to chuckle. "Anytime. I have this huge urge to protect you, so I figure I'll just go with it."

"Well, I've never had a protector..." I trailed off, thinking that in some way he was the fucked up knight to my fucked up Cinderella, making me giggle. "I think I like that idea."

He smiled at me, leaning closer. He proceeded to kiss my neck, five different kisses in five different areas. By the last kiss I was giggling.

"Sorry, I figured that's better than trying to kiss you." He gave me a sad smile. "I really want to kiss you." I felt my chin quiver as he ran his thumb over my bottom lip. "I never thought I would be jealous of my own cock."

Oh Jesus. How do I tell him that I _really_ want to have him kiss me? That just the fantasy of his perfect full lips claiming mine turned me on, but I can't kiss him because I'm so screwed in the head that the thought of just the act alone makes me freak out?

"I'm sorry Jasper... I just," I closed my eyes to keep him from seeing the pain that I'm sure showed in them. "I've been screwed over royally before and unfortunately when it comes to kissing, I panic." I chewed on my cheek.

_Obviously it's going to happen_, I thought as the image of my sketch came to mind. "I know it sounds dumb, but even though you said you would never lay a hand on me in that way....I just freak…" I looked at him, the hurt in his eye obvious, but I watched as he tried to mask it.

He nodded as his gaze flickered back to my lips. "I understand," he said softly while he gently rubbed his thumb on my lower lip again. "I swear it's torturing me though. They are so soft."

I smiled at him, "I promise, give it time Jasper." Again he nodded as he ran his hand down my body, finally stopping at my core as he massaged me through my panties. I pressed my head to his chest, biting back the moan that threatened to escape.

"I'm glad you don't protest my kisses to those lips. Then I think I really would have a fit," he said huskily.

_Fuck, now! Please?!_ I begged in my head.

Instead I giggled and pushed against his shoulder. "Jasper, shouldn't we be going to sleep?"

I could hear the smile in his voice, "Yeah darlin', go to sleep."

I looked up at him, smiling. The first real smile that I've had in years. I traced his jaw with my fingertips. "Goodnight Jasper."

He kissed my forehead. "'Night Alice."

I curled up to him as he snaked his arm around me, placing my head back on his chest. The sound of his breathing, combined with the gentle touch of his hand running along my spine was enough to keep me safe as I drifted off to sleep.

----

The light from the sun was starting to peek back in the window when I opened my eyes. I looked to my left and there he was, Jasper, but a completely different version of Jasper. He was sleeping and in his slumber he seemed so relaxed, as if what ever tormented him during the day wasn't there in his subconscious. I slid myself out from under his arm, the need to pee stronger than the urge to stay in bed with Jasper.

I quickly ran to the bathroom, deciding to brush my teeth afterwards. On the way back to the room I checked the time on the microwave. 7:00 flashed across the screen.

_Nice,_ I thought as I headed back to the bedroom.

Jasper was now on his back, but the peaceful look he had before I left was gone. I crawled back onto the bed, just as his eyebrows furrowed. He mumbled something in his sleep, sounding similar to my name, but I decided to ignore it as I snuggled closer to him.

Instantly his body seemed to relax, but that worried expression was still there. I didn't like that one bit. I slowly raised my hand to his face, carefully brushing the hair off his forehead. He mumbled something else, but I couldn't understand it. What ever it was, he wasn't happy because he was scowling.

How he still managed to look hot while scowling in his sleep was beyond me. I watched his mouth, memorizing every detail of it. Slowly and gently I ran my finger tips along his bottom lip. He pouted some causing me to gasp and pull my hand back, worried that I had woken him. I waited a few moments, nothing but the soft panting sound of his breathing greeted me.

Against my own will, I felt my upper body lean towards him. I glanced at his face, his eyes were still closed. The distraught look that plagued him earlier seemed to disappear the closer I moved to him. Was it possible that in his dreams I was his warmth like he was mine?

Very slowly and gently I pressed my lips to his, immediately feeling the tingles from my dream. I pulled back slightly, a small smile on my lips as I looked down at him. I licked my lips, I wanted to feel his on mine again, but I was afraid.

Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand on the side of his face as I leaned down again. Gently, I placed my lips to his again, slowly increasing the pressure. I pulled back to look at him. He was still sleeping. I smiled slightly as he shifted in his sleep, his arm pulling me closer to him.

I decided to be daring, going in for a third and final kiss. This time though, I took his bottom between mine, nibbling on it slightly. When he moaned slightly my eyes flew open. He seemed to be sleeping still. I shrugged it off and I tilted my head a little, this time nibbling his upper lip. That's when the tingles became more intense as I realized he was returning my kiss. A part of me prayed that he was asleep so that I wouldn't have to pull away, while a bigger part of me prayed he was awake so that he could remember this too. I felt his tongue trace against my bottom lip making me gasp in surprise. The minute my mouth opened his tongue entered, massaging mine.

I felt myself get dizzy from the feel and taste of him, so reluctantly I pulled away, panting. I brought my fingers to my lips, they felt swollen and that made me smile. Maybe for now, I can give him this, until we can truly kiss.

But damn it, there was another problem. I was horny, and just from a kiss! I quickly thought over my options, deciding that I wanted him in me.

Thanking God that I had enough forethought to remove my panties in the bathroom, I straddled him. My naked, wet flesh rubbed against his straining cock. I leaned forward kissing up his neck to his ear, while grinding myself into him.

"Mmm… Alice," he moaned. If I hadn't heard my name from his lips before, I would have thought he was awake, but I could hear the sleep in his voice.

_Interesting, he has sex dreams about me._

"Jasper," I whispered into his ear as I rocked against him again. "Time to wake up." I purred before taking the ear lobe between my teeth, biting down gently.

"Mom… Having a good dream. Go away," he mumbled, pouting slightly. I giggled, running the tip of my tongue around the curve of his ear. He moaned my name again.

_Must be a good fucking dream_, I thought smugly.

I started kissing his neck again, nipping at the flesh as my left hand traveled down to his boxer.

"Jazzy wake up," I said between kisses as my hand wrapped around his cock.

"Alice?" he asked, sounding confused and half asleep. I bit my lip to keep from giggling. Damn he's so cute when he wakes up. I sat up to look at him. His green eyes were bright again.

"I want you," I said, smiling at him as I tugged on his boxers. "Now." He lifted his hips to allow me to free him from his restraining shorts. I resumed my position over him, sitting on my knees as I pulled my shirt up over my head, tossing it to the side. He bit his lip, waiting for me to make my next move.

I positioned him at my entrance, slowly lowering myself on him. His hips bucked up, pushing him deeper into me and causing me to cry out in pleasure. I placed my hands on his chest, using it as leverage as I pulled myself off of him before slamming down on him again. He groaned, his hands grabbing my hips as I began to rock faster on him.

"Touch me, Jasper," I moaned as I rested my hands back on his thighs. He growled slightly as his hands cupped my breasts, his thumb flicking at my nipples. I slowed my movements, making my motions deliberate.

"Fuck," he growled. "I'm not going to last much longer Alice," he warned. I don't know why that made me so smug but it did. I smirked at him.

Before I knew it I was flat against the bed as he lifted my leg to his side, pounding harder into me. I screamed out, my eyes rolling as I arched my back into him. He was hitting me deeper then before.

He leaned forward, taking my nipple into his mouth, tugging on it as he fucked me faster.

"Fuck," I moaned as my legs began to shake. I wrapped both my legs around him, locking them at the ankles while my nails dug into his shoulders. He leaned down on me, supporting himself with his arms as he pulled his cock out then slammed it back into me. I screamed out his name as my orgasm hit me hard, blinding me and making me fly. I felt his forehead in the crook of my neck as he panted my name, coming inside of me with one final thrust.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as we both tried to catch our breaths.

_Jesus, maybe we need to do that every morning,_ I thought.

I felt him nuzzle my neck, placing kisses along it and my shoulder.

"Alice," he said reverently. "You. Are. The. Best." I giggled, blushing at his words.

"Good morning Jazzy," I smiled while I looked at him. He smiled back at me and kissed my forehead.

"Mornin' darlin'."

--------

It was a twenty minute walk from Jasper's apartment, during which we held hands the whole way - don't judge me, that's a big deal to me. I was now sitting in a pastel painted room that was way to cold to be wearing just an itchy paper gown.

I looked around the room from my spot on the exam table. It wasn't like the rooms at the free clinic Jenny took me too. There they had those crude drawings of your insides and charts on different STDs. Here they had nice paintings and such. Must be to help you feel better about the damn itchy gown they make you wear and the Arctic temperature they submit you too.

There was a light knocking on the door, followed by it opening. I was instantly greeted by an older gentleman with blonde hair and beautiful bluish-gray eyes. He smiled warmly at me.

"Hello." He held out his hand. "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I'm told your name is Alice."

I reached for his hand and smiled back. "Oh! You're Jasper's dad! Nice to meet you." I bit my lip, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.

_Great, first you meet his brother with no panties on and now you meet his dad in a paper dress._

"Yes, I am also known as that." He smiled again, gently patting me on the knee. "Any allergies, past traumatic injuries, serious illness or surgeries?"

"Umm… I'm allergic to Vicodin. I had to be hospitalized for that when I was eight. I've had several broken bones." I shrugged. "That's it."

Carlisle nodded as he took notes. "How long since your last doctor's appointment and physical?"

"Umm... well I had to see a doctor at the free clinic to get my prescription for Orthro in like… January? Does that count?" I asked nervously. Carlisle just shook his head. "Oh…" Damn the last time I had to see a doctor and had a physical was when I miscarried. "Umm… Then it would've been July 5th two thousand-seven."

He looked up at me from his clip board. I couldn't make out what he was thinking but he looked down and continued to write. "Any medications, including birth control?"

"Just the pill." I thought about my chart and couldn't remember if I put the miscarriage down. "Um… Dr. Cullen... I um… do miscarriages count as trauma?"

He nodded, his eyes meeting mine. "It counts. Have you had one?" I nodded. I saw something flicker in his eyes, but I couldn't place it.

"Date?"

I chuckled darkly before answering, "July fifth two thousand-seven." That was the start of the worst beatings from James. I shuddered at the memory, hugging myself.

"And the approximate number of weeks you were pregnant?"

I shrugged. As stupid as it sounds, I didn't even know I was pregnant. "I'm not sure. They said that I wasn't more than three months along."

He nodded whilst writing down more notes. "First trimester miscarriages are quite common."

_Yeah, that's what they said too._

I bit my lip, fighting myself on whether or not I should give him the information of where I was at when they looked at me. He looked up at me briefly. Again his eyes seemed so reassuring, like I had seen in Jasper's before.

"Umm... if you need the records, they're at Mercy Medical in Redding California, under Mary Alice Brandon..." I trailed off, hoping he got the hint.

He nodded again, finishing up his notes. He placed the clipboard down and started with the exam. I was distracted by his eyes when he was blinding me with that stupid little light of his. They were such an unusual color, almost inhuman.

It was surprise that he had a warm laugh, just like his smile. I learned this first-hand when he used the stethoscope. I was prepared for the usual cold feeling when it's pressed against my skin, but it was warm and tickled when he moved it around.

_Of course it was warm Alice. He was holding it in his right hand while doing the other exams. _

"Alright Alice, I'm just going to check on one more thing before I send in a nurse to finish your physical and pap, ok?"

I nodded. He began to open the back of the gown and I heard him gasp. "My… Jasper didn't? Did he?"

I sat up straighter. How could he think that? "Oh no! No, not Jasper."

"Okay… I didn't think he would. He just has kind of… an explosive temper," he explained.

"That's why he smokes pot, huh?" I looked over my shoulder to ask, briefly wondering if his family knew about it.

He nodded as he continued examining me. "I guess that's his reasoning. The other stuff he smokes and does though… That is beyond me." Okay so at least his dad knew. Wait… other stuff?

"Other stuff?" I asked softly, still looking back at Carlisle. His eyes met mine for a moment as he nodded, biting his lip.

He pushed on my right side where my lower ribs where, "Does that hurt?"

I winced at the touch. "A little yeah."

"I think you have a fractured rib."

"I do?"

"The bruising here on your side looks right for it, and its tender. They do heal on their own, though. Just as long as you don't traumatize yourself anymore until after it heals," he explained.

"'Kay. Because I was going to say I didn't even notice it until you pushed on it... Not saying it hurts because of you! I mean… I just…" I hid my face in my hands. "Oh man." I was completely mortified.

"It's fine," Carlisle said. I could hear the smile in his voice, as he patted my knee again. "Jasper was really worried about that." I looked over at him, feeling the right side of my mouth curl up in a smile.

_Jasper was worried? About me?_

He pulled the gown back together and then came around to look at me. "Listen Alice, I don't know exactly what your relationship is with my son. He's a good man. He's an addict though. Your tox screen came back negative, so I know you're a good kid. I noticed you didn't really know what he was doing. I thought I should warn you before you find out the hard way."

"'Kay"

"He does methamphetamines... do you know what that is?" he asked, pulling a stool out to sit down.

"Um… I know what meth is." I chewed on my lip while thinking. _Vaguely_.

He nodded, his lips pursed. "Do you know how people react on it?"

_Time to prove how naïve I truly am, _I thought as I shook my head.

"No. I just know what it is because I was in the DARE program in school. But they don't really teach you anything about it, just how to say no." I made a snorting sound. A fat load of good it ever did.

He smiled again while nodding. "I think Jasper missed out on that program." He chuckled a little then took a deep breath, "Sometimes… when he's on it, he can get pretty mean. He has a pretty... terrible past. My wife and I tried to get him help but really it's something you have to start before they are thirteen. It's not really my place to tell you what happened to him, just watch for his inner demons. They only tend to surface when he does that junk."

He got up from his stool, smiling warmly at me once more. "The smile you put on his face is something I haven't ever seen from him," he added as he left the room. I felt myself blush at that.

----

After the exam by the nurse, she came back in with instructions on how to make sure I didn't make my fracture worse and a new pack of pills. A different prescription Carlisle wanted me to try when I was out of the original prescription.

Once again, Jasper held my hand as we walked to Wal-Mart. I didn't understand why he was so adamant about me getting something that I liked to wear to dinner. Honestly, my jeans weren't that bad, just lose on me.

I did manage to find a nice denim wrap dress that was on sale. I thought it fit me perfectly. Jasper pouted a little when I wouldn't show it to him. I told him that the overall look was a surprise. When he asked me about shoes, I told him that my flip flops were fine, which didn't please him. Eventually we agreed on a pair of black heeled sandals. I liked them cause then made me slightly taller. I think Jasper just liked the thought of them. He had also bought himself some things and insisted on buying me a white blouse with matching tiered skirt.

"Why?" I asked when I came out of the dressing room..

"Because you need girly stuff… And I think that they would look good on you."

I rolled my eyes. "You know it takes more than virginal white skirts to make a girl look girly right?"

He smirked. "I just like you looking virginal. Besides, that stuff is pretty girly. I'd get you some lip gloss stuff my sister likes, but I think I'd end up wanting to kiss you more."

I shook my head, biting back a smile. "I have makeup, thank you." I put the clothes in the cart.

"Sorry." He looked down at his feet as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "So what did my dad say?"

"Why are you sorry?"

"For offering you makeup."

"Oh, no. Don't worry about it. It's just stuff I wear on special occasions... which are few and far in between." I shrugged. All I had was eyeliner and mascara and as much as I would like lip gloss, I don't want to torment him anymore. "And… Dr. Cullen says I have a fractured rib?" I pointed to my right side. "But I don't know... I didn't feel it until he did the exam."

Jasper nodded. "He knows his shit. He's probably right. After so much abuse, I dunno… you become used to pain," he said sadly. I wonder what kind of shit Jasper went through before the Cullen's. After all, isn't that why most people turn to certain lifestyles?

I linked my left arm into his right one. "Yeah, something like that..." I looked up at him through my lashes, wanting to get off the abuse subject. "So you do realize that if you want me wearing virginal white, I'm going to need a white bra and matching panties right?" I asked, biting back a smile

He bit his lip as he smiled. "Yes ma'am." He started pushing the cart in that direction.

I laughed as I walked with him. "Of course, the biggest decision is cotton or lace?" I teased, knowing just how much he likes the black lace he bought me.

He looked over at me, quirking an eyebrow. "Or both..."

_Well that was unexpected_.

I smiled at him. "Why Jasper, are you trying to seduce me with the promises of multiple panties?" I teased.

He licked his bottom lip. "Would it work?"

I stood on my toes, whispering in his ear, "You don't have to do that. You alone are enough." I pulled away to find the rest of what we needed.

----

When we got back to the apartment I wanted nothing more then to fuck him then and there, but that wasn't going to happen. Edward had called saying that he was going to pick us up for dinner at a quarter to six. It was already a little after four. Jasper had offered to take a shower first. As he ha put it, 'he didn't have to shave his legs.' Of course that comment almost led to us fucking in the kitchen anyway, because I retorted with, 'You didn't complain this morning.'

While Jasper was in the shower I made a couple of sandwiches, since neither one of us had anything to eat besides breakfast. I didn't want to make anything that would ruin dinner, so it was just a quick BLT.

I heard the shower shut off just as I pulled the knife from the drawer. I started to rinse it off when I noticed it looked as if it was never used. I placed the knife on the counter next to the tomato as I pulled the bacon out of the pan. I heard the bathroom door open.

I could hear him coming towards me and smiled. It figures that the smell of the bacon would make him come here.

"Darlin' what you mak-" he started to talk but stopped suddenly.

_That was odd_.

"What Jasper?" I looked back at him to see him gaping at something. "Jasper?" He didn't say a thing. He didn't even look like he was breathing. "Jazzy? What's wrong?" I started to go to him.

He looked at me, his eyes wide with panic and fear as he started to quickly back away from me. He started trembling some.

_Oh God, why is he afraid of me?_ I cried internally.

I held my hands up where he could see them, "Jasper! Tell me what's wrong. Please!" I begged as my voice cracked.

"Kn-nn-ife..." he stuttered. "Uh… the knife… Shit."

_Oh fuck!_ How could I forget his rule? He looked down at himself. It was the first time that I truly noticed he was in nothing but a towel. "FUCK!" he backed himself into the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"Shit, shit, shit," I repeated, quickly slicing off what I needed for the sandwiches. "Fucking brilliant Alice. He clearly said 'no knifes' and you fucking leave one out."

God I'm such a retard! I quickly washed the knife off and dried it. I looked into the drawer that it was in. There were several others in there. "That's why it had never been used! FUCK!" I growled out, making a decision right then and there.

I placed all the knives on the counter, pulled myself up to reach the cabinet above the fridge. I wrapped them into a kitchen towel and stored them up there. Once I was convinced that they where hidden from view well enough, I jumped down from the counter and ran to the bedroom.

I knocked as I entered the room. "Jasper?"

"Yeah," he said is a small voice.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking," I said as I leaned my head against the doorframe.

He looked at the floor. "It's okay. It's not something you have to worry about. Other people... and you weren't even holding it…" His voice broke. I could feel my heart breaking with it.

"Babe," I walked slowly toward him. "How about this…. From now on… _if _I need to use them, I'll warn you so you don't have to see them. I... I hid them so you won't even know they're here." I chewed my lip, hoping I wasn't pushing it.

He looked at me and nodded as he chewed on his cheek. Jesus. What had someone done to him?

I sat on my knees in front of him. "Do you want a sandwich?" I gave him a sad smile, not even sure if he would want it now. "I was making BLT's for a snack."

He nodded slowly. "It smelled good. I haven't had one in awhile." He cupped my check with his hand as rubbed his thumb over my cheek. "Thank you."

I smiled to let him know it was okay. "Of course. Come on, lets get some food in you. It'll make you feel better," I said, taking his hand as I stood up.

"I'm sorry, Alice."

"What? Why?"

"I brought you here to take care of you. It's just-" he cut himself off, sighing heavily. "I dunno. You shouldn't have to deal with my issues."

"Jazzy." I wrapped his arms around me. "I want to help you. I will if you let me, okay? I care about you, and I don't want you to ever feel afraid or worried. Got it? And we'll work through this… I promise."

He kissed my forehead. "Let's eat so you can take your shower."

After we had our sandwiches in the living room, I rushed through my shower, thanking God I didn't cut myself in the process. Just as I was finishing drying my hair I heard Jasper talking to Edward. I bit my lip as I heard Edward make a joke about how cleaned up Jasper looked. I quickly applied eyeliner. Just enough to bring the color in them out. I sat on the edge of the tub to get my shoes on just as there was a knock on the door.

"Darlin'… You almost ready?"

I smiled wider at the sound of his voice and I buckled the last shoe.

"Just a second," I called out.

I took one final look in the mirror, making sure that you couldn't see anything, and of course making sure that, over all, I looked presentable. Pleased with my look, I opened the door.

Jasper stood there, dressed in dark well fitting jeans and a green striped polo that brought out the green in his eyes even more. I smiled at him, blushing as he took in my look.

"Now I'm ready."

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End A/N: Don't forget to tell us what you think and review ^.^


	7. The Slippery Slope

**Disclaimer: Things we own- Robs:** peacock blue NYC nail polish [cheap but cute], 5 pairs of similar looking sunglasses, and 24 pairs of heels**. K:**a massive headache, Seasons 1 thru 5 of Dr. Who on DVD and a really niffty tinkerbell pen :D

**We still don't own Twilight; or the characters. **

**A/N- Robs: JPOV! And dinner with his family, how do you think it will go? We shall see! I need to thank some people with their help on this chapter, Linds, My brother, Tippi, Ray and Kat. Fair warning, this is a fairly graphic drug use chapter, so if you do not want to read it wait for the chapter breaker with the ! at the beginning and end and just end the chapter there. It is fairly important to the story, but Alice will sort of fill you in the next chapter. **

**K- thanks to everyone of our fans girls whether we talk to you daily on the twilighted thread or over at Ravelry, or even in review responses and PMs we love you guys and our friends and family that tell us to keep this going. Like Robs said this chapter may not be intended for all... =\**

**Thanks to Emmy our beta and a great friend; we love you hard girlie!**

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**The Slippery Slope.**

_Flirting is the art of making a man feel pleased with himself._

I woke up with the worst case of morning wood from a really good dream, and a girl who was extremely willing to help me with it.

_Alice. _I let her live with me and now it's like having my own personal little sex kitten, who gives blow jobs for a living. _Yeah._

I meant what I had told her the night before… about me wishing that she actually liked the way I touched her. She was a very good actress. She told me what I wanted to hear the night before, but truly, it didn't matter. I wasn't in love with her; I wasn't going to fall in love with her so it was no big deal.

I waited until she fell deep asleep last night before trying anything with her, kissing her a few times to see if she'd return the kiss, it didn't happen and made me slightly sad. I loved the feel of her lips, I even dreamed about making out with her, and then woke up to her stroking me and purring out a nickname for me in my ear. Shit is ten kinds of erotic.

Then got a quickie in before visiting my dad, who gave me a lecture about how condoms can fuck with pap results, then when I told him we didn't use a condom I got another lecture about how I should protect myself and her… Yada, yada, yada. Seriously, it's not like I've done it before. Usually I'm really careful. Just… I don't know, with Alice I felt like I was safe.

Then after my physical, I took Alice to Wal-Mart to get something to wear. Shopping two days in a row, this girl must have some sort of hold on me because I hate shopping. There is a reason Edward buys my groceries and Esme still buys my clothes. I despise shopping, but with Alice, it was okay. Especially buying her panties. My lord, if I ever get a good enough job, I am taking her somewhere better. Like Victoria's Secret or some shit that chicks like.

At the apartment is when I realized that we were more like a couple than a roommate situation. I wondered if she had figured that out yet too. I was lost in thought when my brain was fogged by the smell of bacon. Then I fucked everything up by freaking out about the knife. Damn thing wasn't even being held or anything. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but of course, Alice was there to make me feel better. I was really starting to believe that she was sent here to be mine. That she was made for me, but I was still apprehensive. God hates me, what is he going to do to mess me up about her.

That's when I decided not to fall in love with her. It could be that easy right? You just make a choice and don't let yourself fall; I could see how I could fall for this chick pretty easy. I wouldn't let myself do it. I would continue to act polite and sweet to her. After all; she is a doll. But I was going to continue on my path.

But first we had to get to dinner. After we ate out BLTs Alice went into the shower and I got dressed, and brushed my hair. Then Ed arrived about ten minutes early. I gave him a shit eating grin when he told me I got cleaned up and flipped him off. Then we went and sat on the couch while Alice finished, we both knew better than to rush a girl.

Then we started to talk about her.

"What was that look for last night, Ed?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What look?" He gave me a look of complete innocence. Too bad I saw through that shit.

"The look of 'oh my God I want to fuck your girl' last night when she introduced herself to you." I smirked at him.

"She's pretty cool." Edward blushed, looking at his feet. I laughed and patted his shoulder. At least I wasn't the only one affected by Alice. I got up shaking my head at him and tapped on the bathroom door.

"Darlin', you almost ready?"

"Just a second," her voice called from behind the door. I stood, dutifully waiting, and Edward moved from the couch to stand by the front door just as Alice opened the bathroom door and stood in front of me.

My pants seemed to get tighter as I took in her look. The dress fitting her body perfectly and the shoes made her calves look incredible. My eyes locked with hers as I watched her cheeks get rosy. "Now I'm ready." Her voice was sure, but her smile seemed a little nervous, so I smiled at her reassuringly and offered her my arm which she seemed to take gladly.

The car ride was a bit awkward; Alice sat in the back because she figured I would be more comfortable in the front, and trying to separate myself from the temptation of molesting her in the backseat of my brother's car. I agreed, but kept sneaking glances at her in the rear-view mirror watching her as she looked out the window of the car, taking in the landscape.

About forty-five minutes later, we pulled up in front of the house. I looked in the mirror to take in Alice's reaction. Her eyes grew wide as we pulled into the garage and Edward and I both got out, opening Alice's door to help her out as she looked around in wonder. I laughed a little internally, remembering the first time I had seen this house, it was huge, bigger than the house in Texas even. I could just imagine what Alice was thinking.

I smiled at her and took her hand, our fingers lacing together as I pulled her behind me and walked through the door into the mudroom, then to the kitchen where Esme was chopping something at the island looking absolutely perfect in a light blue dress and her white and blue floral apron.

"We're home!" Edward announced, causing Esme to jump a little and turn towards us.

"Oh God, Edward," She held a hand up to her heart. "I don't understand how y'all walk so quietly." She looked at him as he walked up and gave her a hug.

"Sorry Mom."

"It's fine dear. Go set the table." She pointed towards the dining room before turning towards me and giving me a warm smile. "Jasper." I let go of Alice's hand to walk over and give her a hug. She hugged me back tightly before pulling away and giving me the once over with her critical eye.

"Hey mom," I said meekly.

"You're skinner. Jasper, don't you eat?" I rolled my eyes and motioned for Alice to join us and felt Alice's presence at my side. Esme's eyes darted over to her and looked her over, smiling in approval.

"Mom, this is Alice, my-" I cut myself off. I almost called her my girlfriend. _What the fuck is wrong with you, Jasper? _"Alice, this is my mom, Esme."

I felt her get closer to me, I looked down at her a little confused, was she shy? "Nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen." _Well, at least she's polite. _Esme beamed at her.

"Please dear, call me Esme. It's nice to meet you as well, Carlisle said you would be joining us, I hope you like steak." She nudged me lightly, knowing my intense fear of knives. "We got Jasper's favorite. So tender you can cut it with a butter knife." I could practically feel my stomach dancing the mariachi inside of me. I smiled at her.

"That sounds great, thank you." I looked back down at her to see her smile shyly. That's so fucking cute. I took her hand and felt her fingers lace with mine again.

The gesture didn't escape Esme's notice, she tilted her head a little at me and gave me a knowing smile. _Oh no, not you too._

"How about you give Alice a tour of the house Jazz." She moved back to the island and resumed her chopping, making me shiver a little and turn away reminding myself that it was Esme who held the knife and started to walk toward the living room.

"She's nice," Alice whispered. "And very pretty." I almost kissed her for being so sweet. I needed desperately to show her to my room. I needed to touch her before I exploded.

"She is very nice. Thank you." I responded politely as I pointed out rooms moving towards the stairs and leading her up them. I pointed Carlisle's office and then opened the door to my room.

"This was my room, well, still is my room." I chucked, letting her walk in first and then shutting the door quietly behind me. I looked around as she seemed to do the same. My room hadn't changed since I left, a king sized bed sat in the middle of the room, baseball trophies still on the selves that lined my walls. Bookcases filled with books lined the wall that didn't have a window. I moved to sit on the edge of my bed, watching as Alice looked around.

She moved to look at my trophies. "You play baseball?" She looked at me over her shoulder, making me imagine her doing that very same thing, only naked and moaning.

I smirked a little at her. "Used to." _Why? you impressed?_

She chewed her lip while turning to look at me. "Umm... when did you graduate?" She asked, I saw her cheeks get a little pink. It wasn't that long ago that I graduated.

"2006."

She nodded a little in response, her cheeks getting red. "Sorry, you're gonna think I'm an idiot, but that makes you what in your early twenties?" That made me chuckle a little, she was asking all this to try and figure out how old I was? _Sure now she cares about shit like that._

I leaned back on my elbows, looking at her and wetting my lips a little. "Twenty one. I turn twenty two in December."

I could tell she was calculating in her head, probably our age difference, which worried me a little bit, before my good little actress smoothed out her features with a nice smile. "This is a nice room…"

_She's good at changing the subject as well. _I nodded a little in response to her. "It hasn't changed much." I told her, looking around and noticing that the pictures of scantly clad women had mysteriously disappeared.

She turned and started to look some more at the trophies, running her finger along one of the figures. "My mom used to say it wasn't the decorations that change, just the person." I smiled at that thought.

"Yeah I didn't really take anything with me when I left for college. I just figured I'd buy everything new." I shrugged a little, smiling a little at how stupid that thought was now.

She turned to face me and I noticed she seemed to be wringing her hands nervously. She was nervous, I've fucked her ten ways from Sunday and she's still nervous around me, that's kinda funny to me. I smiled at her. "That makes sense. So, what position were you when you played?"

"Short stop."

She smiled at that. "I was told I had a wicked curve ball." She bit into her soft full bottom lip, making me want her even more. I licked my bottom lip again.

"Com'ere please?"

"Okay," she walked over to me, giving me a cute half smile as she stood in front of me. I rolled myself so I was still leaning looking up at her, but resting on an elbow.

"Are you okay with how old I am?"

"Oh yeah," she nodded her head vigorously and sat next to me looking at her hands as I caught a glimpse of the blue lace of one of the new bras I bought her, set off against her skin, making my dick throb in my pants. "I must seem like a fool for not asking sooner, huh?"

I smirked at her a little, "Nope." I said, I moved us so she was sitting on my lap, one leg up on the bed and the other dangling off the side, her body was sideways and she looked up at me, her blue eyes looked wide and innocent. I leaned down and kissed her neck gently, placing my hand on the other side of her neck and bringing her closer to me as I inhaled her fragrance. She smelled good, sweet, like vanilla. She wiggled against me and giggled.

_Fuck, if she wanted me to follow my mom's rules, she better stop that._

"You look really nice by the way." Her voice was sweet and honest.

"Thank you." I smiled and looked back down her dress at the lace that barely hid her tits from me. "You look good too." I met her eyes smirking.

"Aren't you glad I had you wait to see it? The full effect is a ton better than what you would have seen when I tried it on." She grinned at me as I moved her so my very apparent erection was now pressed against her cloth covered ass and sighed.

"No, because it obviously has a good effect on me." For an added emphasis I rolled my hips up into her. "But we can't do anything because I will be shot if I have sex under this roof."

"Oh!" She turned a little, lifting her leg up again and buried her face in my chest. I automatically grabbed her leg to keep her from falling off of me when she spun the way she did. However bad it may seem, the minute my hand touched the soft warm flesh of her thigh, I couldn't keep my thoughts straight. I needed to touch her and hear her moan, just a little bit.

I started to massage her thigh, making her legs automatically open for me as she fisted my shirt in her hands. Moving my hand closer and closer to wear I could make her moan, I had to bite my lip to fight the urge to lay her back on the bed and take her right then.

"Jasper... not a good idea right now don't you think?" She groaned a little into my chest.

My fingertips brushed the lacey fabric that covered her core, she was wet. That made me smirk as I leaned to whisper in her ear, "I just wanna hear you moan a little."

She looked up at me her eyes were slightly lidded, telling me she wanted it. "What if someone walks in?" _Oh fuck, I want her, fuck Esme's rule, I'm gonna fuck her in this over-fluffy bed. _I moved her so she was on her back and I was at her side, running my lips along her neck.

"Listen for the creak." I told her, remembering the creak on the stairs I learned the hard way about so many years ago as I massaged her other thigh, making her bite her lip in earnest.

"I don't know Jasper," her voice came out in a husky whisper. I licked my lips watching her mouth and lightly brushed my fingertips along the lace.

"Or you could kiss me and no one will hear you moan." That wasn't a question, there was no way I was going to let her moan all crazy loud at my parent's house, I would force my tongue in her mouth to muffle her if I had to.

"Jasper, that's not funny." Her tone became quite serious, which was interesting because I wasn't joking.

"What isn't?" I asked her, moving my hand away from her crotch. She instantly started to sit up, I wasn't moving my hand for her to sit up, I half felt like shoving her back into the bed.

"Never mind," She said, shaking her head. _Fuck seriously, all this because of a fucking kiss. _My hand grabbed her crotch, rubbing it fiercely through the material as I glared at her. _Give me something Alice. _I heard her breath catch a little and she leaned her head into me. "Jasper, please." I could hear the tears in her voice. _Fuck it. I really don't need this. _I pushed her away from me gently and pulled my hand from her.

"Fine." I spat at her, getting up and swiftly moving towards the door I yanked it open. I could just go see Maria tonight, two birds, one stone. I walked out the door glancing back at her over my shoulder as she slowly got up and started fixing her dress. I wish I wasn't so attracted to her. "Dinner is probably ready anyway."

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Dinner turned out delicious as always, steaks were perfect, and veggies were perfect, honestly if anyone were to ever give Esme a superpower, she'd be super-mom. That was until she opened her mouth.

"So how did you meet our Jazz?" My head snapped up when she asked Alice that, Esme, of course, was smiling pleasantly.

"At his work," Alice said quietly. That made me smile; I only hoped she didn't ask how many days that had been. Three days. It had been three days since this dark haired nymph whirled into my life and made me do crazy shit I never did for anyone.

"Did he make you smile?" I heard my brother's voice say from across the table. I shot him a dirty look. I knew he and Carlisle knew, but they really didn't need to say anything to Esme.

I watched Alice out of the corner of my eye as she bit her lip.. "He was very polite and that made me smile, so yes he did." I turned my head to her; I made her cry and stormed out of my own apartment like a spoiled toddler when I could've gotten a piece of ass, all because she wouldn't kiss me. I felt Esme's hand touch my forearm and give it a quick squeeze.

"Aww that's sweet." She beamed at me before turning to Alice again.

I_f you say so mom. _

"Edward says you're staying with Jazz?" Alice's eyes grew wide and I shifted in my seat nervously before looking back down at my plate. I had no clue how to answer that to my mom. I was pretty sure she wouldn't approve of me living in sin with any girl, much less a sixteen year old.

"Yes ma'am, he's allowing me to stay at his place for a while." I saw in peripheral two things, Esme nod and then Carlisle shoot her a look that told her to not say what she was going to say; instead she just smiled at Alice.

"You look pretty tonight mom." Edward's voice drifted from across the table to me, _ass-kisser. _Esme grinned at him and thanked him of course, but he wasn't done. "You look really nice too Alice." My head snapped up to look at him; he was giving her his famous panty-melting-angels-must-fucking-sing-when-he-does-it-because-of-the-way-girls-react-to-it half-smile.

"Thank you." _Ahh, and there is that angel's voice now. _I looked at her, seeing if she liked my brother's smile, sure as shit she did, the blush making that evident. Normally, I am not a jealous man, as a matter of fact; I tended to try and push my girl's in Ed's direction, hoping he'd bite. Usually it was nothing, but as I sat looking from her and my brother I had this sudden urge to throw him through something, I felt my teeth start to grind together.

"Jasper, you going to go back to college yet?" Esme asked me, I continued to glare at Ed, who stared back.

"No."

"What about you Alice, you in college?" If I weren't fighting every urge to throttle Ed at that particular moment I would've looked at Esme funny. _Did Alice look old enough to be going to college?_

"Um, no ma'am. I'm in between with my schools right now." She still sounded nervous. I was fighting the urge to save her, steal my old bronco's keys and just taking her home. This was obviously a very bad idea. I glanced at Alice sideways, her chest was heaving a little in nervousness, the swell of her breasts was peaking out from the top of her dress, instantly giving me the hugest hard on imaginable. _Fuck did I need to get off. _Leave it to Edward though, he started to chuckle.

"Code for she's still in high school mom, but she's a runaway so she can't enroll. Hence why she is staying with Jasper. Lord knows if she had a choice she wouldn't be." My eyes shot back to my brother, his eyes dared me to say something. He and I both knew that the beautiful creature sitting next to me wasn't really my girlfriend, but fuck he's an asshole. He smirked at me as I gripped the seat of my chair the only thing keeping me in my place was Esme sitting between us. Esme mumbled an apology and went back to her eating, no doubt trying to diffuse the situation.

I was pissed though; nothing was going to calm me down. Well, nothing that was until I felt a small cool hand on top of my own, even though I didn't know her long I instantly knew. _Alice. _I glanced at her again as she looked at me concerned. "No it's okay Esme. But yes as Edward was so kind to point out, I'm still in high school. And I think that it was very kind of Jasper to offer me a place to stay when that kind of thing is very unheard of as of late, don't you agree Edward?" I saw her give Edward a sort of dirty look. She was defending me? That's an interesting turn of events.

"I guess so." I looked back at Edward's smug face and gave him an eyebrow. "I'm surprised he lets you live there for free…" Everything in my body twitched, I knew I was getting sex as payment, but still Edward is El douche extraordinaire today, I wasn't taking anything from her that wasn't freely given and I'd probably still let her stay even if she wasn't sleeping with me, in every sense of the word.

"Enough Edward." Carlisle's voice was soothing, but there was a tone to it that you couldn't refuse. I turned my hand and laced my fingers with Alice's looking down at our joined hands as I did so. I smiled a little at that.

"Jasper, honey, I know that a guest is here, but you never take my calls and I heard you're not seeing the therapist anymore... can I ask why?" Fuck. I groaned loudly and rested my head against the table eyes still locked on our hands. Alice was my savior I knew it. "She said you were still seeing Maria." I almost cried as Alice let go of my hand as if it were fire, moving her hand back into her own lap. _Maria, she was none of anyone's business, but mine. I needed her, why didn't people understand that?_

I didn't know I was on my feet till I heard the sound of the chair hitting the floor. "Isn't her telling you shit against like some shit? I'll be back." I stormed out of the room, away from Esme and her unyielding questions, Edward and his overbearing smugness and Carlisle and his… Well, there's really nothing wrong with my father-figure. I pulled out my smokes as I went, putting one between my lips and lighting the minute I got to the front door. I sat on the stoop and leaned against the door frame listening to them talk about me.

First thing I heard was Esme apologizing to Alice; and Alice, as always, said it was okay. I rolled my eyes at how much that girl said that.

"I do have a question but I don't think it's my place to ask." I heard her voice, sounds soft, but all at the same time firm. Her voice turns me on. I closed my eyes listening to it.

"Ask away." I held my breath, expecting her to ask him anything. Anything except what she asked.

"Don't you think you were kinda being a," She stopped for a brief second. "For lack of a better word, a dick to Jasper?" I heard her apologize for her language, but was dancing internally because she stood up to Edward, whom girls always thought was more handsome, more intelligent, more… pfft - whatever than me. She was standing up to him for me.

"Don't you think it's kinda wrong that he keeps you as a sort of pet?" I almost forgot the damned rules and brought the cigarette into the house to beat the crap out of Edward. I may love him, but fuck he was being a jack-ass. I do not keep her like a pet. _Do I? _Alice's laugh drifted towards me it sounded like bells to me.

"See that's where you're wrong, Edward. The agreement we have is I help him with things such as cooking and cleaning. He protects me by providing me a safe place to sleep at night. Would you rather he let me stay out on the streets? Surely you were raised better then that?" _Checkmate motherfucker. _I smirked, he couldn't fight against that.

"I'm sorry I assumed differently. When I came in the apartment this morning, I automatically assumed badly." I could hear the bullshit laced in his tone. He didn't believe her for a minute, but without calling us out outright in front of Esme he couldn't say shit.

"Yes, next time you should know the finer details before you assume things." She sounded smug, and proud of herself. I smiled a little at that. I heard Esme tell Edward to eat his food and ask Alice to come closer to her, I knew they were whispering. I was pretty sure it was about me and fairly certain it was about Maria. Well, whatever, one less person I get to tell my life story to.

Suddenly the whispering stopped and I could hear Esme telling Alice about the girls, or rather the lack of girls, Edward and I have brought home. I finished up my cigarette listening to Alice talk about how Edward had made his invitation seem like I brought girl's home all the time and Esme explained how she's never minded who we brought over. I think Esme just really liked to entertain people and of course, embarrass us immensely. I butted out my cigarette, looking at my shaky hands and walked back into the house, much more relaxed, and thinking about getting high.

I rounded the corner to see Alice cocking her head to one side and looking smug about something. On her, I love that look. "So you mean.... Edward has yet to bring a girl home as well?" I saw the back of Edward's neck grow red and that made me rejoice within. I smirked at Alice and licked my lips, thinking of the last time I saw her with that look on her face.

"Edward is just about to join the priesthood. Ain't yah?" I clapped Edward hard on the back as both Carlisle and Esme shook their heads at us. Alice glanced up from Edward and smiled warmly up at me, that smile made me feel guilty for my plans later on tonight. I returned to my seat next to her.

"Welcome back." She laced her fingers with mine again, making me feel guiltier, but I had to get my stuff. I was sure that my hand was shaking so hard it was probably shaking hers as well. I looked at Edward who was scowling at me. Carlisle got up and went to his study after excusing himself and exchanging pleasantries with Alice. I already knew my adoptive parents liked her.

After that, Alice thanked Esme for dinner which earned a comment about me and Ed's pissing contest, making me want my car even more. I decided to ask her about it figuring it was worth another shot, she turned me down every time, but there's no shame in trying.

"Mom... can I have my car?" Esme thought about it for a moment before looking at Alice. Wow she was gonna ignore me?

"Do you have your license?" _Or not. _I raised my eyebrow at the petite chick sitting next to me holding my hand as she nodded.

"Yes ma'am."

Esme looked back at me, "You may have your car back on two conditions."

"Okay." _Whatever you want I just want transportation again!_

"I keep the title so you can't sell it." I nodded immediately to that one, she gave me a hard look and continued, "And, Alice drives it." I scowled a little instantaneously.

"Wait, what?" I heard Alice's voice from next to me, she didn't really want to drive my car either that relaxed me a little; it would be easy to convince her of what I wanted.

"I don't want Jasper to total it," Esme answered Alice, and made me roll my eyes. I wasn't that much of an idiot to drive my car after I had been doing shit.

"Okay... but I don't know the area and I don't want to get lost and then have…" She trailed off, I could see her shake her head in my peripheral. "Never mind, um... if Jasper's okay with it then I understand." I watched as she looked down to our hands. I gently rubbed the side of her hand with my thumb.

Edward got up at that moment and came over to us, making me part with Alice's hand. "Well since I don't have to drive you home," I tried to not watch as he kissed Alice's hand, making Alice's cheeks turn a little pink. _I hate that blush, but all at the same time, oh how I love it. _He squeezed my shoulder in passing and then gave Esme a peck on the cheek before jogging up the stairs to his room. I looked over at Alice who was looking at her hands again.

"Let's go home," I said, watching as Alice's eyes darted up to meet mine and she bit her lip, giving me puppy eyes as she nodded.

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The drive back to the apartment was quiet, she was focused on the road and I was getting shakier by the minute. I needed a fix and soon. We pulled out in front of the building and parked where Edward usually parked; Alice cut the engine and looked at me.

_Well, Jay man it's now or never. _I bit my lip and looked at her earnestly. "Can I borrow my car for a bit?"

"Oh." Her eyes went wide and she looked at the keys that sat in her hand. "I didn't know you had plans afterwards…" She trailed off, chewing her lip, that stab of guilt hit me again, and she knew where I was going.

_Damn Esme._

I tried to be as charming and charismatic as I knew how to be. I tilted my head and looked at her my eyes willing her to look at me. "I need to blow off some steam; I'll be in bed with you when you wake up." I promised.

Alice nodded and closed her eyes, giving up. "Esme's gonna kill me." She opened her eyes and met mine finally, looking deep, seemingly into my soul. I couldn't break the connection and look away, I was transfixed. I felt the tingles as her fingers brushed against the palm of my hand leaving the keys there, "Please be careful."

I nodded slightly, taking the keys from her and scooting over the seat to the driver's side as she got out, still lost in her eyes. She could probably drag me home and fuck me senseless right now, I wouldn't fight it. She broke away to look where she was stepping and I regained conscious thought. "Remember my rules, lock the door, and don't let anyone in." She looked back up at me as I shut the driver's side door and smiled at her. I really didn't want to go see Maria, I need to find another supplier of my drugs.

"Jasper?" she asked, holding on to the door and standing on the step looking into the window at me. The look in her eyes made my insides all queasy, in a both good and bad ways.

"Yeah?"

She did what I least expected, she kissed my cheek and smiled at me, her cheeks rosy with that blush of hers. "Thank you for taking me to you parents. I'll see you when I wake up?" It was as if someone's icy hand reached in a squeezed my heart. The only thing keeping me from taking her upstairs and ravaging her all night was my shaking hands and my burning need to get high. I had to. I felt like I was about to get sick without it.

"Good night darlin'." I nodded my head a little at her, trying to force a smile.

"Night Jazzy." She sounded so happy as she bounced down and started to walk away.

_I need it. _I thought as I started the engine and drove in the direction of Maria's. _I pray this doesn't last long._

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I pulled my pants back on quietly. I didn't need to wake this bitch up. Then I would be forced to do more things with her and really, I had a hard enough time getting off the first time. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but she felt wrong. All wrong, everything, her smell, her taste. _God it was maddening. _

I grabbed the shit she gave me, three rocks. She was feeling generous tonight. I shoved them in my pocket and walked out, running to the bronco sitting by the curb, quickly getting in and starting. I drove off without even looking back. I lit a cigarette lazily, getting anxious for my high.

The minute I got back to the apartment I peeked my head into the bedroom, Alice was sleeping curled up on her side in a ball. I smiled and shut the door quietly, went to the kitchen, dug in one of the bottom drawers, grabbing the bag I had in there and took it with me into the bathroom.

Before I got high I decided to take a shower, quickly and thoroughly washing the sweat and smell of whore off of me. Once I got out, I dressed in grey sweatpants and a white undershirt. I wanted to be comfortable, seeing as I wasn't gonna work all day.

Then I sat my shit up, getting my needle ready, placing my rock on the spoon and melting it slowly, sucking it into the needle and making sure the needle had no air in it. Using a sock I made a tourniquet, fisted my hand and found a vein quickly, puncturing it and pushing the syringe letting the venom flow through my system, and letting go of the sock at the same time.

_Bliss. _

_Happiness._

_Everything is good and right again. My body felt good and strong, my spirits were raised and… _I looked around myself.

_I should clean up. _

I cleaned the bathroom and carefully put my supplies away before heading to the bedroom. _Alice, _my mind and body called to me. I wanted Alice. I walked into the room and looked at the time. 4a.m. The sun wouldn't shine in the windows, and therefore it probably wouldn't be a good idea to wake her up.

_But I want her awake! _My mind whined to me.

_No. _

I looked around again to keep myself busy and found her bag. _I could unpack her things; find places for the dress, her clothes, underwear. _My mind raced with the possibilities. I shifted around my dresser drawers, and organized my closet, making space for her in these areas. I put her bathroom stuff on a shelf in the bathroom and left her art supplies in the bag, then sat the bag near the bay window in the living room.

Because that only took an hour, I cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, by the time I was finished with that the sun was starting to peak in the east. I smiled.

_Alice. _

I went into the bedroom and crawled in bed next to her. Running my nose along her neck, savoring her smell. _She smells of fucking sunshine. _I swear she does. I ran my teeth gently along her neck as well, dipping my tongue out a little and savoring how sweet she tasted.

_Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. _My mind called out to her.

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**End note: Please review and let us know what you think. This chapter made us nervous both to write and post.**


	8. I Must Be Dreaming

**Disclaimer**: We don't own Twilight or it's characters, Neither of us are Mormon. Nor to we own "Forever" By Papa Roach or McDonald's ;)

**K**: Okay so first off, here's Alice and her pov of dinner, as well as Jasper's high. There are no descriptions of needles or anything related to him using Meth. If pot heads (or the term as well as stoner) offends you, sorry bb's we mean no offence. Also I have to say for those of you that think, you don't need a beta, you are wrong. Today showed me a great appreaction for all the shit our beta's and Robs go through. I want to give a special shot out to my bff ahealthydistrust for talking me off the edge later. Robs Amber and Emmy have been saying the same things to me but only you got through my self loathing. And a huge thank you to my PIC for also talking me off the ledge =\

**Robs**: Well, this chapter is a doozy, but it covers a lot. ;) we've worked really hard to make this chapter perfect for y'all! Thanks to everyone who we talk to and everyone who reviewed.... thank you so much for supporting the last chapter.

A big thank you to both Emmy and Amber for looking over the massive ramblings of Alice (OMS Readers are gonna love the length lol)

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**Surely I must Be Dreaming**

_"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked._

_"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."_

_"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice._

_"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."_

_(Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 6)_

I unlocked the door to the apartment, letting myself in. I almost walked away before locking the door, but thankfully remembered to do so. Yes, I was disappointed. But who was I kidding? I was just being stupid thinking that standing up for him like I did would tell him that I liked him.

I sighed, kicking my shoes off as I curled up on the couch. Dinner was delicious and Esme wasn't kidding when she said the steak would be so tender you could cut it with a butter knife. I'll have to find out her trick so I can make it for Jasper.

_Knives... I bet Maria is the reason why he freezes around them. _

I laid my head back as I thought back to dinner.

Jasper had been so angry at me for not fooling around in his room. It's not that I didn't want to, because I did; a lot. It was just when he said the thing about kissing me, I froze. I had honestly believed that maybe, just maybe, he was going to stop with the kissing thing. But I should have known better, I didn't exactly give him the best explanation for it.

The conversation at dinner was different. I was so nervous being there that I felt this overwhelming need to touch Jasper, like my body craved his contact. It wasn't until Edward decided to be a self righteous, pretentious prick did I finally act on the urge and take Jasper's hand.

I couldn't believe Edward would act the way he did, insisting that I was with Jasper out of convenience. Sure, it probably didn't help that Jasper told him I was a prostitute, but regardless. Edward was being callous and it was very inappropriate if you ask me.

I was proud of myself for resisting the urge to slap that stupid crooked smirk off his face but I also didn't want to embarrass Jasper anymore than Edward already had. I wanted to say something else to him, something intelligent to point out that just because he was jealous of Jasper, doesn't mean he had any right to be rude. But of course, the minute I felt Jasper's hand turn and our fingers twist around each other, I didn't want to speak for fear of having the butterflies fly out of my mouth.

Then his mother brought up therapy, making me wonder why he was in therapy briefly before I remembered the incident with the knife. What had happened to him to make him so afraid like he was? It broke my heart to see how upset he was because of how he reacted. It broke my heart to see his reaction to the topic.

Honestly, my heart shattered when the name Maria rolled out of Esme's mouth. I yanked my hand from his, cursing myself for falling for someone already in a relationship. I could feel the tears sting my eyes at the thought, but I quickly fought them back when I heard Jasper's chair fall back and watched as he left.

"Sorry about that Alice," Esme sighed.

I gave her a small smile, "Its okay." I shrugged as she returned my smile. "I do have a question but I don't think it's my place to ask." I looked over at Edward, who greeted me with that arrogant smile of his.

"Ask away," he said before taking a sip of his tea.

"Don't you think you were kind of being a…" _shithead, asshole, spineless prick_, I thought as I paused, searching for the right word, "for lack of a better word; a dick to Jasper?" I felt my eyes widen just as I said it and quickly looked from Carlisle to Esme, "Sorry for the language." I could have sworn I saw a smirk on Carlisle's face as he and his wife nodded their understanding.

Edward raised an eyebrow in amusement, "Don't you think it's kind of wrong that he keeps you as a sort of pet?"

I saw Esme look at her son in shock, as I bit back a smirk, laughing bitterly. "See that's where you're wrong, Edward. The agreement we have is that I help him with things such as cooking and cleaning and he protects me by providing me a safe place to sleep at night." I brought my hands up to the table and folded them in front of me. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Would you rather he let me stay out on the streets? Surely you were raised better than that?" I batted my eyelashes at him.

_Yeah I dare you to insinuate that you weren't raised to care for others shithead,_ I sneered in my head.

"I'm sorry I assumed differently..." he said, as he wiped at the corners of his mouth. The action reminded me of some movie where the guy was uncomfortable with the dinner conversation. I felt oddly smug at that. "When I came to the apartment this morning, I automatically assumed badly," his look making it clear he was calling me on my bullshit. Fuck, I forgot that when we met I had just been 'fucked stupid' by his brother.

Hoping my acting skills were up to par, while praying I wasn't blushing, I smirked at him. "Yes, next time you should know the finer details before you assume things."

_Because sex was never specified in our agreement fucker_, I sang childishly in my head.

"Edward eat your food and stop provoking people," Esme said suddenly, causing Edward and I to stop glaring at each other. "I don't know what has gotten into you." She shook her head then smiled at me, "Alice honey, could you come a little closer to me?"

_Oh shit._

"Yes ma'am." I got up from my seat and sat in Jasper's chair, I moved it closer to her. Esme leaned in and whispered to me.

"I hate to ask this of you, but I can just see by my son's face, you're special to him." I bit my lip as I felt my face heat up. I nodded.

Esme grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, making me look up at her. "Please try to keep him away from Maria, I don't understand why he keeps going back to her, she's a really a very bad woman." She pleaded with me. The look in her eyes nearly made me cry as it reminded me of the last look I got from my mom, pleading with me to leave and save myself.

I nodded. "I will try my best Esme, I promise."

_Why would she want me to keep him from his girlfriend? _

She patted my cheek and smiled. "Thank you." I nodded, giving her a small smile in return.

I leaned in closer to her, making sure my voice wasn't louder than a whisper, "Umm... It's probably not my place to ask but, who is Maria? Is that his girlfriend?"

"Well, Maria is Jasper's former foster sister; he was placed with her family right before he ended up with us. She was 16 and he was 12..." she paused chewing on her lip as her eyes glanced over at her husband, before meeting mine again. "She, uh, sexually abused him in terrible, degrading ways. He would kill me if I ever told you more about it." I felt my eyes widen as my jaw slackened. "And she's not his girlfriend." I felt the weight on my shoulders lifting some when she said that.

I chewed my lip, nodding. "Why is he scared of knives?"

She shrugged and I noticed tears in her eyes. "I know he was when he first came to us, we got him over it and then," again, she bit her lip as her eyes danced over to the door Jasper had left through, over to her husband and then back to me, "Carlisle got a call from the hospital telling us that Jasper was in the Emergency room with a three inch deep wound in his side, it was pretty serious." She shook her head and I wondered if the tattoo was covering the scar from the stab wound. "According to the reports from CPS…" She pressed her lips into a tight line, stopping herself before continuing. "Maria used to torture him with them... I don't know the full details; frankly, I don't want to know."

I covered my mouth as I gasped, "Oh my god."

Esme nodded sadly. "But that's how we ended up with him; I just wish we could have gotten him sooner." She said with a sad smile.

I squeezed her hand, "Everything will turn out okay."

"I hope so," she smiled as she sat up straighter, effectively ending our private conversation. "You know, you're the first girl he's ever had over for dinner?"

I felt myself blush, "No, I didn't know that."

She nodded, "Why do you think Edward," she said rolling her eyes in his direction, "was being such a putz to him?"

"Honestly," I giggled, "Edward made it seem as if it was normal to have a girl come to dinner. At least when he extended the offer, it seemed like that."

Esme looked over at Edward, "Really now?" I looked over to see Edward talking with his father, seemingly to ignore us.

I nodded, "Yes ma'am, I believe his exact words were, 'mom doesn't care if you bring your girl, you know that'." I said smirking at Edward as he glanced over at us.

Esme chuckled, "Yes well, they all know I love it when any of them bring friends or whatever over, but the only one of my sons to ever bring home a member of the opposite sex is Emmett, my oldest." She gave Edward a look that seemed to say 'so get with the program'.

I tilted my head to the side, "So you mean.... Edward has yet to bring a girl home as well?"

_Oh this is good_, I thought as Edward blushed. Jasper had joined us by this time and immediately my hand was in his.

And now as I sit alone in his apartment, I know what he's doing. Carlisle warned me earlier. Hell, I even noticed how shaky he was as we were getting ready to leave and I was just scared to admit it to myself. I got up off of the couch and headed to the bedroom, wondering what I was going to wake up to in the morning.

----

I could feel the warmth from his body alongside mine, it made me smile. I didn't know what he was doing, but I could feel him nuzzling my neck, tickling me as he moved his face around. I bit my lip to keep from giggling, afraid that I might scare him off. Jasper's arms pulled me closer to him, as he nipped at the flesh of my neck.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up," he sang in my ear making me giggle.

"Jasper that tickles," I informed him, but I think I only fueled the fire.

I felt his tongue glide along my skin as he licked my neck. "Good you're awake!" I turned to lie on my back, looking up at his smiling face. His eyes were wide and seemed excited as his grin stretched across his face. "Good morning."

I rubbed the heels of my hands in my eyes. "Good morning," I said with a yawn... giggling as I covered my mouth. "I didn't hear you come home last night. Did you sleep well?" I grinned at him.

He bit down on his lip as he thought over his answer. "I didn't sleep; I don't need sleep right now. Did you sleep well?" he said in a rush. I nodded. I wanted to say it would have been better if I could have fallen asleep in his arms like I had the night before, but I figured nodding was better.

I kicked the blanket off and started to get up, but he held on tighter. I laughed, "Jazzy, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Why?"

_What?_ "What do you mean why?"

"You could just stay here and cuddle with me?" He gave me a smile that reminded me of being caught with a hand in the cookie jar. "I've been waiting for you to wake up for a few hours now." I smiled at him.

_He is so cute._

I lifted my hand to his face, gently stroking his cheek. "I have to pee though," I explained, feeling myself blush. "I'll be back, I promise. Do you want some breakfast?"

"Okay," he let go of me and I started to get up. "Ummm, I'm not all that hungry... you can eat though." I turned away from him as I got off the bed and nodded. That can't be healthy. I remembered his mom was worried about how skinny he was.

I felt him come up behind me, causing me to turn and look at him. He gave me a mischievous smile. "Do you need any help in the bathroom?" I giggled and shook my head no as I closed the door and locked it behind me.

I looked around and realized that he had put my shampoos and stuff in here. I smiled at the thought of him trying to make me feel welcome.

I quickly washed up and checked my hair like ten times.

_Jesus Alice, it's not like you didn't just breathe your dragon breath on him_, I scolded myself.

When I got out of the bathroom he was in the living room sitting on the couch as his left leg bounced anxiously.

"Hi!" he said enthusiastically, jumping to his feet.

"Hi," I gave him a small wave. "So, I'm gonna make an omelet really quick. Um, I have to cut some things so you may not want to come in the kitchen for a while, okay?" I warned him. I vaguely wondered if it was a good idea to even think of doing that. This was obviously not the Jasper I've come to know over the past three days.

He grinned as he clapped his hands together, rubbing them slightly, "I can handle it!"

I felt my eyebrows hit my hair line. Holy shit, I need to get to the library and research Meth, because this is most definitely not my Jasper.

_Well he's not mine but, ugh, just shut up Alice!_

"No it's okay... I can call you when I'm done," I offered. The smile on his face fell as his lower lip poked out some.

_Aww, he's pouting!_ He nodded slightly as he walked over to the bay window.

It took everything I had in me not to walk over to him and drag him back into the kitchen. Instead, I figured it was best to get done what I needed to do quickly so I could bring him back. I grabbed the onion and bell pepper and set to work. In less than five minutes I had everything I needed ready, the knife cleaned and hidden away again.

I washed my hands and went to the living room to get Jasper.

"Oh fuck me," I breathed as I caught sight of him standing there, his arms raised above him as he rested them on the molding of the bay window. The muscles in his arms were perfectly stretched showing me every detail of his strong arms. I had to lean back against the couch to support myself as my eyes traveled down from his shoulders to his back where I could see part of his tat as well as the skin of his lower back as his shirt rode up on him. His sweatpants, God bless them, were low on his hips exposing the waist band of his green boxers.

I bit hard on my lip to keep myself from moaning at the sight of him.

_Fucking hell! I so want to fuck him right now. _

"Jasper?" I prayed my voice was stronger then it sounded.

He turned his head smirking at me. _Fuck I'm so busted_, I thought as I rubbed my thighs together. "Yes darlin'?" he asked, his accent heavy enough to bring me to my knees.

"I... uh... it's safe?" _Smooth Alice, real smooth._

He moved closer to me, his hands grabbing my forearms holding me close to him as he smirked down at me licking his bottom lip. "Is it now?"

I put my hands on his chest. Something snapped me out of my lust filled fog at that moment and I smiled sweetly at him. "Yes, if you'd like to join me, in the kitchen that is." I pulled free of his grasp and headed to the kitchen.

To be honest, the way he grabbed me is what snapped me out of it. It made my blood run cold and fear clutch my heart. I know he wouldn't hurt me, but that in its self was a ridiculous statement to make. All I had was his word and he's not acting like himself right now so I don't know if I could even trust that.

I felt his arms come around my waist before I registered that he was there. I felt him bury his face in my hair, as I leaned against him. "You know I was thinking about how good you smell to me," he told me. I closed my eyes. If he kept saying things like that I was going to fall for him, fast. I could already tell that this was beginning to be more than just a crush on the guy who lets me stay with him... and fucks me.

_It's just the drugs talking_, I tried to remind myself; wanting to cry the moment I thought it.

I ran my hands over his, trying to sound carefree. "Do I now?" I asked as I led us to the kitchen.

"Like vanilla and sunshine. You smell like happiness." Oh God, just when I try not to cry because he couldn't possibly mean what he says; he has to go say something else that could make me fall for him.

"Tut, tut, child." he said suddenly, "'Every thing's got a moral, if only you can find it." I giggled as he quoted The Duchess from Alice in Wonderland.

"So does this mean you're the Duchess now?" I teased.

"Nah," he chuckled, "either the rabbit." I shuddered as I felt his lips brush against my neck. "Or the Mad Hatter."

I bit back the moan that wanted to escape as my neck rolled on to his shoulder, giving him more access. "I think the White Rabbit suits you."

He gently kissed my neck, "'Most every one's mad here; you may have noticed that I'm not all there myself'. My favorite line from the movie," he said, as I felt his lips curl into a smile against my skin.

_Suits you_, I wanted to say.

"Oh, why miss," he asked in between kisses on my neck, "do you think the White Rabbit suits me?"

"Because the White Rabbit was always looking for something; claiming to be late. He inadvertently got Alice involved and showed her the way home. At least that's how I always interpreted it." I explained, surprised I was even able to form a coherent thought. "And I can see it in your eyes, you're lost." I added softly.

He spun me around and picked me up, causing me to squeal in laughter as he placed me on the counter. He pushed my legs apart with his hips and he made himself comfortable between them, placing his hands on the counter on either side of me. His green eyes locked on to mine, studying me. "Are you the Alice in the sordid tale? Am I helping you find your home?" He tilted his head as if to understand better.

I shrugged, "It really depends on you, Jasper. Do you see yourself as the White Rabbit? And if so, you have to take into consideration that in her own way Alice helped the Rabbit out as well." I reached over to the bowl with the bell pepper and started to munch on a slice. "And if I were that Alice in this relationship, who says I need to find my home? How do we know I haven't already found it?"

He raised his eyebrow at me; clearly I had piqued his curiosity. "If I see myself as the White Rabbit and you are his Alice, then how are you supposed to help me?" He smiled, "maybe I'm beyond help." He bit his lip thinking for a moment. "What if I'm leading you away from home? Down the rabbit hole?"

I chewed on the bell pepper as I thought that over. I wanted to dance around at the mere thought that he just might see himself as the White Rabbit, making me his Alice. But he had a good point, how am I going to help him?

"Well, hypothetically of course." He nodded. "You already led me down the rabbit hole so to speak, the moment you gave me a key." I smiled as I lifted my arm and gently shook my wrist that held the bracelet with the key.

"And quite honestly Jasper, no one is beyond help. So if you are in fact the White Rabbit, then like him, you don't know or you don't believe that you need help." I shrugged while chewing on my lip, "I guess it's about trust. Because when you think about it, Alice was pretty naïve when she entered Wonderland. Trusting everyone she shouldn't have. And when she finally realized the Rabbit was really helping her all along and it was him she needed to trust, that's when they both realized what they wanted most."

"And what was it they wanted the most?"

"Acceptance," I said simply, watching as a smile played on his lips. "See Alice never felt like she belonged at home or in Wonderland. She was always a dreamer." And I could definitely relate to that. "And the Rabbit, well he was busy running around and around trying so hard to please his queen that he never stopped to think about what he wanted or accepted that he could only do so much, instead of seeing his full potential." I guess in this situation Maria was Jasper's queen.

Jasper lifted my hand and kissed my wrist, "That was a very intelligent answer. But what if he does it only because it's what he is. A man," he paused, "or rabbit in this case, first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world and then defines him self afterward. Maybe the very thing that the rabbit thinks he can do is the only thing he is meant to do."

_Bullshit._

"Then the Rabbit is lying to himself, he's allowing the demons to hurt him and refusing to cast them aside. We can only learn from what we've done and hope to be better than what we were. Again like we said, this is all hypothetical, but I understand Alice's want and need to feel accepted. Not to be judged for what she's done." I gave him a small smile.

"The Rabbit isn't there for judgment." He looked off to the side for a moment, before quoting the Mock Turtle, "Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with and then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction." He placed a hand on my thigh, damn tingles making my heart flutter at his touch. "Uglification and derision."

I never really understood what the Mock Turtle had meant by that, but it obviously meant something profound to Jasper.

I reached up, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "I never said the Rabbit was there for judgment. He proved that to her numerous times." I told him honestly, as I thought back to how angry he got at Edward during dinner the night before and remembered what he had told me about how he feels about us, making me smile "Now, if this debate is over... I'm starving."

He smirked as he pushed himself away a little, "As am I, but you can eat first." I raised an eyebrow at him as I slid off of the counter.

_What in the world was he going on about now? _

As I turned my back to get the eggs ready I felt him brush the hair off my shoulder as he whispered, "And you're really gonna like it." Again his accent was so heavy that I could feel my stomach clench at the sheer need for him. He brushed his fingertips along my collarbone and neck before leaving me alone in the kitchen.

_Smug bastard knows what he does to me_, I thought, shaking my head as I cracked an egg.

-----

I had spent most of the day fighting off his advances. I as much as my body craved to be with him sexually, I knew my heart couldn't take it. I also spent the majority of the day silently watching him as he cleaned the already immaculate apartment. I had a page of notes to compare against what I could find out at the library later and honestly I would have gone by now, but I couldn't bring myself to leave him alone when he was this far gone. I know it's stupid because he's obviously been high before without me around. But after our conversation, albeit a fucked up one, I knew I had to find a way to help him.

Currently he was cleaning the couch, convinced that it ate his cigarettes. I briefly wondered if paranoia was a side effect of the drugs.

I decided to enjoy the remaining warmth of the day's sun as I curled up with my sketch pad and pencils. I had intended to draw what I saw, which at this moment was a very hilarious sight of Jasper's backside hanging over the back of the couch as he muttered profanities at it.

But that's not what I was drawing. What I was drawing at first were the two lovers, obviously. But as I added in more detail, I began to notice he had the curly waves and strong jaw line of Jasper. The female, as her details became clearer; it became obvious that it was me. Sure no big deal we've done that before, just not like this.

I gasped when I realized that in the picture we were kissing, which I know for a fact hadn't happened yet. Not only were we kissing in this picture, but he wasn't wearing his familiar undershirt.

"Daydreaming?" I heard Jasper ask from behind me.

I shook my head, "Uh… no..." I chewed on my lip. How in the hell was I going to tell him about this?

Before I knew it, Jasper was adjusting himself so he was sitting behind me, with me between his legs. I felt him put his chin on my shoulder, wrapping one arm around my middle. "Well, see I think you are..." he pointed at the drawing with his finger, tracing the point in which our lips meet in the picture without touching it." See that hasn't happened, probably won't, since you have such an aversion to kissing me." He chuckled, "and you don't know about my deal with my shirt, so it must just be your daydream, because my shirts off..." he trailed off.

_Daydream huh?_ I thought as I flipped back towards the beginning of my book to where the drawings I had done shortly after I left home were. It was a picture of me and him kissing in a hallway of some sort. Only at the time I was drawing it, I didn't know who he was. "Look at this closely then look at the date." I instructed.

He was quiet for a moment, as his arm let go of me. "Um... okay darlin', I can think pretty far out there and I am smart as fuck, if I do say so myself... after all I did graduate salutatorian from my high school... but you might have to explain this coz this is over my head Peanut style." I smiled at his reference to the popular puppet.

I sighed, "Okay, well as you can clearly see this was done in two thousand and eight... at the time I didn't know who you were. I just thought it was some random guy in my head... but I have this thing, like 'ghost writing' but I do it in the form of drawing instead..." God he's gonna think I'm fucking crazy. Just like everyone else who knows about what I can do.

He pointed to the man in the picture, "You do realize that looks an awful lot like me?" I nodded.

"I umm... I've been drawing you since my last birthday."

"Why me?"

I shrugged with the shoulder he wasn't currently resting on, "I wish I knew." I was beginning to think I knew why, but doubted he wanted to hear it.

"Sorry, I figured you probably didn't. I've just never really experienced anything like this." He sounded like he was amazed. "So, are you trying to tell me that you draw... the future?"

_Well now or never Alice_, I thought as I nodded, "Yeah... That's why I said the other day to give us, and the kissing some time."

"You may have already figured this out but, I'm really impatient."

I nodded, "Yep." I closed the book wishing I hadn't shown him. "Sorry, I'm a freak." I shrugged again, "but whatever. You'll learn to ignore it too."

_After my 'visions' find a way to screw with you as well_, I thought bitterly as I tried to get up.

As I got to my knees he grabbed me and made me spin to face him. "I don't want to ignore it." His eyebrows knit together, "I kinda like it, and you're a really good artist."

"Really?"

He nodded, "Really."

I smiled, "Thanks." _Wow this feels awkward._

He started kissing the hollow at the base of my throat, the vibrations from his words tickled me, "And I'm also easily distracted by you."

"Apparently," I was afraid to take this any further, so I said the first thing that came to mind. "So did the couch ever give your smokes back?"

He pulled me closer, his arms went around me and his lips never left my neck. He rolled us so I was now pinned under him. "I don't really care right now... all day I've been thinking about you."

I laughed at his one track mind, "Oh I don't know about that. I mean you were really having a battle with that poor couch," I teased.

He nibbled at the skin beneath my ear, causing me to roll my eyes in pleasure. "All while thinking about you naked and writhing under me. You'll see I have a mind that can think of multiple things at once, there are two things I am constantly thinking about." Well it looks as if he's going to be honest with me. At least I hoped he was.

I brought my arms around his shoulders, letting my hand slip into his hair and running my fingers though it, "Yeah, and what's that?"

"Well it used to be just sex in general, now it's sex with you and getting high." He said looking at me. I could see that he definitely wanted me, hell I could feel him pressing into me, but there was something in his eyes that I couldn't read.

I pushed on his shoulders, somehow achieving my goal to get him on his back. I climbed up and straddled his waist. "Well, I guess I need to work harder to be the only thing you think about huh?" I said in what I hoped he would see as a teasing tone, even though I was completely serious. I had fallen for Jasper way faster than I should have. Rather than blow my cover; I leaned down and began kissing his neck.

He moaned a little as he slid his hands under my shirt and started rubbing my back. "Are you sure you'd like that?"

_What the fuck? _

I sat up to look him in the eye; he needed to know that I wasn't kidding around. "I think the more appropriate question is could you handle that?"

He bit his lip as his hands moved along my stomach and ribs, caressing their way to my tits. "Oh... I think I could."

_Was he challenging me? _

I bit my lip to keep from moaning out_. Fuck keep this up buddy and we're gonna fuck right here,_ I thought. "But it might take time... and you said it yourself, you're impatient."

By this time he was massaging my tits with his hands, "When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened."

"And which one are you?"

He smirked as his fingertips brushed against my nipples, making me rock my hips against his, "The second kind of course." He growled, as he pinched my nipples between his fingers.

I looked at him, his eyes bright green. "Jasper..." I panted, watching as he licked his lips. The smug bastard knew he had me. "Fuck me." He didn't need to verbally respond, the growl and quick removal of clothes was response enough.

Just as I registered the soft fabric of his comforter hitting my bare back, he slid into me hard and fast. I cried out, quickly turning my face praying that the tears weren't going to escape. He placed his head into the crook of my neck. I could have sworn he was apologizing, but I choose to ignore it.

I tried to raise my hips to his, to let him know it was okay to continue, but his hands held them in place.

"No," he growled out.

I turned my head to look at him, "I'm okay, its okay." I said calmly, as I ran my fingers through his hair. He nodded, not looking at me as he started to create our rhythm.

Finally, he moved his head from its resting place and looked at me as he pulled himself up. I sat myself up on my elbows as our movements became frantic. As good as it felt to have him thrusting inside of me, it felt completely wrong. I fell back on to the floor, briefly thanking God I had brought the comforter out as it got cooler in the apartment.

Jasper licked his way up my body, starting at my navel until he reached my neck.

_Fucking A! He's taking his sweet time isn't he? _

"Jasper," I panted to get his attention and was rewarded with a grunt. I bit on my lip to keep from laughing at his caveman response. The odds weren't good if I laughed while he was high.

"Babe, I wanna do it another way."

"Anyway you want it," he responded as he sucked on my collarbone. His accent was so fucking thick and combined with the huskiness of his voice and what he was doing to me; it caused me to moan loudly as I arched my back.

_Oh fuck, keep talking Jasper and I'll come undone. _

When his lips released my skin, I pushed him so that we rolled over, with me straddling him. He gave me his sexy smirk as he bucked his hips up, pushing his cock deeper into me. I moaned out, closing my eyes as I rode him. This wasn't what I had in mind either, but it worked.

His hands ran up my body grabbing my tits roughly as his thumbs brushed against my hardened nipples. My hands fisted at his shirt as I started to rock my hips faster, his own meeting mine with as much enthusiasm as he slid deeper into me. His hands began to travel my body again, one hand sliding to the small of my back as the other slid up between my breasts to my throat, where it cupped the back of my neck.

I rolled my hips on him causing him to groan and thrust harder into me, as both his hands grabbed my ass hard. I cried out, not expecting it but not hating it either. I was so close that I could almost taste it. I looked down at him and noticed he looked a bit pale. _Shit he's coming down_, I thought as I leaned down to kiss his neck. I knew I had to get him off I could take care of myself later.

"Jasper," I purred his name as I took his earlobe between my lips nibbling on it.

"Alice," he moaned, making me smile. I sat up to look him in the eyes.

"Fuck me the way you like." He growled at me to get on my knees. I knew this would work; he seemed to favor this position.

I got on my hands and knees in front of him, looking over my shoulder at him I winked, "Come and get it big boy." Yeah, I may have shaken my ass at him a little. I felt his hands grab my hips roughly and I instantly relaxed my body, knowing what was to come.

Quickly he pounded into me, his hands forcing my hips to meet his with every thrust making me moan louder each time. Again I felt his tongue on my skin, working its way up from the tat on the base of my spine, up to my shoulders. God I was so close. I felt his breath, hot and moist on the back of my neck as nipped at me.

"Fuck... Jasper..." I cried out, I felt his hand slide around to my stomach and down to my clit where his thumb started to rub it. Before I even had time to register what I was saying, I was begging him to fuck me harder. I felt his other hand fist in my hair close to the scalp pulling me up to be flush with his chest. I cried out again, the pain was evident in my voice even to my own ears. He kissed the crook of my neck again and he slowed down as the fact that he hurt me registered.

_No, we can't have that, he can't show he cares_, a voice cried in my head.

"Fuck me Jasper," I growled out at him. He obliged, thrusting into me hard and fast. Soon my breathing became soundless pants as I relished in the feel of him sliding in and out of me, holding me to him so I felt every muscle work against me. Suddenly he bit into my neck making me scream his name and my hands flew up behind me to tug on his hair. Blinding lights took over my vision as I came hard, clamping around his dick.

"You like it rough don't you?" He asked in that sexy as fuck voice. All I could do was whimper as I rode through the roller coaster he was creating within me. "Fucking little slut," I heard him growl lowly, before a final thrust caused him to spill inside of me.

_It's just the drugs, it's just the drugs, it's just the drugs_, became my internal mantra at that moment in time.

We both collapsed onto our sides as he pulled himself out. I quickly rolled to face him seeing that he was a little shaky and still pale. I smiled at him, hoping he didn't see the inner panic attack I was having.

"I'm gonna draw you a bath okay? So you lay here and relax and I'll be right back," I said, kissing his chest through his shirt.

He gently ran his fingers along my arm, making me rest my head on his chest looking up at him. "You don't have to," he said, and I noticed he was avoiding my eyes.

I made myself giggle, "Don't worry about babe, I need to do something in the kitchen so it gives you an excuse to relax in…" I leaned up to pepper his shoulders with kisses. "A nice hot bath," I finished in between kisses.

He closed his eyes as he let out a deep breath. "Okay," he reached up to rub his hands over his face. "Whatever you want," I heard him say softly. I did notice his accent was still just as heavy as before, but without the huskiness of lust in it. I wondered if he was letting a guard down at that moment.

Instead of dwelling on what was wrong, because there was an obvious shift in the atmosphere, I grabbed my shirt, pulled it back on and skipped to the bathroom. The minute I was in there, I closed the door and the damn broke. I am so fucked. Not so much that I was falling in love with Jasper, but the fact he was a completely different person on the Meth; making wonder which was the real Jasper.

--------

The rest of that evening was not pleasant. I was scared beyond reason; being that the only drug users I had experience with were stoners. I knew Jasper wouldn't hurt me, but I was warned that his temper was worse. Even with the warnings, I guess I wasn't prepared for his anger.

When he was in the tub I decided to make BLT's and potato chips, remembering how much he seemed to like the sandwiches before. When I heard the door to the bathroom open, I peeked around the corner. Of course he was dressed, but it was worth a shot. Of course he caught me ogling him, but I wasn't expecting the glare I got in return. I quickly apologized and returned to the kitchen.

I asked him if he was hungry and he spit out a no before going to the bedroom. The door didn't slam, thank God, so I figured it was safe to go in.

He was laid out on the bed, taking hits from his pipe. I figured this was a good sign; obviously I'm not good at reading emotions.

"I know you're not hungry now, but do you want me to fix you a plate in case you get your appetite back?"

"Go the fuck away," he growled at me, never removing his eyes from what he was doing. Despite the fact I wanted to point out that he was being a fucking ass, I just smiled and left him to get stoned.

After eating dinner alone, I cleaned up the kitchen and living room. I found his smokes, under the coffee table. I decided to give them to him and return the comforter to the bed. When I entered the room he was still awake, his back against the head board as he stared at the wall. I tossed the pack of Marlboro's next to him.

"They were under the coffee table," I explained, when his head snapped in my direction.

"Are you calling me fucking stupid?" he growled out, making me jump a little as his eyes narrowed at me, "I knew where the fuck they were."

"No!" I felt my eyes widen as panic struck me, "I just... Sorry," I managed to stammer out.

He took a deep breath; his voice was scratchy as he spoke, "I'm sorry." I watched his hands as he made a fist, "Everything hurts right now okay, kid?"

Even though I heard his voice break when he called me that, it felt like I had been punched in the stomach by a battering ram. It took every ounce of strength in me just to nod and put the comforter on the bed. I turned quickly so he couldn't see the tears that were falling again.

Numbly, I walked to the couch were I curled up on my side.

_Kid, that's all I am. God, I'm a fucking moron_.

----

The following morning, I woke up in bed. I felt myself smile at the fact that Jasper must of have brought me to bed after I had fallen asleep. I rolled over to say good morning, only to find a note on his pillow. Instantly the tears stung my eyes, wondering if everything was over. After all who wants to take care of a kid right?

The note explained that he had to work early and thought I needed my sleep. He also said that he had some things to take care of so I shouldn't worry about fixing him dinner and not to wait up for him. I laughed when I read his p.s.

"Remember my rules: lock the doors and no one comes in."

I quickly made the bed, then showered and dressed for the day. I grabbed a five out of the jar I bought with the money Jasper gave me. After he gave it to me I realized I had all I needed for dinner and figured a rainy day jar never hurt anyone. I was also hoping that maybe just maybe I could surprise him at work.

I decided to find Jenny and see if anyone had been asking for me. Felix had shown up at the same time as my arrival. Jenny looked at me when I agreed to service Felix, knowing his preferences, but stayed quiet when I told him it would only be a twenty this time.

I should have known that the pencil dick fucker wouldn't listen to me. No sooner then he came did he slap me hard across the face forcing me to swallow. I glared at him and stood up.

"That's another twenty Felix," I growled at him. He smirked at me. "Or I can let your pretty little wife know that you enjoy beating the shit out of a girl that's the same age as your oldest daughter," I said sweetly. He quickly pulled out another twenty, throwing it at me before he stalked off. As soon as I heard his car leave I felt sick. Finding a spot to vomit, I did so and thanked God I didn't eat breakfast.

"The John you staying with made you soft huh?" I turned my head slightly to see Jenny holding a wet nap out for me. Jasper wasn't a John, but I knew better then to give out his name.

"No it's not like that. Thanks to 'baby dick' I have a fractured rib, so I gotta take it easy. You know I don't swallow, ever Jenny." I glared at her as I wiped my face with the wet nap.

"Mary, honey, you know I love you like a sister, but that Felix cat," she shook her head. "Even though he ain't our pimp, Caius agreed to take care of him." I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks Jenny, but I'll be alright." She shook her head at me as she went back to her friends.

-----

Two hours and twenty dollars later, I had print outs of most of the relevant information I could find on Meth and the effects it has on a person. I didn't intend to print everything out, but there was just so much information that I couldn't wrap my head around it all. In fact I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice that I ran into someone until I felt hands around my waist. My head snapped up to yell at the person for touching me but I was stunned silent as I stared up at familiar gray-blue eyes.

"Doctor Cullen, shit I'm sorry." I apologized and he greeted me with just a kind chuckle.

"Alice! Good Afternoon. How are you?" his eyes scanned the papers I had clutched to my chest and then my face. I cursed Felix internally when I saw the pained smile on Carlisle's face. "I was getting a coffee, would you like to join me?"

"Oh, sure," I felt the right side of my lips curl into a smile. "Thanks, I'm good. How are you?"

Carlisle held the door open; much like Jasper does when he's being a gentleman. I walked into the coffee shop, the warmth and smells washing over me like a warm blanket. "Good. I saw Jasper this morning."

I looked over my shoulder at him, "You did? How is he?"

I watched as he pursed his lips some, seemingly to think over his answer. "Well, he's okay. He's seen better days that's for sure, but he's also seen worse." He said while nodding. I nodded as well; obviously Carlisle knew Jasper had been high less then twenty-four hours ago.

When we approached the lady at the counter, I watched as she seemed to be flustered at Carlisle's smile. I bit back a giggle as she stammered out her greeting. I wonder if that happens to all the Cullen men.

"I'll have a Grande Chai latte no whip." He ordered for himself then looked at me, that damn endearing smile on his face. "What would you like?"

"Hot chocolate please," I said shyly

_A kid's drink_, I mentally rolled my eyes.

Carlisle nodded and smiled back at the lady, "Make that a Grande as well." Again I stood there and watched as the she flustered at him. I wanted to laugh, _had she never seen a polite man in her life or something?_

"Thank you Dr. Cullen," I said when he handed me my hot chocolate.

"No problem Alice. Please call me Carlisle." He smiled down at me again. I felt his hand on my lower back as he guided me to the corner of the store where two comfy looking arm chairs sat.

"Sure," I nodded while carefully sitting down. I put my cup on the table next to us and put my papers back in my bag. When I picked my cocoa up to take a sip, I saw Carlisle watching me. I took my sip and felt my eyes close in pleasure at the rich and creamy taste of the chocolate.

"How's your cocoa?" Carlisle asked as he brought his own coffee to his lips, "I've never tried it here."

I felt myself blush, wondering if I had moaned when I took the sip, "Chocolaty?"

He chuckled, "I guess that's the way it's supposed to be. So, I uh, saw Jasper this morning... Were you with him yesterday?" The concern in his voice was a tad disconcerting.

I nodded, "Yeah... that's what prompted the library trip." I gave him a small smile while tapping my bag.

He reached over and very gently touched the right side of my face. I flinched, not 'cause it hurt, but because his touch was colder than I expected considering he was just holding a hot mug.

"Please tell me, did he..." he trailed off. What was it with him always thinking the worst about Jasper?

"No!" I said angrily. I knew he could tell I was insulted by his assumption of Jasper. "I uh, well a client didn't agree with me." I blushed looking down at my cup.

_Jesus did I just confess that to him? _

"Okay, I just had to make sure; he looked rather guilty this morning." I looked up to see his features contorted in obvious worry. But was it for his son or for me?

"No, he just said some things last night, which I suspect was…" I looked around; clearly this wasn't the place to shout out that Jasper was on drugs. "You know." I shrugged as I remembered him calling me a slut and a kid. The kid stung more than the anything. "I dunno, he might have meant it, it's not like he wasn't telling the truth," I lamely defended him.

"Trust me when I say, whatever he said he probably didn't mean it... he tends to not really think when he's..." He trailed off. How ironic, the doctor didn't even know what to say.

I gave him a small smile, "Thanks... How long has he been friend with...?" I paused taking another sip as I thought of the various street names for Meth. "_Crystal_?"

He gave me a nod, no doubt signaling that he understood what I had just done. "About two years." He paused as well to take a sip. "Off and on," he added.

"Have you seen him when he's with _her_? I mean... just for comparison I guess."

_What the fuck was I doing talking to his dad about what he's like high_, I asked myself.

His warm eyes suddenly turned sad, "A few times." he confessed.

I laughed slightly, remembering his epic battle against the couch. "Does he always accuse inanimate objects of stealing his stuff?"

He chuckled shaking his head slightly, "No, sometimes they talk to him." This made Carlisle laugh some more as I tried not to.

"Oh my..."I trailed off shaking my head. I looked up at Carlisle, feeling like an idiot for asking, "I know I should just go home and read, but I dunno, is it normal for him to think nothing scares him?" I felt so bad that he looked hurt when I wouldn't let him help me with breakfast.

He nodded, "He, as other people associated with her, feel like he's invincible around _her_."

"So, me suggesting that he didn't help with breakfast was probably best for all involved?" I was royally confused. Sure talking to Carlisle was helping, but it was still too much to wrap my head around.

He shrugged, "I'm sure he would have loved to help, when he's up... he's up. Really happy, or at least it seems that way." He set his mug down on the table as he crossed his ankle to his knee. "I just know that stuff is really bad for his health, I mean if I weren't constantly giving him shots of this and that, feeding him vitamins, making sure he uses special lotions, making sure he," he looked around before leaning closer to me. "Both has and uses condoms, he'd be dead now."

I leaned closer to him, "I want to help him Carlisle. I have to." I shook my head; I couldn't even explain what I meant. "I know it sounds like complete madness, but there's a reason why we were brought together you know?"

He nodded while looking at me sadly, "I understand." He gave out a heavy sigh as he picked his mug back up. "I hope you can help him. Before all this, he was a guy to know." He smiled over his mug.

I nodded while chewing on my cheek. "I have to help him, he's helped me," I said mostly to myself.

Carlisle tilted his head to the side, "How did he help you?"

I felt the heat in my face again. I didn't realize he heard me. "Well you were there at dinner when Ed pointed out I was a runaway or throwaway as Jasper calls it." I shrugged; it was really the same thing if you asked me. "I guess without him, I'd still be on the street with a fractured rib and making it worse 'cause I had no idea." I gave him a smile, "Thank you by the way... for agreeing to see me the other day."

He shook his head and waved it off, "Not a problem, it was nice to see Jasper caring about someone other than himself again."

_Wait he doesn't normally care for others?_ This thought disturbed, as well as excited me.

I tucked my feet up under me and tilted my head to the side. "What was he like? I mean growing up. He obviously loved reading and sports. And if it was truly him talking at some point yesterday, he was obviously very good in school." I smiled.

Carlisle chuckled as he rested his forearms on his leg. "Well I didn't know him the entire time; I first met him when he was eight. He was brought into my emergency room with two broken ribs and a broken arm, I had never seen anything like it," he said, shaking his head at the memory, "but this child he looked me dead in the eye, and lied to me." He chuckled at that, but I dreaded that he could lie so well, even at that age. "He was too proud, but most definitely brave." I nodded; it seemed if that part of him hadn't changed much.

"I heard a little over a week later that he was taken from his father, he kinda dropped out of my sight for awhile, but I never forgot him. A few short years later, he comes back into my emergency room, only this time this wild looking sixteen year old girl brings him in." He shook his head again, scowling slightly. I wondered if that was Maria. "And then she left. She didn't care whether he lived or died, and that was a touchy thing for awhile, but still, he was so brave. He didn't lie to me that time; he was so brutally honest with me I thought my knees would give out from the emotion." He paused again taking a sip. "I talked to Esme and decided that we could take one more."

"It took us awhile, but we turned him into a normal teenage boy, he excelled at chess, reading, math, writing, art."

_Wait, Jasper was an artist? _

"He was a great baseball player. Got a lot of flak from his brothers because both of them played football, but he wanted to make a name for himself. Charming as hell, that kid; funny at times and could really hold his own in both a physical and mental match." He smiled causing me to smile as I thought about our hypothetical discussion on whether he was the White Rabbit and I, his Alice.

I nodded, "I think I got a taste of his debating skills." I confessed. "But that all changed?"

Carlisle nodded, "He went to college..." he trailed off, shaking his head, "he didn't want to be different, but something brought the demons out, then we found out about Maria showing up here. I thought when we left Texas we'd rid the kids of their pasts, we never realized Jasper's would follow him"

"That's the girl Esme was talking about? Maria? Why do you think he goes back to her?"

He chewed his lip thinking it over, "At first because, he did at one point feel something for her. He used to worship the ground she walked on and it took a lot to break him of that outlook." Carlisle put his hand on my arm, "you have to realize, she was the first person to show him any sort of love, and he didn't know there was another way... I think the reason he still goes back is more out of habit than anything else, he has an addictive personality, meaning he becomes attached and addicted to things easily. He hates change. Abhors it, but when a change is made, it changes him so much as well." Well wait, obviously something in him is changing. After all Carlisle said himself that Jasper never shows he cares for anyone but himself, right?

I chewed on my cheek as I thought about what Carlisle just said. Jasper had an addictive personality, which was obvious with the drugs and his constant attempts at kissing me. Jasper also hates any kind of change. When he does eventually adapt it usually has a drastic and lasting effect on him, sometimes in a good way sometimes not. Look at what happened with us, he let me into his world the minute he brought me to his apartment. Just the other night he made that clear that he enjoys having someone in his world with him, since he gave my things space in his apartment.

I looked up at Carlisle, and smiled. "Well then, I guess we have to start with some small changes to what he knows." I said determinedly. "You test the waters toes first right?" I think that was what my mom used to say to me when I was afraid to try something. I would have to start slow, but where to start?

Carlisle chuckled, clearly amused by my spirit. "You know, you living with him, him trying to take care of you, him bringing you to dinner with him, those are all pretty big things for him." He took a sip of his drink as he raised his eyebrow at me, "has he taken his shirt off in front of you yet?"

I blushed fire red at his question. Sure Edward hinted at Jasper and I having sex, but Carlisle, regardless if he's my doctor or not, it was just weird. "Umm... no." I shook my head. Well there was that one time. "He um, came out of the tub without his shirt, but I scared the bejebus out of him 'cause there was a knife in the kitchen." I explained, chewing on my lip.

_Wait! The knives!_ I can get him used to me using them slowly. Get things cut while he's gone and have him help cook, and then slowly at a pace he's comfortable with, start to use them with him around.

Carlisle nodded, obviously understanding the knife thing. "Whatever you do, when he does take off his shirt; _do not_ pity him. He will run away from you so fast your head will spin, just accept it as part of who he is. Esme made that mistake." Of course, he trusted her not to pity him. "Things that may seem like no big deal to you are probably huge to him and things that may seem huge may be no big deal." He shrugged. Well I could understand that, I have a serious melt down when he tries to kiss me...

_Ohmyfuckinggodtrust!_ I could feel the light bulb click on in my head

"It's about trust... I have to prove to him that I trust him before he'll trust me." I felt my head tilt to the side.

_But should I show him that I trust him first? _

I nodded, "I have a few things that are pretty huge to me, but he seems to think I'm being a _kid_ about it."

Carlisle nodded, "I doubt the kid thing was really him..." he trailed off sighing, "as much as I hate for you to hear it, it's probably something Maria calls him." God, I hate that bitch, first she tortures him with fucking knives, stabs him, doesn't have the decency to make sure he'll live and then still treats him like shit. Its official, my new goal is to be the only thing he wants and needs.

I shrugged, returning my thoughts to the conversation, "Like I said it wasn't anything that wasn't true. I mean compared to him, I'm just a naïve sixteen year old."

"You're a lot more than that Alice; you have to believe in yourself." He gave me a smile and his eye looked as if he was pleading with me to be what he believed me to be.

I nodded, "Thank you Carlisle. You don't by any chance know what time he gets off work today, do you?" I suddenly felt very anxious to see Jasper, surprise or not, I needed to see him.

He thought about it for a moment, as I drank the rest of my cocoa. "I think he said about eight, he decided to do a twelve hour shift, I'm not sure why."

I felt my eyebrows knit together, _was he trying to avoid me?_

"Huh... Well I'm sure I've kept you long enough." I gave him a kind smile as I stood up.

Carlisle nodded as he stood too, "It was nice talking to you Alice, and don't be a stranger."

"Of course not," I laughed, "Now… if you were Edward..." I trailed off shaking my head yeah he was on my prick list. "Thank you again for the hot chocolate."

Carlisle gave a good laugh at that; snorting some, "Ahh don't mind him, he's just like the rest of my sons. They turn into a hopeless caveman in front of a pretty girl." I blushed and looked down at my feet. _I can't believe Jasper's dad just implied that I was pretty!_

I felt Carlisle's finger under my chin, gently raising it. "Posture, Alice, posture. You don't want to end up with a hump in your back," he chided, and winked at me. "Have a nice rest of the day." He reached over to hold open the door. I laughed saluting him.

"Yes sir! Oh! Give Esme a hug for me." I smiled at him over my shoulder.

"Yes ma'am I will." he said waving goodbye as he crossed the street.

-----

Before I went to Jasper's work I went into the Wal-Mart to buy some highlighters and to check my face. It was still slightly red and I knew Jasper would ask about it. When I remembered my hair brush was no longer in my bag I bought a new one so I could fix myself up, I bought some new eyeliner too. After I checked-out, I quickly ran into the bathroom to brush out my hair. I clipped up the left side and did my eyeliner.

When I was satisfied with my look, I hurried across the parking lot to see Jasper. I was surprised it was so dead being that it was almost dinner time for most folks. I wanted to laugh when I heard Papa Roach playing overhead; it was clearly not a family friendly song.

As I approached, I saw Jasper had his back to me, leaning against the counter. His co-worker was throwing ketchup and dipping sauce packages at him while Jasper caught them perfectly. What I didn't expect was the show included them singing. Jasper turned to the side as he took over to sing:

"_You should listen to this story of a life _

_You're my heroine _

_In this moment I'm lonely _

_Fulfilling my darkest dreams _

_All these drugs all these women _

_I'm never forgiven this broken heart of mine_"

I just stood there in a trance. Was there anything this guy could do that wouldn't make my heart race? Just listening to him sing this song, the emotion in his voice made me want to hold him tight.

"Hey there pretty lady, anything I can get for yah?"

_Yeah, how about let Jasper go home with me so I can get him naked_, I thought.

Instead, I gave his co-worker a half smile, "Can I have a Mc Chicken and a small coke, please."

Jasper took this moment to notice me. He came to stand in front of me and leaned on the counter so he was closer to me. "Hey," he said in what I called his 'fuck me' voice; just the right amount of huskiness and southern twang.

"Hey yourself." I bit my lip as I too moved a little closer.

He smiled at me, clearly liking my surprise. "I'm going on my half Larry," he told his co-worker without breaking eye contact with me. "Want anything special?" he asked me, tilting his head.

_Yeah, you and my body covered with sweet and sour sauce_, I thought, making myself blush as I shook my head.

Jasper nodded his head in the direction of a booth, "Go sit down, I'll be your waiter."

"Oh, service with a smile I hope." I smirked before turning to go where he indicated.

Jasper came over a few minutes after I got comfortable. The tray loaded with more things then I asked for, some were trademark Jasper; the pies, nuggets, fries and large coke.

As he set the tray down, I grabbed the hat off his head and put it on my own head, backwards. I preferred to see his beautiful blond waves free then in the stupid mandatory uniform ball cap.

He shook his head as he sat down. "Did I forget anything?" he asked, as he grabbed his hot and spicy sandwich.

"Jasper! You are so helping me eat all this." I pouted. I swear he's just trying to make me fat.

He laughed, "Of course."

I blushed as I grabbed a Mc Chicken and started to unwrap it, "Okay."

He grabbed the water, a thing of fries and a pie to prove his point. "I figured we could split the nuggets." He shrugged. "You could take a Mc Chicken home for dinner or whatever."

I nodded as I picked at my sandwich. Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach, like this was our first date or something.

"Ummm... how are you today?" He asked, making me look up at him just as he took a bite of his sandwich. I was glad to see his appetite was back

I shrugged, "I can't complain... I got some stuff to look at when I was at the library and I, uh, had coffee with your dad. So that was nice." I smiled at him as I took a bite.

He gave me an eyebrow as he drank from his water. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. "I bet. He tell you anything interesting?" He asked as he capped the bottle and brought his foot to rest next to me on the bench. I wanted him to sit next to me, but I guess that would have to do.

I laughed despite my inner turmoil, "Yes actually, apparently even though you aren't blood, all the Cullen men seem to become cavemen near a pretty girl." He chuckled at that. I looked at him hesitantly, "Would it be weird if I said I missed you?" I could feel my cheeks burn at my immature question.

I watched as he chewed on his lip and blushed, "Nah, I... missed you too." I squealed like a giddy school internally as he confessed that to me. His eyes locked with mine, until his confession was over, when he looked down and smiled; his cheeks getting red.

I looked down at my sandwich and grinned. That was unexpected.

I felt his foot nudge my leg, making me look up at him. "I would like to think I am a little different from the Cullen men, I have yet to club you and drag you back to my cave by your hair." He chuckled a little.

I smiled at him while taking a sip, "True, but who's to say I wouldn't like it?" I smirked at him when I saw his jaw drop slightly.

He gained his composure as he took another bite, studying me. "Um…" He looked down at his fries. "I'm... uh... um... sorry about last night," he stammered out.

I just shrugged. "I understand." My mantra from yesterday ran through my head as I glanced at him.

"Larry, he never treats his wif- uh... well... he never acts the way I do on it.... I think... well I just wanna say I'm sorry."

_Wow, does he not apologize often? And why was he comparing me to Larry's wife? I mean, we were just friends right? _

I reached out and gently touched his hand, bringing his attention back to me. "Jasper, it's okay. I understand alright? It's just something I need to learn to be prepared for." I gave him a small smile, hoping he could hear that I wasn't going to leave him in my words.

He smiled back at me, "Thank you."

I shrugged, "That's what friends are for right?" I watched as he nodded sadly.

_Oh shit, don't tell me he wanted more and I just fucked myself. _

"Sure," he said, giving me a small smile. I took a fry from his pile and giggled when his smile got bigger.

"Besides," I started, taking a bite of the fry. "I'm looking forward to another debate."

He chuckled, "Yeah, well, it's nice to have someone to talk to... the fan is pretty interesting, Larry knows nothing." He chuckled again giving me half a smile.

"Wow then I must be a frickin' scholar!" I teased as I threw a fry at him, shaking my head.

He scowled playfully at me. "That has to be like a McDonald's commandment...'thou shall not throw thy divine fries'."

I snorted as I picked up another fry, "And what if I throw another one?" I teased, as I wiggled the fry at him.

"Are you threatening me," he chuckled, "with French fries?" I nodded as he bit into his bottom lip. "If you throw another one I might be forced to kiss you and I think you wouldn't like that." He raised his eyebrow at me knowingly.

_I have to show him that I trust him, in order for him to trust me_, I reminded myself.

I licked my bottom lip, "You never know... I may have had a change a heart."

Suddenly he was sitting next to me in the booth as he leaned close. "Really?" he asked in the sexy voice he used earlier.

I looked at him sideways, "Yes...but this is not the time or place for such treasures to be revealed." I smirked while eating a fry.

He reached over to get his fries and I bit my lip to keep from kissing his neck. "You're a cocky little thing aren't you?" He asked as he started to eat again.

I gave him my best innocent face, "Never... I see the future remember?" I winked at him and laughed as he raised his eyebrow at me.

"It better be one hell of a kiss," he muttered while shaking his head.

I reached over and put my left hand on his thigh. I sighed internally at the contact with him. It was like my body craved to touch his in any way possible. "It will be, I just know it," I said with a confident smile. He just nodded as he chewed on his fry, seemingly lost in thought. "So, um, do you work tomorrow?" I asked deciding to change the topic.

He nodded, "Yes ma'am, I do." His hand started to rub my leg and again I sighed inside. His touch was so calming it was unbelievable.

"So, do I need to get a job and help pay for bills or something so you don't have to take twelve hour shifts?" I smiled a little, but wouldn't look directly at him.

He shook his head. "Nah," he said as he put his arm around me, hugging me to him a little. "I can take care of you; I just thought maybe I should buy a kitchen table or something... I mean, it'd be nothing fancy, I just felt bad that," he shrugged, "you have to eat at my coffee table."

"It's not that bad Jasper." I smiled up at him, "I think it's kinda nice just us at the little table..." I trailed off looking away as I blushed. What I really wanted to say was it was nice being just us and how close as we were at his coffee table.

I felt him shrug as his grip loosened on me. "I just wanna get you stuff... I've never- oh" he stopped himself as he shifted to dig in his pocket for something. "I got you this." He said, holding whatever it was in his hand out of my view. I held out my hand for his as he put a new bracelet on my right wrist.

I looked at the bracelet and smiled. It was a silver charm bracelet with red hearts, black diamonds, three picture charms and a few white bows. I brought the bracelet up to look at the picture charms and laughed. The middle picture was Alice, surrounded by the White Rabbit on the left and the Mad Hatter on the right.

I giggled at that, "That's very appropriate don't you think?"

He nodded. "I thought so," he said, giving me a small smile.

"Thank you Jasper," I said, whilst leaning up to give him a kiss on his cheek, blushing as always when I showed affection towards him.

He smiled, "No problem," he chuckled, "I would say you should thank me properly but I have a feeling my version of properly and yours are very different."

Just because of the way he said it, I had to feign being shocked. "Jasper! I can't do that in a family establishment... shame on you!" I chided and laughed as he looked around the empty restaurant.

"What, with all the customers?" He teased back.

I turned to sit on my knees and looked over the back of the booth at Larry. He looked as if he was watching us 'cause as soon as he saw me he smirked. I turned back around to sit back next to Jasper. "I don't think that would be fair to Larry, flaunting what he'll never have," I said before popping a fry in my mouth, smiling as I chewed.

"You're such a tease."

"And you like it."

Slowly his tongue dragged along his lower lip, "A little too much." He looked away just in time to miss my ever present blush.

He started to eat a Mc Nugget then looked at me. "Was I right that you're a sweet and sour girl?"

I nodded, "Yeah about that, how did you know without knowing me that I'd like that?"

He laughed a little as he looked at the box of nuggets. I noticed it was his turn to turn pink.

_This should be good. _

"Um, that's the way I thought you'd taste..." he trailed off biting his lip.

I wrinkled my nose as I thought that over, "I don't know whether to say thank you or be offended...." I looked at him, "Did I disappoint?"

He shook his head, "But you don't taste like that at all... you're really sweet and a little tangy... kinda like orange juice?"

I instinctively curled myself up into his side, as I buried my face into his shoulder laughing.

"Never gonna have Orange Juice without thinking about you now..." I snorted, "I'm scared."

He scoffed, "Why?"

"'Cause I'm always gonna think about you doing that to me..." I trailed off still laughing in his shoulder.

He nudged me and whispered, "Doing what?"

_Well let's see there's fucking me with your extremely talented tongue, licking my clit like crazy, making me cum like no one ever has... _

I shook my head, "Not saying it."

"What, eating your pussy?" he whispered in my ear. I nodded, _yep that's it_.

"Do you like that?" he whispered, and I noticed his voice was huskier.

I looked up at him, biting my lip to keep myself from screaming it. "Yes."

"Dude! Your half has been up for like 10 minutes!" Larry shouted over at us. I felt myself scowl at him as Jasper put his forehead on my shoulder.

He moved to look at me. "I have some shit I got to take care of tonight? I'll be in bed with you before you know it... remember my rules?"

I nodded, "Lock the door, no one comes in and don't call the cops." I gave him a small smile as I took his hat off. "Wake me if I'm sleeping?"

He smirked a little, "You sure?"

I snorted; I should have known he was going to turn that simple request into something sexual. "Pig," I teased as I nodded answering his question.

He licked his lips as he put his hat back on, "Never said I wasn't."

"True. Go, get back to work." I slowly took my hand off him. "I don't need to get you fired."

He smiled before leaning down to kiss my neck and get out of the booth, "I'll see you tonight." He informed me as I watched him clean up and put the remaining food in a bag.

"Jasper?"

He looked back at me as he got closer to the counter, "Yeah?"

"Be careful 'Kay?"

He gave me a half smile, "I always am." I nodded and turned to leave.

I took one last look over my shoulder as I reached the door to leave. I watched as Jasper playfully shoved Larry laughing, "You suck dude! Remind me to fuck with your game next time, asshole."

I fell asleep that night staring at the alarm clock by his side of the bed. The last that I saw of the time, it was just after eleven o'clock. I didn't remember him waking me up but I knew he was home, even when I was sleeping my dreams let me know he was near; my dream was cold and dark until he appeared. We kissed again and this time it was different from all the other times. I could feel his breath across my face as he came near and my own hands shaking as they reached around his neck.

_Tingles_.

These tingles were nothing like I'd felt before. From the moment his lips touched mine, it was as if electricity had sparked from his lips and went directly to my heart, causing it to sputter. It made me pull away slightly as I felt his lips smile against my own before crushing my lips to his. But as soon as I tried to deepen it, he was gone. But he wasn't. I could still feel Jasper's warmth around me, I just couldn't see him.

The next day I fooled myself into thinking going downtown to get some art work done was a good idea. Well, I was wrong… the minute I made it downtown it started pouring rain. Of course, I wasn't prepared for it so I had to walk home in the freezing downpour. I was already feeling light headed to begin with, but this only seemed to make it worse as I started coughing.

Today was day three since Jasper's high and wouldn't you know it; he left before I woke up, leaving a note telling me he had shit to do after work and not to wait up for him. Although, I think he had a feeling that I was getting sick 'cause he added that he would stop to pick up some extra chicken noodle soup for me. That made me smile.

I really had to pee, so I threw the blankets off me as I attempted to walk to the bathroom. Whatever this cold I had was... it sucked. It was making it difficult for me to even walk from the bed to the door without gasping for air.

By the time I reached the bedroom door, I wasn't gasping, but coughing. It felt as if something was binding my lungs closed, as a fire ran its way up through my chest and throat. I fell to my knees trying to take calming breaths as the panic started to kick in.

Suddenly, I heard the deadbolt on the door unlock. Feeling brave I pulled myself back up and leaned against the wall as I slowly dragged myself down the hall. The door closed and my head started to pound.

"Jasper," I said, but I don't know if he heard me.

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End note: SOOOOOO What'cha think? Feed our addiction and review please?


	9. N’importe quoi pour toi

**Disclaimer: Fairly standard here. Don't own Twilight or it's characters. Wish we did. *sigh***

**A/N: Robs:** I thought everyone was going to kill us for that cliffie! Thank you for not doing so ;) thank you to everyone who read the last chapter oh and whoever nominated us for the indie awards! We are so humbled and honored we were nominated for so much! Thank you!

**K:** eep O.O I wonder what's wrong with Alice and who's at the door... my money's on.... LARRY! umm.. yeah so I'm gonna go hide over here with my Mc Nuggets... enjoy!

and special thanks as always to our beta ladies we love you ^.^

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**Chapter 8: N'importe quoi pour toi.**

_At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need. - Grey's Anatomy. _

I'm a bad man, I warned her. I felt like kicking my own ass and throwing myself out a damn window.

_You warned her, _that voice in my head said. _Yeah, but where else was she supposed to go? _I retorted. I saw the look on her face when I called her kid... I didn't mean that shit. God why can't I get that bitch out of my head? Why does she make me feel so guilty? _Fuck! _

I picked up the comforter so I could smell it, smell her. That's when I saw it. Blood. Fucking Christ. I growled in frustration at myself before grabbing the white comforter, the bottle of bleach, and some stain removers and left the apartment, locking the door, to go to the laundry mat on the corner.

I knew I hurt her, I heard her cry out. I continuously beat myself up about it as I waited for the washer and dryer to do their business. I continued as I pulled out the comforter, happy the blood had been washed out. Granted, there wasn't a ton on it, just a few specks, but enough to remind me I had been way too rough with little Alice. But she egged me on, shaking her ass, begging me to fuck her harder, cumming when I bit into her soft flesh. She obviously liked it rough. Yet I still felt guilty. She didn't deserve to be treated like that, she had been nothing but good to me.

When I got back to the apartment, I noticed Alice had fallen asleep on the couch. I picked her up, observing the stains on her cheeks from her tears. The knowledge that I was the one to cause them made me feel even more like a piece of shit. I carried her to bed and laid with her, listening to her little pants of air and murmurs in her sleep.

During the night I decided I couldn't subject her to me anymore. I told her I was hardly home and now I was going to prove it. I woke up early so I could visit Carlisle for my vitamins and what not before I went to work. I traded my shifts to get twelve hour days, and made plans with Larry to smoke the rest of my shit.

Then she showed up at my work and I realized she wasn't angry with me. I couldn't help but fall just a wee bit more for her. I lied to her about buying the table and chairs, but who knows, I still might be able to. That night I kissed her like I did every night, but it was different because I felt this one everywhere. She kissed me back. I pulled away when she tried to deepen the kiss, because I knew that if she were to wake up with my tongue in her mouth it would be pretty hard to explain.

I kept on avoiding her though, visiting some of the whores to get laid like I usually do when I'm high and hanging out with Larry to smoke pot so coming down wouldn't be so bad. I hated being a dick to Alice that day and I swore to myself she would never have to see me like that again. I noticed she was coughing in her sleep and thought it best to get her some chicken noodle soup since she was probably just catching a cold.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I walked into the apartment and locked the door, fully intending on heading to the kitchen to put the cans of soup on the counter. That was until I heard a very weak _"Jasper" _and the sound of a body hitting the wood floor. I rushed towards the sound to find Alice sprawled out across the floor, her night shirt pulled up around her ribcage and her black hair splayed wildly around her.

"Alice," I said calmly, crouching next to her. Looking at her half naked body I noticed she was covered in a fine layer of sweat and she was much paler than she normally was. Like she hadn't seen the sun in years. "Alice," I murmured again this time bringing my lips to her forehead.

_Fuck she was hot. _

I looked at her again noticing she hadn't stirred at all. I had no idea what to do, so I carefully lifted her and carried her to the bed, then covered her completely with the blanket.

I felt my heart pounding wildly in my chest as I mulled over what to do. I went to the phone that was hanging in the dining room and dialed the one number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" A raspy, sleep filled voice came out.

"Dad?" The sound of my voice was a shock to me. Only then did I notice I had tears rolling down my face. I used my fingers of my other hand to rub the tears away.

"Jasper?" His voice sounded very alert, but he was still speaking quietly. "What's wrong, son?"

"Alice," my voice broke at her name and I couldn't continue.

"What about Alice?" I could hear him sitting up and the rustling sound that told me he was getting dressed.

"I think she's sick." _What was your first clue dumbass? _My mind spat at me. "She's really hot, and not waking up," I mumbled.

"Take her to the E.R. Jasper, I'll meet you there," he told me firmly.

After giving my consent and hanging up with him, I walked into my room determined to dress her a little more appropriately. There was no way in hell, sick or not, I was going to let Edward get a peek at Alice's ass in the white cotton panties I bought her. I bought those so I could see them on her, not some dumb shit who probably wouldn't even understand what was so sexy about them.

I found a pair of black sweatpants and pulled them onto her lithe form, rolling the waistband so they didn't look so massive on her. I wrapped her up in a thermal blanket I had stashed in the closet, and carried her out the door. I didn't lock it this time, everything that was precious was out of the apartment now and if anyone found something to steal, they could have it.

It took me about five minutes to drive to the hospital. I parked and pulled her out, cradling her in my arms as I carried her into the emergency room and over to the check in desk. The nurse immediately regarded me in shock, I'm sure it wasn't everyday she saw a man carry in a young girl who looked almost dead.

"I need Dr. Cullen," I said in a firm voice. She nodded, still looking at Alice. "She's really sick," I added lamely.

"Who-" she started to ask, but I cut her off.

"My name is Jasper Cullen, this is..." I didn't want to give out her real name just in case her parents really had called the cops. "Alice Cullen, my wife."

Yeah, I went there. I knew there was only two ways they could let me know anything about her condition. One was for me to be her parent. Yeah, that was so not possible. The other was for me to be her spouse. I went for spouse. I had no idea how she'd react to that once she woke up, but right at that moment I didn't give a fuck.

She led me back to a private room and instructed me to lay her on the bed so she could perform the basic tests on her. The minute I let go of her, she cried out for me. I looked at the nurse and my face must have been a sight, because she let me join Alice on the bed. I curled up next to her and buried my face in her hair, rubbing her arm to comfort her as she moaned out the tiniest bit.

The nurse left us and about twenty minutes later Edward came in with my father. I looked at them both as Carlisle sat in the chair next to the bed and Edward gave me an eyebrow.

"You shouldn't be in the bed with the patient Jay," Edward said in an almost bored tone. "And since when are you married?" he asked, the amusement clear in his tone.

"She wants me here," I argued with him, deciding against telling him why I called Alice my wife. I really didn't want to get into a fight with him about that.

"Well, I need to take her for an X-ray, so you need to move," I rolled my eyes, but moved off the bed.

"Jasper, don't leave me," she moaned out, her small hand reaching for me as I gave Edward a pointed look.

"I'll have her right back." He rolled his eyes at me as he started to wheel her out of the room. I sat on another chair in the room and laid my chin in my hands.

"She's going to be alright, I'm sure of it." I looked up to see my father figure beaming at me proudly.

_How could he be proud of me? Doesn't he know that I have spent the past four days completely avoiding this girl? Doesn't he know I've been consistently getting high and partying as she got sicker and sicker? This was my fault. I should have had her go see him. _

I felt like crap, and worse, the look he was giving me was eating away at my heart.

About fifteen very long minutes later, Edward rolled Alice back into the room and agreed to let me crawl back into the bed with her. I relished being near her again, I hadn't realized how much my arms missed holding her before.

"She has pneumonia," Edward stated in a curt manner. I gave him a funny look. "Here's a prescription for a Z-pack, an inhaler so she can breathe." He gave me a pointed look with that and made sure to annunciate the so she can breathe part. What, was he afraid I would turn it into a pipe or something? "And some cough medicine. Make sure she drinks lots of fluids and gets plenty of rest." I nodded to him as he handed me the papers.

"Thanks, Ed," I spoke to his retreating form, making him turn and look at me funny.

"Anytime." He nodded before leaving the room.

I carefully cradled Alice in my arms again and walked out to the waiting room to find Esme sitting there looking very tired, but alert.

"How is she?" she asked as she approached me, looking at Alice's pale and sweaty face.

"She has pneumonia," Carlisle answered for me. "I was thinking that you could take her to Jasper's apartment and I could take him to the pharmacy so we can get her prescriptions." I looked at him. _Glad we discussed that, _I thought sarcastically, but I knew it was probably the best way.

On our way to Wal-Mart, I worried about Esme's ability to carry Alice upstairs. I decided it was best not to dwell too much on it, and just focus on getting back to her as soon as I could. Carlisle put the prescriptions in and we decided to wander while they were being filled.

"You have been very quiet this morning Jasper, even quieter than usual. Anything going on?" He probed in his soothing doctor voice he used to use on me when I was having problems as a teen. I started to walk purposefully towards the home section of Wal-Mart. Once there, I looked through the aisles, forcing Carlisle to jog to keep pace with me. When I found the furniture I turned and walked until I reached a few table and chair sets.

"I lied to Alice," I confessed while looking at the prices. The cheapest set, that I actually liked, was almost two hundred dollars. I flicked the tag angrily.

"Well, most addicts lie. It's a part of the hiding and compulsion..." he started, but I cut him off.

"NO! She knows what I am doing. I lied to her because I didn't want her to see me like that again. You have no idea how mean I was to her when I was coming down. And so she came to my work and I couldn't tell her I was avoiding her. So I told her I was working to try and buy her a fucking dining room table and chairs." I bowed my head angry with myself as Carlisle cupped my shoulder.

"It's alright son, we all do stupid things. Did you actually want to get her the table and chairs?" he asked, nodding his head in the direction of the set I was looking at.

I shrugged and shoved my hands in my pockets. "I thought it would be nice for her. I really don't have the money for that though." I sighed, kicking the floor tile. Carlisle smiled sympathetically at me before wrapping an arm around my shoulders and guiding me back towards the pharmacy.

"Well, it's the thought that counts."

Thirty minutes after leaving Alice in Esme's care, we were walking into my apartment. I immediately rushed into my bedroom where Alice lay under the thick comforter. Esme was holding what was probably a cool rag to her head. I grinned at her like a fool and held up the bag, not because I was happy, but because we were finally back. I put the bag on the edge of the bed, walked quickly to the kitchen, and poured a glass of orange juice. I was figuring Alice could use the extra vitamin C.

I walked back into the room to see Carlisle and Esme trying to wake Alice, but she was being stubborn and pulling the blanket over her head. I handed the glass to Carlisle to hold and gently knelt on the bed, tugging at the top of the blanket. "Alice?" I cooed at her, running my fingers along her cheekbone, I watched as the corners of her lips twitched upwards.

"Jazzy?" She opened her blue eyes a little and gave me a weak smile.

"Hey," I whispered, smiling at her as I reached inside the bag and pulled out the antibiotics. I opened the ones that said day one on them. "You're really sick, you gotta take this okay?" I opened my hand to show her as she nodded, not breaking eye contact with me. I handed her the meds first, then Carlisle handed me the juice so I could, in turn, hand it to her as I kissed her forehead.

She sat up a bit, leaning against my headboard as she placed the meds in her mouth and chased them with the juice. She looked at the glass when she was finished and started to laugh then started coughing at the same, making me worry. "Trying to kill me with orange juice, huh?"

_Had I given her too much? _I wondered as I looked at her oddly. "What?"

"Never mind," she said, smirking at me.

_What the hell? Orange juice- oh. Oh. What a naughty girl._ I bit my lower lip to keep from laughing and shook my head at her before kissing her neck.

"You're a brat, you know that? I'm just gonna walk my folks out and then I'll be right back, okay?" I told her, motioning with my head for Carlisle and Esme to leave.

"Promise?"

_I've broken every other one._

"On my life." And I meant it, my response made her smile.

"Well, we don't have to go that far, but I'll be here," she stated, satisfied as she lay herself back down. I nodded to her and left the room, thanking my parents as they left my apartment. I ran quickly into the dining room so I could call into work. There was no way in hell I was going to leave Alice alone today.

After I was finished feigning my illness, I walked back into the room where Alice lay, obviously fighting sleep. I pulled my shoes and socks off, then unbuttoned and slid my pants down before climbing into bed with her, cupping her face with my hand.

"Darlin' you should get some rest," I murmured, touching my nose to hers gently, making her smile.

"And you should be at work, shouldn't you?"

I gave her a shy half smile. "I called in."

"Why? Ohmygod! I didn't get you sick did I?" She freaked out, sitting up at warp speed taking me off guard. I thought she'd be happy I took the day off for her.

"No, Darlin', calm down. I didn't want to leave you alone today. If you want me to, I will, I mean I'm sure there's somewhere else I could be." I reassured her as I sat up as well, moving a bit so she could have some personal space.

"NO!" she yelled at me, startling me a bit. "I mean, no... Please stay," she finished, putting her hand on my knee gently. She did want me.

"Okay." I said, simply running my index finger along her cheekbone before continuing. "You're a very naughty girl, you know that?" I asked, making her laugh.

"I warned you I'd be scared," she said, coughing while trying to pout for me. I smiled a little at that.

"Well, I never expected you to bring that up in front of my parents, and while sick...." I admitted.

"Consider it a rarity I was actually on my game." She shrugged, feigning innocence.

"Okay," I said, dropping the subject and smiling at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I hurt," she whined a little, her bottom lip in full pout mode.

I suddenly had a desperate urge to make her not hurt any longer. "I wish you didn't…"

_Maybe Edward gave her something for pain, _I thought as I grabbed the bag and looked through it. "Um let's see, we got an inhaler." I held up the box and shook it a little side to side. "To help you breathe and..." I pulled out a brown bottle with a red lid and a syringe with dose markings on the side. "This... I think it's cough medicine."

She reached out and grabbed the cough medicine, reading the label. "Ooo... codeine... That's a pain med, right?" she asked, looking up at me through her lashes.

I nodded at her a little reaching for the bottle. "Want me to fix it up for you?"

She nodded, handing the bottle back to me. "Two birds, one stone that one there." She pointed to the bottle. I laughed at her as I inserted the syringe and pulled back on the plunger, watching as it filled with a clear green liquid.

"Okay..." I thought about what I was about to say and laughed a little at how dirty it was going to sound. _Me and my perverted mind._ "Open wide and when I squirt in your mouth, swallow."

"Now who's being naughty?" she said cheekily and opened her mouth like she would if I were a doctor checking the back of her throat.

I smirked at how sexy she made it look and put the syringe in her mouth, "Not quite that wide, Alice." That made her giggle.

"Sorry, you've got me conditioned," she said, closing her mouth around the syringe in a way that made me think of her lips around another object.

I cleared my throat a little to try and take my mind off of that, and pushed on the plunger, watching her throat bob a little as she swallowed. I pulled it out and she let go with a pop. _Fuck. _I turned away and carefully set everything on the nightstand, desperately trying not to think about her perfect little mouth around my dick. "I've never taken care of someone who's sick before, but aren't they supposed to be... less horny?" I asked her, curious if she was purposely trying to make me horny.

She shrugged, smiling shyly. "I can't seem to help it around you," she admitted, looking at me through her lashes again.

I know how to shut her up. "Keep talking like that and I might have to kiss you," I threatened.

_And of course it worked. _She huffed and lay back down like a moody child. "And how would that help this situation? I can't even walk without feeling like I'm gonna pass out. If we're both sick then who's gonna get me orange juice later?"

I laughed at her, wondering if kissing was so bad, then why in the world she was trying to seduce me? "Well, I am sure fucking would be bad as well."

She didn't say anything for a moment, she merely pulled the comforter up to her neck and turned to her side. "Yeah, but just think how great it's gonna be when I can breathe again," she stated while grinning at me.

I pushed the comforter in around her, tucking her in before agreeing. "Yeah. Go to sleep and when you wake up I got you the good kind of chicken soup... the Campbell's chunky. You want me to make it for you?"

She nodded before looking away from me, her face showing a hint of sadness. "Are you gonna leave again when I fall asleep?"

"No. I swear. I'm here."

"Kay, I mean I understand if you do wanna leave, there's probably nothing fun about watching a sick…" She yawned just then and I watched as her cheeks flushed pink, "And sleeping me." _There is nothing boring about watching a sick and sleeping you. _I thought, kissing her forehead.

"I'm not leaving the apartment," I assured her again, making her smile at me.

"Kay... Thank you Jasper."

"N'importe quoi pour toi," I spoke in French. _Fuck I am so in deep with this girl. _I watched her smile as she drifted off to sleep.

I drifted off as well, after burying my face in her sweet smelling hair. A few hours later someone knocking on the door brought me out of the sweet dreams I was having.

_Who the fuck is that? _I got out of bed and went to my closet, pulling on some grey sweatpants as someone knocked on the door again. _Shit, are they trying to fucking wake up Alice? _I thought angrily, stealthily running to the door and throwing it open without looking through the peephole.

"What the-" I started to hiss before realizing who was standing before me.

"Nice to see your manners are about the same, Jay," Emmett joked, holding a few boxes over his head. I moved out of the doorway so he could come in, curious as to why he was here. I hadn't seen him since the last time I was clean. "So, Mom sent me," he chuckled out.

"Oh I was wondering." I smiled at him helping with the last few boxes and following him as he carried them into my dining room.

"I was instructed to help you set this up." He grinned at me, setting the boxes along the far wall. "I hear the tom cat is finally settling down? Yah clean yet brotha-man?" he asked nudging me with his elbow. For some reason that made me blush.

"Nah, I'm not clean. It's just-" I rubbed the back of my neck. He nodded his head and smiled weakly at me.

"I was hoping... then Rosie would let me see yah again," he lamented as I nodded; I knew she was a harpy about my being on drugs. I didn't see the big deal, I would never hurt my nieces, and Em was a big enough guy. He seriously could take care of himself. I watched him as he snuck a peek at my bedroom door, which was left slightly open in my haste.

"Yes, there's a girl here. In my bed. Who lives with me and I regularly bone and I think I really fucking care about her," I admitted to him, not hiding the shit eating grin I had on my face as I said it.

"Fuck, you even got the dimple with that one," he joked, poking my dimple with his finger and making me slap his hand away as he grinned his own dimpled grin. "Can I see her?" he asked, a little more than curious. _Edward must've told him about her_, I nodded and led the way.

"That's her." I nodded towards the sleeping girl in the bed, her dark hair partially covering her face. I watched Em, being the guy he is, walk in and over to her, studying her for a moment before walking back to me.

"Ed's right, she's a pretty little thing ain't she?" I chuckled and nodded, leading him back to the dining room so we could talk. "Jay, I'm gonna pull out my knife to cut the boxes. You cool man? I am gonna be on this far side so you don't have to be near."

I moved up against the wall and closed my eyes. Thankful Em was always cool as fuck about the knife thing. He, like Alice, never thought it was a thing to mock or pity me for, just something to try and work around. "Thanks Em," I murmured as I heard the rip of the tape being cut away from the boxes. After about a minute the noise stopped and Em told me it was okay. I opened my eyes to see neatly stacked piles of wood.

"What is this?" I asked reaching for the instructions.

"Your new dining room table and chairs. Mom picked it out of course," Em said, chuckling.

_Holy shit, my parents really are too good for me sometimes, _I thought, looking at the piles.

A half hour later we had two of the chairs and the table built and we were each working on a chair.

"So you like this chick a lot, I can tell," Em stated, after we had talked about the girls and Rosie for awhile. I nodded while chewing on my upper lip, making him laugh his boisterous laugh. "So why? Why are you so into her? I've seen you with dozens of women, Jay. Probably more than even I know. Why her?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Just... she's perfect and she likes me." He gave me the eyebrow and a half smile. His 'what the fuck you talking about' face. I shook my head. "I dunno man, with most girls it always seems like they want something from me you know?" He nodded, getting what I meant. "With her, it seems like she just wants... me."

"And what do you want from her?" he asked innocently.

"What?" I looked at him lifting my chair as he lifted his. We were done.

"What do you want from her?" he asked me again, lifting an eyebrow as he regarded me and sat in the chair to test his handy-work. I sat across from him and rubbed my face with my hands. I hadn't really thought about it, I just kept acting on instinct. I knew I was falling for her, and after how I treated her while I was high, I knew I didn't deserve her. Now, what I _wanted_ from her was a completely different story.

I looked at him chewing my lower lip and shrugged, shaking my head. In truth I had no fucking clue. He nodded a little at me, looking contemplative. "The minute I saw Rosie, I knew she was my dream come true. But I could never have her, she was off limits." He smirked at me before tilting his head to one side and then the other. "So I thought. Then one day I realized I was in love with her, and I tried to pull myself away. You remember that right? All the horrible things I said?" I nodded, remembering how he broke Rosalie's seemingly ice cold heart. "Then, I really didn't deserve her. But she still loved me. One day I decided, I want what Carlisle and Esme have, and well. I think we do," he finished, shrugging at the end.

"I'm not gonna even pretend to understand why you just said all that to me," I stated calmly, watching his reaction, he laughed a little and shook his head.

"I'm not asking you to. Just think about what you want. You liking her this much is a very big deal for you." He smiled while clapping my shoulder. "I gotta get going, Rosie isn't gonna know about our little meetin' here." He pointed between us and smiled. "I am happy for you though," he added as I walked him to the door.

I locked the door after him and stood there, mulling over everything he said. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, but eventually my feet started to move me back towards my room. I walked in to find Alice half sitting up and using the inhaler. I smiled at her as I reached up and grabbed the molding of the doorframe, just looking at her. She noticed my movement and looked up at me wide-eyed; like she was surprised I was still here.

"Hey," I drawled out, my voice a bit huskier than I intended because I was staring at her bare shoulder and collarbone poking out of the neck of too big shirt she was wearing.

_Yeah, I am a sick fuck, what can I say, this girl drives me crazy. _

"Hi..." She sounded breathless, like she had just run a marathon, or just had a really good romp. That made me smile as I moved my hands from the doorframe and walked in.

"How are you feeling?"

"Stiff, confused…" _I could help loosen you up, _I thought, and as if she could hear my inner monologue, she laughed hard, making herself cough. "Not normal."

"So... you hungry?"

_Lord knows I am. Fuck why can't I just turn that shit off?_ I licked my lips watching as her cheeks grew pink and she nodded.

"You think you want out of bed?" I asked her, suddenly wanting to show her the table and chairs. _God you are such a girl, _my mind spat at me.

"Oh God, yes!" _That's what she said. _I chuckled at my own internal joke.

"Okay, I have a surprise for you. You think you can walk, or should I carry you?"

"Well... I have to try... 'cause I um... have to pee," she mumbled while blushing.

_Fuck it, _I thought and went to the bed and lifted her into my arms, she squealed a little in surprise and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I'll drop you off at the door," I stated, marching to the bathroom and setting her down inside the bathroom and shutting the door. I stood waiting on the other side, listening as the water ran and the distinct sound of her brushing her teeth and getting freshened up. A few minutes later the door opened and Alice looked at my still hovering frame a bit in shock. _Fuck, she's gonna think I'm a stalker._

"You didn't have to wait," she told me, not looking mad. I took my chance while she was standing there to swing her up into my arms again and was instantly hit with the mint scent of her toothpaste.

"I'd rather you save your strength." I smiled at her as I walked towards the dining room. "You smell good," I added, hoping to make her feel a little less uncomfortable. Instead she laughed.

"If you say so."

I shrugged a little at her dismissal of my compliment and continued walking to the dining room, wanting to see the full effect I stopped at the doorway, looking at her as her eyes were locked on my face. "Okay, cover your eyes."

She gave me a funny look before responding, "Okay…" and she hid her face in her hands and then in my shoulder. Her playing along made me excited and the fact she would possibly like the set made me even more so as I strode into the room and carefully sat her on a chair. I made sure she wasn't peeking before I stood up.

"You can look now."

She uncovered her eyes and immediately gasped. "Oh Jazzy! You did it!" she exclaimed as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around me, placing a kiss on my cheek. "It's beautiful." I momentarily thought about letting her think that I was able to get this set for her, but instantly felt guilty. I rubbed the back of my neck trying to figure out how to break it to her that I didn't do this.

"Uh… not me… my um… Esme," I stammered out, wishing it could have come out a little more smooth and suave. She smiled warmly at me before shrugging and sitting back down.

"Still it's very nice… I can make…" she trailed off, blushing fire and shaking her head. I decided against asking what she was about to say, figuring I had made her uncomfortable enough for one day. I squat down beside her and ran my fingertips along her cheek before cupping it to hold her still as I gave her the faintest ghost of a kiss on the corner of her mouth. I swear the electricity that sparked from this simple act went straight to my dick. I think it must have affected her as well, because she leaned to the side with me supporting her, the thought made me feel slightly smug.

"I'm gonna get your soup… want me to turn the heat on or somethin'?" It wasn't cold I was just worried she might feel cold due to her fever.

"Uh… no I'm kinda hot."

"I always think you're hot." _That was lame, _I scoffed at myself, making me chuckle. "Want me to turn on the air or somethin'?"

She blushed a little at my comment and shook her head. "No, I'm fine thank you." I nodded a bit at her and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a bowl and pouring one of the cans of soup into it. I read the instructions carefully and put it in the microwave for two minutes. After the microwave beeped and I fished a spoon out of the drawer, I walked back into the dining room and sat them in front of her, not entirely sure what to say, and suddenly feeling lame because it wasn't homemade.

"I've never had that kind... I'm actually kind of surprised Esme ain't here," I admitted, knowing from previous experience that Esme only approved of homemade chicken noodle, and hers was the best.

Alice smiled warmly at me. "I think she trusts you. Will you join me?" Only then did I realize I was standing there, staring at her. I felt like a douche as I sat down, the heat creeping up my face.

"Sorry, I'm not used to-" I stopped short of telling her I wasn't used to taking care of someone, eating with another person, or really living with another person. It had been a long time… since I had left for college, really. I shrugged, not wanting her to think I was pathetic. "You like the table and chairs?" I asked, more to change the subject than anything else.

She nodded slowly, looking lost in thought while she stirred her soup. "Umm... I think I owe you an explanation."

"An explanation for what?"

She took a deep breath and placed her hands in her lap, leaving her soup still untouched. "About us kissing."

I had been dreading this conversation, but also hoping maybe if she knew everything, she'd finally let me kiss her. "You can't get high from contact while I'm using or anything… It won't end up in your bloodstream I mean… and I brush…" I watched her head snap up to look at me and she cut me off when I was sure I was at the point of rambling.

"No… no… no…" She giggled at my self-conscious rambling. "No, I'm not worried about that. I just… well you know how knives scare you?" I cleared my throat wondering why knives were coming up so many times in one day, and nodded as she gave me a sympathetic smile. "Sorry… Well… Okay, it's not that I don't want to kiss you, 'cause my God do I want to kiss you…" I felt my heart literally skip a beat when she said that, she wants to kiss me. I could hardly contain my joy. "It's just when I think about kissing you, I'm scared."

"So maybe I need to take you by surprise? So you don't think about it?" I asked her, hoping maybe I'd finally get my chance. I'd fucking kiss her the minute we got back to bed.

She shook her head and dashed my hopes. "I wish it were that easy… see there was this boy… well… guy, I guess. And he's the only one I've ever… and well thanks to him, I now associate kissing with pain. And not the good kind of pain either."

_I fucking knew it. Shit for brains piece of crap better stay away from my girl. Wait, she's not mine though. Aww fuck it. If she's not, she will be soon. _I chewed my lip trying not to screw things up and say out loud what I was thinking.

"And I know you said you would never lay a hand on me in a way I didn't want, and I trust you... I'm just afraid that..."

I looked up to see her wiping tears from her face. _What the fuck? She's crying? What does she have to cry for? _

"Oh God… okay so don't laugh, but I'm afraid my heart couldn't take it if you decided that our arrangement was over…" She looked down and blushed before continuing. "'Cause I really like you..."

_She liked me. _I had to bite my lip to contain my grin as I walked over to her and pulled her into my lap. "I won't hurt you... if it's in my power, I won't ever hurt you. I don't want to hurt you," I assured her, not really sure where she was coming from. So she feels something for the guy who beats the crap out of her, that bothered me a little bit, I don't know if it should but there it was.

She gave me a little smile, the coy one that's so sexy on her. "I know, and I believe that you won't hurt me and don't want to hurt me." She shrugged, blushing a little bit. "It's just something I need to get used to. I've never had a crush on anyone before…"

I laughed cutting her off. "I'm sorry. You have a crush on me?"

"Yeah, isn't obvious?"

I could feel the heat of my blush color my face, I thought we were more than that. I hadn't been able to put a name to what I had been feeling. "Then I've never had a proper crush... I have a bit of a crush on you too then."

"Really?" she asked me, looking at me hopefully and biting her lip in that sexy way of hers.

"Nah... I think it's hit obsession levels," I said, before I really thought about it. But it seemed to make her happy, as she was now laughing.

"Well, I do remember saying that soon I would be the only thing you think about," she said in a cocky voice and smirking at me.

"It worked, until Em brought it up earlier, I didn't even think about drugs," I admitted.

"Em?" Shit, I forgot she hadn't met him yet.

"My oldest brother. He brought the table and chairs over and helped me put them together. He asked if I was clean, so the Misses would let him see me…" I shrugged. "Rosie's a cold bitch."

"Aww, you should have told me you had company... I could have cleaned up the apartment or something."

I felt my eyebrow quirk up with that, had she forgotten she's sick? "He has three kids he knows mess, I think he'll live. Besides you're sick, and really I should be tucking you back into bed." I started to stand holding her in my arms.

"But my soup!" she protested, thrashing her arms and legs wildly. I turned and sat her back in front of her bowl.

"Eat then, doll face," I told her, sitting back in my own chair and watching her as she wrinkled her nose as me.

"I am not a doll," she stated firmly, while taking a spoonful of her soup.

"Have I told you you're beautiful?" I asked her as she took another spoonful, making her blush some more. After about ten minutes, it seemed the soup was pretty much gone.

"You ready to go back to bed?" I asked her, looking at her satisfied expression as she nodded, I quickly picked her up. "Come on love...erly." _Fuck, what did I almost call her?_

"Thank you for staying and taking care of me," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me an adoring look.

"Anytime," I admitted to her, grinning like the love-sick fool I was sure I was acting like. "I kinda like this."

"Like what? Taking care of sick me?"

I suddenly felt very shy as I smiled at her. "Taking care of you…" _In general. _I added to myself.

"I like it too... never had it before." She giggled as she buried her face in my neck. I laughed a little as I spun us and threw us both gently backwards, cradling her in my arms as we fell onto bed. _I think I could take care of you forever, _I thought as she giggled again.

"That's a pretty big statement there... let's just take it a day at a time okay?"

_Fuck, did I say that out loud. _I felt my face instantly grow hot as I rolled her to her side and started to kiss and suck on her neck, trying desperately to hide how embarrassed I was at this moment.

She moaned a little before speaking. "Hey Jazzy... Did your dad say how long I was gonna be sick for?"

I pulled away and looked at her. "You take the antibiotics for 5 days, you may still have a cough afterwards, but you should be feels tons better in a few days," I told her, remembering what Carlisle had told me about the antibiotics as she smiled at me.

"Good, 'cause I have plans for us when I'm back to normal," she said, giggling and hiding her face behind her hands. I pulled down her hand revealing her blush and making me smirk at her.

"That giggle says you are up to no good. What are you planning'?"

"Umm... a surprise," she said, before giving me a devilish grin.

"Tell me," I growled out jokingly, pinching her ass and making her laugh.

"No, can't I surprise you? I promise you'll really, really like it."

_I bet I will, _I thought as I scowled a little at her playfully. "I'll trust you." I said, making her grin.

"That's all I ask. So is it too soon for more cough medicine?"

I smiled at her and shook my head. "Nope," I said, reaching onto the nightstand and pulling some of the green liquid into the syringe for her. "You wanna do it, or do you want me to have the honors?" I asked smirking at her.

"You can do it." She smirked back at me.

"Tease." _Now I know she is doing this shit on purpose. _As I put the syringe in her mouth her eyes locked with mine and she sucked in her cheeks a little as I pushed the liquid into her mouth. _Fuck, who knew dispensing medication could be such a fucking turn on? Not me. _As I pulled the syringe out of her mouth, her tongue darted out of her mouth to moisten her lips and I swear on everything, that shit made my dick twitch.

"You love it." She shoved me roughly, making me land on the pillow behind me and she laid her head on my chest.

"No, I hate it, my dick loves it. He's a fucking traitor," I lamented, making her laugh.

"Well thank you for being honest, it's good to know someone's on Team Alice."

_I'm on team Alice! _I protested in my head. "Oh no, I love… the things you do too, just I hate when you tease me... it's impossible to get rid of my kickstand." I pouted at her as she turned her head and looked at me.

"I promise when I feel better I will make up for everything you claim I tease you about," she stated, kissing my jaw before resting her head down again, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her.

"Whatever you say. In the meantime, I hope you don't mind if I beat off while I look at you?" I was only kind of asking for permission, I think half of me wanted her to realize what a freak I was and run away screaming. She never did, instead she giggled and reached her hand across my abdominal muscles, mere inches from the tip of my dick.

"If you need a hand, just let me know," she joked before passing out on me.

_Fuck couldn't she at least put her hand on it then I could just rub against it. Yeah, I know, I am a sick motherfucker_.

I wasn't kidding about my hard-on though, and I currently had a massive one. _This girl was going to be the death of me, _I thought as I moved her a little, her shirt pushing up in the process. I licked my lips staring at her exposed flesh, wondering what the fuck to do. On one hand, she was sick and after teasing the crap out of me, she had passed out into a drug induced stupor. On the other hand was my painfully hard cock, currently straining against the waistband of my boxers wanting to be set free like the little monster it was.

She moved a little again as I sat up, and her shirt shifted higher, exposing just the underside of her right tit to me and that sight snapped something in me. I had to do it, I could no longer be held responsible for my actions, one hand freed the monster and the other gently touched her soft skin, rubbing back and forth just along her rib cage, my fingertips brushing against her exposed breast.

I held my breath as my hand pushed her shirt higher, my palm running along her breast and brushing against the nipple, causing an immediate response. I started to stroke myself as I fondled her, watching as she sighed and rubbed her thighs together in her sleep. I leaned down and took the hardened nub in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it and gently nipping it, imagining I was fucking her perfect, tight box.

I leaned over her face and pressed my lips to hers, enjoying the tingling and the hazy clouds it caused as she licked my bottom lip, making my heart stammer out of control. At this point I didn't give a fuck, I wanted it. I opened my mouth and let her tongue massage mine. I stayed that way, kissing her, kneading her breast and beating off until I could feel myself getting close to the edge. With any other girl, I would've just cum on them and laughed when they got grossed out, but this was Alice. I broke our connection and rolled away, pulling off my shirt as I went and cleaned myself up with it before tossing it in the laundry and getting a fresh one.

When I lay back down, I noticed Alice was scowling a little. I wondered why as I pulled her towards me and cuddled with her, sleep finding me quickly as I hummed in her ear.

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**A/N: He's humming you are my sunshine... just so everybody knows. **

**Let us know what you think and review please! We're loving it! McDonalds style!**


	10. Why Not Me?

**Disclaimer: **We don't own Twilight or the characters, but right fricken now ahealthydistrust owns K's soul.

**K****: **Sorry we're an hour late in posting. RL can suck big harry… well fill it in your all smart! So guess what Demons and Sinners made it to the final round out that Indie TwiFic awards. We are up for Best Collaboration WIP and Best non ExB Story WIP. Voting starts July 22nd thru the 26th so go to http : / / www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com / default(dot)aspx to vote! Remeber to take out the spaces and what not... links are also on the proflie ;)

**Robs**- ***faints******* whew today has been insane...well this week really. Thank you's to our ladies and our peen we love you hard! If you guys get bored between chapters y'all should check out one of our beta's Amber has a new Jalice fic that is pretty awesome check it out! http : / / www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net / s / 5235084 / 1 / In_a_New_Direction .

Also Special thank yous to our beta ladies ^.^ Don't hang us!

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**Why Not Me?**

_"It's not that I want to be the one holding your hand, it's just that I don't want her to be the one holding it"_

_-Dawson's Creek_

So getting sick wasn't fun. I hated every minute of that damned pneumonia. I hated the way Jasper seemed to blame himself whenever I coughed, or said ow, or even when I had to take a hit from my inhaler. I even hated the way he would call into work to take care of me. Sure, I loved that he was with me, but I knew he needed the money he was missing out on by staying home with me.

The last three weeks had been interesting. At first, I was beginning to wonder just how bad Jasper's addiction to drugs was. It seemed as if he didn't need it. But then suddenly, Edward was at the apartment checking to make sure I was taking my meds and Jasper wasn't to be found. 'He has things to take care of', was the only response I would get from Edward, but I could see the pain in his emerald green eyes. And even though he wouldn't tell me directly, I knew Jasper was off getting high and once again avoiding me.

It was hard for me to pin point when exactly Jasper would need his next fix, but I was getting better at noticing the signs. It also seemed as if the time between fixes was getting longer. But who knows, I've been drugged up on codeine for a while, so it could all be a dream to me.

That was another thing funny about our arrangement. We acted like a couple, at least I think we did, but we weren't a couple. He was constantly harping on me to eat, when he was around; always bringing me fresh pies from work and even an Oreo Mc flurry one time. He even went as far as measuring out my medicine for me. Figure that one out, a drug addict worried about me taking too much of my prescription. As sad as it sounds though, those were the things making me fall for him.

The knock on the bathroom door broke me from my thoughts, "Darlin' you about ready?" Jasper asked through the door. I looked at my refection in the mirror gauging if I was done or not.

"Just a minute babe," I called back to him as I wound my hair into a loose bun. Thankfully this past week, I've been able to do things again without coughing so bad it hurt. In fact, in the last three days I haven't coughed once. Just in time to have dinner with the Cullen's.

I quickly used the curling iron that had mysteriously appeared last week, to curl the wisps of hair that fell around my face. I heard Jasper on the phone. I couldn't hear much of his conversation just that he was making plans for Monday night.

Once I was done with my hair, I made sure to unplug the curling iron. I finished my makeup and quickly slid my shoes on then took one final look at myself in the mirror. I was very satisfied with my white linen skirt with matching white blouse so I left the bathroom to look for Jasper.

I found him in the bedroom tucking his dark green shirt into his dark jeans. I officially loved going to family dinners with Jasper because he always looked so fucking sexy when he got dressed up. He turned and smiled at me.

"Ready?" I nodded and turned to leave the room. "Do you have your inhaler?" He asked following me, I could hear him grab his keys.

"Yep, in my bag," I told him as I picked up my bag. He gave me a funny look, but said nothing as he held the door open for me.

The ride to his parent's house was quiet, and a few blocks from the house he pulled over, telling me we had to switch in case his mom was watching us pull up. _That's right, I'm the one supposed to be driving._

Once we got there, he helped me down from the bronco, my body sliding against his front making me very aware of his erection. I bit my lip as I thought about ways to help him with his 'problem'.

He took my hand, leading me into the house as we entered through the garage. I followed behind him as my heart did flips at the simple gesture of his holding my hand. We were greeted by Esme who looked as beautiful as always in the black slacks and cream colored blouse she was wearing. She gave us both a warm hug, complementing Jasper on his trim but then giving him hell about his hair still falling in his eyes. I asked her if she needed any help with dinner, which earned me a laugh and smile as she said she had it under control. She suggested Jasper and I go watch some television while we waited instead.

"Um, actually," I said causing Jasper to look at me in question. "I was thinking maybe Jasper would like to help me pick out some books from his collection. I've been thinking of picking up on some reading." I smiled at Jasper. Esme nodded and agreed with me.

"What sort of things do you like to read about?" He asked as he led me up the stairs to his room. Doesn't he know the book thing was a ruse?

"Um... Something with a good story line," I said as we reached the creaking step. I smiled, knowing exactly how that was going to help me.

He opened the door, motioning for me to enter before him. I caught a smirk as I passed him. "Well, let's see..." He said closing the door, then heading to his bookcase. "There's The Outsiders, The Catcher in the Rye, Glory." He chuckled, looking at me. "Harry Potter." He looked back at his books and I used the opportunity to lock the door. "I have all Shakespeare's finest works with notes in the margins so you can understand it. If you want something that is rather eye opening there's Night..." he trailed off when he felt my hand take his.

"Well, what would you recommend?" I asked pulling him towards the bed.

"Um, ever read To Kill a Mockingbird or, Of Mice and Men?" I nodded as I turned us so he was walking backwards towards the bed now. I smiled at him. He was rambling about books and it was fucking cute of him. Apparently he's a closet book worm. "Those are books usually recommended as school reading, but ones I actually enjoyed," he continued.

"I've read them and I quite enjoyed them myself." I told him as the back of his legs hit the side of the bed. "What about romances? Got any of those that you liked?" I asked, pushing him back on to the bed.

He caught himself with his elbows, "Gone with the Wind." He shook his head, "I don't read much romance, hence the reason, I'm not romantic." I pulled my skirt up to straddle him.

"Well I don't believe that Jasper," I said as I started to kiss his neck. "I mean, you did after all nurse me back to a healthy state. That in its self is pretty damn romantic if you ask me."

I felt him tug on the collar of my shirt, kissing the exposed skin of my shoulder, "Isn't romance supposed to be like flowers, diamonds and chocolate, grand gestures of love, sweeping a girl off her feet?" He asked as his hand slid up the back of my shirt, pushing me closer to him. "And you know, aren't I supposed to look like Fabio?" He asked while kissing my neck.

I giggled in his ear as my hands slid to the fly of his jeans. "Fabio's not my type. But lucky for you, you are definitely my type," I informed him as I unbuttoned his jeans.

"Makes me very lucky indeed." I climbed up off him, tugging on his jeans. He lifted his hips so I could pull them down I reached for his boxers. "We gotta be quiet baby," he warned as I pulled his boxers down, freeing my prize.

I smirked at him, "Well, listen for the creak babe and don't worry about me. I don't talk with my mouth full." I got comfortable as I stroked him, watching as he fell back on the bed.

"Fuck me..." he said in what sounded like a pained plea, but no louder than a whisper.

_Oh trust me, you'll get that tonight as well_, I thought as I licked him from base to tip. I sucked on the head a little, much like you do to the top of an ice cream cone.

"Yummy." I giggled, causing him to groan, before sliding him in my mouth.

I bobbed my mouth along his shaft, taking him in as much as I could, as I swirled my tongue around him. Jasper bucked his hips some as he moaned out quietly. I moved faster on him as I rubbed my thighs together to relieve some of the tension building between my legs. That was the one thing about giving Jasper head, it always turned me on.

I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock, stroking him in rhythm with the work my mouth was doing. Occasionally I tightened my hold on him as I took him in deeper, causing him to buck again, as his hand ran through my hair. Not trying to force a pace but as if a loving gesture that egged me on.

After gently dragging my teeth along his shaft I felt him start to twitch, followed by his warning that he was gonna cum. I wanted to giggle at how after all this time he still wanted to warn me, like I was gonna pass up on that.

I hummed around him as I relaxed my throat to take him in farther as he exploded into my mouth. Quickly I swallowed every drop, pulling back from him slowly.

Quickly Jasper reached down and pulled me to him. His eyes were bright as he searched my face, a conflict evident in his eyes. I understood what was wrong when he kissed my chin.

"Fuck that was awesome," he murmured against the flesh of my neck as he licked at my skin, this time making me moan out.

"Well, I did promise to make up for all the teasing didn't I?"

After Jasper redressed and I grabbed a few books off his shelf we headed down the stairs just as Edward was coming up to get us for dinner. He gave us a curious look before shaking his head and heading to the dining room. I tugged on Jasper's hand to make him to stop. He turned to me, raising an eyebrow as I stood on my toes to run my fingers through his hair.

"Sorry, your hair was... yeah." I shrugged while giggling. I didn't want his parents to have evidence of us breaking their rules, and he definitely had sex hair.

"Usually happens when girls attack you on a bed," he said, smirking at me.

I pouted, "Well, if you didn't like part one of your surprises," I sighed trying to sound disappointed. "I guess I can forget the rest of the night," I teased as I headed into the dining room.

He grabbed my hand, spinning me back to him as he held me close. "I didn't say I didn't like it," he said as he looked down at me.

"Well good, cause I was looking forward to later," I said while winking at him.

He moved his head to place wet, hot kisses on my neck, causing me to grab his shirt in my fist. "I want to kiss you so damn bad right now," he confessed in a hushed tone.

"And you will Jasper, I promise, just not now." I pulled away, taking his hand in mine and dragging him towards the dining room.

"Tease," he whined as he followed behind me.

Dinner was once again excellent. Esme had made a delicious roast with red potatoes carrots and cabbage. It was entertaining to see how Esme treated her grown son when he pouted over the cabbage, but she handled it like any good mother, by telling him it wouldn't kill him.

"Do you want to trade? My carrots for your cabbage?" I asked him softly.

"You need carrots for your health," Jasper retorted.

"Yeah and cabbage is good for you too you know."

He poked at the cabbage on his plate, "Tell me what vitamins it has that help me and I will. Carrots help you see."

_No shit Sherlock_, I thought as I looked over to Carlisle to help me. Carlisle gave me a sheepish smile as I caught him sliding his own cabbage into a napkin. _Well now I know were Jasper gets it from_.

I shook my head, "Fine Jasper don't eat your cabbage, more coffee cake for those of us who do eat our dinner," I teased while taking a bite. I saw Esme grin at me as I winked at her. Remembering her mentioning the coffee cake she made for dessert

I saw Jasper's jaw drop from the corner of my eye. "And just who says you're good enough to have said coffee cake," he asked, poking me in the side. I laughed and tried to pull away from him.

"Cause I'm an angel." I grinned as I motioned around my head. "See the halo?"

He raised his eyebrow and leaned into me, whispering quietly in my ear, "Yeah, 'angel of blow jobs' wasn't it?"

I blushed as I turned to look at him. "Only cause I was tempted by the devil himself." I made point of having him see me look up and down his frame as I gave him a half smile.

He returned it with the smile that made my fucking panties wet. The wicked one that made it clear he was gonna fuck me until I forgot my own name when he got the chance. "Feel like dancing with the devil under the light of the moon?" He whispered again.

I leaned closer to him, "Well now, are you the Joker or the Devil? 'Cause I'm confused now."

He looked as if he was thinking it over, "Hmm... I can't claim to be the devil..." He turned his head towards mine. "A devil maybe," he concluded.

I looked up at his eyes and noticed that he was watching me intently. "Well either way, would you be the one I would dance with?"

He nodded his response. Our faces were so close to each other now that his nose brushed against mine. I had to grab on to the fabric of my skirt to keep my hands from grabbing his face and crashing his lips to mine.

I swallowed roughly, my throat suddenly very dry as I nodded, "Then yeah, I would definitely dance with a devil under the light of the moon." He moved his head slightly as I felt his lips at the corner of my mouth. Before he could pull away I moved my head, our lips barely touching when someone loudly cleared their throat causing us to jerk away from each other. I looked down at my lap as I felt my face burn in embarrassment. I can't believe I forgot we were having dinner with his family.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly but there was a shift in the bubble that Jasper and I were in and judging by the way he would look over at me, he felt it too. I don't know how to describe it really, it was like the point where we were just roommates that liked each other was crossed into a whole different level. Honestly I was both excited and scared beyond reason.

Jasper had put his hand in mine and suddenly I had butterflies that made me feel sick. Unable to continue eating, I sat and listened to the Cullen's talk about various topics that affected the family. I could feel Jasper rubbing circles in my hand, obviously feeling my unease, but I just smiled up at him, praying the night would end soon.

Just as Carlisle started recounting a story about taking the boys camping one summer, Jasper leaned over and whispered, "Are you okay?" Was I okay? Something about tonight was making me uneasy, but it wasn't where I was or who I was with. Intuition was what my mom used to called it. The feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you something, but you never know what it is until it hits you.

I smiled and nodded at him. "I'm fine, just full." He kissed my temple and joined in with his father, teasing Edward.

Shortly after we were saying goodnight and leaving to go home. The butterflies returned and I turned the radio on to help ease the electricity that seemed to be swirling around Jasper and I. Normally it didn't bother me, it was like a security blanket for me but now it was stronger than usual.

After getting fed up with the many rock songs about being in love I changed the channel to an R&B/Hip Hop station. The first song on was a classic Eminem song and I couldn't help but rap along. He laughed at me as he smoked his cigarette and drove. I was thankful just to have the tension broken. I should have known better, once the opening beat for 'Peaches and Cream' came on. I didn't know what it was with that song but Jesus it made me hot.

Finally about halfway through the song I got enough nerve to change the station, of course I stole a glance at Jasper as I did so. I bit back a smile as I saw him lick his lip. I could see from where I was that his eyes were bright and excited. _Fuck yeah, I'm getting laid!_ I fist pumped in my head, as I tuned the radio back to the rock station.

And wouldn't you know it, another sex song was on. I was about to snap the radio off but Jasper's hand stopped me.

"It's a good song," he said. _Uh, yeah I know that,_ I thought as I leaned back in the seat. I actually preferred this version of 'Pony' to the original, but I wouldn't tell Jasper that. I watched him coyly as he drove. He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel as he sang along to the song. Jesus Christ, if I wasn't worried about him crashing I would so fuck him right now. For the second time tonight I found myself rubbing my thighs together trying to cause some much needed friction.

My thoughts of being inconspicuous as I watched Jasper were obviously not true as he looked at me and smirked as he sang;

"_You and your body...Every single portion_

_Send chills up and down my spine..._

_And juices flowin' down your thighs_"

We pulled up to the apartment and I bit back the moan his voice was earning as I quickly tried to get out of the bronco.

"Anxious are we?" He teased as he got out. I just looked at him over my shoulder and smiled before running up the stairs to his door. I leaned up against the door, propping one foot against the door and quickly pulled my hair out of its bun as it cascaded in curls around me.

I could hear him whistling as he jogged up the stairs. Fucker knew I was waiting for him.

"Jasper," I called to him. "I don't have my key and I really need you to slide yours in the slot," I said as he reached the landing. I gave him my best innocent face as I twirled my hair around my finger.

He bit his lip as he unlocked the door. Once it was unlocked he pushed the door open and firmly placed his hands on my hips as he pushed me inside. I giggled, adding to the innocent role.

"So you were asking me if I was anxious earlier?" I brought my thumb to my mouth and chewed on the tip as if I was shy. He kicked the door closed with his foot. Reaching behind him to lock it shut.

He licked his bottom lip, "Well, if you're not... I could always..." His hands left me, causing me to pout as he stretched above his head and yawned. "Go to bed."

_No way buddy, you are so fucking me tonight_, I thought.

"Well, it's too bad you're so tired, cause I have a burning need... and I really need some assistance in satisfying it. I mean just the thought of you helping me..." I ran my hand along the front of his jeans, rejoicing in my head when I felt his cock straining against the fabric. "Makes me very, very, happy." I smirked at him.

His hands dropped down from their stretch and he held my hand over his bulge as he smirked at me, "I think I might have what you need." He brought his other hand to cup my face, kissing my neck as I moaned at his kiss. Fuck, he's gonna make me come right out and say it isn't he? _Answer him_, I yelled at myself.

"Well, only you can help me Jasper 'cause it's only your cock I want inside me," I said as confidant as possible but I could still feel the heat rise to my face.

"Tell me how bad you want it," he said against my skin, causing my stomach to clench.

"Very."

He let go of my hand as his hands touched my thighs. His fingers ran along my skin and up my skirt, tracing the edge of my panties on my ass. He squeezed it before running his hands up to my hips. "Your panties are in the way," he whispered before taking my earlobe into his mouth sucking on it and causing me to moan and lean into him. He moved his mouth down my neck, licking and nipping at the skin, making my knees feel weak.

"Do you want the honors?" I managed to breathe out. My eyes locked with his, his green eyes flashed something I couldn't read or didn't recognize as he led me to the couch and I felt my ass hit the arm. His thumbs tucked into the waist band of my panties as he pulled them down to my knees. Without taking my eyes from his I kicked them off, along with my shoes and then I reached for his jeans, pulling him closer to me as my hands made quick work of the fly. I pushed them off his ass, using my feet to push them down his legs. He broke our eye contact, kissing my neck again.

I slid my hands into the front of his boxers, stroking his cock as he moaned into my neck. "Your boxers are in the way," I teased.

"Do you want to do the honors?" he asked huskily against my neck. Bastard, teasing me like that. I let go of him and tugged his boxers down, again using my feet to push them down.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, pushing him back some. "Hold on," I explained when he looked at me quizzically. I crossed my arms over each other grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling up and off. His eye lit up when he figured out I didn't want my shirt on. He grabbed my tit and massaged it through the lacy fabric as he began to suck on my collarbone. I moaned, putting my hands into his hair holding him to me. His other hand slid behind me and undid the clasp of my bra. _That's a hidden talent_, I thought briefly.

Without breaking contact with his mouth, he slid the bra off my shoulders and down my arms. I reached my arms out behind me as I leaned back, supporting myself up on the seat of the couch with my hands. Jasper's hands ran down the sides of my body as he traced every curve my body held. He gripped my hip firmly as his other hand ran its way to my center. I felt him slide his finger into me and watched him smile when he was able to confirm his unspoken question. He gave me a few pumps with his finger making me buck into his hand.

He chuckled, removing his hand from me making me pout. He reached up and ran his finger along my bottom lip, wiping my juices on me. My eyes locked on his as, out of instinct, my tongue ran along my bottom lip. He bit his lip as he watched me as both his hands grabbed my hips and pulled my ass to the edge of the armrest. I could feel him teasing my entrance and I tried to move forward, but he held tight to me, keeping me in place.

"Jasper, please," I begged. He gave me a nod before sliding into me. My head fell back as I moaned. I loved the way he felt in me. I could hear him mumble something before he started moving, sliding in and out of me, gradually increasing his movement.

I brought my feet up onto the arm of the couch as I lifted my hips. He moved faster, hitting me deeper as I called out his name. _Oh shit, I don't think I'm gonna last like this much longer_, I thought as I felt my arms begin to shake.

His arm snaked around my back lifting my weight off my arms as he fucked me faster. His hair flopped into his eyes as he bit his lip, thrusting harder into me. I closed my eyes, moving my hips with his as I let the feeling of him dominating my body take over. I felt my muscles clench around him as my body started to tremble.

"Alice come here," he growled to me, causing me to snap my eyes open. He pulled me up, my chest pressed against his. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, attacking his neck with my lips as I moaned against him. He spun us so that he was now sitting on the arm rest.

I felt Jasper's hands move along my body as I bounced on him. He cupped my ass in his hands, squeezing as his lips worked their way across my shoulders. I ran my hand along his forehead brushing his hair back as he looked up at me.

"Oh fuck," I moaned out just as he thrust harder into me, causing me to fly over the edge. I clung to him as my body rode out my orgasm, panting in his ear. I rolled my hips on him fast desperate to get him there. I don't know what came over me as I sucked on his neck, but I started to run my teeth lightly against his neck causing him to moan.

Using that as motivation, I bit into his neck as I bounced faster. He growled out my name as he grabbed my ass harder slamming into me as he came.

----------------

I woke up to the smell of bacon and the sound of whistling. Jasper seemed to be doing that a lot lately and it was always one particular song but I couldn't place what it was. I threw the blanket off of me and stretched. My arms were sore but nothing I couldn't deal with. One thing for sure, being with Jasper was definitely going to keep me in shape.

As I sat up I noticed a glass of orange juice and some vitamins. I smiled as I picked up the glass, still ice cold, and took the vitamins. I grabbed his button up, put it on and headed out to the kitchen with my juice.

"Morning Jazzy," I said as I slid up on to the counter, close enough to Jasper but not to get burned by popping bacon grease.

He smiled at me, "Mornin'... how would you like your eggs?"

"Scrambled please." He gave me a half smile before returning his attention to the stove.

His left hand reached over and rubbed my thigh, "Did you sleep well?"

I nodded, "I did. Did you?"

He nodded, "I had good dreams." I wanted to ask him what about, but decided against it.

I took a sip of my juice. "That's good. So, are you free today?" I asked peeking at him through the corner of my eye. I knew he had plans tonight but a part of me hoped he would want to spend the day with me if he could.

He nodded and smiled, "I was hoping you were too." _For you always_, I thought and blushed at my own stupidity.

I laughed trying to cover up the girlie grin that stretched across my face. "Gee let me think... um, yep I free." I mentally rolled my eyes. _Way to sound like a love sick fool Alice._ Wait, love?

Jasper leaned over and kissed my shoulder, "Good." I smiled as the butterflies returned with the tingles. The feeling from last night returned.

"So, did you want to do anything special or just hang out here?" I asked before finishing my juice.

He shrugged as he put the egg mixture into the frying pan. "Maybe we could go to the park... there's this little hot dog cart we could get hot dogs and you could draw and I could just hang with you?" I leaned my hands on the edge of the counter to keep myself from flying away. I couldn't believe he actually wanted to spend time with me while I drew. Or basically with me in general.

I nodded, "That sounds nice and I also wanted to go to the open fair market thing that your mom was talking about." I chewed on my lip, unsure if he would want to go. But honestly the market sounded nice. Esme had told me that there were plenty of vendors with hand crafted good as well as fresh produce and flowers. "If that's okay with you," I added.

He nodded, flipping the eggs around. "That sounds great baby." He looked at me and smiled. I felt like my heart was gonna fly out of my chest. _He called me baby!_ And all this time I thought he didn't see me that way. I mean I was always calling him, Jazzy or babe, and he never said anything.

I grinned at him as I jumped down from the counter. I gave him a quick hug around his waist kissing his back, before I got the stuff for our table. As I set the table, I started to think about the feeling of unease from last night and how it appeared again. I couldn't place it but as Jasper came out of the kitchen with breakfast, I realized whatever it was I didn't care because I was with Jasper and I hoped to be for as long as possible.

We went to the open air market first, deciding it made more sense since it was farther than park. I felt like my face was going to break with the amount of smiling I was doing. But it didn't matter cause here I was, in downtown Seattle holding hands and walking around with not only the funniest guy I had ever met but also the sexiest and most fuckable man ever.

We passed one of those photo booths that give you a strip of photos. I started to pull Jasper towards the booth.

"Oh babe! Look instead of five, you get ten photos." I pointed out at the sign.

He grimaced as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Uh… darlin' I'm gonna break the machine."

"Whatever" I rolled my eyes then pouted, "Jazzy... don't you want a photograph to remember our first date?" I felt my eyes go wide as his eyebrow rose. _Shit I did not just say that_. I felt the heat rise to my face as I tried to back pedal, "I mean our um... first outing?" I chewed on my lip waiting for him to say it was over and to take me home.

But it never came, instead he gave me a gentle smile and nodded. He brought our hands to his lips and kissed the back of my hand. "Just don't blame me if it breaks, okay?" he said.

I made a snorting noise, "As if, you're fucking hot," I said, hoping to get the carefree moment back as I pushed him into the booth. "If anything, the camera will want to take you home and have its way with you," I teased as we sat in the booth.

He chuckled reaching for his wallet, "I don't want the camera though." I looked at him and smiled. _Good answer buddy_, I thought smugly.

"Wait! It's only five dollars and I'm making you do it, so I'll pay," I said reaching into my bag for my wallet.

"It's our first date, I'm paying," he said with a smug smile as he put the money in the machine. I didn't even have time to register the fact that he was teasing me because I was grinning like a fool that he even said that. Suddenly the flash went off and I looked over to see Jasper didn't smile.

"Oh come on!" I laughed, as he shook his head, raising his eyebrow in determination not to smile as the next picture was taken.

I spent three more pictures trying to make him smile, finally getting him to crack on picture five by kissing his cheek. Pictures six and seven we were acting like we were mad at each other. Picture eight I gave him bunny ears while he flipped the camera the bird. Picture nine I sat in his lap while he wrapped his arms around me and smiled with his head on my shoulder. The final picture he kissed the corner of my mouth making me grin.

When we were done with the booth we got our pictures and laughed at how silly some of them looked. My eyes kept going to the last two and how happy we looked, wondering if he saw it too.

We were starting to head back to the car when we passed a vendor with handmade quilts based on famous children characters. I looked at some of the pink, frilly princess ones smiling at the vendor and complementing her on her work. I felt my body tense up when I came across the Cinderella quilt. I know it was stupid but I couldn't get past the way I felt when it came to that particular fairy tale.

I felt Jasper place his hand on my hip as he pushed me towards the end of the table. I instantly smiled and relaxed at his touch. There sitting on the edge of the table was a quilt inspired by Alice in Wonderland. Of course he'd find this one. It was beautiful with a purple base and black satin binding. The five character squares were the white rabbit, the mad hatter, the queen of hearts, that caterpillar and the Cheshire cat in the middle. As I stood there looking at the detailed work of the characters I faintly heard Jasper asking how much. I went to get my wallet out of my bag and his hand stopped mine.

"My treat," he said simply.

"Well it will look awesome in the living room." I smiled at him.

When we got to the park, we spread out the new quilt and got comfortable on it. I was just going to sit next to him but he insisted that I sit between his legs. Once I got comfortable there I smiled at how we seemed like a real couple. Which, coming from me, was a hilarious thought, since I had never been in an actual relationship.

I started to feel bad that Jasper was just sitting here in the park with me concentrating on something else so I tried to keep up a conversation with him. But he just laughed and told me he was fine. I wound up shrugging it off and got lost in the drawing I was currently doing of a couple about ten yards from us. Before I knew it Jasper and I were laughing at them as the guy tried to calm the girl down after, I guess, he touched her in a way she didn't want. I shook my head, thankful that as far as sex goes, Jasper and I were on the same page.

We never got the hot dogs we planned on, instead we headed back to the apartment for an early dinner.

I started pulling the chicken, peppers onion, and cheese out and muttered a curse under my breath. Of course Jasper heard me. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him I'd forgotten to precut the peppers and onions for dinner while he was at work. Luckily, they were easy to get into the strips I needed for the fajitas but I felt bad that I was gonna have to use the knife when he was at home. He smiled at me, again his eyes having the unknown emotion in them as he told me it was okay. He kissed my forehead before going to the living room.

_Well that's progress_, I thought as went to grab the knife I needed.

I tried not to laugh at him during dinner as he repeatedly complimented the fajitas. Really they're not that hard to make. I watched him as he ate, taking note of his mannerisms. Even though he seemed to be enjoying himself and our conversation, I could tell by his hands shaking and the way his leg bounced anxiously that he needed his fix.

_At least you were able to make a day out of it before hand_, I thought sadly.

Shortly after dinner he got ready to go wherever it was he was heading to. I tried to stay out of his way, keeping busy in the kitchen with the dishes. He came up behind me as I washed the dishes. One hand on my hip as the other one ran up my shirt, his thumb brushing the underside of my bra as he kissed at my neck.

"I'll be back tonight when you're in bed, so don't wait up," he told me. He kissed my temple. "Remember my rules."

"Seriously Jazzy, I've been here a month. Have I broken any rules yet?" I smiled at him as I tapped his nose, laughing at the soap bubbles left there. He shook his head before swatting me playfully on that ass as he left the kitchen.

"Hey Jasper?" I called out when I heard him unlock the door.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, 'kay?" This became my standard goodbye to him as was his standard answer of, 'always am'.

The routine was back in full swing. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after having a nightmare and he wouldn't be there. Somehow I would find a way to get myself back to sleep and then feel his warmth as the familiar melody was hummed into my ear. Then when I awoke in the morning, he would be gone, not without leaving a note telling me as always, that he had shit to do after work.

A.K.A. I'm fucking high and avoiding you. I wasn't stupid. I knew he was avoiding me. And I wasn't sure what hurt more, that he felt he had to hide from me at his worst, or that he didn't trust me enough to let me take care of him when he came down.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by in a blur. Thursday morning I awoke to Edward in the apartment. Thank God I had enough sense to make sure I had pants on this time.

I walked into the kitchen where he was putting the groceries away.

"Good morning, Edward," I said politely.

"Morning Alice. Good to see you healthy again."

"Thanks. You know, you don't have to put the food away." I shrugged as I grabbed a Pepsi from the fridge. "I can do it."

He shrugged. "It's okay. I've been doing it for so long now it's just easier for me to do it then to try to break my routine." Yeah, I know all about that. Wonder if he's like his brother and loathes change as well. He turned to smile at me. "Thanks though."

"Oh, okay then." I leaned against the counter and ran my finger tip along the rim of the soda can. "Listen, I never said sorry for snapping at you that one night and well, I'm sorry." _Even though you deserved it,_ I thought.

He chuckled shaking his head. "I deserved it. I should apologize too."

_You think? _

He turned to lean against the counter as he rubbed his hands over his face. "You seem like a nice girl...Can I ask why Jasper?"

I bit my lip. "Well..." _'Cause I think I love him? _I could feel the heat rising to my face just at the thought. Could that be what I was feeling? Love? "I wouldn't know how to tell you if I could."

He loosened his tie some before folding his arms over his chest. "Try me."

I laughed, "Alright don't say I didn't warn you." Which would sound less crazy? That I was very possibly in love with his brother or that I've been drawing Jasper since my last birthday? "Being in the medical profession, surely you know about the thing shrinks call 'ghost writing'?" Apparently I'm going with that one.

He chuckled while nodding, "Yeah."

I felt my eyebrow rise at him when he started laughing. Does he already think I'm crazy? "Well, hold on," I said. Placing my unopened soda on the counter, I went to get my bag. I had left it on the dining room table when I was drawing during dinner last night. I headed back to the kitchen with my sketchbook.

"Okay well apparently I do that. But it's been dubbed as 'ghost drawing'. Honestly when I first met Jasper I didn't make the connection," I explained while thumbing through the pages for the picture I showed Jasper. "So at first, yeah I was attracted to him, but then things became clearer." I flipped the book around and handed it to him.

"Now I believe there's a reason why he and I are together, like it was predetermined ya know?"

He studied the drawing for a minute, looking from it to me and back while nodding. "Is that the only reason?" What the hell was it so hard for Edward to believe that I was not only attracted to his brother, but I felt that we had some sort of predestined shit between us?

"What do you mean?"

"Your feelings that it's predetermined, is that the only reason you're with him?" He clarified as he handed me the book back.

"Well, no I mean, I really like him Edward." I shook my head as I closed the book and set in on the counter. "It's hard to describe because I've only known him, like a little over a month, but there's this draw to him. Like when I'm with him everything in the world around me could come crashing down and as long as he isn't hurt, I could care less." _Because as long as I'm with him, I'm safe_, I thought as I looked down at my shoes.

"Which is stupid cause he doesn't feel the same," I shrugged at the thought.

Edward gently kicked my foot with his, making me look up at him. He had that crooked smile on his face as he asked, "What makes you think he doesn't feel the same?"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, why would he. I'm just some kid he offered to help off the streets. Sure," I said while shrugging, "he humors me and does the 'couple' thing." I shook my head as I thought about the picture booth. "There are other reasons but I don't need to burden you with them."

"Alright Alice, listen to me okay?" I nodded.

"First, Jasper, when he humors someone, it isn't in the way you think." I felt my eyebrows furrow at that. What the hell did that mean? "Second, he's changed since you've been around. His entire face lights up around you," he said making me blush. "And he kind of gets lost with you. Third, he has never cared about someone outside of the family. Ever." He gave me a pointed look as I shook my head at him.

"That's not true. Even your dad told me he cared for Maria at some point." Shit, I didn't want to say her name. It was like Beattlejuice. Say the bitches name and she just might pop up from her coffin.

It was Edward's turn to shakes his head at me. "Not in the way that he would take her off the streets, make sure she's fed and care about her health." He shrugged. "He's usually in self defense mode, but something about you." He pointed at me to make his point. "Got to him." To say I was surprised that Edward was defending Jasper was an understatement. If anything, he made the impression that he thought lowly of his brother.

"I just don't get it," I said as I pulled myself up onto the counter. "If I affect him as much as you and Carlisle seem to think, why is he pulling away? I mean, I'm not stupid Edward, I know he's spun out his mind when he leaves me the fucking notes."

I watched as Edward chewed on his lip, thinking over what he was going to say. "He's not stupid either. He can tell if he hurts someone."

_Right, then he would know that his disappearing is eating me alive,_ I thought bitterly.

"He gauges human emotion surprisingly well." Edward looked down as he placed his hands on either side of him on the edge of the counter. "As stupid as it sounds, he's trying to protect you. From him... he pushes himself for as long as he can to go without," he explained, bringing his eye back up to mine. "Then gorges himself on his fix."

I put my elbows on my thighs as I put my head in my hands, "I don't know what's worse. That he has to hide this part of himself or the fact that he's still fucking Maria and me."

I could hear Edward clear his throat and move around. "Umm... I wouldn't put it exactly like that." My head snapped up to look at him. He was clearly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation went.

I gave him a sad smile. "Sorry... Like I said, you didn't need to burden yourself. I have no room to talk since," I shrugged, "it's not like we're dating or anything." I slid myself off the counter, suddenly feeling like I needed to get as far away from Edward as possible. "So now that I officially made an ass of myself," I said while blushing and grabbing my sketch book. "I uh... have something to take care of..." I trailed off, knowing full and well that I was lying.

Edward grabbed my arm, spinning me to look at him. "Can you just trust me when I say that everything isn't as it appears? He's not fucking Maria, she's fucking him... does that make sense? And he's not fucking you... I think...I think he's... trying with you."

_No Edward, we're fucking_, I thought as I pulled my arm from his grasp.

"Considering your assumptions when we first met, I do trust you." I shook my head at the irony of that. "But again, it's not like I could ever say anything to him cause he's not mine to begin with. Thank you though, for talking with me." Again I gave him a sad smile.

He sighed, "You can be honest with him Alice." His eyes gave me a pleading look.

I just nodded and went to get my bag, "Remember to lock up when you leave?" I called out to him, laughing some as I said. _Jesus Jasper_. "Sorry, I don't know if he'll be home before me or not and I don't want him to be mad." I explained to Edward, even though I was sure he already knew the rules.

I could hear Edward laughing from the kitchen, "That's a new rule, but sure." His words made me turn around and face the kitchen. _New?_

"Wait what?" I asked.

Edward came out of the kitchen, "Does he tell you to keep the door locked?"

I nodded, "Keep it locked, no one inside except you and no calling the cops." I listed off for him.

He smirked, "I've heard the 'no one inside except for you' and the 'no cops' one, he doesn't really have anything... the 'keep the apartment locked' one is new." His eyebrows furrowed as he chewed his lip. "Either he's getting more paranoid or he suddenly thinks there's something, or someone, here worth protecting."

_Someone?_

_Me?_

I laughed, trying to ease the tension building in the pit of my stomach and to keep my heart from jumping out of my chest. Holy hell, what if he's right? What if I'm the thing he's trying to protect or sees as valuable? "Well, I know where he keeps his weed." I shrugged and smiled at Edward, "Maybe he's protecting that?" I joked.

Edward just rolled his eyes in response making me laugh again. "Well, see you Sunday?"

"Yup," he called out as he headed back into the kitchen.

---------------

I sighed as I turned the page of the book I was reading. Sometimes I really think Scarlett O'Hara was a dumb girl. I could hear the door unlock signaling Jasper's return. I glanced at the clock. It was just after ten o'clock. He's been off work almost three hours now. This I found out from Larry.

Yep, I pulled the concerned girlfriend card on Larry. I called Jasper at work, made up some excuse to see when he got off work. Luckily Larry answered the phone because he gave me the information I wanted. Not only was Jasper off at seven but he was going to hang out with him for a bit while they waited for Larry's wife to get off work.

I glanced up over the book just as Jasper entered the room. He didn't smile at me, not that I was expecting it. He was probably upset that I called his work, but damn it I missed him.

_Way to sound obsessed Mary Alice,_ I scolded myself.

If anything, Jasper looked annoyed, yet worried. I wondered if Edward called him and warned him that I had talked to him about Maria. Either way it didn't matter. I wanted Jasper to know the truth. That I want a definition as to what we are and why he leaves. I don't care that he uses the drugs. I was certain he knew that by now. But what I did care about was why was he going to Maria? Clearly she was no good for him.

Finally he gave me a tight lipped smile as he reached the dresser and began to remove items from his pocket. I pretended to be absorbed in Scarlett's narcissistic ways as I mentally listed off what he removed from his pockets.

When I saw the foil wrappers laying next to his keys and supply for his next fix, I felt a surge of jealousy wash through me.

"I gotta shower," he said suddenly, making my head snap in his direction. He stood in the doorway with a change of clothes, watching me. His eyes narrowed slightly as anger flashed over his features but was washed away and replaced with worry. Quickly he headed to the bathroom.

Against my own will, my body went to the dresser. I inspected the foil wrappers. Condoms.

_Well at least he wraps his shit up_, I thought momentarily.

I could feel the warmth of tears hang on my eyelashes as I stared at the one wrapper that confirmed everything for me.

He didn't need me like I needed him. He had other outlets and he was with her tonight.

I climbed back on the bed, quickly wiping my eyes and waited for Jasper to return.

Shortly he came in, climbing his way up the bed towards me. His eyes half lidded as he smirked at me. I bit my lip, wondering what my next move was going to be. I had to let him know how I felt, right? I mean, he had a right to know that I felt we were more than roommates with benefits right?

As he got closer, I felt my stomach drop. His smirk got more pronounced as the dimple of his left side showed. I wanted to cry at that moment. He was so devastatingly beautiful that I was afraid by being honest with him was going to ruin everything. Could I really go on without his touch? Without his lips on my body? And most importantly, without him?

_"You can be honest with him, Alice."_ Edward's previous statement rang through my ears.

"Hey pretty lady need a sleeping pill? I can help." His voice was thick with his accent and the lust that emanated from him.

I shook my head and looked directly ahead of me, avoiding his gaze, "We need to talk."

I saw his face fall out of the corner of my eye as he collapsed onto the bed next to me. "Okay."

"I don't really know where to start so I'm just gonna say the one thing that's eating at me the most, okay?" I asked looking at him. He nodded as he swallowed.

I took a deep breath to prepare myself. _Now or never Alice_, I reminded myself. "Are you fucking Maria?

His eyes got wide and he sat up straighter. _Yeah, thanks for confirming that._

"Sometimes."

I closed my eyes, laying my head back against the headboard. "Have you been fucking her since you met me?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Oh God," I whispered as I got up off the bed, turning to face him. "So is that where you go? When you disappear cause you got shit to do?"

He finally moved to the foot of the bed, where I was now pacing. "Not all the time... actually, not very often anymore." I looked at him to see him looking my face.

"Where do you go Jasper? Why do you feel like you need to leave? This is your home not mine! If you don't want me here when you're spun out, just tell me to leave and I'll go for however long you need to be alone." _But please stop_, I begged in my head.

"I don't want you to leave," he said softly. "I go here and there, mostly hang with Larry. I can't do things to you, hurt you like I did that time okay?" I could see the hurt in his eyes as he tried to explain it to me. "I just couldn't live with myself if I hurt you like that again."

I walked over to the dresser and snatched up the open condom wrapper. "So answer me this Jasper, is it better for me to think that you want to be with me? Or is it better that I freak out thinking you're in a ditch somewhere or even worse fucking Maria?" I spat at him as I threw the condom wrapper at him. "Do you think making me feel like I'm not what you need or what you want, doesn't hurt? That you chose to fuck _her _over me, doesn't break me? Because guess what, it fucking does!"

He rubbed his face roughly. _Yeah I'm not stupid Jasper I know you're fucking around_, I yelled in my head.

"And what if I'm not fucking Maria? I always tell you I'm gonna be fine. Fuck Alice! Larry's wife deals with what we do, why can't you?"

"Just because you say you're gonna be fine does not make it so." What if he was to get some bad shit? Didn't he know that could fucking kill him, kill me?

_Wait, if he's not fucking Maria_...

I felt my eyes widen as I understood the implication of his question. "So there are more girls?" I asked even though I was afraid to know the answer.

"They don't mean anything though..." He sounded like he was pleading with me.

"It doesn't matter Jasper! I worry about you okay. I kinda have to when I wind up drawing some of the most fucked up shit I've ever seen!" I started pacing again, needing to keep myself occupied so I didn't A - slap the shit out of him, B - throw something or C - look at him and lose my courage.

"Why them? Why do you have to go to them?" What am I doing wrong that he feels like he has to go elsewhere? I thought he was happy with me. I stopped to look at him. "Am I not good enough?" I asked softly, feeling the tears pricking my eyes.

He rubbed a hand over his face again, before raking in through his hair. "You're always good enough. Jesus Christ, doesn't it matter at all that I am trying so hard not to fucking hurt you again?! I washed blood out of my fucking comforter from the last time. Blood Alice, that's how bad I hurt you, and I fucking called you things..." _It was only the drugs talking_, I wanted to tell him. He shook his head, "I am a really bad man, can't you see that? I am selfish 'cause I still want you here, I'd rather you see the good side of me so you don't run away."

_I do see the good side Jasper._

"Did I ever say you hurt me?" Sure I was sore after sex, but it was worth it.

"No, but, I fucking know I did. And that pisses me off more 'cause I can't trust you to tell me when I did!"

"Because you didn't fucking hurt me Jasper! If you did, guess what I didn't feel it!" I yelled at him. "I would tell you if you hurt me. Fuck, why do you think I even brought up Maria and you leaving? Because that shit hurts more. I know I may not be your wife, or your girlfriend or whatever fucking label you want to put on us." I folded my arms over my chest daring him to look at me. "You know what would hurt less? If you fucking hit me!" I spat at him as his eyes locked with mine, "Cause at least I can recover from that shit."

He let out a heavy sigh as he shook his head, "You know you're a fucking hypocrite right?"

"Really," I could hear my voice get cocky, but I was beyond caring. "Enlighten me, Jasper."

His eyes narrowed, his normal bright green eyes turning dark with anger, "You go out and offer your mouth and body to the highest bidder... You even let them fucking hit you!" He snarled at me through clenched teeth. "And you probably fucking kiss them too!"

_What the hell?_

"You don't think that shit hurts me?" He asked, hitting his chest to emphasize his point. "You don't think when you turn your cheek it doesn't stab at my ego a little? I normally wouldn't give two shits about it but with you I fucking care and that shit confuses the hell out of me but I just wanna go with it." He confessed.

"Felix? If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have had the money that day to meet you!" I shouted dropping my hands to my side. "And eww! I don't let just anyone kiss me Jasper. The fucker who made me associate pain with kissing was my step-brother." I confessed unable to hold back the tears. "He convinced me that I loved him and would beat the fuck out of me AFTER he kissed me or after he fucked me!"

"And you know what, FUCK YOU! You knew what you were getting into when it came to me! You knew what I do! And you know what? If you were to tell me right here and now to stop, I would because I would do fucking _anything_ for you!"

His brow knitted together, "What? I didn't know!" _Wait was he serious?_ His eyes got wide, "I thought you were some street kid, I fucking thought you stole the god damned money. I didn't figure out what the fuck you were until you wouldn't kiss me!" He paused for a moment looking down at his hands as they clenched and unclenched. Any other person would have run by now, thinking this man, who was at least twice their size, was going to strike them. Especially coming off his high like he was. But, I stood firm as he collected his thought. I don't care how many times I can blame the drugs for the way he acts. I knew in my heart that he wouldn't dare raise a hand to me.

"And what would you do huh?" he asked, bringing my attention back to his face. "If I told you to stop? Use that shit against me too? Throw that shit in my face?"

"Fuck you too! You know what I am," he said as he shook his head. He had a smirk on his face that would have made The Joker cower in fear of him. "I know my mom told you what I do and you..." He pointed at me. "Stayed... You could've left, but you didn't. But now you want to confront me?" Disbelief crossed his features, "I have always been nice to you Alice, I fucking lo – care about you. And having some asshole toss you around like a rag doll pisses me off."

He brought his hands to his hair and he pulled on it slightly before slapping them to his thighs. "How much do you want?" he asked.

"Okay first off, like I said, if you wanted me to stop, I would. I don't even like doing that shit anyway. I only did what I fucking could to survive. Secondly, I didn't fucking leave because I care too fucking much! But every time you tell me that you're working late or you've got shit to do it hurts..." I trailed off.

_Oh hell no! Did he ask to pay me off?!_

"I don't want your fucking money, Jackass," I snarled at him, turning to leave the room. He grabbed my arm, pulling me back towards him and shoving me onto the bed.

"I'm not throwing that shit in your face. What the fuck do you want from me Alice? Huh?!" He asked leaning over me.

I looked up at the ceiling as the tears fell. I couldn't look at him. I hated this, us fighting. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him and tell him that I loved him, that I was never gonna leave him.

"What I fucking want Jasper, is you, all of you. Don't you fucking getting it Jasper? I want you and every fucking thing that comes with it. I want you to fucking trust me enough that you don't have to run off and hide from me!" My voice cracked towards the end as I covered my face with my hands.

I felt the mattress shift as he sat up. "You have all of me Alice! You're in my fucking head! I swear to God, there is not a god damned minute that passes that I don't fucking think about you! Unfortunately you got your wish. You have all of me and excuse me for thinking that you would rather me come down elsewhere 'cause I saw the fucking tears from the last time I was around you when I was coming down." I moved my hands from my face to look at him. Staring at the back of his head

"Other girls, I don't care if I fucking hit it too hard. I don't care if I call them a whore or a slut or a cum bag." He looked back at me. Now I felt like a fucking fool. This was hurting him just as much as me. "I care about saying shit like that to you, I don't fucking want to!" he seethed. His face softened as his eyes darted around my face. He turned his back to me again as he buried his face in his hands. "And see you're crying again." He said in a defeated tone.

I looked back up at the ceiling, "I'm crying because I'm falling in love with you and it scares the shit out of me. I cried last time because I wasn't prepared for this." I waved my hand in his direction. "Your coming down. Sorry, the only fucking addicts I've been around were stoners." I chuckled darkly when I thought back to the last time I was near him when he was crashing. "Sure, when you called me a kid it hurt, but it wasn't a lie. If I wasn't so fucking childish we would be fucking right now not fighting over some bullshit that I have no right be upset about because you're not fucking mine." The tears fell out faster as I admitted that to him out loud. It hurt more to say it then think it.

He laid down next to me, pulling him closer to him. "Please just stop, I really can't take this right now okay? Not from you, stop crying." he pleaded as he wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs. "I can't promise you anything okay? Well, maybe one thing, I promise I won't see the other girls, I'll try to cut Maria out but she's a vindictive bitch, so... just please stop crying." He pressed his lips to my head. "And I am yours." he whispered.

I moved my body around so I could wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry I am. I just want..." I couldn't even bring myself to tell him what I wanted from us, so I shook my head instead. "Never mind. I'm sorry Jazzy."

"Tell me what you want. Please?" he asked as he brushed the hair out of my face.

I laughed and hid my face in his chest, inhaling deeply. "It's childish," I mumbled against the fabric of his undershirt.

His hand slid up the back of my shirt as his fingers gently ran up and down the expanse of my back. I felt myself instantly relaxing into his touch. "Please?" he asked again.

I rolled off of him and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. I propped myself up on my hand. "I want to know what we are. I mean are we roommates with benefits? Friends with benefits? What? I mean this is so fucking confusing." Understatement of the fucking century there.

He moved to lie on his side, his body mimicking mine as he took a deep breath. "Well, I would automatically say we're together, but you haven't kissed me," he smirked a bit. "What do you want us to be?"

I bit back a smile, I wanted to scream at him that I wanted to be his girlfriend! "I want us to be 'us', you know the whole..." I pointed to him, "boyfriend and," I pointed to myself, "girlfriend thing...." I trailed off, praying to whoever answered prayers that he understood what I wanted.

He tried to hide the huge grin on his face by biting his bottom lip, but failed miserably. "Anything you want... but I hope you realize, I am really gonna bug you for kisses now." How silly that he felt that he needed to warn me, I expected it. He leaned closer as his lips kissed my cheek and then my jaw.

I sat up some, grabbing his face between my hands. Slowly I brought my face to his watching as his eyes lit up in anticipation. Gently I brushed my lips against his only to quickly pull back smirking at him. "Like that?" I teased.

He laid there for a minute, grinning like a fool before he pulled himself up some, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Quickly my eyes danced along the expanse of his chest and stomach, taking inventory of the scars that were in various sizes and ranging from white and pink against him. I brought my eyes to his, smiling. He trusted me.

"Nah..." he said as he cupped my face in his hand, bringing his lips to mine. I always thought his mouth was uneven but beautiful and this moment I understood why. Because as our lips met it was like a key to a lock, fitting perfectly together. I felt him suck my bottom lip into his mouth causing to gasps as he pulled back. "Like that."

I smiled at him as my fingers danced along his stomach and chest. His muscles twitching at my touch. And his scars even though you could see them, I didn't see them as something horrible but as something that made my Jasper who he was. I never took my eyes off of his. I wanted him to know that he could trust me with this. "Thank you," I told him, thanking him for trusting me enough to show me this side of himself.

He moved us on the bed so that I was lying under him as he kissed me again, this time applying a little more pressure behind it. "Shit, my heart is gonna hammer out of my chest..." he laughed nervously, chewing his lip as he thought of something.

He moved my hands to his back, were I ran them up and down it, moving to his side and back up his back. "Can you feel them?" He whispered in my ear. I could hear the insecurity in his voice.

I moved my head so that we were face to face again as I looked into his eyes. "All I feel is you Jasper," I smiled at him.

He brushed some hair behind my ear, his eyes searching mine for something. "I'm in love with you Alice," he confessed before kissing me. When he pulled back I was about to tell him that I loved him too but felt a yawn trying to escape, so slapped my hand to mouth as I yawned, giggling afterwards at the awful timing.

He gave me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Well you should go to bed."

"I'm only gonna go to bed if you're gonna go with me. But I have something really important to tell you first. And it's secret." I smirked at him as he moved the collar of his shirt I was wearing so he could kiss my shoulder.

_Why the fuck is he kissing me there?_

"And what is this secret?" he asked looking up at me

I wrapped my arms around his neck, locking my fingers together, refusing to let him go. "That I'm in love with you too Jasper." I smiled at him. This time his smile reached his eyes as he kissed me again. At first it was a simple kiss, but I wanted more. I ran my fingers through his hair, crushing our lips together. His tongue teased the crease where my lips met making me gasp as he slowly coaxed mine to meet his.

I smiled against his lips. He picks me after all.

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A/N

You know the drill... Like it? Hate it? Let us know... Cause reviews are better then showing the one you love you trust them (well okay maybe not, but pretty darn close!)


	11. My Sunshine

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Never have, I never will. **

**A/Ns: Robs- So! Can our fucked in the head lovebirds stay happy?! We shall find out! Okay so a few warnings for this chapter, Jasper gets rather violent and there is a bit of a rape thoughtline, it isn't graphic or anything like that, but it's a little scary if you've ever been in the situation. **

**K: okay so part one of lord nows how many steps to over come is done... what's next? O.o Thanks to everyone who votes in the Indie TwiFic awards as well as all of our readers and support groups and the people who have helped us make this as real as possible... we love you like kinksper loves his Orange Juice ;)**

**Special thanks to Amber, our awesome beta and a really good friend of ours we love you chicka!**

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**Chapter 10: My Sunshine.**

_There are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help. -Marla Singer, Fight Club._

I opened myself up with Alice, I let her see me. Really see me, scars and all, then I told her I loved her. It was deep. All this, of course happened after she kissed me, and let me kiss her. The kiss was of course amazing, heart pounding and well, as cheesy as it sounds, I felt her kiss everywhere. My dick even twitched, all that from a peck, when the kiss got deeper everything seemed to melt away and it was just us. I think I found my heaven.

We finished undressing each other as we kissed and I slipped into her warm wetness and instantly moaned. I love the way it feels to be inside her. I honestly never wanted those other girls and the only way I could get off was by imagining I was doing all those things to Alice instead of to them. _I am a sick, sick man. I am completely in love with this girl and yet I get off by imagining I am fucking her up the ass and calling her a whore. Yep, something is wrong with me._

We moved together, totally in synch but as she grew closer to her peak, I felt wetness flood her core as she moaned and dug her nails into the skin at my shoulders. And honestly, that shit felt good. I got more eager and started to thrust harder, relishing in how good and high I was feeling by pumping into her tight, young body.

I kept going, sweat dripping down our bodies, as I switched positions and got her off over and over again, her moans driving me absolutely wild. I tried to keep my lips busy by keeping them against her body and concentrating my hardest on not losing control of myself. The feel of our naked skin rubbing against each other was making it difficult. Her hardened nipples pressing against my chest, hands running over my back, fingertips grazing my sides and chest brought on feelings that made my head spin.

I knew it was getting late, and I could tell after that last orgasm Alice was spent. But for some damn reason I was still hard as a fucking rock. I rolled her so she was on her stomach, content with just beating off as I looked at her back dimples. Hers were perfect. I rubbed her back soothingly, listening to her literally purr under my touch, as I reached into the bedside table and pulled out the lubricant so I could jack off easily.

I smoothed my lubed hand over my shaft as I ran my other hand along her back to her ass, squeezing lightly as I started to stroke myself. My hips instinctively thrust a little as I rubbed myself faster and massaged her ass, her head turning a little so she could look at me. I licked my lips as I locked eyes with her half lidded ones.

I felt my arm move as she pushed her ass up, kneeling in front of me with her head laying on her arms in front of her. She shook her ass at me.

"You want me to keep fucking you kitten?" I asked her adoringly.

"Yes." She moaned, her voice husky and her breath coming in pants. I moved myself to her entrance again, pressing the tip of my cock into her tightness, sliding easily in because of the lube. I grabbed her hips and focused on how good she felt, for her sake I needed to get off and soon.

"Kitten... Talk dirty to me." I requested between pants.

"Fuck Jasper," She moaned, "I love when you fuck me."

"Yeah, you like this?" I grabbed her hips thrusting roughly, forcing her hips to meet mine and making her moan.

"Yes babe, like that." She rolled her hips into me a little, making me groan.

"What else do you like?" I panted. Her talking to me like this was definitely going to make me lose it. I could feel my balls tighten and my dick starting to twitch as I got closer.

"The way you…" she paused to groan. "Twitch in my mouth when I suck your cock." _Fuck, she really is my sex kitten. _I moaned loudly and closed my eyes, feeling my nuts tighten as I started to cum.

"Fuck, kitten." I groaned, leaning my head against the back of her neck, kissing her lightly before collapsing next to her and pulling her to me.

"I love you." I whispered, kissing her sweaty forehead and pulling the blanket up over us, she mumbled something before passing out next to me.

The next morning I woke up naked and spooning Alice's naked body. The sound of heavy breathing coming from her lips. I smiled to myself as I looked at her. I tried to move gently so that I wouldn't disturb her; it had been almost an entire week since I had last cooked breakfast for her. I figured it would be nice to make her some blueberry pancakes, but the minute I moved my leg from under hers, she whined.

Startled, I looked at her sleeping form and moved myself away so I could watch her face, I saw a look of pain and she hissed as she drew in a little breath her eyes still closed. Fuck, she was hurt somewhere, I carefully pulled the comforter down and started to examine her body. She had a hickey on her breast, shoulder and, of course, that damn near permanent hickey she had behind her ear.

My eyes drifted down her body, taking note of the small finger like bruises on her hips.

_Dumbass, that was you. _I chided myself.

_Yeah well, she said she wanted it. _I spat back to myself.

I noticed her legs were parted, I moved her so she was now lying on her back. Wincing as she groaned in pain. I looked between her thighs, noticing bruises on the inside of her thighs and her pussy was red, raw and puffy. I gently ran a fingertip along her outer folds, noticing how hot it felt as it caused her to hiss.

Fuck, I knew she was going to end up crying and I hated being the cause of her tears and wished like hell I could take them away, always. I wanted to do something nice for her, I figured after all… that's what boyfriends do, right?

I got dressed, pulling on clean jeans and a t-shirt. I kissed Alice again hoping she wouldn't wake as I quickly left the apartment to walk to Walgreens, catty-corner from the apartment. I picked up a bag of ice, bubble bath and figuring what the hell, I also picked up some more of her delicious smelling shampoo and conditioner.

I returned to see she hadn't stirred and considered my two options; I could take care of her now and make breakfast while she was in the bath or I could make her breakfast now, let her eat it, take care of her and join her in the tub.

I'm an impatient asshole, I went with option one. I put her shampoo, conditioner and bubble bath in the bathroom and put the bag of ice in the freezer after I filled a glass with some. In the bedroom I put the glass on the nightstand, removed my jeans and crawled into bed, pulling the blanket down. I looked at my girl as she slept quietly and peacefully on her back, an arm under her pillow and the other one her stomach. Unfortunately for me her legs weren't spread all the way, there was a small gap, but nothing you could put your hand into. This meant I was going to have to spread her legs.

Carefully rubbing her thigh, I pushed her knee out, making her moan a little. "Shh, darlin'." I reassured her, pushing her legs even farther apart until I could see all of her heaven. I picked up the glass and hesitated, unsure with how to continue, so I did the most logical thing, I grabbed a cube and held it in my hand until it started to melt a little, then pressed it against her swollen pussy.

"Jazzy, what are you doing?" She mumbled to me, her voice thick with sleep. I slid the cube down a little, the ice melting against her heat.

"You're all swollen and raw down here, kitten. I'm trying to help." I replied, moving the ice over her and watching the water trickle down.

"I trust you." She mumbled, looking tired and uncomfortable.

"Does it hurt?" I asked as I grabbed another cube, sitting the first on top of her mound the water dripping down in between her folds.

"What you're doing?" She asked and I nodded. "No, it's just weird." She gave me a half smile.

_And now I feel like a weirdo who molests girls in their sleep with ice cubes. _I thought as I looked into her eyes and continued to rub the ice cube along her outer folds.

"Would it be less weird if I did it another way?"

"I don't know." She answered honestly, shrugging a little.

_Well, she never minds my mouth on her, _I figured it was worth a shot as I tossed both the ice cubes in my mouth and added a few more from the glass then started to chew them, the sound of crunching filled my ears and I could feel my mouth getting cold, I added more until my mouth was good and cold as I leaned down to her and licked between her folds gently, the heat a distinct difference from my tongue.

Looking up at her through my lashes I asked, "Is this less weird?" She was biting her lower lip and fisting the sheet next to her, her eyes dark with lust, _well shit I really didn't need to ask did I?_

"Yeah." She moaned out softly. I smiled to myself, she's in pain and I can still get her all worked up, I mentally fist pumped.

I continued licking her outer folds out to the junction where her thigh hits her pelvis and back before putting more ice in my mouth and pushing my tongue in between her folds, her heat hitting me like a sledgehammer and making her moan loudly then groan when she tried to buck her hips into my face. She wanted it. I bit into my lower lip and sat up licking my lips with my cold tongue as I looked at her and handed her the glass of ice. I moved myself so I was on my stomach and had her legs over my shoulders my face inches from where I hurt her. She whimpered.

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" She mewled a little and tried to push her hips towards my face but I held fast, watching as she gripped the cup of ice tighter. "Darlin', I wanna hear you say it."

"Please." She whimpered, trying to wiggle her hips closer, I smirked at her, taking an ice cube from the glass and holding it in my fist above her crotch, letting the drops of icy cold water hit her heat.

"Please what?" I drawled, laying my accent on thick as my own desire grew. _This isn't about you, _I growled internally at my dick.

"Make it better," she whined, I nodded a little and dropped my lips to her and kissed her gently, spreading her fold with my cold tongue. I heard her groan overhead as the tip of my tongue connected with her hot clit. Taking that as my cue I dove in, massaging her clit with my tongue and making her moan profanities as her free hand fisted my hair and tugged rather roughly, I felt smug in the knowledge that I was definitely doing something she liked.

I took two more ice cubes from the glass and put one in my mouth as I continued my work on her sensitive clit the other I pressed around her entrance causing her to scream at me. I tried to shush her, but I was still buried in her crotch so it merely vibrated and made her moan even harder. I pushed it into her entrance and traced a circle, listening to her pants and moans of delight as I fucked her with the ice cube.

I continued sucking and pushing it in and out while I slightly humped the bed. I had a ranging boner from the sounds she was making and her taste on my lips. _I am a goner, _I thought, feeling her legs start to shake as her orgasm built up. I started to lick at her nub like a kitten lapping up milk, making her breath come in short little moans and making her fist my hair tightly. Feeling brave and desperate to get her off, I removed the ice cube and pressed my finger into her seeking the rough spot on her inner wall that made her moan a string of profanities that I am sure half of which she made up.

I gently slid my finger out of her and waited for her to calm down enough to let go. Once she did, I gently moved her legs off my shoulders and moved up her side and kissed her passionately, cupping the back of her head as I did. I felt her hands start to rub my hardness through the fabric of my boxers and I moaned into her mouth.

She pulled back and giggled. I opened my eyes and saw her grinning at me. "So you trying to top the way I wake you up?" I shook my head and licked my lips at the memory; nothing could top how she wakes me up sometimes.

"No, I just felt bad, you looked so sore." I responded, gesturing to where my head had been buried moments before, she smiled in return and brushed my shaggy curls out of my face.

"Thank you." She said, kissing me and stroking me a little quicker, making me pant.

"Stop rubbing or I'm gonna nut in my shorts, kitten."

"Sorry." She giggled, moving her hand. I gave her my best sexy half smile, the one like Edward uses to charm the ladies and it seemed to have the desired effect.

"I got you bubble bath." With those words she gave me a smile of pure joy.

"Really?"

"Yep." I popped the p.

"Thank you." She squealed with joy and pulled my face to hers, kissing me hard and making me chuckle.

"Want to take a bath while I make breakfast?"

She nodded, "That sounds like a good idea."

"Are you feeling better?"

"A little yeah, I haven't moved yet," She blushed. "So um, yeah." She shrugged.

"I'm sorry Ali baby." I pushed some of her hair behind her ear.

"Jazzy, don't it's not your fault. I kept asking for more." She kissed me firm. "It's worth it. Plus look at it this way," She wiggled a little and grinned at me. "You can carry me to the bath if you want and I won't complain."

"Yeah baby. You ready now?" I asked her, she bit into her juicy bottom lip and nodded, holding out her arms as I picked her up and carried her bridal style, making me chuckle. "I feel like I just married you."

"Really? 'Cause I feel like you fucked me with an ice cube." She teased, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Well I wanted to stick something in there." I teased back and gave her a fake shocked expression to which she shook her head.

"You're insatiable."

"Umm I was just gonna... you know, make you feel better, you were the horny one this morning." I raised an eyebrow at her as I sat her down on the toilet while I started running the bath, I poured in some of the white vanilla scented bubble bath.

"Well sorry, I was having a very good dream and well, you made it better." She informed me, biting back a smile.

"What were you dreaming about?" That question earned me an immediate blush, she dreams dirty things too.

"Us." She admitted, making me lick my lip so I could taste her again.

"What about us?" I pressed; hoping she would give me some juicy little detail of what she likes the best.

"Nothing we don't normally do." She giggled while shrugging.

"Come on Kitten, don't be coy with me."

She breathed a long sigh, "Alright Jesus, I had a sex dream about us."

I kissed her knowing she wasn't going to say anything more and then I smirked, "You know you can just call me Jasper."

That got her to laugh and she threw a towel at me, "Smart ass."

"Alright... I better get you in the tub and start making pancakes before I fuck you over the sink." I warned, mentally kicking myself when I saw her wince.

"As much fun as that would be, I think I might need a day off." She chewed her lip nervously, I can't believe she would think I would be upset by that, I ran my finger down her nose in what I was hoping was a loving manner.

"I figured. I'll give you two." I kissed her and picked her up as she wrinkled her nose.

"I hope I don't need that long."

"I just wanna be careful, I can still pleasure you without it." I informed her as I lowered her into the tub and kissed her. "So I'd rather not risk it."

"You're the boss." She smiled and leaned back in the tub, resting her head on the edge and giving me the best view of her body in the water, my cock twitched at the sight. "Now shoo," she waved her hand, gesturing towards to door and smiling at me. "It's bubble bath time."

"Cock tease." I teased as I left making her giggle.

"You love it."

I made her breakfast that morning, and indeed all her meals and in return I got one fantastic blowjob. Let me tell you that girl has skills. The next day she wasn't sore, but like I told her, I wasn't willing to risk it and I went to work.

The rest of the week followed that same pattern, us doing couple stuff when I got home from work and then we'd fuck until the wee hours of the morning. I was so in love with this girl it was mind numbing, but not all consuming, I wish I could say it was. For one thing, there was this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong, and for another, I needed to get high. Badly.

Friday I decided to go against my better judgment and instead of staying late like I had been, I got off on time with Larry and smoked with him. After telling him I couldn't have fun with the meth-bunnies, as he called them, I went home. Happy and high, and ready to see my girl, but when I got home it was empty. Well, so much for that idea. Not sure what to do I decided I should clean and got out the stuff I needed to do it.

Two hours after I arrived home, Alice showed up looking harassed. My high was still there, but it was quickly wavering. The bad thing about smoking it is it never stays in your system as long as injection. I heard Alice open the front door and quickly go to the bathroom. _What the fuck? _I stopped myself from placing myself right outside the bathroom door.

When she came out I immediately looked her head to toe, her jeans had a bit of dirt on the knees and her shirt was clinging to her body beautifully, the shoulder exposed partially.

"Kitten." I drawled playfully at her, making her jump in surprise. I guess she didn't expect me to be here.

"Oh Jazzy hi…" She ran her fingers nervously through her hair. I wondered what that was about.

"Hey baby, where were you?" I asked her, chewing lightly on my upper lip as I gathered up my cleaning supplies and put them on the coffee table. I looked at her as she looked at her feet.

"Work... I needed money for some things." I knew what she used to mean by work, I was fairly certain we were exclusive now, so that would be cheating and she wouldn't do that to me.

"You got a job?" I asked hopeful as I walked towards her and she shook her head at me. I stopped short and bit my bottom lip to keep the tears that were suddenly stinging my eyes from spilling over. "I thought you weren't gonna do that anymore."

"No, I said that if you were to ask me to stop I would. You never did." She shrugged. I thought I had. "And I can't exactly get a job flipping burgers ya know? So what else am I gonna do for cash?" _Fuck, I knew this would happen if I asked her to stop, I knew she actually wouldn't. _I thought as I sat on the couch and buried my face in my hands. I heard her sigh. "You want something to eat? I wasn't expecting you."

"Not hungry." I responded. I felt as if someone had a vice grip on my heart and that it was pumping too hard.

_Am I having a heart attack? Could I have a heart attack? _I lay sideways on the couch hoping it would stop hurting so bad, or that I would die, one of the two.

"Do you want a Pepsi then?"

I rubbed my face with my hands, trying to wipe the wetness from my cheeks, _fuck this bitch had me crying! _"I don't want anything right now." My voice sounded strange to me, like I was choking on something.

"So you're pissed?" She asked, sounding irritated. I rolled my eyes and tried to give the best fake laugh I could muster. "'Ha'! Is that your only answer?"

"I'm not fucking pissed Alice." I told her softly, hoping that I could convey what I was feeling without words.

"Okay whatever Jasper." She said in a bored tone. Like Maria she didn't care, just like Maria, she was getting what she wanted from me and stringing me along just like Maria. _Fucking bitch! _Something inside of me snapped then.

"Don't whatever me Alice, how about you pick a different fucking emotion." I spat at her.

"What the fuck, so you're hurt? Why are you fucking hurt? It's not like I fuck them, or kiss them or even tell that I love them. I save all that shit for you."

_She doesn't get it? Wasn't it just last week she confronted me 'cause I was fucking meth bunnies? _I growled in frustration and my fist collided with the back of the sofa. "Because you're mine!"

"Ugh! That's so hypocritical Jasper. You can be hurt about this. But the minute I..." I looked up as she trailed off shaking her head, "Fuck I can't do this with you when you're high."

That got me on my feet pretty quickly and I found myself stalking up to her, glaring. "What Alice? Huh? You are mine. My girlfriend. I haven't touched anyone since you told me what you wanted. And guess what Darlin'? I'm not high anymore." I could hear my accent get heavy, _see the real me Alice, the Texas asshole. A voice that makes you wet and the temper that makes you cringe._

"Haven't touched anyone, _yet_. I'm not stupid Jasper. When I found that fucking note saying you had to work late I knew what you were gonna fucking do."

_What? This bitch confuses the hell out of me, I told her I wouldn't and I am a man of my goddamn word! _I really was going to work late, my eyes narrowed at her assumption.

"I got high Alice, it's what I do, and I had planned to come home and play with you, my love. But I got home and my girlfriend was out giving blowjobs." I yanked the side of her shirt down and saw a purple welt forming, "And getting the crap kicked out of her to get off." She gets off on pissing guys off, I'm just one of many.

"Yeah, come back here and play so that way when you're sober again you can make me feel like shit for enjoying what we do." She smacked my hand off her shirt. "What do you want me to do Jasper? I need money and I'm not gonna ask you for it."

_Why the fuck not? I thought that was why I was working! _I didn't realize what I was doing until my fist collided with the wall and a searing pain shot up my arm. I growled low in my throat and did my best not to scream in pain. She didn't even flinch. _I knew it, this is how she gets off._

"See?! This is why I didn't ask you to stop, 'cause this is the bullshit excuses I would get. Yes Alice, I want you to stop. I thought I made that clear but I guess I need to engrave it for you." I glared at her, "I don't want a girlfriend who's a slut." With that she raised her chin in defiance.

"Fine. I have a meeting with him in three days, I'll tell him I'm done and walk away. I'm not a fucking slut Jasper. And don't ever fucking call me that again." She spat at me before storming to the bedroom.

_Who the fuck told her she could leave?_

"Woman! I'm not done with you!" I bellowed my accent heavy and almost tangible. I fucking sounded like my father.

_Fantastic. _

It worked though; she came back and stood in the doorway, shirtless.

_Fuck me._

"I'm just fucking changing Jasper."

"Ali baby…" I trailed off whining. I was still pissed, but the side of me that wanted her, the side that was addicted to her was winning at the moment. I saw her raise an eyebrow at me. "Take off your pants." I said nicely, giving her the look that usually got me into girl's panties.

"Are you kidding me? You just called me a fucking slut Jasper!" She yelled at me, and turned to grab a shirt off of the bed.

_Fuck she is not going to tease me like that, _I pinned her to the bed before I knew what I was doing.

"I could make you." I growled in her ear, she really glared at me then.

"You wouldn't dare." She challenged.

"Wouldn't I?" I wondered if she could feel how hard I was at this moment, I wanted to take her. I could make her like it, scream my name. I could make her cum even. I smirked at her, "I've done worse, and I showed up two hours ago craving orange juice, only to find I was all out." I glared at her as I pulled her arms over her head, gathering her wrists in one hand.

"I don't care how fucked up you are on meth, you and I both know the minute that shits out of your system and you realize what you did you'll hate yourself. Now I recommend you get the fuck off of me before I hurt something that I'm actually rather am fond of."

_Did she just threaten me? _I moved, shoving both my knees between her legs, let's see her kick me when she's trapped like that.

"I'm smarter than that darlin'." I rolled my hips into her, forcing her to feel how hard I was because of her. _Don't do this bro! _That voice that sounded like Emmett was back. Y_ou'll never forgive yourself no matter what she did. _My eyes started to sting more when I realized that I was getting very close to _raping _the woman I love. "I wish... I didn't love you," I could hear my voice break as the tears started to fall. "I would do anything not to love you right now cause it feels like someone's just stepped on my heart and I wanna hurt you too, but I can't." I let go of her wrists and collapsed on top of her.

"Oh Jasper…" She whispered in a comforting voice.

_No, she doesn't get to use that voice now_. I could feel my heart literally breaking in my chest.

"I'm sorry babe, I promise I'll stop." She tried to wrap her arms around me, but I shrugged them away moving off her and curling up on my side of the bed. I buried my face in the pillow and I felt my tears soaking it as I let silent sobs roll through my body. I swore to myself then that I would never again do meth. I couldn't believe how close I had just gotten to becoming a true monster.

I felt the bed move as Alice slid up behind me and kissed my shoulder gently. "I love you too Jasper, I truly do." Her voice was genuine, but for some odd reason I just couldn't believe her. Wiping my tears on the pillow I turned to look at her and took a calming breath.

"Aren't you hungry? I got you an Oreo McFlurry in the freezer."

"No, I'm fine for now." She responded, smiling at me and running her fingertips along my arm.

"I love you." I couldn't take the pain in my heart anymore. I don't care if she did just cheat on me, I turned and cupped her face, bringing her lips to mine and kissing her deeply. She kissed back enthusiastically, tasting like mint and Alice. I love the way she tastes, everywhere.

"I love you." She purred as we finally broke our kiss. I looked Alice over and noticed her nipples pointing out of her bra like pencil erasers. I felt my dick jump in my pants, fuck I had almost forgotten about him.

"Dammit." I whispered, closing my eyes to the beauty that was Alice.

"What?"

"Okay baby you need to do one of two things... either get more naked, or get more dressed." I answered honestly looking down at her pants and making her giggle.

"Well, I need a shower so I guess the more naked option is the winner." She kissed me, "You okay?"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." I apologized for almost forcing myself on her, I would've done it too had it not been for the Emmett like voice that popped into my head. She sighed.

"I know babe." She kissed me and I felt myself respond to it, bringing me into a lusty haze. "Okay I'm gonna go take a shower and I'll be back okay?"

"I need a shower too." I lied, hoping to fuck her brains out under the shower spray. Something I had never actually done, but always fantasized about. She smirked at me as she crawled over me and climbed off the bed.

"Come on."

"You sure?" I asked climbing off the bed myself as she took my hand and laced her fingers with mine.

"Yes, come on." She tugged on my hand dragging me behind her. "You can wash my back for me." She smirked up at me.

"I'll wash any part of you, you want." My voice was thick with lust as I followed her, watch her hips sway gently.

Once inside the bathroom, I turned on the shower and turned to watch Alice as she pulled her bra off, I noticed the bruises and that's when it hit me, this was his way of marking her. She was his. I felt the urge to throw up and my heart clenched all at the same moment. She turned, looking at me as she sauntered over. _Not mine. _I looked at her gravely. "You're not mine Alice."

She looked at me confused, "Why would you say that?"

"You belong to him. His marks are all over your body and as long as you have them, you belong to him." I bit into my lip to keep from crying. She shook her head vehemently.

"That's not true Jasper, please." She pleaded with me as she bit into her lip.

"I love you more than anything Alice, I'll do anything you ask. But I can't be the other guy. I just can't okay?" I shook my head sadly and walked to the bathroom door.

"I love you too Jasper. I don't want you to be anyone but you." She pleaded with me again; I rested my forehead against the doorframe looking at her with one eye. She sighed in defeat, "But I understand."

At that I left so she could shower alone. I went and laid in bed, curling up on my side and stared into space until I fell into an uneasy sleep. When I awoke Alice was curled up on the other side of the bed. I wished desperately that I could reach out and hold her in my arms, kiss her and yes, make sweet, sweet love to her. She said she loved me, but I seriously doubted it because if she loved me, why would she keep going back to him.

I can be a charming mother fucker when I want to be, and it was time for me to pull out the charm.

_After_ I went to the hospital, because let me tell you... My hand, the one I used to punch the brick wall, it hurt like a bitch.

At the hospital Edward examined my hand and told me I had broken two bones and fractured my wrist. I got a cast set and had to explain what happened with Alice to him. He understood but he couldn't believe how far I took it either. He told me I should buy her flowers and directed me towards a flower-shop in town as he released me. I went and got lunch at McDonalds since I had to tell them about my injury anyway.

Afterwards I went to my favorite bracelet lady and bought a bracelet for Alice. An apology for what I'd done the night before, and a few more for the girls and the meth. I was so bad to her, no wonder she wanted some other guy.

Then I went to the flower-shop and bought her sunflowers, I know you're all asking, why sunflowers? Because they're for my sunshine. It fits. I walked home whistling 'You are my Sunshine'. When I got home, the apartment was empty, so I went about getting the flowers all set up on the table and I started to make dinner, with Esme telling me what to do on the phone. Good thing I'm good at taking directions.

While the lasagna was baking in the oven, I got washed up, having to put my wretched cast in a bag while I showered. I put on nice dress clothes, since she always seems to respond to me like that. I combed my hair back and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't know what else I could do to make myself better looking, I sighed and sprayed myself with cologne just as I heard the snap of the front door opening and closing. I swiftly walked out of the bathroom and locked eyes with my little Alice.

_Not mine, not yet. _

"Did you have a fun day Alice?" I said in the voice I used when I wanted her in my bed.

Her eyes scanned my body, making me feel smug when I saw her eyes darken with desire before she tilted her head to the side and regard me skeptically. "Yeah there were some kids feeding ducks at the park today. Are you going out?"

_Silly girl, as if I would go out with someone else dressed like this._

"No. Did you want to join me for dinner? I made lasagna, a salad and garlic toast." She sat her bag on the ground in the foyer.

"Sure... wait, salad?" She shook her head, "You hate salad."

"Um, well, it's a type of salad that Esme makes; it's mainly just tomatoes, mozzarella cheese and Italian dressing."

"That sounds wonderful Jasper." She smiled the smile that makes me want to push her against the wall and fuck her senseless. I put my arms behind my back to stop myself.

"Thank you darlin', you look beautiful." I told her, locking eyes with her for a moment before leading her into the dining room and holding her chair for her. She sat and smiled at me, looking a little confused.

"You look pretty good yourself." She commented making my ego swell.

"I figured you'd like it." I remarked as I pushed her in slightly then went to get the food. I set it on the table then went to get our place-settings and setting everything up. "What did you want to drink?"

"Whatever is fine... Jasper?" I reached into the fridge and grabbed two Pepsis and set them down in front of our place-settings.

"Yeah?"

"Your hand… I'm sorry." She looked down, ashamed.

I shrugged it off, "I'm the one who hit the wall, it'll be fine in six weeks, I'm just gonna suck in bed for now."

"But I shouldn't have pushed you." She lamented chewing her lower lip, I shrugged again.

"Don't worry about it." I sat down and looked at the food. "So, uh, dig in?" She smiled and nodded.

"The food smells really good Jasper." The compliment embarrassed me a little and I blushed, smiling.

"Thanks." I started trying to eat with my right hand, which turned into something pretty funny since I'm normally left handed, but I wasn't about to give up. I started to stab the food with my fork and taking bites that way, it made Alice giggle.

"Babe, do you need some help?"

"I think I got it, it just might take me awhile to eat though. Forgive me; I had this whole thing planned out... I was gonna talk to you after dinner about stuff." I shrugged, blushing again at my lack of right handed skills. She nodded.

"I can wait for you." She reassured me, between bites.

"Thanks."

"So um... What did you want to talk to me about?" She asked, looking concerned.

I picked up my Pepsi and took a drink, trying to find the best way to put what I was going to say. I cleared my throat as I began. "Because I don't know a gentlemanly way to say it I'm just gonna lay it out, okay?" She looked grave and stopped eating, nodding as she looked at me.

"Um…" I began again, chewing my upper lip. "I can't _not_ be with you. I meant it when I said that I was in love with you, that being said, I only want you if you are only with me. Okay? I mean everything feels right to me, and I swear I've only ever felt at home between your thighs. I _need _you. But you are a free person, you can make that choice." I looked at her, my heart lying out on the table. She could either take it, or crush it. It was hers.

"Jasper, you're the only one I want. I love you so much it scares me... I promise I'm not gonna do that anymore... it's just you and me now ok?" She held out her hand to me and I nodded, bringing her hand up to my lips and placing a gentle kiss there.

The next couple of days were some of the strangest, most wonderful days for me. I tried to spend as much time with Alice as I could. But eventually the real world invaded the little bubble we tended to live in around each other and I had to go to work.

Wednesday night I came home to a dark and empty apartment, which was rather disturbing to me.

I looked in the bedroom to see that the bed was made and all of Alice's stuff was still there, except for her bag. If she went to draw then she'd be back by now, it was dark. I tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong.

The phone rang about twenty minutes after I arrived home and I immediately rushed to answer it. "Hello?" I answered a little too loudly.

"Hey Jay?" It was Edward, why was he calling here?

"Hey E, um… I'd like to chat, but I'm waiting –" He cut me off before I could finish.

"Jay, I'm calling about Alice, she's here. She's in really bad shape."

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**End note: So tell us what you think... please remember to review.**


	12. Almost Easy

**Disclaimer****: We don't own Alice or Jasper, Stephenie Meyer does. **We do how ever own various CDs DVDs and an extensive collection of Jackley pictures. Oh and we also own the plot to get K to Colorado…

**K**: Okay so last chapter got some flames that we weren't expecting but hey, if anything they make us more determined to get the rollercoaster out… Gonna give you a fair warning, you definitely need to have tissues handy. It ain't pretty. Also there's questionable stuff in here (you will see "**!!!!!!!**" if you want to end it there). But since most of you are pretty brave, we'll see you at the end ;-) BTW, no Indie for us but congrats to those that did. Be sure to check the main profile for Alsper cause we have other nominations ^.^

**Robs**: Hey thanks to the love we did get on the last chapter, we love our readers and supporters hardcore. ^.^ kisses and hugs all around!

**Thank you to as always to our beautiful and awesome friend/sister/beta Amber for looking this over then telling K she was evil for putting her heart in the ringer. We love you chica!

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**Almost Easy**

_Even within the most beautiful landscape, in the trees, under the leaves the insects are eating each other; violence is a part of life._

_Francis Bacon (22 January 1561 – 9 April 1626)_

I felt him leave the bed before I registered anything else. It hurt to think he was going to leave without saying goodbye, but I guess he just wanted to let me sleep.

The past few days, since we fought, things were different. There was a noticeable shift in the air. The current that usually flowed between us seemed stronger, making it an impossibility to do anything without the other.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into things again. I know I still had marks on my back, it was obvious by the way we fucked that they were still there. My heart died when he said I wasn't his, I couldn't believe he would actually believe that.

The bed shifted under him as he returned to bed. I smiled into my pillow as he pulled me close to him.

"Morning Jazzy," I mumbled trying to sound as if I just woke up.

"Mornin' Alice," he answered as he kissed my neck. I rolled on to my back and looked up at him, his usual blond hair darker from the shower.

"Off to work huh?"

He gave me a half smile as I brushed the hair out of his face. "I gotta."

I smiled at him. "That's okay... are you working late?"

He nodded a little, "Yeah. I'm trying to buy a radio, figured you might wanna dance..." he trailed off and tried to focus his attention on something other than my face.

I nodded, cupping his face in my hand to make him look at me. "I like that idea," I said before giving him a quick kiss. "I love you."

"I love you," he said as he dipped his face closer to mine. My eyes fluttered closed as he took my lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it as he deepened the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to pull myself closer to him.

He pushed me back, never breaking our kiss as he lay between my legs. He ground himself into me causing me to moan and giggle at the same time.

"Babe, you're gonna be late if you continue that," I chided.

His head fell, gently resting it on the crook of my neck. "I know, but I really don't wanna get out of bed right now," he said as he kissed my neck again. "I'd much rather spend all day in bed with you than go to work."

I would much rather that he stayed home with me too. Because the more he's home the more I can ignore what I need to do. I felt my stomach flip uneasily as I remembered what I was going to do. I had put it off longer then I should have.

"But if you don't go to work babe, we won't be able to get the stereo and then I can't dance for you."

He pulled away, lying next to me again while he looked at me for a minute, seemingly lost in thought. He sighed, "I know." He pulled me in tight for a hug before getting up and stretching. I watched the muscles in his back flex with his movements, and wondered if he felt the tension I felt inside.

I sat up on to my knees and walked to the edge of the bed. "And besides," I said feeling the need to lighten the mood. "All I have to do today is laundry and food prep." I gave him a small smile as he turned to look at me nodding in agreement. I knew he understood what I meant by food prep. After all, Edward dropped of the groceries yesterday.

He went to the closet and started pulling his uniform out, tossing the shirt and hat on the bed. "What are you making for dinner tonight baby?" he asked as he pulled his black pants on.

I sat back onto my heels. I hadn't really given it much thought, but if he was working late then I knew I would want to make something easy. "Well, I was thinking steak fajitas this time..." I trailed off remembering how he liked the chicken ones I made before.

I bit my lip as he pulled a wife beater over his head. I hated those things cause that meant he was hiding from me, even if it was just to go to work.

"That sounds really good," his voice broke me from my thoughts. "You want me to pick something up?" He asked while getting the last of his clothes on.

_Damn he dresses fast._

I shook my head, "Nope, that why I make menus Jazzy. So I can make sure everything we need is on the list for Edward." I smiled proudly at him.

He smiled back at me as he buttoned up his shirt, "Yeah, I just thought…" He shrugged shaking his head, "never mind." He moved closer to give me a quick kiss. "Thank you for last night baby, I know my cast fucks things up."

I fisted the fabric of his shirt pulling him closer to me, causing him to brace himself with his knees against the bed. "Well then, I think after dinner we'll practice some more," I suggested while grinning at him. I gave him kiss, purposely teasing his lip with my tongue and pulling away when he tried to deepen it.

He nodded, "Yes ma'am." I felt his right hand slide up my inner thigh to my center, making me bite my lip. "Are you out of panties?" he gave me an amused look as he started to rub his hand against me.

"No…" I moaned out a little. "Just don't see a point to wearing them around you." I smirked at him, trying to sound like he wasn't affecting me.

He smirked back at me, his eyes telling me he knew better. "Good point," his voice was husky and his accent thick as he dipped his fingers into me. He pumped them in and out a few times, just enough to tease me, before pulling them out. He brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them as if he just ate the best finger food ever. I bit my lip silently cursing him because now I was really fucking horny.

"See you after work," he said once he was done, winking at me.

"Oh you are so paying for that later!" I huffed crossing my arms over my chest. I did my best to give him a stern glare but his smirk blew that out the window. "Now go before I rip those damned pants off you," I whined.

His smirk turned into a grin as he grabbed his wallet and keys of the dresser, whistling his familiar tune as he left.

A very cold shower, a load of laundry, and hours of food prep later I was trying to decide what to do next. I glanced at the clock and realized it was a little after three. Sighing, I picked up my bag and headed out the door.

Being that today was Wednesday; I knew Felix wouldn't be looking for me until four-thirty. How sick is that I knew that about him? Granted, I guess it's just good business, knowing your client.

The closer I got to meeting Jenny, the more weighed down with tension I felt. Something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I didn't like this feeling at all.

When I reached the alley where Jenny usually hung out, I saw her talking to Caius. He of course noticed me first.

"Ah, little Mary is gracing us with her presence," he said, taking a drag off his cigarette.

"_Buon pomeriggio_," I said in response. I didn't speak much Italian, except for what he had taught me and Jenny in an effort to keep his mobster mentality.

"_Bella molto buon_," he smiled. "Good afternoon to you as well Ms. Mary."

Jenny turned to look at me now, "There's a reason Caius is here."

I quirked my eyebrow in question at her, but Caius was the one to answer.

"You see _bella_; Jenny has informed me that you wish to end your career."

I nodded. I don't understand why it was his business. He wasn't my pimp.

"I've come for _protezione_, protection if you will." He waved his hand around like it was some fucking grand gesture.

"I don't need protection Caius, I've dealt with worse."

He shook his head, "This is why you girls need to be under my wing. Jenny told me about the _bastardo's_ fetish towards you." He paused waiting for me to deny it, but I wouldn't there was no point. "Yes, well, if you were properly handled, you wouldn't be… broken goods."

"_Avvitilo _Caius!" I spat at him, making him laugh.

"Aww, little Mary still has spunk I see," he teased as he ran his hand over his slicked back hair.

I turned to face Jenny, "Did you talk to him?" I had managed to call her Monday and asked her to tell Felix to meet me today.

She nodded, "Yeah, he ain't happy Mar. You really should have Caius stick around." She shook her head, "how could you put up with that dick?"

I scoffed, "Easy, a hundred bucks for a rim job." Jenny laughed with me, she knew I was putting on a front but wouldn't dare point it out in front of Caius. Suddenly I saw both of them stiffen.

"_Qui viene angelo_," Caius said softly. He's here. I turned to see a very pissed of Felix. I swallowed back my fears and met him half way.

--------------------------

The fucking light was too fucking bright in here. All the damned white and pastel colors they used in the rooms weren't calming me worth a damn.

"She's not giving us her name and frankly we can't treat her until we know who she is and how old she is." I heard the stupid, smelly old nurse whine to the officer outside my door.

"Well she didn't have ID on her when we were called to the scene," he informed her causing the nurse to huff and storm off.

"Officer, do you mind if I go inside and see if I can get some information from the patient?" I rolled my eyes at the pompous ass who thought he could get me to talk. It fucking hurt to talk at the moment.

_Of course it does, that's what happens when a man easily twice your height and two hundred pounds heavier then you, decides to exact his revenge on you._

As the door opened wider I turned my head in that direction, wincing at the pain it caused. Stupid hospital won't give me medication until they know if they can treat me.

When the familiar reddish hair started its way into the room, my vision blurred as the tears finally started to fall.

"Edward," I croaked out, my voice full of the pain I was going through.

He was looking over his chart and shaking his head, but the minute I said his name, his head snapped up. I watched as his eyes widened in shock… no horror.

"Alice?" he asked as he quickly came to my side. I could see the doctor in him assessing the damage he could clearly see. I needed to say something quick, tell him I'm fine just in a little pain. Beg that he doesn't call Jasper. Maybe even plead with him to play doctor death and just end my misery.

I decided to be funny instead. "Fancy meeting you here," I joked, trying to smile but failing miserably.

"What happened Alice?" His eyes softened and all evidence of Dr. Cullen was gone. Now it was simply the Edward who had spoken to me last week in the kitchen.

I couldn't stand to see the concern in his eyes so I looked down at the foot of my bed. "I quit my... uh…" my eyebrows knitted together, "job."

I watched him from the corner of my eye as he looked around. "Did your pimp do this?" he asked in a whisper.

I laughed as the saying 'keep your pimp hand strong' fluttered through my head causing me to snort. "Ouch..." _Mental note – no laughing._ "No… Client." I told him simply.

"Shit, I'm sorry Alice... uh, can you hang on a few? I'll give you an IV of Toridal for the pain, but I gotta call my dad and have him sign to be your guardian, or act like it," he explained in a whisper as he nervously ran his hand through his hair. He was looking down at my hand, where I was wearing Jasper's key.

_Oh please God, don't call Jasper!_ I begged him in my head. I couldn't let Jasper see me like this. He's gonna think I lied to him. He's gonna think I don't love him. I felt the tears fall harder as I realized I was gonna lose him now for sure.

"'Kay…" I whispered.

When Edward left the room I heard him explain to the officer that I was his sister-in-law. I also heard him order the IV but telling her to wait while he went to contact our father for consent. The nurse questioned needing Carlisle's consent when my husband should be the one giving it. So again Edward lied and said there was a legal reason Carlisle had to do it. That made the nurse shut it.

I really didn't like her.

A few minutes later another nurse came in with the IV bag.

"Oh you poor thing," she whispered as she got the supplies out to get the IV up.

"You should see the other guy," I joked. I didn't want sympathy from a stranger.

She smiled. "You might feel a pinch," she warned but compared to what I was feeling, the needle was nothing.

Once the IV was in I laid back and waited for the drugs to kick in. Eventually both Carlisle and Edward came in. The look on Carlisle's face made me cry again, he looked hurt just seeing me, cementing the fact that I can't let Jasper see me like this.

Edward looked over the notes on his clip board. "Is the pain a little better?" he asked.

I nodded, "So um, either one of you want to explain the in-law thing to me?"

Edward's mouth popped open clearly not expecting that. Quickly he regained his composure and he rubbed the back of his neck looking at Carlisle. Carlisle had an amused expression as he shrugged and sat in the chair closet to the bed. I smiled inwardly at the way his presence made me think of him as a father, here making sure his daughter was okay.

"Um," Edward started. "When you were sick, so you could get treated, Jasper said you were his wife." I felt my eyebrows jump up in surprise as Edward gave me an uneasy smile.

That was over a month ago. Why would he say that about me?

"Oh, okay."

"Um..." Edward cleared his throat, looking at the chart again. Obviously he was going to be my doctor tonight. "In these situations we usually do a rape kit, and the cops want a statement so you can press charges."

_Like hell we will,_ I thought.

I shifted to sit up more, the pain surging up my left side. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from hissing in pain.

"Rape kit's not necessary." I informed him. The bastard only had the balls to shove me around a few times and then punch me. "And I don't think telling the cops will help." _After all isn't prostitution illegal?_ "I've seen that show 'Cops'; they'll probably arrest me and then say I deserved it."

Carlisle reached out and grabbed my hand. "We really need this guy off the streets. The officer out there has a daughter about your age and you'll see he's actually pretty nice." He explained giving me a gentle smile. "He really wants this scumbag off the streets." Carlisle looked up at Edward, causing me to look at him as well. Edward was nodding in agreement to everything Carlisle had said. But I didn't care; I didn't want to deal with the cops.

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter if he's nice Carlisle. I deserved this. You'd be pissed too if you were told to meet –" I cut myself off, deciding that just because Edward knew what I did for sure, didn't mean Carlisle had to.

"You did not deserve this," Edward said sternly.

I scoffed, like hell I didn't. I let the sick fuck hit me for a hundred bucks. It's not like I was saying "Hey Felix, don't hit me."

"Fine, let the guy in. At least if I get arrested I know where I'm going once I get out of here." I said bitterly, knowing there was no way Jasper was gonna take me back now.

"Did you want Jasper here when you talk to the Charlie? I mean the officer? I bet Jasper is worried sick about you." Edward said and looked at Carlisle who was nodding.

"You called him?" I asked feeling the panic kick in. "Why? Aren't you supposed to ask my permission before you do that?" I could hear the pitch of my voice getting higher with each word. I couldn't have him here. I wouldn't be able to hear him say I'm not his again.

Edward's eyes got wide. "I haven't yet, uhhh, I just bet he's worried." He stammered out.

"God I'm such a shit! Is it wrong that I want him here, but at the same time I can't bear to have him here?" I felt the tears stinging my eyes.

_Jesus Christ why do I cry so much!?_

"It isn't wrong to want the person you care about, and who cares very deeply about you I might add, be here with you while things are bad." Carlisle said soothingly giving me a sympathetic smile. "It's part of being in a relationship." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"But he's gonna think I'm not his..." I blurted out as the conversation in the bathroom ran through my head like I was watching a movie.

"No, Alice. He wouldn't break up with you for this." Edward answered giving me a confused look.

"Prove it." I said looking at him. He really shouldn't talk about shit he didn't know. Jasper said he wouldn't be the other man. He said that every time Felix hit me he was marking me as his. And, well I hadn't seen what I look like yet, but I was pretty sure it was enough to make him not want me at all.

"I'll be right back," Edward said breaking me from my thoughts.

My eyes widened as I looked at Carlisle confused. He merely smiled like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

_Oh. My. God!_

"He lied didn't he?" I asked

"Uhhh," Carlisle started but stopped as Jasper and Edward stepped into the room.

Jasper looked like hell. Disheveled was the best way to say it. His hair was messy like he's been pulling it. His shirt was un-tucked, and his beautiful green eyes were slightly red as if he'd been crying.

Finally his eyes reached my face making him stop in his tracks. I could hear his breath catching in his chest before he moved to come to me.

When he reached my side, I saw his eyes fill with tears as he looked me over. "What happened baby?" he whispered. I could hear the concern, worry and love in his voice.

I started crying again, "Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry. I did it though, I quit today and he..." I trailed off trying to hide my face from him.

He ran his fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry baby," he whispered as he kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry."

I pulled away to look at him. "Why are you sorry?" I asked, confusion coloring my tone.

"Because I wasn't there to protect you," he looked down at the bed, "and if I wouldn't have told you to quit, this wouldn't have happened."

"No, no, no, no… don't you dare! This is not your fault Jasper!" I nearly shouted at him.

He look up at me with so much sadness in his eyes, I felt my heart break. He didn't say anything as he looked at Edward, clearly having a silent conversation with him. Edward nodded and immediately, Jasper was lying next to me in the bed holding me in his arms as he kissed my temple.

"Should I get Charlie now?" Carlisle asked. I looked over at him forgetting that he was here too. Strange how when Jasper's around all I see, feel and think is him.

I took a deep breath and nodded. I watched as Carlisle and Edward left to get Charlie.

"It'll be okay. I'll protect you," Jasper whispered. I shivered as his lips brushed past my ear. I felt my body relax at his promise, more so then it had at his touch.

"I love you," I whispered.

He kissed my ear. "I love you."

Edward led the officer in. Chief Charlie Swan. Carlisle was right; Charlie was a very kind man. To help calm me down enough to talk freely, he told me stories about his daughter Bella. She sounded like someone I could be friends with, but rather accident prone. It was nice of him to make me feel comfortable. Even Jasper seemed to like him, regardless of his 'no cops' rule.

Finally I was able to tell him the truth. The truth was I don't remember much of what happened. I remember the first hit as well as the knee into my side. But everything else was fuzzy.

Jasper wasn't taking it very well. He buried his face in my hair as he held me as tight as my injuries would allow. With each question I hesitated on, he would whisper that he loved me and it was okay, that I was safe now.

Edward, with my permission, went on to explain my injuries to Charlie and Jasper. I apparently suffered a minor concussion, a fracture in two ribs, as well as my left cheek. I felt Jasper try to let go of me when Edward explained the fractured ribs. I looked at him as I growled no at him. He smiled sadly and wrapped his arms around me again.

Once Charlie was done with his questions he gave us his card along with the number for the report, Edward started going over injury care. I tuned most of it out especially when he told us he recommended that I refrain from strenuous activity for at least a week. The low growl I felt rumble through Jasper let me know that he caught what Edward was implying.

Edward signed the paperwork to discharge me. Giving Jasper the prescription information he'd called into Walgreens, I was free to go home. The ride home was quiet, but I could see Jasper looking at me every now and then. I wondered what he was thinking. A part of me worried if he was thinking of ways to end everything, end us.

After picking up the medication and arriving home, I wanted nothing more than to take a shower. As we walked through the foyer, I stepped out of my shoes and kicked them to the side so Jasper wouldn't trip on them. I should have just walked to the bedroom and taken them off, but I was on a mission to wash what was left of this day and Felix off me.

As I headed towards the bathroom, I heard Jasper ask me something but I was so lost in my own muddled thoughts that I didn't hear what he said as I pulled my shirt over my head. By the time I reached the bathroom all I had left of my clothing, was my bra, panties and socks.

Before I knew it I was standing in front of the mirror looking at the damage that was done to my body. I could hear the water filling the tub, but I couldn't look away. Ironic, how I had always heard the expression 'it's like a train wreck but you can't look away', and never knew how that could apply to something. But now, staring at my swollen and bruised face, I see it. I was the fucking train wreck.

I quickly got out the rest of my clothes, shut the water off and climbed into the tub. As I leaned back, I closed my eyes thinking of everything that led me to today.

I'll never blame Jasper for this. This was not his fault and I knew that I needed to prove that him. If anyone's to blame, it was me. I didn't have to leave when my mom told me to. I could have stayed.

_But then you wouldn't have met Jasper._

True, but I didn't have to start working with Jenny. I could have lived in the shelter. I could get over their belief that God had bigger plans.

_Again, you wouldn't have met Jasper._

Right, because the fucked up thing is, I _owe_ Felix for what I have with Jasper. Without that rat bastard I wouldn't have had the money to go in the restaurant in the first place. Funny how the one person that ruined things is the one I should be thanking.

I placed my hands one the either edge of the tub as I braced myself to go under water. The hot water stung my face but at the same time it was a great feeling. I felt someone touch my left hand, causing me to shoot up out of the water.

Jasper stood there smirking at me. I laughed at his expression as I pushed the wet hair off my face, wincing when it tugged on the sore spots.

"Hey," I said as I rested my head on the lip of the tub.

"Hey," he said his voice deep and husky.

"Sorry about striping in the apartment, I'll collect them when I'm done in here," _and burn them,_ I said hoping to change the subject.

"I got them in the wash for you already, so don't worry about it," he assured me with a small smile. "Does it feel good?" He asked nodding his head in the direction of the tub.

I nodded, silently answering his question about the bath. "Thanks," I said as I brought my knees up to hug them. I rested my right cheek on my knees to look at him. He was rubbing the back of his neck, as if he was nervous.

"Umm... can I join you?" he asked timidly. I wanted to laugh and say of course, but at the same time I didn't want to push things.

"Sure, if you want."

I watched as he quickly removed his tank top, pants and boxers. He paused for a moment looking at his cast, before reaching into the medicine cabinet and pulling out some pills. I watched as he quickly popped some in his mouth and then he began to slide his hand out of the cast.

My eyes danced around his body taking in his perfection. I could feel the corners of my lips twitch, wanting to smile at the thought that he was mine.

_But you don't know that. This could all end tonight._

Carefully he joined me in the tub, sitting behind me so that I was in between his legs. He gently wrapped his arms around my waist. As I let go of my knees, he pulled me back to lean against his chest.

"I'm really sorry this happened to you, Ali baby." I smiled at the use of two knick-names.

I sighed and shrugged. "I should have listened to Jenny and had Caius come with me."

I felt him rest his chin on my head and was amazed, that while I was in his arms, it seemed like nothing hurt.

"Don't blame yourself for this. Please." He begged me. How could I not? I knew Felix had a temper. I felt him pushing gently on my back to get me to lean forward, and then I felt him softly scrub my back. I smiled as I brought my knees up again, hugging them for support.

"But it is Jasper. I mean, I lied to Jenny and told her he stopped and then I told them I could handle him," I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm sorry Jasper," I whispered. I should have told him what I was gonna do today. I should have waited until he came with me. Or at least, I should have used the protection that was offered.

He sighed, "Don't be sorry Alice. I know you feel bad, it's intense, okay." He gently lifted my hair as he cleaned off my neck, leaving gentle kisses on the newly cleaned area.

"I know you blame yourself. I saw it in your eyes. Please don't okay?"

He chuckled as he began to wash my shoulders. "Okay, kitten." He paused for a moment, thinking something over. "I made you Spaghetti O's with hamburger. I know it kind of sucks, but I lived off it before you." His way of defending his culinary skills always made me smile.

'Thank you. Spaghetti O's are better when you add hamburger," I agreed while laughing. "I used to make mini meatballs for them. But no offense I'm not really hungry..."

"I figured," he said softly, "but you need to eat something so you can take the stuff Ed prescribed." He pulled me back to his chest as his hands began to rub my arms, leaving a trail of soapy bubbles in their wake.

"'Kay."

His hands worked their way down to mine. Resting his palms on the top of them, he laced his fingers with mine. "I love you Mary Alice, so very much."

With that statement I knew everything was going to be okay. He didn't blame me for what happened and he wasn't going to leave me. He was mine, like I was his.

He brought my hands together with his and rubbed them together, creating a massive amount of bubbles. I smiled as he put his chin on my shoulder and moved our thumbs and forefingers to make a triangle, blowing a large bubble. I laughed at his playfulness as he kissed the crook of my neck.

"I love you too Jasper Cullen."

He dunked my hands into the water, rinsing them off. Then he rinsed my arms, before hugging me to him again. "Ali baby, when do you turn seventeen?" he asked while kissing my neck again.

"July fourth, why?"

"You're a firecracker?" I rolled my eyes as I imagined him smirking.

"Something like that."

His hands wandered to my chest were he gently palmed my breast. "It explains a lot." he said while laughing.

Quickly I put my hands on his, making him stop. "I'm sorry, I can't tonight," I said, chewing on the inside of my lip, waiting for him to get angry.

"I know darlin'." He said reassuringly. "I just like to touch you." He moved his hands to my knees and sighed, "Unless you don't want me too, I can stop." Oh God, how could he think I didn't want him too? I just didn't want him to think I was going to be able to do more.

"No, I don't mind you touching me. I just didn't want you to think I don't want you. I do. I just don't think I can take things to that level tonight is all." I tried to explain to him as I picked up his hand. I ran my finger along the life line of his palm before kissing it. "I love it when you touch me Jasper, always."

"That's fine, after all I can't be having 'strenuous'," he said using finger quotes making me laugh. "Activities with you." He guided me to turn my body so that I was facing him. He took my hand and placed it on his chest just over his heart, "Even if you never wanted me to touch you or have sex with you again, you'd still be in here. I'll love you always Alice."

I felt my face stretch into a wide grin, matching his. "Are you trying to make me cry?" I teased as I brushed away the shaggy blonde curls that had fallen into his eyes. "I love you always Jasper," I placed my hand on his cheek. "As crazy as we sound, I don't doubt it at all." It was crazy to be this in love with someone, but I didn't doubt it. How could I?

"No," he said tilting his head, "I've just never felt for anyone the way I feel for you." He said honestly as he gently brushed his lips against mine. Such a simple and soft kiss spoke volumes to me. "I know it'll never go away."

I kissed him again, hoping to find something to say in response but I was at a loss. So I opted to change the subject. "Wanna wash my hair?" I asked giving him a half smile.

He nodded, "Let me wash your feet while you're like this first."

I laughed as I sat back some straightening my legs for him. "Okay," I smiled.

Rather than using the wash cloth, he used his hands, massaging my foot and ankle. I had to bite back a moan at the feeling of the massage. When he was done with the first, he rinsed it and placed a kiss on top, making me giggle, before starting the next one.

"I think he was just mad about missing out on a fine piece of ass," he said suddenly. My eyes flew up to his. He smirked at me, telling me that he was playing, but I chose to keep quiet.

_That and now he has to ask his wife to suck him off and hit her just so he can cum_, I thought bitterly.

Jasper bit his lip as his soapy hands rubbed along my calf and thigh. He started tickling the underside of my thigh. "But you're my piece of ass, huh?" he asked.

I laughed as I playfully slapped his hand away to stop the torture. "Yep, only yours."

I watched him as he washed my legs. He had a look of deep concentration as he worked my legs with the lather from the soap that I found absolutely sexy to watch. When he was done he motioned with his hand for me to turn around, then he held his hand out to help me.

Once I was situated between his legs again, Jasper began the process of washing my hair. "Does that feel okay?" he asked as he gently massaged the shampoo in.

I hummed in appreciation for the feeling of him massaging my scalp "Yep," I answered as he chuckled. "You never said why you wanted to know my birthday."

"I wanna do something special for you." He said as he gently brought my head back to rinse my hair. I held on to the sides of the tub and looked into his eyes.

"Babe, you don't have to."

"I know I don't _have_ to, I want to." He said firmly, helping me to sit back up so he could do the conditioner.

"There's no way I'm gonna win this discussion is there?"

"No." I could hear the smugness in his voice, "But, I might be able to get you out of a birthday party thrown by Esme." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled at the mention of Esme. She was always so kind to me and I already loved her like she was my own mother. "If it meant a lot to her I would go. When's your birthday?"

"I was born during a blizzard in Texas, on December twelfth... I was a problem child from day one."

"Well, you're my problem now huh?" I smirked at how we both could have knick-names from our birthdays.

"Yep." He answered as he kissed my neck, before placing my hands on the sides of the tub again. I scooted down so he could rinse my hair again. "I'll be twenty two." He added. I knew that. He told me he was twenty-one the first time we went to his parent's house.

"'Kay."

"Does that bother you?" he asked.

"Nope." I chirped, popping the p. "Just thinking of party ideas," I teased, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Oh no you don't," he chided with a southern drawl. "No parties for me."

I laughed, sitting back up and leaning against him. "Don't you use that accent against me! I will have a party for you and you'll love it!"

"Are you gonna make me?"

"Nope, I know what you like and trust me, you're gonna love it." I teased

"Hmm..." he wrapped his arms around me again. "Wanna tell me some of your plans?" He asked using his accent again.

_Damn him!_

"And ruin the surprise? Nope, gonna have to wait until December."

"Don't throw me an orgy coz it seems that you think the only thing I like is sex."

_What the hell did that mean? _

He kissed my neck, nipping at it playfully making me giggle. "Nope, no orgies." Not like I would willingly share what's mine.

He put his chin on my shoulder. "You, me, nice music, dancing, and sex in front of the fire?" he whispered before licking my ear.

I grinned, now knowing exactly what he wanted. "Maybe," I teased.

"Is it my birthday yet?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

I laughed, "No but I am getting cold, and I look like a prune," I whined looking at my hands.

"I know, me too... but I was having fun with you..." I could hear him pout as he pulled the chain to the drain plug with his foot.

"I was having fun too. It's not like this is the only bath we're gonna take together," I said hopefully.

"I feel like I'm invading on your personal space when I'm in here with you," he said with such honesty I couldn't help but laugh.

Unfortunately I wound up snorting in the process. "That's just silly my love."

Jasper shrugged as he pulled himself out of the tub. I watched as he quickly wrapped a towel around his waist, dried off his hand and slid his cast back on. Then he reached for another towel and held it open. "Come on before you get all hypothermic."

I got out and held my arms up expecting him to just wrap the towel around me. Instead he dried me from head to toe then wrapped another towel around me. I smiled at him the whole time. He was the unintentional romantic and I love it.

When he was done, he scooped me up into his arms again, carrying me bridal style to the bedroom. He gently set me on the bed. He'd laid one of his tank tops out for me, I smiled and snatched it up, putting it on as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

Once I was dressed, I crawled up to the head of the bed and leaned against the headboard. He came over and tucked me in, placing a kiss on my forehead, a gentle kiss on the stitches above my left eyebrow, before kissing me on the lips.

When he came back to the room, he was carrying the tray he bought when I was sick. I laughed as he set it down on the foot of the bed and unfolded the napkin into my lap. After laying the tray across my lap, he climbed into bed with me, where we enjoyed Spaghetti O's together.

--------------------------

The first week of my recovery went smoothly. The roughest part was when Jasper had to go to work. I could tell he didn't want to leave me, but I told him I would be fine on my own. And I was, even with him calling me to make sure I took my meds, or to see how I was feeling.

That following Monday, Edward stopped by with some leftovers from family dinner. Jasper had to work closing that night, so we were unable to go. It was nice having Edward around, not many people could say their boyfriend's brother was a doctor you see weekly for free.

But not just that, he was actually a pretty cool guy. When he picked me up on Wednesday to go grocery shopping he 'educated' me on the finer points of music. He also brought some new art supplies for me, telling me that Esme insisted I have them. Although, I had a sneaky suspicion they were from him, when his cheeks tinted pink

Even though I hadn't had a headache in over a week, everyone still asked. Made me want to scream at times, but I understood why.

It was Friday and Jasper was supposed to work the breakfast shift. When the alarm went off he didn't bother with it. I crawled over him, slapping the obnoxious thing off. When I settled back next to him and placed my hand to his face I knew something was wrong. He was cold but his face was sweaty.

"Jasper," I shook his shoulders. He groaned at me, telling me he didn't want to do his physics exam. "Jazzy, please wake up." I begged, shaking him harder.

His beautiful green eyes opened slowly. He looked confused for a moment then smiled when his sleep filled eyes found me.

"Mornin' darlin'," he drawled out.

"Babe, are you okay?" I brushed his sweaty hair from his forehead. His smile fell as he thought about what I asked him. Slowly he shook his head.

"I don't feel good," he said softly. I kissed his forehead before climbing out of the bed.

"Where you goin'?" He asked confused.

"You work with Larry today, right?" He nodded. "Well, I'm gonna call Larry at work and tell him that you're sick. And you are going to go back to sleep." I was out of the room before he could protest.

When I called Larry, he had me worried. The way he asked about Jasper, it was like he knew what was wrong but he wouldn't tell me; a fact that pissed me off and scared me even more.

I brought in the trash can from the bathroom for Jasper just in case he needed it and then I crawled back into bed with him.

He looked like he was in pain as I laid my head on the pillow next to him. I didn't like it at all and I was scared. I gently ran my fingers through his hair, trying to sooth him some so he could have a decent sleep and recover.

I kissed his temple. "Don't worry Jazzy, I'll take care of you," I whispered before falling back to sleep.

I was awoken by the sound of something crashing in the living room. I looked to my right and Jasper wasn't in bed.

_Oh God!_

I quickly launched myself out of bed and ran towards the noise. The coffee table was turned over but no Jasper. Then I heard him in the bathroom.

"Jazzy?" I braced myself in the door way as I felt the wind knocked out of me. Jasper was lying on the floor, coughing and shaking.

"Jasper!" I rushed to his side, "Babe, are you okay?"

_Of course he's not fucking okay, stupid!_

"It hurts Ali," he whispered weakly.

"What babe, what hurts?" I asked. He quickly got up and started dry heaving into the toilet.

"That's it! I'm calling Ed." I said standing up.

"No!" He all but shouted. I spun around to look at him.

"What do you mean no Jasper? You're sick and in pain and I don't know what to do." I tried to keep the tears from falling as I admitted that I didn't know how to help him.

"Just… Please… Larry." he panted.

"You want me to call Larry?" He nodded before dry heaving again. I ran to the kitchen and quickly scanned the list of numbers Jasper left for me. After finding Larry's number, I dialed it praying that he was home.

Larry picked up on the third ring and after I told him that Jasper said to call, he simply said that he'd be here in twenty then hung up. It was like he was expecting my call.

I went back to Jasper and pulled his head into my lap. I sat there, running my fingers through his hair and hummed a song I heard on the radio the other day. His eyes were closed and I could tell he was still in pain, but he would still smile at me none the less.

Twenty minutes later, I heard the door creak open. Jasper's eyes flew open and he looked at me.

"Jay? Alice?" I heard Larry call out.

"Bathroom!" I looked back down at Jasper and tried to smile at him.

"I told you to keep the door locked." I know he was trying to scold me, but I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry, I just can't leave you." I explained kissing his forehead.

Larry came in and took one look at us and shook his head. I watched him as he started to pull things out of his bag. He left the bathroom, muttering something about he told Jasper this would happen. I looked at the counter again not really registering what was there until, I looked down at him.

Jasper was watching me this whole time. I bit my lip hard to keep from crying when I heard a drawer in the kitchen slam. I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. Jasper hadn't had his fix in a while. But why? Why did he put himself through this?

"Oh Jazzy." I said softly, as I pressed my lips to his forehead.

"I'm sorry Alice." He whispered. The defeated tone in his voice, as well as those three words was enough to break the dam holding back my tears.

"It's okay Jazzy," I said softly, brushing my fingers along his cheek. "I just want you better okay?"

**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

He licked his lips and nodded slightly. Just then, Larry came back in. I watched as he set the rest of the stuff on the counter and picked up the rock of meth, placing it in the spoon. He took one look at me before raising an eyebrow at Jasper.

"You want her in here to see this Jay man?" he asked.

"No." Jasper groaned out.

"Fuck that, I'm not leaving." I snapped.

Larry shook his head. "Believe me baby face you don't want to see this."

"I'm not leaving him Larry," I practically growled out at him. Jasper reached up, gently rubbing his thumb across my lips. I smiled at his touch.

Larry pulled a lighter out of his pocket. He quickly lit it and held it under the spoon. He looked at me quickly. "You don't have to leave the apartment, just the damn room. He don't want you to see."

"I can't okay. He needs me." I begged for Larry to understand. I knew the tears that were falling probably weren't helping my cause but I needed to be here for Jasper. I wasn't going to let this take me away from him.

"Ali, kitten?" I looked down at Jasper. He rubbed his thumb across my lips again.

"Yeah Jazzy?"

"Kiss me." He said his voice so weak it scared me. I leaned down, brushing my lips to his. I nibbled on his top lip as he sucked on my bottom one. He pulled away before it could go farther. "Please, Ali, please, I don't want you to see this, I'll be better in a few okay?" He begged.

The force of everything happening finally came crashing down on me. Even though I'd been crying it had be silent tears. But now I was fighting back the sobs as I put my forehead to his.

"I love you Jasper." I whispered.

He cupped my cheek, kissing me once more. "I love you Alice and I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough."

_He did this for me?_

"It's okay. It'll be okay, I promise." I wasn't sure if I was trying to reassure him or myself as I gave him another kiss. I could hear the sound of the spoon against the counter, but I was too busy trying to make sure Jasper was okay. I quickly grabbed a towel and balled it into a pillow for Jasper.

"Alice…" Larry warned.

"Fucking hell! I'm going!" I snapped. Jasper made a noise that sounded like a weak chuckle as I got up. Once I was up, I quickly made my way out, stopping just outside the door, where they couldn't see me. I felt my knees give out as I braced myself against the wall.

"Fuck Kitten," I heard Larry laugh. "Jay man, you got a tigress." He said in a way that I'm sure was supposed to be teasing, just before the door slammed shut. I slid down the wall hugging my knees to me as I cried, waiting for my Jasper to come back.

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Translations (loosely and based off bablefish(dot)com):

_Buon pomeriggio_ = Good Afternoon

_Bello molto buon_ = Very good beautiful

_Protezione_ = Protection

_bastardo's_ = bastard

_Avvitilo_ = Screw you

_Qui viene angelo_ = Here he comes Angel

Links to Jasper and Alice's tats are on the profile and the song Alice was humming to Jasper was the chorus to Beyonce's 'Halo'.

You know the drill; leave us the love or the fuel to our writing fire ;-)


	13. Debauchery

**Disclaimer: Highsper is ours, Twilight is Stephanie Meyers. Yep.**

**A/N: Robs: Warnings for this chapter, drug use, rape, Maria, get your tissues...** This was the hardest chapter I have had to write yet... So I hope y'all like it.

**K:** Yeah everything Robs said... this chapter's tough so if you need liquid courage get it... we'll wait... **hums Jepordy theme** Okay you back? Good... enjoy :D

**Special thanks to Amber, our fuckawesome beta, Sara, K, Mal and Emmy for getting me out of my funk after writing this chapter. I love you girls!**

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**12. Debauchery.**

_Tyler Durden: Where'd you go, psycho boy? _

_Narrator: I felt like destroying something beautiful. _

_-Fight Club._

I awoke with a start. It was dark still, almost black, but I could make out the figure of little Alice in my arms. She made me happy, like jumping off the roof and learning you really can fly happy. It had been a month since I tried to withstand my addiction. At first pot was helping curb my cravings but then I had nothing to help me and I felt like I was dying. Alice was so sweet during that time, I felt bad letting her see me like that. I knew she was worried.

Since then I made sure to not push myself, I felt hopeless though. There was nothing I could do to kick the habit, at least when I was high I didn't give a fuck. I was definitely the white rabbit, leading Alice through wonderland as I did increasingly stranger things in front of her, of course while I was doing them it never felt odd, only self reflection and recognition made me really realize how strange the things I was doing were.

I was seeing Carlisle on a regular basis, but for some reason I couldn't tell him about my sordid situation. I learned from rehab the first step of recovery is recognizing you have a problem.

_Well, I have a problem, I am admitting it to myself. I need help, I am also admitting that to myself. So why is it I cannot admit it to anyone else? _

Because then I'd be showing weakness. I cannot do this on my own, I realize that, but I don't want anyone else to do this for me. I want to stop, but I can't admit to myself that really and truly I cannot.

Today is July first, in three short days my little Alice will be another year older. I don't know why it didn't hit me till now but, shouldn't she be in school? Not right now because I realize, it's summer and school is out, but in general.

_She's a runaway. _I reminded myself. We had slipped into such a comfortable routine with each other that I had forgotten our roles for a moment. I was the addict in need of love and she was a runaway in need of a home. I felt her love though, she loved me. It was quite possibly the purest thing I had ever felt. Alice's love was addictive and the way she served it was pure pleasure.

I kissed Alice's neck gently, then rolled carefully away from her and grabbed my piece from the drawer. Today was the day I was getting my cast off, and I couldn't be more excited, I was done with this damn thing impeding upon my life.

I smiled as I looked at Alice, lying naked and wrapped in my sheets. Two and a half months ago if someone had told me that I'd soon, not only have a young lady sharing my bed, but I'd also be in love with said lady, I would have told them they were out of their head. But here I am, in love, and sharing a bed with my little sex kitten.

I walked into my bathroom and shut the door. As I considered this, I stuffed the pipe with the KB and took a hit, I held my breath for a minute and upon release I did it again. When I was sufficiently stoned I turned on the shower and got under the spray, thinking about my little Alice, the things I had to do today and of course, as it was never truly far from my thoughts, my next high.

After going to get the cast removed at my father's clinic next to the hospital, I planned on searching for the perfect gift for Alice and then scoring a few rocks from Larry. Shit was expensive, but at least I was being faithful to Alice, I knew she appreciated that shit.

I had this feeling in my stomach though, that things weren't alright. I kept looking over my shoulder and wondering when my own personal Medusa would pop up and completely ruin me again. She had a habit of doing that. I wonder if she was like the wicked witch of the west, with her crystal ball and flying monkeys. She knew where I was and what I was doing. Anytime I started to get happy she would be there to shove my face in the dirt and show me where I belonged.

After washing the smell of sweat and sex off me, not that I really minded the smell of Alice's sex, just you know, not into seeing my father figure smelling like that, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist, then used another one to dry my hair. I needed another haircut, but I knew my little sex kitten liked to pull it and play with it, so I was keeping it long.

With my towel still around my waist I walked back to the bedroom, my intent was to find some clothes, but when I saw Alice laying there, all naked and innocent looking wrapped in my sheet. Well, I just couldn't help myself. I walked up to her and ran my hand gently up her arm to her shoulder, my fingertips lightly touching her silky skin.

I leaned over and kissed her neck gently, make her moan a little in her sleep. As hard as I tried not to, dirty images from last night flooded my brain and my towel was now hardly covering my raging hard-on. Figuring what the hell, I flung the towel off and climbed into bed with my love.

I pulled the sheet so I was under it too and right up against her, pushing her hair back so I could kiss her neck. "Morning Jazzy." Her voice slightly filled with sleep and happiness.

_Sunshine, my only sunshine... _I smiled against her skin.

"Good Mornin' Kitten." I whispered huskily in her ear. She pushed back into me and I swear to Christ, rubbed her ass against my cock. Good to know she knows what I want. My hand wandered down her stomach, tracing absentminded patterns on her skin.

"How long till you have to leave?" She asked in a huskier tone than what she woke up with.

_Mmm my kitten. _I kissed her neck up to her ear.

"I got a good forty-five minutes." I whispered into her ear before kissing the spot right in front of it, she rolled so she was on her back and looking up at me; I scanned her naked body under the sheet. She had gained weight since I took her in, and she never looked better in my opinion. I squeezed one of her full pert tits in my hand as I gave her a half smile.

"Plenty of time," she told me, smirking and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I moved myself between her beautiful thighs and let her kiss me gently. As much as I loved kissing her I loved it even more to know that she wanted to kiss me as well. I deepened the kiss, pushing her lightly into the bed.

My body was filling with lust and suddenly nothing else mattered, nothing but the young woman below me. I rolled my hips into her pelvis and earned a moan that broke our kiss. I moved my lips to her jaw and lightly traced along it till I got to her ear, I took her earlobe between my teeth and sucked roughly while I rolled her nipples between my fingers.

I flattened my good hand against her breast, her stiffened nipple brushing against the palm of my hand as I continued gyrating my hips into hers causing a low moan from the back of her throat. I could listen to her all day.

"Are you ready for me kitten?" I whispered huskily.

"Yes, Jazzy." She whispered back turning my head with her hands so she could kiss me, I arched my back and gradually pushed into my heaven, breaking our kiss so I could try to remember how to breathe and control my actions as I slowly sheathed myself in her tight warmth.

I moved my lips to her ear again, groping one of her full tits in my good hand and grabbing the opposite thigh as best as I could with the other. "You little minx, your pussy is so hot and wet, you wanted this didn't you?" I growled into her ear as I pulled out quickly and drove in forcefully. She moaned loudly and nodded her head in response, her nails digging into my upper back. I love that shit. I continued my thrusts, fast and hard, making her gasp and cry out in pleasure as I grunted into her neck.

"You like it hard, baby?" I managed to get out between pants. She squeaked and nodded, panting like she was running, her hips meeting my long thrusts, her nails digging into my shoulder blades.

"Harder." She growled, and I complied, pulling almost all the way out and thrusting in till I was completely buried, over and over, I could feel her tighten around my dick and knew she was close. I continued my pace, panting curse words as she moaned and writhed. I pulled her leg up around my waist by the knee and felt her spasm around me, her head falling back and her back arching, crying out my name in her angel like voice. The sight combined with the feel of her around my dick sent me over the edge as well, moaning into her throat.

After resting there for a minute, catching my breath and thinking over what I just did, I laughed. My body shaking as I held Alice to me.

_So much for washing the smell of sex off me. _

_Fuck it, he knows what we do, why shouldn't I wear her scent proudly. _My little kitten looked at me with a smirk on her face.

"What's so funny?" She asked, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"I'm gonna smell like pussy all day." I told her honestly while chuckling. She wrinkled her nose at me, I knew by that look she was slightly insulted. "I like smelling like sex with you... I just think my dad might look at me funny." I shrugged all the humor in it was gone now. "I dunno it was a funny thought."

She smiled, pulling me down a little to brush her lips against mine. "He's a doctor... I'm sure he's smelled worse."

"Baby it don't smell bad, I quite like it." I informed her while running my lips up her neck. "Just, he's my dad." I kissed the strawberry like hickey that was almost permanently behind her ear.

"I know babe." Her voice thick with restraint, she was trying not to moan. Her neck is my pathway to heaven on earth. I felt my dick twitch inside of her, if I didn't go now I would fuck her again and I knew it. I let out a long sigh, time to be responsible.

_When the fuck did that happen?_

"Alright unless you want round two and I wanna be late I better get dressed."

She nodded, "We can have round two and three when you get home." She told me with a smirk.

I felt like my face was going to burst with how hard I smiled at her, "I love you." I leaned down and kissed her gently.

She smiled up at me, her eyes twinkling, "I love you."

I kissed her once more before pushing myself into a sitting position and climbed out of bed, "So what are you planning for the day Kitten?"

I heard the rustling sounds of her moving in bed as I made my way to the closet. "I don't know. Maybe go and bug Ms. Conty for a while to see if I can score us some of her blueberry pastries." I could hear the grin in her voice.

I found a pair of black boxers in my dresser and pulled out a white tank, yeah I know these are usually called wife beaters, but I would never hit my wife. I looked over at Alice and smiled, especially if it were my kitten. I pushed my legs through the holes and pulled the boxers on before pulling the tank over my head. "That sounds good. What are you making for dinner?"

I watched as she brought her shoulders up to her ears, "What do you want for dinner?"

I winked and chuckled a little, she walked into this one, "You."

She snorted a little at me, "What If I'm not on the menu?" I gave her a half smile as I pulled a black button up from the closet, I carefully put my arms into the sleeves, my left one getting caught up because of the damn cast and walked to the end of the bed as my little kitten crawled over to me, much to my pleasure, still very naked.

"I want steak actually." I informed her, blushing because that meant she would have to either go through a lot of trouble or she might end up cutting my steak for me like some toddler.

She grabbed the hem of my shirt and started to button my shirt starting with the bottom hole and working her way up slowly. "Well, I guess I can call your mom and ask her how she makes your steaks." She met my eyes and chewed her lip. "Are you sure?"

I nodded slowly not breaking the gaze from her lovely blue eyes, "I trust you." She gave me that gorgeous smile of hers as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"'Kay then, steak it is."

I looked down and traced circles into her abdominals, "And corn on the cob... I really like that stuff."

"Do you want garlic toast too?" She asked me happily before she kissed me firmly on the lips, my hand on her naked torso while the useless one practically screamed to touch her soft skin through the cast. I shook my head and grinned at her.

"Baked potatoes with broccoli and cheese on them." _The way Esme used to make them for me, _Alice giggled at my request.

"Yes sir!" She's so goddamned cute sometimes I just can't handle it. I cupped her cheek and gazed lovingly into her eyes, yeah this is the shit poems and books are made of. Fucking envy me bitches. I brushed my lips against hers gently, the electricity I felt getting an immediate response from my dick.

"I am gonna go look for a birthday present for you after 'kay baby. I won't be late though, I promise." I told her, my lips millimeters from hers before I kissed her a little more firmly.

"You don't have to get me anything Jazzy." She told me, breaking the kiss. I tilted my head, hers still held with both of mine as I brushed my good thumb along her bottom lip.

"I know. I want to though."

"I'll see you when you get home then." She leaned forward and kissed me with all the passion her little body could hold. The kiss both excited and scared me; she kissed me like she was never going to see me again. "I love you Jasper."

That made me grin, I opened my eyes and kissed the tip of her nose, "I love you Mary Alice."

She gave me a small smile, biting her lip in an earnest attempt to hold the grin I knew she was hiding. She pushed my stomach a little, her fingertips lingering on my lower ab muscles. "Go before I decide to keep you here and then you have to keep the cast on longer…" She trailed off seductively.

"I want my good hand back." I informed her with a smirk. She giggled at my insinuation before I strode out the door.

-----

I went to my father's practice with a bit of spring to my step, I think I must be losing my edge because suddenly women with small children are looking my way and smiling appreciatively. It was making me feel sexy as hell too, _thank you Alice. _I opened the door to the clinic gentlemanly for a few ladies and ran a hand through my hair, one blond didn't even bother trying to hide the fact she checked me out. I smirked at her.

_Don't you wish sweetheart? _I watched her eyes linger on my crotch. _And that is owned by my little sex kitten at home._

I walked up to the front desk and signed in, only to have my dad come out and get me a few minutes later. As we walked to the back he made me step on the scale, I waited for him to jot down a note while I looked around, bored.

"You've gained five pounds Jasper." He informed me, clapping me on the shoulder. I gave him a funny look as he led me to an exam room.

"Alice is making me eat when I am up." I told him sheepishly, he nodded a little checking my heart and blood pressure quickly. "I'm not getting high as much." I said, after a few minutes had passed without a word.

He looked up at me then as he grabbed the small saw he was going to use to cut the cast off. "Trying to quit?" He asked me as he turned it on.

"I tried, but I don't think I can." I told him, feeling ashamed.

"Well, this is better than the other times we've sent you to rehab. This time you actually want to get better."

"Wait, you wanna send me back there?" I asked him, feeling like I had just gotten slapped.

He nodded, "I think it would be the best way son. They have training to handle this kind of stuff, and as much as I want to help you, I am afraid I am no expert."

He finished cutting the cast off and tossed it into the trash can. I met his soft eyes and didn't turn away, "I don't want to leave Alice alone." He nodded his understanding.

"And she won't be. I am sure Esme would have no problem having her stay with us while you are taking care of your problem." He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a teary eyed smile, "I have missed you son."

I smiled back, not fully understanding what he meant by that, but feeling the depth of his words. "Let me have a few more days with her. Please?" I asked him, looking towards the ground.

"Because I know you want to do it this time I will, her birthday is coming up right?" I nodded, looking up at him, curious as to why he asked that. "Well, I'm sure Esme will want to do something special for Sunday night dinner, so you have to be around for that too. Enjoy her, Jasper; I have a feeling that this is going to be torture for both of you."

I swallowed hard at the thought of being separated from her and nodded again. _I can do this. I can do this, _I chanted in my head. For her I felt like I could do anything. He examined my hand as I did the same; it was considerably paler than the rest of my arm, fantastic.

------

After leaving the clinic I walked to the other side of town, enjoying the warm weather, in search of the perfect gift for my girl, something that would mean something to her. I passed by an art store and decided to go in and look around. I found a box of really nice colored pencils and remembered her bitching about wishing she had some for her drawings, I also picked up a leather backed sketchbook and paid for them at the register, leaving a slightly crazed looking store owner in my wake.

I remembered there was a Target nearby, so I walked in that direction, almost completely passing by a toy store, but something caught my eye in the window. At first I thought I was just seeing shit again, I was after all as a junkie, I see shit a lot. But this was really there. A purple and pink Cheshire cat was grinning at me in all his stuffed glory.

_Perfect. _I thought as I opened the door and requested the stuffed animal. The woman behind the counter got it down for me graciously and kept batting her eyes at me.

_What is it with women today? _

When I got to Target I walked immediately to the women's lingerie.

_What? My dad told me to enjoy her while I could, so I will be damned if that isn't exactly what I was going to do. _Then I decided to pick up a backpack so I didn't have to carry all these bags around like an idiot. Then went to the 'gift card' section and picked up a gift bag and that tissue paper stuff that goes inside and then I browsed birthday cards to find the perfect one, I smirked when I finally did.

Once I paid for my items, I shoved all my bags into the backpack and started to walk home.

That is when all hell broke loose.

Dusk was setting in and I was on the wrong side of town, I went over to Larry's first to score some shit and chatted with him a bit before deciding that I should head home for dinner and my girl. I needed crystal dick for all the things I planned on doing with her.

Then like out of a dream I saw her, or rather thought I did, being pulled down a dark alley by some big motherfucker. Enraged I followed.

"Don't scream little girl." He growled, as he shoved her into the brick wall. She glanced at me, her brown eyes wide, fearful, not Alice. But not Alice looked like something bad was going to happen to her, it took me a few moments to fully register what was going on.

I saw the lamp reflect off her tears, "Please." She sobbed. Whether to me or the man who had her pinned I wasn't sure, I took a careful step forward, trying to decide the best way to approach this fucker.

That's when I saw it. The glint. He was holding a knife to her throat and my entire body froze. I couldn't force myself forward anymore. Her bloodshot eyes locked with mine as I heard the rip of her clothing.

"Please." She sobbed a little louder.

That's when I knew, she was begging me to save her. _I ain't no hero ma'am, _I tried to tell her with my eyes. I heard him grunt and her scream. Then saw the glint from his knife again and I broke eye contact to look down on it. Blood was trickling down the blade from where the tip had barely sunk into her skin.

I looked back up at her, her body vibrated from the fierce movements and the tears streaming down her face as she mouthed 'please', over and over again.

_I'll try to help you. _I told her with my eyes, as I back up and started to run.

I didn't know where I was going until I was pounding on the whore's door. "Maria! Open the damn door!" I hollered. I heard the lock click and it opened; there was the harpy herself, standing with a hand on her hip like she had been expecting me. I shoved past her, "I need your phone." I ran into her roach infested kitchen and grabbed the phone that was hanging on the wall and dialed 911, after giving the operator all the information I knew and being reassured that they would help her, I hung up.

"You haven't been around lately J.J." She told me, crossing her arms in front of her. I glared at her.

"And I ain't around now. I was just using the phone." I told her in a bitter tone as I shoved my way past her to go head out the front door.

"Who's the bitch Jasper?" She asked me, her voice dripping with acid. I spun to face her.

"She's not a bitch; she's more of a woman than you'll ever be." I informed her, my eyes narrowing as I tried my best to keep my anger in check.

"Maybe I should pay her a visit," she said in a cool tone, pulling a knife from the chopping block on the counter, I took two big steps back. "See what a real woman is." She raised a well plucked eyebrow at me and sneered.

"Stay away from her." I growled.

"Maybe." She said in a calloused tone, fingering the point of the blade playfully. "If you give me what I want."

"What do you want?" I asked her, feeling defeated. I couldn't let her near Alice. Ever.

She ran her tongue along the blade before speaking, "I wanna play a game J.J." My lip trembling, I dropped the bag to the side and unbuttoned my shirt. Dropping that too on my bag as she smirked at me, I dared not to speak, fearing my voice would give me away. I unbuttoned my pants and let them drop to the floor, not breaking eye contact with the knife she held in her hand. I pulled my undershirt off and lay on the bed, fisting my hands and placing them near the posts of the headboard.

"See, I knew you'd understand." She whispered as she handcuffed me to the bed. I closed my eyes and prayed she couldn't see the tears that were threatening to fall. I needed something to give me strength and it popped into my head.

_Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me._

_------_

I walked home quickly after she was finished. Every breath I took burned and my body ached; dull stabbing pains reverberated through my body from a point by my hipbone. I didn't fucking care, my rocks were burning a hole in my pocket and I needed desperately to forget this whole day ever happened. I walked up the stairs and upon opening the door dropped the backpack on the floor in the foyer.

All I could think about was getting high, but my heart and body needed Alice. _Right, the fuck, now._ Still covered in sweat, blood still on my skin, I crawled into bed with my sleeping angel. I buried my face into her hair, letting the sobs that were raking my body finally come free.

_She doesn't love you! _Maria's voice rang through my head.

I kissed her neck. _She does, _a voice in my head weakly responded back.

"Jazzy? What time is it?" She asked me, her voice full of sleep.

"I dunno. I'm sorry I missed dinner." I tried to sound strong, but the sobs I couldn't hold back wrecked the strong image I was trying to reflect.

"Babe?" Her voice was full of concern as she rolled onto her back to face me, "What happened? Are you okay?" I couldn't tell her, I didn't even know where to begin, so I shook my head at her, the tears falling down my face in rivers. She cupped my cheek and ran her thumb along it to wipe away the falling tears, "It's okay Jazzy, you're home now." She whispered, kissing me gently. I kissed her back a little forcefully, eager for her comfort, her love. Her lips parted and I took advantage of that to deepen the kiss, our tongues moving together in an erotic dance. I broke the kiss once my heart was feeling lighter.

"I was just trying to help…" I stopped because the tears had started again as the day I just had flashed through my mind. She wrapped her arms around me to comfort me; I laid my head on her chest, the beating of her heart calming me down a little.

"Shhh love, it's okay. What happened?"

"This girl... she looked like you so I followed when this guy pulled her down an alley... And," My voice broke as I remembered how upset with the girl I had been, I didn't even step back to see the situation. I started crying once again, "He raped her, Alice." I told her in a small voice as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"Did you call the cops?" She asked me, her tone comforting.

I nodded my head a little before adding, "I used Maria's phone…"

"You did the best you could then babe, please don't be upset." She kissed the top of my head. Her voice was distant though. She was upset about Maria.

"I'm... I hate her Alice." I said angrily, my voice breaking.

"Did she hurt you?" Alice whispered, finally the damn broke. She said the exact thing Carlisle had once asked me. I sat up and turned on the bedside lamp before unbuttoning my shirt and pulling it off. I started to pull the undershirt off, gritting my teeth because it seemed to be stuck to me when she gasped, "Oh my god, babe you're bleeding! Stay right here." She told me in a firm voice as she jumped out of bed, her bare legs flying as she ran out of the room.

I tugged harder to pull the tank off and the pain was too intense as it ripped away from my skin. I screamed through my clenched teeth to try and ease the pain. She came back after I tossed the bloodied shirt to the floor, holding alcohol, cotton balls, and bandages. "That fucking bitch is so going to pay… thinks she can use the man I love like some goddamned pin cushion…" She muttered trailing off at the end.

_Oh god I really wish she wouldn't._

"Please Alice, stay away from her." I pleaded.

She looked up at me while climbing onto the bed and nodded. "For you, I will, but I know people you know…"She trailed off, I watched her as she poured a bit of the alcohol onto a cotton ball. "It's gonna sting okay?" I nodded, remembering the pain and clamped my teeth together in preparation. She broke my gaze to tend to the wound, touching the moistened cotton ball to it. I hissed a little, but tried to keep it to a minimum for her.

"I love you Alice. I tried…" A sudden stab of pain struck me and I sucked in breath through my teeth. "I tried to come home for dinner."

"I love you too Jasper and you know what, don't worry about it okay." She smiled at me, "I'm not mad at you." I felt so relieved; I gave Alice a shaky smile.

"I'm gonna go to rehab."

She started to put bandages on my wounds and watched as she chewed her lip. "Is that what you want?"

_Wait, I thought she'd be more excited about this. _

"I wanna get better for you... but uh... right now... I really…" _Shit, I am so screwed, how the fuck am I supposed to get clean when I can't stop thinking about it right now? _"I need to get high kitten."

She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the bandages, then moved up and kissed me, so tenderly, as if she thought I was going to break. "I want you to get better for yourself okay? Not because of me or because of your family. I love you no matter what." I stared at her a little confused, getting better for her is getting better for me. She pushed the hair that was hanging in my face behind my ear. "I support you in any choice you make and I understand Jasper. You've had one hell of a day." She said, giving me a sad smile.

I nodded, "I just wanted you to know…" I broke off to kiss her. "You gave me a reason to live." I cupped her cheeks and kissed her passionately, almost forgetting about my day with the comfort her lips brought me. _Almost. _"Um... go ahead and get some sleep Kitten, I'm just gonna…" I shrugged a little and used my head to motion towards the bedroom door. She nodded, understanding what I was meaning.

"Come back okay?" She chewed her lip nervously.

_Where did she think I was going to go? _

I nodded at her and gave her a small half-smile, "I always do, don't I?"

That got her to laugh as she crawled under the comforter, "Yep." She lay back on the bed, pushing her hands under the pillow. "I love you Jasper."

I crawled out of bed and smiled at her, "I love you Alice."

------

I walked into the bathroom to take a shower after wrapping my wounds in saran wrap. I cried once again as the hot water hit me, trying clean myself and calm myself down at the same time. I felt like such a girl, I just couldn't handle this shit anymore. I had no more tears left to shed as the water turned cold.

After drying myself thoroughly, I set up my pipe and lit my rock. I inhaled the vapors, the rush of good feeling hitting me slowly and got better with every hit I took. Soon, I wasn't thinking about my day anymore.

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**End Note: You know the drill, let us know what you think and review!**

**P.S. yeah we know this is early, we took a vote on twitter and Sara guilt tripped us. **


	14. Stand By Your Man

**Disclaimer: As much as we cling to all that is Jasper and Alice, we don't own them Stephanie Meyer does. We do however own the best readers/fans/friends in the fracking world!**

**K: **Kay, sing it with me now… Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday dear ALICE!!! Yes that's right ladies and peen, it's Jasper's favorite Kitten's big day, so what's in store? Will it be fluff for our dark pair? Or is it more tears… Also wanted to let you know we were nominated _again _but not only for our stories, someone nominated us for "Most likey to get published"!! *dies* Oh and uh, don't kill me?? *Runs*

**Robs**: Alright first I wanna say that we suck because we didn't do review responses, but in our defense we have been incredibly busy writing, doing things in RL, and, in my case, being sick. So thanks for the reviews to: Kayla, supercalifrag, Winter Ink, DreamOfSunshine, gebi, Marie-Ruth, Olivia, Deedlez01, LilBriarRoseMasochist, VoldieBeth, AliceinAngst, Kim, Jess, Regina or Mal, Anna, deltagirl74, Lucy Alyce, LovelyinLavender, Harlequinn Romance, redheadknits, dennycullenlutz, Conty, sleepsheep, Linds, Soofine11, mischief-maker1, thefilly, Frust-sheep, TabithaAbraham, lindsadair, luv4bunny, shopiholicpixie, Jaspersbrand, jennyfox247, marauder-fangirl, Alice, nami86, Quisler, Tori Scanga, litditgirl, and Dawn. I want to let everyone know that it amazes us how many people are behind us in writing this story and the support and love is amazing. We have the best readers in the world. We are simply floored that people think our writing is great enough to win awards or even be nominated for them. I mean, wow. Know that your support, love and reviews, questions, insights and occasional metaphor encourage us to write. We love it. We love you. Every single one of you. No effing joke.

Special thanks to our awesome beta AmberStar63, who loves us and our work unconditionally. We love her too, check out her fic In a New Direction, it's a bit of fluff that is great after the angst we got for you **;)**

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**Stand By Your Man**

_Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be reallyf hard; we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... Every day._

_-The Notebook_

After Jasper left, my day was the usual routine. Take my shower, make some breakfast, clean the kitchen and do the laundry. Even though there was nothing usual about today; I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was off.

I just shrugged it off, thinking maybe it was PMS or something. So when my 'chores' were done, I quickly grabbed Jasper's hoodie, slipped on my sneakers and ran down to the bakery.

I was in luck! Ms. Conty loved us, so she had a fresh batch of her huge blueberry muffins for me and Jasper, as well as some pans. She had just replaced them with new ones and thought I might like her old ones. I took one look at the large cake pan and felt my lip curl into a smile. I am so making Jasper chicken enchiladas one night.

After I took those up to the apartment, I called Esme and told her that I was interested in her steak recipe for Jasper.

She gushed over the fact that Jasper actually requested it. And kept saying how I was such a positive influence in his life. After I agreed to let her have a Cullen family birthday celebration for me that Sunday, she told me what to do to make the steaks and potatoes to perfection.

Sure enough, I was able to pull it off! I did a test cut on a piece of steak and the butter knife sliced it easily. Something that should have made me giddy didn't. I felt sick as I watched the knife slice the meat.

Suddenly out of nowhere, I was nauseous. Something was wrong.

Jasper didn't come home for dinner and the queasy feeling was getting stronger the longer he was gone. I tried to eat dinner without him, knowing he'd be upset if I didn't eat, but I just couldn't stomach it.

After putting dinner away and getting ready for bed, I laid down but the minute I did I was gasping for air and crying. I had no clue what was wrong with me, but I was scared. So I did the only thing I could.

I ran out to the living room to get my wallet. Tucked behind the pocket of my license was the folded up paper with almost girly hand writing on it. I ran to the kitchen, trying to get some air into my lungs as I dialed the number.

"'Ello?"

"Edward... I think I'm dying!" I said in a rush and I noticed my voice was getting higher in pitch.

"Um... Alice?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I squeaked out.

"Why do you think you're dying? What are your symptoms?"

_Damn it Edward! I don't need a damned doctor!_ I wanted to scream at him, but instead I started crying harder.

"Something's wrong, he's not home..." I started panting as my heart raced like I had just run a loop around the city. "He said he was just gonna see your dad and do some shopping but he's not home... I can't breathe."

"Alice. Please. Stop. Inhale. Hold for 5 seconds and exhale," Edward said calmly trying to get me to focus on his voice.

"No!" I shouted into the phone. "Edward, something's wrong with Jasper!"

"Okay," he said inhaling deeply. _What the hell_, I'm the one freaking out here, yet he can't fucking breathe! "He said he was gonna visit my dad and then go shopping and come home right?"

"Y-yes," I stuttered out.

"Stop panicking Alice." He instructed firmly. "How long has it been since he last got high."

Why does it always come down to the drugs with this family?!

_Because he's an addict Alice, they know more about his habits than you ever will._

"He would have called if he was with Larry, Edward." I said shortly. How's that for habits? Ever since he's tried to wean himself off the drugs, he'd call me if he needs to go to Larry's for a fix.

"What was he shopping for?" Edward asked.

"My birthday," I whispered, wiping the tears off my face.

"Ahh there we go," he said as if it was the simplest answer. "You know how crazy he is about getting you something perfect."

"What stores are open at nine? On a weekday?"

"This is a city Alice... most stores are open till about ten. Even the mall is."

"Ugh! You probably think I'm an idiot." Of course Jasper's probably going nuts in some stores panty section trying to find the perfect lace panties. I bit my lip at the image of him inspecting every pair.

"No I think it's..." he paused for a moment, "sweet you're worried that much about him..." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I hope someday I'll have a girl to worry that much about me."

"I'm sorry to bother you." I sniffled as I grabbed a paper towel for my nose. "Do you really think he's spent all day at some store cause of me?"

Edward chuckled into the phone, making me smile a little. "No, not cause of you, because _he_ wants to get something he thinks is perfect for you," he corrected.

"Thank you Edward. I'll uh call you tomorrow and let you know if he made it back okay... okay?"

"Be sure and do that and I promise... if he isn't back we'll conduct a manhunt okay?" I could hear the smile in his voice. I was a little angry that he wasn't taking this as seriously as I was, but he had a point. Jasper was always adamant about getting the perfect thing when it came to me.

"Kay," I agreed, "Night Edward."

"Sweet dreams Alice, be safe."

Somehow I'd managed to take Edward's advice and calmed down enough to sleep. When I woke up though, it was to find Jasper holding me as he shook. I don't ever recall, in the almost three months we've been together ever seeing him cry before. Sure, I'd seen him upset because of the knife thing, but to hear the sob escape his mouth as he apologized for missing dinner; that sent me into a panic.

What I saw was heart breaking. My strong, take on the world man was completely broken and lost. I didn't know what to do to make him better. So I did the only thing I could think of; I told him I loved him.

Normally, I would have been pissed that he went to Maria but I understood. He didn't go looking for sex or drugs, he went for help. Why he would ever seek her for help is beyond me, but I can't fault him for trying. The moment he told me he hated her and showed me the damage she had done to him… I wanted to find out where the sadistic whore lived and take one of Jasper's knives to her just to see how much she liked it when someone cut into her for fucking entertainment.

After I was able care for his wounds, he told me he wanted to get clean. I was beyond ecstatic that he was going to try, but I couldn't get rid of this feeling in my stomach that he was doing it for the wrong reasons. I wasn't lying when I said I would love him no matter what choice he made. But I sure as hell didn't want him to think that he had to do it for me.

He was with Larry today, a ritual of sorts. Even now, after everything I've seen, he tries to stay away when he's high but returns at night to help me sleep. Again, I don't blame him for anything. I just wish he wouldn't hide.

"At least he's not fucking someone on the side," I muttered as I slammed the refrigerator door.

"You're right, I'm not." I heard a soft chuckle from behind. I spun around and breathed a sigh of relief, it was just Edward. He had clearly just gotten off work, his tie was loose around his neck, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his ray-ban sunglasses rested on top of his mess of hair.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. "Bite me. I was referring to your brother." I held out my unopened Pepsi, offering it to him.

He shook his head and smirked, "No, Emmett knows better. Rose would lop-off his precious jewels if he even thought about anyone in that way."

"Not that brother," I huffed, pushing past him. "So what's up?"

"You didn't call. But seeing as you are in fact alive and functional, I take it Jay made it home okay?" He raised an eyebrow at me as he sat on the couch.

I shrugged, "I guess." I said as I popped the top of the soda. He cleared his throat to get my attention.

Again his eyebrow was raised, "_'I guess'_, isn't quite the answer one expects from 'he got home okay'."

I sighed and put my soda on the coffee table. "He made it home but he was far from okay... fucking Maria stabbed him... and he only went to her to use her phone Edward!" I groaned in frustration as I raked my hand through my hair. "My God! How fucked is that?! He tries to do the right thing by calling the cops and she fucking cuts him up like some fucking prized dinner ham!" I slapped my hands to my thighs, feeling all the anger and frustration I had come crashing out to Edward.

"And get this; he wants to go to rehab..." I shook my head, "I'm not mad about that, not in the slightest. But how can he say that when he's currently high as a kite and chilling with Larry?" I started to pace, watching him from the corner of my eye as he put his head in his hands.

"I don't know what to tell you Alice," he sighed. "I don't wanna make excuses for him, but maybe he just doesn't want to feel bad things? Maybe that's why he's getting high. Dad said he wanted to get help." Edward looked up at me, the look on his face making me stop in my tracks. "He's never asked for help before."

I sighed and plopped down on the couch next to him. I had never sat this close to him before. Sure we had started a friendship but I always kept myself at a distance, in case my suspicions of him liking me were true. But now, in the midst of my minor freak out about Jasper, Edward's presence was comforting in a way.

"I know he doesn't... Shit, I had to convince him to let me help him with his uniform when he busted his hand. I just... I'm scared. I mean he's tried to go to rehab before and from what I know of his particular addiction; even after rehab, he's still gonna want it you know? And with friends like Larry, it is always gonna be there..." I covered my face with my hands, pushing the heels of them into my eyes praying that I didn't cry in front of Edward. It was more than the relapse that scared me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burden your with my fears."

I heard him swallow loudly before he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in closer to comfort me. "He's never had a reason to try and stay clean before," he informed me.

"That's just it Edward, I don't want to be his reason... I want him to do it for him, because _he_ wants to be clean." If he got clean for me, who's to say that he won't blame me for it later? What if we don't last as long as I hoped we will? What happens then?

I looked up at him to see him chewing his lip. "Well, you may as well be waiting for him to die then," he gave me an apologetic smile then sighed. "I've never heard of an addict getting clean for themselves." He shrugged, "I guess it's possible."

I stood up quickly, making Edward look at me in shock. "I need to get out of here." I took a deep breath, trying to calm the over whelming fear that was building inside of me. "Any idea on what to do?"

"Um... well... we could go to a museum or something?" he suggested clearly flustered.

I wrinkled my nose, pretending to think it over. "Is that the best you got? You get to spend the afternoon with me and you suggest bones?" I watched his cheeks brighten as I mentioned spending time with me. _Oh man, he does like me. _I shook my head laughing, "We need to get you a girl."

His eyebrows furrowed together as the blush on his face moved from his neck to his ears.

"Well," I chewed on my cheek some. "Wanna go to the mall?"

"Sure," he said smiling. "I'd love to go to the mall with you."

I bit back the smile that was threatening to show, "Kay, let me get my wallet and leave a note for Jazzy incase he comes home before us."

He nodded as he stood up, "Sure thing."

------

Okay so going to the mall when you have no money officially sucks dick. And not in a good way either. I was getting depressed, seeing things I wanted but didn't have the money for. Seeing the couples there wasn't helping me any either.

I think Edward was picking up on my lack of enthusiasm for our current situation. He kept offering to buy things for me or to lend me the money; every time I would refuse I felt my resolve build in needing to get a job.

_You're a runaway dip-shit. You can't get a job._

_I can too! I just need to find something where people don't care about your past._

I groaned at myself for my internal bickering. How is that sane?!

Edward suggested going to See's Candies, stating that chocolate makes any girl feel better.

I raised an eyebrow at him, as he held the door of the store open. _And how would you know mister?_ I teased internally.

But he was right; it did make me feel better. He even passed it off saying that Jasper liked chocolate, so it was technically for him and me as he handed me the bag filled with an insane amount of candies.

We started to walk out of the store when his cell rang. He quietly excused himself to answer it and I wandered to a bench where another girl sat. I looked her over as she was consumed in her book. She had her feet tucked under her, her book splayed open across her lap as her right hand held the corner of the next page, just itching to turn it.

I smirked as I opened a box of chocolates. _Who reads a book at the mall?_

"Who stares at people that are reading at the mall?" She snarked back at me.

_Oh shit I said that out loud!?_

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude…" I popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth to shut myself up.

Her head tilted to the side some as she smiled at me. "It's okay. I guess it's not normal for a teenage girl to be reading in a place full of stores."

I held the box of chocolates to her. "Candy?"

She closed her book, keeping her right hand in the middle of it, no doubt marking her place. "Thanks." She reached over and grabbed a piece.

"I'm Alice and I don't normally intrude on ones solitude."

She laughed some, finishing her candy. "I'm Bella and you're not intruding." She held the book up and I noticed it was tattered. "I've read this enough times that I'm sure I know it verbatim."

I smiled at her. "So, you here alone?"

She nodded, "I'm meeting Charlie, my dad, for dinner later. And I work at Barnes and Nobles." She shrugged, "I just got off work so I figured I'd unwind. What about you?"

"I'm here with my boyfriend's brother. Apparently he thinks chocolate makes a woman feel better." I laughed offering her another piece and was glad to see her take it.

She laughed, "Your boyfriend or his brother?"

"Edward, he's the brother. I think he was right though. I feel better." She nodded at me. "So uh, you work at the book store huh? That's cool. Do you go to college around here?"

She shook her head, some of her brown hair failing from the clip that held it. "No, I'm actually getting ready for my senior year at Seattle Prep. What about you?" She asked as she folded the corner of the page down and put her book in her bag at her feet.

"I just moved here. So I'm not enrolled yet." I lied. "Seattle Prep huh? Private school?"

"No, it's a standard high school but focuses on getting you prepared for college. Like we have four majors there and depending on what you chose for the major, that's what your curriculum is based on." She explained. "And you have to wear a uniform which sucks because I hate skirts."

I laughed, "How can you hate skirts? I love them."

"Because I trip on air," she stated. I wrinkled my nose at her as she shook her head. "Seriously, I can't even talk on my phone and walk at the same time, it's very, very sad."

I laughed, "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"Trust me, it's bad."

We talked for a little more. I learned that she was an only child, her parents were divorced and she was originally from Arizona, or at least that's where she hails from in her heart. I told her a little about me and found that I really craved being able to talk to another girl.

I saw Edward head towards us, and I started to get up. "The brother is coming, so I think it's time for me to say goodbye." I said sadly. She looked up at me and I could see that she was saddened by it too. Strange how you meet some people and feel like they were meant to be more than just a stranger.

"Well let me give you my number," she suggested, holding her hand out. I chewed my lip.

"I don't have a pen or paper."

She smiled, her brown eyes amused, "Cell phone?" I shook my head and she nodded reaching into her bag pulling out a pen and her phone. She handed me her phone. "Are you a lefty or a righty?"

"Righty," I smirked as she took my left hand and wrote on it.

"If you want, you can put your number in my phone." She blushed, "I mean I understand if you don't want to."

I scoffed as I put Jasper's number in her phone. "Just let me call you first, cause I live with my boyfriend and I don't know if he'll be cool with me giving out his number." I explained as I handed it back.

She nodded and blushed again.

"What?" I asked.

She shook her head, "Nothing. I'll tell you when you call me." I laughed and nodded my head. I saw her eyes dart from me to someone behind me before she looked down.

I turned to see Edward standing behind me grinning. "Jesus, what is it with your family and being sneaky!" I teased.

He smirked at me. "Em is huge... for Jay or me to actually tackle him we had to be sneaky." He explained, before he looked at Bella and gave her a crooked smile. "Hello."

"Yeah well, you're a freak with how tall you are and add sneaky to that and well yeah." I laughed before nudging him. "You are now known as Freak Boy."

I looked back at Bella who was smiling shyly at Edward. "Hi," she said with a little wave.

"Oh! Duh, Edward Cullen, Meet Bella...." I trailed off realizing I didn't know her last name.

"Swan," she finished for me, her eyes locked on Edward.

_Swan, why was that familiar?_

"Don't hate me because you're short," he teased me then smirked, causing me to huff and roll my eyes at him. "Hello Bella Swan," he said as he held out his hand to her.

She carefully put her hand in his. "Hi Edward Cullen." I watched as his eyebrows furrowed when her hand touched his. He held it briefly and I noticed he pulled away slightly like he'd been burned.

He gave her a small smile before turning his attention to me. "We shouldn't worry Jay, Alice."

_What the hell? I left him a note before we left dork. _

I felt my eyebrow rise at him in question. "Uh, yeah...." I looked at Bella, who was looking at her hand. "It was nice to meet you." I smiled at her as she looked up at me, biting her lip.

"Yeah! Thanks for the chocolate." I nodded as she looked back at Edward. "Nice to meet you as well Edward." She said as she blushed some.

"Likewise I'm sure." He said rather curtly as he started to walk away.

I waved to Bella as I ran to catch up with Ed. I slid my left arm around his right. "So a pretty girl talks to you and turn in to mister grumpy pants?" I teased as I raised my eyebrow at him.

He looked straight ahead and clenched his jaw. "She wasn't pretty."

I snorted at him. Yes she was. She had pretty brown hair that curled slightly, a warm and inviting smile and deep brown eyes. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight," I teased as we exited the mall. "I'd hit that." I was taken aback by my own words. I shook my head, I guess I would.

He turned his head to give me a look like I'd sprouted a second head. "What has my brother done to you?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Whatever… I can appreciate the beauty of another woman. Admit it, you think she's pretty."

"And what would that do?"

"It would prove that you aren't going to join the priesthood like Jazzy thinks you are," I teased sticking my tongue out at him. "I know you like her Freak Boy, your eyes are darker."

"How do you know that isn't my feelings for you rearing their ugly head?" He retorted.

_Wait, did he…?_

I stopped walking pulling his arm to face me. "What?" I breathed.

He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at me nervously. "Um you're in love with my brother and stuff so I've been trying hard just to be a good friend to you, but I really like you Alice." He gave me an unsure smile. "In a way that would make sure I'm not joining the priesthood any time soon."

Jesus Christ. What the hell do you say to that? I mean, sure I suspected as much, but fuck. To actually have him admit it was different.

"Wow... I uh… Thank you for trying to be my friend... I uh, I hope I'm not making it to hard on you." I said as I dropped my hand from his arm. "And to answer your previous question, your eyes never gave away that to me, so I think the dark ice man you were just being is totally a reaction to you being attracted to Bella. Like I said... you're a man." I said hoping to return to the light heartedness we were just enjoying.

He started walking to the car faster. "Whatever. I don't want to talk about it, can we please just go."

I rolled my eyes and started walking after him. "You know, you're much more attractive when you aren't being an ass." I said to his back, only then did I find myself actually looking at the man he was.

_Oh shit this isn't good. I love Jasper. I know I do, but hell. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't fuck Edward._

"Like it would help if I were more attractive," he shot back.

_Way to fuck things up Mary Alice._

I sighed. "I'm sorry Edward..." I said as I looked down at the ground and headed for the Volvo.

I could hear him sigh. "No Alice, I'm sorry. I should've just let you believe whatever you wanted rather than tell you all that."

My head shot up to look at him. "So you'd rather lie to me?"

"Letting you believe what you want and not saying anything isn't lying."

"Whatever Edward, just take me home," I said sadly as I got into the car.

"No one can ever do anything to your standards can they?" He asked once he was in the car. "If I tell you it's wrong. If I don't, it's wrong." He said as he started the car. I looked out the window, not wanting to look at him. It's not that I was mad at him, I was just hurt cause this won't end good. I'll either lose Jasper, or lose a friend. Neither scenario is ideal to me. "Forget I ever said anything at all okay." He muttered as he started to pull out.

I looked at him and felt my eyes burn. _Great I'm going to fucking cry now_. "What the hell do you mean my standards?! Why put yourself through a self inflicted hell trying to be my friend and leaving me in the dark about it?" I turned to look back out the window. "I don't want to hurt you Edward. You do mean a lot to me; please don't think that you don't. If anyone is in the wrong, it's me."

"Being a friend to you is not putting me through self inflicted hell okay?" I turned to look at him as he was pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'd rather have something than nothing... My brother is in love with you and believe it or not I actually love him, and that keeps me from acting on anything with you and I shouldn't have said anything at all."

"No, I'm glad you told me. It explains why you acted that way at dinner the first time." I gave him a small smile hoping the next question came out stronger then I felt. "You're still gonna be my Freak Boy right?"

He gave me a half smile. "Sure."

I bit my lip and nodded, "Okay."

"Don't tell Jay I said anything, please."

"You're secret's safe with me," I promised, as I gave him the best smile I could.

I was grateful when he returned it this time. "Thanks." He said, pulling his car into traffic. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why does Jay call you 'Kitten'?"

I felt my eyes go wide. I didn't know he knew that. I knew Larry knew cause of that one day. "Uhh..." I stammered out feeling the heat rise in my face. "I purr?" I was so not going to say that I happened to purr while his brother is fucking me.

I watched as Edward's jaw dropped, he was clearly not expecting that answer. After a moment he collected himself and I saw his own face turn pink. _Cute,_ I thought as I smiled at him. "Um... well I guess that would make sense then."

_Oh shit he figured it out!_ I covered my face with my hands as I laughed. "I can't believe you know that."

I heard him chuckle. "Um I'll put that knowledge to good use?" he said in a question.

_Oh he so walked into what's coming._

"What that I _purr_?" I asked, making the last of the question sound huskier. I shook my head at myself.

Instead of being a little pink, Edward was now candy apple red. "Yeah, that's stupid huh?"

"No, I mean it might help you?" _Oh my God! Am I really giving him jerking off material?!_

"You know I'm talking about... fucking aye, are we really having this conversation?"

_Well now I know what you're talking about! _I thought as I blushed again. "Yes I know what you're talking about. And trust me, it's kind of hot."

Yeah, not gonna lie, hearing Edward admit that he was gonna use that knowledge about me for later, while thinking about me; was hot!

He looked at me sideways. All humor and embarrassment was gone from his features. "Um Alice, I really don't want to be the reason for you to break my brother's heart. I mean he'd deserve it... but yeah."

That was bullshit, but I understood his concern. I leaned my head against the head rest as I turned to look at him. "I don't plan on breaking his heart Edward. I promise."

He looked at me, flashing his crooked smile. "Sorry most of his girls tend to try and go for me... I've said no to everyone but I don't think I could to you..." He admitted.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the normal kind of girl he has..."

He nodded, "Trust me when I say you are but you aren't."

I lifted my eyebrow at him but realized he was watching the road ahead of him. "How many girls has he lived with?"

"None"

"And how many girls has he cared about enough to lie to the hospital and say that she was his wife, just so they would treat her?"

He rolled his eyes and I could see his fighting back a smile. "That is why I mean you aren't...but physically, you are his type."

I smiled then wrinkled my nose at the thought of me being his type. I was barely a C cup and barely had an ass. Those were starting to form since I had been with Jasper because he's fattening me up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But I was short. And not in the 'oh it's okay that's normal' kind of short. I mean in the 'sorry must be this tall to ride' kind of way, especially standing next to the Cullen brothers.

"So he likes the mini, no boob, and flat assed girls huh?"

He chuckled as he shook his head. "You don't see yourself very clearly you know that right?"

I rolled my eyes, "And you don't have to look at this body naked in the shower."

"Unless you are stuffing toilet paper in your pants and bra I think I'm right... and thank you so much for the visual."

I snorted in laughter at him. "No, no stuffing. And sorry," I added forgetting what he told me earlier

"You're small, but you have curves in all the right places..." he trailed off blushing again.

I tucked my hair behind my ears as I grinned at his compliment. "Thanks... So I'm hungry wanna get some food or something?" I said hoping to change the subject.

He nodded, "Sure what do you want?"

I shrugged, "Your choice cause you're buying."

"Hmmmm..." he looked at me when we got to a stop light. "Chipotle?"

"Oh wow, I haven't that in years." I licked my lips as my mouth watered at the idea of a chicken fajita burrito.

His eyes darted to my lips, before he grinned. "Alright let's go get some," he declared as he flipped the blinker switch.

----

Ed had come back over the next day dropping of a gift card from Esme. Apparently I was instructed to find an outfit worthy of a young woman. I decided to check out the little mod boutique down the street from the apartment and found a beautiful black dress that was something out of a nineteen fifties pin up ad. After that I walked over to the smaller mall and picked out some things from Victoria's Secret that I thought my man would enjoy. After all, had to make his last couple of days with me memorable, so that way when he gone he'll know exactly what's waiting for him when he gets home.

On the way home, I found a little store that sold some cute jewelry including a silver ring with the words "True Love Waits". The clerk informed me it was a purity ring and I smiled at her and bought it anyway. I didn't care what it was intended for. I don't follow any particular religions; to each their own in my opinion. For me it was the three simple words that meant the most for me. Because I knew in my heart Jasper was my true love, and I will wait for him until the end of time if I have to.

-----

I felt the warmth of the sun as it leaked through the blinds and shined on my face. I turned my back to the window and stretched out; I frowned at the empty spot on the bed. Who was I kidding; he was a mess before he got high. I had no guarantee that he wouldn't be today.

I looked at the clock and saw it was just after seven in the morning. I was officially seventeen years old today.

"At least this year you didn't wake up to being punched." I mumbled as I dragged myself out of bed and towards the door.

What greeted me when I opened the door was totally unexpected, but to say that I didn't love it would be a lie. Because the moment that door opened, the smell of something sweet cooking combined with the familiar sound of Jasper's whistle was the best birthday gift ever.

I quickly ran to the bathroom where I did my usual morning routine, before making my way to the kitchen. I pouted slightly when I saw that he was wearing one of his undershirts. But I quickly reminded myself that he was hurt and this was how he dealt with it.

I heard his whistling stop for a moment, before he chuckled alerting me that he knew I was there. So I took that opportunity to wrap my arms around him as I rubbed my face into his back. I missed him a lot while he was gone, more so then usual. I think the fact that I knew he was planning on going to rehab, mixed with the fact that I didn't know when that was, made me feel needy.

"Hey Kitten, I missed you too," he said softly as his free hand touched my arm.

I leaned my cheek against him as I grinned. "What's for breakfast?"

"Blueberry pancakes," I could hear the smile in his voice as his hand moved along my arm to my hand.

"Yummy," I said licking my lips. It had been awhile since I had those. "Do you need any help?" I asked.

He lifted my hand to his mouth, placing a kiss to the back of it. "Nope. Happy birthday Alice."

I grinned and blushed. This by far was the best birthday ever. "Thank you Jasper."

"How many do you want baby?" He asked as he laced his fingers with mine and brought them back down to his waist

As corny as it sounds, I loved this. Jasper was my unintentional romantic and when he did simple gestures like this, I never doubted how he felt.

"Um, two's fine," I answered him.

"Did you want Eggs and bacon too?"

_No, I want you._

"You don't have to make all of that, babe," I answered while blushing at my thoughts. I kissed him on his back.

"I got you a present baby," he said sounding rather excited about it then chuckled. "Actually a few."

"You did?"

"Yep, I think you'll like it too..." something in his voice told me there was something that was naughty in my presents, making excited to know what it was.

"Really now?" I grinned even though he couldn't see me.

"Yes ma'am. I wrapped them and everything." He said proudly.

I started bouncing in place a little, excited to see what he got me. "Can I have 'em now? Or do I have to wait?" I asked in an excited rush making him chuckle.

"Wait till I finish making the pancakes I wanna watch you open them." He said giving my hand a squeeze.

"Kay," I agreed kissing his back one more time as I went to wait at the table.

The table was a sight to be seen. Even though it was just the two of us, the table that could sit six, was decorated with gifts and a thing of sunflowers. He had already set out the silverware and napkins and placed a bowl of strawberries and a can of Redi-Whip whipped cream.

I bit my lip staring at the can, as I thought of the possibilities of what we could use said can for.

I heard him come closer and turned to see him grinning as he carried out two plates of pancakes. One of the plates had a sparkler stuck in the stack and was lit, the sparks dancing every where. I giggled as he placed the plate in front of me.

"That's so cool," I said in between giggles. I pulled the stick out and watched as the sparks died down. I hadn't realized that I was pouting until Jasper tapped my bottom lip.

"There's more for later," he teased. I grinned at him and leaned over to kiss him.

"Best birthday ever," I said against his lips making him laugh.

"This is just the beginning Kitten," he said with a smirk.

I nibbled on a strawberry as I watched him put the whipped cream on our pancakes. If I was this horny after three day, how the hell am I gonna make it while he's in rehab?!

I got a little cream on my finger and licked it off, keeping my eyes locked on his. He fumbled a bit, getting some cream on himself. I quickly grabbed his hand and slowly licked the cream of his finger before sucking on it. He growled slightly as his eyes got bright.

I smiled as I finished. "Yummy," I teased as I went to pay attention to my food. My previous intentions were to tease him and let him know that I definitely wanted him.

_Rule number one when living with a sex addict; don't tease._

He shoved most of the dishes off the table and lifted me quickly in front of him as I squealed with laughter. He stood up, placing himself between my legs as he sucked on my bottom lip. I fisted my hands into his hair, pulling him closer to me as we kissed. His hands grabbed at the hem of my shirt breaking our kiss to pull it off as I lifted his off, thankfully that he didn't object. I know his eyes were taking in ever curve of my exposed body, as I was drinking in the sight of his chest.

I slid my hands up his chest and wound them around his neck. His hands grabbed my wrists, momentarily shocking me. He instructed me to lie back for him, so I did. I watched him grab the can of Redi-Whip and bit my lip.

He licked his lip as he seemed to contemplate his next move. "Are you hungry darlin'?" he drawled out smirking at me. I licked my lips and nodded, anxious to see what he had planned.

He pointed the nozzle of the can at my mouth and I opened it obediently. He sprayed the cold sugary cream into my mouth and quickly covered my lips with his. His tongue massaged mine as we greedily fought of the remnants of the cream.

He smirked at me as he leaned away a bit and sprayed the cream on my neck. I bit back the giggles when the aerosol and cream hit my skin. The need to giggle was quickly replaced with a moan as Jasper dragged his tongue along my skin, so painfully slow and torturous. I bucked my hips into his trying to get some friction or speed him along, but if anything it seemed to please him making him go slower, while his right hand slowly dragged along my body, making we wither under him.

He stood back up, this time pointing the nozzle at my nipple, spraying some on there. My breathing hitched at the coldness on my sensitive peaks. He leaned back down, his eyes locked on mine as his tongue darted out and ran a circle around the cream. I bit on my lip watching as he licked everything but the damned cream. Finally I think he got my hint because he started to slowly lick the cream of me, taking the time to savor to taste of it on my skin.

When he finally sucked the peak into his mouth, I nearly came undone right then. I arched my back into needing him to touch me in other areas, but any chance of forming a coherent sentence was nullified.

After the same tortuous routine on the other nipple, he worked his way down. Marking his path with the cream and licking it off of me, all directions leading south.

I sat up, bracing myself on my elbows, watching him pull up a chair and smirk. I brought my foot up onto the edge of the table, biting back a grin as I watched him looking between my thighs.

_Yes sir, someone had birthday money left over and got pampered_, I thought smugly when he shifted in his seat and his eyebrow went up.

He leaned forward running the flat of his tongue along the outside, humming his approval before spraying the cream there.

_Holy fuck that's kinky! _I shouted internally, but moaned loudly as his tongue followed the path again.

I heard the sound of the can drop onto the hardwood floors, before I registered what it was. I felt his tongue slide into my folds as he licked his way to my clit. He lifted my right leg and placed it on his shoulder as he slid a finger into me.

"Oh God…" I moaned lifting my hips into him. Fucking hell, I don't know what was making this so intense, but so fucking good.

His tongue alternated with his fingers, switching positions to either fuck me with his tongue or his fingers. By the third switch of his tongue thrusting into me, I exploded.

He let me ride my orgasm out on his tongue, humming into me as he would wiggle it. Finally when the shuddering stopped he pulled away. I quickly sat up, wondering where he was going 'cause I sure as fuck wasn't done.

He smirked, obviously reading my face, as he removed his boxers and kicked them to the side. I reached out and stroked him a few times, reveling in the sound of his growl. I found it sexy as fuck.

"Did you miss me Jazzy," I purred at him, as I hooked my feet around his thighs to bring him closer to me.

He braced his hands on either side of me. He looked me with bright hooded eyes. "So much," he whispered huskily, his accent thick with need and desire.

"Then prove it Jasper," I said to him as the head of his cock hit my entrance.

He didn't disappoint either. His lips claimed mine as he thrust into me fast and hard. I whimpered against his lips as my nail dug into his biceps. He stilled his movements waiting for me.

I nodded and kissed him gently, "I'm okay Jazzy." He nodded and laid me back onto the table as he began a slow rhythm. Taking his time to fill me up with every trust as his lips worked a trail of fire from my lips to my nipples and back.

I rocked my hip to meet his, panting my pleas for him to go faster. Again he didn't disappoint, his hips thrusting faster as he sucked my nipple into his mouth. I dragged my nails along the back of his shoulders, making him moan against my flesh.

Soon, each thrust became harder and faster, the remaining items on table started shifting with each movement.

"Babe," I panted, tugging his hair to get him to look up at me. When his eyes met mine, he lifted my hips off the table and hit a new spot making me forget what I wanted as my walls closed around him. I came hard around him as he continued his work.

"Chair," I all but moaned out. He lifted me up and I quickly wrapped my arms around his shoulders making the oddest sound of a squeal and moan as he fell back into the chair.

"Your turn," I told him as I kissed him, biting into his lip. He groaned, his hips thrusting to meet mine with each roll I made. I kissed my way down his neck, bouncing along his cock faster has his hands slid down my sides to my ass, squeezing it roughly.

"Oh fuck," I moaned into his neck before pressing my lips to the pulse point. I could feel it race against my lips, matching his breathing.

I grabbed the back of the chair, pushing myself into his chest as I slid myself up his shaft then pushed down hard. His head fell back as he groaned. I knew he was just as close as I was. I kissed his neck again before biting his jugular, not hard but enough that I knew he'd feel it.

His hands gripped my hips roughly as my name rolled off his lips. I felt him pulse inside of me as he flew over the edge, my own climax following his. I rested my head into his neck, trying my best to return to a normal breathing pattern.

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The day was fun; it was just me and him. Popcorn fights and cuddling on the couch. Of course opening gifts was even better. Jasper gave me the first gift to open and made me open it in the bed room in the middle of the bed as he sat at the foot of the bed.

I didn't quite understand why I had to sit here and he over there, until I unwrapped the purple covered gift.

He got me a vibrator. He laughed at my reaction first. Of course me saying, "You're still fucking me tonight," probably didn't help the situation. He explained that he wanted me to be able to have a release while he was in rehab. This of course, made me worry but I wouldn't tell him.

Of course, in true Jasper style, he taught me how to use it. Granted the stupid thing wasn't as good as the real thing, hence why at one point it was tossed to the side so he could take over.

My other gifts were much tamer than that. Well, the lacey undergarments weren't that tame, but I could see why they were the follow up to the new toy. He also bought me a set of colored pencils that made me giggle because I didn't think he heard me bitching about the lack of supplies, and a pink and purple stuffed Cheshire Cat. I giggled and hugged it.

He made dinner, which he kept saying sorry it wasn't like how I cook. But I was perfectly happy eating hamburgers with him. My cake was a small little thing that I knew immediately was from Ms. Conty.

"Her gift to you," He explained as he light the candle and turned the lights off. Normally I don't make wishes for my birthday, but this time I only had one wish. This wish was the most important to me and Jasper and I hoped that this time rehab will be what he needs.

After dinner, he grabbed my blanket off the couch and took us up to the roof were we watched the city's firework display and played with the remaining sparklers.

Just as the grand finale started, I turned in his lap to face him, watching as the colors bounced of his face. I traced my fingers along his facial features, willing to commit them to memory. I wanted to remember the way his dark lashes fluttered on his skin, the way the left side of his lip would curl up when he was content and the way his dimples looked when he truly smiled.

I brushed the hair from his eyes, bringing his attention to me. He smiled at me, before peppering my face with kisses. I giggled and pulled away some.

"I love you Jasper," I whispered.

"I love you more," he said with a contented smile.

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_I came home from visiting Carlisle. I was having a lot of headaches and Jasper got concerned. After deciding that the headaches were probably related to my current birth control, I decided to get on Depo. Once that was decided, Carlisle gave me a clean bill a health._

"_Jazzy, I'm home!" I called out as I locked the door. Silence greeted me. I sighed and placed my bag on the table as I headed to the bedroom, wanting to get the fuck out of these jeans. The fuckers are getting too tight for comfort._

_I seriously need a job so I can get some new clothes, I thought as I pushed the door open. I stopped short finding Jasper in bed. Something about the way in which he was sleeping was off. _

_For starters it's just after one in the afternoon. He never sleeps during the day. _

_I slowly walked closer to the bed my foot kicked something and sent it crashing into the night stand. My heart started to race as my palms started to sweat._

_Please god no… he's been clean a year…_

_I reached down and picked up the metallic object._

_A spoon._

_Fuck! _

_I quickly climbed on the bed over Jasper, shaking him, trying to get him to wake up._

"_Jasper! Please babe, wake up!" I cried shaking him harder. But he wouldn't budge. "Baby please," I could feel the tears falling from my eyes as touched his face._

_It was cold. _

_It was then that I noticed he wasn't breathing. I looked down at his arm that was splayed out next to him. There was a new mark, cementing everything I feared. _

"_God damn it Jasper Whitlock Cullen! You promised me!" I hit his chest with my fist as I cried. "You promised you'd be here forever. You promised we'd get married." I whimpered, praying that he would just wake up that it was all bad dream. "You promised to protect me…"_

"I'm here," I heard his voice. Slowly I opened my eyes, to see him watching me. His eyes were wide and worried. "It's okay," he whispered.

I kissed him hard as I broke down. He held me to him and let me cry on his chest, trying to sooth me with his words as he rubbed my back. I should feel elated that it was all just a dream but I was scared.

"I love you," I whimpered, clinging to his tank top. He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you always," I heard him say as I drifted back to sleep.

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I placed the jeweled clip in my hair to pull back the left side of it behind my ear. I smiled at my reflection. I looked like I stepped out of one of the pin-up posters from the nineteen fifties, but with the modern flair of my bracelets, silver and black spiral earning and ring.

I was nervous about tonight. More than I had been the first time I had dinner with the Cullen's. Last night's nightmare didn't help; neither did waking up to find Jasper on the phone with someone while he cried.

I didn't ask him about his conversation. I figured if he wanted me to know he would tell me.

I walked into the living room where Jasper was sitting on the couch. He was slouched down, his head resting back as one foot was on the coffee table. He looked tired and I felt slightly guilty, knowing he probably stayed up in case I had another nightmare.

I hadn't put my shoes on, so I was able to go to him and crawl into his lap relatively unnoticed. I smiled a bit when I thought about how his black slacks and charcoal button down matched an outfit he hadn't seen me wear yet.

"What 'cha thinking?" I asked.

"You," he said giving me tired smile.

"What about me?"

He brought his head up as he tucked the hair that was hanging in front of my face behind my ear. "You've never had a nightmare when you were in my arms before."

"Oh," I instinctively looked down at my lap. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I had wondered if I woke him up last night and if he heard what I was dreaming about.

He lifted my head by my chin making me look up at him as his thumb rubbed over my bottom lip. "No I am sorry; you have nothing to be sorry for."

I gave him a small smile. "Sure I do. I'm sure I scared you"

"You're my whole world you know that?"

I bit into my lip feeling like I was either gonna cry or smile the biggest fucking smile ever as I shook my head, silently saying no.

He kissed me quickly. "It's true." He bit his lip as he looked away. "I know that nightmare was about me Kitten."

"I'm just scared to lose you Jazzy..." I whispered.

I watched him look back me, his eyebrows joined together in confusion. "You think I'm going somewhere?"

"No!" I said startled. I didn't think he was gonna leave cause he wanted to. "I just... nothing, it was just a dream right?"

"What's wrong Kitten? Please tell me." He begged the worry evident in his voice.

"Will I be able to see you... when you leave? For rehab I mean." That was at least one worry I had.

He gave me a small smile. "Yeah...it will be a few days though..." he sighed, "there's this time period that is pretty harsh and I can't see anyone..." he tried to explain. My mind raced through the information I read and I knew he was talking about the detox period. And I remembered how bad it was when he was trying to do it on his own, only having to get Larry to get him high. The pain he was going through was enough to hurt me, but I knew from my research that detox is very important.

I nodded and took his hand in mine. I smiled at how small my hand seemed against his but fit perfectly when our fingers laced together. "Well, it'll be okay... 'because you want this right?" I look up into his eyes. I needed to know that he wanted this. "I mean to get clean?"

"Yeah, I do..." he smiled at me. "I wanna get better and be a good man for you." I couldn't doubt him with the amount of honesty his eyes held as he said it.

"Then that's all that matters. That this is what you want." I said as strongly as I could as I looked down at our hands. I could see my ring shining back up at me, _True love waits_. I looked up at him, giving him a determined look. "I love you and I'll wait however long it takes for you to get better okay?"

His free hand slipped behind my neck bringing my face closer to his. My eyes fluttered closed as I felt his lips touch mine. I wrapped my arm around his neck, our joined hands pressed between us as I returned his kiss. He broke away slightly as his thumb gently rubbed my cheek. "I am sorry I made you cry Alice."

I smiled at him, trying to ease his guilt. "It wasn't you, it was just a nightmare."

"What was your nightmare about Kitten?"

I looked down again and chewed on my lip. Do I risk hurting him and telling him that he died from using? Or do I side step it and leave out that he was clean for over a year, so he doesn't have to worry about it being more than just a dream?

I swallowed thickly before answering, "You uh... were using again I guess... cause I came home and you were," I shook my head willing the tears not to fall again as the dream played in my head. "I can't say it." I whispered.

"I was dead," he whispered looking at me sadly.

I nodded and put my head on his chest, curling myself into him as he held on tightly. "I was scared..." I whispered.

"I'm sorry Alice, I'll never use again." I felt his lips kiss the top of my head.

"Just don't leave me, and we'll be okay. I mean... just..." _God I can't even say the word 'rehab' now_, I thought bitterly. "Well yeah you know what I mean," I laughed softly trying to lighten the mood.

He kissed the top of my head again as he rubbed my back, "I swear Mary Alice, I'll never use again."

I looked up at him and grinned. I don't know why but that promise made me feel a hundred times better. "I love you Jasper."

He looked into my eyes, his green eyes boring into mine. "I love you." He said with such convection I felt like I could cry at his words.

I cleared my throat. "So, I need to do my make-up and I'll be ready..." I gave him a small smile. "Do you wanna nap while I go do that?"

His lips curled up into what I called his 'fuck me' grin. "Wanna give me a small sleeping pill?" he said suggestively.

I tingled with the thought and giggled. "And be late for your mom's party?" I shook my head, getting myself off his lap as I rejected his offer. "And I thought I was the one that wanted to be spanked," I teased.

"I better be the only one spanking you darlin'."

I smiled at him and leaned over him. "Of course my love," I said before giving him a kiss.

He lay back onto the couch, throwing one leg over the armrest and keeping his other foot on the floor before giving me a lazy smile.

My poor tired Jazzy.

I smiled at him before going back into the bathroom. Once I was in there, I quickly applied my eyeliner and cherry flavored lip gloss, one of many surprises for Jasper tonight. I double checked my hair to make sure the curls hadn't fallen flat and reminded myself to thank Esme for letting me borrow her hot curlers.

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Jasper drove us to his parent's house. I kept looking back at the package that was wrapped like the gifts from last night. He would laugh at me when I tried to get more information on it. But he wouldn't crack.

When we arrived to the Cullen house, he took my hand and walked me through the garage, entering by the kitchen. Esme was in the process of pulling out the chicken enchiladas from the oven. My mouth watered at the smells, very thankful that I chose that for my birthday dinner.

After giving us each a hug, she set off to finish getting the table ready and calling Edward down to help. Carlisle made his way to us and after giving me a hug started to talk to Jasper about philosophy. I found myself entranced with the way Jasper seemed relaxed and excited to have the current debate with his father.

Dinner was wonderful, best enchiladas ever! And again the conversation was casual and relaxed. I stayed quiet as the Cullen's shared stories about birthday previous and other family events.

After dinner, Edward and Carlisle cleaned up the table as Jasper helped his mother with something. I wondered into the family room looking at various pictures Esme had around the house.

In most of the pictures, I was able to recognize Jasper and Edward. I took a guess that the tall statuesque blonde who looked as if she could be Jasper's sister, was in fact his sister-in-law Rose. A few pictures down there was some pictures of her and a big muscle bound man with child like features and three beautiful girls.

"That must be Em," I said softly.

"You like the family photos?" Esme asked from behind me. I didn't even hear her approach.

I nodded. "It's nice to see them all as they go through various points in their life."

"You think maybe you'd like to be right here?" She asked as she pointed next to Rose and Emmett's family picture. I was blown away by her question. Obviously this was her family; her husband, children and grandchildren. I wrinkled my nose; she and Carlisle looked far too young to have grandchildren.

I turned to look at her. "Me?"

She smiled warmly at me. "I think you're the best thing that ever happened to Jasper."

I felt the heat rise to my face as I bit back a smile. I had no idea what to say to that.

Esme tilted her head and pointed to Rose and Em's wedding picture. "They're trying for a boy," she informed me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I bet three girls must be hard on Em." I said with a smile.

Esme laughed and nodded. "He's such a good daddy." I could see how proud she was of her eldest son in her smile. "You know he stays home with them?"

"Really?" I asked looking back at a picture of him and Edward. Emmett had his arm around Edward's shoulder as he laughed about something. "He looks as if he likes to goof off."

"He does, but I guess that is what makes him a good dad, he knows what his kids want 'cause he never grew up." She sighed, bringing my attention to her. "We adopted him and he was the oldest of six, so he knows responsibility..." She said sadly.

"Well judging by all the happy pictures, you and Carlisle did right by them... showing them love and helping become individuals." I said with a small smile, hopping to make her happier.

She smiled at me. "I always hoped so." She looked back at the kitchen where Jasper's laugh echoed out to us, before look back at me. "I tried so hard for Jasper..." she said sadly shaking her head, "maybe you were the only one who could save him"

"I hope so..." I said softly chewing my lip. He said he wants to be better for me, but is that enough?

Esme wrapped her arm around me pulled me to her side. I smiled at the motherly effect it had when she did that. "So what were you planning on doing while Jasper is in rehab?" she asked.

I shrugged, "I never really talked it over with Jasper. I mean, I can't get a job so I can't keep his bills from piling up. But I don't want him to lose his apartment."

She looked down at me and whispered, "You can't tell Jasper something okay?"

I looked up and nodded. "I promise," I whispered back.

"I own the building you two live in."

I felt my jaw drop as I gaped at her. She owned it? That's a huge fricken building!

Esme chuckled at my reaction. "Carlisle loves to help people and I love restoration. What can I say...? I bought the building for income; we have a few places like that. The story is that Edward found the place with cheap enough rent and we pay the manager not to tell Jasper who owns the building."

_Wow._

I couldn't help it I started to giggle as I thought about it. "That's sneaky," I told her.

She winked at me, causing me to laugh more. "I try," she teased, pretending to straighten her hair with her hand.

I smiled at her before turning my attention back to the photos. "Do you think you'll see that smile again?" I asked pointing to a picture of Carlisle Edward, Jasper and Emmett. All four of them either laughing or smiling Edward's apparent attempt to tackle Emmett.

Esme chuckled again as she looked at the picture. "Oh, I think if anyone is capable of getting that, it's you. He loves you, you know."

I smiled and nodded. "I love him too," I confessed.

"So, were you gonna stay in that cold little apartment all by yourself?"

"I don't know where else to go." I don't know if I wanted to leave the apartment. It would be all I had left of Jasper while he was gone.

"Well... there's lots of room here," she nudged me while smiling.

"Really? I mean I wouldn't want to impose."

"You wouldn't be imposing!" She pulled me into a hug, which I was only happy to return. "We all love you, you must see that."

"I love you guy too. Oh, and thank you for dinner it was really good."

She smiled as she loosened her grip. "You're very welcome."

I gave her a sad smile, because suddenly it felt like everyone knew something that I didn't know. To be honest, I didn't want to know what I was thinking, but I figured if anyone would be honest, it was Esme. "You don't by any chance know when Jasper's going into rehab do you?"

She seemed taken aback by my sudden change in mood. "He didn't tell you?" She asked as her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Honestly, I've been afraid to ask."

"Tomorrow afternoon," she said softly. Jesus, I thought I had more time with him. At least now I understood why he tried to make my birthday so special yesterday.

Well, I told him that I would support him and wait for him, so there is no use in me crying over this now. Just enjoy the time I have with him. I gave Esme a brave smile. "Then we should make the best of it right?" I looked over at the spot Esme offered me earlier before turning back to her. "I would be honored to be with the family pictures."

She smiled and nodded at me. "Did you want to come with me when I drop Jasper off?" She asked.

I smiled. "I would love too," I told her honestly. "But that's up to him."

She nodded in understanding and was about to say something but was cut off by Jasper.

"Hey! There are my two favorite ladies," he was grinning so I knew he was in a good mood.

"Yeah, here we are." I smiled at him.

"I'll just leave you two alone," Esme said gently as she patted my arm and gave me look I didn't recognize. I watched as she kissed Jasper on the cheek before turning into the direction of the kitchen.

Jasper closed the distance between us, pulling me into his arms as he kissed me softly on the cheek. "I missed you."

I wrapped my arms around him and held on to him as tight as I could. "I missed you too." I said into his chest. "Hey Jasper?" I asked looking up at him

"Yeah?"

"Please don't be mad at your mom, but she offered to have me go with you tomorrow when she drops you off...." Well I probably could have said that a lot smoother, but I was afraid he didn't want me to go.

He smiled at me. "I was hoping you'd want to go with me, but I understand if you don't."

"I do! I just didn't know if you wanted me there," I confessed.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked. I don't know, a part of me thought maybe he was trying to protect me from our impending separation by not telling when he was going or anything like that.

_But you never asked did you Alice?_

I shrugged, "I don't know." I chewed on my lip trying to figure something out to say. "Oh hey, did you know that your mom wants to add me to the family pictures?" I smiled at him proudly.

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "No."

I nodded as I took his hand. "Come on, I think I saw a cake with my name on it." I grinned up at him. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed, before nodding and motioning for me to lead the way.

When we entered the dining room again there was a beautiful two tiered cake sitting in the middle of the table. The bottom layer was a bright pink with a pretty brown bow tied around it. The top layer was a cream color with pink and brown stripes topped off with a bunch of pink sugar roses.

"It's so pretty," I breathed in a whisper and felt Jasper squeeze my hand in response. I looked up to see Esme smiling at us with tears in her eyes. I let go of Jasper's hand to go to Esme and give her a hug. "Thank you so much."

She smoothed out the back of my hair. "You are most welcome Alice."

Before we could open gifts, Esme announced that she wanted a picture, earning unison groans from her two sons. I laughed and waited for the directions needed. She suggested that the kids sit in front, while she and Carlisle would stand in the back. Edward sat in my chair, and I sat in Jasper's lap, crossing my right thigh over my left.

I hadn't realized how much could be seen until I felt Edward's eyes on me. I took Jasper's hand and placed it on my thigh. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I explained to him that I didn't want to flash my ass at his brother. He laughed and agreed with me.

After the pictures were taken it was time to open gifts. I wasn't expecting any but was completely grateful for all of them. Carlisle gave me a few books varying from classic thrillers like _The Shining_ to art books. Esme gave me a beautiful bag to could carry my art supplies as well as my books in. Edward's gift made me laugh. He bought me a gift card to Barnes and Nobles.

"So you can go hang out with Bella," he explained when I laughed.

Finally it was time to open the final gift from Jasper. I looked at him and smiled. Why had he waited until now to give it to me?

"Go on, open it." He said softly. I nodded as I carefully tore it open. I had noticed that while, yes it was wrapped in the same solid purple paper as the others; this one had drawings on it. I wasn't until I saw the rabbit with the pocket watch did I realize this was something he put a lot of thought into. I heard Esme gasp as she looked at the drawings.

"Jasper?" she whispered. I looked at him puzzled as he blushed some and nodded to her unspoken question.

Under the beautifully wrapped paper was a beautiful leather book. Upon closer inspection I realized that he had bought me a leather bound sketch book. Excited, I opened the book to find a drawing already inside. The drawing was of a girl hiding her face and looking up at the viewer and instantly I knew it was me. I looked carefully at the drawing, the placement seemed so familiar.

"Your first night with me," he whispered in my ear. I nodded as the tears started to slowly fall. I placed the book out on the table and turn to hug him.

"I love it Jazzy," I whispered as I clung tightly to him. "I love you Jasper, always." I kissed him on the cheek and turned to look at him.

His thumb gently wiped away my tears. "I love you always, Mary Alice."

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A/N: Before you ask; no, the prologue is not next. Yep sorry to rain on your parade… this ride is so far from being over… so you know the drill click-a on the review button and give the birthday girl some love… btw keep leaving those reviews, we love to hear your thoughts and it encourages Alice and Jasper to talk to us... so click the button Kthaxbai!


	15. Detoxify

**Disclaimer: Have not now nor have we ever gone by the name Stephanie. Just means we don't own Twilight. We do however, own this plot. That is fantastic in my opinion.**

**A/N: Robs:** Alright, JPOV. Ummm... no real warnings with this chapter, well, get your tissues out. Wanting to know who jasper was crying on the phone about? We shall find out. Oh and in addition to the supportStacieAuction, we wanna know if there are any outtakes or POVs you'd be interested in hearing for this story. Let us know so we can make a list ;)

**K:** Thanks to all our readers, friends and family. We love all the support and such you give us! Also if you're ever curious as to what awards we're up for remember to check Alsper's FF page, cause we update as soon as we know ;) Robs and I are thinking of submitting an application to partake in the September SupportStacieAuction. Some of you may know what this is and some may not. Well basically it's a great way to earn money to help cure cancer. You bid on us amongst other readers to get the rights for us to be your bitches and write a one shot for YOU! Cool huh? So go vote on our poll we wanna know if ya'll are interested.

**Big thanks to the following for their reviews!** Aricangri5, MaleficentKnits, angels04, nami86, soofine11, Joee1, Jess, Realynn8, Kayla, linds, Deedlez01, IyeshaLove, blue rids, Anna, Demi, Quisler, JaspersBrand, shopiholicpixie, sleepsheep, JazzygirlCullen, Conty, Lucy Alyce, linsadair, calabria, LovelyinLavender, Raven B. Cullen, twilight2muchx3, Tori Scanga, litditgirl, xMissCullenx, Marie-Ruth, Olivia, DreamOfSunshine, Sensoria, dennycullenlutz, VoldieBeth, marauder-fangirl, mischief-maker1, thefilly, AliceinAngst, deltagirl74. WE LOVE YOU ALL!** *Mwah!!***

**Special thanks to AmberStar63 for being a great friend and an awesome Beta. We love you. **

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**14. Detoxify**

_And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom. -Fight Club_

Ten a.m. Monday the sixth came way too soon.

I awoke that morning, my face buried in my beloved's hair, breathing her in. I could never get enough of her, and that's why I was going to leave. If the past few days were any evidence then I really needed to go.

Two nights ago Alice had a really bad nightmare; it was so bad she woke me up. As far as I knew, it was the first time she'd had a nightmare since she started to sleep with me. At least it was the first one that I'd noticed and the thought both disturbed and worried me. _She was afraid I was going to leave? She said that I wasn't protecting her, what the fuck was that about? _After I had gotten her back to sleep I did something I had been thinking about doing for the past month, but never seemed to work up the courage to do yet.

I climbed out of bed and walked quietly over to the phone, I picked up the receiver and dialed the number I had looked at so many times on the little piece of paper that I had it memorized. I heard the phone ring twice and then a gruff voice with a southern drawl answer.

"ello?"

"Hey pops." I said quietly, not wanting to wake Alice.

"Jasper? Is that you?" He asked, his voice full of shock.

"Yep," I responded, popping the p. "Demetri said you wanted to talk to me, said you had something important to tell me?"

"Yeah son, I did. Well, first how are yah? I've always wondered what happened to my little boy." I rolled my eyes and fought back the tears. This guy is fucked up beyond words.

"I'm going to rehab, again, on Monday." I told him in a curt voice, and received a pause of silence in response.

"Oh," was all he said at first. "Jasper, I did wrong by you and I know that." _No shit really? You think? _"Boy, I don't want…" He trailed off, seeming to grasp for words, I felt the first tear trickle down my cheek. _Never show weakness. _"I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry."

_He. What? _

I felt every bit of anger I had ever felt for him surge through me all at once. "It's all your fault, everything, my entire fucked up life is your fault and you're sorry?! You tell me you're fucking sorry? Well I am sorry motherfucker, sorry ain't good enough." I slammed the phone in the cradle and put my face in my hands.

_Why the fuck did I call him?_

I picked up the receiver again and dialed a number I had written on the list next to the phone. This time a happier, gentler voice answered.

"Hey Jazz." Em answered and I broke down. "Jazz, brother man? Are you alright?"

I shook my head and prayed my voice would actually come out somewhat intelligible, "No."

"Jazz, what's wrong man?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"I called him Em."

"Oh shit…" He sounded breathless.

"You know what he said?" I could feel the rage rise inside of me again.

"No clue man."

"He's sorry," I scoffed, still disbelieving what had just occurred on the phone.

"Well fuck, a little too late for that ain't it?" He said, sounding as enraged as I had been.

I chuckled sarcastically, "Yeah I know it's been, oh what? Fourteen years?"

"I'm sorry Jazz, I can't even imagine how hard this is for you…" I knew he couldn't, before they died he had very loving parents.

"What do I do Em? I dunno which way is up anymore, every time I kinda come up something blows up in my face." It was like that wall that I had up suddenly broke and I ended up crying like a pansy assed bitch to my brother on the phone at about three a.m.

"Whoa, Jazz what else has gone wrong? From what mom brags about, that pretty little girl of yours is still there... Is everything okay?" Again with the very concerned voice.

I rubbed my face to rid myself of the image of the girl who looked so much like Alice, her body hitting the wall as some jackass raped her. I never did find out how that story ended. "I saw a girl get raped Em, and I couldn't help her... I fucking froze and then... That bitch...I ended up getting the worse end of her too... and now Alice wants to try to do something to her, but I don't want Alice to 'cause I don't want Maria to hurt her…" I managed to whisper out, like a boy in confession.

He gave a low whistle and chuckled a little. "That's kind of cute that she wants to avenge her lover. But I get yah, we don't need those two clashing…"

"I'm going to rehab bro." I told him suddenly, I needed him to watch Alice for me. I felt like if anyone could protect her from Satan herself it would be big burly Emmett.

"Good." I could hear the smile in his voice. "See I knew you had it in yah! What are you gonna do with Alice?"

"Dad said she could stay with them, but I don't know man, her past is shady, I'm worried something will happen to her."

Emmett snorted. "You do realize that the minute you brought her over the Cullen threshold she not only got you but mom, dad, me and prissy pants Ed watching over her, right?"

I laughed at that, "True, but I don't want Ed watching her too close."

Emmett made a sound that resembled Santa Claus before continuing. "You think the virgin has a thing for a girl finally? Don't worry bro, I watch her for yah."

"I know he does. And thanks" That made me feel a hundred times better about this whole rehab thing. _God why can't I get clean on my own?_

"Hey that's what I'm here for bro. I know how much you care for her, and I know if it was one of my girls needed someone to keep an eye on them you'd do it too."

"Damn straight I would." I told him, smiling.

"So when do I need to introduce myself?"

"I'm going in Monday." I said straight faced. I have no idea why, but the thought terrified me.

"Whoa... How long have you been planning this?" He sounded shocked.

"About a week... I've known for awhile I needed to do it and I tried to do it on my own, but…" I chewed my cheek, I hated to admit I was weak. "I can't."

"So mom and dad didn't push you this time, it's all your own choice?" He questioned me some more.

I nodded, "Yep, I wanna get clean for her…" So maybe she'll marry me. _Whoa, marriage? _I shook my head at my own internal thought.

"I ain't gonna lie, I'm shocked that you want this; but at the same time bro I'm prouder than fuck right now." Emmett sounded genuinely excited, a thought that made me grin. I'd get the rest of my family back too. _Keep thinking about the perks Jazz, that'll keep you sane. _

"Thanks man... I think I realized what I can't live without, you know?"

"I hear you man. Listen you should go spend some time with what you can't live without while you have a chance. I'll come bug yah, smuggle you in some smokes and shit." He joked, he knew he didn't need to smuggle that shit in to me, lots of people in rehab smoke, they say it eases the nerves.

"Thanks man, I think I'll need it."

"I love yah bro, remember that on the inside – you got people out here that love you." He chuckled, "Now go to your girl I know you want to."

"Thanks man... Night."

"Night Jazz."

I hung up the phone and after brief bathroom break I crawled back into bed with the love of my life. Yeah the love of my life, don't act like you didn't expect that.

-----

Even though I was utterly exhausted, I still made the best of Alice's birthday dinner. I knew everyone had spent more money on her gifts, but I hoped she would see how much time I had put into the gift I gave her. Yes, I was extremely high when I drew the pictures on the wrapping paper, and when I drew the picture of her from our first night. I was actually kind of shocked I could still draw well, it was something I'd picked up in counseling, they told me to draw what I was feeling because I wasn't too incredible at talking about my feelings.

She fucking loved it. I made her cry even, not that making her cry is a good thing, just that it was a good cry. I also got tears from Esme, and a strange happy look from both Edward and Carlisle, but that didn't matter as much as the girl in front of me. I love them and all, but Alice. Well. She's my sunshine.

The drive back home was strangely quiet. I knew she was thinking about me leaving the next day. I didn't want her to think about it, I wanted her to enjoy our time together. As it was I was becoming increasingly paranoid that Alice and Edward had something going on… The way they looked at each other all night was making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. When I asked Edward about it in the kitchen he told me that the drugs made me paranoid, and while I have heard that before, the look on his face told me otherwise.

I lit and smoked a cigarette to calm my nerves, glancing over at my little beauty in her pin up style garb. _She would never hurt me like that, right? _I watched her out of the corner of my eye, trying not to be obvious as I tried to memorize her just like this. I almost felt as if I was never going to see her again. She looked excited to get home and wiggled a little in her seat. _Oh I know that wiggle. _I pressed a little harder on the gas.

Once we got home, I took my time with her, savoring her, kissing every inch of her body. I knew she was feeling impatient, and that she wanted me to fuck her instead of teasing her, but I didn't want our last night together to be rushed like that. I wanted her to feel everything, and remember everything. For some reason I had this feeling in my chest like something bad was going to happen, and if this was my last night with her I wanted it to be good.

And well, I needed the satisfaction of knowing that what I was doing to her made her euphoric. I got her off with my mouth, then my fingers and then when I was sure her body couldn't take any more teasing I pushed myself into her and tried as best as I knew to make love to her. Books and movies don't have anything close to the feelings it evokes in you. I held her tight to me, and she hugged me back as I pushed inside of her and she rolled her hips, our lips searching and kissing, our cheeks wet with tears. My heart was hammering out of my chest and I prayed that she knew how hard this was going to be and how much I loved her.

By the time we reached climax I could no longer think, it was all feeling and me and her. Nothing around us, the entire world had gone away and the only thing that mattered to me was the beautiful young woman coming undone in my arms. That was how I knew I could be strong enough. For her. I would do anything.

I awoke at eight a.m. with a start. I think my entire body seemed to know something that my brain wasn't remembering. I glanced over at Alice, beautiful little Alice who was laying on her stomach, her head turned in my direction, her arms under the pillow as her lips turned up into a gentle smile. Then I remembered. Almost like a song played in my head. I have to go to rehab. Fuck me and my inability to get over my cravings.

I took a deep breath and smiled. The scent of our sex still permeated the air. I loved that smell. I rolled onto my side and raised myself up on my elbow before lifting the blanket to check out my little Alice, still naked and oh so very sexy. My morning wood suddenly got a whole lot harder. _Thank you Alice for beat off material. _Unable to resist I leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her left back dimple, then the fairy, then the right back dimple.

"Ughhhh, Jazzpurr…" She moaned out, making me straighten up to see if I had woken her up. Her eyelashes were still fanned against her skin, however, her lips were now parted and small sex sounds escaped her lips as she wiggled ever so slightly on the bed. _My girl was having a sex dream. About me. How did I get so lucky?_

And now I was fucking worked up like a motha'. I leaned over and gently nipped at her bottom. My little devilish angel. Well, I think I may have nipped harder than I thought, because she squeaked and jumped a little. I tried my best to look at her innocently as her eyes seemed to be accusing me of something.

"What are you doing?" She tilted her head to the side and studied me.

"Looking at you." I replied quickly, it was the half truth, I gave her an innocent smile. Or at least, what I hoped was an innocent smile.

She smiled in return, "Uh huh."

"You don't believe me?"

She smirked at that, "I think you were biting my ass."

_It could also be called that, _I tried to hide my smirk as I looked down at my throbbing cock, I wonder if she hadn't noticed it. "Busted."

That got her to laugh as she nodded her head, "Yeah you were…"

"It was just so cute laying there." I tried to explain as I shrugged.

"Was it now?" she giggled out and wiggled a little in place. I know that wiggle, I know it well.

"Mmmhmm." I affirmed, biting into my lip to keep myself from demanding she take care of my problem.

She glanced down just then, oh yeah she noticed, she licked and bit her lip quickly before rolling back onto her stomach. Oh fuck me… "What time is it?" What? I glanced over at the clock.

"Just after eight." I responded, trying to will myself to not answer to the demands of my penis.

"Oh…" She moved to her side and smiled at me before opening her arms for me. "Come here."

_FUCK YES! Wait. _"Umm…" _Morning breath. Shit. _I glanced over to the nightstand and saw the package of gum lying there, I grabbed a piece quickly and popped it into my mouth. "'Kay." I crawled over to her and pulled her against my chest, my cock nuzzling her tummy like it was its favorite place in the world… _I know differently, its favorite place is a little lower. _I smirked at my own thoughts.

She laughed as if she heard me, "I wanted a hug silly man and to tell you I love you."

"Damn." I kissed her temple to show that it was okay.

"I'll give you lots of kisses as soon as I brush my teeth I promise."

"Good." I told her, giving her one last squeeze before I climbed out of bed, "I need a shower." I stretched my body, liking the fact that she was so obviously staring at me. _You can have it if you want it_, I thought and winked at her.

She gave me a tempting grin and sat up, her breasts bouncing a little as she moved. The sight went straight to my dick. "Last one there gets the cold water?" _She wants to race? Now?_

"My legs are longer little lady."

She got out of the bed, more movement. If I didn't know any better I would say she's trying to have me throw her onto the bed. "Yes, but you like looking at my ass."

_That's not all I like looking at. _"Yeah, you're right"

She deliberately swayed her hips as she walks past me, grazing my hand with her hip. "No, I just know what my man likes."

I reached out and grabbed her hips, pulling her backwards into my front, "Wanna share the hot water?"

She hummed like she was thinking for a second before nodding, pretending to be unaware of how affected I was at the present moment. "Yes sir."

_Good. _I thought as I moved her forward and smacked her butt lightly, making her squeak and then giggle. _God damn it all, I want to bend her over. _I bit my knuckle to keep myself from actually doing anything. _Shower, Jasper shower. _

Once in the shower, my thoughts went into a lust filled overdrive. We've showered together before, but we had yet to actually fuck in here. I mean we've done it on the floor, and on top of the sink, but never under the stream of water. And I wanted to, badly. We took turns washing each other, I was accused of washing her breasts, legs and rear a little longer than necessary. _What can I say? I really like me some Alice. _

When she washed me, she washed every part of my body but the one part that was literally jumping at the chance of being touched by her. She bit her lip so seductively when she finally decided to wash my little friend, wrapping her hand loosely and sliding it up and down. I couldn't think anymore when she did that. I just let my head loll back and I groaned. She picked up speed and I could feel my balls tighten from the feeling. I was getting closer, but I didn't want to cum in her hand. _No fucking way, if I had to be at the treatment center for six to eight weeks then I was getting off inside her dammit! _

"Kitten." I all but moaned out.

"Hmmm?" She was watching her own hand pumping me. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

"I need you kitten…" I moaned, trying to regain my composure.

"Now?" She giggled out.

"Now." I growled out of frustration more than anything.

She looked up at me, her eyes half lidded and filled with lust as she nodded, "'Kay."

She pulled her hand away and I rinsed off quickly before pressing her against my body. I kissed up her neck, licking the little droplets of water that had gathered there and squeezed her bottom in my hands before lifting her level with me. Our mouths met and she rubbed herself against me. I got the hint, I moved us up against the wall and thrust inside of her quickly, my eyes rolling into my head from the pleasure and began pumping myself in and out, desperate to get off.

"Oh God! Jasper!" She cried out suddenly, her body spasming and her inner walls squeezing me as I pulled and pushed, bringing me to my breaking point.

"Ung, Alice…" I groaned against the hollow at the base of her ear. We rested there for a minute, trying to will my legs to move because they had seemed to lock themselves in place. She burst into giggles and made me laugh as well, which seemed to help as I lowered her and we rinsed ourselves off.

An hour later we sat in the car together, Mom was driving and Dad was in the passenger seat, holding hands as Alice and I cuddled in the back seat. Our sadness and unease saturated the air. I was somewhat happy that Alice was going to be staying with my adoptive family while I was gone, but sad that we had to leave our happy little bubble. I was also saddened by the loss of the comfortable routine we had together.

We drove through the iron gates, a sign 'The Volturri Mental Wellness and Rehabilitation Center', greeted us from its perch on the brick wall. I hated this place. I hugged Alice closer to me.

I felt her hand on my face and I moved to look at her. "Don't worry, you'll be back home with me before you know it Jazzy…" She told me as she brushed the hair out of my eyes.

It felt as though my heart was going to burst from the emotional strain of it all, "I'm gonna miss you kitten."

"I'm gonna miss you too, but we can talk everyday on the phone 'kay? And when I can come see you I'll be here every day I promise."

I nodded slightly at her, "And baby, no matter what I say... know I love you. Forever." I knew the withdrawals and depression would be intense, I didn't want her to take anything bad I might say to her seriously.

She chewed on her lip, thinking for a moment before saying, "I love you too Jasper."

I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers. "I can't wait till I can be with you in our home again." I told her, giving her a small smile. I couldn't wait to get back into my bubble with her.

She wrapped her arms around me tightly and I felt her head move up and down against my chest. I hugged her back and buried my face in her hair. So sweet and floral. I'd miss that smell. "Yes _our _home."

I could barely contain the grin when she said that. _Our home. Nice ring to it huh? _"I love you so, so much."

"I love you Jasper." She murmured from my chest.

"Are you ready?" Esme said gently from the front seat. _Well, this must be so easy for her, I didn't want to leave Alice, I wanted to figure out a way to bring her with me._

Apparently my Alice had the same thoughts. "No." She mumbled into my chest as she held me tighter. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I kissed the top of her head soothingly, hoping she'd be okay.

I heard her take a shaky breath, before her own red rimmed eyes met mine. Don't cry in front of her Jasper. "Come home to me okay?"

"I will baby," I choked out, unaware of how close to tears I actually was. "As long as you'll still want me."

I felt her hand wipe the wetness from my cheek as she forced a rather pathetic laugh. "Always Jasper." She gave me a smile, "I'll always want you."

"I'll always want you too." I pressed my lips to hers and felt her smile briefly before she deepened the kiss. I savored it, the tingles, the haziness, the rush of emotion it brought. After a few minutes I realized this was probably not the best place and broke the kiss, "I'll call you tonight if I can okay?"

She nodded. "Oh wait I forgot," she pulled out a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to me. I looked at her oddly. "It's not much." She shrugged, "But I know you like my drawings…"

I opened it to look, it was a drawing of us and judging by the detail, it was one of her future drawings, and the thought brought me so much hope for us. Because in the picture we were sitting on a couch together, kissing and I was feeling her up, I could practically feel it already. "Thanks Alice baby…" I told her before pressing my lips against hers again, once, twice, three times. Until she giggled. "I love it." I told her smiling as I pulled away.

She bit into that full bottom lip of hers and smiled. "Just remember that I love you and I'm waiting for you when it gets rough okay?"

"I will." I assured her, kissing her forehead before I pressed my forehead to hers for a moment. _Please don't stop loving me, Alice. _I gave her one final look of longing as I got out of the car and started to walk with Carlisle up to the brick building. It was cloudy and about to rain, perfect for the mood in my opinion.

-----

How strange, I had the same room I always had, the one overlooking the fields. I wondered if they kept this room just for me, as a favor to my father or something. He was close personal friends with the director, Aro. I stared out the window as the rain poured down, the window looking as if it were underneath a waterfall.

_A week Jasper. You can do this, a week till you can see your kitten. _

"Hello Jasper." _Fuck. Damn. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _I turned slowly towards where the voice came from. Standing there in god awful pink scrubs, her blond hair up in what I was assuming to be a 'messy' bun, her brown eyes narrowed slightly at me was Nettie.

"Hey. How's it going?" I diverted my eyes and pushed my hands in my pockets, slouching until I got to my bed and sat on it, hoping she'd leave me alone.

No such luck, she came closer, resting her hand on her hip. "I've missed you." She purred. _Gag me. _I used to shove my dick in her mouth to get her to shut up, now she's going to be insufferable.

"I haven't thought about you." I told her honestly, I hadn't, she wasn't even my type really. She was just a really easy lay while I was here. I looked back up to her face to notice she was glaring at me, face full of hate. I smirked, which seemed to have the opposite reaction then I had been expecting. Her face seemed to soften. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"Well, I can see you don't want me here," she told me as she turned and wiggled her ass at me. _I've seen better lady. _"See you later then?" She asked, looking over her shoulder with a hopeful expression.

"Probably." You work here and all lady.

She left and I let myself fall back on the bed. Why did I let myself get involved with her? Oh right, I was wanting to fuck a MILF and boom there she was. God, I should've been a little more picky.

-------

Four days passed. Four days where I sweated, cried, threw up, cried some more, flipped out so badly that they sedated me and thanked every God I could think of that Alice didn't have to see this. I talked on the phone with Alice every night, well scratch that I didn't talk, I listened to her talk. I slept restlessly while I was going through withdrawals and I chewed my nails down to nubs.

Mom came by and dropped off some pictures she had taken of Alice, Edward, Emmett, Rose and the girls. I taped them up on the wall, except for one that I kept on my nightstand. I looked at it every night. She looked well, happy, but like she was missing me. I missed her so badly I think half the withdrawal was actually from her.

She also brought me some sweat pants, tee shirts, boxers and basketball shorts. Apparently Alice had told her I needed comfortable clothes. I chuckled a little at that. Even as far away as she was, she was trying to take care of me. She was right though the comfortable clothes made things a little better. My entire body still felt like it was on fire with desire to get high. I was constantly wondering if I was ever going to make it.

Day five was a little better, only because I didn't throw up the entire time.

It was also the day of my first group therapy. I was grouped together with a bunch of addicts who had also been abused as children in various ways, all together there were seven of us in this particular group. And today it was being run by Nettie. Fan-fucking-tastic.

It's a support group for the most part. We have a nurse who supervises and urges us to talk, while we just talk about whatever and get things out in the open.

"Alright how about we talk about how we ended up in here this time?" Nettie asked us in her shrill voice. Bitch needs a dick in her mouth, her voice is grating on my nerves.

Peter a guy who was a bit older than me with a stockier build started, "My name is Peter, my fiancé Charlotte thinks I have a drug problem."

Nettie nodded and gave him what others would assume was a polite smile while he continued. I almost rolled my eyes, bitch was calculating, she loved dick almost as much as I loved pussy. I shook my head a little and chewed my cheek, waiting for it to get to me as I stared at my slippers. At last I heard the guy, Jorge, next to me finish his ramblings about being an alcoholic and heard the dead silence that meant it was my turn.

"My name is Jasper, I am addicted to crystal meth." I smiled a little at the fact that I was the only person to actually admit that. "I am here because I need to get off that shit for good, I want to be a better man to my girlfriend."

"What's your girlfriend's name?" Nettie asked quickly.

"Alice." I smiled just saying her name, still looking at the floor.

"What's she like?" Peter asked interested, I looked up to see him giving me a genuine smile, I was grateful for that.

"She's my sunshine." I told him, laughing a little at my corniness and looking back to the ground. "She perfect, she's not afraid to put me in my place, she's a little naïve, but she's young still so I won't give her too much crap."

"How young?" Peter asked again, I looked up to see him giving me the eyebrow.

"Seventeen, but I'm only twenty one… and her parents didn't want her." I shrugged and looked back to the ground, feeling very uncomfortable. Most of the men around me were murmuring that it didn't seem like that bad of an age difference and I felt a little bit of tension being released.

"I don't understand." Nettie said, her voice even in tone, which scared me, I wrinkled my brows together and looked up at her. "Don't you think it's wrong that you are showing a bit of a pedophile tendency by being involved with her?"

_Wait. What the fuck? _I just stared at her in disbelief. The nurses aren't supposed to say things like that in support group.

After I didn't say anything the group continued on. I stayed quiet for the rest of the session, staring at the floor and thinking about Nettie's words.

After group I shuffled back to my room quickly, avoiding Peter and a few of the other guys who were trying to get my attention. I didn't want their company at the moment. I needed to think. Maybe in a few days I'll hang with them. After wallowing for a few hours I reemerged to try to eat dinner with the rest of the population, meat loaf, which was disgusting, mashed potatoes, definitely the boxed kind, and creamed corn, well I guess I had to like one thing from the meal.

Then it was the most exciting part of my day, calling Alice. I went to my usual phone booth and dialed the house number quickly and settled into the chair, resting my cheek on my knee as I waited for someone to answer.

"Cullen Residence." A polite voice chirped. My little Alice.

"Hey Kitten." I snickered at how proper she sounded.

"Jazzy! Hi." She sounded happy, _really_ happy to hear from me.

"How is your day going baby?"

"Okay I got to meet the girls today. They told me to tell you that they love you. How are you?"

The girls, better known as my nieces; beauties all, blonde like their mommy, but with the quick smile of their father. "Tell them I love them too... and today was... Today." I sighed, thinking about Nettie's words.

"I will... what happened babe?" She sounded concerned.

"Group therapy, it sucked." I informed her, shrugging. "That's 'bout it."

She sighed, "I'm sorry babe."

"Don't worry 'bout it kitten. I just miss you a lot."

"I miss you too," I could hear her smile in her voice. "So much so I think your dad is avoiding me." She laughed.

I chuckled at the thought of him hiding from her, "Wanna tell me why?"

She gave a slightly embarrassed laugh, "It's kinda stupid now... but I've been asking him a bunch of questions about you and some other things and now when he comes home from work he pretty much locks himself in the office until dinner. I think Monday will be the first time he and I will be around each other for more than just dinner. Oh! Did Esme tell you? They're fostering me so I can go back to school in the fall. That's where we're going Monday before I can see you. Apparently we have to talk to their lawyer first."

She sounded like she wanted to tell me so much, I could tell she missed me. And I was genuinely happy that they were going to foster her, I worried a little over if she was going to continue to live with me but then figured we could talk about it at some other point. Maybe it was for the best. "That's great kitten." I told her smiling a little.

"I love you Jasper." She said happily.

My face did the automatic Alice smile, "I love you Alice."

I heard the door close, I wondered why. "Good... ugh I wish you were here…" She trailed off seductively.

_Fuck. _I was instantly very hard and thinking about her. I bit my lip, debating on whether or not to take the bait and rested my cheek on my knee, scooted close to phone, praying no one could hear this. "Yeah?" I dropped my voice to a whisper. "God baby do I miss you."

"Mmhmm... it's very lonely at night…" She trailed off again, _shit. _Thoughts of our nights together filled my mind. _Dear lord, this whole rehab thing might fucking kill me._

"Yeah it is…" I agreed, looking around to see that I was alone in the common room except for one person, that guy Peter who was talking on a phone on the other side of the room. I turned my attention back to the girl on the phone. "I ache for you kitten." I meant it too, my arms, my lips, my body and right now, my dick all ached for her. I needed a get a fix of her. _Who've thought, I'm addicted to Alice._

She gasped in mock horror, "Oh no... my poor Jasper. What can I do to help?"

_Come here, sneak in, get naked, let me bend you over my bed. _I smirked, probably not gonna happen, plan b? "Give me a good mental image to go to sleep with?"

"A good image huh?" She sounded like she was thinking about it.

"Yeah…" _A good naked image. _I bit back a grin.

"Hmmm... well I know when I'm lonely. I think of you touching me while I'm doing it…"

"Doing what?" I whispered.

"When I touch myself…"

The image of Alice fucking herself with the toy I got her popped into my mind and I was suddenly sure my boner was gonna break through my pants. I laid my head on the desk, _why the fuck did I ask? _"Really?" I groaned out.

"Mmmhmm." She purred. _Oh mother of… why did that sound seem to go straight through me every time? _I was about to go AWOL on this place and go fuck my girlfriend. Lord knows I wanted to. _HARD. _God we need to change the subject… or something.

"So why are you hiding in your room kitten?" I asked her playfully.

She giggled, "'Cause we're having a private conversation…"

"How much more of this private conversation you willin' to have?"

"Depends on you, sexy." She said in a seductive tone.

"What, exactly, depends on me?"

"It depends on if you can and are willing to continue it. 'Cause I could keep telling all about the things you do to me in my dreams if you want me to…" She trailed off suggestively, my dick twitched. _I'll take that for a yes._

"Please do…" I purred back at her.

"Are you sure Jazzy? 'Cause it's pretty explicit... you know involves Orange Juice and all."

I nodded, forgetting she couldn't see my head movements. "Yes Kitten, please."

"Well you always start with a kiss and the way your tongue feels against mine always makes me wet with excitement." I could almost feel that shit, I closed my eyes to just let myself imagine it.

"Yeah…" I breathed, urging her to continue.

"Mmmhmm... and then you kiss down my neck as your hand slides between my thighs…"

"I like that…" I whispered.

"I know you do, 'cause you always groan when you feel how excited I am."

I nodded, "Yeah…"

"Do you know what you always do next Jasper?" _Sorry you want me to think? I don't think I have enough blood up north for that. _

"What baby?"

"Touch me." She sounded breathless and I wondered if she was touching herself. I grabbed my junk and pressed down, trying my hardest not to stroke in the middle of the common area. I bit my lip and imagined fingering her and then tasting her. She tasted so good, I could die eating her out and be perfectly okay with it.

"Baby?" It came out as a hoarse whisper.

"Yeah?" She all but moaned back. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

"If you continue talking like that then I'm gonna need to beat off and where I am isn't exactly the place I wanna do that." I admitted, whispering still.

She giggled, little minx. "Sorry Jazzy... but did I help? 'Cause I'm sure you knew what you did next."

"Oh yeah baby... God I am so gonna think about you. All. Night. Long."

"Good, 'cause I'll be thinking about you too."

_She what? Oh my little kitten_. I grabbed myself harder, shit that image of her fucking herself flew into my head again, "You gonna wear something nice for me on Monday?"

"Oh yeah, already got it ready and picked out. I bought it with you in mind."

How could she pick out something with me in mind? "Really now?"

"Uh huh... Cute shoes… and top…"

"No pants?" I teased.

"Nope." She popped the p.

She was being a tease now, I smirked. "Skirt?"

"Yep." She knows what a skirt on her does to me!

"You are trying to kill me aren't you?"

She giggled. That was a yes. "No. I just want to look good for you."

"Hmmm good... I think we're gonna take a walk…" _So I can take you against a fucking tree. _

"Sounds good to me babe."

"And I might kiss you to death." I told her, omitting the whole fucking the life out of her part.

She gave a dreamy sigh. "Then I would die happy."

That made me smile, "Two more days baby...I feel like I am dying without you."

"I know babe... God I can't wait to see you again."

"Do you mind if I be rude and steal you for an hour?" I was only half asking permission, if anything it was a warning.

"I'm insulted! Just an hour?" She pretended to be horrified at the thought before laughing. "If you don't steal me, I'll steal you…"

I laughed, "Fine I'll steal you away the entire two hours."

"Can't I just stay in the closet and then like after you have to go to bed, sleep with you? I promise to be quiet." She giggled, like she could ever be quiet.

"I wish baby, you have no idea how much I wish that."

She sighed, "But this is a good thing right? You being there?"

"Yeah... I think so…" I rubbed my face roughly. "I hope so... I mean I'm over the whole puking my guts up part... so that's good right?" I tried my best to sound positive about it as I picked at the desk.

"Yeah that is good babe…" Her voice was smiling, "Just think when you're done in there you get to come back to our place with me…" She laughed, "And I am so taking the phone of the hook and locking you in the bedroom with me."

_For a week, only coming out for breaks. _I added in my head. "I would love that. Really love it."

"Me too." She agreed happily.

"Is Edward bothering you too much?" I chewed my lip, hoping she wouldn't suddenly gain some interest in him and go visiting him at night.

"No, he took me to the mall the other day so I could hang out with that girl Bella I met, but I haven't seen much of him since you went to rehab. I see more of Emmett than Edward."

I almost sighed audibly, "Cool." I smiled. "So is Bella looking like she could be a friend?"

"I think so. I mean she said even if I don't go to Seattle Prep that we could still hang out. But I think Esme said we're in the district at home so I might be able to get in. I think you'd like her Jazzy, Bella I mean. She's quiet like you, but can make you laugh when she trips like Emmett does."

"I got all the girl I can handle baby... and is that the school where…" I cleared my throat, "Um the girls there wear uniforms right?"

"Yeah... From what I saw online though, even though it's a public school, they test to see if you're Prep material." I could hear her roll her eyes.

"I bet you are baby, you're really smart."

She laughed, "I guess, I hope the uniforms aren't plain looking." _Oh no, they aren't. Do I really want her to know how I know though?_

I cleared my throat again, "They aren't kitten."

"Really?" She sounded intrigued.

"Yep."

She giggled, "Well there's an image for you tonight... me in the little uniform."

Alice in that uniform, Alice bending over in that uniform… oh my mind was really racing now. "Yeah…" I groaned.

"I wonder if the skirts are short…"

"Short enough." I responded automatically, mentally bitch slapping myself.

"Short enough for what?"

I chewed my upper lip, do I tell her about the random girl I picked up there? She was 18 and all over me… and the uniform was a plus for me. Maybe if I tell her a little bit she won't ask any more questions. "Easy access." I whispered, half hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"Uh huh... is there something you need to tell me Jasper?"

I chewed my thumbnail, not sure if I wanted to tell her about all this, "I know where the school is?"

"Uh huh... is that it?"

"And I may like those uniforms?"

She giggled, "Is it the uniform or any plaid skirt?"

"Umm the uniform."

"We'll see…" She whispered, what the fuck did that mean? Then my mind once again went wild and for some odd reason the image hit me; _I was bending my sweet Alice over the bed, pushing that little uniform skirt up and lowering her lacey panties down her legs before… _

"Sweet Jesus." I smacked my head against the desk.

"Babe? Are you okay?" She sounded concerned.

"I'll live." I groaned, holding my cock for dear life, damn thing felt like it was gonna burst.

"Aww… my poor Jasper." I could tell she was laughing a little.

"Do me a favor and don't wear a thong under those skirts?"

"Okay…"

"Thanks baby... I think I gotta go to bed... and take care of myself." I told her, smirking.

She giggled, "Gonna think of me I hope... I love you Jasper."

"Of course...who else would I think of? I love you kitten"

"Sweet dreams Jazzy."

"You too Alice." I waited for her to hang up first, then hung up on my end and ran as fast as I could back to my room. Shutting the door and leaned against it as I dropped my pants and stroked myself quickly to the image of Alice in the uniform, and me doing really dirty things to her while she was wearing it.

----

The next day was hell, complete and total hell. Nettie decided to tell some of the doctors at this happy place that she thought I was displaying some pedophilic tendencies. I had to do a battery of tests and the claim was dismissed, but that left some nagging doubts in my head. I had a quick chat with Alice that night, telling her I was tired and couldn't wait to see her the next day then went to bed and had an uneasy sleep.

Monday was a day I had been waiting for all week, I was filled with happiness but also dread that quickly vanished when I saw her. My sunshine. Looking really fucking hot. _God I love this chick. _

_

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_

**End Note:**

**Robs:** So we're some busy bitches lately.

**K:** **scowls at Chapter 17 of DaS**

**Robs:** It's okay bb you'll work through it

**K:** At least with The Reborn Jasper's cocky as fuck so he's fun ^.^

**Robs:** True and I am quite partial to my bad ass Alice :D

**K:** **nods** She is all kinds of awesome

**Robs:** In two weeks we're gonna release that story. I am so excited for everyone to read it, it's different than DaS and OMS but **shrugs** it's fun...

**K:** And short! hahahahahaha O_O

**Robs:** **nods** 15 chapters **claps** a short story from us? Who would've thought?

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that... and now be kind enough to inspire K to continue writing... **REVIEW!**


	16. Time With The Cullens

**Disclaimer:** We still don't own Jasper and Alice and un-fucking-fortunately, The Fairy Godmother now has a restraining order against K, so yeah not happening. But YOU can own us for a one shot if you win the auction ;)

**K: **Thanks to everyone that voted yes on the poll. We were already swayed to join but wow you all want to make us your bitches so how could we say no? ;) So this week has been hard both in RL and in the fandom but thanks for your love and encouragement for my PIC, I don't know what I'd do without her. This is also hard week for Alice…

**Robs:** We wanna thank everyone for their support and reviews, and the epic pimp out we got on the Fornication Station, thank you especially Lis, Amber, Conty, Sara, Kim, Jess, Alyce, Realynn, Linds, Anna and of course K for getting me out of my angst ridden rut earlier this week. Make sure you bought stock in Kleenix. Just sayin'.

Much love and pervy picture chats for our beta Amber, who put up with K's random laughing fit in the middle of making this chapter red pen approved. She is Mistress Red Pen :)

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**Time with the Cullens**

_Your absence has gone through me  
Like thread through a needle  
Everything I do is stitched with its color.  
~W.S. Merwin, "Separation"_

It's funny how you don't realize how to label your relationship until you've had time to sit back and think about it.

According to the books I found about addiction, living with addiction or life after the addiction; Jasper and I have a typical codependency relationship. He is dependant on his drug to get by, a fact that I am well aware of; and I was enabling him. Whether it was directly or indirectly, it didn't matter. Everything I said or did could make him need that next fix. Either way, I was slowly killing him.

But after thinking about this for the two days that I locked myself up in his old room, he was my drug. I couldn't do shit without him. I was lucky that I remembered who I was while he was gone. So I guess in a way, he would slowly kill me if things turned to shit.

He called me Monday night like he promised, even teased me a little about the fact that I was the only girl in Washington that would wear big sunglasses on an overcastted day. I didn't want to tell him the sunglasses were so his parents didn't have to see my tears as I contemplated what I could take to make it so I was there with him.

Pathetic, yeah I know. But fuck it was easier then picturing being alone.

I thought Edward would be there as a friend. I was wrong. He was avoiding me. Carlisle had said that he was working overtime because the hospital was short staffed due to budget cuts. But I knew better. I put him in an awkward place wanting to be his friend when I knew how he felt.

Was it really so selfish of me to want to keep the only friend I had at the time at the risk of hurting him?

"No, I don't think its wrong Alice. I mean it's not your fault that both the boys want to fuck you."

I snorted at my friend's reasoning. "I never said Ed wanted to fuck me Bells. I'm just tired of him being a wuss and not talk to me you know?"

"Yeah, I get it Alice," she sighed. "But you are one lucky cow. Granted I've never seen Jasper, but holy crow Edward's hot!" she giggled loudly causing me to laugh.

"Nah, I think Jazz is hotter." I shot back. I could hear noises coming from down stairs, which was odd because I thought it was only me and Esme at the house. "Hey Bells, can I call you back, there's something going on down stairs."

"Oh yeah, but remember to get dressed! Knowing you, you were mopping and still in your pjs." She teased.

"Nah, I sleep in the nude but thanks for the reminder!" I teased back and laughed as Bella choked.

"Tease," she snorted before saying goodbye.

I jumped off the bed and quickly pulled my jeans back on. I knew that I was supposed to go shopping this week with Esme. Apparently in my initial fog after we dropped Jasper off, she wound up packing my clothes and was appalled at my lack of options.

I went through Jasper's closet surprised to see that he still had clothes in here. It was a big fucking closet too. My fingers danced along the various fabrics and shades of colors in his wardrobe. The Jasper that these belonged to intrigued me, surely my Jasper wouldn't wear a pale yellow dress shirt.

I stopped at the back of the closet where his coats were. He has several jackets including a blue and gold letterman jacket that made me smile at the thought of him wearing it proudly, as well as a black leather jacket.

_Fuck me, that's hot_, I thought as I pulled down a grey hoodie.

I slipped it on over my head and pulled my hair out. At least with the hoodie it was almost like having him here with me.

Almost.

I started heading down the stairs when the noises got louder. Esme was laughing as there were several voices talking to her in rapid succession, and a deep booming laugh joined Esme's.

When I reached the landing I craned my neck to see three very blonde girls crowding around Esme and a very big -like put The Rock to shame big- man trying to calm them down.

Deciding not to invade on their moment, I quickly turned to head back up the stairs but stopped when the big dude said my name.

"Hi there Alice!" He said cheerfully. I turned and gave him a weary smile. It was only then did I notice the dark curly hair and dimples that I realize this big bear of a dude was Emmett.

"Hi Emmett," I chirped back happily. I could see Esme look slightly taken aback by my happiness, but there had to be a reason why Jasper trusted Emmett the most right?

Emmett looked over at Esme and smiled. "See told you she'd know my name," he teased before looking at up at me. "Where's my hug shortie?!"

_Shortie?_

I raised my eyebrow at him and laughed. "I didn't know it was required," I said stepping off the stairs and walking to them.

Emmett sighed as he kicked the tile at the floor. "I guess if you don't want to give me one…"

"Aww..." I laughed. I couldn't help it, he was pouting! I went up to him and wrapped my arms around him. He proceeded to lift me off the ground and hug me tight causing me to squeal and laugh harder.

I could see Esme shake her head at us as Emmett's three little girls looked at us in confusion. "You fell for his standard guilt trip," she teased.

I laughed and shrugged. "I need a hug." Esme gave me a gentle smile.

"See, I know what kids need ma." Emmett joked. I rolled my eyes at him. "So has my little brother been treatin' you right?" he asked me. I just blushed and nodded in response.

"Why you blushin'?" he asked, clearly amused with my reaction.

"I dunno," I lied as I bit back a grin. I knew why I was blushing but there was no way in hell I was gonna say that in front of Esme and his kids.

"So ma thinks you'll mind us being over for dinner."

"Why would I mind?" I asked confused as I looked at Esme. Why does my opinion matter?

"Because you're still adjusting to not being around Jasper dear and well... Rosie can be a bit to deal with." She explained.

Oh right, so I guess my moping in the room and only coming out to get the phone to call Bella was noticeable.

"Yeah, but you guys shouldn't have to put things on hold because of me..." I defended as I chewed on my lip. I already felt like a shit for making them feel like they had to arrange their family time around me.

"We're not honey," Esme assured me as she rubbed my arm in comfort.

"Yeah, I was just inviting myself over because I didn't want to cook dinner... really I am just being lazy."

I laughed at Emmett's side of the story as Esme chuckled at him. "I think it'd be okay..."

Esme smiled brightly at me, "Okay...are you going to have your friend over?"

I smiled at the thought of having Bella over. Maybe if Esme knew that she was a cop's kid she would be okay with her even staying over. "If that's okay with you," I bounced a little in place praying she'd say yes. "She's Chief Swan's daughter. I know Carlisle knows him." I chewed my cheek nervously and bit down a little to hard.

_Note to self: don't chew on cheek and bounce at the same time._

"Yes, that would be wonderful."

"Kay," I nodded trying to tome down the excitement. "I'll call her later and find out if she can come over. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Esme said as she picked up the smallest of the girls.

"Sooo," Emmett started, rubbing his hands together. "What do you want for dinner squirt?"

_Squirt?_

Again I raised my eyebrow at him. "What do the girls like?" I asked nodding my head in their direction. Now that all three were facing me I could tell who was whom from what Jasper had told me.

"I like Mac and cheese, and broccoli, and chicken," Amber the tallest of the three listed off, giving her grandma a grin when she mentioned her favorite vegtebal.

"Mac and cheese with hot dogs or ham and rice," Anna the one standing closer to her dad and half hiding behind him said softly.

Kayla, the one I knew to be the youngest, currently had her head hidden in Esme's shoulder. Esme rubbed her back and whispered something to her that made Kayla look at me with a small smile. "Pizza," she said quickly before hiding her face again.

I chewed my lip as I thought the answers over. "Um well those are all good choices..."

Emmett chuckled as Amber tugged on his hand some. "Want pizza little Miss?"

I nodded, "That sounds good."

Esme rolled her eyes as she put Kayla back down before pointing to me and Emmett. "You two are making a salad... I'll call Papa Johns."

I shrugged, salad was easy. "Okay," I agreed as I headed to the kitchen.

"Alright girls, go play in the playroom and be good." Emmett said to his girls before they nodded and ran off to the direction that I guess the play room was.

"Wow you really are a papa bear," I teased smirking at him as he came into the kitchen.

"I prefer to be called a 'manly man' thank you."

I laughed as I grabbed a bowl big enough for the salad. "Okay papa bear."

"Alrighty then pixie," he shot back as he went to the fridge.

I snorted at him. "Pixie?"

He tossed the head of lettuce at me and I caught it earning an approving smirk from him as he carried the tomatoes cucumbers and cheese to the counter. "Coz you're itty bitty," he answered me finally.

"Ha! Not my fault your water was spiked with growth hormones growing up." I teased.

He set the veggies down and clutched his chest over his heart. "Ouch!" he said dramatically. "What on earth makes you think it was spiked?"

"Cause you, Ed, and Jazzy are all tall as," I looked around to make sure Esme or the girls weren't around before whispering, "fuck."

He licked his lip and seemed to be thinking over my answer. "Huh...." tilting his head to the side as he thought some more. "Damn you could be right."

I laughed as I started to wash the vegetables off. "No, I just didn't drink milk enough growing up," I joked.

That made him laugh heartily. "Are you really barely seventeen?"

I looked at him over my shoulder with my eyebrow raised as I set a tomato on the towel. "Yes why?"

He just chuckled and shook his head. "God I feel old... I was adopted the year you were born."

I smiled and shook my head at him. "You're not that old."

"I'm gonna turn 30 next year... seriously... I am over the hill," he informed me. I looked over at him. There was no way he was close to thirty! If anything, he looked like he was fresh out of college. What the hell was he whining about if he looked that good at his age?

I laughed. "I didn't peg you to be the drama queen of the Cullen kids," I teased.

He sighed and shook his head, "No. Sadly that title belongs to the baby bitch Edward... where is he anyway?"

I looked down at the head of lettuce I had just cleaned off. _He's avoiding me._ I frowned at my thoughts. I had no idea why it upset me but it did. I just shrugged in response to Emmett.

"You're good with knives right?" Emmett asked.

I nodded knowing what he meant. "Yeah." If I wasn't, Jasper and I would be living on spaghetti-o's and scrambled eggs.

I watched him open the drawer that had a set of expensive looking chef's knives. He handed me one before getting one for himself, "Good."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome..." he smiled at me, which I had to admit was infectious cause I felt myself smiling right back at him. "You know Jasper loves you a lot right?"

"That's what I hear," I said softly as the blood rushed to my face again.

"There's that blush again," He said chuckling.

I rolled my eyes at him and threw a top leaf at him. "Shut up," I laughed as he ducked the flying lettuce.

He shook his head as he started cutting up the cheese. "Man the first time I saw him after you came into his life..."

I tilted my head slightly, "What?"

"He just smiled, like I hadn't seen him smile for years... and then when he looked at you... I know these things, 'kay? He was in love with you. I could tell, or quickly falling."

"I love him too..." I said shyly as I smiled.

"I figured," he responded, the smile clear in his voice.

"So is Rose really as bad as everyone makes her seem?" I asked looking over at him as I put the lettuce in the bowl.

He smiled and shook his head. "Nah, she's just shy... but doesn't take any bull shit..." he shrugged. "She has Jasper's past but was saved sooner, you know?"

I didn't know much about Jasper's past, just the bits that Esme and Carlisle told me. I nodded, cause I could figure from what I knew, it wasn't good.

"She's a good person, she just doesn't approve of Jasper's lifestyle," he explained as he scratched his nose. "It's rather funny to me how much animosity those two have against each other considering their past."

I raised an eyebrow at him as I took a tomato. "Their past, were they close?"

Emmett looked up at me. "He didn't tell you?" I shook my head no. "Has he told you the rules of the house?"

I nodded, "I know there is no sex in the house and that the third step from the landing squeaks..." I bit my lip remembering what I did to Jasper in his room.

Emmett nodded. "Yeah, he ever…" he scratched his nose again before leaning against the counter and clearing his throat. "He ever tell you how he knows about the step or why we have that rule?"

I shook my head, "No."

"Well... little Jasper," he said before laughing a little. Again he scratched at his nose, making wonder if that was a nervous tick for him. "Needed a release... Rosie walked in and got curious..."

"Wait..." I stopped him trying not to laugh at young Jasper getting walked in by his foster sister. "Your future wife walked in on Jasper.... you know..."

He laughed a little. "Yeah. Well…" he rubbed the back of his neck, "he taught her how to give great hand jobs."

_Wait he did what now?_ I felt my eyes widen at Emmett's information.

"Oh... well I can see why he never told me then," I gave Emmett a small smile hopping he didn't think I was mad at him.

"You're okay with it right?"

I laughed slightly as his question. Why wouldn't I be? I was sure there were things about his past I didn't know like he didn't know about mine. "Yeah," I shrugged, "it's his past and that's where the past usually stays right?" I tried to clarify.

He nodded, "Yep. Besides they were never attracted to each other..." he pursed his lips as he thought it over. "That was probably a good thing."

I laughed at the thought of them being attracted to each other and what would have happened now. "Yeah, cause you and I wouldn't be having this conversation."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You think not? "

I shrugged, who's to say if they were attracted to each other that they still would be together. Ugh, really didn't want to think about my Jasper with another girl right now. "Who knows," I offered simply.

Emmett shrugged in return. "So yeah," he said trying to make things less awkward. "Well Rose decided to seduce me one night and show off her newfound skills and we got caught. It was bad," he added laughing.

I laughed with him, being thankful that I actually had a reason to have a decent laugh. "Could you not keep quiet?" I asked teasing him.

He looked at me with a straight face, "Nope," and with that he started laughing harder. Full on belly laughs that you didn't believe existed until you witnessed them yourself.

_At least he's honest_.

"I can see why Jasper respects you the most," I informed him as I placed a handful of tomatoes with the lettuce.

"Why? He what?" He looked at me clearly confused.

I sighed and laughed a little. "Well, see out of you and Ed, when you're name is brought up, he has a genuine smile. Which from what I know about him, means that he genuinely cares. He holds a lot of respect for you, which is obvious in his voice when he talks about you. And I can see why."

Emmett cleared his throat a little and wiped at his face as he fought to keep the grin off his face. But the way his left eyebrow seemed to dance as well as the dimple forming on his right cheek told a different story. "And why is that?"

"Because you're honest, but not in a condensinding way like someone else we know. And you obviously care alot for others and see past the wrongs they've done in their own past." I told him giving him a slight nod as I finished my speech, feeling oddly proud for seeing those traits in both Jasper and Emmett.

"We've all fucked up," he said while shrugging. "We all have pasts..."

"Exactly!" I pointed at him with enthusiasm. Wow_, why was I getting worked up over this?_ "And you still love him for his faults." I nodded again and shook my head."I know Ed loves him too, but he tends to show his judgement towards Jazzy and I know that's put a strain on their relationship..."

And me, I thought as I chewed my cheek and turned back to the next tomato.

I saw his eyebrow shoot up at me out of the corner of my eye. "Yeah.." he trailed off while he started chopping faster.

_Good job Alice, you made him uncomfortable. _I scolded myself

"Sorry," I apologized lamely.

"For what short cakes?" he asked.

_Seriously, is every nick name gonna be about me being vertically challenged?_

"I made you uncomfortable?" _Yeah, I so did not mean to make that a question._

"Nope," he said scrapping the cucumbers into the bowl. "I ain't uncomfortable lady."

"Okay." _Yeah, so didn't believe him._

"Ed and Jasper are alot closer thank you think." Emmett said in a knowing voice. "Like they were always the ones wrestling and what not," he explained.

"Really?" I asked with a small smile.

He nodded, "Yeah."

I snorted a laugh when I thought about what Edward had said in the mall when I called him a freak. "Ed said that he and Jazz had to learn to be sneaky to get you... I never thought that they..." I shook my head. I had no idea why it was so hard for me to imagine them being as close as Emmett was implying.

"That they what, wrestled each other?" He asked.

"Well no, I guess that's a typical brother thing." I shrugged not really knowing how to explain my thoughts without throwing Edward under the bus."I don't know maybe I'm just assuming to much."

Okay that definitely piqued his curiosity because again his damn eyebrow flew up. "What?"

"It's nothing," I said shaking my head. And I promised Edward his secret was safe with me.

"Come on you can tell me," he prodded.

I sighed as I put the last of the tomatoes in the bowl and took my tools to the sink. "Well... they just seem like, I don't know..." I rinsed off the knife and cutting board before washing my hands. "On edge around each other," I explained as I dried my hands off. "So when you say that they used to play around and stuff... I just don't understand. If they were so close what happened to change it all?"

Emmett let out a heavy sigh. "Well... little missy... like all brothers Jasper and Edward tend to be competitive..." He trailed off studying me. I wasn't dense I could understand that much, so I nodded at him to get him to continue. "And right now they are competeing." He said with a smile.

Why are they competing though? Edward had a career as a doctor, so I guess I could see Jasper wanting something more then what he had for work. And Jasper had his own apartment, but technically he didn't.

I felt my eyebrows knit together as I tried to figure out what he was saying but I was fucking lost. "But why?" I asked shaking my head. "I mean Ed wouldn't want what...." And then it hit me like a fucking lightning bolt.

Jasper has a girl.

Jasper has love with said girl.

Jasper has me.

I quickly covered my mouth as I gasped, "Oh my god!"

Me, this was all about me! Jasper has me, Edward wants me. Mother fuck! I never meant to cause Jasper conflict yet here I fucking was doing it unconsciously with Edward.

Emmett pursed his lips and looked at everything but me.

"So this competivness is because of me?" I begged internally for him to say no, but he nodded.

So if it's because of me, then Jasper knows…?

"Because Jasper knows that Ed has a crush on me," I groaned out as Emmett gave me a slight nod. Wow..." I shook my head "That's..." Seriously I was at a loss for words…

_Wait a tick!_

"Wait how did you know?" I asked him

"What do you think no one talks to me or what?" He asked sounding slightly insulted.

"No! Oh my god no, I just meant which one told you?" More like how long did you know and how long has Jasper known.

"Edward."

"But Jazz knows?" _Please say psych! Please say psych!_

He nodded again, "Yeah, he figured it out pretty quickly."

"Well that's better then me; Ed practically shouted it at me in the malls parking lot..." I said tartly. Yeah I was a tad upset that I was the last to know. "That's why he's not here by the way... he's avoiding me."

"Wait," Emmett stopped chopping the last of the cucumber to look at me. "He told you?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah after I accussed him of having the hots for a girl I meet, well she's my friend now... Bella the one that's coming over." He nodded to let me know he knew who I was talking about as I pulled myself up on the counter to be at his level. "Anyway, I was teasing him cause he got all ice man towards her and he just laid it out there to me," I explained.

Emmett smacked himself in the forehead with his palm pretty hard, making me jump at the movement. "Idiot," he mumbled.

I raised an eyebrow at him as I stole a cucumber from his pile. He sighed as he dumped the rest in the bowl. "He shouldn't have told you that... I told him just to try to be friends with you and hopefully the feeling would go away."

"Oh," _well what the fuck do I say to that?_

He shrugged, "You're Jazz's girl, you know?"

I grinned widely at his words. "I am," I said proudly. I just hoped he knew that.

Emmett nodded giving me a half smile, "You are."

Once the salad was put together I called Bella back and she was unable to come over tonight but Esme agreed to let her stay over Saturday and even offered to bring Bella with us on Friday when we went shopping. So that left me with Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, the three grandchildren and Rose.

Shit.

When Rose first came over I wasn't scared of her. Intimidated, most definitely; but not scared. It was nice to see how the kids welcome their parents in their own ways. I noticed that while Edward and Jasper came in they would say "Mom I'm home." Heck even Emmett would greet Esme as mom.

Rose didn't. She greeted her as Esme, but gave her a smile that matched the boys when she saw her. But that's not what intimidated me. Oh no, it was Rose herself.

Sure the tall curvy super model that walked in with the same blonde hair as Jasper, a warm smile for her children and a passionate kiss for her husband is nothing to be intimidated by. But it wasn't until Amber her oldest informed her that I was "Uncle Jazz's Alice," did I get a glimpse of the fierce person I heard about.

Rose picked Kayla up and placed her on her hip as she said something to Emmett. I could see him roll his eyes and whisper something back to her that caused her to glare at him. I think it was safe to assume that she hated me on association alone.

Bitch.

As expected, something as simple as delivery pizza was big family event for the Cullen's. I found myself missing my mom as I watched Esme or Rose interact with their children. Granted mom and I would curl up on the couch with a movie, well before everything.

"Are you okay Alice?" I looked over at Amber who was watching me. I smiled at her and nodded before taking another bite of my pizza.

Rose didn't say a word to me at dinner, but I could tell she wanted too. Especially when she saw that Amber had taken a liking to me. Emmett seemed to help keep her quiet by taking her attention off of my and on to one of the girls.

After dinner Rose said she was gonna take the girls home so Emmett could hang out a little longer. I had curled up on the couch, deciding it was better to keep him company before hiding in the bedroom again. I knew Jasper wasn't gonna call tonight since he called me earlier.

Emmett just got done telling me about the time Jasper took his high school baseball team to the state championships when Edward came in. He stopped short and took one look at me and Emmett before nodding and walking towards the stairs.

This has got to stop, I thought as I jumped up off the couch.

"Hey Edward?" He stopped just as he was about to climb the stairs and turned to face me.

"Alice?"

I chewed on my lip. This could go one of two ways, he could ignore me and leave the room like he was gonna do, or he could talk to me. Surely the latter would happen since Emmett was sitting on the couch behind me.

_Oh just do it Alice! _

"I was wondering if you weren't busy, if you could take me to the mall tomorrow so I can go see Bella... I won't need a ride home cause she can give me one back." I shrugged, "I just need to get out," I said softly as I picked at my nails so I didn't have to look at him. I just had enough mopping in Jasper's room and the tension between Edward and I was hard to take.

"Sorry Alice," he said softly as my eyes met his. "I gotta work tomorrow..." he explained as he chewed on his lip.

I gave him a small smile to show him that it was okay. "That's okay I'll see her Friday anyway." I turned t head back to the couch and remembered that Esme had us save some pizza from him. "Oh! There's some pizza in the fridge, I promise Emmett didn't lick any of the pieces." I looked over at Emmett, who was looking around like he was playing to be innocent, making me laugh.

Edward looked at me and then to his brother and aback, giving me a crooked smile. "I think I was feeling like Chinese anyway."

I just laughed and shook my head at Emmett before paying attention to Ed again. "'Kay," a_wkward much? _

He gave us a slight nod. "Night," he said before taking the steps two at a time.

I plopped down on the couch and put my head on Emmett's shoulder as I sighed. "See? That my friend is avoidance." I told him.

I could feel Emmett shrug. "He's trying to work it out himself," he defended. "You do realize that he's two years older than Jazz right?"

I moved my head off his shoulder to look at him. He had his eyebrow raised at me as if he was expecting me say yes. "Nope..." I answered distantly. Well Bella is gonna be eighteen in September. So if Edward is twenty-four there's a six year difference which is better than a seven year difference, right? I know Bella thinks he's cute. And we seriously need to get him a girl friend cause this awkwardness is not cool.

The next day I was asked to meet with Esme and Carlisle in his office. I was scared as to what would be said in this meeting, especially since Carlisle was playing the avoidance game like Edward but for a completely different reason.

After eating breakfast and taking my shower, I headed to the door I knew to be Carlisle's office. I knocked once and heard Carlisle give me the okay to come in. Timidly, I let myself in and ushered my way to one of the arm chairs he had in there. I took a quick glance around the room that had a vast collection of medical books, as well as other books that looked very expensive. In between the two arm chairs that were facing the opposite side of his desk was a beautiful chess set. It looked as if the game was one that was still in progress, and judging by the dull look of the board, this game had been on hold for a while.

I looked across the room to see Esme smiling at me as Carlisle took his glasses off.

Strange, I didn't know he wore glasses.

"You guys wanted to see me?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes dear," Esme said as she made her way to stand beside me.

"This is going to be hard for you I know but we have to know the circumstances of your running away and the reasons behind it," Carlisle said getting right to business. I just looked at him and Esme wide eyed. Why did they want to know this? Did they want to try to convince Jasper that I wasn't good for him?

"Honey, I know it will be hard, but we think education is one of the most important things a young person can have and in order for you to go to school you have to have a guardian. We're more than willing to file to be your legal guardians but we have to know what happened with your real parents." Esme explained softly as she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Oh," I said lamely as my eyebrows furrowed.

_They want me to get into school?_

_They want to be my guardians?_

"Well my dad he's dead... and I don't know if my mom is still alive or not."

Carlisle tilted his head slightly. "Well how about you tell us how you ended up with our son..." he suggested gently.

"I uh..." went _home with your son after I offered to blow him cause he gave me extra food_. I felt myself blush at the thought. No way in hell I'm telling them that. "I meet him by chance and he didn't want me to stay on the streets?"

It was only when Esme sighed did I noticed she had some papers in her hand. She looked at them as she frowned then looked at Carlisle, whom also had the same sad look. "Then I guess legally, we do have to give her back to her parents," she told her husband.

Wait, give me back?

"What? No!" I shouted jumping to my feet. "Jorge will kill me!"

"Jorge is your guardian, legally. We have no rights over what happens to you unless something has happened..." Carlisle started to explain but I could feel my hatred for Jorge come out strong. My vision had blurred with unshed tears and I swear to God I was seeing red.

"That's bullshit! He beats the crap out of my mom, then me and tells me that if I didn't like it to leave. And _now_ he acts like he cares!"

Esme set the papers down on the desk and came closer to me. "Alice honey, we _want_ to help you. But we have to know what happened."

I knew she was right. Of course they wanted to help. Look at their track record. That's all they knew how to do was help someone when they needed it. I sighed, not really knowing how in depth I needed to go. "Long story short, I fought back and he told me leave if I didn't like being a punching bag... and my mom..." I blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling as I saw my mom looking so weak and helpless as she begged me to go cause she didn't think she could protect me from them.

I should have stayed. I should have tried to protect her. My dad would have wanted me to.

"Wait, if he's my guardian does that mean she's...?" I couldn't fight back the tears any longer. I left my mom when she needed me the most and that fucker hurt her. I just know it!

"Not necessarily. It just says he's head of house..." Esme explained. He was never my guardian before. Mom was the only one that had rights to me.

"Oh... Well that night that he said to leave my mom asked me to go cause she couldn't protect me from him or James anymore," I explained as I wiped the tears away with the sleeve of Jasper's hoodie. "So I left..." I looked down at my hands as the tears left huge stains on the sleeves as they fell from my eyes.

_I never should have left._

"Is there evidence of this abuse? Broken bones, those sorts of things I could pull up in your medical records?" Carlisle asked as Esme wrapper her arms around me. I nodded as I leaned into her embrace, but it made the tears fall harder. While I was grateful for the comfort it wasn't her arms I wanted around me right now. I wanted my Jasper more than ever.

"Since I was about seven," I explained to Carlisle. "And the umm..." I looked up to meet the concerned gaze of his grey eyes. He nodded slightly, letting me know to continue. "The uh miscarriage might have some evidence of what James did." I saw the recognition in his eyes before he wrote something down. I wondered if he knew exactly who James was in this horrid tale of my life.

I could feel Esme's hold on me tighten and I could swear I could hear her crying quietly. I hugged her back, seeking the comfort only a mother could give, a comfort I know she was trying to give me.

Carlisle nodded and walked over to us with a legal pad and pen. "Okay... can I get you to write up a statement and sign it?"

I nodded, pulling myself away from Esme to take the paper and pen. "What will happen?" I asked as I sat down to write. "I mean if an investigation is launched? Do I have to leave?"

_Please say no, please say no._ I prayed in my head.

Esme shook her head as she wiped under her eyes. "We're going to file for temporary custody because of the circumstances; I am sure we will get granted that and hopefully you can get placed with us permanently," she explained giving me a small smile.

"Will we find out about my mom?"

Carlisle nodded as he wrapped an arm around Esme's waist. "We will, but unfortunately they will also find out exactly where _you_ are. Not while you're with Jasper, but here."

Wait so they will know I'm here? Oh shit that's not good. Jorge and James are not the kind of people I want near the Cullen's. This isn't just about me anymore. I'm putting everyone from Esme and Carlisle, to Jasper and Ed, hell even Emmett and Rose's girls in danger just being here.

I looked down at the legal pad. I couldn't do this to them. The Cullen's had done nothing but showed kindness and compassion for me. They, with the exception of Rose, made me feel like a part of the family in one way or another. I just couldn't bring this evil upon them.

"I... I can't risk them coming here," I said softly.

"We're going to file a restraining order," Carlisle said. "I promise we will do everything to make you safe."

I looked up to see the determination in Carlisle's eyes and the mixture of concern and something I couldn't name in Esme's.

"I believe you..." And I did. I believe that they would anything to make me safe. I looked back down at the pad preparing myself to write out what they needed when I remembered something Esme had said earlier. I looked back up at them as my eyebrows furrowed. "But what does this have to do with Education?"

"Well if we have custody of you, we'd like to put you into school," she said with a gentle smile.

"Really?" I asked suddenly feeling better. "Like Seattle Prep?"

Esme nodded as her smile grew wider, obviously pleased with my reaction. "That is the school we were thinking of... it's close to the apartment."

_So I get to not only go to school, but stay with Jasper?_

I gave them a small smile and looked down at the pad. "Whatever you need from me I'll do." I promised as I began to write my statement.

Once I wrote down what Carlisle said he needed and signed the paper, I called Bella to give her directions to the Cullen house and told her I wasn't feeling well so I'd see her tomorrow. Then, I spent the rest of the day either playing spider solitaire on Jasper's computer, reading or trying to sleep. But I couldn't let go of the sinking feeling that I was being watched.

When I finally did fall asleep, I was awoken by Esme bringing the phone into my room. At first I thought it was Bella calling to cancel, but it wasn't. It was Jasper. I instantly felt better just hearing his voice that all my thoughts and worries about day's events vanished from my mind.

Friday morning I was awoken by the sound of something crashing in the room followed by a curse. I quickly sat up to meet the big brown eyes of Bella.

"Morning?" she giggled out as she tried to pick up the CDs that had fallen.

"Ugh!" I groaned flopping back on the bed and pulling the covers over my head. "We aren't shopping until ten Bells, what are you doing here?"

"Well I said I was gonna be here at nine, and it's fifteen after. Esme, who is way to pretty to be a mom, showed me where your room was. So surprise," she giggled out again as the CDs crashed again.

_For the love of all that is holy!_

"Alright, alright, I'm up! Will you please stop trying to break Jasper's Nine Inch Nails collection? I really don't want to explain to him why 'Closer' skips while we're fucking." I teased as I climbed out of the bed. Bella started to stammer out an apology as her face turned bright red.

I placed the CDs on the table where I had placed them the night before. Yeah, I totally raided Jasper's music collection, oops.

"So you should, uh, get in the shower cause Esme said she wanted to leave early." Bella said staring at her shoes.

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Hello, face is up here," I informed her making a circle around my face. She slowly raised her head up, her eyes were closed and her blush got brighter. Did she have some sort of skin condition or something? I tilted my head. "Bella what's wrong?" I asked.

"Shirt," she whispered.

_What the fuck?_

"English please," I said hopping she'd elaborate.

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I thought you were kidding when you said you sleep nude."

OH! Shirt! Right, totally not wearing one! Oops!

I reached for my shirt which I had taken off last night after have a very erotic dream about Jasper, and pulled it back over my head.

"Sorry," I giggled out blushing slightly. "I normally wear clothes in bed, here but I uh…" I just shrugged and she nodded in understanding. Yeah so not gonna tell her that I woke up in the middle of the night and had to take care of myself.

I walked over to where my clothes were and grabbed them before turning to face Bella again. "So I'm gonna take a shower, uh… make yourself comfortable or whatever."

She smiled and nodded and walked over to a book shelf. _Ha, she should be right at home in here_, I thought as I watched her look at Jasper's collection for a moment. I turned to head towards the bathroom when I heard her call out.

"Hey Alice," I turned to look at her as she held a frame in her hand. "Is this Jasper with Edward?"

I walked over to see the picture she was holding. It was the two of them laughing at something as it appeared that Jasper was hitting Edward in the arm. I smiled at the picture. "Yeah, that's my Jazzy." I pulled another picture of the shelf; this one had the three boys looking rather annoyed at the camera, yet like they were up to something. "That one," I said pointing to Emmett "is the big brother, Emmett. He's really nice. A huge mofo but a loveable guy," I explained as I placed the frame back and laughed a little. Bella raised an eyebrow at me as she put the picture she had back. "Well, Em is a stay at home dad, so when he comes over he's got his girls in tow. There's Amber who's five and very outspoken, Anna she's three, cute as a button once she warms up to you, and Kayla who's definitely shy and clings to either Em, her mom Rose," I saw Bella give me a look and I just nodded, _Yes that Rose_. "Or she clings to her grandparents."

"Why is that funny?" Bella asked.

"Well, Em came over last night, needing to get something for Rose from Carlisle and he gave me a purple iPod right?" Bella nodded. "Well he had Amber with him only; I guess the other girls stayed with Rose. Anyway, he starts telling me how Jasper asked him to get me something to keep me sane so he gets me the purple iPod and he gave me this yellow case cause I like sunflowers. Well Amber looks at me with a huge smile and says, 'Yellow is a complimentary color of purple.' Which makes me laugh cause being that I draw and stuff I know that right? But she's five and doing color coordination!"

Bella snorted a laugh, "Well, maybe she has a future in design or something?"

That made me laugh more. "I think you're right, she was telling Anna that she wasn't making Barbie's house look pretty when they were playing the other day." I said shaking my head.

"Alright girls," Esme said grabbing our attention to get us to stop giggling. She smiled at us. "I'm going to go to the home furnishing store. Here's some money to get any undergarments you need Alice. I want you two to meet me at the shoe warehouse when you're done okay?" We both nodded as she handed me the money and quickly turned to the store she was going to.

"Oh my God! We have to get you some Victoria Secret panties! Jasper will go insane at the sight of your ass in their lace," Bella exclaimed as she grabbed my arm and started to drag me to the store.

"I don't want him to go insane, Bee." I whined.

"Oh Alice, he's gonna want to fuck you stupid," she looked over her shoulder and smirked. "Better way to phrase it?"

I grinned and nodded. "Yes much," I laughed as we walked through the store. _Dear God in heaven, I've hit the jackpot._

"This is nothing, if we had a bigger budget we'd so be in La Perla." Bella whispered as we wandered over to the thongs.

"So," I said flipping through the choices. "What do you think of Jazzy?" I asked her. She was oddly quiet about him and it made me nervous.

"He's hot… I can see why you want him over Ed."

She could? "Why?"

She smiled. "Edward seems more rigid then Jasper. From what you've told me he's your perfect match. He balances you out. He's the tranq to your speed."

I snorted, "My speed?"

She laughed and nodded following me to the dressing room. "Yeah, like you are this bubble of energy when you're on your 'A' game; whereas, Jasper seems to be more tranquil and laid back."

"When he's not spun out," I said softly as I closed the dressing room door.

"Yeah, but that's a chemical reaction Alice." She tilted her head to the side studying my face for something. "Are you sure about this?"

"About what, changing in front of you?" I joked as I pulled my shirt off.

"No silly, about Jasper. I mean you've only known the man on Meth. Not the boy that needed it to feel safe."

_Wow she's perceptive_. I chewed on my lip some as I thought it over.

I shrugged, "I love him Bells… Meth or no Meth, he's my Jazzy." She nodded sadly as she sat on the bench.

"Yeah, but my dad said this particular addiction is hard to kick. Like its always there calling to you, you know? So even if it's been two years since his last fix, the itch to get that next rock is there. And I know how hard it was on you to see him fight against what he knows."

I nodded, as I turned so she could see the yellow bra I tried on. We both wrinkled our noses and shook our heads no. "True as hard as it was to see him go through with drawls, it didn't make me love him less." I shrugged. "I mean isn't that the whole point of being in love, is being there for them no matter what war they have to battle?"

Bella nodded and gave me a small smile. "I think so. I mean my parents are shining examples of true love," she said rolling her eyes. "I just don't want you to get hurt. Sure he's in rehab, but the struggle is just starting."

"I know Bells."

After a good thirty minutes in the dressing room, a conversation on why Bella's ass was better than mine and why doggie style with Jazz was hot as fuck; we finally met Esme at the shoe store. I know had enough clothes that I could go at least a week without doing laundry, some really cool shoes; including the colorful Chuck Taylors I called "fetch" making Bella laugh for twenty minutes for quoting a movie, and a very sexy pair of Mary Jane peep toe heels, that will go perfect with what I planned to wear on Monday.

When Jasper called that night I was worried about him. Something in his voice sounded off, especially when he would say he loved me. I just pushed my worries back and tried to help him with his request. Granted it probably wasn't the best to tease him while he was rehab, but fuck the things he does to me with just his voice, so worth it. Of course he had to ruin my surprise for Monday by asking never to wear a thong under the school girl skirts. I looked over at my pile of new panties that were freshly washed and ready to be put away. I was disappointed that we wouldn't see me in the sheer black thong.

Well not yet at least. It's a damn good thing Bella suggest I get the booty shorts too.

Saturday Bella came over as planned, still freshly embarrassed at her fall into the pool the day before. Granted I don't think Emmett's booming laugh echoing throughout the enclosed area helped her much. I was glad she was here. It had been a long time since I had a girl friend and it was oddly refreshing to have a girl to talk to. As much as I loved Jasper, there were just some things a girl wants to tell her girl friends not her boyfriend.

"Wait so he said you taste like OJ?" Bella giggled.

"Well he says 'sweet yet tangy'," I explained laughing.

"Oh wow, now I understand why you started laughing when I said I was craving it."

I splashed her with some water making her laugh and pull me under the water by my leg. I swam back up the surface and flipped her off. "Bitch," I teased.

"Cow," she teased back sticking her tongue out at me before sighing heavily. "I'm out of league you know that?"

Wait, huh?

I looked in the direction she was looking at where Edward was standing by the French windows of the pool area talking on the phone.

"With freak boy?" I asked.

She nodded, "he wants you," she said sadly and shrugged. "I can't compete with you."

I snorted, "Like hell you can't. I have Jazz, Bella. I don't want Ed, I don't need Ed."

"But he's always gonna have blinders on when you're around so it's like I don't exist."

"Whoa emo much there Swan?" She glared at me slightly. "Listen it is now my duty as your unofficial, self proclaimed best friend to not only to get Freak Boy to look at you, but to want you like you want him." I snorted, "Fuck that, it's my goal to make him want to fuck you stupid against the nearest wall."

Even though Bella's back was too me I knew she was blushing, the back of her neck was redder. I smirked pleased with myself.

"Who said anything about it being unofficial? You had me at 'want some chocolate?' Alice." She turned to smile at me. "Besides how do you plan on making him notice me?"

Good question.

I saw Ed coming towards the pool with the drinks he had offered to get us. I looked at Bella briefly and swam up behind her.

"Trust me?" I asked

"Yeah, you're my best friend remember?"

She really shouldn't have said that. Just as Ed got to the edge of the pool, I quickly undid the ties to Bella's bikini top and removed it while say "Hi Freak Boy!"

Ever heard the phrase, "time stood still"? That was so now, cause Ed just stared right at Bella as she looked right back at him. When finally Bella snapped out of it, I watched with amusement as she blushed and stammered out an apology to Ed and he just bit his lip.

Freak Boy so wants Blushing Beauty. Freak boy is pitching a fucking tent in his pants!

Ed placed our dinks by the pool giving us a slight nod as he went to leave.

I squeaked a little and went under the water to keep from laughing, soon though I was being ripped up out of the water.

"Alice!" Bella hissed at me.

I laughed as I pushed my hair out of my face, "Bella!"

"What the fuck?" She hissed as she ripped her top from my hands.

Oops. "Bee," I whined. "I'm sorry, I was just helping." I jutted out my bottom lip at her.

She sighed, "How is showing him my tits helping?"

"Cause you have a nice D cup compared to my baby Cs," I batted my eyes at her and smiled. She just rolled her eyes at me and tried her best not to smile at me.

"I'm gonna get you back Alice," she warned.

"Yes, in due time Bells, but first we have to succeed in 'Operation: Get Bella laid'." I smirked at her as I pulled myself out of the pool. She smacked me on the ass making me squeak, before following suit.

We ate dinner with the Cullen's, watched a movie with Edward and finally went up to Jasper's room for bed. Currently we were raiding Jasper's music collection and pigging out on fruit chews candies.

Bella was flipping through the collection I piled up to transfer on my iPod as sat on the bed.

"Seriously could he get any hotter?" Bella asked.

I laughed at that. "Why?"

"She looked up and blew her bangs out of her face. "He's got, Johnny Cash, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, Papa Roach, Incubus, and fucking Bush."

"Getting your panties wet there, Bee?" I teased.

She laughed, "No, now if he had Linkin' Park, I'd have to blow him." I smirked and held up their first album. "Oh fuck me, does he have Debussy?" she sounded exasperated.

I shook my head, "Although I know who does!" I jumped off the bed and ran to the door. I heard Bella come up behind me. "Shhh," I whispered as we went up the third flight of stairs. "I know Freak Boy has it cause he told me every musical collection should have something mellow yet intricate melodies in it." I explained while rolling my eyes. She covered her mouth to giggle as we got to Edward's door.

Normally, I'd expect to hear the aforementioned 'mellow yet intricate melodies', a.k.a. classical music coming from his room, but no that's not what we where hearing.

"Ohmygod!" Bella gasped as I covered my own mouth to keep from laughing. "Is he?" Bella mouthed to me just as we heard what sounded like a moan. I nodded and backed away from the door, expecting her to follow me.

Oh no, my shy best friend slowly turned the door handle without making a noise. How the fuck did the clumsiest person on planet Earth managed to open the door without being noticed is beyond me. I turned my back to her not wanting to see something that would get us in trouble, but I could definitely tell what he was doing.

I felt Bella push on my shoulder and point to the stairs, were we quickly ran down them. Of course I had to catch her a few times, but by the time we made it to Jasper's room we both collapsed on the bed laughing.

"Oh my God! Alice he was jerking off!" Bella snorted.

"And you fucking went in there! You whore!" I teased hitting her with the pillow.

She giggled and pulled the pillow from me and sighed as she laid on it.

"What?"

She laughed sadly, "Is it wrong that I thought it was hot?"

I snorted, "Hell no, I know Jazzy's done that when I'm sleeping next to him. Of course depending on how tired I am, I either join him or just give him a nice wake up."

Bella shook her head. "Yeah but at least when Jasper's doing it, you know he wants you. As hot as Edward was in the moment, I know he wasn't thinking of me."

"Well he'd be blind if he wasn't thinking of you like that." I told her as she rolled her eyes at me. "No seriously Bella," I said sitting up and looking at her. "I'm so not like bi or anything, but you are fucking beautiful and yes, if you asked me to kiss you. I would."

"But you're not bi?"

"That's my point, I have a girl crush on you cause face it babes, you're a hottie! You've got curves I would kill for, perfect pouty lips and expressive brown eyes. And you're caring, witty and sarcastic." I shrugged, "I know it means nothing from me."

"No it does mean a lot, I'm flattered actually. I just wish Edward wanted me like that." She sighed and placed her head in my lap, where I began to run my fingers through her hair.

I heard the tail tale squeak of the stairs and prayed Bella didn't notice it. "Never give up hope Bells, without hope, you have nothing."

Bella left the next day shortly before Emmett and Rose showed up for family dinner. Esme had extended the offer to Bella, but she said she had to get back and clean the fish her dad was sure to have brought home.

I think Bella was being a chicken shit and was trying to avoid Rose. Lord knows I wanted to.

Edward and I helped Esme with the vegetables for the roast; all the while Edward kept giving me funny looks. I was beginning to wonder how much of last night he had heard.

When Emmett and Rose arrived I realized that the girls were missing. I could have sworn Jasper said they tend to any where mom and dad were.

At dinner conversation seemed okay. Emmett and Ed were talking sports, while Rose and Carlisle talked about her practice. Apparently she was a family lawyer and from the sounds of it, helped in cases similar to what I was gonna go through.

It wasn't until Emmett asked me if I was excited to see Jasper did I notice all eyes were on me.

I smiled down at my plate and nodded, "Yeah, I missed him."

"From the sounds of it he's missed you too dear," Esme said, making me look up in time to see Rose roll her eyes at her mother.

I ignored Rose and smiled at Esme while nodding. "He says he does..."

"Well, he wouldn't say it if it weren't true," Esme smiled while patting my hand.

"Yes, because out of everyone, Jasper is the honest one." Rose said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes again. Emmett narrowed his eyes at his wife.

"Rose," Edward said in a tone that seemed like a warning as he glared at her.

"Well he hasn't lied to me," I told her.

She just shook her head and laughed bitterly. "Are you really that naive?"

"No, I'm just not that cynical." Or that much of a bitch, I added in thought.

"Well, sweetie, I live in the real world," she said rather condescendingly.

Wait what? Does she think that I don't what it's like to be put through the fucking ringer? Sure I don't know much about her past, but I do know that she was able to go to school, get a degree and have a family; a _happy_ family with a man that worships her. All the while I'm trying to figure out a way to keep my step-father and fucked in the head step-brother from finding me with the Cullen's and hurting one of them.

"Rosalie," I heard Esme say in a warning tone that rivaled Edwards.

"Just ignore Rosalie... I do." Ed said with a shrug.

Hell no I wasn't gonna ignore this bitch; she struck a nerve with me.

"I'm sorry," I said shaking my head. "I just don't see why someone who claims to be family wants to judge the other person, while they are away trying to get better."

"I'm proud he's going to get better, I just don't condone him being with a child."

Ed's jaw dropped as I pushed back slightly in my chair. I felt his hand grab my wrist so I knew he was going to prevent me from what I wanted to do most; which at this point, was to grab bimbo Barbie by her hair and slam her head into her plate, repeatedly. Preferably until she was bloody.

_Fuck You! I'm not a fucking kid!_

I shook my head, trying to clear the murderous rage I was feeling. "I'm not gonna stoop to your level _Rosalie. Y_ou clearly don't know anything about me or your brother."

"I know how old you are, and how old Jasper is and that is-" she spat back but was cut off by Emmett.

"The same age difference between you and me," he said, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

Well look at that bimbo Barbie is a fucking hypocrite!

"And you and I both know that age has no effect on maturity levels." I kept eye contact with her as I said it. Her eyes narrowed slightly before she huffed and glared at Emmett as he mouthed an apology.

I just shook my head at him as I looked down at my plate. Cursing my emotions for taking a toll on me cause I could feel the salt of my tears sting at my eyes.

"Welcome to the Cullen house," Edward leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear.

"Thanks for holding me back," I whispered back and removed my hand from his.

_Wait, when did our fingers intertwine?_

I looked over at Esme, praying know one could see I was about to lose it. "May I be excused?"

Esme nodded, "Yes you may dear..." she trailed off before looking at Rose.

"Thank you," I said as I pushed back from the table before looking back at Rose. "Regardless of what you may think of me Rosalie, it was nice meeting you." I said as politely as I could before I took my plate and headed to the kitchen.

I began the process of putting my food away in a container deciding that maybe after Jasper calls I might get my appetite back. I could feel the tears stream down my face as I worked to put my food away. How could someone that barely knew me have so much hatred towards me? Was I not good enough for Jasper in her opinion?

Why was it like every time I turn around Jasper and I are defending our relationship to everyone? Can't they just be fucking happy that we make each other happy?

"Are you okay?" I heard Edward ask from behind me startling me a little.

I shook my head as I rinsed my plate off and put it in the dishwasher. "Yeah, I'm fine."

_Liar!_

"Rosalie is just a bitch."

I wiped at my cheeks with the back of my hands and stood up straight as I looked out the window. I needed to calm down before I faced him. I didn't want him to see how much Rose's words were bothering me. "And she knows nothing about me," I added to his statement.

"That's just Rosalie for you," he said and I could hear him coming closer. "She makes snap judgments that usually tend to be wrong, she's cold, vain, and thinks she's better than everyone."

But what if she's right? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm just a child, like she said?

I took a deep breath before turning to face him. I could see the concern in his eyes. I gave him a small smile. "And who's to say she's not?" I asked and I saw his eyes narrow slightly. "I'm gonna go to lie down... get me if Jasper calls?"

"She's not," he said shaking his head."Don't let her get to you, if you give in to her, she wins."

"I'm just tired of defending _us_ all the time," I said finally voicing what I was thinking as the tears started to fall again. "It's like people can't get past the bad shit we've done Edward," I hiccupped slightly. "It's not fair! I just want to be happy!"

"Come here," he said softly as he held out his arms for me. Without hesitation I went to him, wrapping my arms around him as I buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged to him. I needed this, I needed him. As bad as it sounds Ed's been there from the beginning.

"I know it's not and you shouldn't have to. People mature at different ages, there really isn't that big of a difference between the two of you and maturity wise, you're older than he is..." he tried to reason with me.

Even though I knew he was being serious I laughed a little and sniffled. "That's mean Freak Boy," I teased.

"Its' true... in some aspects he's older… but you win on the emotional level."

I shrugged, "I don't know, I think we're pretty even on the emotional level." I moved my head some inhaling his scent. He smells good… comforting… safe…

I felt him shrug. "It's possible..." he trailed off before kissing the top of my hair. _That was innocent right?_** "I** think you're pretty mature."

I looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you Edward."

He smiled back making me realize how much I missed him even though he was in the same house the whole time. "Anytime... you feel better?"

I nodded, and hugged him tighter for a second. "Yeah, I appreciate it." I said standing on my toes to give him a kiss on his cheek.

He held me still as his lips brushed along my cheeks. My eyes fluttered closed as his lips moved from my cheek to me ear and kissed my temple. I felt myself smile at the gesture, but then I remember who was giving it to me.

_Shit! Why is my heart racing?_

I looked at him to see him watching me. _Shit, this is not good! "_I... I should go..." I stammered out.

He pulled away slightly, his hands running down my arms and leaving gooseflesh in its wake. _Oh shit, not good at _all. "Yeah," he said softly.

My hand brushed against his as I stepped back some. "Good night Ed."

He brought his hand to my cheek and brushed his thumb across my lower lip. A move that I've felt countless amounts of times but felt foreign. "Night Alice," he said softly.

I pulled away from him and quickly made my way to the stairs. Once I reached the first step I ran up them, trying my best to make it to Jasper's room before breaking down.

What the hell is wrong with me?! Why am I having intimate touches with Edward?

The next morning I woke up in a very unpleasant mood. I kept having dreams of having to choose between Jasper and Edward only to have them both hate me and losing everything. I had no clue what passed between Edward and I the night before, but it was obvious that there was something there that was going to make the next month or so harder with Jasper being gone.

Not only that, there was a few times where Jasper left me in my dreams. As if he pushed me away. That wasn't making me feel any better either. I thought about it as I got ready for the day. Hopefully it was just my nerves at not seeing him in week. Maybe I was afraid that I would look different to him.

I called Bella that morning needing a pep talk.

"What outfit are you going with?" she asked as she brushed her teeth.

"Uh, the red plain mini and black top with the corset. Do you think that's too much?"

"Are you gonna wear the thigh highs?"

I nodded forgetting that she couldn't see me. "Yeah, thigh highs, the peep toes and that red choker."

"I think you're gonna look fine Alice. I don't think it's too much," she giggled a bit. "Well based on what you've told me, you might be over dresses for his liking."

I snorted, "Nah, we can't do that. He's not allowed to take me to his room. And from what I've heard from him. The nurses are everywhere. So odds are if he tries to ravage me in a broom closet, they would know."

Bella giggled, "You are so gonna let him fuck you today."

I sighed heavily, "I don't know Bee. I got a bad feeling."

"Because of the dreams?" she asked. I got to give my girl credit, she's good at listening.

"That and breakfast was awkward cause like, hell I don't know. I'm sorry I know how much you like him." _Jesus I'm a terrible friend._

"No Alice, it's okay. Sure I like Edward, but I know you _love_ Jasper. You're my friend no matter what okay? If he's got to fuck around with you to see that you two won't work then so be it."

"Wait, what? Who said anything about us fucking around?"

She sighed into the phone. "Alice, just trust me and don't force things. If you try to keep him away cause of his feelings, you're gonna make his animosity towards Jasper stronger and make Jasper think shits going on when it's not. Listen I hate to do this but Charlie wants me to get to the school today and fill out an application for the paper and yearbook staff."

I smiled a little, "Maybe I'll see you there. Esme seems pretty sure that their attorney has the paper work they need to get me into testing today."

"Awesome! Oh my God I hope you can go! It would suck being there my senior year without my best friend."

"Love you, Bella."

"Love you too Alice, give Jasper a kiss for me," she giggled before hanging up.

Okay so wearing the red plaid school girl skirt, black under bust corset and thigh highs around Edward… Not a good idea. This time I noticed his eyes were darker as he looked at me. It wasn't until I slid on Jasper's old leather coat did he finally slip out of it.

"Do you have everything dear?" Esme asked me as I grabbed my purse.

"Uh, I think so." I opened my purse making sure I had everything.

Moist wipes – Bella's idea in case I have sex with Jazzy and leave my panties – _check_!

Vanilla birthday cake flavored lips gloss –since Jasper likes the way I smell might as well get my lips to taste good too – _check_!

Hair clips – _check_!

Jasper's gift? I pulled the chain that was hanging around my neck to make sure his ring was still there. It wasn't anything fancy. Just a simple band made of skulls. I don't know, it seemed very Jasper like to me.

I smiled up at Esme. "Yep," I chirped happily. "All set."

When we reached the office of J. Jenks and Associates, I was excited but scared at the same time. I guess I was just worried that things wouldn't work in our favor and I'd be forced to not only leave everyone that I've come to care about, but be back in the fucked up fairy tale I was living before Jasper.

We were ushered into a conference room by the receptionist that was wearing an outfit that was clearly meant to attract attention to her ass and tits.

When we entered the room, I wanted to bolt out of there. A part of me wished Edward was here.

_No, not Edward, fuck!_

Rose looked up at us from the papers she was looking at. She smiled at Esme and Carlisle but her smile faltered some as looked over at me. "Please have a seat," she said while motioning to the chairs on the opposite side of where she was sitting. "Mr. Jenks will be here soon."

We sat down and I just stared down at my hands, mindlessly playing with my Alice in Wonderland bracelet.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Dr. and Mrs. Cullen," I heard a voice say from the door. I looked up to see Carlisle shake the man's hand as he told him that we weren't waiting long. I watched the slightly older man in a very cheap looking grey suit move to sit next to Rose.

I smirked a little seeing them next to each other. Rose, in her deep blue blouse, her blonde wavy hair tucked and pulled up behind her ears; look more like she was the boss and he was the junior partner. If it hadn't been for the fact that his name was on everything here, I would have thought that.

Mr. Jenks went on to say that normally Rose would have taken the case seeing as it's a family law issues with special circumstances - a fact that I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes at – and she was the best in the firm; but due to conflict of interest, she would be assisting him but her finger prints weren't going to show on any court documents.

He asked me a few questions pertaining to my statement I gave Carlisle as well as what I remember about the various injuries that they had documentation for. I shifted in my seat some when the questions about the miscarriage came up. I hadn't even told Jasper the fact that I was intimate with my step-brother and pregnant by the time I was fifteen, but yet here I was telling it all to his parents a lawyer and his sister who hated me.

But I did notice that when he asked about the events leading to the hospital and resulted in the miscarriage, that Rose was shifting in her seat uncomfortably as she took notes. Occasionally she would look over at me and periodically our eyes would meet. Sometimes she looked either irritated or sympathetic, but I couldn't care one way or another.

Finally we got what we needed, the papers that declared Carlisle and Esme my legal guardians. Although it was a temporary, thing they had to by law get me into either home schooling or into the Seattle school system. I had asked if this also meant that I was able to seek employment, which earned me an eye roll from Rose. Mr. Jenks, however, smiled and explained that for all intents and purposes I was a typical teenager no longer needing to hide.

After the meeting with Mr. Jenks, I was brought to Seattle Prep, where I met with a very nice counselor who insisted I called her Christina. She took me to the large room where the tests for admittance where being held and said she would see me in an hour and a half.

I was expecting simple math and grammar questions; perhaps some reading comprehension as well. You know like they do for the college prep tests? But no, these tested were computerized, ranged from various subjects like the works of Mozart, the findings of Edison, and the derivative formula. All of which was very intimidating stuff for a kid that's been out of school for a full year.

When the time frame was up Christina was waiting for me by the door. As we walked back to her office she asked me what were some of the things I liked to do in my spare time. Art and dancing was what I told her, opting to leave out anything I did with Jasper for fun.

She also asked me about home. What kind of environment was it, whom did I have for a support system. I told her that my fiancé was my biggest support system; completely blown away with how easy calling Jasper that seemed, as well as his family who have seen to it that I'm cared for.

When we reached her office she started to explain the curriculum to me and what 'major' she thought I would enjoy more. Apparently visual arts seemed like a good fit for me, with their various options of digital media, painting and drawing, sculpting, photography and design.

She didn't have my test results but said she would call me in a few days to let me know how they turned out before giving me a tour of the school. This place was huge, much bigger then Anderson High ever was. I tried not to giggle as we past the printing room where Bella was talking to a teacher. I gave her a small wave behind Christina's back which she returned with a wink and a wave of her hand as if she was trying to cool off.

_I must look hot_, I thought smugly.

After my testing and tour of the school, Esme, Carlisle and I went to have a quick lunch before driving out to see Jasper. I couldn't sit still long enough. It was like ever nerve in my body knew I was just that much closer to him and it itched and ached to be even closer. But finally, an hour later we were passing through the same gates where I felt my heart break exactly a week ago.

As soon as Carlisle parked the car, I was practically sprinting for the front door of the rehab center. I could hear Carlisle chuckle behind me and Esme scolding me to slow down. Deciding that it was better to listen, I did as I was told and stood outside the main entrance waiting for them.

_Walk faster people_, I complained in my head.

Esme shared a knowing smile with her husband as they reached me before wrapping her arm around my shoulders and giving me an awkward hug.

When we walked into the center, it wasn't what I was expecting. Granted I've only seen the movie 28 Days, and even then I should have known better. The main hall seemed inviting and not at all hospital like. They had motivational posters and lots of color and light.

I had to sign in to see Jasper and they wanted my relation to him. I raised my eyebrow at the paper as the pen tip hovered over the line. I know I'm his girlfriend but would they be like, "no sorry immediate family only!" or what?

_Like that would stop me now that I'm here, _I snorted at my thoughts as I wrote 'girlfriend' in big bold letter.

_Yeah, I'm Jazz's girl_, I thought smugly.

They receptionist gave us our visitor's badges before Carlisle led us through another set of door taking us back outside. I didn't have time to look around at the surroundings because the minute I saw the familiar disheveled blond hair I was gone.

"Jasper!" I shouted but sounded more like a squeak as I ran to him. He turned in our direction and smiled at me. He didn't have a chance to close the distance because before he knew I was on him. I completely jumped on him wrapping my arms and legs around him as I peppered kisses all over his face.

He had the biggest fucking grin I had ever seen on him. "I missed you too Kitten," he said before getting me to stay still long enough to kiss my lips. God I missed the tingles.

I giggled against his lips. "God I missed you so, so much." I didn't realize how much I missed him until I was in his arms. I kissed him again nipping at his bottom lip as he return my kiss with his own nibbling. Just when I licked at his lip to deepen the kiss he moved his head back slightly and hugged me tight to him.

"Baby we're causing a scene..."

I looked around slightly to see that people were in fact looking at us. I noticed a nurse with dirty blonde hair giving me a death glare so strong that a chill literally ran down my spine. I just shook it off. "Oh... sorry," I apologized as I pulled myself down of Jasper, smirking internally when I rubbed against his cock and felt it jump.

_Hello my dear friend…_

"I guess they know I missed ya huh?" I asked blushing some as I smoothed out my skirt and made sure they couldn't see anymore of the sheer black panties I'm sure they were seeing.

He looked down at me and gave me a crooked smile. "Fuck it, I missed you too, I just don't like everyone seeing how much," he said winking.

Of course being who I am and knowing him as well as I do, my eyes darted to his cock were sure enough it was starting to make its presence know. I giggled slightly before looking up at him through my eyelashes. "But then you can brag about your fuck hot girlfriend right?" I asked as I tilted my head at him and bit my lip.

He pulled me close to him, his hand splayed across my lower back and the top of my ass. I sighed internally at the feel of him touching me again, even if it was in a non-sexual way. "Yeah, and as a matter of fact I already do..."he trailed of looking over at someone as he nodded a little and gave them a 'this is it' type of smile. I looked over my shoulder to see two guys smiling back at us. I waved a little as the bigger of the two waved at smiled and waved when the lean guy with brown hair winked.

_Oh dear God in heaven what has Jazzy been telling them?_ I wondered but found myself grinning as I looked back at Jasper.

"Oh babe! I got you something," I leaned closer to him, making it _very_ easy for him to see down my shirt as I ran my fingertips slowly along the top of my cleavage to pull the chain of the necklace out so I could get his ring. "I wore it with me at all times since I bought so it was safe," I explained as removed the chain from my neck and took the ring off. I looked up and smirked a little when I saw that his gaze was still on my tits. I held the ring in his line of vision, snapping him out of the trance he was in and handed it to him. "Do you like?"

"Good to know your tits kept it safe," he said cheekily as he took it from me, inspecting it slightly before sliding it on his left hand. I titled my head and watched him as he made a fist and opened it back up, surprised that out of all the placed that he could have worn it he chose that finger on that hand. "You think I could stuff myself in there?" he asked snapping me out of my thoughts and bringing my eye back to his beautiful, smirking face.

_Wait, what were we talking about again? Or right my tits!_

I smirked and shrugged, "I know somewhere else you can keep safe in." I bit my lip and watched as he fully understood my hint.

He smirked and raised an eyebrow at me. "Thanks for the ring baby... um… wanna walk with me?"

_Well you did promise to steal me away while I was here, _I thought but instead, I nodded and stood on my toes. "You're welcome Jazzy," I said softly giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

He took my hand in his, kissing the top of it. He stood there for a second just watching me and looking at me as if whatever he was thinking was the most painful thing he'd ever thought about, before cupping my cheek and gently rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip.

Despite all the bells and whistles going off in my head that something was wrong I smiled into his touch. This felt right, his thumb touching my lips, my hand in his… "I love you Jasper," I said when he removed his thumb and we started to walk.

I felt him squeeze my hand a little as he looked ahead. "I love you more than you know."

Even though the voice in my head said there was something off with the way he was acting I didn't care. I was happy to have my Jasper even if it was for a few hours. Clearly the thirty minutes or so that I get to talk to him daily wasn't enough for me.

I leaned my head against his arm as we strolled along the courtyard in silence. The grounds were actually very pretty and peaceful. I could see why Carlisle would want Jasper here while he detoxed and learned how to live without the one thing that was always there for him.

"So I did the testing today. I think, if I get in, I'm gonna do the visual arts major..."

"That's really good kitten," I could hear the smile in his voice and wasn't disappointed when I looked up at him. "You're a great artist... just no more full frontal nudes of me okay? I think they frown upon that there." He smirked at me causing me to giggle.

"Kay," I agreed.

"Although I'll still happily lie anywhere you want me to naked..." he trailed off chuckling.

I looked up at him and smirked. "What if I want you standing?" I asked raising my eyebrow in an unspoken challenge. I felt my knees go weak at the thought of him giving into me right here and now.

"Then I'll be naked standing...." he said as I felt something cold and wet hit my back. He looked up and groaned slightly. "Fuck it's raining... come one," he said walking faster as he pulled me along beside him into the gazebo. Of course since he voiced his displeasure in the rain the skies opened up and it start to fall harder, but not quite pouring.

I laughed happily as we quickened our pace to the gazebo. I waited until we were under it before teasing him. "Aww, are you afraid to get wet?" I asked as I slipped my fingers into the waist band of his sweat pants and pulled him towards the cement picnic table.

"No," he started just as a loud crack of thunder sounded, causing my heart to race as the rain poured around us. "I just watched the news and don't want you to get sick," he explained before biting his lip."I, however, _love_ getting wet."

I looked in his eyes and watched them turn bright green with each passing moment.

_Oh how I love his eyes…_

When my ass hit the side of the table I pulled myself up onto it, tugging him closer to me as I smirked at him. "I know you do," more specifically he likes me wet. I tilted my head at him. "I was a good girl Jazzy...remember the promise you asked me?"

I was quiet as he looked at me, truly looked at me since I had been here. I watched as his eyes took in my outfit, stopping at the red and black plaid skirt with a hint of his favorite garters showing. He moistened his lip before biting into it hard and nodded in response.

I ran my fingernails along the edge of the skirt, pushing it up my thigh a little more. "Wanna see?" I purred to him.

His eyes were locked on the movement of my skirt, slowly inching its way up higher. I saw his eyebrow quirk up before he slowly nodded his head. I smirked again before slowly laying myself back onto the table. He moved back slightly, crossing his arms over his chest as one of his covered his mouth. I could see the excitement in his eyes so I continued my little show for him.

I lifted my hips as my hands reached for the waist band of my panties and slowly removed them. The hand that was covering his mouth was now tugging at his hair slightly as it ran through it. I think he likes what he's seen so far.

I sat back up, trying not to wince at the feeling of the cold cement table under my ass, as I held the panties out to him. "No thong, just like you asked," I said proudly.

I hear the low growl come from his chest as he snatched the panties from my hand, shoving them in his pocket, before crashing his lips to mine. His tongue greedily searched for mine as I moaned into his mouth. I craved the taste of him like none other. His kiss was hungry and desperate, which quite frankly scared me and made me even hotter for him.

I tugged his shirt up, sliding my hands along the muscles of his stomach and chest as he started to leave hot wet kisses along my jaw and neck. When he started sucking at the skin and bit at it I was quickly losing it. I wiggled closer to him trying to get the friction that I craved but could seem to fucking find no matter how many times I used that damned toy.

He moaned a little into my neck as he quickly pushed the waist band of his pants down. I bit back a moan when I realized that he was going commando, which also meant that he knew just how much I wanted him right fucking now.

He pulled me to the edge of the table as his cock teased me. I put my palms on the table beside me and watch him guide the tip of his cock to my entrance. I groaned slightly when I realized he was fucking teasing me on purpose.

"Jasper," I hissed him as I fisted his shirt in my hand, pulling him closer to me as I lifted my hips to get him to enter me. He fucking smirked before kissing me hard, his dick plunging deep into me. He was started pounding into me making it clear that he really needed me as he palmed my breasts through fabric of my shirt and bra.

I dragged my nails along his hip, scratching at the top of his ass to his lower back as my legs wrapped tighter around him. He growled at me slightly before nipping at my collarbone. He moved his kisses to the top of my tit biting it, sucking on the skin and making me call his name loudly into the storm around us.

He broke contact with my skin, pushing me on my back and pulling my hips until my ass was hanging in the air. He pulled himself all the way out before slamming harder into me. His hand grabbed the collar of my shirt pulling it down to expose my barely covered nipple to him as he latched on and sucked it through the sheer material.

"Oh God..." I moaned just as the thunder cracked again, the vibrations mixed with the feeling of Jasper fucking me like a mad man was too much as I arched my back into him and came completely undone.

My orgasm didn't deter Jasper one bit as he continued thrusting into me fast and hard, quickly building me up again. I fisted my hands in his hair pulling his face to mine. Hungrily my lips sought his as I devoured his kiss, moaning into his mouth as his cock hit that one spot harder and harder. My legs began to tremble again as his last thrust sent him over his cliff, panting my name.

The lightening crashed lighting up the dark sky and I saw his face for just a moment, but in that moment I saw sadness.

"Jasper, what…" I tried to ask but he cut me off with a kiss just as his finger flicked at my clit, giving me that little nudge to send me over again.

He let me ride the second orgasm out as he kissed my neck and the spot behind my ear sucking on it lightly, whispering how much he loved me. Once I was no longer audibly gasping for air, he pulled himself out and quickly pulled his pants up.

I started giggling some, completely fucking euphoric and happy. As much as I joked with Bella that I was gonna get him to fuck me, I didn't think he would do it. When I noticed he wasn't joining me in the laughter or asking me what I was thinking, I sat up to look at him. I couldn't make out much of him in the darkness, but I could tell he was chewing on his finger.

"Jas-" I started say but he cut me off.

"Alice... I don't..." he cleared his throat."What we just did was wrong..."

That was slightly odd coming from him. "Well yeah, sex in public is normally frowned upon but I don't think it's wrong." Besides, it was like monsoon weather out here, we're the only ones brave enough to stay out in it.

I could see him shrug. "I don't regret it... and that's probably wrong too..."

_What the hell is he talking about? Why would he regret what we just did?_ I thought just as the thunder sounded and the lighting lit the sky up again. Jasper was chewing his lip and looking at me with such sorrow.

"I'm not good enough for you Alice..."

"What?" I breathed out. Where the hell was this coming from?

He looked down at the ground, "You should try to find someone else... move on, live your life."

What the hell is he saying?

"What..." _Find someone else? _"How could you..." Why would he even think that? I shook my head at him. How did we go from being how we usually were, to… this? "I don't understand."

"You need to move on... I'm not good for you, you deserve better, whether or not you want to admit that to yourself,"

_Oh my God, is he trying to break up with me? _

I pulled myself off the table to stand in front of him so he could see me better."Not happening Jasper. As long as we want each other it shouldn't matter, right?" I asked him.

It made sense to me. I want him. I want to be with him. I love him. He loves me and wants to be with me, right?

_Of course he loves me; he just fucking told me that_, I thought as I blinked back the tears

"_What we did was wrong… I don't regret it and that's probably wrong too…"_

_Oh God, he doesn't want me._

_Please say you want me Jasper! Please don't do this to us,_ I begged as the silence grew longer. He finally moved but covered his face with his hands.

"You can't say it, can you?" I asked my voice cracking as the tears broke through. I looked down at the ground. I felt like such an idiot. Here I was thinking that he was excited for me to go back to school and be a normal seventeen year old. "I get it..." _you don't want a kid_, I added in thought as I turned back to the table and grabbed my purse of the table. I looked down at my wrist where The White Rabbit charm looked up at me. I just shook my head and slipped it off, leaving it for him. Maybe, some day he'll find his Alice. "At least it was fun while it lasted," I said as strong as I could as I faced him, but even my voice was weak to me.

I could hear him exhaling into his hands. "I'm sorry," he said. His voice hurt more now. That one phrase was like he was confirming he didn't want me.

I walked towards him, stopping before I got too close since every part of my body and soul screamed to touch him, to wrap my arms around him, to kiss him one last time.

"So am I Jasper... Just," I took a shaky breath. "Just promise me you'll get better okay? There are too many people that love you and want you to come home," I wiped at my eyes and sniffled, "to them."

"Yeah..." he said quietly still hiding behind his hands.

I turned to leave, reaching the edge of the gazebo and turned to look at him one last time. "I still love you Jazzy..." I told him before I ran through the rain back to the main building.

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A/N:

Wow that was kind of harsh... Wonder what Jasper was thinking... You know you want to know too, so you know what do. Leave us a review


	17. Ineffable

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jasper or Alice, or any of the other characters of Twilight, however this version of them is all ours. **

**A/N: Robs: **So here is Jasper's POV… hope you don't hate him later. Warning for this chapter; it delves into his past and some of it may freak you out a bit, don't say I didn't warn you. Sorry for no review responses, real life is really kicking our [especially my] ass. The very fantastic and talented artist Nami86 has drawn some DaS related art, go check it out, we love her for drawing them, she is seriously talented! http (colon) (dot) com (slash) art (slash)n-importe-quoi-pour-toi-133092548 for an example and for the rest check out her LiveJournal.

**K: **Sooo guess what? K gets to be responsible while Robs is moving O_O so with that being said I'm gonna be all official right now and announce that we are officially in the Support Stacie Author Auction! While Robs is moving I'll be writing and hanging out there from the 11th to the 14th. So make sure you check out either our blog or profile to find the link. Thanks to all the reviews we do read and smile when they come in. And each and everyone means something to us, so please don't think other wise.

**Special thanks to our fuckawesome beta Amber… we love you!**

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**Chapter 16: Ineffable**

_Narrator: And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom. _

_-Fight Club. _

I heard the sound of her heels hitting the pavement and the water splashing around her as she ran from me. Only then did I let the tears fall. Fuck, it wasn't supposed to be like this, this was supposed to be for the best. She was supposed to want this. I fell back and let my head hit the concrete table. _Fuck it all. God if you're there, please… just let me die. _

"I still love you Jazzy…" Her parting words echoed through my head like she was a ghost and my heart clung to them. I listened to the sound of the pouring rain, wind and thunder. The world sounded like it was crashing around me and here I lay, ready for it to take me.

I moved my arm and felt something cool and metallic against my hand; I picked it up carefully and opened my eyes to inspect it. I looked at the hearts, bows and charms hanging from it; the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit and their Alice. I shoved it into my pocket with her panties and carefully sat up, my head throbbed with pain at doing so.

The Hatter had won in the power struggle in my head. Sorry Alice, I am no White Rabbit, I hope you find what you're looking for my love. My heart was filled with sadness. I stood to my feet and began to walk slowly through the rain, not really caring if I got back to the facility. Dead or alive.

Unfortunately, I made it and ambled through the main lobby, dripping wet and shivering against my will. Fucking Christ, can't even let me die of hypothermia huh?

"Oh gosh, Jasper!" A shrill voice came out of nowhere. Oh for the love of God, I tried to walk a little faster towards my room, but apparently shivering and a heavy heart make it difficult. I felt her hand enclose my wrist and I sighed. Fuck. You. God. "Jasper, you're soaked through!" She exclaimed, her brown eyes lingering on the bulge in my sweats. 'Kay, maybe going commando wasn't such a good idea. "Let's get you warm." she purred quietly.

I followed behind, powerless against her. She grabbed some fluffy towels from a cart and led me into my room where she stealthily closed and locked the door with a key. My eyes were heavy and they hurt, I was fairly sure I had been crying pretty hard. Not that Nettie would notice.

"Let's get you out of that wet shirt first." She instructed me and I did as I was told, her dummy child. She eyed my body and I tried to shut her out. "Oh poor baby, you're all scared up… did someone do something bad to you? Is that why you're a junkie?" My jaw clenched and my flesh literally felt like it wanted to crawl off of my bones. She used the warm towel to pat me dry.

"Slip your shoes off Jasper." She ordered then fucking giggled. God this bitch makes me want to hurl. I did as I was told though. No fucking way she is going to claim some shit and get me thrown in the padded room, hosed down and sedated. I felt her fingers in the waistband of my sweats and she started to tug; the wet cotton rubbing against my dick making him betray me. Fucker.

I stepped out of them and she collected my things and put them in the hamper before coming back over with another towel and drying me from my ankles up. I knew this bitch well enough to know she was eyeballing my cock like it was an oasis in the desert. I felt the warm towel dry my butt and felt a bit of it wrap around my hard, traitorous cock. You know they kill traitors in the military, I thought at him. He lavished the attention.

Can she just do what she's working up to and leave me the fuck alone? She wrapped her warm, skilled mouth around the head. Ahh. Okay then, maybe this can be over quickly. She bobbed and sucked, swirling her tongue and pumping with her hand all-the-while. She moaned around my cock and I glanced down to see that her free hand was inside of her scrub bottoms. I looked back up and fisted my hand in her hair, forcing her head to move quicker along my length.

She followed want I wanted, taking me deeper into her mouth, then finally her throat, the tension building up in my balls and my head praying for some sort of release soon. I closed my eyes and Alice popped into my head, her cute little ass, her lithe frame, the way her tits bounced when I fucked her good and hard. I felt my dick twitch and my seed spill into her mouth and gagged the bitch. I looked down at her and didn't release her head until I was sure she swallowed it.

I walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of boxers, sweats and a clean tee-shirt and put them on before I faced her again, she looked like she was expecting something. I couldn't figure what. "You can go now." I told her in a controlled voice, she nodded a little surprised and left my room, shutting the door behind her with a soft click.

I stood there, staring out the window watching as the water poured down in sheets, staring at nothing really. I wasn't hungry so I didn't need to go down for dinner, I had my own personal bathroom so that wasn't a problem either, I could just stay here in my room until I died.

I meandered over to my bed and sat on the edge, rubbing the heels of my hands into the sockets and feeling the wetness of my tears, I went to the bathroom to blow my nose and tried to clean up my face a little. It was pretty pointless actually, my face was red and splotchy, but the strange thing was I hadn't even noticed I was crying.

-------

I awoke sweaty and feeling sick, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I felt like I was going to die, which my heart seemed to welcome, but my brain wouldn't let happen. I pressed the call button and instantly a nurse came in with a needle.

_Dear sweet Jesus, yes... _

She swabbed my arm with alcohol and then pushed the needle into my vein. My eyelids fluttered with pleasure and I think I may have moaned a little. She smiled briefly at me as I muttered my thanks to her, my nervous system slowing down and my mind becoming more alert. I could tell she was talking to me, so I nodded absentmindedly. She could've asked me if she looked like a baboon's ass, I honestly could have cared less. I could suddenly see colors I didn't even know existed being thrown by the raindrops.

I heard the door click closed as I continued to stare at the raindrops collecting on the window, the lamp light reflecting off them made them beautiful and fascinating. I had the urge to draw them… for Alice. I walked over to my wardrobe and opened the doors, searching in the bag of miscellaneous items for the notebook and pencil I had in here. I located them and brought the chair over from my desk and I began to sketch them furiously. I am nothing compared to Alice but I am a fairly good artist in my own right.

After filling the outline of the paper up with raindrops, I began writing Alice a letter. I poured every ounce of feeling into that letter and by the end of it I was crying again, emotionally drained. After wiping the tears off with my forearm and sniffling a lot to get myself under control I put the notebook back into the wardrobe and lay down in my bed. Waiting for sleep to find me.

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The next few days went by in a daze of the sun rising and the sun setting. I went to group therapy and one-on-one therapy session but didn't talk. I basically just sat in the chair with my knees up in front of me, trying to hide the hole inside of me that I'm sure was evident. I was done exposing the real me to the world.

I carried her bracelet in my pocket at all times, I don't know why I did it, I just did. I guess I needed that closeness to her that I was sure I would never experience again. That and her panties, I clung to them, feeling the soft lace between my fingertips every time I reached into my pocket. The smell of them, don't judge me, it was almost as good as smelling her and that ache in my chest wasn't going away.

After my last encounter with Nettie she's been avoiding me, which was a good thing in my opinion. I didn't want her around but then again, another part of me did. The part that had me beating off with Alice's panties a few times a day.

I've been reading while I have time, trying to take my mind off everything. There's a word for people like me sexually. I'm a sex addict. Neat-o. Another fan-fucking-tastic thing about myself that I pushed sweet Alice into. I am not fucking normal. Not that I have any clue as to what normal really is because I've never experienced it. But the book confirmed it for me, I am fucked in the head worse than I ever thought possible. Great.

After my ritual, open to close routine at the library, I decided to meet up with Hurley and Peter. They were some cool guys. Hurley was a compulsive overeater and mildly schizophrenic. Peter was addicted to meth and heroin; he was getting clean for his lady too. Well, he was getting clean for her. I don't know what I was getting clean for anymore.

They were at their usual table playing chess; Peter was hopelessly outmatched by Hurley. I would've joined in on their laughter, but I hadn't really been feeling the whole laughing thing much lately. I never realized how little I laughed without Alice around. I wish I didn't miss her so much.

I looked over the board and almost laughed out loud at the way Hurley had Peter cornered in this match. I was quite a good player as well, having spent many long nights playing against my father figure. It was our way of conversing. I wasn't as talkative as the other family members, but over a game of chess Carlisle would get me alone and then sometimes I'd talk to him.

I watched them for awhile, Peter lost to Hurley roughly every five minutes. I began to walk away, but Peter called out for me to wait for him as Hurley's nurses collected him. I guess it was medicine time. I waved to my jolly Hispanic friend and waited for Peter to catch up.

"Hey man."

I nodded my head a little in his direction, "Hey."

"How you holding up?" We walked through the doors that led to the courtyard and he instantly pulled a pack of smokes out as I did the same.

I shrugged in response to his question, "I dunno honestly."

"So that was your girl the other day huh?"

Fuck, I forgot they saw that little display, "She was, but she's not anymore."

He gave me a funny look, "Mind me asking why?"

We stopped and sat beneath a willow tree. "I'm not good enough for her."

"That's why you're here ain't it?"

"What do you mean?" I looked over at him slightly confused. I thought I was here to get over an addiction.

"Well the other day in group, you said you were here to be a better man for her." He shrugged, lighting up as he spoke. "I just don't understand how you're not good for her if you're getting help…"

"She's young man, and Nettie," I sighed deeply. "She told some of the Evals here that I was a pedophile because of my relationship with her and well, I don't know what they think... but it got me thinking, I am five years older than her and I brought her into my fucked up life." I leaned back to rest my head against the tree. Men don't cry in front of other men about women, it's an unspoken rule.

"She's legal ain't she?" I saw him shake his head in my peripheral, "Don't matter, listen man. Age doesn't mean shit. See I look at this way. At least when it comes to me and my girl, she was with me through all the bad shit and she's still fucking there waiting for me ya know?" He shrugged, "She knows what I was doing when we hooked up. Like your girl, Alice right?"

"Yeah…" I nodded to let him know he got her name right.

"Well, did Alice know about what you did when you two hooked up?" He asked. _Well, that's a loaded question._

"Um... Well... Okay, so this is some shit I'm still trying to figure out okay?"

He tilted his head to look at me, "Like what?"

"Um, I gave her free food and she offered me a blow job," I laughed at how we started and he joined me in my laughter.

"Wow, you lucky dog."

If only he knew. I pushed my hair behind my ears so I wouldn't light it on fire as I lit up my own cigarette up and took a drag. "Yeah," I nodded. "Well, that's the fucked up thing. I dunno why, but I wanted to fucking kiss her, I guess I was pretty fucked up because I wasn't getting that she used her mouth to get her things, you know what I mean?"

I looked over to see him taking a drag and looking like he was thinking about something. "She's a street girl?"

I nodded a little and shrugged. "Or she was."

"Wow... she quit?" He sounded surprised.

"Yeah for me, after I broke my arm." I took another long drag, thinking about how much we'd been through over these past three months. "I dunno. I've always believed she was too good for that shit, but she felt like she had to." I shook my head at that. "Damn, stubborn girl."

"Some people believe what they're told even when the shit isn't true." He took a drag quickly, blowing out a smoke ring. Parlor tricks. "Who's to say that she wasn't conditioned to think she was nothing better than that. For all you know you did the best thing for her, getting her to stop that shit." He smirked at me. "Don't you love how the best women are the most stubborn?"

That statement made me laugh, "I take it yours is stubborn too."

He nodded, "Yep and being in here is making it harder to get her to listen to me." He shook his head with a slight smile playing on his lips, "But I love her and I'd do anything for her…"

"Yeah I know what you mean." I'd still do anything for Alice. I'd be the Romeo to her Juliette if needed… Wow, that's a rather suicidal thought isn't it? I considered it as I took another drag.

He nodded, seeming like he was thinking again as we continued smoking our butts. "Cookie cutter question for you, why are you an addict?"

"Because I hate feeling shit. I hate emotions and I want to feel better. Because I had a fucked up childhood and have the scars to prove it." I told him the honest answer, I don't really know why but I was probably more honest with Peter than I was with anyone here at this damn place. "You?"

"Me?" He took another long drag, probably considering whether or not to tell me the truth as well. "All the cool kids were doing it an when the cheap shit didn't do it for me I moved up to Heroin," he shrugged.

I figured there was probably more to it than that, but I wasn't one to push. "How'd you meet your girl?"

"I was fucking her cousin." He stated simply. I couldn't help it, the way it said it and the fact it probably could only happen to an addict made me laugh. Hard.

"That's a nice way to meet a girl." I snorted out.

He joined me in my laughter again, shaking his head. "Yeah, Charlotte called me a pig and I was gone bro."

"That's quite the love story there... How'd you win her over?"

"You know," he shook his head while shrugging, "unfortunately I don't remember. I just remember her calling me a pig and then we were up just talking." He looked completely taken aback for a moment. "It was really fucking weird, cause I was actually listening to her and it was like the more she talked the more I wanted to know." He shrugged again. "She already knew what I did cause her cousin did it too. She told me straight up though she will not be touching that shit, ever."

"I think I freaked Alice out a little bit when I did it, she didn't know and I never really could figure out the 'hey I'm gonna go get high with my buddy over here and then fuck some chicks, can you keep the house maintained while I'm gone' conversation."

He scratched the back of his head while looking at me oddly, "But she stayed?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, she did." I considered that fact. She didn't have to stay, but she did. "I mean I stopped doing that awhile ago, it was before we were a couple. I was fucking her and sleeping with her and shit, but yeah, I dunno this shit is fucking complicated."

He laughed and leaned his head against the tree, "That's the great thing about fucking Love; it's the one drug you can't get a goddamned support group for."

I nodded, smiling at his statement. "Yeah, and I love her a lot. She's fucking perfect for me, you know? Wild, spontaneous, adventurous…"

"From what Hurley and I saw, she loves the shit out of you." He shook his head a little, laughing fairly hard. I wondered how much they saw. "That was by far the best reunion I've seen in this joint. But if she's so perfect for you, how is what you had wrong?"

"Because I am doing to her what Maria did to me."

"Who the fuck is Maria?" His voice was colored with confusion.

I had no idea if I actually wanted to get into this with him. I rubbed my face trying to decide as I said, "My former foster sister."

"Care to share what you mean by you're doing what she did to you, but to Alice?"

I looked down, still ashamed of myself after all these years. "When I was twelve I was a curious kid, you know, like about girls?" I gave him a half smile. I knew he'd get what I meant. _Too many damn hormones if you ask me._

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Well, I was watching Maria get changed one day and she started to touch herself…" I chewed my lip as I remembered hiding in Maria's closet, peeking through a crack as she got naked. She had been messing with me in the pool because I wouldn't take off my t-shirt, so instead she decided to put her hands up under it and rubbed my skin. She kept jumping on me and rubbing up against me until her daddy called her into the pool house. I wondered why he always called her in there, but every time she looked like she was going to get sick. I knew better then to ask questions though. I'd lived in too many homes for that. "Which is hot to see when you're twelve."

"Hell yeah, live action porn right there."

I nodded, smirking as I remembered her lying on the bed touching herself and I was getting aroused as I watched her. And as uncomfortable as it was for me at the time, there was no way you could've paid me to leave... I started to rub myself through the basketball shorts I was wearing then she moaned my name. Well, more specifically, she moaned for me to fuck her and as embarrassing as it is, I came in my pants. I was none too quiet about it either, because a second after I recovered the door flew open and Maria was glaring at me. In all her naked glory. "Well she caught me."

"No shit, really?" He sounded freaked out. If only he knew.

"Yeah, I thought I was fucking dead too." I lit another cigarette, continuing on. I remembered being amazed at how strong she was because I may have only been twelve but I was five ten and one hundred and seventy pounds at the time and she dragged me over to her bed like I weighed nothing. I thought she was going to kick my ass or worse so I did as she told me to and lay on her bed. That's when she taught me how to eat pussy and when she told me I could, quote 'be with her', as long as I followed her rules. I was so much in puppy love because of all the things she was doing to me, I couldn't even think straight and I happily agreed to her terms. "Thankfully the whore was hornier than she was angry and I was a big boy at twelve, if you follow me."

"Yeah man." I heard him, but he sounded miles away.

"So I learned the fine art of fucking way before I should have, from a girl who was much older, much more experienced and a fucking sadist." We continued on like that, evidentially she had me trained so that I almost had a permanent hard on around her and we had sex several times a day. I was in puberty heaven. When she told me she was a vampire, I didn't readily believe her. After all, I lived in the real world and I knew the girl I was in love with was on some serious drugs. But the first time she had an orgasm in my face after drinking my blood, I was pretty damn well convinced.

I was okay with it too, I guess I loved her or needed to love her, or something. Everything was fine until the Gonzales got a new foster child. A thirteen year old girl with dark brown hair, dark blue eyes, full pouty lips; I couldn't see straight I ended up so horny around her. I think Maria could sense that shit too, she started to refer to her as the whore, but then she would play with her like she played with me at first. She even convinced her to join in on our games, but when Maria saw how excited I got over the girl, she got jealous and threatened to kill her while holding a knife to her throat. When I freaked out and told her I would tell CPS, she stabbed me.

"And you think that you're fucking with Alice when you're... fucking?" Peter's voice brought me out of my thoughts and I nodded.

"I'm the Maria in the fucked up game." Minus the whole blood thing.

"Nah, you got at least one good thing going for you that she never had." He disagreed.

"And that is?"

"Are you really gonna make me go all Dr. Phil up in this bitch?" He asked me, his voice teasing as he lit another cigarette and took a deep puff off it.

"I guess I am because I am at a total loss and I've had more counseling than you, pretty boy."

That got him to laugh, "Meh, I blame my girl, she makes me all romantic and shit. Then answer there snippy, is a pure love. I don't know what happened with you and this Maria chick, if there was ever a love or not. But dude seriously, look at it from where I'm standing," He laughed again. "Or sittin', whatever," he shook his head. "Alice gave up what she knew to be with you, you my friend are giving up what you know to be with her. You following?" I nodded, considering his words. "That says a lot about you two right there as a couple, 'cause she had no idea when and if she was gonna see you at your worst but she was still there, you know? And you… You know what your poison will do to you and why you need it. Yet here you fucking are, sitting on this damp ass crab grass trying to fuckin' kick the shit in its balls." He blew a few more parlor trick rings of smoke. "Just sayin'."

I nodded while I tried to show him up with the smoke circle, barely fucking succeeded too, maybe I need to practice more. "Yeah. God I'm an idiot."

"How so?"

"I fucking broke up with her... Well kinda," _I think that was the way she saw it, I was merely giving her the chance to move on and well, I guess she took it. _Fuck. I rubbed my face roughly. "Fuck, I dunno."

"I'm gonna give you my best advice," he laughed a little, "I guess I've done that all day anyhow." He said before clearing his throat. "You gotta be honest with Alice. This place is hell on not only us, but the on the ones we love and stuck around to love us back. Fucking grovel if you have to man."

"Yeah." He had a good point, I bit my lip. "And I swear to Christ I don't want the last time I hit that sweet ass to be in the middle of a storm on a concrete table."

"Seriously?" He gave me an amused smile, making me smirk. Yeah that's how my girl is.

"You saw what she was wearing right? No way in fuck was I not gonna tap that."

"Just 'cause I got a girl don't mean I'm blind…" I knew what he meant. He smoked more, looking like he was thinking about something. "Wait… the storm was the last and only time I've seen…" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, I'm an Asshole."

He shook his head, making me look at him. "I've done worse man, we all fuck up it's human nature."

"Enlighten me and maybe I'll think about going in there and trying to call my girl."

He scowled a little and then looked straight ahead, all happiness gone from his face. "Fucked her cousin while she was passed out in the other room the same night you promised to be faithful?"

Yeah, that's pretty fucked. Even by my standards. "Touché. Was she at least hot?" He shook his head. "Damn." I nudged him, trying to make him happy again. "It could be worse."

"How do you figure?" He scoffed at me.

I put my cigarette in the corner of my mouth and lifted up my shirt to reveal the most recent wound Medusa had inflicted. "Bitch could've cut you in some fucked up high where she believed she was a vampire and wanted to suck your blood the day your girl is home cooking you a special dinner to celebrate you getting your cast off."

"Damn dude… That is fucked." He looked at me with a rather shocked expression. I dropped the shirt back down and took a drag.

"I fucking hate Maria."

"I don't even know the cunt and I hate her." He agreed. I smiled at him and I swear to God that fucking Toy Story song came on in my head.

"Thanks." I said, nodding my head a little at my friend.

"No problem." He gave me a half smile, "So you gonna," he nodded his head in the direction of the buildings and most likely the phones. "You know?"

She's never gonna take me back. "Yeah. Wish me luck?"

"Good luck man, you know where to find me if you need another Dr. Phil moment," he finished with a smirk. I nodded my gratitude. I only hoped Alice would listen to the fucked up ramblings of an addict now.

----

Once I got to the common room I stared at the phone for awhile. Finally after Peter's words rang in my head enough I dialed the number and counted the rings. One, two, three, oh for the love of –

"Hello?" Edward answered, sounding rather breathless.

"Hey Ed, um," I rubbed the back of my neck; I wondered how much of a douche I was going to sound like asking this. "Can I talk to Alice please?"

He hesitated for a minute, "Um… she's not here right now."

"Oh." Well, fuck there goes that plan.

"I'll tell her you called."

"Kay." I sighed and hung up. It's been four days since I heard her voice and I feel like my chest is about to cave in.

----

The next few days followed the same pattern, I'd call a few times and either the phone would just ring or Alice had just left. Maybe she really had moved on. The thought made me sadder than I ever thought possible.

I went to group and one on one's as usual, still not talking, still not caring. I couldn't get my mind off Alice. I wanted, no needed to be with her again. I was half tempted to sign myself out and leave, just so I could hold her in my arms again. It wasn't like they could force me to stay; this wasn't court ordered or anything.

But I stayed. Because I promised her I would get better. Fuck. When did I decide to keep every promise I made to this girl. It was driving me insane. I had gone through nine days of turmoil. Watching the sun rise, reading every book I could get my hands on, watching Peter and Hurley play chess, watching the sun go down. There was a comfort in the routine of things but my heart ached and I felt so lost without Alice. I wondered why it was so easy for her to move on.

Nettie however, seemed to have gotten over whatever was wrong before because she started coming around again. Not that I really wanted to fuck her any more, but I gotta give the girl credit for trying. She's a crafty little bitch too, she straight up woke me up this morning to give me a 'therapeutic massage', complete with a happy ending. I don't understand how this chick just didn't understand that I didn't want her wrinkled old pussy.

----

Nine days had passed. I was worried that Alice really had moved on, I think I may have drained my body of all its tears. I'd pretty much stayed up the past two nights crying like a baby and pulling my hair. I didn't leave my room other than to try and call Alice. I heard the nurses whispering things about clinical depression. I didn't give a fuck, I needed Alice.

At the ten day mark, Nettie must've thought she had the answer to all my problems because she crawled into bed with me and began turning me on. A big problem with this chick was she fucking knew my hot spots. That shit sucks. I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy it because well, the friction on my dick felt great. It did. And she let me stare at the wall and call out Alice's name too. So yeah, it wasn't entirely bad, it was when she tried to kiss me after that I flipped on her middle aged ass.

She left quickly after that, looking rather crestfallen. I seriously hoped that bitch never thought I would actually have feelings for her. She was a piece of ass back in the day and she still was. I mean, she has the personality of a wet mop, and well, she's simply not my type.

Day eleven I called and Edward answered the phone again. He sounded uncomfortable after telling me that once again, Alice was not home. As I was letting him go he called my attention.

"Hey Jazz? I've been meaning to talk to you about something." I lowered myself in my seat prepping myself for anything.

"Okay. Talk."

"Um, Jazz I know you broke up with Alice, and well, we're dating now. So I just wanted you to know. She's mine now." Okay I was prepared for anything but that. I think I made a sound because suddenly the nurses were grabbing me and sedating me. Fuck. My. Life.

---

They kept me sedated and locked to a bed for two days straight. I was fed intravenously and cried anytime I came out of my stupor. I was, in short, rather pathetic.

I couldn't stop thinking about him touching her, kissing her, making her moan or making her laugh. I was insanely jealous and morbidly depressed. I had never wanted to die as badly as I did right in this moment. I lost. I fucked up big and I fucking lost.

But after I entertained the thoughts of my own demise, the rational side of my brain took over and I began to think about things. Of course she would go for Edward, he was successful already and he wasn't even a full doctor yet. He was handsome and kind, and nowhere near as fucked in the head as I was. In all reality I probably would've left me for him too.

That doesn't mean it hurt any less. Because trust me, it hurt. It hurt something fierce. After Didyme cleared me as mentally stable enough to get out of solitary confinement, I found out I was going to have a visitor that day. I was excited, but I was also rather reluctant. I wanted to see Alice so badly so I could win her back I could practically taste her. I knew that anyone else visiting me was going to feel like chopped liver.

I picked up Alice's letter and headed down to the lobby where we were supposed to meet visitors, craning my head around while playing her bracelet in my pocket, looking for her. My face fell when I didn't see her. Fuck okay it's someone else, I began looking for the various members of my family and the corner of my mouth lifted a little when I saw Emmett. He grinned like a fool and strode over to man-hug me.

"Hey lil' bro! You're looking good."

That made me laugh, I've been in sedation for two days and hadn't slept the two days prior to that, how the hell could I look good? "You really think so?"

He laughed because I called his bluff, "Alright, well you look like shit, but healthy shit."

I clapped his shoulder and smiled at him, "There's the honest Emmett I know and love."

He nodded a little and raised an eyebrow at me, "Wanna get away from the others and talk?"

Ah, so he's here on a mission. I love that he's upfront and honest. I nodded and tilted my head towards the open front doors, "Yeah we'll go for a walk."

He motioned for me to walk ahead, "You know this joint better than me."

"Let's walk then." I told him, shoving my hands in the pockets of the sweat pants and striding out the double doors into the late July warmth.

"How you holding up?" He asked, walking next to me. I might have long legs, Emmett has longer and he kept in stride with me pretty easily.

I shrugged and sighed, "Did you know that me and Alice we're…"

He nodded, "Yeah... I've heard."

"Well, I dunno, I just feel like I'm not all here." _And like I don't really want to be here without her._

"I can understand why." His voice was full of compassion.

"Really? Care to inform me? Because I did it so she could move on, which she has," I scowled. "But now I'm all fucked up."

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow as we walked across the lawn, "You think she's moved on?" He shook his head. "Man, you remember the shit I put Rosie through when we were younger? I swear it was like half of my soul was gone when that went down. That's what I meant. I know what it's like to feel like you're a zombie."

I walked over and sat on one of the concert tables, it didn't escape my attention that I seem to have an affinity for these things. "Trust me Em, I know Alice moved on." I pulled a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, inhaling deeply before I continued, waiting for Emmett to join me, he sat on the bench. "To our other brother, as a matter of a fact... Stealthy mother fucker." I glared at the ground. Bitch knew how I felt about Alice and he still went after her, I hadn't expected him to do that.

He scowled a little and folded his arms across his chest, "With Ed?"

I took a long drag; I had accepted and digested this fact. "Yep. And I broke a phone to prove it."

Em rubbed the back of his neck then, "I don't know man... I took the girls over there yesterday and," he shook his head. "Mom says shit's gotten worse."

"How so?" Things were bad? Why hasn't anyone told me?

He sighed, "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, understood?" I nodded as he read my face, smoking my cigarette to calm my nerves. What if she had done something stupid. "When whatever went down with you and Mini happened, Mom said she had to get her stuff out of your room 'cause she couldn't go in without breaking down or freaking out. She didn't eat or nothing for a few days." He shrugged, "Apparently Bella couldn't even get her to come out. Then Mom tells me that she's smiling again but still distant. And yeah she smiles but it's not that light up the room smile she has. A few days ago, I ran by the house 'cause we left Kayla's bear there by accident. Mom and Dad were out, and Alice was full out screaming at Edward. Saying things that would make Rose proud." He raised an eyebrow and nodded a little at the expression on my face. Hmm, I wonder what she said. "Then this morning Mom calls me worried cause Alice is talking about going back to Cali so 'The Cullen's don't have to put up with her anymore', a direct quote."

I rubbed my face with my free hand, I didn't know what was going on and hated not being able to talk to her and find out. "I... I don't even know what to think about that. I keep thinking about leaving so that I can go to her and beg her to take me back. I fucked up, I didn't mean for her to leave me, I don't know what I expected but I wouldn't doubt it if she hated me."

Emmett sighed, "Yeah... She doesn't hate you. According to Bella you're all she'll talk about most days when she's talking." He shrugged, "My opinion is don't leave until you're done. She'll blame herself if you left." He scratched his nose, what the fuck was he nervous about? "And even more so if you were to start up again 'cause you left early." Oh there we go. He shot me an apologetic look.

"Yeah…" I agreed, taking a drag off my cigarette, "That's why I haven't yet. How're Mom and Dad?"

He laughed a little bit. "You know them; their main concern is you and Alice." He nodded as if to answer his own thoughts. "But they're good. Mom's learning what it's like to have moody teenager again." He smirked.

She wasn't all that bad when she was with me, I smirked. "I didn't mind it."

That really got him cracking up, "I bet." After he regained his composure he tilted his head to look at me, studying me. "Why did you think she needed to move on?"

Ah shit, of course he asks that. "I dunno man." I pulled the front of my hair a little at the scalp, trying to relieve the headache that was building. "Just a bunch of shit floating in my head." He nodded, still looking at me curiously. "Like she deserves better. You know her, she's a sweet girl." I shook my head, "I'm destroying her."

"Bullshit Jazz." He glared at me a little as he shook his head, "You weren't destroying her. If anything I think you two were saving each other. She made you see you were better than that trash you were using and you made her see that at least someone was grateful for her being born." He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his finger. _Ut oh, this is when Emmett reveals something big. _"It ain't like you knocked her up then knocked the shit out of her."

I couldn't stop myself from scowling, "That's another thing Em," I leaned back as I thought things over. _She miscarried, so she probably wanted kids? Since she had been pregnant once? _"What if she wants kids Em? I've been kicked in the nuts so many times I think I'm probably sterile. I get what you're saying, I just gah… She deserves so much better than me."

"Uh... Well according to a reliable source she can't have them either." He said quickly before smacking my leg. Shit. Distract me with pain so I can't ask questions huh? "What's with this self hatred man? That's not my brother talking. Who's fucked with your head this time?" He raised an eyebrow at me. Shit. He knew. How the fuck did he know?

"Some bitch... never mind Em." I didn't even want to think about everything that's happened.

"Do I need to go old school on you to get you to talk to me?" He smiled wickedly at me, I hate that smile. "Mom ain't here to break it up…"

"No one, this bitch nurse here called me a pedo and fucking reported my ass."

"What the fuck?" He shook his head, "Wasn't justified 'cause they would have taken Alice out of Mom and Dad's custody."

I raised my eyebrow at that, "For real?"

He nodded, "Yeah, they tried to take her once already but Rosie says it was 'cause of that asshole Jorge claiming he had legal guardianship over her." He shrugged, "Alice made a statement and everything against him and his son, so she's technically a Cullen right now... See, I told you it was good that I'm banging Rosie," He smirked as I grimaced. "She tells me shit."

"Shit. That's some shit for her to go through. Fuck, I'm an asshole." I should've been there for her.

He shook his head again, "Again, trust me compared to what she's been through before you even came into her life...You're not as bad as you think you are."

Oh, but you're wrong big brother. I pulled the carefully folded note out of my pocket and handed it to him. "I wrote that for her... um could you?"

He nodded then smiled at me, "Only if it ain't your last will and testament…" he joked.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. What did I have to give anyone in a will? "No, I dunno if it's an apology or just a really fucked up way of saying I love you. My hearts in it though."

He gave me a rather cocky smile. "You mean you have one?"

"Yeah, unfortunately Alice usually fucking carries it shit head." I snapped, scowling at him.

That made him laugh, "Well fuck me and call me Sally." He nodded a little after he was finished laughing, trying his best to give me a serious expression. "I'll make sure she gets it."

"Thanks Sally," I teased before I chewed my lip, thinking about the one family member I wanted to ask about the most. "How's Ed?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. I knew he was possibly fucking the love of my life, but he was still my brother and one of my best friends for all intent and purpose.

He played up the girl act, flipping imaginary hair and batting his eyes at me, before laughing. "Ed is Ed." He shrugged, pausing to find words. "I think he's just as confused as you are about this whole fucked up thing and whatever isn't going on with him and that Bella chick."

Well, I hadn't really heard anything about that. Em definitely peaked my curiosity with that. "Yeah? What about that?"

He shook his head laughing, "Your little 'kitten'," he used finger quotes for that, making me laugh, "she's been pulling every trick in the book to get Ed to look at Bella. And I just gotta say the girls ain't anything like they were when I was that age…"

Oh really now? I smirked. "Details big bro, details."

"Well there's the pool incident, according to your girl, Bella is perky for a D." He waggled his eyebrows at me. Well there was some good information. "Alice has done everything, including full on lesbian action with her knowing exactly when Edward would walk in. And get this! Bella is all game for it!"

At that I sat up and leaned my forearms on my knees, "By 'but full on lesbian action', do you mean there's been some kind of lesbian action?"

He nodded, "I even walked in on them rounding second base…"

That is kind of hot. I wondered if they've done more together. My mind started to wander down that road and I noticed that my dick had a mind that wandered that way too. I ended up shifting my position a little so Em wouldn't notice the full on wood I was sporting. "I haven't seen this Bella... is she hot?"

"She's cute," he nodded a little, shrugging. "Let's see how to describe her." He rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about it. "She's a little taller than Alice, her hair is just as long and brown, but not a dull brown. According to Alice she's got a silver medal in kissable lips." He snorted out a laugh. "Apparently you still hold the gold in that one."

"That's kind of hot."

"I know! Dude, I can't even imagine how you feel." He shook his head as if shaking it out of a stupor. "If Rosie would have done that with one of the Denali sisters back in the day…"

"You would've fucked her on the stairs versus getting the pickup stuck in the river when you fucked her there?" And yes, I was able to say that in an uninterested voice.

"Exactly!" He agreed enthusiastically, laughing.

"Dude, that little lady is gonna get me in trouble."

He nodded, "And you'll love every minute of it. Oh what the hell, I forgot I had this." He pulled his phone and seemed to be looking through it before handing it to me. "That is Bella."

I looked at the picture on the phone; Alice and this chesty brunette girl were hugging each other, seemingly blissfully happy and getting sunburned. "Well," I looked over Bella a little more closely. "She's not bad." I shrugged as I handed him back the phone and smirked. "Not Alice, but not bad. Definitely D's."

He continued to look through, laughing at my comments. "Yeah, definitely not Alice." He sat there looking at something for a long moment. "She smiles, like I said but it's forced unless it's with bosom buddy…" He chewed his lip before handing the phone back to me. "Look for yourself, the last four are of her. She'd kill me if she knew I was taking them to show you."

I looked through, noticing her smile was tight lipped and not meeting her eyes. She looked as lonely as I felt. It made that ache for her stronger. "She's still beautiful, even when she's sad." I handed the phone back to Emmett and smiled at him a little in effort to show my gratitude. "You can tell her I said that."

Emmett patted my shoulder. "You can tell her yourself when you get out of here."

"It's only what? Five more weeks?" I scoffed.

He shrugged. "It'll be worth it in the end right?"

"If she forgives me, yeah." Otherwise I might kill myself. _What? Yes, I am fucking serious. _

He nodded, "She will, she loves you. You just need to stop listening to stupid bitches," He gave me an eyebrow, "Your family loves you man and we know what you and Alice got ain't something that most find."

"Does Ed know that?"

Emmett rubbed his face roughly, "I hope he does cause I love him, you know that. But I swear," he shook his head, "he needs to learn to listen. I don't talk 'cause I like the sound of my voice."

He so opened himself for this one, I smirked. "You sure about that?"

"Ha ha ha, someone had to make up for Emo Eddie and you." He looked confused about something for a minute. "Why didn't you ever tell Alice you two were close?"

I shrugged. "It never came up and I didn't want her to feel guilty." I sighed. "Shit bro, you know I have never gotten jealous over a girl wanting his junk before."

"Then fight for her fucker. I'll play messenger and give her the letter but the rest is up to you."

I nodded vigorously. "I tried, I've been trying. But when I call, she's never home." I sighed with despair, how am I supposed to fight for her from here?

"Who answers the phone?" What does that matter?

"Um... usually Ed and Esme once."

He nodded, "Word of advice, call during the day when Ed's not home... She starts school in two weeks, by the way. I'm supposed to tell you that. She wanted you to know she got in." He gave me a small proud papa smile. I gave him one of my own.

"That's great. I'm proud of her. And I will."

He nodded, "Good. The girls say hi by the way. Anna says you still have to help her finish her puzzle." He laughed and I joined in, I was sure that twenty-five piece puzzle would've been done by now.

"Tell her I will, if her momma ever lets me see her again."

He sighed deeply, "Right now Rose is more open to you seeing the kids then your better half." He rolled his eyes.

"Why? What did Alice do to her?"

Emmett shrugged, "Fuck if I know. She goes from saying how she's a bad influence especially for Amber, who loves the shit out her let me just say; to feeling sorry for her cause of all the shit she went through at the hands of people that were supposed to protect her."

"She better get the fuck over it." I said defensively. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Alice is gonna be around a long time if I have anything to say about it. Rosie better just get used to it."

The corners of his lips turned up into a wry smile. "Glad to see you got your balls back Jazz."

I flipped him off while laughing. "How come you're here anyway?"

"Can't I come see my bro?"

_I dunno can you? _"Rose let you?"

"Mom'sgotthegirls…" He said in a rush.

"That's what I thought, when is Rose gonna let me see you?"

"When she thinks you've learned you're listen. Don't get her wrong Jazz, she loves you, you're her brother." He shook his head ruefully. "She just can't stand to see you like that anymore."

"Yeah, I know." I gave him an understanding half smile. "I thought she understood me the best though," I shrugged. "I guess not."

"No she does." He gave a nod, "She just thinks you're a fool," he smiled a little. "Well, she thinks we all are for letting you do your own thing."

"I wish I could get all y'all back." I pulled my hair again; I was really having a bad craving. Em, Ed, Rose, Alice. Everything. I just wanted the pain and the feelings to go away.

"You will, when we get you back."

I nodded, not understanding what he meant but I really needed to get my mind of the craving. Maybe it was time to use those exercise facilities they always hype here. "What time do you gotta pick the girls up?"

He looked at his watch. Rolex. Baby mama made him a kept man. "Uh... I told Mom I'd be back before Rose gets off. It's pizza night." He grinned.

That made me laugh, "Aww, Mr. Mom doesn't wanna make a good four course meal?"

"Fuck you. I have a secret weapon in the form of _someone's _love that apparently loves pepperoni pizza and salad." He smirked at me. "And clean up is easy."

I scowled at him, "That's terrible that you use her against me."

He grinned, "No, I use her against Mom." Then he laughed as he looked to be thinking about something. "Mom is just as immune to her pout as she was to yours."

"Too bad she always laughed at yours huh?"

He laughed heartily, "Yeah, she finally told me why."

"And what did she say?"

"That while I was trying to act innocent my eyes gave it away, where as you were better at masking the mischief. And when you had precious Eddie backing you up, she had a hard time saying no to the green eyed babies." He rolled his eyes. "You guys were just momma's boy."

That was funny. Me? A mama's boy? I snorted. "Sure. Kay. Whatever."

"Yeah, I'm full of shit." He laughed.

"Hence the reason your eyes are brown." I teased.

He responded by punching me in the arm. Hard. "Fuck you Jazz."

I laughed despite the numb feeling that made my fingers go all tingly. Shit. "Fuck that hurts worse than I remember."

"Pussy," He teased back, laughing.

I kicked his thigh hard. It was like kicking a cinderblock. "Fuck you, I ain't... wait..." I smirked at my sudden wit. "I guess you are what you eat then huh?" I chuckled.

"Ow!" He whined, rubbing the post where I kicked him and laughing. "Yes, if that's the case then you are a walking vagina."

"You're just fucking jealous 'cause you can't do it as good as I can."

He scoffed at me, "All I have to do is lick my lips and Rose is soaked fucker."

"I just have to tell her to spread 'em and Alice is ready jackass."

"It's 'cause you got that fucking southern accent cheater." He defended.

"She's really audibly stimulated too," I winked and laughed.

He shook his head, "Happily married, shut the fuck up dude."

I gave him a lazy smile, "I've missed you."

He smiled at that. "I missed you too bro."

"I can't have these little jokes with Ed, 'cause he don't get that shit... or at least he didn't." Fuck why did I even start talking about that?

I caught his nervous tick again, "Yeah I know what you mean... but man he's changing…"

"What do you mean?"

"He's just... Different." He shrugged.

"How is he different?" I pressed and he raised his eyebrow at me.

"You sure you want to know?"

"Yeah, I already broke a phone over shit," I shrugged, lighting up another cigarette to calm my craving a little.

"Point taken... Well we all know darling little miss doesn't censor herself and she told him to 'eat her' and I expected him to blush and stutter. He just smirked and said 'later'," He shook his head. He said, later? To my… no jackass, not mine… to Alice? "I was on the floor laughing 'cause Alice's face was priceless."

"What was her face?" I burned my hand a little with some of the ash from my cigarette hit it. Damn that shit hurts.

"She was bright red and in shock." He laughed.

It sounded like her when you shocked her, "Yeah."

"Like I said, he's changing." He shrugged as he looked at his watch. "Is it bad that I don't want to leave yet?"

"Nah, I have that effect on everyone." I smirked. As much as I needed him to leave so I could distract myself from the now panging need for a rock, I was lonely and liked talking to him. "You'll come back right?"

He held his fist up and I automatically raised mine to bump fists with him. "Definitely," he smirked. "Who knows I might come bearing gifts next time."

"That would be cool." I admitted.

"Take care man." He got up to leave.

"You too, hug the girls for me and tell Alice she's beautiful for me?"

"Of course." He smiled.

"Thanks."

"No prob." He began walking away. "See yah later and remember to lock your doors before you jerk off."

That made me laugh pretty hard, "Will do." He joined in on my laughter and walked towards his hummer. I finished my smoke before I went to the gym. The craving was strong and I hoped that if I made myself exhausted then I could just go to sleep without caring about it.

I tried to call Alice the next day and no one answered. I exercised and tried to eat the little bit I could. The cravings were getting as out of control as my mood swings. I was alternating between jealousy over Edward, despair and generalized sadness. My sunshine was gone. I tried to sleep that night but I kept having nightmares. I felt like I was slowly being driven crazy. God and the whole world was against me. Fuck. My. Life.

Monday rolled around and it was officially two weeks since I had last seen my kitten, three since I got to this place and I had never felt this depressed before in my life. I really wanted to get high but I knew that if I did get high again I would lose any shot I had to get her back. In the grand scheme of things, Alice mattered more.

_Yeah just keep thinking that, you idiot. She's with Edward and not taking your calls remember? _

I tried to eat the runny scrambled eggs and black toast they served at breakfast and skipped lunch in favor of running. Must. Not. Think. About. Bliss. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I pushed myself harder, ran faster, lifted weights and when that didn't work, I lifted more.

Visitor hours passed. I should've known I wasn't going to get any visitors. I got some books from the library to read in my room until dinner and prayed that reading would be able to quench the compulsion. Pony Boy was not holding my attention and I love this fucking book. _Maybe I could call Larry, or Maria… _my skin crawled at the very thought.

_No dip-shit. Alice. Alice. Alice. God damn it all! _I let out a frustrated cry and tugged on my hair. I am officially going insane. Lock me in a padded room please, I can't fucking take it anymore. I heard a low knock on the door. Someone was answering my internal cries? _Were they internal? Shit. I take it back._

"Jasper?" I heard the sweet voice of one of my favorite nurses, Michelle. She was a sweet lady, a bit older than me, short brown hair, big bright green eye and she was really pretty. I would do her if I had met her before I met Alice. Really, it's too bad. I looked at her and nodded my head slightly to let her know she could continue. "It's normally not allowed but you seem so down and you don't get many, so we nurses decided to break a rule for you." She smiled warmly at me. Wait? What rule were they breaking for me?

"Um. Excuse me… what?" I asked, letting every bit of confusion color my tone.

"Oh I'm sorry," she blushed a little looking at me. Okay girlie, stop checking me out and spit it out already. "You have a visitor." Thank the – wait. I have a what?

I gave her a confused look and slowly climbed off the bed. Wondering who in God's name would come visit me right now. I scooted past her and padded down the stairs to the front lobby. My breathing caught as I took in who my visitor was. She was leaning over the front desk looking very bored and showing off her perfect back dimples, her skin practically glowing against the black fabric of her top. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes as I looked at her.

_Alice. _

_

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**End note: Okay so... what did y'all think of the chapter? It made me nervous to write, I put a lot of tears and sweat and mental angst in it so let me know what you think and review please.**


	18. Moving On

**Disclaimer: We only own the story line to DaS. Jasper and Alice are variants of Stephenie Meyer's characters of Twilight and she owns that.**

**Robs: **So I keep forgetting to thank the people who helped me with their personal rehab experiences, Linds, Tippi, my brother, who unfortunately fell off the wagon again, Melissa and K's mom, who worked at a rehab facility for five years. The rehab facility that Jasper is going to in this story the only one I know like it is in my home state, it addresses the issue that many addicts usually have emotional and mental problems as well.

**K: **Thank you to all that have shown their support with this story and whatever else. Big congratulations to musicalsara who was the highest bidder at the Support Stacie Author Auction. It was a blast to be a part of and thanks to all of you that joined in the fun. Remember that this is Alice's pov of the two weeks without Jasper so hopefully it fills in some gaps for you.

**Warning: Tissues are definitely needed!!!**

**A big thanks to Mistress Red Pen AmberStar63, for being the fucking brilliant beta and superb friend to both Robs and myself :)**

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**Moving On**

_But seduction isn't making someone do what they don't want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already._

_~Waiter Rant, Waiter Rant weblog, 11-29-05_

I ran as quickly as I could. Passing the concerned nurses and visitors, past a few doctors who asked if I was okay. Right past Esme and Carlisle, not caring who was calling after me. I wanted to run as fast as I could away from here. Away from all of them, but more importantly, I wanted to get away from him.

How could he not even look at me as he ripped my heart out like that? Maybe it was easier for him, to avoiding looking at me. Lord knows I wouldn't want to see him crying if I was leaving him.

But then again, I wouldn't do this to him.

I don't remember Esme and Carlisle coming out after me. I just remember the cold rain soaking me, the thunder echoing in my ears as I prayed for the lightening to hit me. But they did come out after me, got me into the car and back to the house.

I didn't say a word. What could I say? Even to me it was hard to vocalize what had happened internally. I was lost without him. I thought he needed me. I guess I should have known better.

I didn't lie when I told him that I'd still love him. I will. Nothing could ever change that and he's a fool if he thinks I could just move on like he never meant anything.

When we got the house, I went straight to the bathroom and locked myself in. I would sleep in the tub if I had too, I couldn't go into his room for my things. He was going to haunt me now, whether he knew it or not.

Sitting on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, resembling a drowned rat, I leaned against the tub, hugging my knees to my chest as I cried myself to sleep.

I heard whispering around me before something warm was draped across my legs. I groaned and told whoever it was to let me die. I heard a chuckle that sounded like Emmett as someone picked me up in their arms.

I wrapped my arms around their neck and whimpered as I felt a kiss pressed into my head.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered as he carried me up the stairs, "it'll be okay. You deserve better anyway." I wanted to yell at him and tell him that Jasper was the best I will ever have. But I couldn't find the fight in me anywhere. Instead I let the exhaustion take over and I drifted back into the all too familiar darkness.

The next day I woke up in a strange room I'd never seen before, in the arms of my best friend. I wanted to ask her if I'd had a bad dream, if I was in her room and if that's why I didn't know where I was. I knew the truth though when she smiled at me sadly.

I cried in her arms for a few more hours before I was able to tell her what happened. When I asked what I did wrong, what I could have done to avoid it, she merely shook her head and said to give things time.

I spent all of Tuesday and most of Wednesday crying in Bella's arms, not once wanting to leave. She never pushed me to leave the room or to be social. If anything she seemed to understand the way I felt.

Wednesday evening she had to go home. She had to work opening on Thursday but she promised to come back after work. I didn't want her to put her life on hold for me, I told her I'd be fine and I'd call her if I wasn't. She gave me a skeptical look but nodded before leaving.

I went into the bathroom, turning the light on for the first time only to slap the fucker back off quickly. _Jesus Christ I looked like hell_. I scared myself!

It's official, I needed a shower and a weed whacker for my hair!

I grabbed the hair tie off the bedside table and quickly pulling the rat nest on my head into a bun before braving Jasper's room. Luckily while Bella was here, she had gone in and got my sweats and some panties but that was it. Now I wanted the rest of my stuff, everything except what he got me.

I slowly made my way down the stairs to the second floor landing, his door was open and I could hear voices in the room. I quietly made my way closer so I could now make out the voices of Bella and Edward. I leaned against the wall, just outside the door and listened to them. I was curious as to what they were saying.

"I don't think she's gonna be okay to come in here by herself. So I was thinking, maybe later you could help bring her things up to the room she's in now. I mean if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, that sounds fine." Edward responded."Thanks," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"No problem and uh… if she starts crying again she quiets down if you give her a hug or hold her." Bella explained. I rolled my eyes. I can't believe she just told him that. "I'm sure you know what to do. I just don't like seeing her like this." I could hear the sadness in her voice and I would have run in and hugged her but I didn't want to get in trouble for eavesdropping.

_Is it eavesdropping when they're talking about you?_

"I don't either..." Edward sighed. "I'll do what I can, but I'm sure she won't want me, so it might... she'll probably need you." I could just see the pained smile he was giving her at admitting that.

"Well you have my number so call me if you need help. Thanks for calling me when you found her." Ah ha! So he called her. _Wait, how did Freak Boy get her number?_ "I've gotta run." _Oh shit!_ I quickly ran up the steps some to get out of sight.

"Thanks for helping."

"Bye Edward."

"Bye," he said as she headed out the door. I could see the faint pink of her cheeks so I knew she was giddy over being alone with Edward. That only made me feel worse 'cause I ruined a potentially good moment for her.

I waited until I heard the front door close before starting attempt number two to get my things. I made it as far as the outside of the door frame before I had to look away. I wasn't sure if Edward had noticed me there, but I knew I didn't want him to see me cry just from looking in Jasper's room.

_How pathetic._

I looked down at my feet and wiped the tears from my eyes as I cleared my throat. "Ah, Edward?"

"Ah, Alice?" I heard him tease, making me look up at him to see a small smile playing at his lips.

"Could you do me a favor?" I looked back down at my feet and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I thought about what I was about to ask him to do.

"Anything."

I shifted my weight from my left foot to my right. "I uh, need a shower… bad... and I don't know if I can," I nodded my head in the direction of the closet where all my clothes were, hoping he understood. "So I was wondering if you could get me some clothes to wear."

"Sure. What do you need?"

"For now just my lounge pants and tank and some… panties," I mumbled out the last part as my face caught fire.

_What the fuck Alice, it's just panties!_ I scolded myself.

"Um… yeah, ok hang on." I looked up to see him disappear into the closet.

"My lingerie is in the duffle," I called out trying to be helpful. He returned shortly with a victorious grin and the clothes I needed.

He handed them to me gingerly, "There you go."

I smiled at him a little. "Thanks..." I looked at his face and realized he was avoiding my gaze. I would too, hell I had, if the reaction to my reflection was any indication. "For everything..." I added.

He eyes finally met mine as an emotion I don't remember seeing from him before flashed in them. "Anytime," he responded.

I bit my lip and nodded, stepping backwards before heading up the stairs. I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe this is what Jasper meant by I needed to move on. But would he really push me towards Edward?

----

That night I couldn't sleep. I was restless as fuck. I wasn't tired, so when I did sleep, my dreams weren't pleasant. I tried reading, but realized that the book was Jasper's. I tried listening to my iPod but most of the music on the thing was from Jasper's collection. Even my drawings weren't helping. While I loved that I could at least still draw him the way I saw him that night on the roof, although, they were always marred with images of other women being with him or him using again.

I had to keep reminding myself that while these stupid ghost drawings I do were pretty accurate most of the time; the future was not definite. One decision or one random act could change things drastically. If I remember correctly, this was called the ripple effect.

Which I am seriously fucking testing right now as I stood outside Edward's door, trying to talk myself into both knocking and walking away.

My heart told me to walk away. I didn't want comfort in the form of Edward. I wanted Jasper. I _needed_ Jasper. But my mind wasn't very team Jasper at the moment.

Taking a deep breath I knocked on his door. His room was silent, so quiet in fact, he was sleeping and didn't hear me knock.

I released the breath I was holding as I turned to head back to the guest room. Just as I made it halfway across the hall I heard Edward's door open and I turned to see him standing there in lounge pants, hanging low on his hips.

I'll admit it, I ogled him. He was built much like Jasper in the sense that although he looked small, he was actually rather cut. I slowly dragged my eyes up from his stomach, across his chest and to his face where he was looking at me with an eyebrow raised as he scratched at his head.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep and –," I shook my head. _God I'm such an idiot!_ "Sorry, I'll just go…" I said pointing to the door behind me.

"No, uh, don't go... what's up..." he asked giving me a small smile. "I wasn't sleeping... um hang on." He said holding a finger up before going back into his room. I walked to the doorway and peeked in, in time to see him turning off his TV.

_Why wouldn't he need the sound on?_

"Nothing, like I said couldn't sleep," I said laughing a little as I thought about the little bit of sleep I did get when Bella was here. "I think I got spoiled with Bella in the room."

He smirked at me. "Well, you could sleep with me... I promise. I'm harmless."

_Yeah, not a good idea when I know you masturbate most likely while thinking about me, _I thought as bit my lip.

"Could I hang out?" I asked. _Yes, I'm desperate and don't like being alone._

Edward opened his mouth to say something then quickly shut it while he smiled and nodded.

"'Kay..." I said stepping inside as he closed the door behind me. I looked around his room quickly, noticing that he liked things really fucking clean and organized. "Soo... what were you watching?" I asked tilting my head at him.

I saw him look at the now blank TV screen and blush. _Okay Alice do the math, watching TV without sound, the girl you like interrupts your show… you blush…_

I lifted my eyebrow at him. He was watching porn!

I started laughing slightly, "Probably better if you don't tell me."

He shrugged, "It's just porn. Almost every male in this country watches it. It's perfectly natural to..." he started rambling.

"Well Dr. Cullen," I said seriously while grinning at him. "Is it true guys can die from blue balls?"

He scratched his head. "No... It's just really painful."

I snickered at his response, "Now, is that your professional opinion as a doctor?" I asked pinching at his side a little making him move away from me, "or personal?"

"That's my professional opinion," he said smiling. "But in, my personal opinion is yes."

I grinned at him evilly when moved away. "Why you moving Eddie... are we ticklish?" I teased as I moved to pinch his side again.

"No," he said grabbing my hand in his, "that kind of hurts Alice."

I bit my lip when I realized he pulled me a little closer when our fingers twisted together. "Sorry, I was just seeing if you're ticklish." I explained.

"It's okay," he smirked slightly. "I am… just not there."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Ohh... don't tell me that." I said laughing. Bella had once said the same thing, that's how I found that one spot that makes her fall to her knees.

"What are you gonna do about it?" he challenged, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Well, see… it's a challenge now to find that spot on your body makes you giggle like a girl...." I explained.

He smirked, "My upper inner thigh, I doubt you'd ever go there."

_Oh… He so did not just challenge me, did he?_ I thought raising my eyebrow at him.

"You really don't know me that well then, do you?"

"Oh I think I know you pretty well," he said confidently.

I slowly shook my head at him, smiling wider. "I don't think you do…" I teased moving closer to him. He cocked his eyebrow up and stepped back towards the bed.

I smirked at his movements. "Are you afraid of little ol' me?" I asked innocently.

"You terrify me," he responded with a smirk of his own. _Who would have thought Ed liked to play?_

I laughed as I moved closer. "Do I now?"

"I am absolutely shaking in my pants."

As soon as he said it my eyes darted to the waist band following the trail of reddish hair dipped below into his pants. I bit my lip, quickly looking back up to his face. He smirked slightly and I knew I was busted.

"You do know that when I can make you giggle like a girl I'm so telling Em." I teased, trying to ignore the fact that my heart was jumping into my throat 'cause I wanted him to help me forget…

Ed glared at me playfully. "You do and I'll get you back," he warned.

I snorted at that. "Bring it."

"I bite," he warned as our dance of one step forward, two steps back continued.

I grinned, "So do I."

"I might like that too much Alice," he warned again as the back of his legs finally met the foot of his bed.

I smirked at him. "I'm sure you would Edward..." I moved a little closer as he let go of my hand. "Last chance to get me to stop... save yourself from eternal humiliation from Emmett..."

"I'm warning you little lady, I really do bite. Last chance."

"I like biting Edward," I told him as I reached for his leg. He fell back onto the bed just in time to avoid my touch.

"Oh that's just cheating!" I laughed as I crawled up on to the bed over him.

"I never said I didn't cheat," he laughed with me. This was new. I hadn't been in this situation before. But as I moved a little over Edward and actually tried to figure out what to do next, all reason flew out the window.

Just as I leaned my head down closer to his, he sat up a bit, his lips meeting mine. This kiss was strange; his lips were softer than Jasper's and less demanding. Instead of nibbles and bites, Edward was being loving and patient, letting me set the pace. He parted my lips with his as his hand moved to the back of my head.

He tasted like peppermint and coffee. Not the spearmint I was used too. But I think I could do this.

I shifted slightly, making Edward moan into the kiss. _Oh well hello there Eddie, _I giggled internally.

The kiss continued as all the bells and whistles in my head went off, telling me this was wrong. But I just couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it I was rolling my hips into his, his hands were roaming everywhere he could reach and our kiss was becoming more of what I was used to, urgent and demanding.

He rolled us so I was now under him, as he started to kiss my neck and shoulders. He was being good, too fucking good; keeping his touches over my clothing as he rubbed and weighed my breasts in his palm. I fisted my hand in his hair pulling him back to me so I could kiss him. I wasn't ready for him to leave marks on me.

Just as his tongue brushed against mine, he ground his cock into me making me gasp and pull away. His eyes were dark almost black with desire as he looked into my eyes.

I shook my head at him, "I'm sorry Ed. I can't… not yet." I felt the tears start to form in my eyes.

"Hey," he said softly catching a stray tear. "It's okay." I nodded slightly, pushing him off me, thankful that he let me up.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I got up off the bed. I didn't look back at him as I quickly left his room to return to mine.

_What in the hell is wrong with me? _

-----

The next day things seemed relatively normal. In the sense that Edward wasn't acting like I threw myself at him nor was he giving away the fact that we had been dry humping just hours prior to lunch.

I on the other hand, was jumpy. Every time Esme asked me about my plans for the week or if I was feeling better, I would either blush, giggle or clearly avoid looking at Edward.

All this because he'd managed to round second base; as Bella had called it earlier.

But did that mean I was fine? No. 'Cause every second that I wasn't consumed with these overwhelming fantasies, including the one where I found out just how big Eddie was – which I had to proudly point out to myself only happened when he was close to me – I was consumed with guilt.

Sure when I was with Edward, I was happy. At least in the sense that I didn't want to cry or go back to my routine of strategically cutting myself to ease the pain; he was my distraction. But even with a distraction, I was still hurting. Every time his hand brushed mine at the table or his knee bumped mine on the couch; the guilt would wash over me because not only was he Jasper's brother, but he was also my best friend's crush.

Not like she was helping me in this situation at all. No, she was encouraging it! Her reasoning behind the encouragement, he and I have unresolved sexual chemistry and getting it out of our system is a good thing and I can give her the deets on what he's like.

_Well, when she put it that way…_

So here we are in my room, again full-fledged making out. But this time I want more. _No scratch that._ I want to see if I can let myself have more.

Yes, I admit this is pretty conniving of me, using Edward the way that I was. Using him to make me forget the pain, to make me feel like there was someone that wanted me, but damn it, it was moments like this, when his hand started to slide under my shirt that I didn't care anymore. I was just feeling the contact.

Again he was far less dressed then I was. He was only in his black Calvin Klein's, where I was in my Hanes Her Way panties and matching top. What can I say? I only reserve sexy panties for one Cullen brother.

As if we were on the same wave length, his fingers started to slip under the waist band of my panties as I started to tug on the waist band of his boxer briefs. I was determined to at least make him cum.

Someone had other plans because the phone started ringing. Edward groaned before pulling away, breathless and scowling at the door.

"It might be your mom," I offered and he just nodded quickly going to the hall. I could hear him telling whoever it was that she wasn't home. He came back in and gave me a strained smile.

"Wasn't Esme?" I asked as he climbed back over me.

"No, it was for her." He explained before kissing me again.

-----

Friday, Emmett made it his mission to get me out of the Cullen house, claiming that I was far too pasty for his liking and that some good old natural vitamin D would do me some good. After whining for an hour, begging and pleading to the best of my abilities and eventually getting Anna and Amber to unleash their big eyes on their daddy for my cause, he finally agreed Bella could come with us.

We went to the water park and I had an absolute blast with Bella, Emmett and the girls. Bella and I even stopped to pose for pictures that Emmett wanted to print out for us. I wondered briefly why he would use his phone instead of the camera, but didn't say anything about.

Friday night Bella stayed over and was witness to the stupidity of me, when Esme gave me a cell phone. Edward was excited, pointing out that it was a camera phone with a built in mp3 player, so I'd always have my music.

I didn't understand why that was such an important thing since I had my iPod and never really left the Cullen house without it. Then Bella showed me exactly why it was important as she programmed my phone. She asked Edward to call it and as soon as he said it's ringing, the All American Rejects' song "Dirty little Secret" started to play.

I gaped at the audacity of Bella, while Edward smirked.

_Fuckers_, they are both so going to pay for this.

That night I also planned stage two of the 'get Bella laid by Freak Boy' plan. Carlisle and Esme left shortly after dinner to make it to Olympia in time for a conference that Esme was asked to speak at the next day, leaving the three of us alone.

Edward was currently watching something on TV. Don't ask me what the hell it was 'cause once I heard the 'You are watching Discovery Health' thing, I zoned out. Bella was braiding my hair as we sat in the corner quietly listening to the music on my iHome.

"Do you dance?" I asked her, trying to turn my head to look at her.

She tugged on my hair before pushing my head forward. "Sit still Mary Alice," she chided. _Seems Ms. Bella has a controlling side._

"Fine Isabella Marie," I teased back, earning another tug. "Ow! I was kidding. But seriously, do you dance?"

"Alice, you know I can't even walk without tripping on air," she sighed.

"True, but you can still dance. You don't really need to walk around to move, you know? You just sway your hips, drop your booty or grind either your ass or your pelvis into your partner." I explained.

"Right and who would my partner be?" She sighed and put her head on my shoulder.

I put my hand in her face and pushed her off. "Duh, I will be," I explained as I turned to face her. She raised her eyebrow at me skeptically. "What?"

"Well for starters, isn't it kind of rude to play booty shaking music while Edward is watching TV?"

"Yeah, but the thing is we'll distract him with our sexy moves. Remember I'm trying to hook you up!" I chirped.

"While you're trying to get impaled by him?"

I immediately looked down at my lap where the plastic braided bracelets Bella and I made earlier adorned our wrists.

I heard her sigh, before she lifted my head to look at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out as harsh as it seemed." I opened my mouth to tell her that she had every right to be mad at me but she covered my mouth with her hand. "And before you start the emo trip; you're not a horrible person Alice. Edward makes you happy. I want my best friend happy."

I licked her hand making her laugh and pull her hand away. "But even at the cost of you being heartbroken? Is it really worth that Bee?"

She thought about it for a moment then nodded. "Yeah, cause you had him first."

"Bella I never-"

"No Alice, listen. You had him first; even if you didn't realize it. I've seen the way he looks at you, even before you started fooling around. Just don't worry about it okay?"

I nodded slightly. That was easier said than done. Luckily though, a song came on that distracted me from my train of thought and brought me back to what I was trying to accomplish. I quickly jumped to my feet and pulled Bella up with me.

"Alice," she laughed shaking her head.

"It's easy Bee, just move your hips and drop when it says." I laughed putting my hands on her hips to help her find the rhythm. Before we knew it, she had not only the rhythm down but she was exaggerating her moves.

"Can't dance my ass," I teased. She turned to face me and smiled just as I noticed we had an audience. I smirked at him. _I hope you're enjoying the show, Edward_.

----

I had a carefully pieced together my relationship with Edward. While I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him, I was comfortable doing other things with him. Of course, after giving Bella the details on just how talented he was with his fingers and tongue, I had to give her a lesson in satisfying her needs.

Can I just say that watching Edward watch me get Bella off was all kinds of hot? Because it was, but it made me miss Jasper that much more.

Edward and I had started to do things together besides the activities we did in his bed. We even tried to go see the new Johnny Depp film. He was excited to see how they portrayed one of the infamous mobsters from his home town, while I was just anxious to see Johnny Depp. Let's face it, when it comes to Johnny Depp, he's _everyone's_ type.

But we made it to the theater too early and wound up making out pretty heavily in his car, missing the movie. Yeah, that made for awkward conversation later at the house. But we managed to avoid coming out and saying what he and I were really doing.

Just when I had started to give up hope on Jasper everything started to crumble. That night when I was fogging up the Volvo windows with Edward, Jasper actually called the house. I was so upset that I missed the call when he actually asked for me that I spent the night locked up in my room crying.

I had been accepted to Seattle Prep and no matter how excited I was it felt wrong not being able to celebrate with Jasper. After all, he was the one that said from day one I would get in.

The day my world went upside down, I already knew something was off. That morning I had drawn several pictures, one of Jasper and Edward fighting, one of Edward and Bella looking completely and utterly happy and one of me and Jasper at some dance. I understood the first two, even if Edward looked at me like I was insane after he saw the one of him and Bella, but it was the one of me and Jasper that made me wonder.

We looked happy, like I remembered us being before rehab. Instead of dwelling on it I merely crumbled it up and tossed it towards my duffle bag. If anything it was wishful thinking. Why would he want me now, especially after all that I've done?

And that kind of thinking is what led me to Edward. I needed to forget the crushing feeling in my heart and Edward was always there to make it numb. But it wasn't until we were closer than ever to fucking that I panicked and freaked out on him. Of course Edward being the patient person he always was just held me as I cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up from the emotional nap, I headed downstairs to get something to eat. I could hear Edward on the phone but I didn't pay attention to what he was saying until he said the words that confirmed my worst fears.

"Um, Jazz. I know you broke up with Alice, and well, we're dating now. So I just wanted you to know. She's mine now."

I felt like the air was sucked out of my lungs as I heard the phone being placed back in the cradle. Did he really just say that to Jasper? Since when were we dating? _Wait, he called me his?_

I quickly ran down the remaining stairs. Edward looked up at me in surprise as I made my way down to him.

"Was that Jasper?" He gave me a nod, "Why did you tell him that Edward?!"

"Cause we are Alice..."

"No," I said shaking my head. "Edward no, you're my friend. You know that. You know I love him, why did you tell him I'm yours?!"

"What the fuck was all that we did then?"

"That was me being a fucking idiot thinking you understood!" I thought he knew I was still in love with Jasper. I knew I shouldn't have done this. "It was a mistake!" My eyes widened at him as soon as I said it. I could see the hurt and anger flash across his face.

"Glad it meant absolutely nothing to you. I forgot, you don't care about things that mean a lot to me," he said through clenched teeth as he glared at me.

"Damn it Edward that's not what I meant!" I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, how did things get this way?

_Because you gave him head knowing you couldn't give him more._

_Because you're a selfish whore,_ I could hear the voice of my step-father saying those words to me.

"I just don't get it. You know I love him..."

"Why him?" he asked throwing his hands up in the air.

"Excuse me?"

"Why? Why do you love him?"

Because he was the first person to treat me like a person and not some punching bag or some whore. Because he understands what it's like to live in a world of darkness for so long that it's all you know. Because I'm nothing without him…

But I couldn't say that to Edward, no matter how badly I wanted too, I just couldn't.

"You know what? Whatever," Edward said breaking the silence as he pulled out his wallet. I watched him pull out two one-hundred dollar bills before slapping them into my hand. "For services rendered," he seethed before running up to his room and quickly slamming the door.

I ran up the stairs after him. "You know what Edward?" I yelled through the door. "You can take your money and shove it up your pretentious ass! No matter what I say about your brother you'll just look at me in pity because I fell in love with the addict. No matter what I say to you to defend your brother, he's always going to be the person you're embarrassed about! Go fuck yourself asshole!" I threw the crumpled money at the door before running to my room and slamming the door behind me.

I threw myself down on the bed and screamed as loud as I could into my pillow just as the door opened.

"Oh no, I was never embarrassed about my brother. You think I pitied you when I did what I did? I fucking pity a lot of people Alice and I can tell you something, I can keep my dick in my pants. You're the only one shoving things up your ass sweetheart." He spat before slamming the door shut.

_Just kill me now, please God_.

The next day Edward was nowhere to be found for me to apologize to him. He deserved one, I didn't. I was a slut and proved it with every action I did with him. Bella eventually called me, only to hang up on me. It was official; I had lost everyone I cared the most about.

So needless to say I didn't leave my room all day Saturday.

Saturday night, I opened my door in time to see Edward leaving his room. His eyes locked with mine for a moment and he looked like he was feeling every ounce of pain I felt. I went to tell him how sorry I was, but the anger quickly replaced any other emotion he had as he tightly closed his door and jogged down the stairs.

I slowly followed, hearing him call out to Esme that he had a date and would be back late. I waited until I heard the sound of his tires hit the gravel in the drive before making my way to Esme's office. She was sitting behind her drafting table with several pencils in her hair holding it up, as she compared different color swatches.

I knocked on the open door, so she knew that I was there and I wasn't surprising her.

"Come in," she called as she removed one of the pencils and wrote something down.

"I'm very sorry to interrupt you Esme, but I was wondering if we could talk?"

She smiled at me, "Sure honey."

_God, how was I gonna do this to her?_ I wondered as I tried to gather my thoughts. "I just wanted to thank you for still agreeing to put up with me even though I'm not with Jasper anymore." I started to chew on my lip hoping it would keep me from crying.

"Oh it's not a problem honey. I adore you." Again she smiled at me and that genuine smile was my undoing. I needed to do this. I had caused enough trouble for this family.

I looked down as the tears fell down my cheeks. "And I adore you too, but I think it will be best for every one if I go back to California…" I trailed off before my voice could break.

"What?" she asked stunned.

"I don't want to be a burden to anyone anymore." I explained shrugging. "So maybe it's just better for me to go back home, I mean I only have to stay there until I'm eighteen..." _providing I can survive it that long._

"But we have you all set up in school and everything here Alice..."

"I know and like I said I appreciate it, but when Jasper gets out of rehab I don't want to be the reason he doesn't come over anymore. You guys are a great family and you don't need me breaking it up... I'm sorry Esme..."

"Alice, please think about it. I don't want you to go back to that horrible family." She pleaded. I nodded; even though I knew I was gonna go back. There was no way I could stay here, not after everything I had put Edward through and inadvertently put Jasper through. I turned to head out the door just as I heard her start to cry.

_I don't deserve the tears Esme…_

----

I called Bella again, I told her everything. How I met Jasper, who I was before Jasper, everything about me. She sat there in stunned silence, letting me confess every sin I did.

"Why are you telling me this Alice?" She finally asked.

"Because I'm leaving and you deserve to know the truth about me before you call me a friend. That is, if I'm still a friend."

"Of course you're my friend Alice, but I don't understand. Why would it matter what you did in the past? You're not that person anymore."

"That's the thing Bella, I am. Instead of hurting people physically, I hurt them emotionally and those wounds will never heal."

"Alice what are you saying?"

"If you ever meet Jazzy, you'll see why I loved him so much and I know you'll be great friends with him. Just please know that I love you and I never meant to hurt you or Edward or Jazzy. Okay?"

"Shit," she muttered into the phone and pressed it against something as I heard her talk to someone. "Alice," she said into the phone. "Listen to me, you're not going anywhere. You're gonna be fine. I have to go but I will be calling you tomorrow. Got it?"

"Yeah Bee, I got it."

She said her goodbyes and we hung up. I could hear Emmett talking all the way up here. I'm guessing he was coming to get the girls. He came over earlier asking Esme to watch them while he went on an errand.

I decided I should probably say goodbye to Emmett, so I headed down the stairs. I smiled a little when I saw Emmett lifting his two youngest as they hung from his arms.

"Ali!" I heard Amber squeal alerting everyone to my presence. I smiled and sat on the bottom step, preparing myself for the oncoming tackle. Sure enough little Amber came full speed ahead. "I didn't think you were here. Nana said you weren't feeling good. Are you okay?" She asked putting her hand on my forehead.

I laughed, taking her hand off my head. "Yeah Amber, I'm fine. Just a little sad," I explained. I could see Emmett exchanging glances with Esme.

"You know what Mommy and I do to cheer up?" Amber asked me. I smiled at her and shook my head. "Shopping!" she squealed clapping her hands and dancing a little. Emmett groaned.

"No, Alice doesn't need to go shopping Lil' Bit. Why don't you go help your sister's and grandma with those cookies?" Emmett suggested. Amber looked at me then to her sisters.

"Okay," she shrugged and went to take Esme's hand as they walked towards the kitchen.

I rested my elbows on my knees and held my head up with my hands, watching them leave. When I couldn't see or hear them anymore, I looked up at Emmett. "Do you hate me too?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why on earth would I hate you?"

"'Cause I'm a horrible person?"

He rolled his eyes. "I don't think you're a horrible person."

_Really, did you not pay attention to me when I told you about leading Edward into thinking we were a couple?_ I thought as I raised an eyebrow at him, "Even though I played with one brother's emotions to dull the pain of losing the other?" I countered.

He shrugged, "You're human." Even though he said he didn't hate me I could tell he wasn't happy. Normally by now he had cracked a smile or called me a name that pointed out our obvious height difference.

I adverted my eyes and looked at the ground. "I'm leaving Em..." I said softly.

"Why?" he asked clearly outraged.

I jumped a little at the tone in his voice. He had never been angry around me before and quite frankly it scared the shit out of me. "Because I hurt everyone... I don't deserve to be here. And I don't want to be the reason Esme can't see Jasper once he's out of rehab."

"You know, Jasper's not an avoidance type of person, I think he'd rather be in your face."

"He thinks I'm with Ed now, he didn't want me and now he really won't want me."

"I went to see him today," he informed me.

I hid my face in my legs as I started crying. What I wouldn't give just to see Jasper one last time. Just to tell him how sorry I was. "Is he okay?" I asked.

"He broke a phone booth, ripped the phone out of the wall."

My head snapped up to look at Emmett. The only time Jasper reacts like that is when he's angry that was usually on top of being spun out. If he's in rehab there was no way he was spun out so something set him off. "Why would he do that?" I asked.

"Um... well..." I watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, he handed it to me.

I took it and looked at the front. The return address was the pre-printed address of the clinic but scrawled in the center was my name. I traced my fingers along the lettering. "That's his hand writing..." I said mainly to myself before looking up at Emmett. "I don't understand."

He sighed, "Read it. He said it explains a lot of things," he said while shrugging.

I looked back at the envelope and nodded. "Thank you Emmett."

"You're welcome... You gonna read it?"

Again I nodded, "I will. I promise."

"Before you do anything stupid, rash, or fucking leave?" He asked making me look up at him. He looked torn between his loyalties to his brother and the friendship we had formed. But above all the protectiveness for Jasper won.

When you consider his size, his protectiveness and his irritability, he's a lot like a grizzly bear. I nodded, smiling a little as I wondered if he had been a grizzly bear in a former life.

"Yes," I promised.

"'Kay..." he said before walking to the kitchen.

_Do I read it now or in the morning?_

I opted to read it in the morning, well in the afternoon really. I wound up going to bed early, after I packed my things, only to wake up every few hours because of one fucked up nightmare after the next.

After showering and dressing in jeans, a cute top and my colorful sneakers, I decided it was time to read Jasper's letter. A part of me was absolutely scared shitless as to what it might say, but another part of me needed know what his thoughts were.

I carefully opened the envelope and pulled the paper out. I studied it first, noticing he had drawn on it. Drops… Were they tears? Or the rain? I examined them closer and I was still unable to figure them out but whatever they were, they puddled at the bottom of the page. I did notice that some of the words were smeared, as if he had cried while writing it.

I took a shaky breath before I started to read the letter, bracing myself.

"_Dear Alice, _

_I know you probably never want to hear from me again, I would understand. I never told you I was a good person because I'm not. I wish you could save me, but I don't even think you could save me from myself. But I wanted to let you know how much I loved you. _

_If I were a vampire, I'd turn you into one too so you could stay with me forever; we'd live at night and never worry about anything. We'd make love until we were hungry and then feed on bad people. Get rid of the murderers, rapists and deadbeat fathers of the world. I'd make you really happy and we'd be together forever. _

_If my life was simple and my mother never left, if my father wasn't an alcoholic and your step-dad wasn't worthless, I'd imagine we'd meet up at a five and dime, I'd charm the pants off of you and you'd be my girl. I'd ask you to marry me and you'd have babies with me. _

_Instead, I was beaten and broken by my father, raised in group homes and when I peeped in on Maria when I was twelve and curious, I was brought in to her sick and twisted little games. I met you at McDonalds where you were gonna blow me in return for giving you some free food. That mouth of yours is priceless and you were offering it for about fifteen dollars worth of food. And at the time I didn't find anything wrong with that. But now I do, because you deserve better. You always deserved better. _

_If I could, I would give you everything you want. I'd marry you, be a successful ball player and give you whatever you want. Anything. _

_I always felt sort of empty before you and now, without you, I am sort of empty again. I wish more than anything I was worthy of you and of your presence because some fucked up part of me believes in fate and believes we were meant to be together. I didn't lie when I said I felt at home between your thighs… the same is true just being in your embrace. _

_I love you Mary Alice… more than you'll ever know._

_Jasper"_

I must have read through his letter several times, each time more tears flowed. I laughed at his vampire comment, picturing a crazy Jasper with red eyes like I'd read in some silly romance novel. And giggled at the image of him with his hair all trimmed, wearing the pale yellow shirt I saw in his closet as he kissed my hand and swept me off my feet.

Everything he mentioned in the letter, I saw it. I saw us together happy and in love. Whether it was having little blond haired boys that all looked like their daddy, me standing in the stands cheering him on as he hit another homerun, or him and I making love during the day and only coming out at night to feed; either way I wanted it all.

I quickly ran into Jasper's room, grabbed the keys to his Bronco off the dresser and ran out the door. I was going to the only home I knew and I'll be damned if they tell me no.

When I reached the clinic the visitor's lot was empty. _Of course it is dipshit, visiting hours are over at five and it's nearly six._

As I walked into the lobby three nurses looked up at me. I recognized one of them from the last time I was here. Something about the smug smile on her face made me want to punch her.

"Can I help you?" The male nurse asked.

"Yeah, I'm here to see Jasper Cullen."

"Visiting hours are over and besides children aren't allowed in without adults," the smug bitch said disdainfully.

I felt my eyebrow rise at her, "Was I talking to you?" I asked pointedly.

The blonde bitch was about to say something before the shorter girl interjected. "Nettie, why don't you go help out in the Rec Room, I'll help Demi with Mr. Cullen's visitor."

I couldn't explain why I wanted to hit her so much. Something about Nettie pissed me off beyond belief, but I felt relieved when I saw her turn to leave.

"Miss... Like Nettie said, visiting hours are over." Demi, the male nurse reiterated. "Can I ask what your relation is to him?"

"Well… up until two weeks ago I was his girlfriend." That bit of information made the two nurses look at each other before the small brunette said she'd be right back.

I rested against the reception counter, laying my cheek in my hand as I played idly with Jasper's keys. It's funny 'cause until I got his letter, my intention was to drive myself to the bus stop where I would send a message to both Ed and Bella asking them to come get his truck and leave everything behind me.

But now things were different. He gave Emmett that letter two days _after_ he spoke to Edward. Did he write it then too? Does he still want me?

I heard someone gasp and I spun to see Jasper's wide eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages and yet like he'd just woken up from a nightmare. I couldn't help but smile at him as he watched me move closer.

"Hey," he said giving me a half wave.

I grinned and started walking faster towards him. "Hi," I said slightly breathless.

I saw his Adam's apple bob in his throat before he asked, "What are you doin' here?"

I stopped in front of him. "I got your letter... I had to see you," _at least one more time_, I added internally.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down avoiding my gaze. "Did Edward bring you?"

"No," I held out my hand to show him his keys. "I drove myself." He nodded a little. This wasn't going at all like I had hoped. I sighed, before looking down. "Listen, Jasper if you don't want me here I'll leave... I just... I had to see you."

"You read it?" he asked, bringing my attention back to his face. He was studying me now.

"I did," I said while nodding. Several times in fact. I probably had the thing memorized by now. I could even tell you which tear stain was mine or his.

"And you think I don't want you here?" He asked incredulously.

"I wouldn't be surprised is all," I answered while shrugging.

"Why?"

I looked up to meet his eyes. "'Cause I've hurt you."

He shook his head at me. "No, I hurt you... come on let's walk."He suggested as he strode towards the front doors. I quickly caught up to him, walking beside him, close enough to touch him but I couldn't. I didn't want to be rejected.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Alice, I wasn't in... I'm still not really in a good frame of mind." He said breaking the silence.

I looked up at him. "Can I ask what made you do it? I mean, you seemed fine when we talked and stuff..." I said shrugging. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked softly.

He stopped in front of a bench and turned to face me. "No baby," he said, taking my hand before he sat down and looked up at me. I moved closer to him so I was standing between his legs."Just… I told everyone about you and this bitch went all fucked in the head and reported me and I got psych evaluated and she was asking me why I was doing to you what Maria did to me… and –," he stopped to rub his face with his free hand.

I cocked an eyebrow at him, "Who?"

"Nettie," he said.

_No…_

"And you believed her? Even though you knew damn well that what you and I had was nothing like that?"

"I dunno baby, I was just… I've been thinking anyway, I ain't good enough for you." He brought my hand up to his lips, kissing it before bringing it back down and holding it in both his hands."And I mean, I dunno," he sighed leaning his head back onto the back of the bench.

"What aren't you telling me Jazzy?"

"And I know I'm not good enough because the day that I broke up with you Nettie gave me a blow job."

_And I've given several to your brother… who's not good enough for whom now?_

_Wait… Nettie… fuck it was her!_

"The nurse... is that Nettie?"

"Yeah, that's the bitch."

_Now I knew why I wanted to hit her_, I smirked despite myself. She knew exactly who I was and why was here. I leaned down to kiss him briefly to show him I wasn't mad at him. But I needed to do something about Nettie. "Just remember I love you 'Kay?" I asked while tugging on his hand to stand up, but he wouldn't budge.

"Alice, that isn't it…" He said raising his eyebrow at me. _Shit, please don't ask about Edward_, I prayed.

"What then, Jasper?"

"She fucked me too."

That set off a fire inside me. How dare she?! She's paid to help him, how is fucking him and giving him head and fucking with his stay here helping him?! I felt my jaw lock tight as the anger coursed through me. "While we were together?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"No," he said shaking his head slightly. "Last week."

"Why did they give you a psych eval?" I had a feeling it wasn't a good reason. "I mean, what did she report you as?"

"A pedophile," he said softly.

"And you believed her?"

"No I never believed I was a pedophile," he said.

_But you believe that you're fucking with me like Maria does you? _I thought while nodding. I thought things over for a minute, digesting what he told me.

I can't believe I went through two weeks of limbo, no strike that, it was worse than limbo, it was fucking purgatory; all because of some stupid little bitch spouting poison about me to Jasper? Even now as he tried not to look at me, all I could see was red. Who the fuck did this cow think she is? She doesn't know shit about what Jasper and I have. Most importantly she doesn't know shit about me.

_She's gonna fucking pay for this shit_.

I took Jasper's hand and started leading him to the lobby, praying that Nettie was there. I could hear him trying to get me to stop, but he wasn't forcefully stopping me either.

_Good choice_.

There she was, chatting it up and flirting with a patient like this was some club to pick up the next dick to ride.

"Can I have a word with you Nettie?" I asked sweetly. Fuck, even I was impressed with how calm I sounded.

She turned around, noticing Jasper first. I could tell she was giving him what she thought was an alluring look but if anything, she looked like she was dropped out the ugly tree and she hit every damn branch on the way down.

I watched as her face dropped when Jasper called me baby. It's funny how right now, even he, with his six foot three frame and one hundred and seventy pounds of force, couldn't stop me from what I wanted to do.

Nettie set her jaw and raised an eyebrow at me, obviously not going to talk.

_Ever heard of waxing bitch?_ I sneered in my head as I pulled my hand back to slap her across the face.

I slapped her with everything I had in me. With that one slap, I was making her pay for every night I cried because I thought I wasn't good enough, for fucking up the bond between brothers and most of all, for fucking with Jasper's head. This was not what he needed while he was in here getting help. He didn't need someone who was no better than Maria, filling his head with bitter things. That's the kind of shit that made him turn to Meth in times of stress.

I laughed when the bitch hit the floor, gaping back up at me in shock. _Bet you didn't expect that huh?_

"You come anywhere near _my_ man again and I will make your life even more miserable than it is about to become. Consider this your last and only fucking warning _Nettie_." I snarled at her. She blinked in response.

Satisfied with the lack of response from the cunt on the floor, I turned to Jasper who was staring at me wide eyed in shock.

I grabbed his shirt in my hands, pulling him down to me as I smiled at him. "I love you Jasper," I purred in satisfaction as I saw the lazy smile come to his lips. _That was my fucking smile_. I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing my lips to his.

Oh sweet Jesus, it's been two very long weeks since I felt the tingles and now that I had them again I didn't want to stop. I nipped at his bottom lip and giggled when he pulled me closer to him as he groaned and deepened the kiss.

As much as I was enjoying every minute of tasting him and feeling how much he wanted me, I knew he wasn't big on shows, so I pulled away slightly. He smiled down at me and I saw that his eyes were bright green. He glanced over at the nurse that brought him out. She nodded with a wink as he took my hand and lead me up the stairs. He pulled me into a room and closed the door quickly.

I tried to look around the room and only caught a glimpse of one of the pictures from my birthday party before I was pushed against the door.

I giggled and ran my hands under his shirt. _Oh fucking hell, he's been working out. _"Did you miss me Jazzy?" I asked more in a moan than anything because he started to suck on my neck.

"Yes," he said as he kissed and nipped his way back to my lips. "I missed you; you have no idea how much." He said before roughly taking my lips and his tongue claimed mine. I pulled my hands out from under his shirt and wove my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to me.

He grabbed my ass roughly pulling me closer. _On all of the days to wear jeans I chose today. Idiot, _I mentally scolded myself when I realized where this was heading.

He broke from our kiss, leaving me breathless and wondering what he was thinking as I watched him back up some. A tiny piece of me started to panic, maybe he didn't want me. But as he moved towards the dresser that part was silenced as he started pushing the dresser towards me.

"Jazzy?" I asked curious as to what he was doing.

"No lock," he explained.

_But why would he need a lock?_ I wondered as I watched him push the large object in front of the door. _Oh duh!_ I mentally slapped myself in the forehead. He was obviously thinking the same thing I was.

I quickly looked at my outfit and decided I would make things easier on him. Ever heard the saying 'off like a prom dress in the night'? Yeah, I was down to my panties and bra faster than you could imagine.

Just as I lay back on his bed, making sure to look somewhat sexy and not too eager; he turned to face me. He bit into his lip as he looked me over.

"You look hot, just so you know." He complimented as he walked towards the bed. I sat up on my knees at the edge of the bed, reaching for him as he got closer.

"You're pretty hot there too _big_ boy," I responded as I started to rub against his cock through his sweat pants. He bit into his lip again, keeping eye contact with me. I smirked at him and tugged on the draw string of his pants, loosening them and letting them pool around his feet. I scowled slightly when I saw he was going commando, given the information he gave me earlier.

I kissed the head of his cock, earning a slight moan from him, before looking up at him through my lashes. "Jazzy?" I purred out before licking the head.

"Hmmm," he moaned out.

I smiled up at him as I licked along his length. "As much as I love that you're ready for me..." I trailed off as I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock. "Promise me you'll wear boxers from now on." '_Cause this is mine, _I added in thought.

"Okay, I will," he said softly as I wrapped my lips around him and started to suck greedily. Normally I would want a stronger response then that, but who was I kidding. I wanted to mark what was mine.

I looked up to see him loll his head back and give in as I worked my magic, bobbing my head along his length as my hand worked what I couldn't get with my mouth. I hummed when his hand went in my hair, tugging it but not forcing me to do more than I wanted.

I forgot how much it gets me off to hear him appreciate what I was doing. I slid my left hand down the front of my panties just as I relaxed my throat to take him deeper, fingering myself in the same rhythm as I was working him.

"Fuck, kitten…" he moaned out. I looked up at him to see him watching me. I hummed and started working faster as his hips jerked towards me. "Baby… kitten… stop... stop." he panted out.

I slowly pulled away, pouting slightly that I didn't make him happy, but he smirked at me and I knew something was up. He told me to lay back and removed my hand, so I could do as I was told, watching as he positioned himself between my legs and removed his shirt. He lifted my left leg and trailed a fire of wet kisses from my inner knee to my upper thigh, then moved to do the same on the other leg.

I bit my lip and watched as he moved closer to where I desired him most. He smirked as he moved his mouth over the black lace he'd bought me. I could feel my insides knot as his breath washed over my core. I felt his tongue lick the fabric in a slow and long lick, making me writhe beneath him. His hands went to the waistband and pulled the panties down in a fluid motion that was too quick for me to register.

Jasper positioned me how he wanted me, one leg over his shoulder while he wrapped his arm around my other leg locking it in place. Again, the long torturous lick was unleashed against me and all I could do is moan. Moaning was what he wanted, because with that he did it again, but this time with more pressure and slower.

"Jasper…" I whined, trying to wiggle my way closer to his face but he held me still.

He smirked at me. "Kitten, I want to enjoy you as much as you're gonna enjoy this. Be patient," he chided, before licking me from bottom up. I moaned loudly as my hands found his hair, twisting my fingers into the soft curls and pulling him closer to me. I felt him take my clit between his lips and start to suck on it.

I tried to grind my pussy on his face but I still couldn't move. He started alternating between licking at the sensitive bundle and sucking on it, driving me crazy as I my grip on his hair tightened.

"Oh fuck Jazzy…" I whined just as he nibbled on my clit, my hips bucking up. He moved so that both my legs were draped over his shoulders as his tongue fucked me and his nose worked my clit. I could feel my legs start to tremble as his tongue worked its magic, swirling and thrusting inside of me.

He stopped momentarily before attaching his mouth my clit, sucking it between his lips as the tip of his tongue danced across it. Then he did something new. I could feel him rubbing the one spot he never touched before. And as weird as it sounds, it felt really fucking good. He sucked harder on my clit as he applied more pressure to the new spot, making the coil inside burst from within as I came hard on his tongue.

As my body shook from my orgasm, Jasper continued to kiss and lick my pussy, not as powerfully as before but enough to increase my pleasure as the climax subsided. I finally let go of his hair, my hands making a thumping noise against the mattress.

He pulled himself up my body, a lazy smile across his lips making my lips turn to match his. How could I ever think for one second that I needed someone else, when clearly, he was everything my heart, soul and body craved.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling myself up so he could undo my bra. I lay back down and watched as he kissed every inch of skin that had been hidden beneath the lace, as well as a few other bits here and there, before returning my hold on him. Once my bare chest was pressed against his, I nipped at his bottom lip earning a chuckle and kiss in return.

We lay like that for a moment; every 'sorry', 'forgive me' and 'I love you' being said silently through our eyes as we stared at each other. Then with a little shifting of my hips, I felt the tip of his cock at my entrance.

I smirked up at him and wiggled again, a low growl vibrating through his chest. I slid my fingers into the hair at the back of his head before tugging on it slightly.

"Fuck me Jasper Cullen," I demanded.

He kissed me roughly, his tongue parting our lips as he claimed me as his, sheathing himself fully inside me. I rocked my hips against his as our pace began to speed up. I fell back against the bed, stretching my arms above my head to press my hands against the wall as he sat up on his knees, holding my hips as he drove in deeper.

Soon the only sounds in the room were our heavy breathing and the sound of our bodies meeting together as we continued our dance. He lowered himself and rested one of his forearms against the bed, lifting my leg higher on his side as our slick bodies worked together. Our lips locked as we panted in unison.

I started kissing my way down from his lips, to his jaw and neck, staying in the crook as each roll of our hips brought us closer to release. He slid his hand between us, using his finger to trace circles around my clit. Soon it all became too much as the blinding lights of my orgasm kicked in.

I held on to him tighter as wave after wave of pleasure shot through me, amplified by his own release. His movements stilled, but his breathing was still rapid as he held me to him. I kissed his shoulder before looking up into his eyes. They looked happy again as they stared back at me in a brilliant light. I gently traced my finger tips on the cheek bone under his eye, before smiling at him.

"I love you Jazzy," I said as I brushed the sweaty hair off his forehead. He moved us so we were lying on our sides facing each other, him still inside of me.

"I love you Mary Alice," he said before giving me a gentle kiss.

* * *

**A/N: Okay so we have a formal announcement to make. As you can see we ****didn't**** leave you with a cliffie (Trust me K was tempted :P ) but we do have some sad news. Real Life is bombarding us big time and we need to take a break to kick it's ass back into gear. What does this mean for you? Simply that updates are going to slow down a bit. We always promised that if we needed to adjust the update schedule we would let you know. So here we are letting you know that we will update as soon as humanly possible. **

**So you know that we aren't screwing with you, K is in the process of writing an outtake to go with this chapter. As soon as it is done it will be posted. The next chapter of **_**The Reborn**_** will be posted on Friday as usual. But our schedule will be changed after that. We will be on our blog (http://alsper(dot)blogspot(dot)com) to update ya'll regularly with how the progress and such is going, so you are ****NEVER**** out of the loop.**

**Thank you again for your love and support of this story as well as our other ones. **

**You know the drill… let us know how you felt about Ed/Bella/Alice or the reunion… **


	19. Almost

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, we just play with the characters.**

**A/N: Robs:** Alright here is JPOV once again. Yeah a few things in here may be kind of unrealistic, but try to remember, this is a work of fiction and I am not getting paid for this. That being said, I do hope you enjoy it.

**K:** What she said and thanks for you patience with us. :)

**Special thanks you our fuckawesome beta Amber; we love you hard chick.**

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"_We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves" – Joshua Loth Liebman _

**Almost.**

I held my Alice in my arms and for the first time in weeks felt blissfully whole again. I missed her more than I even knew. What brought her here, what made her talk to me, I don't know and frankly, right now I don't care. I won't lie, seeing her take care of Nettie like that was a huge turn on for me, apparently in the two weeks we had been separated my girl learned to kick ass and defend what she believes in. In a bigger way than she had before.

I kissed her, tasted her and fucked her in this very room, on this very bed. Maybe I can convince them to not change the sheets so I can just smell her for the next month. I considered it for a minute, that's actually pretty gross, the compulsive neat freak in me wigged out a bit at the thought. I pulled the cheap cotton blanket up over us, sheltering our naked, sweaty bodies from the chill of the air conditioning units as I began humming 'You are my sunshine' to her and snuggling up around her.

_I wonder how long till the nurses force my girl out of here?_

I buried my face in her hair and breathed in her scent; Oh God how I had missed her scent and I was so glad that Edward hadn't tainted it by making her smell like strawberries and freesia or some shit. "You have no idea how much I missed you kitten." I placed a kiss on her forehead. "None. And I am an idiot for saying what I said. I'm sorry, I love you." _Forgive me? _I added in my head.

"I love you too Jasper, but it doesn't mean things weren't done that can't be fixed." She chewed her lip avoiding my gaze.

"What do you mean baby?"

"I did some things that are gonna make things hard for us and Edward hates me…" She whined a little as my eyebrows knitted together.

"Um, when I talked to him a couple of days ago... he sounded fine… what happened baby?"

She sighed heavily, "Well without going into graphic detail, I sort of used him as a distraction. Which kinda made him think I felt the way he felt and when I confronted him about it, we got into a fight and now he's not talking to me."

I gave her a small smile. "I think he probably knew kitten, but he thought you were dating so I figure yeah you probably did lead him on a bit." I couldn't believe she had actually gotten a guy that almost every girl wanted, but she was choosing me instead. I bit back the grin that was threatening to escape. "He'll get over it." I told her, leaning forward to kiss her.

"But that's the thing babe; I didn't want to hurt him. But it was like the more he and I were alone, the more we started fooling around. And now that we have that history, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't trust me." She chewed her cheek.

"Why would I not trust you?"

"I kissed him Jazz…" She said softly before looking away.

"Oh." I looked up at the ceiling. "Well then." _I guess it really was just me she couldn't force herself to kiss. _

"I'm sorry Jasper. I was just trying to move on and it felt completely wrong. But I thought I lost you." She pleaded with me and shrugged. "So see, you're not the bad person in this, I am."

_Wait, what?_ I looked over at her to see she looked completely serious. "No you aren't. I mean what type of fucked logic is that? I told you to move on; honestly I dunno what I am so fucking hurt over."

"Yes I am and I understand why you're hurt. Christ will you please stop acting like everything is your fault? Seriously, if we're gonna work the second time around you and I both need to make some serious changes."

It was cute seeing her trying to be diplomatic about things I couldn't help but give her a half smile as I said, "And what changes are those?"

"You," she poked my chest gently, her nail scratching lightly at the skin. "Need to stop making yourself out to be the bad guy and fucking talk to me rather than let the shit in your head get to you," she gave me a rather pointed look. "And I have to grow up."

"You are growin' baby, I swear you grew an inch since the last time I saw you." I teased her, biting back a grin.

She looked up at me with her eyes narrowed, "asshole." She laughed.

"Sorry I had to," I kissed her nose. "But okay, I'll talk to you next time," I smiled at her. "I promise."

She smiled back. "And I promise to make you talk to me instead of running away," I felt her fingertips running lightly through the front of my hair as she brushed it out of my face. "I love you Jasper, please don't ever think I don't."

"I love you too Mary Alice." I leaned forward and kissed her. Not an urgent kiss, one of love. And even though it wasn't demanding it was still passionate and hot. How I missed kissing my Alice. I moved myself between her legs and rubbed against her slowly, she mewled and I tried my best not to fuck her brains out again, I knew once a night was probably good for people not addicted to sex, but damn I wanted to feel her cum around my cock again.

I broke away from the kiss and moved my lips to the spot behind her ear that used to always have my mark, "I wanna fuck you again kitten." I whispered in her ear, she shivered a little under me, moaning out a small 'yes'.

_Fuck, yes! _I began sucking on the spot behind her ear and moved myself into position, my tip pressing against her wetness and began sliding in easily.

'_I kissed a girl and I liked it', _my head snapped towards the pile of clothes on the floor as Alice made a small squeak and moved out from under me to fish her jeans up, pulling a small purple cell phone out of the pocket. "Really bad timing Bee…" She growled into the phone, I could hear a female voice, sounding worried, upset and talking quickly. "Bee... Bella! No I'm fine I'll be back at the house don't worry…" She groaned loudly, "I'm with Jasper…" She smiled a little as I heard the female voice chirping away on the other line. I kissed her shoulder. I love it when my girl smiles. "I think so yeah…" She bit back a grin; I kissed up her shoulder to the crook of her neck, making her giggle a little. "I'll call you later." She chirped and then snapped the phone shut.

She looked at me and tossed her phone back onto the pile. "Sorry, that was Bella... she says hi," she giggled out. I smirked at her and pulled her to me.

"Really?" I began planting kisses along her neck. "Did she now?"

"Mmmhmmm.... Hey Jasper?"

I stopped kissing her then, running my hands up and down her body gently. "Yeah?"

"What happens after I leave? I mean, are we still not together or…" she trailed off, her big blue eyes searching mine for something. I wanted to be with her, but only if she wanted to be with me.

"I still love you."

That made her smile, "I still love you too but that doesn't answer my question Jasper."

I ran my fingers up her side, lightly tracing the side of her breast and making her shiver a little. "I'll be whatever you want me to be."

"Mine?" She asked as she wiggled closer to me.

"As long as you're mine too." I countered as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Always." She pressed her lips to mine and my eyes shut a little, kissing her was almost as natural as breathing. It seemed to heal my heart. I could kiss her forever. She pulled away and smiled gently at me as I rubbed my thumb along her bottom lip.

"Just mine?"

She nodded. "Only yours." She paused for a second, looking thoughtful. "Wait... Are you referring to Bella's ring tone?" She smirked at me; I smirked back and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes ma'am, I think I am."

"I, um… Kissed Bella?" she admitted.

"Did you do anything else with your friend Bella?"

She nodded. "Yes... but babe, oh my gawd, she had never masturbated before, so I had to teach her and well..." She trailed off, blushing. I smiled down at her, encouraging her to go on. "So I was helping her and well, we kinda sorta got lost in the moment…"

"And…" I pressed, nudging her a little.

"And what?"

"What did you do?" I asked her, licking my lip in anticipation.

"I fucked her?" I think my dick twitched when she said that.

"With your toy?" I asked her, hoping to get a good visual. She shook her head and stuck her tongue out at me; I couldn't help it I had to lick it. Then I thought about it for a second, "With that?"

She nodded, "And with my fingers…" _That is just so fucking hot._ I kissed her deeply, passionately, pulling her so close to my body I'm sure she felt exactly how turned on her going down on another girl made me, she moaned a little as I pulled away. "Fuck, I love you."

"I love you too." I was going to kiss her again, but then I heard a knock on the door.

"Jasper? Is your visitor still here?" The nurse from earlier tried to open the door unsuccessfully because of the dresser that was still in front of it.

"Shit." I flew off the bed and began grabbing my clothes pulling them on as Alice fumbled her way into hers. "Yeah, just give me a minute." I yelled at the nurse, hoping to stall for more time.

"You're not supposed to have guests in a closed room, Jasper." She chided me.

"You can drug test me if you want." I yelled back angrily. Once Alice was dressed I pulled the dresser away from the wall and faced the nurse who took one look at us and…well, it was safe to say she knew we weren't doing drugs.

_Thank god this nurse is cool as fuck._

-----

I never heard from Nettie again, thank fuck. Aro, the proud owner of this establishment, pulled me into his office with Carlisle so I could make a statement as to what had happened between us now, as well as everything in the past. He read it over in front of me and seemed satisfied with it so he let me go.

The days carried on and Alice began visiting me everyday. Our relationship was growing, she commented on my physical changes saying I was getting 'hotter', which I couldn't figure out how she figured I was, other than the fact that all this physical therapy was definitely working me out and I was gaining weight and muscle mass. She seemed to like it though so I wasn't going to complain, I'd just show off whenever she came around. It was nice to be around her all the time again, I'd forgotten how peaceful and happy she made me feel. It was still fairly warm outside so we spent the time we had during visiting hours to cuddle under the willow tree beside the river and talk about shit, like our plans for the future, what I was going to do about a job, her shopping for the apartment and painting the walls with Esme. Not to mention her telling me about all the wonderful clothes Esme was buying her. And the uniform. God. Help me now.

She had do something or other for school and decided that that day would be a fantastic time to show off the plaid skirt and white knee high sock combo. _I'm pretty sure my girl is going to have to get dressed at school or something to make it out the door in time when I get home. _

Then she also dropped the bombshell that she had gotten a job to help pay bills. It ruffled my feathers a bit that she thought she had to help when all I really wanted to do was provide for her. But at the moment she kind of had a point, after I got out of rehab what was I going to do about a job?

After expressing my worries about that to Carlisle, Jake – my foster brother from six years ago showed up out of nowhere offering me a job as a janitor at the charter school he ran in a neighboring town. It would be a two hour trip every day, but the pay was good and I'd actually be getting benefits, health and dental and a 401k and everything. He even told me that if Alice and I ever got married she could be put under my insurance. Yes, what I have been thinking about marrying her. _Is that so wrong? _She is perfect for me, she loves me and really I don't think I could live without her. No, strike that, I won't fucking live without her. I don't want to.

Of course all this transpired while I had a cut lip and a bruised eye. When Jake heard what happened he was shocked. Most people who know me and Edward think we're fucking close and shit. Well, we are – or were, till he started scoping the designs on my lady love and fucking lied to me about it.

Last week, Edward decided that three weeks after Alice and I got back together he should stop by to talk to me. I was sitting outside, having a smoke and sketching the nearby willow tree and the fucker walked up out of nowhere and sat down next to me.

"Hey Jay." He finally said after sitting there wordlessly for a few minutes.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

"It's visiting hours and I'm on your list of approved visitors." _Touché. _I finally looked over at him; he was staring at the river.

"Fine. What do you want?" I asked, again amazed at how calm and controlled my voice was.

"We need to talk." He finally met my gaze; I cocked my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at him, my indication for him to continue. "I wanted to apologize for not giving the phone to Alice when you called, but at the time I thought it was for the best because you'd hurt her so badly. I was hoping she'd just get over you, so you couldn't hurt her anymore."

"You want me to believe that it really had nothing to do with the fact you wanted in her pants? You knew I was desperate to talk to her to tell her that I was an idiot and that I wanted her back."

"I was trying to protect her." He reiterated, looking back to the river. "All you're gonna do is hurt her in the end, we both know it."

"I don't want to hurt her Ed, I love her."

He shook his head, "Let's face it bro, the other thing you love is your drugs." My fist connected with his chin a split second before I realized I'd made the decision to punch him. He fell to his elbow and looked at me in disbelief, giving me time to toss my cigarette towards the river and my pad of paper beside me.

"You don't fucking know me anymore," I spat at him. He glared back and lunged at me, tackling me to the ground, his fist connecting with my stomach.

"You're a worthless piece of shit who uses people constantly," he roared, making me hesitate long enough to get a punch me in the face. I growled and socked him as hard as I could in the ribcage, making him fall to the side and allowing me to get in a few more good punches. After that it just seemed like a whirl of jabs of pain with each hit and movement, constant movement as we rolled, kicked and punched each other. I could tell we had a small crowd around us, but I am fairly certain they had no idea how to break up a fight between brothers.

"You're a worthless piece of shit that makes moves on his brother's girl! Why don't you go out and find your own girlfriend for a change?!" I yelled at him in between punches. He growled and brought his knee up into my gut just as Peter grabbed me and Hurley grabbed Edward, we glared at each other from over their arms.

"Whoa, calm down Jay." Peter said, struggling to keep me in place.

"Yeah calm down Jay." Ed said in a condescending tone.

"Hey, you knock that off or I'm letting him go." Peter snapped at him.

"Let go anyway." I ground my teeth at Peter.

"No Jay, calm down." Peter said firmly.

I glared at Edward for a minute before finally throwing Peter off of me and saying, "Fine. Fuck it. I am fucking calm." As I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Are you gonna be good?" Hurley asked Edward. He narrowed his eyes at Hurley, but nodded in response. Just as Hurley let Edward go a few nurses and orderlies came rushing over to us.

"What is going on here?" Chris, the biggest orderly there asked.

"Nothing. Just got into a heated debate over which trees are better for shade." Peter lied, rather smoothly considering he came up with that shit on the spot.

"Is that what happened?" The orderly asked the rest of us, we all nodded, me and Edward barely glancing at the orderly before looking back at each other. The nurses looked at both Edward and I then shook their heads, if they didn't see it and couldn't prove what happened they couldn't do anything about it. I smirked as they walked away.

"Maybe you should talk about lighter topics," the orderly said before he turned and made his way back up the hill.

We all watched as they left and eventually everything died down so it was just the four of us by the river. "What the fuck is going on Jay?" Peter asked, looking between Edward and myself.

"Nothing, just a fight between brothers." I said as calmly as I could.

"He's mad because I mended his girlfriend's heart when he shattered it to bits." Edward spat back.

"You know stress is a trigger for a meth craving, can you please just knock this shit off?" Peter informed my brother.

"Everything is a fucking trigger." Edward responded.

"Well, you aren't helping your brother out much right now." Peter defended.

"I've spent almost the last three years of my life watching him try to kill himself. Do you know what that has done to _me_? Do you know how that makes _me_ feel?" I looked at Edward dumbfounded as he continued. "And it's always the same fucking shit, 'he'll quit when he wants to, don't stress him out because you'll make him crave it more'." He turned to look at me, I backed up slightly at the intensity of his gaze, "I am fucking tired of coddling your ass, you are a grown man, act like it." He yelled at me before stomping off.

Peter and Hurley looked at me flabbergasted. In truth I was as well, I had never thought of what my habit had done to my family. He was right, it was always about me. I sat on the grass and looked at the river, somber.

"Hey, you okay?" Hurley asked, lumbering down to sit next to me, Peter following suit on the other side.

"I will be." I assured him, wrapping my arms around my legs and staring at the river. They sat there with me; I think they were making sure I didn't have a nervous breakdown or something. I wasn't, but I won't lie... Right then, the way I was feeling, I wanted to get high. The craving was worse than anything. I wanted to forget.

After a while it started raining so we all went inside to the cafeteria. Alice came by after school and I spent time with her while she told me all about it, she seemed really excited. She showed me her schedule, told me about her classes and how being at school with Bella was. I was extremely happy for her; I couldn't stop smiling while I watched her talk, so enthusiastic. I imaged at some point in my life I had been like her, I wonder when I lost that spark? When had I stopped being excited and joyful? I mean, I felt it when I was around Alice, like just her being excited and happy seemed to rub off on me making me excited and happy as well, but the minute she left it was like I was dark and gloomy all over again.

For the next week things were normal. Every day I spent time with Emmett, Carlisle and Esme for a few hours in the morning then I'd work out like crazy, have lunch, do group therapy, counseling or read and then Alice came by and then dinner. I loved spending time with my family, don't get me wrong, but time with Alice was so precious to me. We'd talk and snuggle up anywhere we could, playing with each other's hands, kissing each other occasionally, or if it was rainy, we'd be inside and hang-out in the cafeteria, talking and holding hands. At the end of the week she handed me a small silver phone.

"What is this?" I asked her, inspecting it.

"It's a phone?" She responded in a question, raising her eyebrow at me. _I knew that smart ass._

"Why are you giving me one?" I amended.

"So you can call me when you need me or if you want to call me at night, you know when you're supposed to be in bed or whatever…" she blushed.

My girl bought this with dirty things in mind. Have I mentioned how perfect she is for me? "It takes pictures right?"

She nodded, "Yep, it's already got my number in there for you," she smiled.

"Good," _on both counts, _I added in thought as I smirked at her.

"Is that okay? I mean the phone?" She looked at me, worrying her lip with her teeth.

"Yeah baby, it is…" It was a nice gift after all. My only problem was, "Can we afford it?" I asked quietly.

She nodded quickly, "Yep. And I figured once you come home we can talk more about the bills... Just let me do this for you okay?"

I hated that she wanted to talk bills once we got home, fuck why can't she just let me handle it? I sighed. "Okay." I flipped the phone open and scanned through the features till I found one that looked like a camera, I pressed the button it indicated and watched as a picture of Alice and Alice's smile came up on my screen. Perfect. "It takes really good pictures." She laughed and nodded in agreement. "Can I send you messages?" I remembered being able to do that with the cell phone I had before doing drugs.

"Yep, regular text messages and picture messages," she bit back a smile as I raised an eyebrow.

"Picture messages?"

With that she pulled her own small purple and silver phone and began pressing buttons. "Yep, like.... This," she smiled at me just as my phone buzzed in my hand, alerting me that I had a new message. I opened it to see my lady love in a rather small bikini. I smirked at her.

"Lose the top and we're in business."

She laughed. "Well, I do have to take a shower tonight," she waggled her eyebrows at me, letting me know she knew what I meant by that.

"As do I my lovely lady," I winked. She grinned then kissed me firmly on the mouth.

"I love you Jasper."

"I love you too baby."

----

That night I sent her a few pictures of me before my shower, and one of my brand new boxer brief clad package right after. Almost immediately my phone buzzed.

_**Tease. **_

Then my phone buzzed again and I clicked open a picture titled: _**oops I lost my shirt, **_showing that she had indeed lost her shirt and was now clad in just a bra.

_**Nice baby. Lose the bra. **_

She sent one quickly back; _**DONE. **_

I climbed into bed and sent her another message; _**Should I set the anaconda free?**_

_**If you want to see the new panties I have on.**_

_Fuck yes, I wanna see the new panties. _I pulled the underwear off and took a picture of my half-a-chubby and sent it with the caption; _**Watch out. Live snake**_.

A minute later I received a new picture, Alice's lower body complete with seriously fucking barely there lace boy shorts. I gawked for a little bit, I think I might have worried her with my lack of response because she sent; _**You like?**_

I had been absentmindedly stroking myself, so I sent a picture of that with the response; _**You think?**_

_**There's more...**_

That made me curious; _**More?**_

_**Yep.**_

My girl went panty shopping? _**What kind of more?**_

_**Panties... garters... the usual**_

Fuck. Need to change the subject. Now. _**How is our place lookin?**_

_**Almost done. The only big thing is our room. But I need you**_ _**for that.**_

I bet she does; _**we're getting handcuffs.**_

_**Oh Really?**_

_**And a bed we can attach them to. **_I added.

_**Have I been a bad girl Jazzy?**_

_**Very. And I want you all tied up so I can play with you.**_

_**I like the sound of that.**_

Teasing her a little I decided to send her another picture of my cock; _**he does too.**_

_**He seems happy.**_

_**He's sad actually. **_I countered.

_**Aww. Why is he sad?**_

I smirked; _**he misses you.**_

_**I miss him too.**_

Fuck this texting shit, I needed to hear her voice. I pressed the green button to dial her number and listened to a song instead of the ringing you normally get. _Interesting. _"Hi." She chirped.

"Hey," I drawled, trying to sound as sexy as I could, she fucking giggled.

"What 'cha doing?" She asked.

"Talkin' to you."

I heard the telltale squeak of springs as she settled into bed. "Uh huh... still got your snake on the loose?"

"Yep." I tugged on him automatically.

"Mmhmm... Are you ignoring him?" She asked.

"Tryin' to."

"Why?" She sounded rather offended that I was trying to ignore my sexual urges.

"'Cause I wanna save it till I get home and can fuck you over every surface I can think of."

"Babe, you know what talking like that does to me," she laughed a little. "Well we do have a new couch to break in."

Wow. New furniture, I had forgotten about that. "Nice. I can't wait."

"One more week babe... and then I am so locking you in the room with me."

"And I am handcuffing you to the bed so I can play with your ass." I wonder if she knows I meant that literally, I really liked the response I got from her when I played back there last time I went down on her.

"Fine by me."

_Did she catch what I meant? Did she really mean it was fine by her? _Fuck the possibilities were going straight to my dick. "Would you mind that?" I asked that before chewing my lip.

"I'm yours Jasper... If that's something you want, I'll try it…"

"Really?"

"Yes." Her tone was firm, she really meant it.

My dick got hard as I thought about it, pushing into her… _oh shit, I better stop thinking about it. _"Do you know how much that turns me on baby?"

"No I don't," she practically purred. I pulled the phone away from my ear and messed with the buttons till I got to the camera and took a picture of my damn near purple cock and sent it to her. She got it a second later and made an odd grunting sound. "Jazzy you're teasing me."

"No kitten, you're teasing me." I stroked myself idly, I seriously felt like my cock was about to break off at any second.

"Whatever, you can stroke it while talking to me and get off, while my poor little vibe won't help me though," she pouted.

"It's nothing like being inside you though." I informed her.

"I know, but still." She argued.

"Maybe Bella could help you." I teased, making her giggle.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

I'll be honest, "Fuck. Yes."

"What do you like more… Me making her cum or just the thought of me being with another girl?"

"The thought of you with another girl."

"I will admit it's fun." she giggled.

"What have you done with her?" I asked, still occasionally stroking myself. _What? This shit is a turn on._

"I told you before babe."

"Y'all haven't done anything since?" That's disappointing.

"Well, no 'cause she got this new toy that I used on her."

A new toy, hmmmm? "That does sound like fun." Her only response was a giggle, "Although I'd still rather have my dick inside you than a toy."

"I would rather that too. You realize the name these things the weirdest things ever? Like this is called a 'bullet' how is that a turn on?" She laughed, but I knew what she was talking about.

"It's 'cause it's shaped like a bullet, kitten."

"Oh."

"And you press it against your clit when it's turned on and supposedly it will make your feet give out because it feels so good." I smirked a little at my knowledge.

She hummed for a minute, "That does sound nice."

"And I bet a good orgasm would relax you for school tomorrow."

"Mmhmm I bet it would." She agreed.

"I want a picture of you naked Kitten." Yeah, that wasn't a question.

"Kay... but I think I need to take a picture in the mirror babe…" I heard the bed squeak as she moved off it.

"Okay."

"Kay," I heard some rustling and then a beep in my ear alerting me that I had received a text. "Luckily I was already naked in your bed." I could hear the smirk in her voice and I pulled the phone away from my ear to check out the picture. God, it's been too long since I'd seen her naked, and she looked fucking good. Real fucking good. I couldn't help it; I was full on beating off then.

"Fuck you're hot. I want one of your ass." I told her, I heard another beep and looked at my pictures and sure enough, her cute little ass and her cute as fuck back dimples. I was full on panting into the phone now, totally unembarrassed. "Baby touch yourself, I want a picture." I heard her giggle and I pulled the phone away from my ear just in time to see the text box light up; I pressed it and opened the picture.

_I love this chick. _

My nuts tightened as I continued stroking myself quickly, "Fuck Kitten I wanna fuck you so hard it will make our day before the ice cubes look tame." She moaned into my ear and I wanted to hear more of that. "Put the toy up to your clit kitten and turn it on, I wanna hear you cum."

"There's three speeds babe…" She explained.

"Start on the low speed. I don't wanna desensitize your clit…" _Because I want you to still respond when I eat you out. _I added in thought.

"Kay…" she agreed and then quickly gasped out.

"Does that feel good baby?"

"Yes," she purred.

"Start rolling it in a circle…" I slowed down my own strokes so I could listen to her.

"Oh God," she moaned, breathlessly.

"How does that feel kitten?"

"Really good." She groaned.

"Put two of your fingers in your pussy and feel the top part for a rough patch baby." I instructed, knowing exactly where that little patch was.

"Kay…" I heard her move around again, no doubt to prop the phone up to her ear. She moaned a little.

"You find it?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, now fuck yourself with your fingers and make sure to rub up against it each time." She obviously listened to me, for a time the only sounds coming from the phone were moans and panting, I am sure she was getting the same on her end. "You sound so sexy right now." I drawled.

"Jasper," she moaned. My eyes rolled at the sound, it sounded so good. I continued stroking.

"Cum for me kitten," I demanded, stroking myself faster.

"Yes," she panted out, a few times actually, gradually getting louder. There was a split second of silence before I heard her moan my name rather loudly. _Oh dear lord. _The sound made me cum, cursing in a low voice, my eyes squeezed shut. I opened my eyes slowly and adjusted to the low light before I realized that I came all over my hand. I grabbed tissues from my night stand and began clean up.

"Oh wow…" she giggled out, rather breathless sounding.

"Did you like that kitten?" I asked, amused.

"Yes. But I still expect you to fuck me properly when you get home."

"Oh don't worry, I will."

"Good…" she exhaled rather deeply.

That made me a little worried, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah... that was... Intense?"

"I bet, makes me wish my cock curved so I could hit that little spot."

"Your cock does just fine babe." She assured me.

That made me smile, "Thanks. Is it next week yet?"

"I wish," she whined.

I put my sweats on, sans boxers, _what can I say? I like the feeling_. I cleared my throat, "So how is school going?"

"Okay so far. My art teacher wants me to enter the art show they have around the winter break." She explained.

"I think you should."

"I don't know Jazzy... The stuff that gets selected is in a blind seller thing... I doubt anyone would buy my stuff."

I scoffed at that, she was incredibly talented, "I bet they would."

"You don't count," She laughed. "I have time to think about it. Although, there's this bitch at school… Ugh."

"What about her baby?"

"She's stupid, condescending and needs to be smacked upside the head." I could hear hurt in her voice, which confused me a little. "Like the other day for laughs, she totally tripped Bella. And then every time I walk by she calls me a whore…"

That pissed me off, "What gives her the right?"

"I don't know. But she's got most of the kids in our class thinking I slept with the dean to get in. I think she's just jealous that I'm smarter than her."

I felt a low growl in my chest, "Who does she think she is?"

"I don't know. Bee tells me not to let Stanley get under my skin…"

Fuck. Shit. "Stanley?"

"Yeah, Jessica Stanley." _Wrong Stanley, thank fucking God._

I cleared my throat. "Ah okay."

"I promise I'm being good. Even though I want to kick her teeth in…"

"Her sister is a whore I guess she's just trying to compensate." I explained, trying to comfort my girl.

"Sister? You know the cow that's I'm talking about?" She asked, sounding rather incredulous.

"Kinda." I whispered, rather admonished.

She groaned, "Maybe it's just a coincidence that she's targeting me and Bella right?"

"Does she know you're with me?"

"I don't know…"

"Well how would she know?" _I've been in here this entire time._

"I don't think she would. I mean when Bee and I talk about you I don't call you Jasper," she giggled.

"What do you call me?" I asked, smirking.

"Well she calls you lover boy," she snorted at that. "But I generally call you Jay or white rabbit," she mumbled the last part.

"I doubt she knows you're dating me though." No one, but Alice and Maria and that tattoo artist ever saw my white rabbit tattoo and there are lots of Jay's in this world.

"Is there something I should know about her and or her sister and you?" she asked.

"Um. You may not like it."

"It's your past right? Meaning that it won't happen again 'cause you learned from it?"

"Yeah... I um… fucked her sister once. Only once. Just 'cause of the uniform and she kept coming on to me... it was a few years back." I added quickly.

"Okay... I still hate the bitch."

"Her or her sister? Mousy bitch hit on me too. I didn't go for her 'cause 'A', she's kinda fugly and 'B', she was too young."

"Jessica for sure, I can't fault her sister for wanting you… you are fuck hot after all." She snorted, "She's still fugly."

She called me hot, it made me smile. "You really think I'm hot? Even naked?" I know it sounds fucking girly, but you try to having scars like this.

"Fuck yes."

"You're hotter," I grinned stupidly at the phone. I sound like I am fucking twelve or some shit.

She made a nasally sound, "Uh-huh, sure."

"Seriously. I love your body. You have a tight little ass and killer Jasper palm sized tits and you're all little and fuck, you're so cute."

She giggled, "You're still hotter with your blond hair that makes my fingers twitch 'cause they want to run through it. Your sexy as fuck accent you use to your advantage, and not to mention that damn smirk that makes me wet on command."

"I am so using that against you later," I informed her.

She laughed, "You do it now."

"Sure," I drawled, laying my accent on thick.

"Jasper…" she sounded like she was trying to warn me.

"We should go to sleep love."

"I know…" she pouted. "I love you Jazzy."

"I love you too Alice."

She made a kissing sound that made me smile even wider, "I'll see you after school?"

"Yeah." _Lord knows ,I ain't going anywhere, _"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too. Sweet dreams Jasper."

"Sweet dreams my love." I listened until it went silent and then drifted off to sleep. Six more days.

----

The next day I was impatient to see the love of my life again. Though, when I jogged down stairs at three as usual she wasn't there. Esme was. I walked over to her, a little panicked that something had happened.

"Where's Alice?" I asked immediately, skipping all the pleasantries as I sat across from her.

"She got into a fight at school, Carlisle and I grounded her." She told me and my head hit the table.

_God damn it. _

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**End note:** Alright so, we're still not back to weekly updates, again will post just as soon as we have the next chapter written and edited. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, let us know what you think and review.


	20. Paint, Thread, and Ink

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**Disclaimer**: We don't own Twilight or the characters of said saga. Just a really sassy bunny…

**K**: Thanks for your patience, hopefully things get better soon. Hope it's worth the wait ;)

**Robs**: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and have stood by us during the past month. It's awesome to have such great and loyal readers, we love you all.

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**Paint, thread, and ink**

_I've arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I've been doing._

_~ Alice Koller, An Unknown Woman, 1982_

The drive back to the Cullen house was pleasant. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the grin off my face. I got my Jazzy back. I was tickled fucking pink.

But even my happiness had a black spot in it. I knew there were some things that needed to be taken care of, things to be said and things to do before Jasper and I could truly be happy and together.

Step number one: Report that fucking bitch of a nurse. The problem or at least the one that I can see, I'm emotionally involved.

So I did the next best thing. As soon as I got to the house, I ran past Esme and Edward, who looked visibly upset and right up to Carlisle's office. I didn't even bother with the formalities of knocking. I was a woman on a mission damn it!

Carlisle looked startled at my sudden intrusion, but greeted me kindly. As soon as I spilled the information about what had happened with Jasper and Nettie, I felt better. He of course went into action, immediately calling someone. When I heard him greet the other person on the line and ask for Aro Volturi, I knew it was my time to exit.

I slowly walked down the steps, knowing I would have to face Esme and Edward next, especially since all of my belongings were currently sitting in the back of Jasper's Bronco.

See I had a plan, knowing full and well that I was undeserving of the second chance I'd been given, I packed up everything and loaded it into the Bronco. From there I was going to say goodbye to Jasper then drive myself to the bus station where I would text both Ed and Bella asking them to pick up Jasper's truck and leave everything behind.

I should have known Jasper wouldn't let that happen, I thought wryly as I stepped off the final step.

"I thought you were leaving," Edward said coldly.

"I'll leave if that's what you really want."

"No Alice, please don't leave!" Esme cried out pushing away from Edward.

I took a hesitant step toward her, unsure if Edward would stop her or not. "I don't want to leave Esme... I'm sorry I said those things. It was childish of me."

Esme closed the gap, wrapping her arms around me as she hugged me tight. I could hear Edward sigh behind her, his displeasure obvious.

I hugged her back, burying my face in her shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I just didn't want to be the reason why Jasper wouldn't come around when he's back," I tried to explain as my voice gave away my emotions. "I love you like a mom," I admitted as the tear began to flow, "and I couldn't do it, I couldn't be the reason you lose your son..."

"I knew you'd make up, whatever happens, you two are meant to be together. You both may be a bit messed up in your thinking, but that's half of what makes you perfect... every couple has their fights." I felt her kiss the top of my head as she rubbed my back in a soothing manner. "Please Alice, don't ever do this again."

"I won't. I promise," I said as I pulled away to look into her eyes. "He still loves me," I said softly with a smile. Even though I'd heard him say it himself, I still found it hard to believe especially after everything we'd done.

Esme smiled back at me and I could see nothing but love and relief in her eyes. "I know."

"I have to get my things out of the car..." I trailed off before looking down at the ground. I didn't know if she knew what Edward meant when he said he thought I was leaving, but I couldn't look her in the eyes if she did.

"Why don't you go help her?" Esme asked Edward.

"Sure Mom." I looked up to see him tense his jaw. _Great, he's still pissed._ I gave him a tight smile before hurrying out the front door.

I heard the door close and quickened my pace. "You are the most infuriating child I have ever met." I heard Edward snipe from behind me.

"I'm a child?! What the fuck are you doing reading things addressed to _Jasper_?!" I hissed at him as I opened the tailgate of the truck.

"I didn't read it, mom did." He said, yanking the suitcase out.

I rolled my eyes at him. Did he really have to call Bella and get her in a foul mood too? "Fine," I muttered as I grabbed my duffle.

"You..." he started but just glared at me.

"Me what Edward?!" I snapped at him, returning his glare. "Whore? Slut? Unworthy child? Go ahead, take your best fucking shot, not like I didn't already beat myself up over the things we're both guilty of." I slammed the tailgate shut.

"You aren't allowed to keep playing with everyone's emotions like this, I mean... is this all you're good for? Fucking with everyone's heads?"

"I'm not playing with anyone's fucking emotions any more Edward! I'm sorry I made you believe there was a chance that you and I could be something. I know I made a mistake doing that, but goddamn Edward you were the only person I had at the time who made me feel something but fucking misery!"

"You are such a bitch, Alice." He shook his head and kept walking. "I can't even... it's not just about me."

_No shit Sherlock_, I thought as I put the strap of my duffle over my head like a messenger bag. I jogged to get ahead of him and stopped. We needed to lay out our differences now, before we walked back into that house. There was no way in hell I was going to spend two more weeks in an awkward situation.

"Let it out Edward. This is the only way you and I are gonna be able to be near each other from now on. And rather then get your mom into this, say the shit that needs to be said so we can at least act civil to each other."

He sighed. "Okay. Seriously… You hurt me, you came to _me,_ and yes, I fucking kissed you, and yes I even egged you on to keep doing things with me. And yes, goddamn it, Jasper is my brother and I love him more than you will ever fucking realize, but I thought you were too good for him Alice... now, you just put yourself down at his level. Someday, when you are crying over his dead body, or alone in your apartment wondering what STD ridden whore he is fucking tonight, you're going to think of me and realize, man I really fucked that up. I tried to be what you wanted Alice, but I can't be him. I won't be him, and if that's what you want then fine, have him… Whatever!" He pointed his finger in my face and I instantly saw red. I'd never asked him to be something he wasn't and I sure as fuck didn't like the way he was talking about Jasper.

"But do not ever, for one second, hurt my mom, that shit is a no. She has gone through far too much for me to let you do that to her. How dare you leave without telling her goodbye? How dare you even think about leaving after everything she has done for you? How dare you leave when she cares about you so goddamn much that she would die a little each time she wondered if you were okay and reading the newspapers to find out if you were killed by your fucked in the head stepfather?"

He stopped to take a deep breath as I bit back all the words I wanted to scream at him. It was his turn to talk. I asked for it. "I can forgive what you did to me and even going back to Jasper, but don't you ever fucking do that shit to Esme again."

Before I could form a coherent thought I slapped him hard across the face. "That is for Jasper. You don't know him like I do." I spat at him as he grabbed my hand.

"Do not slap me Alice." He said between clenched teeth.

I shook my hand free, trying to will the stinging away. "Fuck, what are you made of, marble?"

"You deserve that. I do know Jasper, I know him better than you do. I have known him for ten years, and the past three he has done nothing but drugs. You're stupid if you think he loves you more than them."

"And you're stupid if you have no faith in love!" I retorted. "I love all of you Edward. I didn't mean to hurt your mother and I promise to never do it again. People change Edward, including Jasper. Everyone else in this family has seen it but you." I shook my head at him. "I'm sorry you've had to see him at his worst. Hell I've even seen it. But I know the Jasper that you care about and love as a brother is still in there..." _He just needs us to help him find his way,_ I pleaded with him silently.

I could see the unshed tears in his eyes. I knew the situation with Jasper was killing him, ever since Emmett told me about the bond they had, I could see it. "How are you so fucking special Alice? How can he care more about you than it? He doesn't even care about his own family more than it, not even..." He stopped himself, shaking his head as he chuckled bitterly.

I moved a step closer to him, willing myself not to touch him in a comforting manner. _Just talk Alice,_ I told myself. "That's just it Edward, I'm not special. I'm just the girl he loves and I'm trying to help him find his way back home. He loves you. I know he does. I honestly think that he knows he's failed you, _you_ of all people, so many times and he thinks the bond you two had as brothers is gone. He doesn't feel that way with Emmett because Emmett never treated him any differently, using or not. Even Carlisle and Esme still show him unconditional love, even if they are dying inside with each hit he takes. I'm not saying that you do that. Please don't think that I am. You just can't keep this bottled up Edward." Again I caught myself pleading with him as his eyes locked onto mine. "It's killing you both," I took a step back, not sure how he'd react to my next statement. "And whether you believe me or not, I can't lose you both."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You know nothing," he growled out.

"I know what it's like to lose your family to a monster Edward. You may see me as a dumb kid, but I'm not." I shook my head and turned to head for the house.

He grabbed my arm, stopping me from leaving as he spun me around. "I don't think Jasper's a monster."

I gave him a small smile. "Good, but I meant the Meth, Ed." To the Cullen's Meth was their monster, where as for me, it was Jorge.

"You won't fucking lose me," he said snarked as he let go of my arm. "But our friendship is changed. It can't be the way it was before." He looked down at the ground. "Jasper... isn't going to like it."

"He knows about us Edward. If he found it in his heart to forgive me, he'll forgive you first." I offered. "I realize our relationship has changed." I gave him a small smile as we headed for the house. "I hope for the better, with time of course."

"He'll forgive but he won't forget..." he shook his head. "You don't know him like I do... He might not want you around me Alice, and I'll respect his wishes."

"I'm not asking him to forget, I'm just saying over time things will be better than before. And you never know. He might be okay with hanging out once you get a girl." I told him in a teasing manner.

He shrugged. "I'm dating," he offered sounding both irate and bashful.

I raised my eyebrow at him. _That was quick_. "Really?"

"Yep," he said popping his 'p' as he nodded.

"Go Freak Boy, you stud you."

"Yeah it's just the bakery owner... and this chick down the block..."

I giggled at the mention of the bakery. "Miss Conty?" I could so make a comment about him liking her pie at the moment but bit my tongue.

He nodded again, "Yeah."

"Play on playa'." I groaned slightly after I said it. _Idiot._

He rolled his eyes but I could see him holding back a smile as he held the front door open for me. "Hardly."

"Who's the other one? If you don't mind me asking..." Yes I was curious, considering it had been three days since he called me a whore and everything, it seemed like he was rushing it.

"Her name is Jess," he said with a shrug.

"Well as long as you're happy."

He shrugged again. "Bella's pretty," he said after a few moments of awkward silence.

"She is… Quite smart too. I think she balances me out," I shrugged. I wanted to list all the cool things about her but didn't want to sound like I was trying to sell her to him. "'Cause she's more reserved and whatnot."

He nodded his head. "I can tell..." he chewed on his lip for a moment. "I like her... but I don't know right now."

I smiled at him that was a step in the right direction. "Just get to know her Ed."

"I'd just end up hurting her..." he shook his head and muttered, "I am such an ass."

"How would you hurt her?"

He shrugged, "By being an asshole... and I mean all the shit I did with you..."

"You're not an asshole unless provoked." _Yes I went there._ "And I wouldn't worry about our past... Trust me," I said, trying my hardest not to laugh at how eager she was to have the details. "It doesn't bother her."

He smiled lightly. "So she says now."

I shook my head at him. "Bella doesn't seem like the type to hold a grudge. Like I said, just get to know her and if there's a spark, then you'll know what to do next."

He laughed, "I am the sit back and let the girl do all the work type of guy..." I turned my head to face him and saw the smirk on his face that made me snort out at him.

"I've noticed," I teased before sticking my tongue out at him.

"Speaking of sitting back and taking it guys... you moving back into Jasper's room?" He asked as we stepped onto the second floor landing.

I smiled and nodded, "Yep." I honestly couldn't wait to curl up in his bed again.

Edward chewed his lip. I noticed his face fall slightly before he spoke again, as if he was setting himself up or preparing for something. "So you are back together?"

"Yeah... we have some things we gotta work on... but all couples have things they gotta do to make it work ya know?"

"Uhhh yeah…"

I laughed slightly when I realized that he didn't really know what I meant. "I mean all relationships... sorry." I apologized quickly, biting my lip as we entered the bed room.

Edward shrugged before placing my suitcase on the bed. "It's okay."

After a few more minutes of chit chat, Edward excused himself and left me to unpack. It was safe to say that things were starting to mend between us, but there was more to be said.

-----

The next day I came downstairs to see Esme sitting at the dining room table with what appeared to be a building floor plan and color swatches. I grabbed myself a bowl of cereal before sitting down at the table. I could see by the date marked in red on her plans, Esme was giving herself a strict time limit in which to complete her project.

I ate silently looking at her drawings and sketches. She pushed several variations of yellow paint samples at me.

"Which one do you like best?" She asked. I quirked an eyebrow at her, but pointed at the lightest shade of yellow called Lemon Drop. I watched as she marked the color number in the area of the kitchen.

"I think a blue would look nice as an accent wall in the living room. Plus, I think Jasper would like the blue," I added shrugging.

"Good to see you recognize your apartment," she smiled over her coffee cup.

"You're repainting?"

She shook her head, "We're painting the apartment. Emmett is there now moving the furniture to the bedroom so the plastic drop sheets can be put down."

"Furniture?" I asked confused.

She smiled gently. "Yes sweetie. The dining room table is being moved. The couch has been taken to the Salvation Army."

"The couch?" I squeaked, blushing slightly.

"Yes, Carlisle and I have decided that you both need a new start."

------

She wasn't kidding about the new start. We spent most of the day painting the apartment, granted by lunch time Emmett had yellow paint in his hair and I had a bright blue paw print from him on my arm. But at the end of the day we had everything but the bedroom finished.

Wednesday was a very busy day for me. I not only had to attend the new student seminar at school, in the full uniform mind you, but I also had an interview at the steak house not far from the apartment. As well as starting on the shopping for new furniture and kitchen supplies.

I was so excited by all of this that it completely slipped my mind to tell Jasper that I was even looking for a job. I figured it would be a good thing, that way I could help out with the cost of things while he finds work. I could tell he wasn't happy about it when I told him, but he was still proud that I'd managed to get the job.

Of course Thursday was the first day of school. _Why they started it then I will never know_. I liked my classes and was excited when the majority of my classes had Bella in them. What I didn't like, was a girl happened to be in every one of my classes. Jessica Stanley, and she's a cow.

I don't mean that she's big or anything, _well her nose might be_. But this bitch is just grating on my nerves. And school's only been in session for a few days. At first I was able to ignore her, at least when she wasn't flapping that god awful jaw of hers.

My anger towards her originally started in our art class. We were asked to draw our impression of perfection. So naturally, I drew the only thing I could think of, Jasper's face. When Ms. Winters asked me why I chose that particular subject when he looked as if he was sad, I just smiled up at her and explained that he wasn't sad; if anything he was contemplating the things around him. After she had moved on to look at the progress of the others, Jessica started with me.

"Why are you trying to glorify a Junkie?" she whined behind me.

I ground my teeth and focused on getting the texture of his hair right, choosing to ignore her. She wasn't taking the silent treatment well and shoved me in my right shoulder. "I'm talking to _you,_ whore." She spat out.

I turned to face her. "I have a name and until you address me by such I don't have to answer your ignorant questions."

She rolled her eyes. "You are all the same; you think you're hot shit, when honestly you're nothing but a white trash whore."

I looked her over and smirked. She was calling me the white trash whore when she was wearing her uniform shirt five sizes too small, fishnet stockings and a black bra… "If you say so Skank," I replied cheekily.

You would think she'd leave well enough alone after that, but sadly, no. If she wasn't calling me a whore, or Jasper a junkie, she was picking on Bella. Why she was even a target, I'll never understand, but it was becoming too much.

Thankfully I had several things to take my mind off of the shit with Stanley. There were my visits with Jasper – which is funny as hell to look at because we were becoming that lovey-dovey couple we made fun of at the park. I also had various projects that Bella and I were working on, and work.

I really liked my job. Everyone on staff was extremely nice and the tips were great. A week after working with Tyler on the floor, the manager, Kim, let me out on my own and I made a hundred dollars in tips. Sweet Jesus this was so much better than getting paid to give head.

My first pay check was over three hundred dollars and combined with the tips I'd made, I was able to get Jasper added onto the cellular plan that Esme got me. Of course I had to try and convince her to put the contract in my name so I could take care of it; took me ten minutes to give her this speech on how I wanted to prove that I can be financially responsible and think this was the best way to do it. All the while Esme looked amused and agreed with one condition; I ask for help when I need it.

_Seriously? Pssh, I can do that._

So Monday I gave Jasper his new phone and was excited that I'd actually be able to hear his voice before bed each night. I never counted on hearing more than his voice or even using that damn bullet before he got out, but I'm so not complaining either.

When I got up the next morning I sent a quick text to Jasper before heading over to the coffee shop to meet Bella. This is our thing, we both get mocha's before school. It calms us. Don't ask.

The day quickly passed as soon it was time for lunch. We got our usual salads and sat at our table where another girl named Angela and her boyfriend Ben would join us.

"Okay, so she's been calling Jay a junkie all week right?" Bella asked as she bit into a snow pea.

I nodded staring down at my salad. "See I thought she was just being a bitch, but Bee, he knows her."

I heard Bella yelp a bit and tried to hide it with a cough. "Did he," she leaned closer to me, "you know?" she whispered.

I shook my head. "No, not her but her sister." I looked up to see a strange smile on Bella's face. "What?" I snapped.

"Just that you two are like rabbits. Sex is always involved with you too somehow." She tried to explain.

"He's an addict Bella he can't –" She held her hand to cut me off.

"I know and I wasn't trying to talk trash about either of you. I was just simply saying that when there is a snag in the stitching, sex is generally the cause."

I raised an eyebrow at her to continue as I took a bite of my salad.

"Well there's the fact that he's a sex addict, you used to… you know. Then there's the whole Nettie and Edward debacle."

"Hey! What? Now you're singing a different tune on the Edward thing?" I asked her incredulously.

"No, but even you've got to admit that you're wondering when the hell that is going to bite you in the ass," she raised her eyebrow at me challenging me to say otherwise.

"You're right, I wonder that every time I'm with him and he has that far off look. But I'm not going to live fearing it, ya know?"

Bella nodded. "And you shouldn't, as long as you realize that you're actions will have consequences in the future."

"Yeah, that's the thing that scares me." I admitted softly.

"Why? He loves you, you love him," she shrugged. "Love conquers all and all that B.S."

I laughed, "Bitter much?"

She snorted. "No, I think I've just read too many romance novels," she said waving me off.

The final class of the day was both mine and Bella's favorite, A.P. literature. We were both anxious about our first book we were to read, critique and decide whether the work of fiction could be a modern day tale.

Mr. Vezeau handed us the books, the choice being William Shakespeare's 'A Mid Summer's Night Dream,' I bit my tongue trying my best not to point out the irony in this situation. Of course Bella caught it too and snorted then looked down when she caught me glaring at her.

After Mr. Vezeau explained the project to us, he gave us the rest of our day to discuss with our 'study buddy,' leaving the room to attend to something. Bella immediately moved her desk closer to mine. "So what were you sketching in Calculus earlier?" she asked.

I pulled my leather bound sketch book out of my bag and flipped open to a picture of her and Edward. I watched as she gaped at it. "Wait, what?" She asked.

I shrugged as I thumbed through the Shakespeare book. "I was just doodling and that came to me."

"But that's me…" She breathed as she pointed at the drawing. "And that's Edward… kissing me!" She hissed.

I laughed and nodded. "Yep. Like I said, it came to me."

She raised an eyebrow at me, clearly asking me if I meant "came to me" like a ghost drawing or not. Again I nodded. I actually had the intent to draw the sunflower field that I was going to be painting along the wall of the bay window, but apparently Edward and Bella were far more important.

"So you really think?" Bella asked astounded.

I just shrugged. "I hope so. Cause then we could be sisters." I joked smiling a little.

"Umm," she wrinkled her nose causing me to laugh and slap her arm with my book. "What?" she laughed. "I was just saying, I'm pretty sure what we do is illegal for sisters to do in the United States." She teased sticking her tongue out at me.

I hadn't even noticed Jessica approaching us until she grabbed the sketch book from Bella. "What's this?" She asked as her slimy hands flipped through the pages. "More drawings of The Junkie? Seriously Mary, I thought you'd know better by now."

"Her name is Alice, Jessica. Give me back the book." Bella spat.

"Aww, how cute. The little dyke's girlfriend is finally showing some balls," she taunted.

"Fuck off Stanley and give me the book." I demanded.

Jessica merely shook her head at me. "No, I'm not done looking at your pathetic shrine to that meth head Jasper. Besides, I think it's hilarious that you seem to think he would want a whore like you when he can have my sister."

I snorted despite myself. "Ah yes, I've heard so much about your tramp of a sister. In fact she left such an impression, Jazz had his dad test him for STDs."

Jessica slammed the book down on Bella's desk making her jump a bit while I didn't flinch. "Don't you get it Alice? He's using you, like he does everyone else. He probably told you he loves you, he wants to be with you, and all that other romantic crap that you eat up. But you will never be the _only_ one for him. Never."

"And what makes you so sure Stanley?" I asked with my eyebrow raised. This bitch didn't know shit.

"Because the day after you and he had your date at the local market. He was at my sister's, fucking her."

"Bullshit!" Bella blurted out. I just shook my head.

"Just give me the book Stanley."

She flipped it open to the first page and looked at it, her lips curling into a heinous sneer. "You really have yourself convinced that he would want some whore who sells her mouth on the street?" she asked as her fingers slid under the page.

_Damn this bitch knows way too much about me without even trying._

She smirked. "I know all about you Mary. My Dad was arrested because his little whore went crying to the cops." I felt my face drop. "According to him, little Mary asked for it every time. And when he told her he wouldn't leave his family for her, she made a scene; all he was trying to do was end it."

"Bullshit," I hissed between clenched teeth.

"So imagine my surprise when Daddy sees the little _slut_ that ruined it all at my school." I watched as she moved her fingers to the center of the upper edge of Jasper's drawing. "Of course I said, 'Who Daddy?' and wouldn't you know it? It was you."

I didn't say a word. I just glared at her, daring her to try something. This was one fight I wouldn't back down from. She had no idea what Felix, if that truly was her dad, did to me. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing there was _some_ truth to her words.

"This is for ruining my family," she snapped as she ripped Jasper's drawing clear in half before picking the book up. "And this is for bringing your whorish ways into this school!" she shouted before launching the book at my head.

I heard Bella gasp from beside me. The corner of the book hitting me in the jaw, but I didn't feel it. Instead I jumped over the desk to attack Jessica. I tackled her to the ground, where she started to tug at my hair, trying to get me off of her as I clawed at her.

I could hear the murmurings of the class as we took turns slapping and scratching each other. _The bitch even had the nerve to bite me!_ Finally, the booming voice of the teacher returning and the force of several people pulling me away from Jessica stopped the fight.

"Now I need a fucking rabies shot you disease ridden, trailer trash!" I spat at her.

"Ms. Brandon! That is enough!" Mr. Vezeau roared.

"Even the faculty wants you gone whore!" Jessica shouted back smugly.

"Ms. Stanley, unless you want to be permanently removed from this school I suggest you shut it." He snapped in her direction.

"Oh Jesus Alice," I heard Bella murmur as she pulled her hoodie off. "Shit, you're bleeding." I wasn't able to answer her because she put the hoodie over me and helped Ben get me up off the floor.

The bell ending the school day rang as we were escorted to the office. It was then that I realized why Bella had given me the hoodie. Apparently sometime during the fight, Jessica had managed to successfully rip the buttons clean off the front of my shirt, exposing my bra to the student body.

When Esme got to the school, she was told that I was to receive internal suspension since I acted in self defense, but this was my last warning as they do not condone fighting.

Apparently the school nurse was concerned about the bleeding cut just below my cheekbone. I tried to tell her and Esme that I was fine but they wouldn't take my word for it. So that's why I'm now sitting in the all too familiar ER, waiting for the doc to come in.

"Jasper's not going to be happy that you got into a fight," Bella said from my left as she leaned close to look at the swollen cut.

I rolled my eyes. "He'll agree that the bitch deserved it. He knows what she was doing and everything. And what the hell?! Where does she get off ripping his drawing?!" I growled.

Just then Edward walked through the door, not looking very happy at all. He set the chart down and started examining my face. I hissed through my teeth as he touched closer to the cut.

"I didn't even see the book hit you there." Bella said in a hushed whisper.

"It didn't. This is from her cheap ass stripper nails," I growled.

Edward raised an eyebrow at us. "Hello Bella... Alice..." he finally greeted. It didn't escape my notice that he was sweeter in regards to Bella than to me.

I could see Bella's cheeks tint pink as she gave a shy wave from beside me. "Hi."

"Some bedside manner... now you say hi." I teased him

"I am not very happy with you right now Alice," he said as he reached around behind Bella for something. I saw the small smile the two shared before she looked away bashfully.

"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes at him. "It was self defense."

Bella snorted a laugh. "Only because she threw the book at you..." Her eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. _Damn that girl is weird sometimes._

"You shouldn't let people get under your skin like that." Edward said collecting everything he needed.

I felt my eyebrow shoot up. "So you're telling me that I shouldn't hit her back after she threw a heavy ass book in my face?" I questioned. He sighed before dabbing some anesthetic on my face.

"Either way Alice, you were both in the wrong," Bella tried to reason as she stood up and walked over to put our things in the chair.

I rolled my eyes at her. "You say that because Dr. McHottie is here." Her jaw dropped open as she turned red. I could see the smile playing at Edward's lips as he occupied himself with the suture kit.

"So Edward, what's the damage? Am I'm gonna die from rabies or something?" I asked, breaking the tension. Bella laughed before sitting next to me again, while Edward shook his head.

"You need 3 stitches," he informed.

"Damn... that's nothing," I said ruefully.

"Oh my God," Bella muttered as she shook her head. Edward looked at us questioningly.

"What? Oh come on, three stitches is lame!" I joked.

"You work in the food service industry. You should be grateful that it's only three stitches. I had fourteen on my hand and people at work thought I was nuts for a while." Bella said as she rolled her eyes. I knew she was talking about the scar that started at the heel of her hand and went down to the midpoint of her left arm.

"Oooo… How'd you get that?" I asked excitedly.

She blushed. "I tripped while hiking with some friends."

"You shouldn't go out into the woods unprepared." Edward interjected.

"Oh no, it's not that I wasn't prepared, I'm just a moron and can't walk," she explained with a small smile. "I actually have a first aid kit in my truck and my bag so..." She blushed again before looking down at her hand. "Sorry you didn't ask for that." _Whoa did she ever ramble just then._ I wanted to look away from their exchange but damn it, it was too much fun to watch.

"Well then, maybe you just need someone to catch you when you fall?" He suggested. I felt my eyebrows jump to the ceiling. _Holy fuck is Freak Boy flirting?_

Bella bit into her lip before moving to the other side of the room. Edward put his gloves on, a half smirk placed on his face as he began stitching me up.

"That kind of hurts you know?" I whined. I could hear the muffled sound of Jasper's ringtone singing out from under the pile of bags. "Bella! Purse! It's Jazz!" Bella hurried over to the bags, searching for the phone. I locked eyes with Edward for a moment. He was chewing his lip in nervousness and I knew it had nothing to do with the procedure he was doing.

"Alice Brandon's phone how can I direct your call?" Bella asked smoothly as she answered my phone.

"Bella!" I hissed as I held out my hand expectantly.

"Okay..." she said into the phone before handing it to me.

"Hi Jazzy," I chirped into the phone, smiling. "Ow!" _Okay note to self, don't fucking smile when someone is inserting thread into your cheek._

"Hey baby... you okay?"

"Yeah, I just think Dr. Cullen here didn't use enough Novocain or whatever before stitching me up." I explained as Bella rolled her eyes.

"I used enough," Edward defended.

"Well it hurts."

"Sorry kitten, I'm sure he just doesn't want to overdose you... I wish I could kiss it better."

"Could?" I asked him as my eyebrow quirked up. "As in you won't?"

"No one told you yet?" Jasper asked.

"Told me what?"

"Esme grounded you baby," Jasper said sadly.

_Son of a bitch!_

"What?" I groaned and had to stop myself from slapping my forehead. "She doesn't even know what that skank did! I swear she started it!"

"Uh Alice..." Bella interjected. "I think it might be easier on Edward if you weren't talking..." I glared at her, no way in hell was I gonna hang up now. She held her hands up in a surrendering manor, "Just saying."

Edward looked over his shoulder to look at her. "What are you doing behind me?"

"Staying out of the way?" She squeaked. _Ha! _She was checking out his ass!

"How about you stay quiet for Eddie huh?" Jasper suggested before he started to softly sing 'You are my Sunshine' to me. I bit into my lip to keep the silly grin from stretching across my face. I could feel my face heat up and my heart flutter. I just realized that this was the song he always whistles. That this was the tune he always hums when I'm having a bad dream. I so love this man.

"Well, whatever he said, it shut her up." Bella said in an amused tone. I flipped her off as Jasper started chuckling but kept singing.

"Almost done kids," Edward informed us. _Thank God_, I thought as Bella moved back to sit next to me.

I saw Edward bring the scissors towards my face and shut my eyes tightly. "And done," he said making my eyes snap open. "See Alice… That was easy." He teased while grinning.

Bella snorted. "Because she finally shut up."

"You know what, how about you two have a glass of shut the hell up and make fun of me when I'm not in the room." I huffed at them.

"So tell me what happened kitten." Jasper finally said.

_Shit!_

I sighed. "She threw a book at my head after saying some personal things and did something fucked up. So it was self defense."

"Who was it baby?"

"Jessica," I growled.

"Baby..." He sighed. "I told you stay away from her."

"She's hard to avoid Jazz; she's like the black plague or something. She's in every one of my classes," I added while rolling my eyes. I looked over to see Bella shaking her head at my description of Jessica. She looked up at Edward, I followed her eyes and caught him smiling at her as he cleaned up the suture kit. I raised my eyebrow at Bella asking her what that was about. She just bit her lip and shrugged. Freak Boy was making her a very happy girl. I could tell.

"I know it's hard babe... maybe... I dunno try to switch classes?" Jasper suggested.

"I tried that, but Christina said that based on my scores, if I get placed in a different class it'll be below what I should be in or something," I explained while shrugging.

"Tell him about the drawing Alice," Bella hissed at me. "No!" I mouthed back.

"I dunno what to tell you baby, I don't want this shit to keep up, you know?" I could tell Jasper was genuinely concerned about what the future held when it came to Jessica.

"I know Jazzy... I don't want to disappoint you." I looked over at Edward again who was looking at us with his eyebrow raised. Bella tilted her head at him. I don't know what he was thinking just then, but he gaped at her for a moment before shaking his head.

"You could never disappoint me," Jasper assured me. I just sighed heavily into the phone.

"Tell him," Bella whispered louder as she shoved me slightly. I slapped at her in response.

"What's wrong kitten?" Jasper asked.

Edward came closer to Bella and I watched as her whole body reacted to his. She sat up straighter and seemed to lean into his direction. "What is going on?" He asked her softly.

"I know you don't like me fighting and now with me being grounded I know Esme isn't gonna let me see you." I explained to Jasper. _Sure, that was part of the problem_.

"Apparently Jessica is the daughter of someone Alice knows. So after spilling the past to the entire class she then ripped a picture that Jasper drew..." Bella whispered in a hurry filling Edward in.

"And then she threw the sketch book at me, that fucker is heavy mind you." I explained cutting her off. Bella nodded in agreement. Edward just looked at us wide eyed.

"Wait, what am I missing?" Jasper asked.

_Shit, fuck! Forgot he was listening_.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"And then she threw the sketchbook at you."

"Well she may or may not be Felix's daughter..." I trailed off.

"And told the whole class your history with him," Bella added. I gave her a look that said 'not helping.'

"Thanks Bee I got it." I snapped.

"Took you long enough," she shot back.

I groaned. "So after that she tore something then threw the book at me." Why was I so afraid to tell him that it was his drawing?

"I'm sorry she tore something out of a sketchbook of yours and that she's that ass wipe's daughter..." He sighed.

"It was your picture babe..." I said softly. "Out of the book you got me." I felt the tears prick my eyes. I loved that picture because he drew it from memory, which meant he watched me that first night. That meant a lot to me, call me a sap. I don't care. "I wasn't going to react to her words I swear, but the moment she ripped that, I wanted her blood..." I confessed as I fell back onto the bed. "How pissed is Esme?" I asked tentatively.

"It's okay baby, I can draw you a new one..." _I don't want a new one. _"I already have drawn a few..." _he has? "A_nd I don't think she's pissed, I think she's disappointed."

"I would much rather face a pissed off Esme then a disappointed one..." _I hate disappointing her_.

I could hear Bella snort from besides me. _What the hell is so funny about that?_

"I love you," Jasper said, making me smile.

"Holy… God Alice, close your legs!" I heard Edward stammer out causing Bella to laugh.

I pulled myself back up, flipping Edward off. "I love you too Jasper."

"Damn... Did I miss the peep show?" Jasper teased.

I laughed. "Yeah well, of course I had to get into a fight wearing that white bra that you bought... you know, the world can see all bra?" I said to change the subject off of Edward seeing something he shouldn't.

"Good thing I, unlike you, didn't put my hoodie in the locker before class." Bella teased.

Jasper made a strange groaning sound at the mention of my bra that made me giggle softly. "Sorry babe..." I offered, trying not to laugh more at the situation. Bella just shook her head.

"One week," Jasper said, sounding more like he was reminding himself.

I groaned, realizing that it was going to be a week without being able to see him. "Do you think she's gonna take my phone away?"

"Um... that depends..."

"On?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Are you paying for it?" He asked.

"Yes?"

"She won't take it away then," he said surely with a happy sigh.

"Thank God." I breathed. Bella covered her mouth to hide her giggles. She knew why I would be upset over my phone being taken away.

"I expect nude pictures," Jasper said.

_Duh!_

"Got to make the week go by faster somehow right?"

"Oh for the love of God..." Bella muttered as she hopped off the bed. "I'm getting a drink."

"Um, I'll show you where the vending machines are." Edward offered as he followed behind her.

"Finally some privacy!" I called out as the door closed, laughing as Bella flipped me off through the window in the door. "So how was your day good lookin'?" I asked Jasper.

"Okay..."

"Just okay?"

"Well, it was good till my mom came in to tell me that I wasn't gonna get any more visits from my Alice." I could hear the pout in his voice.

"I'm sorry Jazzy."

"It's okay, I understand."

"If I could go back I never would have taken the book out to show Bella the drawing of her and Ed."

"You drew something of her and Ed?" He asked intrigued.

"I did," I confirmed, smiling.

"Interesting... And they left together huh?" I nodded in response. "Alice? Did she leave him in the room with you?" He asked sounding irritated.

_Shit, he can't see you nod stupid!_ I thought as I smacked myself in the forehead. "No, sorry Jazzy. You're right, they left together."

I heard him sigh. "'Kay good... I just don't like him being around you..."

I chewed my lip. There was the confirmation to what Edward said would happen. "I understand," I said softly. And I did. He had every right to not want me around Edward.

"How is our place coming?" Jasper asked changing the subject.

"Great! The last of the new furniture showed up and I got the rest of the dishes for the kitchen. It probably won't be all done now with me being grounded." I was disappointed that I might not be able to get the hand painted mural done before he comes home.

"I'm sure she'll figure something out."

"I hope so."

"Everything will be fine baby," Jasper assured me.

"Well if you think so, how can I doubt you?" I asked him with a smile. Bella opened the door, popping her head in.

"Uh Al, it's time for you to go. Esme just called Edward." She gave me a worried look.

"Shit... Jazzy, I gotta go. I think it's time to face the music with Esme..."

"I'm sure it will be okay... talk to you later on?"

"Yep," I chirped making sure to pop the p. "I'll call you tonight, before bed as always."

"Good... I miss you already baby."

"I miss you too Jazzy. I love you."

"I love you too... Behave," he teased.

"I don't know what you mean. I'm an angel," I sassed back. _Although… The idea of him spanking me was tempting._

Bella was grabbing our things and shaking her head. I could hear her mutter something but I choose to ignore her.

"Be good, listen to Esme, she's only worried about you, you know?" Jasper asked.

"I know Jasper. I'll call you to tell you how much shit I'm in."

"'Kay baby, I'll be in the gym after dinner till about nine... call me then?"

"It's a date."

"Bye baby." I said my goodbyes back before giving him a kiss through the phone. I heard him chuckle as he ended the call and snapped my phone closed.

"Did you seriously just kiss your phone?" Bella asked handing me my purse.

"Fuck off, just watch, you'll be doing that to Edward soon."

"Right and you are a psychic vampire."

"Well you're half right," I teased with a wink.

---------

Yep. I was grounded. Who knew that parents still did that? Jasper was right though. Not only was I not allowed to visit him for the remainder of the week; I was not allowed to hang out with Bella after school. The laptop that Emmett had gotten me was to stay down stairs in the study – A.K.A. Esme's office – where she could monitor if I was truly working or not. I was only allowed to leave the Cullen residence for school and work. The only thing not taken away was my cell. Jasper, again, was right. Since I was paying the bill, it was my responsibility.

Well since I was grounded, I made a call to my boss Kim to let her know that I was available to work three hours earlier than scheduled if she needed me. She looked over the schedule and decided to have me come in early on Thursday and Friday, saying that it would be good for me to earn some extra money.

After talking to Esme, we came to an agreement that on the days I worked after school, I could go to the apartment. It only seemed logical, since the apartment was located halfway between the two. But again, Bella was not allowed to come over and hang out.

Tuesday after school Esme and I went to the apartment. The cable company was coming out to install and needed us to be there. Granted I don't think I would want them in there alone either, not after I'd seen just how much Esme was willing to spend to give Jasper a 'fresh start'. This also gave me an opportunity to work on the field of sunflowers I wanted to add to wall under the bay window in the living room.

Once my homework was finished, I outlined the field with pencil. The colors of the sunflowers would jump out in contrast to the vibrant blue the wall was painted. Once I was done with the outline I started at it. I knew the color of the flowers would bring brightness to the corner, much like the bay window does to the living room, but it needed something else.

After a quick dinner, Esme went back to work tiling the bathroom as I headed back to my painting. That's when it hit me. It needed a personal touch. This area meant the most to me, it was where I saw Jasper at his worst and he accepted what I can do. This was our corner. So there amongst the field of bright sunflowers, laid a white rabbit cuddled up to a little black kitten.

----

I felt a little guilty about lying to Esme about my schedule for today. But I really wanted to see if I could pull something off before Jasper got home and with him being released on Monday that gave me about five days.

I asked Bella to meet us at our morning meeting place an hour after school and to dress as if she were a college student. It took me forty-five minutes to complete my ensemble; making sure my hair, make-up and outfit was perfect.

When I got to the coffee shop Bella was standing outside in her baggy jeans, tee shirt and flannel over shirt. I rolled my eyes as I approached. "I thought the grunge look died with Nirvana?" I teased.

"Um, first, ouch, Pearl Jam keeps it alive and well, thank you very much. And second, this is college looking. College kids normally can't afford to look like they walked off the cover of a magazine." She said waving her hand in my direction.

I pointed ahead of us. "Phase one is to be completed at the corner store." I told her.

"Phase one?"

I sighed and nodded. "Most convenience stores will I.D. you if you try to buy cigarettes."

"We're buying Jasper cigarettes?" She asked clearly confused.

I laughed. "No. I'm buying them to see if I get carded." She raised an eyebrow at me. "If I can convince a store clerk I'm at least eighteen, I should have no problems at the tattoo shop."

She stopped walking. "Wait, so you're asking me to help you commit several crimes with you?"

I turned and walked back to her. "No. I asked you if you wanted to see what it was like to get a tattoo today. You said yes. That's what we're gonna do." She looked at me skeptically. I sighed, "I'm not forcing you to come with me. You're free to go home Bee. I have to do this. I want to do this."

"Why?" She asked.

I just shook my head. "If I can get the smokes I'll tell you why." I grabbed her hand and started pulling her towards the corner store.

When we got to the store the guy working there couldn't be much older than Jasper. That might work to my advantage. Bella wandered off to the coolers to grab some drinks while I walked determinedly to the counter.

"Afternoon," the clerk Richie – according to his name tag – greeted me.

"Hey," I replied. "Can I get a pack of Marlboro Menthols, box and then what ever my girl's getting?" I asked. He looked me over once and I could see him bite his lip before he looked at the rack above him.

"Your girl huh?" He asked finally as he scanned the cigarettes. I nodded and pulled out the twenty I'd stashed in my bra, watching him slyly as his eyes locked onto where my hand was.

"Yep, my girl," I purred. Bella came over and set the sodas on the counter looking like a nervous wreck. "Babe, why don't you get some chocolate bars to melt for later?" I winked at her hopping she'd play along.

I watched as the recognition quickly washed across her face before she smirked at me. "Nice try. It's my turn to torture you tonight and it ain't gonna be with chocolate." She said before winking at Richie.

His cheeks flushed red as he stammered out our total. I fought really hard not to giggle as he tried to get my change. I blew him a kiss before saying goodbye and exited the store with Bella holding my hand.

Phase one was a success.

Once we were a safe distance from the store we started laughing and only then did Bella's face turn red.

"I think he only bought that 'cause you were showing your boobs off and being a lesbian."

I laughed and shrugged. "Either way I didn't get carded, which is very favorable for me."

"How did you know to do that? I mean you asked for them like a pro."

Again I shrugged. "I used to go to the store with a friend and listened to how he bought them." Bella nodded in understanding as we got to the front of the tattoo shop.

Something about the name seemed oddly familiar but I couldn't place it. Shaking it off, we both headed inside. I recognized the music playing; it was an older Tool album, one I used to know pretty well. As we looked around Bella seemed fascinated by the various designs hanging on the wall.

"Hey that's like yours," she said, pointing to a drawing of goth girl on her knees.

"Huh, must be a typical type of work," I shrugged. "Besides, mine has-"

"Purple wings," a male voice said from behind us, making Bella squeak in surprise and me freeze. "That design is one of a kind and the only person to have done got the purple wings added. But I'm guessing you knew that."

I turned to see the warm blue eyes of my old friend Ernie. "Ern!" I squealed before hugging him.

He laughed and hugged me back. "Hi ya pixie! Surprised to see you here."

"Me? You were in Redding last I saw you. What the fuck are you doing in Seattle?"

He smiled. "I have a partner. I now have three shops in the Pacific Northwest." He said proudly. I heard Bella clear her throat and I laughed.

"Sorry, Bella this is my old friend Ernie. He's the one that got me here. Ernie this is my best friend Bella."

Ernie reached his hand out to shake Bella's. "Bella, a pleasure. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your name…"

"Italian for beautiful. Yeah, but my name is Isabella, I prefer the shorter version." She explained as if she'd heard it before.

"Bella suits you, Isabella seems old fashioned?"

Bella nodded, "I suppose."

"So Ern, feel like working on an old friend?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows at him.

"You eighteen yet Pix?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on. I'll pay you and everything."

He laughed and waved us to follow him. He led us back to a room and told me to sit in the chair. Bella sat off to the side and winced a little when she saw the gun.

"It doesn't hurt Bee," I laughed.

"Looks like it does." She commented.

"So what are we doing Pix?" Ernie asked.

"I want an outline of a heart behind my right ear." I told him. He raised his eyebrow over the thin wire frames of his glasses at me and shook his head. "Paying customer," I reminded him.

"Is this for some boy?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Jasper is not some boy, Ernie."

"You know how I feel about them Pix, I don't like doing those."

"I'm not asking for Jasper's name on my ass. I'm asking for a heart behind my right ear. B.F.D."

"What happens when you and Jasper break up Pix? How you gonna explain the heart to the next one?" He challenged.

"That she likes hearts?" Bella suggested, making me glare at her and Ernie laugh.

I snapped my head in Ernie's direction. "Jasper and I will not break up. He is my soul-mate Earnest. He's the one I've drawn since I was sixteen, _before_ I even knew he existed."

Ernie seemed to think it over some before putting his gloves on. I clapped happily and straddled the chair, making sure to lean forward for him.

"Does he at least treat you good?" He asked as he prepped the gun.

"Yep. Offered me a place to stay after he realized I was living on the streets." I heard Ernie make a grunt sound. "Stop being over protective Ern, you did the same thing."

"I was also married." He objected. "Hold your ear for me." I did as he asked, folding it over. "Uh, Pix. You want it inside the hickey or around it?" he asked.

Bella snorted, "Told you so!"

"Around please."

"What else does he do that shows he treats you well?" Ernie asked before turning the gun on. I waited until I felt the needle pierce the skin before answering.

"Well, there's the whole giving me a place to stay, making sure I'm fed and clean."

"Smart ass." I heard Ernie say over the buzzing of the gun.

"He takes care of me, Ern. Before he even really knew me, he protected me. He's taken me to a doctor to get treatment when I was sick. He helped me recover from injuries. Hell, he and his family are helping me continue my education while fighting to keep me away from Jorge and James."

"Have they found you?" I knew that question was coming next. Ernie knew about my family.

"Yeah, Jorge demanded that I came home to him. Esme and Carlisle are fighting it." I heard Bella gasp and I looked over in her direction, apologizing with my eyes for not telling her.

"And your mom?" Ernie asked.

"Still alive, thankfully. But Jorge had her declared unfit. So now he's in control of all of my family's assets and stuff."

"Shit Pix, I'm sorry. I know your dad worked hard for that house and shit."

"Yeah. Knowing that rat bastard, he probably sold it. He knew when I was eighteen I'd want it."

"Wait you have a house?" Bella asked.

I sighed as Ernie gently wiped over his work. "My mom must have transferred everything my dad left for her into my name after I left," I explained, as I hissed at the discomfort behind my ear. "Including the Brandon family home in Mississippi."

"Sorry Pix, tell lover boy to stop sucking on you and it wouldn't hurt as much." Ernie teased before filling the gun again.

"Fuck you," I laughed.

"Do you love him Pix?" Ernie asked.

"More than life it's self," I told him honestly. He seemed happy with that response.

I zoned out as he continued to work, vaguely hearing him answer Bella's questions about tattoos. It wasn't until I heard him snapping the gloves off that I realized he was done.

"Want to see it Pix or leave it a surprise for lover boy only to see?"

"Jazzy, Ernie. His name is Jazzy."

He laughed handing me a mirror to hold. I could see the reflection of the mirror in his hand bounce back at me. There surrounding the strawberry mark that seemed to be Jasper's favorite place was the black outline of heart with purple shadowing.

"It's perfect Ern." I said looking back at him and smiling.

"You better bring him in Pix. I have to make sure he's worth it."

That made me grin wider. "I know Ernie. I promise, one day we'll come in and you can meet him."

He smiled back before looking at Bella. "See you in a few days?" She nodded. He looked back at me. "I'm glad you survived Pix, I was worried." I nodded at him and watched as he left the room.

-------

Monday morning came way too fast in my opinion. I couldn't sleep last night and when I finally did, it was like the alarm went off as soon as my eye lids closed. Esme informed me that she was taking me to school before she and Carlisle went to pick up Jasper. Meaning I had to stay at school, all day, while he was alone.

Apparently, I'm still grounded until three o'clock.

This fucking sucks.

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	21. Welcome Home

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight; we just play with the characters.**

**A/N: Robs:** Alrighty, here is JPOV and guess what? He's out!!! Alrighty so** Warning for this chapter:** there is Anal play, if it squicks you out you can skip it. I have it marked with *!*!*!*!* and ended with *!*!*!*... now that being said, enjoy :D .

**K:** So two weeks later and look we're still alive! ;) NaNoWriMo is kicking our butts, but we're still trying to get stuff out for ya. Um... whatelse *taps chin* OH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAYDREAMINGAWAY :P

Special thanks to everyone who helped me while writing this and of course our beta Amber; we love you.

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_Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule. ~Frederick W. Robertson _

**Chapter 20: Welcome Home**

My palms were sweaty and my hands were shaking. I was going home; for the first time in two months. And frankly, the thought both made me elated and scared shitless.

I was going to be home, with nothing stopping me from scoring a rock. Back to the shadow people, my nightmares, my family and the best thing my life had to offer, Alice. It had been a week since I had touched her, smelled her or kissed her. Dear God, I had missed her.

I politely said goodbye to the staff and the two friends I had gained here, Peter and Hurley. Hurley was stuck here until he was 'cured' and Peter had another week, so he was pretty excited too and exchanged numbers with me so we could get together for dinner or something. I got hooked up with a guy named Ray, he was to be my 'sponsor' and I was told about NA meetings I could attend if I was having a hard time resisting my craving.

After that, I was free and heading home in the backseat of the Mercedes while Carlisle was driving and Esme was holding his hand in the front seat. I wished Alice could've been there, but I knew she had to be in school. I wanted her to do well and graduate and do everything and anything she wanted to do.

I leaned back in my seat and thought about all the things we'd been through during the past five months. I could see the changes in me and I even saw them in her; and it wasn't just the physical things. Alice definitely looked healthier, certain parts of her anatomy were larger, but she also smiled easier and seemed more carefree now. It made me happy to think I was the cause of that, somehow I had made her happy, healthy and feel safe.

When I got home I wanted nothing more than to spend the day with Alice, but I was told she was at school and would probably be home around three. So I guess there was nothing to do but wait for Alice to come home and to cook dinner for her. Anything, but think about getting high, _fuck, Jasper, don't think about it._

When I walked into my apartment I almost walked right back out, it looked so different. They painted, they added furniture and while I had known all about it before, it looked completely different and I wasn't entirely expecting _that…_ how different it all looked. There were even rugs on the floor and new kitchen stuff. I walked around, taking everything in and noticing that the bedroom seemed unfinished, like it was only painted and that was about it. _Wait… Alice had told me that it was only partially done._

Once I was done I noticed Esme had brought me over some of my books from their house, which was nice of her. I found a book to occupy my time until I was ready go to the store and pick up food for dinner, maybe I'd cook her dinner and make it a special night tonight.

At about two I left to shop, determined to find a nice ready-bake pizza, soda and salad for tonight. Once I found a good one I thought she'd like, I dealt with the obvious come-on's from the cashier and walked home, enjoying the sea breeze that had picked up. I noticed the dark clouds rolling in, signaling that rain was on the forecast for the night. Maybe I should pick up wood for the fireplace.

After picking up wood that was supposed to be 'easy start' at the corner store I walked up the three floors to our apartment, hoping to god she was already home. Unfortunately she wasn't, but that gave me time to put everything away and mope on the couch for a minute or two. I looked at the mural she had obviously worked very hard on under the bay window. She did a really good job and I laughed as I noticed the white rabbit cuddling with a little black kitten, _was it possible she always saw me as her white rabbit? _

I heard the lock turn and had to stop myself from running to the door and pinning her against it, _fuck I missed her way too much. _I steadied myself to walk over to her at an acceptable pace, letting myself be obvious in the way I checked her out and smiled my approval as she tossed her backpack to the ground in the foyer. She looked really hot in that uniform.

"Jazzy you're home!" She squealed, breaking into a run and grinning like a fool as she jumped into my arms. I caught her and grinned back what I hoped was an equally impressive grin. "I missed you!" she squeaked between kisses.

"I missed you too," I manage to get out laughing a little at her enthusiasm.

"When did you get here? Where you here alone long? Did you see what we did? Do you like it?" She asked in a rush.

"About ten-thirty, yeah, but I went out and got us dinner and firewood for the fire 'cause it looks like it's gonna rain and I wanna snuggle, yes and yes." I answered, grinning at her.

She squeaked happily and blushed, "I get to sleep in your arms again…" She kissed me, firm on the mouth. I couldn't let her go with just chaste kisses; I finally plundered her mouth with my tongue, holding her tight as she kissed me back eagerly. I broke away before my lust clouded brain convinced me to take her on the couch and hugged her tightly.

"Thank fuck!" I had missed holding her at night. She giggled and hugged me tighter; I could tell she felt absolutely euphoric, "I hope you know that I am keeping my promise from a week ago." I informed her.

She bit back a grin, "Good."

I cupped her butt cheeks under her skirt and squeezed for emphasis, "You look really good baby."

"Well I made a little effort 'cause I knew my man was coming home today," she giggled while smirking at me. My eyes scanned her face; I then noticed the small stitched cut just under her cheekbone. Remembering how I told her I wished I could kiss it and make it better I placed a gentle kiss on it.

"That bitch still bothering you?" Her smiled dropped as I asked that and she shook her head.

"No. This was her first day back since the fight…" she shrugged, "we'll see."

"She better not bother you," I warned, kissing the stitches once again.

She wrinkled her nose, "Yeah cause I can't fight back this time. I promised I wouldn't, since ladies aren't supposed to fight," she chewed her lip.

_I raised an eyebrow, not even to defend themselves? _"I'll have someone close to her kick her ass if she does."

"I can fight my own battles Jazzy. Perhaps kill her with kindness," she gave me a rather sweet smile, which looked evil if you ask me.

I kissed her, "Yes," then gave her three more peck kisses.

She pulled back smiling as she brushed the stray locks of hair out of my face. "So what's for dinner good lookin'?"

"Pizza, a salad," I wrinkled my nose, "and Pepsi."

She laughed, "Salad huh?"

"For you... and they served it at the cafeteria, so I guess I've gotten used to eating it."

She bit into her bottom lip and noticeably checked me out before asking, "And for dessert?"

I smirked at her, "Cuddling...by the fireplace." _Maybe a little __**more**__ than cuddling._

She wrapped her arms around my neck, humming appreciatively. "I like that idea."

"So did you have plans for my first day out?"

"Yes actually." She dropped herself to the ground and walked into the kitchen, curious I followed. Once she reached the phone on the wall she unplugged the phone cord.

_Damn I was hoping for whipped cream again,_ I smirked. "Nothing else huh?"

She smiled, "Just you…" She wrapped her arms around me, "And me."

I hugged her to me and planted a kiss in her hair, "I like that."

She tilted her head to look up at me. "And some other surprises, but they can wait," she gave me a devilish grin.

I smiled lazily at her, "You are such a little minx."

"You love it."

"Yes I do," I agreed, making her smile warmly. "So do you have any homework?"

Her bottom lip jutted out, "Yes. I have some history work to do."

I reached down and patted her shapely rear a little, "You gotta do your homework now so I can play with you after dinner."

"With that as incentive how am I ever going to focus?" She asked in a teasing manner.

"Because if you do a good job I'll give you a treat," I waggled my tongue at her in a suggestive manner; she bit back a grin and nodded in response. Good to know we were on the same page. I turned her around and smacked her ass rather hard to get her to head towards the dining room, "Want anything to drink?" I asked as I ran to grab her bag from the foyer.

"Um, ice water please?" She called from the dining room.

I jogged over to her and handed her the bag before getting into the cabinet that normally held our glasses and pulled out a glass with sunflowers decorating it, "You got new glasses?" I asked her.

"Uh, yeah," she responded from the next room. "Your mom thought we might like having a matching set... Is it too girly?" she sounded worried.

"No, it's cute," I chuckled as I filled the glass with ice cubes and then water. Sunflowers were so Alice, not really my sort of thing, come on, do I look like a hearts and flowers kind of guy to you? But it was sweet for her.

"'Kay," she chirped, I heard a gentle thud of her placing her books on the table. "I felt weird getting stuff like that without you."

I shrugged as I made my way to where she was, "I have no style."

"But it's _our _home you know? I didn't want to make it too girly," she laughed slightly.

"It isn't…" I reiterated, handing her the glass of water and leaned against the table next to her.

"'Kay," she reached up and placed a soft kiss on my lower lip.

"I am gonna go take a jog okay?" I wasn't having a craving yet, but I was afraid with boredom it would lead to one, so I decided to keep myself occupied.

She nodded, "Yeah... will you have your phone?" I nodded to answer her. "'Kay... I love you," she smiled.

I leaned down and kissed her once again before leaving, "I love you too."

----

I ran for about an hour; a few miles away, and then back. All while concentrating on my breathing pattern and where my feet were landing. By the time I got home I was damn near exhausted from the physical exertion, I trudged my way back up the steps and when I walked through the door Alice told me she wasn't finished yet. I grunted in response and decided to shower really fast so I could get all the sweat off me.

Once I was finished, I realized I had forgotten to grab a change of clothes before showering so I ran to the bedroom in just a towel earning an appreciative wolf whistle as I ran to the bedroom. I dressed in sweatpants and a white tee-shirt before walking back out looking for my Alice. I found her, not in the kitchen like had she been when she whistled at me, but back in the dining room, putting her books away in her bag.

"Did you have a nice run?" She asked innocently, bending over so I got a nice peep show of her cleavage.

"Yeah it was nice," I adjusted my dick in the sweats so that it wasn't protruding so much.

I noticed that she was watching me as I adjusted myself before she looked up and smirked, "And had a relaxing shower?"

"I smell better if that is what you're askin'," I teased, she shook her head at me while smiling, "Wanna smell?" I offered.

She closed her bag and laid it next to the table leg. "No… but I want a kiss," she jutted out her bottom lip. She looked adorable; I had to kiss her, so I did. I felt the vibration of her humming and smiled as she ran her fingers along the waistband of my sweats. "I think someone wants to say hi," her sing song voice carrying up from my lips.

"After dinner," I murmured.

"When's dinner again?" She asked, grinning at me.

"As soon as it's cooked," I straightened myself out.

"Smart ass…" She smirked, "I'm gonna go get out of my uniform. How about you get dinner started there handsome."

I waggled my eyebrows at her, "You gonna eat naked?"

She laughed, "Nope. You don't get to see this body naked until later," she rubbed up against me as she walked away, swaying her hips deliberately as she walked towards our bedroom.

"Tease," I called after her.

She glanced over her shoulder at me as I stood in the archway, "Only for you babe." Then she walked into the bedroom and closed the door. Damn it, now all I can think about is her naked, which was not helping things in my pants. Maybe I should cook the damn pizza, I thought as I moved around the kitchen pulling out the new round baking sheet and putting the pizza on it, then placing it in the oven to cook.

Then, mainly because I had nothing else to do I started to clean the already clean countertops. She came in just as I was tossing the dirty rag into the washer and I gripped the counter to stop myself from tackling her and ravishing her on the floor. She was standing on her toes, hanging her keys up on the hook and making her partially exposed ass cheeks flex, "Nice ass baby."

She looked at me over her shoulder and wiggled her ass in my direction. "Thanks babe," she said as I walked over to her and smacked her ass hard making her squeak and jump. "Babe, do you want me to set the table or do you want to relax on the couch?"

I licked my lips, _I wanted to relax with my dick in her mouth, whoa little Jasper, fall back. _"The couch," _why not, it's my first day back. _

Her smile lit up her face, "'Kay. I'm gonna turn some music on," she kissed me before leaving the kitchen. Did she have to wear clothing that revealed so much during dinner, damn I cannot think straight with that much blood traveling to my dick.

I busied myself by getting the plates out of the cabinet, noticing that the dishes were bright white and there were no scratches on the surface of the plate, "Man y'all went all out, huh?" I heard a light classical melody filter towards me.

"Yeah, Esme said we needed a fresh start," she called back.

"I like it."

I felt her arms wrap around me and her face touch my back. "Good, I'm glad."

"I've missed this," I whispered, putting my hand on hers.

"Me too," she murmured into my shirt. I poured the bagged salad onto each of our plates and then mentally backslapped myself for forgetting the one thing that makes salad edible.

"Um… I forgot dressing."

She giggled, "It's okay babe, I have some Italian seasoning I can make," she unwrapped her arms and moved to the other side of the kitchen, pulling out a stool and standing on her toes to reach up and grab a packet of something. I wrapped my arms around her and ground myself into her ass making her giggle some more before I just watched her make the dressing. "Can you hand me the vinegar?" I moved away from her to grab it and hand it to her. How can one girl look so sexy while cooking is beyond me. She thanked me before putting everything into a bottle and shaking it up.

Deciding to put myself to use rather than just stand there, I pulled the pizza out of the oven and let it cool for a minute before searching through the drawers for my pizza cutter. "There's a pizza cutter in that drawer…" She informed me, pointing to the drawer opposite to where I was standing; I grabbed it and grinned stupidly at her.

"You want Pepsi right?" she asked as she made her way to the fridge.

"Yep," I started cutting the pizza carefully to keep the pieces even.

"'Kay," she responded, bending over so when I looked over my shoulder I got a nice eye full. _Very nice._

"How many pieces do you want?" My voice sounded huskier than I intended, _damn shorts. _

"Umm… Two?" I think she may have noticed. I set the plates up and then followed her out to the living room, setting everything up so we could sit next to each other. _I'd missed this._

"It smells really good Jazzy," she said, settling down next to me.

"I hope it's good." I smiled at her, "it's my first real meal in two months."

She gave me a small smile, "Well I learned some new recipes, so you might be spoiled here shortly," she winked.

"I like being spoiled."

"Good," she giggled.

"You gonna sit next to me?"

She smiled at me and snuggled closer to me, "Of course silly man," she said as I wrapped my arm around her and began eating.

"So how is work?"

"Good," she smiled. "I like it and my co-workers and boss are nice too. I actually have this week off," she smiled at me. "Kim was uh... understanding when I asked for the week off."

I smiled at her happiness at work, "Good I am glad. I start on Wednesday."

"Are you nervous?"

"A little bit," I smiled nervously at her.

"I think you'll do fine," she reassured me.

I stabbed at my salad; I wish I could believe that. "I am glad you think so."

"Relax Jazzy, you'll do fine. If I can survive the hell that is high school, this will be a cake walk for you," she teased, sticking her tongue out at me.

"You'd like to think that huh?" The fact of the matter was I didn't know how well I was going to do without being able to get high. And then, there was the fact that I'm a completely different person when I'm sober.

"We're not just talking about work anymore huh?" she asked.

"What do you think we're talking about baby?" I asked her gently.

She paused for a moment, "Life after rehab?"

"Yeah, I dunno if you'll like me... you know," I shrugged, looking away from her, "the real me."

"I love you Jasper. I don't think there's anything you could do that would make me leave you."

I looked at her, "You say that now," I didn't mean to sound like an asshole; I was just trying to be honest. Would she really like the shy, quiet, wounded bookworm?

She pulled the fork out of my hand and crawled into my lap, straddling me so she could look into my eyes. "Babe, I'm not gonna lie and say this is gonna be easy. I mean we started when we were at our worst," she gave me a rather pathetic smile. "But I know I can't live without you Jazzy…"

"I can't live without you either," I admitted.

"Promise me you won't keep me in the dark when a craving hits or something 'kay? I want to help you, you know." She chewed her lip in a worried manner.

"Okay baby, I'll try…" I cupped her cheek, and smiled as she leaned into my touch. "I wanna be a better man for you."

"I just want you to be you."

I smiled at that, "I can do that, we should eat before I take you right here," make that a bookworm with a slight sex addiction.

"Or… I could feed you 'cause I don't wanna move just yet."

I gave her a lazy smile, "Yeah you can feed me, I won't mind." She laughed at my response as she reached behind her for my plate. "Can I feed you too?" I asked, instinctively reaching for hers, she blushed and nodded. How did she turn that into something sexual? "You're really beautiful you know that?"

"Thank you," she said, smiling shyly at me. I smiled at her as I ripped a piece of pizza apart and fed it to her, taking turns being fed and feeding each other. It was quite relaxing and oddly natural feeling. We sat there in silence; feeding each other and laughing a little for awhile, until she began sucking my fingers a little longer than necessary after each bite.

"So… is the sucking my fingers thing supposed to be purely a cleaning off thing?" I asked. She nodded her head slightly, continuing to suck greedily as she hummed a yes. I felt my cock twitch a little in response to the humming. "It's uhh," I cleared my throat, "arousing."

She wiggled in my lap, "I know."

I tickled her sides a little, making her laugh and wiggle more, "You're just a minx aren't you?"

"No!" She protested, giggling.

I stopped tickling her, "Insatiable?"

"Not really. Just missed the fuck out of you and our little world we have," she leaned forward and kissed me.

"I did too... picture messages are just not enough." Nor are they big enough to do anything justice.

"Nope. And sleeping in your bed wasn't the same either."

I tilted my head, "Why not?"

"'Cause you weren't there…" She admitted softly.

"I know the feeling," I kissed her quickly to make her smile.

"And I was scared," she whispered.

"Of what?"

"They know I was at your parents' house…"

"Who?"

She paused for a minute, "Jorge and James."

_Holyfuckingshit and I wasn't there?! Fuckfuckfuck._ I stopped mentally berating myself to ask, "Um, did my dad get rid of them?"

She nodded, "Yeah, Carlisle and Esme got a letter demanding they return me to Jorge... that's what sparked the fostering thing. Esme said that they'll never know I live here with you... but I can't say I didn't have that creeped out, someone's watching me vibe…"

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you baby," I pulled her closer to me.

"That's part of the reason why I didn't tell you until now. But now you're here... in our home... Hell I think we need to celebrate happier things," she smirked at me.

I still felt bad but I couldn't help but also feel elated to be with her now, "Hell yeah."

"You done with dinner babe?"

"Yep," I popped the p.

She gave me that sunshine like grin of hers, "Okay then. I'll go clean up if you light the fire?"

Two wardrobe changes in one night, well, the way this was progressing she'd eventually end up naked and I had no problem with that. I nodded and said, "Okay."

With that she crawled off my lap, collecting the dishes as she went and jogging over to the kitchen before heading towards the bedroom. I, on the other hand, approached the fireplace and fiddled with it for awhile to get the screen off, opened the chute and placed the quick start log in, setting it alight.

After I managed to replace the screen and wash my hands, Alice poked her head out of the bathroom. "Ready for your next surprise babe?"

"Yes?"

She laughed a little and walked out of the bathroom. _Someone had definitely gone shopping, _lace and see through lingerie looks really fucking good on my girl. She leaned against the wall near our bedroom with her hands behind her back, displaying what that little dress wanted displayed prominently.

"Hi," she purred then bit her lip. _Fuck Jasper, put your tongue back in your mouth!_

"Hi," I greeted rather lamely.

"Got that fire going babe?" I forced my head up and then back down as she sashayed towards me. "So do you like?"

"What's not to like?"

"Well... the color could be wrong…" _Nope, white looks really fucking good on you._ "Or maybe my hair doesn't look right styled like this…"

I cut her off, "You look fucking hot, shut up." She bit her lip, smiling at me. "Well don't shut up, just stop taking trash about yourself."

"I wasn't," she challenged.

I made quotations with my fingers, "The color doesn't look good on me."

"I said it could be. I was simply answering your question." She stood in front of me.

"It was a rhetorical question," she rolled her eyes at my response. "Turn," I demanded, she did, keeping her hands balled up behind her back. I could see through the skirt enough to see the little lacy panties, _fuck she looked hot. _I stopped her from moving for a moment and lifted up the back of the dress to kiss her still perfect back dimples and squeeze her ass hard enough to earn a squeak. "So when did you go shopping?"

"A week ago," she responded quickly.

I smirked, "Sooo... you bought this for nighttime wear?"

She nodded, "Or before bed wear," she said cheekily.

"Why do you have your hands in a fist?"

"'Cause there's more to this outfit…" More? I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Well... kinda more to the overall surprise…"

I waited for a moment to see if she would continue, but it seems that she was purposely being evasive. "Like?" I pressed.

Her cheeks flushed a brilliant shade of red, "Why don't you look for yourself?"

I opened her fisted hands and saw a bottle of lubricant. Interesting. "Um lube? Do I not make you wet anymore Kitten?"

"Oh no babe, no problem there... I just thought since you said you wanted to," she trailed off, her face getting even redder.

I tilted my head to try to figure out what she was saying to me, "Wanted to... What?"

"You know… play with my…" she mumbled then dropped her voice to a whisper and said, "ass." I dropped the bottle of lube out of shock and gaped at her for a few minutes while she looked at me confused. This was quite the surprise.

"Are you sure baby?" I asked in a near whisper, she nodded. I suddenly became nervous, I had never done this particular act with anyone I cared for before. Granted, I had imagined it was Alice I was with a few times. "Did you... you know, read up and stuff? Make an informed decision?"

She wrapped her arms lightly around my neck. "Of course. But I want to try it Jasper... my body is yours," she looked up at me lovingly, a look I could never deny.

"I really want to with you too, but I don't want to hurt you," I admitted.

She reached up and placed a kiss on my jaw. "Maybe we should have a code or safe words? Like if I need you to stop I can say the word… or in your case if you feel yourself slipping out of control, you can say yours to warn me... and I can try relaxing?"

I think someone has read too much about deviant sexual acts, I smirked a little at her, "You don't think 'no' could work for you?"

She gave me an amused smile, "Perhaps a safe word as back-up then?"

"Okay," I decided to humor her, "What shall they be my love?" I asked as I pulled her into a sitting position with me, her straddling my lap once again.

"Well from what I know, these words should be something we don't use a lot even in normal conversation."

I chuckled at her, "Okay yours should definitely be 'no' then."

She laughed and pushed me backwards into the rug. "Oh yeah mister smart ass and what should yours be?" she challenged.

I actually put a little bit of thought into it, "Something alcoholic…"

"Whiskey?" She offered. _What my father drank. Perfect. _I gave her a rather sharp little nod of the head in agreement. "You okay Jazzy?" She asked as she put her hand on my cheek.

"Yeah I'm fine baby. I am gonna do something with you I've wanted to do for awhile so... why not be happy eh?" I grinned at her.

She smiled happily right back, "Exactly."

I reached over and felt around for the plastic bottle and gripped it tightly in my hand once I found it, "Sooo... Bedroom?" I wanted her to be comfortable during this.

"What about the fire?" She asked, just as I heard the first droplets of rain hit the windowpane.

"We have all night... Do you have any tests or anything tomorrow?" _Because there was no way in hell she was going to feel like going to school tomorrow. _

She shook her head, "Nope."

"You're gonna take a sick day tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded, "'Kay."

With the affirmation I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. "I love you Mary Alice."

"I love you Jasper Cullen," and the look in her eyes as she said it left no doubt in my mind that she meant it.

***!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!***

I laid her in the middle of the bed and knelt over her letting my eyes once again travel over her pretty lingerie covered body. "This is gonna have to go," I said as I pulled on a piece of white lace.

She nodded and shifted to help me remove it, leaving her naked. _God, I'd missed this. _She reached up to pull my shirt off and then I felt her push my sweat pants down, her warm hands sliding over my skin. It felt fucking awesome.

Once all our clothes were on the floor and I was kissing my way down her body I really felt like I was home, finally where I was meant to be, with my Alice in my arms… naked and wiggling under me. I was the luckiest man in the whole world. I ran my fingers over her, teasing her clit a little before I slid them through her folds. She was so hot and wet for me. I kissed and nipped my way back up to her ear, "Where's your bullet baby?"

Alice started to get up, but I held her down and reached for where she was pointing. I found it in the drawer beside the bed. I gave her the remote so she could control the speed and I held the business end to her, coating it in her juices. I felt her turn it on and she immediately started to grind into my hand, pushing herself against the vibrating bullet.

"Does that feel good Kitten?" She nodded, making hot little moaning noises that went straight to my dick.

"God, I wanna fuck you Alice…" _I always wanted to fuck her. _I pushed myself between her legs from behind, moving against her easily. She was so wet for me the head of my cock slid inside her accidentally, she moaned and I pumped her hard a few times before I pulled out and added even more lubricant from the bottle. I wanted her completely slick to make this as easy as possible on her, I really didn't want to hurt her, but now that she had offered herself to me in this way, I wanted to fuck her ass so bad I felt like I was going to explode. I don't know why I found this so fucking erotic… I just did.

I rubbed the rest of the lube on my fingers into her ass, coating her opening. "Are you ready babe?" I asked as I moved myself closer and wrapped my arms around her.

"Yeah Jazzy… go slow 'kay?"

"Yeah… don't worry… I'll be gentle." I kissed my mark behind her ear, "Remember your safe word?" I smirked as I tried to cover my nervousness with humor and moved my hand to over hers on the bullet.

She jerked back into me about to reply to my remark as I felt the head of my cock find just the right spot and she stretched a little around me. Alice turned up the speed a little on the vibe and moaned. I stopped moving while she got used to me.

"God Jazzy, you're so big…" She pressed her head back into my shoulder.

"You want me to stop kitten?"

"No… Just let me move 'kay?"

I nodded into her neck as she slowly pushed back, groaning as she did. God, she was going so slow I thought I was going to die. But it had to be like this, if she wasn't controlling things I didn't think I was going to be able to do it. As it was, I had to think really hard just to remember my safe word… I didn't want to forget 'cause I wasn't exactly sure I wasn't going to need it. _This feels so fucking good._

With one final push and the best sounding moan I'd ever heard her make she had me completely sheathed inside her. "You okay?" I whispered in her ear.

She nodded, but held still. So I did too.

"Does it hurt?"

She shook her head, "No," she gasped, "It really hurt at first, but now… it doesn't… it feels really, really full." She pulled up then pushed back down, making my eyes roll back in my head and me bite down on her neck. "Like you're totally consuming me… It actually feels really fucking good now," she panted.

"Can I move Kitten?" I was praying she'd say yes, I needed to move… Now.

"Yes… please Jazzy… Fuck me."

That's all I needed to hear. I started to move slowly as I could at first, then she reached up and grab a handful of my hair tugging it hard as she thrust back into me. The bullet buzzing along making her moan loudly.

Her pussy was slippery on my fingers, "You little minx, you like this don't you?" I growled into her ear as I pulled almost completely out and pushed back in, proud at how I was able to control myself. She groaned and nodded her head in response, her hand clenching a fist full of hair again. _I love that shit. _I continued my thrusts, grunting into her neck.

"You thought about me doing this, didn't you baby?" I managed to get out between clenched teeth. I was barely holding on, but I wanted to get her to the brink with me. She squeaked and nodded, she was panting now too. Her hips gyrating slightly as she worked herself with the bullet.

"Fuck Jasper… God!" She growled. I moved back a bit so I could look down and watch as I pulled almost all the way out and teased her with just my head and then thrust back in till I was completely buried. _God damn that was hot. _

I heard her scream my name and then felt her body start to tighten around my dick, I knew she was cumming. I kept watching and moving, steadily now as she rode out her orgasm chanting my name over and over.

By then I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to move faster and harder… I concentrated, working to make sure I was still gentle with her. I continued my pace, "Fuck Kitten… Fuck…" I pulled out quickly, grabbing my dick pumping just once into my fist and rubbed her back as I came, harder than ever.

Once we could both breathe normally again I reached over the edge of the bed to grab my tee-shirt to wipe us both off.

_God… it was good to be home._

***!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!*!*!*!*!***

Once we finished whispering loving words to each other and I'd kissed her and thanked her for the best fucking orgasm ever, I carried her to the bathroom. She was completely spent, my body was pretty overexerted as well, but it was my duty to take care of her, and that is what I would do. I ran her a bath and quickly got her into it before I began cleaning everything up myself. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face as I gathered the fitted sheet and tossed it in our washing machine and put new, clean bedding on our bed.

After that I picked out comfortable clothes for her and went to the bathroom, where she laid half asleep in the water. I brushed the tendrils off hair of her face, making her pretty blue eyes focus on me. "Hey kitten," I said softly.

She gave me a weak smile, "Hi Jazz."

"How are you feelin'?"

She gave me a rather glazed over expression, "Sleepy."

"Does your tummy still hurt?"

She nodded her head, "A little."

"I'm sorry baby," I sat her clothes on the stool and cupped her cheek.

"It's okay Jazzy."

I kneeled by the tub, rubbing my thumb along her cheekbone, "Did you... enjoy it?"

Her eyes met mine, "God yeah… I can't say that it's something we'll do every night… but it's definitely worth a repeat performance," she waggled her eyebrows.

I couldn't help but smirk at her, "You're amazing my love, and I love you."

She grinned at me, "You better," she teased. "I love you too."

I leaned forward and kissed her gently, "Want to sleep by the fire?"

She nodded her head, "That sounds good."

"Okay," I pointed towards her clothes, "I got you some sweat pants and a tee-shirt and there's a fluffy towel right here on the hook for you... want me to leave you alone?" I asked her, standing up.

She raised an eyebrow at me, "Get your happy ass over her mister."

I smiled at her, and kneeled back down, "What?"

"Why would you think I want you to leave?" She tilted her head in question.

I shrugged, "I dunno," I looked down, _because I just ravaged your body like a lust filled caveman_. "Maybe you wanna think by yourself or something."

She scoffed, "I've had two months of that nonsense."

I looked back at the floor and smiled a little, feeling shy suddenly. "Yeah, well I mean, after what just happened…" I shrugged.

"All the more reason for you to stay with me right?" The corner of her mouth turned up slightly.

"I've never done that sober before," I admitted.

"Well I've never done that at all before... so it's a first for both of us," I looked up to see her blush.

"I could tell you had never done it before," I informed her, smirking at her.

She leaned her head on the lip of the tub, "I guess you would," she laughed.

"That felt fantastic though," my face grew hot when I realized I said that out loud. I had no idea what to say to a lady after you did that. Before, with Maria and the meth bunnies it was just like here's a rock, go the fuck away now. But this was entirely different with Alice… For one, I wasn't giving her drugs in exchange for anal, and for two, I didn't want her to go away.

"Wanna wash my back?" She asked.

"Sure…" She handed me the wash cloth and I began washing her slowly, enjoying the silence that had fallen between us. It was comfortable, neither of us felt like we needed to fill the air with mindless babble. Her happy and contented sighs sounded nice as my hand glided over her smooth skin, gently massaging her sore muscles. When I was done she finished washing herself in front of me, teasing me as she slowly washed her legs and chest.

Once she was done, thoroughly teasing the hell out of me, I helped her dry off. Gently rubbing her wet hair dry with the towel and admiring her naked body before she got dressed. Then we set up camp in the living room, on the chaise portion of our couch in front of the fireplace and under our comforter. We listened to the melody of the rain tapping against the window panes and rooftop, as the lightning and thunder occasionally rumbled outside.

We laid there, one of my arms wrapped loosely around her, with her head resting on my chest, in silence, just listening and content in being together. I couldn't stop thinking about what she had just given me, and in all honesty it was probably the only thing she had left to give me, but why did she think she had to do it?

I think part of it may have been guilt over the Edward thing. Edward… I could feel the little jealous monster inside glare and stomp around, growling loudly at the mere thought of his name. _How dare he touch what was mine? _I didn't fully understand it, every girl I sent his way he ignored, but the one and only girl I didn't want him near, he fucking wants her. That was some interesting shit.

I looked over at her, only to notice she'd fallen into a peaceful sleep. Her long, dark lashes fanned out across the top of her cheekbone and her plump pink lips parted slightly. She's beautiful. I pushed her hair back to look at my mark behind her ear, only to notice it was outlined by a purple and black tattooed heart, and judging by the fact that it was raised a little, it was fresh. _My parent's let her get a tattoo? And what exactly had caused her to get said tattoo? _Although I was pretty sure I knew already. I knew I had already forgiven her, the trust would be earned back with time, but I forgave her. It was understandable, to me at least. In her mind I no longer wanted her, so she went to him for comfort. People who can't understand or forgive that are heartless, soulless bastards. I would like to think I am a caring person, I hugged her a little closer to me, I'll never leave her again.

------

I woke the next morning to see that it was still raining, though not as hard as it had been earlier. I carefully slid myself out from under Alice and padded quietly to the phone to call Esme. After some begging and pleading on my part, using the fact I just got out of rehab and was worried about spending another whole day alone as an excuse, I got Esme to call Alice in sick at school.

When I walked back over to the couch, Alice was pretending to sleep. I could tell because her eyes were twitching and she was having trouble keeping her big grin under wraps. I chuckled at her and shook my head, "Wake up faker."

She pulled the blanket up over her face, "No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I'm sleeping," she giggled.

"Again, faker." I reiterated making her stick her tongue out at me. I smirked at her and kneeled on the side of the couch, held her face between my hands and kissed her deeply. I didn't even give a fuck about morning breath, I was just happy to wake up with her for the first time in months.

Her laughter broke the kiss, "Morning Jazzy."

I smiled down at her, "Morning kitten."

She finally sat up and stretched, her shirt lifting a little to reveal a bit of tantalizing flesh. "So what are we doing today?"

"I dunno kitten, whatever you want to do." I ran my hand gently under her shirt and along her stomach as she shrugged and chewed her lip, "Why are you chewing your lip?"

She stopped to give me a small smile. "It's been a long time since it was just me and you…"

I smiled back, "Yes it has and it's raining," I pointed behind her to the bay window where the rain was still pouring down in sheets.

She looked over her shoulder at the window. "Yeah," then turned back to face me. "Maybe we could cuddle and watch movies or something? Or I know…" She stood up and walked over to the entertainment stand before bending over and looking through the cabinet, giving me a very nice view of her perfect little heart shaped ass. "Your mom said you might have missed your old system…" She looked over her shoulder and caught me looking at her ass, "Maybe you can teach me how to play?"

I lifted my shoulders a little, "I kinda liked the movie idea…" I smiled coyly at her, "I really want to chill out and cuddle with you." _Be in our own little bubble for awhile. _

She nodded her head, "But we have to make cookies first cause it will help warm the place up and we'll have sweets for the movie."

I swiftly moved over to her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her up and began kissing up her neck, "I have my sweets."

She giggled, "Well then I think we're all set then huh?"

"Well did _you _want cookies?"

She shook her head. "No, I was just thinking of a way to warm up the house 'cause we don't have any fire wood," she spun around to face me, "and if you're going out I'm going with you." She hugged me tightly and smiled up at me and I smiled right back.

"If you want, I could get more firewood."

"It's your call babe, just remember… if you leave I'm coming with you." She stated again.

I didn't want her to have to walk in this weather, "Did you drive here?"

"The Bronco is here, yes. I walk to and from school though," she gave me a small smile. _Yeah... no, not happening._

"Maybe we could go stock up on some stuff huh?" I nudged her gently.

She nodded, "Sounds good 'cause I have a feeling the rain is gonna get worse later."

"Yeah...what do you want for dinner?"

"Umm... I dunno I just woke up silly," she wrinkled her nose at me.

"Well I figured, we can get breakfast out, make grilled cheese for lunch and then buy dinner while we're out so we can watch movies and…" I bit my lip thinking about what I really wanted to do all day, then mumbled out, "Make love all day."

She gave me a coy smile and nodded, "I like that plan."

"Okay well…" I felt the corner of my mouth inch higher, "What are you making me for dinner," I nudged her to get my point across.

She laughed, "Hmm… what are you in the mood for?" She asked, walking towards the kitchen.

"I think anything would be better than what I have had for dinner for the past two months," I informed her, following her to the kitchen.

"Gotta make my job difficult don't ya?" She teased as I leaned against the doorframe.

"Yep."

"Well…" She pulled herself up onto the counter and kneeled there as she began digging through the cabinets. "Do you want like soup? Pasta? Good old fashion meatloaf? Mexican…" I could hear the clinks from the cans as she moved them around. She looked so cute doing that, I just had to get behind her and kiss her somehow; I had missed this so much. So I kissed her between her shoulder blades.

"Fried chicken," I murmured.

"You want some southern food huh?" She looked at me from over her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Yes please."

She leaned back into me, completely trusting that I wouldn't let her fall. "'Kay, you want mashed potatoes and gravy and all that stuff too?"

"Yes," I mumbled between kisses on her neck making her hum happily.

"I can do that then," she responded happily.

"Good." I ran my lips along her neck, making her shiver with excitement in my arms.

"Now get me down so I can get dressed," she ordered.

"Kay." I agreed, pulling her off the counter and spinning her, making her laugh before setting her onto the ground gingerly.

"I love you Jazzy," she said, standing on her toes so she could reach my lips.

"I love you too," I leaned down and kissed her gently for a minute before letting her go so she could get dressed. I brushed my teeth and spiffed myself up a little while I waited for her.

Once she came out in a long sleeved shirt and jeans we left for the grocery store. We drove there and the entire time she held my hand, it was so nice to be near her again, I didn't want to let her go. I watched her in the store, choosing to push the cart as she practically danced in front of me, picking items and tossing them into the basket, she mesmerized me, entranced me with the sway of her hips, the flick of her wrists as she grabbed items off the shelves and put things into the cart. Every time she would catch me looking at her longingly she would run over and quickly peck me on the lips then run back and continue her dance.

About an hour later we were done at the store, we got our breakfast from Burger King and we were on our way back home. We stopped momentarily so I could buy her another bracelet from the vendor I usually went to. This time I picked out one with a three leaf clover, because she was my good luck charm and gave it to her, earning a happy clap and a huge kiss in approval. I guess she liked my apology for the break up in rehab.

When we got home we ate our breakfast and she put the first movie in so we could cuddle, and honestly, I can't remember any of that movie, because one way or another we ended up making out, and the make out turned into more. A drop-my-pants-and-stick-my-very-hard-dick-in-her-and-moan-a-fucking-lot-because-it-felt-so-good type of more. Afterwards we cleaned up and cuddled some more, she watched whatever movie she put in while I was content with kissing the side of her face and nuzzling her neck.

Lunch and the cuddle time after was much the same, we kissed some more, gentler and less urgent than when we had this morning, but we still ended up in quite the same fashion… pants off, with her on top of me, writhing and moaning as I guided her hips up and down, her fingers tangled in my hair as our lips fought to stay connected. We went over the edge together, panting and murmuring how much we loved each other before collapsing on the couch, entirely spent and at peace with the world.

The rest of the day followed the same pattern, I think we were making up for lost time, and I was seriously beginning to worry that I was going to chafe her with as much sex as we were having, but she kept pushing for it, kept wanting it, kept going for it, so I wasn't going to stop her. I was nervous about having to work in a school, around a bunch of teenagers and their severely fucked up emotions and their constant need to hurt and berate each other, but I had to do this… For Alice… For us… And for this small piece of paradise I have going right now, I would do anything.

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End Note: So it will be a little bit before we update again, we have to get through November, but hopefully begining of December you'll get the next one.

**And Reviews are LOVE!**


	22. Reality Bites

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight or the characters. The story really is ours though.**

**K: Oh hai dur, looks like rumors of our demise have been greatly exaggerated. Haha. So good news, bad news. Good news, NaNoWriMo is done and Robs and I got 80k + words done! WOOT! What's even cooler, is we got some shit done cause of it haha. Bad News, it's the end of the year, thus RL is really kicking our ass. So if you haven't done it yet. Add Alsper on Twitter. We try to update on there as much as possible, so you'll know what's happening. Sorry guys :( But fear not we aren't abandoning the fics, it's just getting harder to deal with RL...**

**OH! And congrats to my PIC Robs for her honorable mention in the ****Les Femme Noires**** contest for her poem "Undeserving"!!! *proud smile***

**Robs: WHOO HOO! A Demons and Sinners chapter! Did y'all miss us? Thank you so much for all the support and love we've gotten this past month, it really inspires us and puts a smile on our faces.**

**Thank you to our fuckawesome Beta Amber, who without the fic would be full of grammar errors. :)

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**Chapter 21: Reality Bites**

_O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!  
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock  
The meat it feeds on._

_William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), "Othello", Act 3 scene 3_

Reality slowly seeped into the bubble Jasper and I had managed to create. I had to go to school and he had to start his new job. I knew he was nervous about it, not so much the job itself but the dangers of everything. At least at home he knew I wouldn't try to trigger a craving for him.

But I was proud of him, he was managing the cravings well, many times either calling his sponsor for a chat or cuddling up with me and talking it out. And when that didn't work he would go for a run or do some cardio work in the living room. Not gonna lie, watching him do pushups and crunches was a thousand times better then the stupid homework I had.

But we made it through week one, and week two was going to be an even bigger challenge. Now instead of us just being apart while I was at school and he was at work, my job was being thrown into the mix. By the time I got home at night, I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to cuddle with him. But we were surviving and I kept forgetting to ask him one crucial thing.

"What do you mean you haven't asked him?!" Bella screeched from behind the dressing room door..

"What? I've been busy! Between work, school, the stupid art fair project and everything else, it slips my mind."

"Alice you need to ask him! I don't think he'd be happy with you springing this on him at the last minute you know?"

"I know Bee. Does the dress fit?"

"Don't change the subject Alice! I need to tell Charlie if you two will be at dinner and well, you said you wanted to give me the stupid party." I could hear the click of the dressing room door and looked in her direction.

"It's not a stupid party, it's your eighteenth. _And_ Edward will be there!" I added in a sing-song voice as I twirled my finger at her, indicating for her to spin for me.

She spun in a slow circle then stopped, placing her hands on her hips. "Right, all the more reason you _need_ to talk to Jasper!" She hissed.

"I know Bella! I'm going too, I promise, when he gets home I'll talk to him." Bella nodded in agreement and tried to pull the black and champagne colored dress up higher. I slapped her hands away. "We'll get you a strapless bra and it will look perfect! Stop messing with it."

"You don't think this screams 'Look at me' do you?" She asked.

"No I think it says, 'Guess what? I'm a woman and I'm beautiful.' Now go change back so I can buy that." I told her pushing her back into the dressing room.

"Ali!" She protested.

"Shut it Bee. You love it and you know it."

-----

After shopping with Bella, I came home and decided to do something to keep my mind off what I had to do. Namely, try to convince Jasper to not only go to dinner with Bella's parents _and_ Edward, but to maybe host her birthday party here in our apartment as well.

I turned on the iHome and the techno-dance sounds of Lady Gaga floated through apartment. I so blame Bella for getting me addicted to this chick.

After changing into shorts and a tank top, I pulled my hair into a messy bun and got to work. I was so lost in dancing around to the music and singing that I hadn't heard Jasper come in, so imagine my surprise when I turned towards the foyer and found Jasper leaning against the wall, watching me.

He scared the shit out of me. I screamed for a second before dropping the bottle of cleaner I was holding. He started chuckling at my reaction.

"Shit, sorry!" I apologized as I reached for the remote to shut the music off. "I didn't hear you come in." _Gee wonder why? Too busying singing about bad romances maybe?_

He shook his head, "Hey don't apologize to me, you looked like you were having fun." He smiled at me as he freed his arms from his coveralls and lit up a cigarette.

I smiled, "It helps pass the time. Did you have a good day babe?"

He shrugged, "It's good now that you're here," he gave me a crooked smile as he took a drag off his cigarette. "You look good like that."

I laughed, "Oh yes, because I'm so sexy when I'm all sweaty," I teased as I went up to him for a kiss.

He wrapped his free arm around me and kissed me briefly, "Would I lie about something like that? You looked fucking hot."

"No, you wouldn't." I smiled at him before pulling away to pick the cleaners up, trying to talk myself into asking him for the big fucking favor now.

"Did you want some help?" He offered from behind me.

I placed the cleaners under the sink and threw the rag in the washer. "No, I got it. Umm... can I talk to you about something?" I asked trying to calm my nerves down.

He looked worried, "Yeah... you can talk to me about anything."

"Well you know how Bella's birthday is coming up right?" He nodded. "Well, her mom and step-dad are coming to town from Phoenix and apparently Charlie wants to treat Bella and her closest friends to dinner..."

He smiled a little and looked at the floor, "Yeah you can go, if you want."

"Well, that's the thing... Bella wants you to come too," I pulled myself up on the counter. "I don't want you to feel like you have to go though."

He pushed his way between my knees and wrapped his arms around my waist, placing gentle kisses on my neck. "Why does she want me there?"

"So I don't feel like a third wheel so to speak..." _Why am I so afraid to tell him that Edward is gonna be there? _He ran his lips along my jaw before placing a rather steamy kiss on my mouth.

"Okay," he agreed, kissing me passionately again. I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my legs around him and pulling him closer.

"Can we have her party here?" I asked when I broke from the kiss and kissed along his jaw.

His fingers dug into my ass as he pulled me as close to him as possible without him actually getting inside of me, "What?"

_Okay, apparently he wasn't as distracted as I thought._

"I was wondering if we could have a party for her here after dinner. It's nothing big, just us, her, some friends and her date." I chewed on my lip waiting for him to say no.

He studied me for a minute, "Nothing too crazy?"

I shook my head. "No. I just want to do something nice for her and her only other option was poker night with her parents. Which I don't think her date would want, being that close to her dad's gun collection," I joked.

He chuckled a little, "Fine baby..." He cupped my cheeks and kissed me. "Just don't go crazy okay? 'Cause I think it would stress me out right now," he swallowed hard and looked at the space between our chests.

I took a deep breath, _that's what I was afraid of._ "There's more… Bella's date is Edward..."

He looked up at me for a moment, a few emotions I couldn't read crossed his eyes and he seemed lost in thought, "That's fine." He said sounding rather distant.

"Are you sure? 'Cause I can totally tell Bella that you and I have plans this weekend. She'll understand."

"It's fine." He said a little more firmly.

"I love you Jasper," I said looking into his eyes.

He smiled, "I love you Alice," he pressed his forehead to mine and gave me a rather lusty look before kissing me hard once again.

Jasper was a bit off this morning, but understandably so considering soon he was going to be eating dinner with people he didn't know... in a fancy steak house... with his brother, who I'm pretty sure he hates because of me. When I told him that I was going shopping with Bella after school, he told me not to buy clothes. I thought it was odd that he'd make that request but decided to follow his instructions.

Not like where we were going I could buy something appropriate for the party anyway. And ever since Ms. Swan became a legal adult, technically last Sunday, she's turned into a porn store lurker.

That's what I called her because of the way she'd go in, look, and walk back out. I think in a way, she's trying to get the whole 'perv thing' out of the way so she's not blushing like an idiot when she and Edward get to that point.

Normally when she goes on these trips, I tag along. The one store closest to the apartment hadn't I.D.'d me yet and I think the guy has a thing for school girl fantasies.

_Ewww_.

Today I wasn't feeling it at all. _I mean, the whole being in a porn store thing._

"This looks like a cat toy," Bella whispered while pointing to, _I think_, a tickler. I just nodded and felt her wrap her arm around mine. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." With that she escorted us out of the store and sat us on a bench for the local bus.

"What's wrong?" She asked. I just shook my head. I didn't know how to voice my concern without making her think she's involved. "Don't give me that Alice, something's wrong. You're sad and I heard you didn't participate in Art class today."

I sighed, while silently cursing Angela. "I'm just worried about tomorrow."

"My dad loves you. Mom loves you from what she knows about you." Bella said, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"It's not that. I think... I think I might have pushed Jasper too far."

"Too far? You pushed? What?"

I sighed again; preparing myself to explain what happened when I spoke to him about the dinner and party. I told her about our conversation and how he was okay with it but pulled away when I mentioned Ed.

"Well that's understandable Alice. You and Ed have a history and no matter how much you love Jasper, I don't think he's gonna want to sit there and see you two in the same room."

"But it's not that Bella. I knew he wasn't gonna want me near Ed, hell even Ed's said that. It's just what he said before I told him."

She lifted her eyebrow at me. "So whatever he said before makes you think you pushed him too far?" I nodded. "Meaning what Alice? You're talking in circles again."

"I can't lose him again Bee... he's all I got."

"Still not following Alice and he's not all you have. You still have me," she said wrapping her arm around me to hug me. "And you've got Edward and Emmett. And then there's Esme and Carlisle."

"That's just it Bella. I don't have them cause they're not my family. I love them like family yes, but even now there's too much shit and I caused it all. And he's been thinking of using and I drop this bomb on him about Ed-"

"He's _thinking_ of using?" Bella asked cutting me off.

I nodded. "Which considering what he _was_ using, it makes sense. He's always gonna want it, 'Crave it'. Ya know?"

She pulled away to look at me. "And you think because of the party, with Edward, you're pushing him closer to going back?" She asked me incredulously.

"He said before he agreed to the party, that we can't get out of hand 'cause that kind of shit will push him."

"Alice. Listen to yourself! You do not trust him. He's risking everything and trusting you enough to go to dinner with not only a cop but with his brother, who hurt him, and he's willing to sit through a party with said brother and teenagers, for _you_." She shook her head at me. "You not trusting him is going to make things worse."

"I do trust him!"

She shook her head and stood up. "If you did, you wouldn't be worried about one night being enough to push him off the edge and back into old habits. Rather than thinking the worst, you'd be talking to him."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, heading back to the apartment. "You wouldn't understand." I snapped at her.

"You're right, I don't Alice. I never claimed to understand the relationship you have with Jasper! I just don't see why you're getting pissy with me when clearly you need to talk to your boyfriend!" She shouted at my back before running to catch up with me, damn near knocking me over when she tripped.

"You really shouldn't run Bee," I laughed, helping her get straight.

"Well don't storm off when I'm talking to you!" She huffed while trying to straighten out her uniform.

"Well don't pretend to understand what I'm going through! It's not easy when I have to worry what's gonna be the trigger that makes him break, wonder if I'm gonna get a call from Larry 'cause something happened." I felt the tears finally fall as the next words came out of my mouth, "Worry if I'm gonna come home from work to find him dead!"

I could see the sadness on Bella's face before she pulled me to her, letting me cry on her shoulder. "Shh... Alice, he loves you. You've got to realize that he's doing this for you guys. But you keeping secrets and not talking out your fears... it's gonna back-fire honey."

"I just don't want to stress him out more," I admitted.

"He's gonna know something is wrong Alice. Even you said he seems to know how you're feeling before you do."

"Yeah, I'll try to talk to him tonight."

"Good, and if you guys don't want to come to dinner, or can't do the party that's –" I held my hand up to cut her off.

"No, I'm sure we'll be there. Jazz knows that you don't want much for your birthday, so just chill."

"Don't force him." She warned before we got to the front of the building.

----

I had to work Saturday afternoon, so any chance of talking to Jasper the night before or morning of was shot to hell. When he dropped me off at work I knew he had plans to go to the gym for a bit, so I wasn't expecting him to be there when I got home.

When I got home I could hear Jasper singing along to the radio from the bedroom. I hung my coat in the closet before making my way there. I had to start getting ready for dinner anyhow.

He was looking through the closet for something when I entered. I just sat on the bed watching him as he picked over certain items.

"Is there a reason you're looking for something on my side Jazz?" I finally asked after watching him pull out several dresses then veto them.

"I'm looking for something for you to wear," he responded quickly, the sound of him pushing hangers around on the closet bar was making me wince a little.

"Oh, do you want any help?" _He's never picked an outfit for me before._

He shrugged, "I dunno... I just want you dressed appropriately."

I bit my tongue to keep from saying something that might cause a fight. "Okay."

"Jesus Alice!" He sounded frustrated and tugged a little on his hair.

"What?!" I snapped. _Seriously, what did I do wrong?_

He looked over at me, his green eyes narrowed, "Do you really go out of the house in this?" He gestured towards the clothes.

"You tell me… you've seen what I wear to school and work." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't understand. You never had a problem before." His jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists as he studied me and then walked past me, falling face first on the bed.

"Jasper, will you please tell me what is wrong. Why are we fighting all the sudden? Did I do something?"

He turned his head to look at me and sighed, "No baby, you didn't do anything wrong... I just... I don't want Edward lookin' at you."

I lay down next to him and faced him. "I'm sorry," I said sadly. "We don't have to go you know. Bella will understand."

He tucked my hair behind my ear, "No baby... we have to go."

"You sure?" I didn't want him to feel like I was trying to torture him or make him think I wanted to make things hard on him. Because I didn't and I sure as hell didn't like him stressing out over this.

He leaned forward and kissed my nose, then my mouth. "Very sure," he smiled.

I gave him a small smile before kissing him again. Everything felt wrong and I just hoped it was just my irrational fear that things were on the rocks. "I'm gonna jump in the shower, 'kay?"

"Don't fall," he teased, patting my butt a little. I just shook my head and grabbed some panties before heading in there.

----

Jasper had picked out something simple and elegant looking for me, black skinny jeans and my ruffle black corset top. Figuring that it would be best not to tempt too much I did my hair and makeup simply, my hair down in lose curls to cover my bare shoulders, and just some lip gloss for makeup. He of course looked fucking hot as hell, in his dark jeans, white button down and tie.

_The things I wanted to do to him with that tie..._ I shook my head to clear my thoughts. The last thing I needed to was to have sexual fantasies while at dinner with Bella's parents.

The dinner was going better than I had anticipated. I'll admit I was scared shitless that this was a bad idea the minute Charlie said he wanted to go here. Luckily though, the people using knives were on the opposite end of the table.

Renee, Bella's mom, was trying her hardest to get both Jazz and Ed engaged in a conversation, but neither seemed willing to do so. Even Charlie wasn't one for conversation tonight. I gave Bella an apologetic smile and she just shook her head.

When Phil started to talk about sports that had seemed to grab both Jasper and Charlie's attention. Apparently Phil was a minor league baseball player and as Edward asked questions, Jasper actually smiled at some of the things Phil was saying.

"Thank God we finally found something the boys like," Renee teased to me and Bella. I held hands with Jasper as he bonded with the guys and us girls chatted, figuring everything was okay now.

"Yeah, there are some guys in the minors who I think might be better than the guys who are in the big leagues. Sometimes the best don't even get that far… there was this one kid, my senior year at WU, he was a great player, he just couldn't handle it or something, got benched at first for poor grades and then he just dropped out..." Phil looked over at Jasper as a look of recognition dawned on both their faces.

"I need a cigarette, I'll be..." Jasper let go of my hand and left the table quickly.

"Oh my, is he okay?" Renee asked worried.

"Um..." I didn't know what to say. I just looked at Edward for help.

Edward shrugged and looked in the direction that Jasper walked off in, "Did you want me to go check on him?"

My eyes widened at him. Did he forget what happened the last time he tried to talk to him?

"If you think that's best," Bella said softly to him, giving him an encouraging smile. I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't too busy freaking out inside.

"I dunno," he looked at Bella and shrugged and then looked at me.

"I... uh..."

"You know," Renee said cutting me off. "I think that would be sweet of you Edward, checking on your brother like that."

"Mom," Bella groaned. "Don't guilt him."

Charlie chuckled as he took a drink from his glass. "Come on Bells, you know that's what she does best."

Edward shrugged his shoulders and then got up from the table, striding off casually to follow Jasper.

"Phil honey, that boy you were just talking about..." Phil nodded his head looking in the direction Edward had just gone. "Didn't you think he was using or something?" She asked casually.

I couldn't help the odd squeak that left my mouth as I clapped my hands over my mouth, looking at her wide eyed.

"Jesus mom!" Bella snapped.

"Oh, dear... sorry honey," Renee looked apologetic. "I forgot Jasper was in rehab."

I glared at Bella before addressing her mom. "No it's okay." I put my napkin on the table. "Excuse me for a moment." I said as I pushed my chair back.

I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I couldn't believe Bella had told her mother that. I shook my head as I pushed the door open to go outside. I walked along to the area where I knew he would be since it was where the 'smoking section' was.

I rubbed my arms as I approached them, cursing myself for not grabbing his jacket out of the Bronco. I was happy to see that he and Edward seemed to be getting along.

"His jokes aren't that funny," I teased moving to stand next to Jasper against the wall.

He shook his head and took a drag off his cigarette, "No not really," Jasper agreed then laughed at the look of fake shock on Edward's face.

"I'm hurt..." he said in the most monotone voice I'd ever heard.

I laughed at the boys before looking up at Jasper. "You okay?"

He smiled a little at me as his eyes not-so-subtly raked my body, "Yeah, I'm okay."

I just nodded my head, content on being near him rather than in the restaurant where they were gossiping. Edward continued making his jokes about this and that while Jasper finished his cigarette. After a few minutes Jasper snubbed out his cigarette and wrapped his arm around my shoulders then placed a kiss on my temple.

"You look really nice tonight," Edward told me smiling.

I bit my lip and smiled. "Thanks. Going for that sophisticated, non-trashy look," I joked. Jasper pulled me closer to his side and glared at Edward for a second. "Jazzy picked it out. That's why we kinda match, I think..." I looked up to see Jasper jaw set.

_What the… Really... Is he mad because Edward was complimenting me? _

"Maybe we should join the others?" He murmured in my ear as Edward went inside by himself.

I curled myself into him, not realizing how cold I was until his arms were around me. "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." He gave me a rather sleepy smile then added, "You owe me tonight."

I smiled up at him. "Oh trust me, I know." I tugged at his tie a little. "And I think this is gonna help me later," I teased.

He smirked at me and then snapped his teeth before kissing me tenderly. "Come on let's not be rude," he grabbed my hand and led me back inside the restaurant.

After dinner Bella said her goodbye's to her parents and followed us, with Edward, to the apartment. I was just happy that it was only going to be a handful of us there and nothing crazy. I seriously think Jasper was on his last nerve tonight.

"Doesn't Bella look nice tonight? Like the dress, it makes her look more... grown up?" I asked Jasper as we drove home. Yes I was fishing for compliments since I picked out her dress.

He looked over at me and clicked his tongue. "Not as good as you," he grabbed my thigh for a second then twined his fingers with mine.

I smiled at him. "I only look good 'cause you dressed me," I teased.

He made a slight sound to agree, "Well your tits sure look good in it," he complimented then winked. I just shook my head and smiled.

When we got to the apartment, Bella tried to help me with the punch, but I just slapped her away. First, it was her party so she shouldn't have to work, and secondly, I was still pissed at her for talking about Jasper to her mother. Maybe I was being irrational about it, but that isn't something she should tell her parents. That would be like me telling The Cullen's about some dark secret Edward had.

Okay bad example, but yeah, I was pissed.

"It's only a few hours Alice, you can handle it." I muttered to myself.

"What's wrong Mini?" I heard Edward ask softly next to me.

I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice. "Jesus Freak Boy," I laughed and shook my head. "Nothing. It's just been a long day." I forced a smile.

"You need any help?" He offered.

"Uh yeah... You wanna put those cups on the dining room table for me?" I pointed to the red plastic cups. Normally I wouldn't want to use those but I really didn't want to spend too long cleaning up tonight.

"Sure," he smiled and picked them up. "Thanks for inviting me Alice."

I smiled back at him. "Of course Edward," I bit my lip and looked back down at the punch bowl. Silently cursing the fact that I still blush so easily around him.

"Hey Jazz," Edward said as he left with the cups, I looked over to see Jasper nod his head slightly at his brother, but he didn't take his eyes off me.

"Hi babe," I smiled at him despite the fact that the look in his eyes scared me a little.

"Yeah," he huffed and then walked past me to dig in the freezer for something.

"What 'cha looking for Jazzy?"

"Vodka," he whispered, his tone was downright frightening.

"Jasper..." I breathed out. I did something wrong, I could feel it. "Babe what's wrong?"

"I don't want to discuss this right now..." He said quietly.

I felt my shoulders slump and sighed. "Okay Jazz."

He looked at me for a moment then came over to me, cupping one cheek with his hand and kissing the other. "I'm gonna go sit on the couch..."

"I'm sorry," I whispered looking at him before looking at the ceiling trying my best not to cry. He pulled my face to him and kissed me on the mouth, then walked out of the kitchen his drink in hand.

_This is gonna be a long fucking night._

Bella helped me welcome in a few of our friends from school. I wasn't lying when I said it would be a handful of people. Angela came with her boyfriend Ben. Eric brought his boyfriend Mike, which was a total shock for Bella, Angie and I. And Tyler showed up with his girl Lindsey.

It was nothing like you see on TV, just a group of friends talking and laughing. Once I made my rounds making sure everyone was okay I made my way to Jasper. He was sitting on the couch silently observing everyone while taking sips from his cup.

"Mind if I sit with you?" I asked him. He smiled up at me and shook his head, patting his leg. I sat in his lap and took his free hand in mine. "You okay?"

He chuckled lightly and instead of answering he started to kiss and nibble my neck, wrapping his arm with his drink around the front of me at my shoulders and holding me in place.

"Jazz..." I wiggled to get him to realize he was making a scene, which I knew he wasn't fond of doing, but stopped. Probably better not to piss him off. I turned my head to try and look at him. "I love you, you know that right?"

He pulled away and leaned back on the couch, looking at me with bloodshot eyes. It seemed to make his eyes even greener than ever. "Sure baby," he smiled lazily and took another drink before pulling me back to him.

_That's a first…_

"And you know if you want me to kick everyone out I will 'cause this is your house right?"

He scoffed at that, "Naw baby, let them hang..." He gave me that charming half-smile he uses to get his way.

"You're drunk aren't you?" I asked him, smiling slightly.

He wrinkled his nose and shook his head, "Maybe a little bit," then smiled stupidly at me.

I laughed, "Jesus Jazz. I'm gonna get the party to wind down before you pass out on me."

He kissed my neck again, "I won't pass out... you promised me something tonight," he exaggerated a wink at me.

I kissed him before standing up. "Do you want me to get you anything while I'm up?"

He shook his head, "I'm good."

I kissed him once more before going to find Bella. When I found her she was talking to Angie about something and I almost laughed at how uncomfortable Edward seemed.

"You have a great apartment," Angie gushed when I joined them.

"Thanks, I'll tell Jazz you like it." I responded before turning to Bella. "Can we talk?" She nodded and excused herself.

"What's up?"

"I hate to do this, but I need the party to cut short. I've got a headache and just want to go to bed. I'm sorry Bee." I lied.

She looked at me for a moment and I half expected her to call me out on it. "No it's okay. Edward was saying something about taking a walk and getting some coffee or something. I can tell people I'm leaving and I'm sure they'll follow."

I gave her a tight smile. "Yeah, thanks. I am sorry that it wasn't more." She just shook her head and hugged me.

"It was perfect Alice. Now you go talk to Jasper when we all leave." She said as she pulled away and looked at me.

"Jasper? Oh no, he's fine." I lied again. She just pursed her lips and nodded.

"Hey Edward? I'm gonna say bye and thanks to Jasper before we leave okay?" Bella asked him. Edward looked stunned for a second then nodded. "Come on," she whispered to me taking my hand and walking towards Jasper. "I know something's up Alice, I'm not dumb. I'm sorry if I made things harder."

"Bee, no… it's not," she squeezed my hand making me shut up. When we got to Jasper I sat back down in his lap.

"Thank you for letting Alice have the party here, Jasper," She said reaching to give him a hug. "And thank you for coming to dinner."

He hugged her and smirked, "You know how you could really thank me?" His southern accent was in full force and low.

She looked at me questioningly and I just shrugged. No telling what he was up to.

"How's that?" She asked sweetly.

He gave her a rather seductive look and licked his bottom lip, "Eat my girl out in front of me."

She blushed and her eyes locked with mine. I knew that look, she was considering it. She smiled back at Jasper and kissed his cheek. "Maybe for your birthday stud," she said softly. My eyebrows jumped up at her. Since when did she get all self assured like that?

"Night guys," she said, giving me one last hug and a peck on the mouth, making me laugh.

Jasper pulled me close to him and turned my head to face him, "You two are way too hot together..." He pressed his lips against mine. Bella laughed and I waved at her.

"And you're a horny drunk," I told him.

He kissed my neck, "When is that different from any other time?"

I giggled, "It's not I suppose. But I should say good bye to our guests." Mike and Eric waved at me and I waved back.

"I'm going to go to the bedroom." He smirked at me.

I nodded and stood up. "Leave the tie on though... I have plans for that." He nodded and winked before standing up and walking into the bedroom.

As Bella predicted, everyone started leaving when she did. Ben and Angie were the last to leave since Angie insisted on helping me clean up. It wasn't that hard to do, just put the cups in the trash and pour the punch down the sink. But she was right, doing this meant I wouldn't have to worry about it once I got up.

After saying our good-bye's I locked up and turned off the lights as I headed to the bedroom. I found my dear Jasper sitting on the bed, in those damn tight jeans of his and his undershirt. And because he was a good boy and listened to me, he was still wearing the tie. He looked up at me with watery eyes and gave me a lazy smile.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself." I said to him as I stepped out of my shoes.

"Aww…" He leaned back on the bed to rest on his elbows, "Is my kitten mad at me?" He smirked.

I reached behind me to unzip my top while looking at him. "Did you do something to make me mad at you?"

"I got drunk and embarrassed you in front of everyone." He gave me another lazy smile. "Don't want your junkie boyfriend all over you in front of people, huh?"

I rolled my eyes and placed my top in the hamper. I could see him eyeing my exposed chest. "I actually don't have a problem with my boyfriend being affectionate babe. And I'd rather you drink then going back to what you used to do." I explained. "I was just trying to make you comfortable, since I know you're not usually one for making a scene."

"And I'm just trying to be what you want since I know Eddie boy doesn't care." He said in a sing song voice.

"Wait, what? What the hell does he have to do with anything?"

He made a sound like he was clearing his throat, "You still fucking like him Alice, I see it when you look at him and when you fucking flirt with him!" He shouted the last part.

"He's my friend Jasper! I don't fucking want him," I growled at him while getting a shirt from the dresser. All plans for tonight were shot all to hell all because of me being... me.

He scoffed, "Then why were you making goo-goo eyes at him? And blushing and being all fucking cutesy? Don't lie to me Alice, I know you." He said the last part so quietly; it was like he didn't want me to hear it. He buried his face in his hands.

"I wasn't aware that I was fucking flirting and being whatever. I thought I was just being me." I pulled the shirt on over my head. "I love you Jasper, but I can't have this discussion with you when you're drunk."

He scoffed and looked up at me, "No you just hate it when I call you out on something and _you_ don't want to have this discussion _ever_." He shook his head at me and took the tie off, tossing it to the floor.

I kicked my pants off and got up on the bed. "Fine, you want to have this out now? Go for it. Call me a whore! Slap me around a few times! Do what the fuck ever else makes you feel better. I don't fucking want him, if I ever did I would have fucked him but I didn't!"

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Do I seem like the kind of man who would slap you around and call you a whore Alice? Have I _ever_ given you the reason to think that low of me? I realize you prefer me to him, but that doesn't mean I can't get a little jealous when I see you lookin' at him." He looked at the ground, "I know you'd be better off with him, he's a better man and it's just difficult for me to believe you would choose me."

"God damn it Jasper! I choose you because I love you. I can't function without you. I feel like I can't breathe, I don't want to eat, I just want to fucking die. The only reason why I _ever _went after him was because he wanted me. I'm sorry, but that day you said you didn't want me, my world crumbled. That's why I tried to leave and wound up hurting your mom because of it." I moved a little closer to him. "And I know you'd never hit me or call me that, but I'd deserve it if we can't even be in the same room without you thinking I want him more."

He reached his arms out for me and rested my head on his chest, "I love you and I can't live without you either."

I looked up at him. "Please stop saying he's better then you, because he's not. And I don't want you to be anyone else but you."

"I'm sorry..." He pouted a little at me. "Did I ruin tonight?"

"Well, I did have plans to tie you up and have my way with you..." I pulled myself up and licked his lips playfully. "Hence the reason I told you to keep the tie…"

He hugged me tightly to his chest, "And now?"

I sighed dramatically. "I guess now you'll just have to watch me fuck myself," I teased.

He growled a little, "Why can't I fuck you?"

I straddled him and resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. "Babe, I was kidding. As if I'd ever say no to you," he moaned a little and pulled me to his mouth so he could kiss me roughly. He tasted like vodka, mint, cigarettes and Jasper. I felt his calloused hands rubbing patterns against the skin of my back. With a small moan I pulled away and he attached his lips to my throat, sucking, licking, kissing, all while his hands exposed my torso. I moaned and wiggled on his lap. Fucking jeans were in the way of what I wanted.

"Fucking jeans," I growled out in frustration, earning a throaty chuckle from him as he pulled down the neck of my shirt so he could kiss lower. My hands went to the front of his jeans and fumbled with the button for a minute before I felt him wrap his arms around me and roll us so that I was on my back. He moved to stand at the foot of the bed while I quickly pulled the shirt up over my head and tossed it to the side.

He hooked his fingers just inside the jeans and unsnapped the button then slowly pulled them down. _Holy crap he wasn't wearing any boxers._

I bit my lip and leaned back on my elbows, trying my best to give him a seductive 'come hither' look. He pulled the undershirt up over his head and smirked at me. "What's that look for," he teased while winking at me.

I twirled my hair and brought my knees together, "I dunno... I thought maybe you wanted me," I teased back. Deciding I wanted to fuck with him some, I dropped the lock of hair I was playing with and slowly let my hand drag along my stomach to the waistband of my panties. I kept my eyes on him as he watched my hand slide beneath the hot pink lace. "But I could just take matters into my own hands..."

He made a low groaning sound and looked like he was battling with himself as he climbed onto the bed. "Maybe I can watch you for a minute?" His voice was thick with lust and I could see just how much he wanted me throbbing away just under his belly button.

I slowly opened my legs, knowing he could see my hand as it slid further. "Wanna take these off so you can see better?" I asked.

His eyes slowly raked over my lace covered hand and crotch before he reached forward tentatively, hooking his fingers between the elastic and my skin before pulling slowly down. I bit my lip and pumped a finger slowly in and out, his eyes locked on my hand as he exposed it.

My eyes fluttered shut as I brought my finger to my clit, rubbing it in slow circles. I bit into my lip as I pictured my hands as his, slowly slipping two fingers into me, pumping them in and out, making my hips buck into my hand.

I moaned out slightly, gasping when I felt his tongue tease my nipple. I felt his hand on top of mine as one, then two of his fingers entered me and he continued to service my breast.

"Jazz..." I moaned out, the feeling of both of us working together better than I would have thought. He bit my nipple tugging slightly and making me curse.

He moved up, kissing me on the mouth. His tongue seeking out mine as our fingers worked faster, pumping in harder.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to feel him inside me. I removed my hand and started to push on his shoulders. He looked at me, confused at first, but when I kissed him he understood and rolled onto his back.

"I want you," I told him as I moved to straddle him. He took my right hand in his, bringing it to his mouth where sucked on the two fingers I was just fucking myself with. I licked my lips as I watched him, the sight was fucking hot.

"Mmmm," He moaned a little then pulled my fingers out of his mouth and smirked at me lazily. "I want you..." He nodded his head a bit.

I braced myself on his chest with one hand while stroking his cock a few time, loving the way he bit his lip and bucked into me. Finally, after a few more pumps, I placed his tip at my entrance and looked him the eye. "Fuck me Jasper."

He grabbed my hips and held me there as he brought his hips up, sheathing himself into me. He let his head fall back and made a sexy sounding sigh, then pulled me up slightly so he could thrust himself in and out of me from below. I held onto his forearms, letting him control everything. The sounds of my moans and his grunts filling the room, getting louder as each thrust got harder.

"Fuck!" I swore as he brought me down harder. His hands slid to my ass, squeezing the flesh as I rolled my hips into him.

"Yes..." He panted out, "Fuck me baby, fuck me..." He moaned.

I placed my hands on either side of his head as he brought his legs up a bit. I smiled down at him, seeing him biting his lip. I was so fucking close; I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out. He leaned up, cupping my face with one of his hands and pushing into me at a different angle, making me gasp as he kissed me.

"Babe...Oh God..." I moaned against his lips as the ball tightened within me.

He placed kisses along my jaw to my ear, "You feel so good," he panted, thrusting faster. I couldn't respond with anything coherent at this point. His mouth moved to my neck, licking and biting as he pummeled into me.

I screamed his name as everything exploded inside of me, he held me tight as he continued to fuck me, my orgasm milking him into his. I grabbed his face, kissing him roughly as he went over.

The hungry, rough kisses turned into gentle, loving pecks. He held me as we calmed down, kissing the crook of my neck softly. I smiled at him and started giggling when I realized what he had done.

_My man was stronger than I thought.

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_

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	23. Fragile Strength

**Disclaimer: **have not now nor have we ever been named Stephanie... meaning the characters and Twilight is not ours although this plot is.

**K:** *claps* Woohoo! Look at that you get two updates in one day! Well, okay an update and a oneshot in a 24hr period. But whatever be happy! Thanks for the patience ya'll have been having with us. We're almost done writing this hot mess offline which means TR is next on the radar. Be sure to check out our blog for exciting stuff!

**Robs: **HAI! Sorry it's been so long since our last update, our beta has been really busy as of late, but in her absence we have gotten a lot done! Okay now on to serious matters: there are some sensitive subjects that come up in this chapter, they are real and unfortunately happens way too often. With that in mind continue reading on.

Major thanks to Amber for beta'ing this for us despite her crazy schedule. She supports and encourages us and is quite possibly the best friend two girls could have.

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**Fragile Strength **

_Once I knew only darkness and stillness... my life was without past or future... but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living.  
__**~Helen Keller**_

Left, right, up, down, dip, squeeze, repeat. I'm wearing blue coveralls; I hate coveralls, and white boxers and a white undershirt with black socks and black boots. It's official. I'm wearing prison clothes. Only this isn't prison, although I'm sure for some American youths it probably seem that way, like that one teenage girl who just scurried past me as if I were nothing for instance. She looked pretty unhappy, she was a little overweight, but it was nothing too bad or anything to worry about, her hair was died black and you could tell she was wearing about a pound too much makeup.

Welcome to high school. Where anyone could be your best friend or your worst enemy... and the pretty girls keep looking at me as if they want to force me into the nearest closet. What is it with me and teenage girls? I know I'm good looking, but damn.

No one hassles me, other than if someone puked in class and it needs to get cleaned up. I clean toilets, see how many bulimic children there are in this school, I wash the floors and clean lockers and classrooms. I clean the cafeteria, which is blissfully free of food fights like you see on TV; however teenagers still have yet to manage the fine art of conversing with food in your mouth. It's overall a peaceful job. I don't get a lot of down time, which is a good thing for me, but I get a lot of thinking time, which could potentially be a bad thing.

So far though, I've only used that time to think about doing things to Alice, well, sometimes cravings would hit me too... but I had mastered the art of distracting myself, so focusing on Alice was the way to go. Lately my poor girl looked like she was working on little sleep though, between school, work and keeping me happy in bed I didn't doubt she felt tired. And that made me feel guilty.

And that was on top of my jealousy issues. I don't know when exactly it hit me, but I knew I was being a controlling jealous asshole and I really couldn't help myself. I was jealous of her and Edward, their past, their friendship, the way he fucking made her smile. I could always force her to stop being friends with him, but I also knew that was a level of controlling I didn't want to get to. And, I also knew that if I stopped her from seeing Edward, then Bella would end up out of the picture too, and I'll be completely honest; I really wanted to see what Edward got to see.

_What? I'm a guy, we guys like that shit._

It was almost the end of my workday and it had been a week since my little outburst of jealousy at Bella's birthday party. I was actually pretty disappointed in myself for drinking. I didn't drink often, mainly because I have always associated it with my father, but that night I just needed to relax, I remembered I had a bottle of vodka in the freezer from God knows how long ago and decided to have a drink. At least I didn't get violent.

I walked into the girl's bathroom after calling out several times to make sure no one was in there. I pulled my bucket in after me and started with the mirrors, you clean from top to bottom see, and I hate cleaning toilets, so I always leave those for last. I just happened to glance behind me and something red on the floor caught my eye. Oh please, for the love of God tell me some girl didn't flush a pad down the toilet and these aren't the bloody vestiges coming back from the clogged toilet. I looked behind me, no... that's much too red. I tentatively took a step towards the door where the blood continued to spill out along the floor and carefully opened the door.

_Oh fuck._ That girl, who by her appearance and mannerisms told me she must've seen this school as a prison, did something to end her suffering. I felt my stomach heave and I barely made it to the next stall and emptied my stomach of all its contents before calling the school's police officer on the walkie-talkie. She told me she was on her way, but I needed to check for a pulse. I crept back over into the stall and held my breath, terrified that she was gonna jump up and yell boo like some sort of sick prank. I pressed two fingers against her throat in that spot just under her jaw like my dad taught me long ago. Nothing. But unfortunately I had moved her enough for her to finally drop her weapon of choice and it fell to the floor with a glimmer and a clang. I glanced down and felt my entire body stiffen. A knife.

I don't know how long I stayed there staring at it, but I heard Becklyn, the school police officer, tell me to move and then ask me if I was okay once she had moved me to the corner, away from the scene. I couldn't speak. My throat burned like it was raw and my entire body ached desperately to get away. As if a monster had lived in my head this entire time I could hear it telling me what I needed. My entire body seemed to respond to the suggestion. I needed to get high, no I wanted to get high the good side of my head corrected. Becklyn seemed deeply concerned about my lack of reaction.

"Sweetie? Are you okay?" She asked softly, her accent made more prominent. New York. I tilted my head at her for a second, as if she were a figment of my imagination.

"I should've taken the job at the video store instead..." I looked over as the paramedics came into the bathroom with a stretcher and loaded her up. The principal and Jake were standing there in a state of shock. Becklyn laughed a little sadly and then turned as the girl was being hauled away and sighed.

"I guess I should contact her parents." The principal, a tall solidly built Native American man by the name of Sam nodded his head at her and Jake made his way over to me.

"Hey Jay, you okay?" He asked, looking at me concerned.

"Yeah..." I sounded rather pathetic.

"Hey, go home and relax bro," he looked over his shoulder at Sam and he nodded in agreement.

---

Three hours later I was sitting in the bathroom at my apartment, still in my coveralls. The top part was open and hanging around my waist and I was staring down at the contents on the plate in my lap. On the left side, a rock, scored from a street bum I used to get them from once in a while, then there was my spoon and the sterile syringe and needle, still lying safely in the bag. It would only be this once, the monster in my head whispered.

"Jasper," I whipped my head in the direction of the sound. Nothing. I heard it again, turned, and there was still nothing. My heart began pounding hard in my chest. _What the fuck, the shadow people have never spoken to me before._ I suddenly felt as if the room was way too small. "Jasper," it whispered again and I knocked the plate out of my lap, the contents spilling throughout the bathroom as it landed with a clang and a rattle.

"Jasper," a softer voice called out. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut up!" I screamed, covering my ears with my hands. _Go away, go away, go away._ Then the door opened and Alice stepped into the room, like a candle being lit in the middle of a blackout. I felt my cheeks get wet, I was crying? Had I been crying all along?

She looked down at the plate before looking back at me. "Babe?"

I swallowed hard, "It's not what it looks like," _actually yes it was you fucking liar._ The voices in my head were taunting me.

She walked over to me, kicking the plate with the toe of her shoe before crouching down in front of me. "Jazzy, what happened?" She asked gently taking my hands in hers.

I groaned a little as the picture of the girl who was just a little overweight, with her black hair and her too much make up came into view, the blood pooling out of her arm. "I found a body..." I whispered. I couldn't believe I just called a person a body. She had parents. Parents who would grieve. Maybe even friends, a boyfriend possibly, a future, and now she had nothing.

"Jesus," Alice muttered. "Come on, let's get out of here okay? Wanna go talk in bed?"

I nodded my head stupidly and let her lead me out of the bathroom and into our bedroom where I ditched my boots and the jail getup before I fell into bed quietly. She curled up next to me, still in her school uniform and kissed me gently, before running her fingers through my hair.

"I love you so much baby," I whispered, looking into her eyes. She was the only person in this world who had this power over me, the power to calm me so much. She was like my own personal drug, and I couldn't ever get enough.

She smiled at me and wiped under my eyes with her thumb. "I love you too Jasper."

"Don't ever try to kill yourself Alice," I pressed my lips to hers quickly, "please. I couldn't..." I didn't even finish what I was going to say, my thought were too jumbled and all over the place.

"I won't Jasper."

I kissed her harder, climbing so that I was over her then pulled away to look at her. "I'm sorry baby."

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong Jasper."

I pressed my forehead to hers and cupped her face in my hands before placing a gentle kiss on her lips, "I was gonna do it..."

"But you didn't Jasper. Don't you see? You're stronger then the drugs." She smiled at me, "I always knew you were."

I closed my eyes and shook my head; I wasn't stronger, only the voices kept me from doing it. _And if you tell her that she will think you're crazy._ Trying to distract myself, I reached down a little and groped her tit, _mmm... my baby is growing in all the right places_, I opened my eyes and saw she was biting her lip and giving me a lusty smile.

I leaned forward and started nibbling on her earlobe, "Make me forget Kitten, please..." She nodded her head and moved her legs so that her lovely thighs were around mine. I kissed down her cheek and pushed the tight white shirt up over her chest.

"Baby, I think we need to get you some new bras," I licked her partially exposed nipple then pushed the rest of her breast out of the poor one size too small bra.

"Stop fattening me up, babe," she smirked.

I tugged the opposite cup down and sucked, then lightly bit down on her nipple. "I like these too much," I winked at her and squeezed her breasts.

She moaned and arched her back, pushing against me. "Yeah..."

I moved my mouth back to her ear as my fingers worked her nipples. "You like that?" She moaned and nodded her head in response. I ground my hips into hers eliciting a groan to pass through her lips. I felt her hands slide up under my tank as she begged for more. I moved away for a split second to remove the shirt before reattaching my lips to her blissfully smooth and perfect skin.

I dragged my lips further south, my tongue licking a trail down the valley of her breasts to her belly button. I peered up at her through my hair as I shoved her short skirt up even higher and hooked my fingers in the elastic. That's when it dawned on me that only when I was with her did everything truly seemed to slip away. It was like she was some sort of numbing agent and happy pill all in one for me. She really did make all my problems go away, albeit momentarily, but I would take that moment of pure happiness with all the pain this world had to offer as long as it meant being with her.

---

For the next few hours I was just with Alice; in every sense of the word. I brought her to climax over and over again with various parts of my body. Enjoying her, loving her, tasting her, feeling her. She was damn near spent and I had no idea why I was still going strong, every nerve in my body wanted my release like a wrongfully imprisoned man craved his freedom.

I now held her to me on our sides, my arms around her as one hand cupped her breast and the other held fast to her hip as I continued my languid movements. I tried to suck and kiss on her neck, but my rapid panting was making it difficult. I sounding like I was shivering with how hard I was panting and each little ripple of her orgasm aftershock seemed like it would push me just to that brink, only to have me come down a little and shiver-pant some more.

As a means to help me release Alice grasped my hair in one of her hands and pulled on it as she whispered really dirty things in my ear. I could feel the strangest sensation of it relaxing me and riling me up at the same time. My hips started to work like a jackhammer as my hands released their firm hold, cradling her in my arms as I assaulted her from down below. The feel of her spasming around me, her hands tugging on my hair and the sound of her sweet voice saying those terribly dirty things sent me screaming over the edge. Once I was over, I stayed where I was, trying to recover and sighing with relief.

---

I awoke a few hours later, everything was bright and connected and real. Much too real. My heart started to pound and I felt like I was in terrible danger. Not really understanding where the danger was coming from, but everything in my body told me to MOVE. I was terrified, it barely registered to my conscious that I was in bed alone and that I was running into the living room stark naked.

The dead girl from the day before haunted me every time I closed my eyes. Then everyone I cared about turned into that girl and I balled myself up in the corner and screamed an agonizing scream. _No, no, no, no...._ I fisted my hair in my hands and rocked myself back and forth. _I'm going crazy._ I felt my chest heave as the tears spilled over.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and my head jerked to look. It was Alice, dressed in just one of my shirts. She looked like an angel, but more beautiful, it was like I had never truly seen her before this moment and she looked amazing, her skin even seemed like it was glowing. She came over with the throw from the couch and wrapped it around me and held me as I cried.

"I love you," I croaked.

She held me tighter, as if to hug me. "I love you too Jasper, always." I could feel my body shudder as I continued to cry, fully leaning into her comfort. Then once my heart had calmed I faced her and kissed her, wet peck kisses over and over again, her lips responding automatically.

I was so grateful to have her.

---

The next month passed pretty much uneventfully; I got a week off from work and I began seeing a shrink about everything. He wanted me to talk and by this point I was ready, I just wanted someone, anyone really, to fix me.

He prescribed Chlordiazepoxide for severe anxiety and to help me sleep. Why he prescribed something that was habit forming to me was beyond me, but he explained that pretty much any drug would be habit forming for me. I started to take it regularly; I slept well at night and felt pretty good. I knew it was from the drugs though, I got that slightly hazy, dead feeling from it, but I was happy that I didn't have any more episodes where I ended up crying in the corner of the living room.

It had other effects too, I stopped having so many anxiety issues with being out around people, I stopped feeling so judged whenever I went somewhere with Alice and I think she was enjoying the calmer, happier me. Things were good; I had yet to see Bella eat my girl out, but I was patient and she sort of promised for my birthday so I could wait that long. After all my birthday was only about a month away and well, I was fairly sure it would be worth it.

That didn't stop my overactive imagination though. Alice kept having these slumber parties with Bella and they would sleep together in the living room. I swear to Christ I had the hardest time not going out and trying to make Alice into a little sandwich on those days, I wanted to see that shit. Bad.

One night I even dreamed about it and it was so realistic that when I went into the living room the next day I was looking at both girls rather curiously. I think Alice must've caught on to my peculiar mood around them because when I went into the kitchen to make pancakes and eggs her arms wrapped around me the instant the eggs hit the frying pan.

"What'cha thinkin' about Jazzy?" She asked.

I hesitated and placed a hand on top of hers, basically holding her hands in position so she wouldn't leave. "You and Bella," I admitted in a whisper.

I could feel her rest her head against my back. "What about us?"

"You two... together," I shrugged.

"Oh, you mean your not so subtle birthday request?" She teased.

I chuckled then damn near moaned as I felt myself stiffen at the mental image from my dream. The picture of Alice winking at me as Bella's head lowered itself down to Alice's crotch. "Yeah," I gasped and then cleared my throat, "it's pretty hot in my head."

"I'll see what I can do," she said softly before placing a kiss on my back.

I stirred the eggs quickly before I turned to face my girl, "Hey baby... you're the best to me... you know that right? And if you don't wanna I won't hold it against you for sayin no..." I cupped her face and looked down at her beautiful face.

She smiled up at me. "I know you won't make me do it Jazz."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Nothing, why?"

I shrugged and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. "I had a dream about it last night," I admitted while biting my lip.

"Aww and you didn't come get me to help you out when you woke up?" She whined.

I winked at her, "You could still help," I pushed her close to me so she could feel my rapidly growing cock.

She giggled, "Babe... we have company."

"Then what was that crap about helping me out this morning, huh?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes before standing on her toes. "We could have had a quickie this morning," she said softly before kissing me.

"And she can watch now," I quipped back.

"And make her jealous? That doesn't seem fair," she wrinkled her nose at me.

"Why, would she get jealous?" The notion was rather lost on me... I'm a bit of a voyeur and enjoyed watching... but I knew if I watched Alice with another guy I would probably get pissed. Bella couldn't feel that strongly for Alice, could she?

Alice blushed and shook her head. "Nothing, it was a lame joke."

"Oh okay," I turned around so she couldn't see how embarrassed I was that I didn't realize it was a joke. She kissed my back once again before she went back to entertain Bella as I finished making breakfast. I watched the way the girls interacted while we ate and wished like hell my birthday could somehow be bumped up a little. December could not come soon enough.

---

Another month closer to my birthday, Alice and I tried to settle into a normal life together. Now that we were both working we actually had enough money to go out on dates and I started to take her to places I remembered going to back when I was young and hip. Not that I was exceptionally old now, just I was in a completely different place in my life now.

She loved the places I took her, but she always seemed to enjoy the end of the night the best. Well, at least I know I did. I always thought that the sex I had when I was high would be the best sex I would ever have, but that was before I had sex with Alice and before I made love to her.

I think the world stops when I make love to Alice, it's so perfect, so in the moment, so passionate, I could die and be perfectly happy. Mission in life completed; I saw, I conquered, I came. And so did she.

I had this bad feeling though, as if something bad was looming on the horizon. Everything was too perfect, too happy, too calm and I was wondering where my kick in the teeth would come from. Maybe I was just being paranoid, I was told time and again that the shit I was on made you paranoid and maybe this was one of the effects rearing its ugly head.

I had thought it would be the cravings that would do me in. It was getting easier, I had been clean for damn near four months, but there were still points where all I could think about was my next fix and how the fuck I could get it. Some days I would end up crying on Alice's lap because of how badly I wanted it, my stomach all tied up in knots and my mind racing a mile a minute.

Other days were completely fine. I could go to work, work all day, then either go to the therapist or come home then I could even go to the store and pick up things for a special dinner or just fix something out of the fridge and spend time with my lady love. We'd watch movies, play stupid games, fuck, make love, kiss and fuck some more.

I really loved and appreciated those days with her.

Everything seemed to be setting itself up for another one of those really wonderful days that I absolutely loved when I heard a knock on the door. I ignored the sense of foreboding as I walked towards the door and answered it. _Shit. Fuck._ Black hair, coke-head skinny, taller than Alice, brown eyes.

"Jasper, I need to talk to you," Maria's husky voice drifted towards me. I wanted and had every intention of slamming the door in her face, but for some odd reason I invited her in.

_I guess this is the kick I've been waiting for.

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EEP 0.0... let us know what you think will happen next in a review!

And remember we're taking questions for Jasper in the weekly hot seat so jump over to the blog and ask him your question!


	24. The Calm Before The Storm

**Disclaimer: **All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Case in point, don't steal our shit and make a try to make it a crackfic. *pointed look*

**K:** Holy crap a short note from K. Congrats to Makkitotosimew for winning the Support Stacie Vampire Authors Auction, she now owns us and a Criminal Minds inspired fic. Also you have 24hrs to get those questions in for Kitten. Go to http:// alsper. Blogspot. Com to find out how!

**Robs**: alrighty enjoy this chapter! Shout outs to some birthday girls; Conty, Lucy Alyce and Anna! Thank you so much everyone!

**Special thank you to Amber for being our fuckawesome beta even when she's busy, we love yah girlie!

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**The Calm Before The Storm**

_"That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways"_

_~from Fight Club_

The pounding in my head just would not go away. By the time the final bell of the day rang I couldn't take it anymore, I called into work and headed home. I remember mom saying once that headaches like the one I was experiencing were God's way of warning you. I just chalked it up to not sleeping much the night before.

When I got to the apartment, I was surprised to see the Bronco in its parking spot, but remembered it was a half day for the school Jasper was working at. _Good, more time to be with him_, I thought happily as I took the stairs two at a time.

The smile on my face quickly dropped when the form of a dark haired woman exited from _my_ door. She looked up at me with big brown eyes. I suppose if she didn't seem so haggard looking she would be pretty. She gave me a small smile before heading to leave.

_Who the fuck was that and what the fuck was she doing in my apartment?_ I thought as I pushed the front door open. I tossed my bag and keys down as I closed the door, not even bothering to lock the fucker.

_He wouldn't would he?_ My thoughts started racing, accusing him of things he could have been doing with her. I stopped in the living room when I saw him. He was buttoning his jeans.

_Maybe he was in the bathroom. But why would he doing that here? He would have buttoned up in there. _

I just shook my head and went to the room, quickly changing out of my uniform into shorts and a tee. I stood there for a minute just staring at the bed.

_Fuck it, I'm not gonna let that skanky bitch chase me out of my own damn bed._ I thought as I began to strip the sheets off the mattress. _Wonder if he'd be pissed if I burned them... _

"What are you doin'?" He asked in a curious voice. I looked over to see him leaning rather rigidly against the doorframe.

"What's it look like?" I huffed as I tugged the fitted sheet off the corner.

"Like you're getting ready to do some laundry?" He seemed unsure of his answer.

"Yep." I tried not to look at him; I didn't want to lose the nerve I had.

"We just washed those yesterday," again his voice sounded confused.

"Yeah, I know." I told him as I pushed past with the sheets in my arms. _God, I hope she didn't lay her nappy hair on my pillow._

"So why are you washing them?" He sounded like he was a step behind me.

"'Cause you had sex on them," I said simply, trying my best to keep my voice calm as I tossed them in the washer.

"So did you and since when do you care about us fucking on them?" He blocked me in the kitchen by placing his hands on both counters and looked at me with a confused expression.

"Since I saw that skeezy little bitch sneaking out _our _front door." I looked him in the eyes. "Jesus, I would have thought you would fuck around with someone cuter behind my back." I shook my head as I reached for the detergent. "I mean it's all good… Whatever… You need to get yours, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna sleep on the same sheets as _that._ Seriously though? Her?" I made a gagging sound. "Sorry, you know I don't normally think I'm hotter than someone else, but please tell me you agree that I look somewhat better than her!" I looked over at him to see an amused look in his eyes.

"You're really cute when you're jealous you know that?" His voice was hard to read, but his eyes were playful.

I rolled my eyes. "Jealous? I'm not jealous Jasper." I slammed the lid to the washer down. _Okay, maybe I was a __little__ jealous…_

He chuckled, "Oh I disagree, baby, you're like crouching tiger, hissing kitten pissed." He took a step closer to me and tilted his head to look at me. "So what are you gonna do next? Drag me to the room and mark me as yours?"

I could feel my anger start to waver at his close proximity. "No, you probably still have that whore all over you." I said backing up slightly.

He smirked at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "So that's it, eh? You're convinced I fucked Maria?" He backed me up against the wall.

_Holy fucking shit... THAT was Maria?!_ I screamed in my head as my eyes widened at him.

"What if you're wrong? What makes you think I would do something like that to you, after everything we've been through?" His voice had gone dangerously quiet and that glint was replaced with something a little...different and hard to read.

"Am I wrong?" I asked weakly.

"Extremely," he placed his hands on the wall on either side of my shoulders and he leaned down so he could look directly into my eyes.

"Oh... then why was she here?"

"She's in NA; she had to apologize to me... make amends..." He gave me a rather hard look. "She has HIV."

"I'm sorry," I said softly before looking away from the intensity of his look.

"I'm not," his voice was really quiet, almost as if he didn't want me to hear what he said. "I have to get tested again, but it's been awhile since we did anything and I've been showin' up clean..." He placed his face in the crook of my neck. "I swear, if..." He trailed off and I heard his voice break, "I'll kill her myself."

I wrapped my arms around him. "It'll be okay Jazzy..."

"I always used a condom and I never took blood from her," he sounded almost like he was trying to reassure himself as he pulled me to him and began sobbing.

"Babe..." I said softly just holding him. "It'll be okay. Carlisle would have told you if something was wrong."

He nodded his head, "I know... I'm just really freaked out..." He shook his head and then looked towards the floor. "I can't believe you thought I would sleep with her."

I chewed my lip, trying to think of how to put it without flat out saying that didn't trust him. "I'm just not thinking straight today. Sorry." _Yeah like that's any better._

He cupped my face in his hands and looked down at me, all his hurt, confusion, pain and love was right there at the surface. "I love you," he said in a meaningful voice.

I reached up and kissed him hard and forcefully before pulling away to look at him. "I love you," I told him before placing my head on his chest to hide my silent tears.

_Something was wrong_.

-----

The next couple of days were stressful. Jasper went to Carlisle and got tested again, and even with Carlisle insistence that things would be okay, I could still see how worried Jasper was. Although, he seemed to calm down when I consented to be tested as well.

Before I knew it, the days were creeping closer and closer to Thanksgiving. I didn't know how I'd managed to lose track of time like I had, but it wasn't until Esme called me about Jasper's birthday that I finally remembered to check the date.

"You know Jazz, I should get a calendar to hang up in the apartment somewhere." I teased as I sat down on the couch next to him.

He laughed, "Oh yeah? You think so?"

"Yes. So... What do you want to do for your birthday good lookin'?" I asked as I tucked the blanket around me, because as usual the normal weather for Seattle, it was raining and fucking cold.

"You... naked on my bed... with Bella's head between your thighs," he gave me a wry smile.

I just shook my head and looked out the window, lately the whole threesome thing had been bothering me, I just couldn't pinpoint why. "Besides that Jazz... Esme wants to have a family thing but she wanted me to talk to you first. To see if you want to spend the actual day with just me, or have the family gathering that night."

I heard him swallow next to me, "I don't really wanna do anything for my birthday other than hang with you..." He said quietly.

I nodded. I could understand that. "Oh, did I tell you? Ms. Winters wants to showcase some of my work." I looked up at him and smiled. "She said there were a select few that she was gonna showcase for the winter auction and I'm one of the artists she had in mind."

He grinned at me, "Really? That's awesome baby!" He looked thrilled for me. "We should go see it together... or I should go support you, or whatever."

Again I nodded, "Yes. I have to be there to explain my work if there are any questions," I explained rolling my eyes. "But you need to show 'cause there's a picture with you in it." I said in a bit of a rush.

He studied me for a minute, "A picture of me? What kind of picture?" His voice was even and calm.

I gave a nervous laugh, "The future? Hold on, I'll show you." I told him, getting up to get my bag. It wasn't a big deal as far as my drawings go, just us dancing at some dance or event. At least I think it's us. It's definitely him though.

I grabbed my sketch book off out of the bag and flipped to the page as I sat down. "I know that's you, 'cause the smile." I told him as I handed him the book.

He studied the page and I could see the corner of his mouth curl up into a smile. "And that has to be you, I'd know you anywhere." He pointed to the drawing.

I smiled at him before looking back down at the drawing. "But why would I have short hair?" I asked. I didn't expect him to have answer for it, it just seemed curious to me that I would cut it.

He shrugged and then pushed my hair off my neck, "Better access?" He nibbled a little and then made his way up to my ear, making me giggle. "I miss making love to you Alice," he whispered.

I closed my eyes and leaned into him. I missed it too, but with the results not back yet, he'd been freaked out about certain things. "Did Carlisle call with the results today?" I asked.

He nodded, his hair tickled my neck and I giggled again. "We're clean," he wrapped his arms around me and I could tell he was relieved, like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders. "We're clean," he mumbled against my skin again. Almost as if he could hardly believe it.

I moved in his arms, pushing the book off his lap before climbing in it. "I told you it would be okay," I said, looking into his eyes.

He rested his forehead on mine, "I know... I was just afraid." His eyes fluttered shut as did mine and I felt his lips tenderly press against mine. I shifted my weight to move a bit only to find his arms wrapped tightly around me. Slowly he pushed his tongue into my mouth, caressing my tongue with his, seeming to just want to enjoy our kiss just as much as I was.

His arms loosened their grip on me and I could feel him move me so that the cool leather of the couch pressed against my back and he was supporting his weight on his forearms, his mouth never moving from mine. I felt the couch shift a little as his hand made contact with my leg, cupping the calf so he could pull my leg up over his hip and settle himself between my thighs.

Once he made himself comfortable he moved his mouth to my jaw, going almost torturously slow as he kissed his way along it to my ear. I pushed my hips up to grind against him and moaned slightly as I released the slightest bit of pressure before he forced my hips down rather quickly.

"Kitten..." He growled.

"What?" I pouted.

"Slow, we haven't done this in awhile... I want to savor you," his accent was so thick, it sent shivers down my spine.

I bit my lip and nodded, hoping he wasn't going to tease too much. He resumed kissing my jaw, sucking lightly on the tat behind my ear before he pushed his bulge into my crotch, making me moan loudly. Things seemed to speed up from there. His hands started to move and his mouth, while it never broke contact from my skin, moved to various parts of my body where he would stop and suck, bite or kiss at my overheated flesh.

I was almost to the point of begging when he pulled away and quickly removed his shirt and pants, leaving him in his boxers when he came back down to 'savor' me some more.

"Jasper... please," I whined. I couldn't take his teasing any more. He looked at me for a minute then hooked his fingers into the sides of my panties, sitting on his knees as he slowly pulled them off my hips and down my thighs. I tried to grab at him but he was too quick for me. He grabbed my hands and hoisted them above my head before collecting both wrists in the same hand.

He smirked at me slightly as I felt his free hand travel along my body, pausing here and there to pinch or tease me some more. I honestly thought he was trying to drive me crazy, but then his hand moved away and I felt a bit of pressure against my entrance as he slide himself almost effortlessly into me. I could feel my whole body relax, as if every cell of my being was wound to the point of exploding and just being connected to Jasper this way, was enough to keep me from self destructing.

His fingers laced with my fingers on the corresponding hand and my other hand immediately went to his back. For a time the only sounds in the room were the joining and rejoining of our bodies, our gasps when we would move and hit a new and better spot or a different angle, and become completely absorbed by one another once again. He buried his face in my neck as we continued our movement, his groans and loving murmurings muffled by my skin.

I could feel the coil tightening in the pit of my stomach and almost as if he could feel it too he moved slightly, putting more pressure on my bundle of nerves as he picked up the pace. It was no longer an act of lovemaking; it was now an almost frenzied attempt for release. We were both near our peaks and we both wanted it.

I could hear his whispered pleas in my ear for me to cum and I was trying desperately to get there. After a panted string of profanities he was suddenly slamming his hips hard against mine, his orgasm bringing me to my own and letting me ride it out on his half spent dick. Once I was finished he carefully pulled out of me and kissed me gently again.

"I love you Alice."

As I had agreed with Esme, I made desert for Thanksgiving. By my second attempt at pumpkin pie, I was ready to say fuck it and buy desert from Miss. Conty. Of course Jasper had ways to distract me and by the time I went back to work all failed attempts were forgotten.

I think a large part of me was being self conscious. This was the first time I was going to be spending a family holiday with all of The Cullen family, Rosalie included. So I was creating this false sense of pressure to make sure things were perfect. Granted Jasper didn't help any when he informed me that Esme usually does dinner all on her own.

But I did it. I managed to get two pumpkin pies and a blueberry cobbler done and perfect. I just hoped they would be well received by others.

When we arrived at the house, the sounds of children's laughter and Emmett's shouting greeted us. I was curious as to what Emmett seemed so upset about, but soon realized that it was the football game that had him hot under the collar.

Jasper helped me carry the deserts into the kitchen where we were greeted with a warm welcome from Esme and a... lukewarm... welcome from Rose. I made myself busy putting the pies away and watched as she and Jasper interacted. This was the first time I had seen them together since I've known him and I was curious.

"How are the girls?" Jasper asked politely.

"You can see for yourself," Rosalie smiled as she said it but her tone was clipped. After a moment of quiet, Rosalie continued. "How are you?"

"Doin' good," he nodded his head slightly and smiled. I guess she wasn't immune to his smile either because I saw the corner of her mouth turn up slightly at that.

Then she did something completely unexpected, to me at least, she reached over and hugged Jasper, and he hugged back. They held on for a few moments and then let go simultaneously before Rosalie said she needed to go check on the girls and left.

I looked over at Esme quickly to see her smiling at the vegetables she was chopping, before looking over at Jasper. I gave him what I hoped to be an encouraging smile. He smiled back and then wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace.

"What are you smiling so big about?" He asked me, amusement coloring his tone.

"Nothing," I said burying my face in his chest. I felt him kiss the crown of my head and then rock me back and forth slightly. "So, what'cha making?" He asked in a sing song voice.

I looked up at him. "Me? I... uh..." I looked over at Esme. "What am I making?" I couldn't believe I didn't think to ask if she needed help.

"Nothing," she chuckled, "I'm making sweet potatoes."

"Do you need help with anything else?" I asked her.

"No dear, thank you for asking," she smiled at me before turning back to her task at hand.

I looked back up at Jasper. "Well, now what?"

He looked over at his mom, "Can I show her?" Esme looked at me then back at him before nodding. "Come on, I have something I want you to see." He smiled wickedly at me.

I followed him, wondering what on earth had him so excited. "Jazz, where are we going?" I asked him as he helped me with my coat.

"You'll see," he said as he pulled his own coat on and took my hand, leading me out the back door. He walked steadily, directly behind the house and into the woods behind it; never detouring from a path I was assuming only he could see. I kept trying to look ahead and let out a small gasp when I saw a small house appear in the distance. The outside was entirely covered in stone, making it fit in perfectly with the woods.

"It's a house?" I whispered. _No shit, Sherlock. _

He nodded, "This one is Edward's," he said as he led me up to the front door and fumbled in his pocket for a second before producing a key. "I'm actually kinda surprised he didn't show you this himself."

"You have a key to Ed's house?" I raised my eyebrow up at him. "Wait, since when was this Ed's? I thought he lived with Esme and Carlisle?"

"It's a master key..." He smiled at me. "And it's in renovations... Mom has been working on it, but Edward is rather picky, so it's taking awhile." He opened the door for me and waved me inside ahead of him.

I walked in and taking in the surroundings; plank woods floors, exposed beam ceilings, textured walls. Honestly it looked more like a hunting cabin than a home.

"Interesting..." I said before chewing on my cheek. He looked around briefly before nodding and holding out his hand.

"It's his graduation gift," he said in a soft voice.

I put my hand in his and gave him a small smile. "Better than a car," I joked lamely.

He chuckled, "Definitely better than a car." He seemed to be considering something for a second before he tugged me left and through a partially constructed kitchen and out the side door. We walked through the forest for a bit before I saw a small white building that matched the house Carlisle and Esme lived in with white siding and a beautiful front porch. Jasper stopped just before the little path and looked at the house.

"Who's is this?" I asked looking up at him, trying to figure out what was going on in his head.

"Mine," he said quietly, sounding almost ashamed. _But_ _why?_

"It's beautiful Jazzy... Do you have a key?" I asked hopeful.

He nodded and showed me the key he had used for Edward's house. "Master key..."

"Well come on," I said pulling his hand as I walked backwards along the path, making him come with me. "I wanna see your house."

He blushed lightly and looked at the ground, "Okay..." He walked with me up to the door and unlocked it letting us both in. It was... much less impressive than Edward's.

"They haven't begun renovating it, other than to replace the roof and siding." He told me with a small embarrassed smile.

I shook my head and stood in the middle of the front room. I closed my eyes and could see us here, decorating a Christmas tree, laughing, happy, and peaceful. I could feel the smile form on my face at the thought.

"You like it?" He asked in an almost wondrous voice.

I looked over at him and smiled. "I do."

He smiled and tugged my hand, "Watch your step, I don't know if they replaced the flooring yet or not." He showed me where the kitchen would be. It was tiny and it had nothing but a sink at the moment, but Jasper seemed to get a little excited as he talked about it. Then he pulled me down a short hall and showed me two rather small rooms. One, he informed me, would become a bathroom and then showed me the bedroom. The entire place was definitely a diamond in the rough, but I could see us in it. "What do you think?" He asked with a weak smile.

"I think it's gonna be perfect," I told him honestly. "It's like you, just needs a little love and a lot of patience," I teased.

He smirked at me before pulling me in close to him, "Oh yeah? I need lots of patience?" He rubbed his nose against mine.

"Yep, 'cause you're a butt head," I laughed unable to be serious. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Thank you for showing me this."

"Thank you for letting me show you," he said seriously then kissed me firmly on the lips. "We should probably get headed back before they wonder what we're up to out here," he said with a wink.

"Hmmm... sex in the forest... Well, that just got added to my 'must try once' list." I teased before turning to leave.

"Mine too," he mused as he followed me.

Dinner wasn't quite ready when we got to back to the house. The minute we came in through the back door, a chorus of voices shouted 'Uncle Jazz!' before pouncing on him. I walked over to the couch and watched as the girls took turns bringing their uncle to his knees, all the while Jasper laughed and tickled them. Eventually the girls had succeeded and managed to dog pile on him.

"The girls really love him," a voice said from beside me. I jumped slightly, not realizing that Rose was sitting next to me.

"I can tell," I said giving her a small smile as Amber placed her little hands on Jasper's face and gave him a very serious look. "I wonder what she's telling him," I mused out loud.

"Probably something insightful, kids are good at that. They don't bullshit you," she smiled a little. "They are completely pure and will say exactly what they think."

"It can also be a learned behavior, or so I've been taught. And I know you and Emmett don't normally hold back your thoughts." I gave her a small smile to tell her that I wasn't trying to be mean.

"All kids are like that, censoring before you speak is a learned behavior... a behavior I have yet to master," she smiled knowingly at me.

I laughed a little and shrugged. "That's what makes you unique."

She patted my knee, "You mean that's what makes me a bitch?"

I laughed, "Your words not mine."

She laughed and nodded her head. We sat and watched the girls some more. Laughing as Anna and Amber chased each other around while Kayla cuddled up to Jasper. He looked over at us and smiled. It was official, this Thanksgiving I was thankful for this moment. Seeing Jasper happy and with his family.

Dinner was great. I think I spent more time laughing at Emmett and Edward as they fought over who cheated with the wishbone. Jasper got a big laugh out of me when I ducked from Emmett's threat of throwing mashed potatoes at me after I called him a sore loser. _What? I thought he was really going to do it._

I also learned Esme's secret as to why she doesn't let any of the men help with dinner. They get to clean up while she and Rose enjoy cider by the fire. I tried offering to help with the clean up, but was promptly escorted out by Jasper. By escorted, I mean he picked me up and carried me out to join Esme and Rose. Everyone got a good chuckle out of it. I was not amused.

Slowly the night started to wind down. Each of Emmett and Rose's girls fell asleep in someone's lap. I couldn't help smiling when I realized how attached Kayla was to Jasper and clearly little Anna was 'daddy's little girl' as she was currently sleeping on her papa's lap, as Amber picked to sleep with her head on Ed's. I rested my head against Jasper's shoulder, completely content and happy.

---

I had Saturday off, _thank God_, so I decided to spend the day being domestic. That morning Jasper had gone to run a few errands while I worked on my school work. Once he got home, I helped him put the groceries away before he went to take a shower. I started cleaning out the pockets of his jeans as I got them ready for the laundry, expecting to find the usual suspects like loose change, the balled up shopping list and his lighter, but it was the plastic bag my fingers touched on that wasn't usual.

I pulled the plastic from his pocket and dropped his jeans in shock for what awaited me, it was the last thing I thought I would see.

_I trusted him_.

_I believed him_.

I looked back at the pale rock in my hand. _He lied, every word... every promise... all of it, a lie.

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**Robs**: So... that was an interesting end of a chapter eh?

**K**: ***snorts*** I suppose

**Robs**: Wonder if it's his...

**K**: ***shrugs***

**Robs**: Leave us a review and let us know what **YOU** think.

**K**: And don't forget to go to the blog and ask Kitten anything! ***throws up peace sign*** later!

**Robs**: deuces and I'm out ***runs away***


	25. Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

**Disclaimer: We don't own twilight or the characters, the plot however is ours :)**

**Robs: JPOV, Alice found a meth rock in his pocket, some of y'all were condemning him, some of y'all think it was planted, we shall find out soon. Just a warning: fucking angsty as hell.**

**K: Tissue warnings might be needed, tis all I can say**

**Special thanks to our beta Amber who makes sure our shizz is nice and easy to read.**** (Even when her heart is breaking)

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**Chapter 24- Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away**

_I wondered vaguely if this was when it would end, whether I would pull up tonight's darkness like a quilt and be dead and at peace evermore.  
__**William Manchester**_

I woke up with a face full of Alice's hair and smiled, burying my face even deeper before I kissed the nape of her neck. She giggled in response and turned to face me, eyes dancing and alive. I felt a sudden stab of pain mixed with a bit of pleasure and looked down to see she had my exposed nipple between her forefinger and her thumb.

I growled playfully at her before assaulting her neck and collarbone with kisses and loving bites before I pulled away and told her that I had to go do some stuff for the day. She accepted without a moment's hesitation. Maybe she's finally starting to trust me, I thought as I pulled my clothes on and headed out the door to Larry's.

I knew going to Larry's was probably not the smartest thing in the world, but he was the only person I could think of who would tattoo me for free. Larry was one of the people on my do not contact list, but I couldn't think of anyone else, so Larry it was.

When I got there his "old lady" made me tamales and told me how proud she was of me because I was staying away from the crap. Loretta set everything up in Larry's makeshift tattoo parlor in his garage before sending me out there.

"What'cha here for man?" Larry seemed to have aged in the past few months. I sat down in the chair and held out my left arm palm up.

"I want a sun, tatted up right here," I pointed to my wrist.

"A sun motherfucker?" He gave me an amused look as I nodded. "You went all soft for pussy bro," he shook his head as he pulled gloves on and set up his equipment.

"I don't think so," my voice was quiet and even. His eyebrows furrowed as he studied me.

"You're different."

My green eyes met his brown ones and I nodded slowly. "This is me," I said simply. He seemed to accept that and wiped my wrist down with an alcohol wipe.

"A sun?" He asked one more time. I nodded. "I'm gonna freehand this shit you okay with that?" I nodded again and then heard the machine turn on and felt the tiny scratching sensations as the ink was etched into my skin.

For a short time I simply sat watching as he methodically drew a thick black circle on my wrist, occasionally wiping blood away with a wet nap. "Can I ask why you're getting a sun?" His voice was quiet and crisp.

"For Alice," I murmured.

He didn't move at all as he said his next words, "Told yah, you went soft for pussy."

I chuckled. "And I still don't think I have, I wanna live for her." He glanced up at me and smiled. "I wanna marry her," I added quietly.

"Yeah?" He looked up at me again and I nodded before looking down to see him doing lines around the outside. It looked a little like a child's rendition of a sun, minus the smiley face and a hell of a lot less scribble-like.

When he was finished I was still bleeding a bit so he doctored me up with some ointment and gauze. I smiled to myself as I pulled my sleeve down over the gauze, I couldn't wait to show Alice, I bet she'll be all fucking tickled pink when she sees it. Larry looked over at me and smirked before he held up a baggie. _Fuck. Fuck, fuck._

"Wanna smoke with me?" My mind answered with a resounding yes. I could feel my heart race with anticipation and I licked my lips.

Then Alice popped into my head, her thick black hair and her bright blue eyes, that cute as fuck smile where she bites her lip. I smiled a little at the image. "No thanks man, I'm cool."

His eyebrows shot up, "Damn, I didn't think you had it in you."

_Neither did I,_ I shrugged and smiled. "I wanna be a good man for her," I explained with a rather weak smile.

He nodded his head, "So you gonna propose and whatnot?"

I felt the heat rise to my face and shoved my hands in my pockets as I shrugged. "I dunno man, I gotta get the money first."

He studied me for a moment. "If I gave you a diamond would it help?" this time it was my turn to give him a funny look.

"You have diamonds?" My voice sounded as shocked as I felt.

He nodded, "I have diamonds. Nothing impressive, but I could give you one."

I thought about it, if I had a diamond I could make her a ring, I studied a bit of jewelry making while in rehab and figured why the fuck not. "Yeah," I nodded and he waved me over to the back right corner of his garage. He opened a small locking drawer and amongst piles of cash I saw them, tiny sparkling diamonds.

"How'd you get these?" I wondered aloud as I picked one up and studied it in the light.

"Some sick fuck didn't have enough to pay me for his shit... so he pulled the diamonds out of his old lady's stuff and gave it to me." He shrugged as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

"I can have this?" I showed him the diamond, it was the biggest in the drawer and he nodded.

"Definitely man," he put it into a small baggie that usually held rocks of crystal.

"Larry," Loretta hissed from the doorway startling me as I shoved the baggy in my pocket.

"What Loretta, can't you see-"

"The D.E.A. is here," she hissed again. We both stared at her in shock as we registered what she said_. Oh fuck!_ I could hear them outside talking quietly and I could feel all the hair on my skin stand on end.

"Take this please," Larry's eyes were huge as he shoved something in my pocket, I nodded and he shoved me out the back door into his backyard just as I heard them bust into the house. I ran as fast as I could across the lawn, squeezed through the slat in the neighbors fence and tried to walk as calmly as possible down the next street.

My heart pounded in my chest as I continued to stroll down the street, trying to appear casual. I waited up the block from Larry's - and my Bronco - watching with a few of their neighbors as the D.E.A. arrested Larry and Loretta and C.P.S. took their kids away in a car. I knew that shit right there would tear Loretta up. She was a good lady, she didn't sell that shit or cook it so I was fairly sure she'd get out of the ordeal and get her kids back. Larry however, I wasn't so sure about.

I could hear the neighbors speculating around me about what must've gone down, but I ignored them and lit up a cigarette. _They didn't know shit._ Especially when the women started to hate on Loretta, _who the fuck were these women?_

Eventually the D.E.A. left and the commotion around me died down and I felt it was safe to go get my car. I was kind of pissed at the time because I had planned on getting a present for Alice for being so good to me these past few months, but I didn't have the time now. I smacked the steering wheel in frustration as I drove to the grocery store.

---

When I got home I was so happy to see Alice. She helped me upstairs with the groceries and I stopped for a minute just to kiss her, long, soft, adoring kisses before I went to the bedroom. I made sure to hide the diamond in my old stash box and then took a shower.

When I got out I expected to have dinner with my lady and fuck her long and hard against the nearest wall. Instead when I got out, she was waiting for me, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. She was positively pissed.

"S'up baby?" I asked as I shrugged my long sleeved tee over my head.

"Where'd you go today?"

_Um fuck._ "Larry's," I mumbled.

She nodded. "Yeah, Larry's. Was it worth it?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, confused, "Um... What?"

She tossed a baggie down on the coffee table, "That. Was it worth it? All the shit we've gone through just to fuck it up again?"

I looked at the baggie for a second. _Fuck. Larry shoved the meth in my pocket_. "That's not mine," I told her honestly.

"Like you didn't fuck Maria right?" She laughed bitterly. "I don't get it. I finally trust you again... I'm such an idiot."

"What?!" I shouted. I hadn't fucked Maria, and it wasn't mine. "I fucking promise, it ain't mine!" I yelled at her.

"Then why is it in your pants Jasper?!" She yelled back.

"'Cause Larry put it there," _okay that explanation sounded pretty lame._

"Do you hear yourself? I'm supposed to believe that?" She shook her head and stormed off towards the bedroom. "I can't do this again Jazz, I can't watch you try to kill yourself again."

"Alice!" I grabbed her arm and spun her around, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm giving you space," she said softly as her voice broke. "You need to figure out what you really want."

"I want you," I whispered.

She took a shaky breath and looked away. "I'm sorry," she whispered, freeing herself from my grip.

"You don't believe me?" I asked in a quivering voice and I fought back the tears as I realized what she was saying.

"I... I want to Jasper..." She quickly turned, going to the dresser.

"You don't trust me?" I asked quietly as I watched her toss her things into her bag. I eyed the bag angrily as if this was it's fault.

"You don't trust me either, so I think we're pretty even there..." She said between sniffles.

_What?_ "I trust you," I growled, crossing my arms.

She turned and glared at me through her tears. "Like hell you do. If you did, you wouldn't have gotten drunk. If you did, I wouldn't be walking on fucking egg shells around you when there is a man anywhere near me."

_Ah hell, she's crying._ I felt my anger evaporating, "Alice..." I stepped towards her cautiously.

She just shook her head and shoved past me to go back into the living room. "Want to prove to me that you aren't a lying son of a bitch?!" She shouted.

"What?" _I'll do anything._

"Get rid of it! You _claim_ that you don't want the shit and it's not yours. So be a fucking man and flush it. _Now._" She held the baggie out at me as her eyes narrowed accusingly.

"I...I can't..." I stuttered out, my eyes blinking back tears.

"Because you want it right?" She sneered at me. "Cause it means more to you then I _ever_ fucking did right?"

"What?" _I quit for her, what the fuck was she talking about?_ She headed for the bathroom still holding the baggie in her hand. _Oh fuck._ "No Alice, don't do that!" I yelled and grabbed her arm.

"If it's not yours then why can't I?" She asked in a rather curt tone.

_He'll kill me,_ "It's not mine!" I pleaded with her trying to grab the bag from her hand.

She tossed the baggy to the bath room floor as I watched a tear trail down her cheek. "I don't believe you... I can't do this Jasper."

I felt my chin quiver. "Please Alice...don't..." She pulled out of my arms and grabbed her bag, tossing it over her shoulder as she turned the doorknob. I slammed my hand against the door, shutting it and keeping her inside with me. "Alice, I'll do whatever you want, please don't leave..." I sounded pathetic begging like that.

I heard her take a shaky breath before she whispered, "I can't Jazz... Not again," and she pulled the door open hard enough to knock me back. She didn't look back as she left.

_She left._

---

I sat in the entry looking at the door for God knows how long. She left.

_She left. _

_She left._

And with her, she took the best part of me. I knew this was a fact. She was a part of me, and without her I could not live. I didn't want to live.

I wouldn't live. I went to my bathroom and grabbed the pointless medications. The pointless downers to keep me calm, the pointless little pills that were supposed to make me normal for her. Then I headed towards the kitchen.

I looked at the labels on the prescription bottles, Chlordiazepoxide and Vicodin. _I shall slip forever into oblivion_. I poured the bottles into a bowl and stared at them. 'Was it worth it?' Alice's voice spat at me, full of malice and spite even in my memories. Her face, everything was contorted into hate. Alice hates me. I picked up the spoon and crushed the pills into powder. I wished, more than anything, I had never gone to Larry's.

I reached into the cabinet and pulled down a glass. It had sunflowers on it; it was one of Alice's glasses, how ironic. I placed it on the counter, the gentle thunk the only noise in my soundless, existence-less apartment. I picked up the bowl and dumped the power in the glass. 'Like you didn't fuck Maria right?' Alice's angry voice spat at me again as I reached into the freezer, grabbing the remainder of the bottle of Smirnoff's I had stashed in there.

I pressed my lips to the tattoo on my wrist. _One last kiss for my sunshine_, then I picked up a picture from the entry table and went back to the kitchen. I raised my glass and toasted the picture. It was one of my favorites, Alice's bright and smiling face beaming up at the camera, inadvertently showing off a little cleavage. My girl. _She's not mine anymore_.

_May you find a man that kisses and touches you the right way. May you find a better man than me. I love you, Alice._ I prayed silently to her, tears stinging my eyes as I downed the glass, swallowing quickly.

I sat the glass on the counter and the room started to spin almost at once. I thought I was going to be sick, but then, all faded to black.

_I love you, Alice.

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End Note: *sniffles* remember the prologue when you review.


	26. Broken Glass

**Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. _In other words:_**_ **Twilight characters are SM's, the plot and other characters ARE OURS.**_

**K**: So as many have guessed we are coming close to the prologue. There's shit that's gotta happen. Don't hate on the people or their choices. If you get squicked out by cutting or any hinting to the fact, don't read this. If you think you can handle it, don't bitch in your review. Just sayin.

**Robs**: Alright, thanks so much for all the reviews! They mean so much to us we're at **984!!!** Oh my god ALMOST A THOUSAND! That is so amazing and we are so touched!

**Thanks as always to our amazing beta Amber we love yah lady!

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**Broken Glass**

_Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts._  
_ ~Author Unknown_

I tried my best to keep my composure, I didn't need the nosey bitch from down the hall seeing me having a break down over this. _Who was I kidding? She probably saw this coming_. After all, he said it himself. He's a Junkie.

I made it half way down the flight of stairs before I collapsed. I hugged my knees tight to my chest, hoping they would muffle the sound of my sobs. _I can't believe I'm doing this... leaving him._ I just couldn't be his second choice anymore and I most certainly could not stand by and watch him kill himself.

Slowly, I pulled myself up, my heart was screaming at me to turn around and go back up the stairs, back to the only person I've ever loved or cared about.

_No, if he wants me, he'll come for me..._

_Keep telling yourself that_.

I pushed my way out of the building, the icy rain chilling me to bone as it hid my tears from the people passing by in their rain coats and umbrellas.

Where do I go from here? I just left the only home I've ever truly felt at home with. Maybe I can crash at Bella's until I get the funds to get my own place? Or maybe Esme knows somewhere cheap I can rent out?

_But first I needed to get the fuck out of this cold._

I walked over to the bus stop on the corner, the shelter protecting me from the rain as I pulled out my cell and called the only person I could think of.

"Hello?" The chipper voice of my best friend answered. _Great_.

"Can I talk to Ed?" I whispered.

"Al? Babe, are you okay?" I could hear the concern in her voice, fueling more tears.

"Yes," I lied shaking my head as my voice broke. I could hear muffled talking before the phone was passed. I didn't even wait for Edward to say anything. "You were right," I told him, "I wasn't enough."

-----

When we got to the Cullen house, Esme gave me a hug before watching me walk up the stairs. Bella carried my things and started to head to the room I had taken residency in the last time Jasper and I broke up. I just shook my head and went into Jasper's room. I wasn't ready to be completely without him, not just yet.

She tried her best to get me to tell her what happened, but I didn't want to talk about it. It was like if I said it out loud, it would make things that much more real.

"You're gonna have to tell us eventually Alice," Bella said finally, after hours of silence. I rolled over to look at her and noticed Edward had joined our little love fest.

"I'm not gonna talk about it okay? Just know that it's over. We're over. That's all you need to know."

"No, that's not it. What happened? Esme is worried sick, Alice." Bella prodded. _Damn nosey best friend_. I looked over at Edward to see if he would help me out and maybe shut Bella up, but he just leaned against the door frame.

"First, Esme doesn't need to know. If Jasper wants her to know, he can tell her."

"How was Edward right?" Bella asked cutting me off.

I glared at Edward then looked at her, "Because he brought the fucking drugs back into our house! Not once, Bella, but twice! Get out, I don't want to talk about this anymore," I said, getting off the bed quickly and pointing at the door.

Bella looked like a scolded puppy, but nodded her head and got up to leave. I locked eyes with Edward. "Do _not_ tell Esme." I warned him.

"I won't," he promised quietly as he left and closed the door behind him.

-----

I honestly think I was just running on auto-pilot; I went to school, did my assignments and home work, went to work and feigned happiness. I don't even remember pulling the razor out of the box cutter at work, and I certainly don't remember coming into the bathroom with it that night.

It's been three days since I left home. _Seventy-two hours and counting._ He hasn't called. He hasn't come over. Nothing.

_He didn't want me. He didn't need me._

I thought the feel of the cool blade piercing my skin would ease the pain. It did kinda, but it also made things worse too. I felt like I was a big baby again, hiding from the monsters and punishing myself for crying.

I'm not sure when I blacked out or why. Whether it was from all the pain I was feeling or maybe this one time I did it wrong and cut too deep, but I did and the darkness consumed me, swallowing me whole.

"Damn it, not you too," I heard someone growl as I felt pressure on my wrists, before the darkness consumed me again.

When I opened my eyes I was greeted by the grey interior of a car. I moved to sit up, applying pressure to my hand.

"Fuck!" I cried out in pain and grabbed my wrist.

"Lay back down!" Edward growled at me.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked him.

"The hospital," he said in a firm tone.

"Why? Is it bad?" I asked again as I tried to pull the gauze back on one of them.

"No, you could just bleed to death at any moment," he spat sarcastically. "Stop picking at them!"

"Fuck! Sorry." I glared at the back of his head. "You're a doctor; why not just stitch me up where you found me?"

"'Cause I don't have the proper tools at home!" He yelled.

"Why are you yelling at me?" I asked the hurt in my voice evident.

"Because what you did was incredibly stupid," he growled through his teeth.

"I was just trying to ease the pain..." I defended, willing myself not to cry. "You wouldn't understand."

"You're right, I don't," he said quietly as he pulled into a parking spot.

"I didn't mean..." The slamming of his door made me flinch. He opened the door and helped me out of the car. We walked silently into the ER.

Once inside, he pointed at one of the chairs in the waiting room before flashing his I.D at the security guard and going through the doors.

I totally expected to wait, but he soon returned with a wheelchair. "You do realize I can walk right?" I asked him. He didn't answer me, he curtly pointed to the wheelchair. He obviously wasn't speaking to me. I sat down in the chair with a huff.

"I'm not a child. Ignoring me won't make me go away," I pouted rather childishly.

"As soon as you stop acting like one, I'll stop treating you like one," he whispered in my ear.

I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him.

Once in a room, he got right to work. Neither of us said a word. When he was finished giving me a total of eleven stitches, he told me to sit tight.

About twenty minutes later a different doctor came in. She was tall and very attractive with auburn hair and violet eyes. _Contacts,_ I mused.

"Alice Brandon?" She asked looking down at her chart.

"Uh huh."

"I'm Dr. Heidi Higgins," she introduced herself with a smile. I just nodded at her to continue. "Doctor Cullen recommended that you and I have a chat."

"Uh huh," I responded, skeptically raising an eyebrow at her as she moved closer to attach a medical bracelet around my wrist.

"Don't worry Alice, I just want to help."

Until she said that, I hadn't been sure what kind of doctor she was. But those words were like the kiss of death. "A shrink?! Edward thinks I need a shrink?!"

"Sweetie calm down, we're just concerned and want to give you the best possible care."

"Bullshit! He thinks I was trying to kill myself!" _Of course now the traitorous bastard shows his face._ "This!" I hissed in his direction, lifting my bandaged wrists at him. "Is _not_ a fouled attempt at suicide _Dr. Cullen_."

"And that's why you're going to come upstairs with me Alice, so we can talk about it." Dr. feel-good-or-what-the-fuck-ever interjected.

"Fine, I'll talk. I'm not fucking crazy. And I didn't try to kill myself." I growled and got off the bed, glaring at Edward.

"Alice, I love you and I won't let you do this anymore..." Edward's voice was firm and his eyes were full of sorrow, "I'm sorry."

I scoffed, "Right. You Love me. Okay, if you say so." I said pushing past him.

"If I didn't, I'd be fine watching you hurt yourself," he said to my retreating form. "Eventually you'll see that I'm right."

I turned to face him, "Oh yeah, that's right, 'cause you know everything. Apparently I don't ever listen to you so why do you bother?" I just shook my head and jogged to the elevator. I didn't want to hear anymore.

-----  
Dr. Higgins didn't get much out of me and I in return didn't get much out of her. Not only was I "recommended" for a psych evaluation, but I was also placed under suicide watch.

Apparently they really don't like it when you don't explain why you were using your arm as a cutting board. But fuck! What was I supposed to say? That rather than deal with the pain of a broken heart, I wanted physical pain, because that's what I'm used to? Or that I'm just like _him_, I hide by doing destructive things, because I can't deal with reality.

_Yeah right, then I would be wearing the 'oh so fashionable' white coat with the arms tied in the back._

So I sat in a hospital bed for three days. Nurses and doctors coming in to check on me all the time, watching me as I ate as if I'd try to kill myself with the stupid spork they let me have to eat with. _Granted, I_ _probably could gouge my eyes out with it, if I tried hard enough._

Finally on my last day here, Dr. Higgins made what she called 'progress', I told her something. I told her the cutting was a release, stemming from my past. As expected, that opened up a new can of worms. _Thank God she already said I could leave._

When Dr. Higgins walked me down to the lobby where my ride was waiting, a part of me wanted to try something stupid again so I didn't have to leave, while a bigger part of me wanted to run and hug Edward tight.

I thanked Dr. Higgins and strode past Edward, the cool air refreshing compared to the recirculated air of the hospital. I looked back to see him following me cautiously.

"I'm not going to run into oncoming traffic," I told him. "Believe it or not I don't have a death wish."

"Okay," he said.

"Okay? That's it? No, 'you look good Alice'? Or 'so a funny thing happened while I had you committed like a fruit-loop'? Just gonna look at me like I'm a time bomb, huh?"

He blinked slowly, "Well, apparently nothing I say to you will be right, so I'll just shut up rather than to tell you Bella and I have started offically to see each other."

"I saw that coming a mile away," I said with a small smile. "Congrats, I... uh, wish you the best?" I turned quickly as my eyes started to sting with tears. I was happy for them, but I was also... jealous.

When we got to the Volvo I took a breath and looked at him. "Listen, I'm sorry I freaked out on you. I just wish you would have talked to me before doing something like that."

"Well, I took you to the emergency room, it's mandatory." He explained with a small smile.

"You still could have told me Edward."

"Ah... you were gonna be pissed regardless," he shrugged.

"Most likely yes, but I wouldn't have been blindsided." I told him pulling the car door open.

"I'm sorry, I had had a long day and I was just tired of it all," he said in a firm voice as he let himself into his car and then buckled up.

"I'm sorry I added to your stress. I love you too by the way." I gave him a small smile. "So you and Blushing Beauty huh?" I asked, changing the subject.

He smiled a little, "Yeah." He turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot. "She's good to me you know? And I hope I can be good to her, I really like her."

I leaned my head back against the head rest and smiled at him. "I'm sure you will be Freak Boy. You're a good guy at heart."

He glanced at me, "Aw, thanks. At least from you I can always expect the truth."

I nodded. "Yeah, that's me... Little Miss Honesty."

"What happened with Jasper, Shorty?" He asked looking at the road.

I looked out the side window. "I told you already."

"Come on Alice, I know there's more than what you're saying..."

"I can't trust him Ed. He tells me that the rock in his jeans isn't his, but I came home and he had that shit ready to get high with. Fucking Maria is in his life again or still, I don't know anymore. Either way, it's completely fucked up."

He looked confused, but then just chewed his lip. "So... you're just leaving him then?"

"I can't watch him kill himself Ed..." I said softly.

"I understand," he reached over and squeezed my shoulder. That was all he said for the rest of the trip home.

-----

I started going to therapy, something that Dr. Higgins said would be good for me. Twice a week I would travel to my therapist's office, sit in a chair and talk about my feelings, problems, worries and dreams. I hated them at first. Dr. Palmer made me talk about Jasper, about why I felt as if my soul was ripped apart, about my mother and her husband. Everything she sensed as a possible point for conversation, she went there.

But in the end it started to make me feel a little bit better. Talking to someone who wasn't close to the situation was comforting in its own right. I started to feel as if Dr. Palmer was all I had.

Edward and Carlisle were distancing themselves from me.

Esme was still as loving and motherly to me as she had been when Jasper and I were together, but I could still see in her eyes that she was hurt and confused about everything.

I still hadn't spoken to her about what had happened. I couldn't. I didn't want her to be disappointed in Jasper, or think I'm a horrible person because I left when he needed me the most.

Bella had even tried her own hand at making me feel better about things. She somehow convinced me to write a letter to Jasper and give it to her. As if she had some grand plan to give it to him. After that though, she too, pulled herself away from me.

Before I knew it, it was Jasper's birthday. When Emmett picked me up from work that Saturday, I was tempted to have him stop in at the apartment. My nerve escaped me when I saw the Bronco in its usual spot._ He probably had company anyway._

That night after dinner I made my way up to my room. I worked on the final piece for the winter auction for a while before I decided to bite the bullet. With a deep breath, I dialed the number to the apartment and waited. The phone rang four times before the machine picked up.

"Leave a message," came Jasper's gruff reply followed by my laugh in the background. I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

"Hey Jazz..." I started after the beep went off in my ear. "I... I was calling to say happy birthday... You're probably out with friends living it up. So um... I hope you're having fun. And I miss you," I confessed softly before quickly snapping my phone shut and tossing it to the foot of the bed.

The one person I got closer to, I wasn't expecting. Rose. Of all people, the Ice Queen was there more than anymore.

It all started at the auction. Everyone showed up to support me. I was surprised that she had come along, but I was more crushed to see Jasper wasn't there. I don't know why I expected him to be there, after all, I left him. He didn't have to come; he wasn't obligated to do it, but it still hurt, solidifying that everything we had was over.

I don't know what prompted it, but suddenly I had found a bond with Rose. She told me about the time Emmett left her when they were dating. How he, much like Jasper, felt it was the best thing to do because he wasn't worth the love she gave him. Then she decided I needed a new look so she took me to the beauty salon and then out shopping.

I felt silly getting a new hair cut and wardrobe, but Rose was right; I did make me feel a little better. If anything, the new wardrobe made me feel... older.

I looked at the reflection in front of me. Gone was the little girl; the days of my youth. The days of braided pigtails, naive thoughts and skinned knees from falling. Ahead of me lay reality, shattered hearts and broken promises.

It was time for me to realize that life wasn't like the book I adored. There was no White Rabbit to lead me home or a Mad Hatter to make me forget.

------

I looked over the sea of tables as I shoved my note pad in the pocket of my apron. All those people with happy, smiling faces, excited about what the New Year has in store for them. _They _all looked so fucking smug. _They_ get to spend New Year's Eve with the one _they _loved. While _I_ lived in agony wondering if _he_ found someone else.

It had been five weeks since I left the apartment. I thought I was getting better. I thought my heart had mended enough not to be bitter about everything, but as each day passed, every day hearing from someone else that he said hi, the bitterness grew. I felt like I was slowly losing a battle to keep my sanity.

To say I was pissed when I found the shit in his pocket was an understatement. This trumped the fights we ever had about Maria and Felix, even the one about Edward. This made everything he ever said me seem like a fucking game just so he could have someone love him, even if he didn't share the same feelings.

"Hey Alice, your brother just called, he said he'll be here in twenty." I looked over at my co-worker Tyler and smiled.

"Thanks Ty," I shook my head. "I told Edward that I could take a cab home so he didn't have to change his plans."

Tyler smiled back. "I have a baby sister. I know what it's like to make sure she's okay."

I nodded, again looking out over the sea of tables. "Alice, table four!" I heard Leah, the hostess call to me. Putting on my game face, I headed to my table.

As I approached the table, it looked like a relatively normal, a party of three. That was until I came face to face with ice blue eyes.

I took a deep breath, deciding to pretend I didn't know him.

"Welcome to the Steakhouse, I'm Alice. Can I get you folks something to drink while you check out the menu?" I asked. The woman in the corner looked up and I was met with the same blue eyes as mine. I felt as if the world shifted from under my feet.

It was my mom.

She looked at me, her eyes wide with panic before she quickly returned to looking at her menu.

"She'll have a Diet Coke," Jorge seethed, not bothering to look at me. "I'll have a Long Island Ice Tea."

I glanced over at James. He was staring at me. "Well if it isn't little Mary," he said in a teasing voice that made the bile rise in my throat.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, deciding to play dumb.

"Christine," he snapped at my mother making her jump. "Isn't that your whore of a daughter?" He smirked up at me. I watched as my mom shook her head. I didn't know whether to rejoice that she was acting like I was, or cry.

"Damn it woman answer him," Jorge growled.

"No," she said timidly.

"Would you like something to drink, sir?" I asked James trying to hurry up so I could get the fuck out of here.

"You know what I like _cupcake_," he smirked while smacking me on the ass. I grabbed his wrist before he could take it away.

"Listen here, sir. I don't have a clue who you are, but I would appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself. This is not a titty bar." I growled out through clenched teeth, releasing his wrist with force.

Before he could react or say anything I walked over to Tyler. He raised an eyebrow at me as I ripped off the drink order and passed it to him.

"I'm leaving early. I can't do this. Not tonight of all nights." I said as I grabbed my coat.

"Alright, but just hang out here until Ed-"

"No!" I cut him off, "You don't understand, I need to get out of here now. Hopefully I'll see Edward on the way out, but if he comes in looking for me please let him know that I went to see Jasper." I could feel the tears prickling my eyes as I said his name. Tyler nodded.

I pushed my way out of the restaurant. I _needed _to see Jasper. I didn't care if he didn't want me. I didn't care if he didn't love me anymore. I just needed him. I needed his green eyes too look at me and to tell me I was safe. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay.

I quickly crossed the street, praying that Jasper was at the apartment. I could hear someone behind me, but rather then look over my shoulder I quickened my pace. Judging by the way the hair on the back of my neck was standing up, I knew exactly who it was.

He grabbed my upper arm, yanking me to a stop. I bit back the scream. I was a new person now. I could face my demon. I could face him.

He pulled on my arm roughly, forcing me to look at him. "Now Mary, that wasn't a nice way to say hello to your long lost love," James sneered as he pulled me closer to him.

"Fuck you," I spit in his face. He used his free hand to wipe at his face.

"You fucking little cunt. I almost didn't recognize you." His eyes roamed my body, making me feel as if I was naked to him. "I must say, I do love how my little sister has grown. This firm ass of yours," he grabbed me roughly making me cry out in pain, "must be fucking wonderful to slap while you're fucking it."

Just as I reached up to slap him across the face, headlights washed over us. I felt my hand sting as it connected with his face. "Fuck you James! You're just a sick, fucked in the head asshole!" I screamed at him.

He growled at me as he yanked me into the alley way. I tried to scream out for help, as he spun me around, his hand covering my mouth. "You know Mary Alice, when you left mom, you broke her heart. I couldn't believe you would run out on her like that. I guess I never had the chance to show you just what happens when you defy us, did I?" He spoke harshly into my ear, stopping suddenly. Once I was sure I wasn't going to fall, I stomped down onto his right foot as hard as I could.

"Fuck!" He growled out letting go of my face.

"No James! Never fucking again!" I yelled, as I clawed at the arm he was using to pin me against him with.

"Alice!" I heard someone shout from behind us, the sound of his voice making the wall holding my tears at bay crumble.

James threw me down on the ground in front of him. I threw my hands out bracing myself as they met with the rough pavement. I bit my lip to keep from crying out, tasting blood in my mouth.

I heard something similar to the sound of a bone breaking and I looked up to see what was going on. Emmett was kneeling over me.

"Come on little sister, let's get you home," he said softly as he picked me up in his arms. I cried out when I felt him slide his hands under my knees, the pain and stress of the night catching up with me as I blacked out.

* * *

_End Note: So you made it this far. Were you expecting this? Let us know. Also Robs has a srs bsns post that goes with this chapter (as well as other issues) so be sure to go to http:// alsper. blogspot. com/ 2010/ 02/ srs-bsns-post. Html and check it out!_


	27. Nightmare

**Disclaimer: You know the drill, srsly you've known us almost a year…**

**K: **I don't want to hear "Breakdown… you're doing it wrong" Cause No. We're not. Breakdowns (like the stuff from the previous chapter) are different varied upon each person. With that being said, enjoy

**Robs:** This was one of the hardest chapters I've ever had to write for JPOV... I do hope all the pain and angst I went through was worth it.

**Thank you as always to Amber for being an amazing beta, and to all our supportive readers, friends, and families, we love you all!

* * *

**

**Chapter 26- Nightmare**

_"Welcome to my nightmare. I think you're going to like it. I think you're gonna feel like you belong."_

_~Alice Cooper_

It's been five days since Alice left, and three since I woke up remarkably alive, strapped to this bed. At first I struggled against the restraints, but several sedative shots into my I.V. line later I stopped. It was pointless. I was strapped to this bed and there was nothing I could do about it.

On the first day all I thought about was possible ways I could end my life while strapped to the bed. Maybe I'm not very creative, because I pretty much came up with nothing. They fed me intravenously, so I couldn't starve myself. I had a catheter, so I wasn't even allowed up to take a piss. I pitied myself and wished for the only person who made me feel whole.

Then I'd wish for death again, so I couldn't hurt her ever again.

I stared at the ceiling and had way too much time to think. I thought about everything; every single moment with her, every single mistake, and then my mind wandered into darker territories, and after much reflection I realized that I couldn't blame any of this on my father. This time it was all me, I was the only person to blame and I hated myself more than ever.

---

Day eight; I'm a fucking idiot; I tried to fashion a noose out of a sock. Not only did it not work, but I'm strapped back in the bed again. Maybe suicide isn't the answer for me, maybe I should just waste away here. Surely my life had been fucking bad enough that God will grant me mercy.

I lay in a state of semi consciousness and listened to people coming and going. Nurses and Doctors and Shrinks and Students, come one; come all to the crazy person parade. Look at this asshole here. He tried to kill himself over a girl. Fucking loser.

I heard the door open and once again I prepared myself for the onslaught of medical professionals who would poke and prod me.

"Jay?"

_Edward._

"I'm awake."

I heard the sound of shuffling feet and a silence that is usually reserved for funerals and libraries. Oh I see, let's coddle the psycho. "Why are you here Edward?"

His breath caught and he was finally in my line of vision. His face was grief stricken. "I'm glad you're alive," he whispered, his voice catching a little in his throat.

I let him talk. He told me about finding me on the kitchen floor and being afraid that he was too late. He told me about Alice and how she was living at the house and how heartbroken she was. The thought of her listless and sad tugged at my heart a little, the world needed her joy and her smile. And someday she could make someone really happy. Lord knows how happy she had made me.

After Edward said his bit, Bella stepped forward, the tears in her eyes that made me curious as she stuffed a folded up piece of paper into my hand.

"She wrote that during English class, I thought it would cheer her up. But it's for you." She explained, and then quickly moved to Edward's side.

"Thank you," I said in a rather gruff voice. I cleared my throat, "I can't read it..." _My arms were tied down._

She slowly came back over, chewing on her lip as she tentatively asked me, "Do you want me to read it to you?"

I chewed my cheek briefly as I considered it. _Have her read it now, or wait till whenever the fuckers decided to let me out_? _Ah fuck it, why not now?_ "Yes, please." I nodded my head slightly.

She nodded and pulled a chair up towards the bed. "If you don't want to hear anymore, just let me know and I'll stop okay?"

I swallowed hard and nodded my head.

She nodded and with shaky hands pulled the paper of out the envelope. She cleared her throat as she unfolded it, preparing us both for this.

"Jasper," she started. "Bella thinks writing to you will somehow make my heart hurt less. As if you'd read this and understand things fully. Hell, I don't even understand where we went wrong. One thing I do know is if I could go back in time, I would have never left you. I know that sounds stupid because I couldn't trust you, but regardless, I think I'd rather have lived with that than nothing."

"Your family tells me that you're doing okay, and I'm glad. I was really worried that with everything you might have done something stupid. Lord knows I have. I think Edward wants to disown me at this point." Bella stopped to look at Edward briefly before continuing. "Don't worry about me Jazzy. I'm a fighter. After all, I did it before you, right? At least I think I did. I don't even know any more."

"I'm sorry I hurt you Jazzy, I really am. I love you so much, but I had to let go, I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't be second best to everything. I really tried to believe that you picked me above it all, but everything was always stacked against us I suppose. I can't write any more. I'm sorry. I love you. Always. Your Alice."

Bella sniffled as she folded up the letter and put it back in the envelope. "I thought I was helping... sorry Jasper," she said softly.

I bit my cheek to stop my tears from spilling over as I gave her a curt nod and opened my hand to indicate I wanted the letter back, "Thank you." I managed to say.

She placed the envelope in my hand and squeezed it gently, "You're welcome," she said before going back over towards Edward. I said nothing as they both said their goodbyes, but as soon as they left I let the tears flow and the anguished sobs erupt from my chest. She let go, she didn't trust me, she was hurting, and she believed she was second best. Everything in me wanted to curl into a ball and just cry like I had when I was little and yet another family deemed me unmanageable and unlovable. The restraints kept me still though and I just let it out, crying until one of the orderlies decided my crying was bad enough to come sedate me.

---

_"Jasper?" _

_I looked down and saw her sweet face smiling up at me, her pretty blue eyes twinkling._

_"Yeah Beth?" I asked as I lay back in the grass, looking at her as the wind caught her hair and made it dance around her head._

_"Do you think about your parents?" Her voice sounded sweet, pretty and musical._

_I absentmindedly_ _pulled a few blades of grass from the ground and tossed them aside. "No," I lied._

_She turned to look over her shoulder at me and gave me a small smile. "You're a bad liar Jasper." _

_I clucked my tongue and looked away, staring at the fence in the distance before her head broke into my line of vision. She looked into my eyes and I could see the corner of her mouth twitch up a little. Every part of me wanted to hold her and kiss her and do the things I did with Maria that I swore I would not tell anyone about. _

_"Do you think you could love me someday Jasper?" Her voice was soft and it took me a minute to figure out_ _what she was saying. _

_"I don't know; they say I'm never gonna love anyone," I told her about the social worker's assessments. Then she grabbed my hand. _

_"I think you will someday Jasper," she smiled then her face fell a little, "and whoever the girl is will be very lucky." _

_I chewed my lip as I considered what she said. _

_"Jasper!" A sharp voice called from near the house. My head responded before my brain registered what I was doing. Maria stood on the back stoop, her dark hair shining in the sun and her hand resting on her barely clad hip. _

_My body, despite all my misgivings, responded immediately. "See yah Beth," I smiled a little at her as I stood and walked quickly towards Maria. She smiled a rather seductive smile as she led me into the house, her hips swaying with meaning. _

_I curled myself up in a protective manner, hugging my knees to my chest and wondered how long I was going to stay with the doctor and his family. They seemed nice. Too nice to have someone like me screw it up for them._ _They gave me my very own room here, granted it was probably a foster child room they had spare, but it was still nice of them. Usually I had to share or sleep on the couch. I looked around, the room was painted the palest beige color and the bedding I sat on reminded me of Toy Story._

_My eyes darted towards my suitcase that was sitting on the dresser. They had told me to unpack, but honestly, what was the point? I was never at any place for that long. Even at the Gonzales's I never bothered to unpack. When Mrs. Gonzales washed my clothes she'd put them into a drawer_ _but I'd just take them out and fold them nicely into my suitcase so I was always ready to leave again._

_I heard a knock on the door and I looked up to see reddish hair and bright green eyes. I nodded my head a little, and the Cullen's youngest child came in. His name was Edward – I always made sure to remember their names, they got pissed if you didn't. _

_He sat on the bed next to me. "I know what you're thinking..."_

_I looked at him curiously. How the fuck would he have any idea what I was thinking? He was pampered his entire life, he never went through what I did. _

_He gave me a crooked smile that made his eyes twinkle. "You're right; I actually don't know what you've been through, but I think you're meant to be here, and I know they'd like you to be a part of our family if you would like to join us."_

_I blushed a little; no one had ever offered me a real family before. He smiled at me again, "I also think we're gonna be great friends."_

_I found myself in a different room, on a different bed._ _I licked my lip and bit__ it_ _as I thought about the cute chick down the street, I pictured her_ _doing that thing Maria used to do for me and I rubbed myself fiercely. I let out a small groan and my eyes fluttered open to see a rather shocked looking blond beauty standing in my doorway._

_"Shit Rosie!" I covered myself with the blanket, terrified she was gonna tell Esme and Carlisle what I was doing. "Why didn't you knock?" I hissed._

_"I did," she said with a mischievous smile. "Need some help there, Jasper?"_

_I think my eyes bugged out of my head and I felt my heart slam against my ribs. In the six months I had lived with the Cullen's I knew her and Emmett kind of had this thing going. Well, she loved him and he loved her in a not so family like way, but he wouldn't be with her because he thought he was too old, too experienced, too... whatever. It hurt her a lot. I could tell. She and I had started to grow close, almost like Ed and I were, but I didn't think we were quite this close._

_"Um... you wanna help me?" I asked her confused._

_She blushed and looked down, her blond hair covering her face. "Well... I was thinking that I could try something with you. And if you like it, maybe Emmett will..."_

_Oh so this was helping her. I pursed my lips, she wanted Emmett to like her and I wanted them to be happy. I sighed, "What do you want to try Rosie?" _

_I heard the click of the door before Rose started walking towards the bed. "I heard some girls at school say that their boyfriends really like it when they kiss..." her eyes glanced to where I was just rubbing._

_I stopped breathing and my eyes widened. Oh my God was she really talking about... "Rosie, are you asking...to...suck it?" And fuck my little friend; you are not supposed to be excited over that._

_She blushed and nodded, while chewing on her lip. "I trust you to tell me if I'm doing something wrong..."_

_I took a deep breath and lowered the blanket, "Okay..." She smiled and walked towards me._

_"Jasper?" My father for all intent and purposes handed me a stack of mail, mostly manila envelopes with college insignias. _

_"Whatever you decide, we're going to support you one hundred percent." He smiled warmly before he left the room. _

_I put down the book I was holding and picked up the top one, I already knew which were the acceptances and which were denials; a big envelope was a welcome and a small envelope was a thanks, but no thanks. I began sorting them and when I was done I sat back surprised; twelve big envelopes, two small ones. I looked up at the doorway to see Mom smiling at me and that's when I knew what school I was going to pick._

_Suddenly I found myself lying on my back, on the cold cement floor, staring up at a swaying light bulb. I knew this place. Maria and a big Hispanic man were sitting on the bed, looking down at me._

_"Jesse James..." Maria purred and I swear my blood boiled. _

_"Don't call me that!" I growled. _

_She laughed a high pitched throaty giggle, "You're still impressive naked," she smirked. I looked down and indeed I was naked. I tried to grab the blanket to cover myself,_ _but Maria yanked it back. "Oh no you don't, I like you like that."_

_I looked around confused, how did I even get here. "Where are my clothes?" I growled. "What am I doing here?" I looked over at the man next to Maria and was even more confused. He looked old enough to be her father, but she was practically lying on top of him, just as naked as I was. _

_He whispered something in her ear, making her giggle more. "What the fuck is going on?" I demanded just as my stomach cramped hard. _

_She held up a baggie containing the same stuff I had smoked the night before and I licked my lips. "You want more J.J.?" Her voice had changed to a rather seductive purr. I nodded stupidly. _

_"Benito," the man smirked at her and stood up. He was every bit as naked as we were and suddenly my stomach cramped again._

_"The more you fight it, the more it's gonna hurt." He said._

_I heard myself scream and I opened my eyes to see Alice's beautiful face inches from mine. I cupped her cheek and kissed her roughly, passionately, and filled with want. _

_She smiled against my lips and crawled on top of me. She pulled back and looked at me, "I have the day off..." she said softly trailing kisses along my jaw._

_I smiled and tangled my fingers in her jet black hair, smelling the perfume of her shampoo and the scent that was just her all around me. "Me too..." I trailed off, gently tugging on her locks as I did so. _

_"I love you Jasper," she whispered, kissing her way back to my lips._

_"I love you..." I kissed her and closed my eyes, happy to be safe and warm and loved. _

_I opened them to find a pair of wide green eyes I hadn't seen in decades. "Momma?" I whispered._

_She had a black eye and tears running down her face, "Sorry baby boy, I gotta go right now, but I'll find a job as soon as I can and come back for you, okay?" _

_I nodded my head as she ran her fingers through my hair and pressed her lips to my forehead. "I love you baby boy, just do as he says and you'll be fine." _

_"I love you too Momma." She walked towards the door and looked at me once again before closing it behind her._

My eyes snapped open and I realized I was once again alone. I also realized that I had been very wrong about my mother. She did say goodbye to me, not only that; she promised to come back for me. What the fuck happened to her? Why would everyone tell me that she left with some guy? What about the supposed note?

----

Day twenty; I'm out of the cell, I'm still not eating much and the doctors, nurses and orderlies are still talking about me as if I can't fucking hear them. Everyone has come to visit me, and I'm usually not a very good host. Carlisle has taken to bringing a chess set with him to try and get me to open up. I won't, but I play the game to humor him. He deserves that shit. He's been nothing but good to me all these years.

Emmett comes to sit with me. Just sitting and talking, letting me be quiet. Emmett is good at that. He always says what he thinks and knows what other people need. He tells me things about his family, he tells me things about our family, he tells me about what's happening in the world and then occasionally, he tells me about Alice.

What he tells me about her both intrigues and saddens me. She's trying to move on, she's still living her life, she acts like a living corpse and at night she cries. He never blames me, but I know I'm the reason she cries at night. I'm a fucking bastard.

When Esme visits I feel like a failure. All her loving and compassion and understanding, she gives it freely to me, but then I just take it and throw it away like it's nothing. She hugs me every time she sees me, brushes hair out of my eyes and gives me these painfully sad looks.

She knows how hurt I am and even though I know she would do anything to take that hurt away she knows there is nothing she can do. Instead she brings me my favorite brownies, cookies and foods in Tupperware containers and watches as I eat it.

I know she's making sure I actually eat something rather than pass it off to someone or toss it in the trash. She sits by me as I read the books she brings for me and every day, at about two, she takes the book back with a sad look and leaves. I'm okay with her leaving because I know she's gonna go take care of Alice.

When Edward visits it's usually brief. I wonder if our friendship may be too broken to fix, I wonder if we're both just too tired and fed up with everything to try anymore. I can tell this thing between Alice and I hurt him the most. I know he blames himself, because he's asked me for forgiveness, but this wasn't his fault.

The fault lay with me. I was the one who couldn't be trusted.

He had asked several times if he could tell Alice where I was, and the answer to him, like my answer to everyone else, was no. Alice can't know. Alice shouldn't know. She didn't need to concern herself with me, and she didn't need to be guilted back into a relationship with me because I tried to kill myself.

Not that I wouldn't take her back... No, I definitely would, I knew in my heart I needed her, I could barely breathe without her. If I were a lesser man, I would flee this place and run until I found her, drop to my knees and beg for her to take me back. I half considered calling her every day, and a few times I actually did just to hear her voice; her shaky hello and then she'd say my name quietly, in a tone that broke my heart before I put the receiver back into the cradle.

Rosalie even came to visit me once, and only once. She came to drop off a "present" as she called it; apparently she went to Alice's art show and bought something for me. It was a sketch, and it was unmistakably us, sitting on the front porch of a house and I was holding her tightly.

I examined every inch of that picture, committing it to memory. The look of contented happiness on our faces, the rings on our left hands, the fact it was the front porch of the little guest house that was supposed to be mine. She was wearing a sundress and one of my hands was on her thigh, the other was wrapped tightly around her middle and my legs were placed lazily on either side of her. Her hair was shorter, and she seemed to be smiling knowingly about something. I, on the other hand, had my face pressed against her neck; most likely kissing it. My hair was rumpled and so was hers and I found myself wondering if we had just made our way out of bed. And as stupid as it sounds, the thought made me both smile and cry.

When I closed my eyes I was there; I could smell the freshly mown grass, the sea breeze that is everywhere in Washington state. I could smell the Red Alder Trees and the moss from the river that runs between our cottage and the main house. I could hear her giggle as I felt the satin of her skin under my lips. I could almost hear the sounds of our passion and the feel the arousal that touching and kissing her in that manner did to me. But most importantly I could feel her; her love for me, her joy, her contentedness, her happiness with life, her hope for the future.

I wanted this, but I knew it was both impossible and unlikely, and that knowledge made me even more upset than before. I asked one of the nicer nurses to tape the picture up on the wall for me and I curled up on my little bed and fell asleep looking at it.

---

It had been thirty-five days since I last saw Alice. Everything and everyone fucking sucked, and I was seriously wishing I never gave up my shit. I wanted it. I needed it. Bad. I could practically feel the needle puncturing my skin and feel the simple bliss it gave me.

Her face burst into my head without any notice.

_Alice._

I punched the wall next to me and felt relief with the pain it caused me. I heard a rapping on my door and rolled my eyes as I looked at the clock.

_Oh yay...Breakfast time for the crazies, and then if I'm good they'll stick a motherfucking Valium in my medicine cup.

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**End Note: Reviews are like cupcakes for the soul...**


	28. Break Me Down

**Disclaimer**: **We still don't anything but this plot and several other little bunnies that are running amok in our heads…**

**K**: I really don't have any words… thank you to all the readers and reviews, even those of you who are hiding and have us on your faves and alerts :P

**Robs**: Thank you to everyone who is still with us and reading, we love you for it.

**Special thanks to Amber for being our amazing beta on this.

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**Break Me Down**

_The sun is gone and the flowers rot_  
_Words are spaces between us_  
_And I should've been drowned in the rivers I've found of token lust_  
_And I should've been down when you made me insecure_

_~Seether, Breakdown_

"I think she went into shock when Emmett picked her up. Edward, son, get my bag from the car. Esme, darling, I need some towels and alcohol to clean her wounds." I could hear Carlisle giving orders to everyone. I felt my head being lifted then set into someone's lap.

"Here Dad."

"Thank you. Rose, if she comes to, I need you to help keep her calm. I don't know how bad her hand is just yet and I'm afraid it may need stitches."

I felt someone smoothing their hand against my head. "I will." I listened as Carlisle told Edward to look at my knee. Apparently I had messed it up pretty bad too, but it wasn't going to need stitches or a cast as far as they could tell.

"Bella dear, can you hold her legs? I'm afraid that when I pull the glass out of her hand, she's going to protest and I don't want her to injure herself any worse."

"Yeah, I don't think Jasper would be too pleased with that." I heard Emmett add.

"Like he gives a shit," Rose spat. _So I was in Rose's lap_, I thought as I felt her nails gently rake through my hair.

"Babe, two suicide attempts, refusing to eat and the way this whole thing has affected him, says he cares. You know he isn't like that." Emmett clarified.

"How can he care if he has us lying to her?" She challenged.

_Lying to me? About what?_

"Rosalie, please... let's focus on Alice right now." I heard Esme pleading with her.

"Dad, I think she's awake, look at her breathing." I hear Edward say with a hint of panic.

I felt a cool hand on my face. "Alice, dear, open your eyes." Carlisle coaxed me. I shook my head slightly. I didn't want to open my eyes. _This had to be a dream. They couldn't be lying to me. Jasper… there's no way he… he wouldn't… he couldn't…_

I felt someone touch my arm, "Alice, calm down okay. Let Dr. Cullen look at your hand and then we'll go watch Clueless." I wanted to smile at my best friend as she tried to cheer me up. "Please," she begged.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Carlisle and Edward's worried faces.

"Hey Mini," Edward smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hi Freak Boy," I tried to joke, my voice breaking.

Edward looked over at Carlisle, nodding before he sat down, leaning against the couch beside me. "So Dad is going to take care of that hand. It's going to hurt a little while gets it cleaned out okay?" I just nodded.

"What's wrong with Jasper?" I asked softly. Edward gave me a sad smile.

"Nothing Mini, I promise he's fine. We just need to worry about you okay?"

"Why doesn't he love me?" I whispered. I couldn't tell if the tears were from the pain I was going through with my hand or from the pain in my heart.

"Oh Alice," I heard Rose exclaim softly as she touched my hair again.

Edward reached up and wiped the tears from my cheek. "Alice, don't say that. He loves you. He just… well, you two needed a break right? Some things where said that hurt you both?"

"A break?! Is that what this is? A fucking break?" I shrieked. I heard Esme gasp and I instantly regretted swearing in front of her.

"Okay, Alice, I need to put stitches in your hand. I don't have anything to numb the skin with here, so how about we go to the hospital where I can also get an x-ray for your knee, just to be safe. How does that sound?" Carlisle asked taking my attention from Edward.

"You're the Doctor." He nodded, giving Edward a look as he stood. Edward stood up as well, picking me up off the couch.

"Alice, he loves you. Please don't doubt that." I heard Emmett say as Edward carried me to the car.

----

Once at the hospital, Carlisle stitched up my hand and started working on the order for my x-ray. A nurse came in, prepping me for blood work.

"Why do you need a blood test?" I asked her.

She smiled and pricked my skin with the needle with such precision, I wouldn't have believe the needle was in, if I didn't see the blood flowing into the vials myself. "Dr. Cullen wants to test for things that might be foreign in your system since you fell in an alley."

"I didn't fall," I corrected her, glancing at her name on her badge, "Tiffany."

She nodded, "I know honey." She admitted with a small smile. "Nothing to worry about though, just a few quick tests and you'll be out of here in no time."

The x-ray showed no fractures or broken bones, but Carlisle wanted me to take it easy since my knee was pretty swollen from the fall. The blood test gave me a clean bill of health as far as my injuries were concerned, but something none of us expected did show up.

I'm pregnant.

_Holy fucking shit!_

When I asked Carlisle if he was sure, after all he was the one to say that I wouldn't be able to. He just said he was positive.

So here it is, the first day of the New Year – Isn't this supposed to be the day when you reflect and decide what you need to accomplish and change in your life? For me, this year has had a great fucking beginning.

First, I lost the one person in my life that made me feel like I was worth something. The one person I loved more than anything, and he loved me. I have no one to blame but myself about that really. His father tried to warn me when we first met, but I thought things would be different. I thought I could help him, but apparently I had only made things worse.

I spent New Year's Eve in the emergency room. Not a big deal, not like I had plans or anything. The fucked up thing is the Cullen's were there with me. All of them, which really made me want to cry, because once again, Mary Alice fucked things up for everyone.

_Well, for everyone but Jasper._

It was strange being in the ER again after being attacked. The last time that happened, Jasper held my hand while Carlisle treated me. This time it was Bella and Edward. Last time, I went home and fell asleep in Jasper's arms with nothing more than some swelling and bruising. This time, I went home to an empty bed, a fucking ace bandage on my left knee, twenty-three stitches in my right hand and one hell of a head ache.

When Edward came to wake me up this morning I was asleep in the bathroom. It's been a common place for me these last five weeks; it's just easier this way. Too many times I've found myself needing to vomit, but of course it's nothing more than dry heaves. I don't eat much, only just enough so Esme won't worry. I don't sleep, which has obviously been showing at school. _You know shits bad if Rose needs to talk to me about my grades._

To say I wasn't taking this 'break' well is the understatement of the millennium.

Top all of that off with the fact that I'm now trying survive not only for me, but also for the child growing inside me. I could care less if I survived, but I'd be damned if this baby didn't have a chance.

New Year's Day, I saw an obstetrician. Turns out, I'm just over seventeen weeks pregnant. Dr. Jenkins lectured me about proper nutritional care before doing the ultrasound.

I watched with watery eyes as the image of the little guy came up on the screen. He looked like a peanut in my opinion, but Dr. Jenkins pointed out everything to me. When she was cleaning up, I asked her for a copy of the pictures, and she happily obliged. After my appointment I walked down to Carlisle's car where he and Esme were waiting for me. "I want to see him," I told them before getting into the backseat of the car.

We pulled into the familiar driveway. _Why are we here?_ I turned my head to look at Esme just as she turned in the passenger seat to face me.

"It's time you understand why Jasper hasn't seen you and why he never wants you to call him back." She gave me a sad smile as tears started to cloud my vision. I watched as Carlisle took his wife's hand.

"He did do the Meth, didn't he?" Tears streamed down my face. _He lied to me. He swore it wasn't his!_

Esme sighed sadly, "Honey, he didn't do that. He took some other things." She looked over at Carlisle who nodded at her unspoken question. "Edward found him the night after you were bought to the house."

"What did he do?" I asked, scared they were going to lie to me again.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say. "Well according to what they found... approximately two bottles of prescription pills... I have no idea where he got them, but he mixed that with some kind of alcohol. It's estimated that Edward found him about twenty minutes later, after he'd passed out."

Esme paused before continuing on, "Well, Edward took him to the ER and got his stomach pumped, then kept him there initially on a seventy-two hour suicide watch... but well, it's been five weeks. He keeps trying. They have to force feed him and we're told he just paces his room until he passes out. He talks to no one."

_Why would he do that?_

I felt my eyebrows crease as I was trying to comprehend everything she just told me. "But... wait... I don't understand. Why... why would he do that?

Esme shrugged, "Jasper says he's too weak to take the pain." She smiled at Carlisle as he handed her a handkerchief. She wiped her eyes and continued, "He's not used to dealing with this level of emotional pain, he can handle physical and mental… he's always had this wall up–"

Carlisle cut her off, "You're rambling, my dear."

I shook my head, "I don't understand, what pain? He knew where I was, but _he_ didn't want me."

"See, that's where," she sighed, "I can't explain it. He thinks you don't love him and that you're better off without him."

I laughed bitterly, _how could he think that?_ "And they sent him to rehab... Fucker is insane..." I looked up, my eyes wide as I took in the tears in Esme's eyes. "Sorry, I don't mean to swear. It's just, how can he think that? Has no one told him what I've been going through?" I put my head in my hands. "If he's institutionalized, why are we here?"

Carlisle parked the car and shut off the engine. "Well, this also happens to serve as a mental institution." _Oh, well shit, now I feel dumb_.

Esme sighed, patting my knee with her hand. "And you are here to talk to Jasper, just like you asked."

When we walked into the center, there wasn't the sense of déjà vu I thought I'd encounter. Instead my stomach was in knots. Sure, five weeks wasn't all that long, but so much has changed since then. I had also lost some weight, nothing too noticeable to those around me thanks to the baby, but I'd place money on Jasper noticing.

As we walked through the gardens, we passed one of Jasper's friends from last time. Hurley looked over at me, his head tilted to the side.

"Hi Alice," he smiled wide when I gave him a little wave. I always liked Hurley. He was a teddy bear and a good friend to Jasper. It broke my heart to see him still here though.

When we approached the area where Jasper was, he had his back to us. Carlisle put his hands on mine and Esme's shoulders as he told us to wait. I watched as Carlisle sat next to him, telling him something. Esme hugged me to her side just as Carlisle and Jasper stood. When they turned around to face us, I wanted to run away.

Jasper's green eyes were dark as he stared at me, looking at me as if I had said the worse things imaginable to him. The creases between his eyebrows and on his forehead made me want to reach over and smooth them out.

I watched as Jasper looked me over, as if he was making a comparison in his head. His usual mess of curly hair had been combed out, making his hair look longer. I saw his eyebrows furrow even worse as his gaze traveled to my face and hair. No doubt surprised by the fact that I had short hair and had makeup on.

"Hey." He finally said, looking at me, but not making eye contact. I just nodded to him. I was scared that my voice would give away the pain I was feeling. _What happened to my Jasper?_ He used to be so happy, but this Jasper, he looked so dead inside.

"What did you do to your hair?" He asked, again his eyes flickered up to my hair.

I raised my right hand to my hair, forgetting that it was my bandaged hand. "Got a cut, you like it?" Probably not, but I figured I'd ask.

His eyes flickered between my hair and my hand now, finally settling on it as his eyebrow quirked up, "What happened to your hand?"

"I uh," I looked at it, debating on whether or not I wanted to tell him that James was in town. "I had a run it with my past." I answered, chewing on my lip.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, "Oh, sorry." His eye narrowed at bit as he looked away briefly, before looking back at me. Again his eyes roamed over me.

I shrugged, "Yeah, well Em was there so… whatever."

His jaw clenched as his nostrils flared a bit, his lips were set in a firm straight line. _Why was he so fucking pissed?_ "You're skinnier."

_Told you so_.

"You're one to talk," I retorted as I took a good look at him. To me even in his hospital-issue scrubs I could tell the draw string of his pants was barely keeping them on his hips. His face seemed to be drawn as well.

He just rolled his eyes and turned to walk away from me. I looked over my shoulder, realizing Carlisle and Esme had left us alone. _So where the hell did he think he was going?_

"What, you're gonna walk away after your mom and dad brought me here so we could talk?" I called after him.

He looked over his shoulder, scowling, "Then _walk_ with me." He snarled out like it was the most obvious answer.

I tried to jog and keep pace with him, but the pressure on my knee was too painful. "Well you have to remember I have shorter legs then you do," I said tartly as I stopped, trying to take the pressure off. "And besides… I kind of have a bum knee at moment."

He stopped, _thank God_, and turned around to face me. His eyes narrowed in such a way that for the first time he seriously scared the living shit out of me. "Fine!" He spat out, "What. Do. You. Want?"

I felt myself stumble a bit, not expecting this hostility from him. His arms automatically reached out to catch me, but pulled back quickly. "I uh... I..." _How do you tell someone that they're all you want in life, when they don't want you?_

"Oh Jesus, what happened Jasper? And I want the truth!"

"What do you mean what happened? You left! That's what happened."

"I mean, why are you here?" I made a sweeping motion around the center grounds, "Again."

He tilted his head to the side, a look of skepticism clearly written in his eyes. "Like you fucking care," he all but growled out.

I felt my hands balls into fists before I even registered the pain in my hand. _How dare he say that!_ If I didn't fucking care I wouldn't be here trying to talk to him. I wouldn't be here trying to tell him about his child. Finally, I felt my finger nails break through the bandage, causing me to take my eyes away from his.

"Ow! Fuck!" I unclenched my fist, looking at the bandage for any sign of blood. "Fucking hell, if I tore a stitch Carlisle's gonna be pissed," I muttered under my breath, just as Jasper took my hand. I looked up at him. His face was so heartbreaking in both good and bad ways as he looked at my hand.

"Are you okay?" Concern colored his voice.

I bit my lip. _No I'm not fucking okay_, I wanted to scream at him. "I think I may have ripped a stitch out..." I trailed off, looking back at my hand as his thumb rubbed along my wrist.

"Maybe you should have Carlisle look at that," he said softly. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought there was love his voice. I glanced up at him just as he looked up at me.

I shook my head, "No it's okay," I shrugged, pulling my hand out of his, "it's not bleeding, so I guess its okay." I looked up at him again. "Why do you say I don't care?"

He closed his eyes and stepped back. _Why does he want to get away from me!?_

"I know you don't care, because you never came back." He stated plainly.

"I went to your mom and dad's! I thought you were coming back to me! I went through five fucking weeks of hell…" I looked away from him. As much as it hurt me for him to not want to be with me, I couldn't bear hurting him by allowing him to see my tears. "And then, I have the worst night of my entire existence and all I wanted was for you hold me and tell me it would all be okay –"

He cut me off, forcing me to look at him. "You left. _YOU_ left. No one forced you to go. You didn't believe me and you left," his voice was full of malice, his eyes wet with angry tears, "I can't tell you it will be okay. You know why? Because it won't, _I am not okay_. Obviously _you_ aren't okay either. It's not my fault though. _You left me,_ remember that?"

"I left because of the fucking rock in your jeans!" I shouted at him. "I was so fucking pissed that I was going to slap you, but I love you too much to _ever_ do that to you." I wiped the tears from my face, "and _you're right_, it's _not_ going to be okay, but it has nothing to do with us!" Nothing was going to be right, because James found me. I'm gonna have to tell Jasper, the Cullen's, and even Bella goodbye because I can't let him get his hands on me again.

He stepped closer to me, the smell of his soap mixed with his scent and the smell of his Marlboros was intoxicating. "No. You left because you don't trust me!"

It was my turn to step closer to him. His anger was so tangible now, that it seemed to amplify my own. "Tell me Jasper, how was I supposed to believe you when I came home to you about to use again! Or when I come home to find _her_ leaving _your _apartment and you putting your fucking pants back on? I said it was okay, but it fucking wasn't! I know what kind of hold she has on you!"

His face was inches from mine. "She came to do some rehab shit of her own, a twelve step program. I don't know why she keeps coming to me, but she does. And I haven't used in one hundred and eighty-one days," he looked at me as if he was debating something, "so back the hell up off my ass." He spat at me.

I crossed my arms over my chest. Slowly I was starting to see the Jasper I fell in love with, as I watched his composure drop. His eyes were so vulnerable at this moment and I wanted nothing more than to hold him. I hugged my arms around me tighter, trying to hold myself together and not act on impulse. Pain shot through my hand, I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth together. I knew if Jasper could see how much pain I was in, he would make me see Carlisle, but I needed to finish this. I needed closure, and he needed to know.

"I did everything, _anything_ you wanted me to!" I snapped my eyes open to look at him. _Everything I wanted_? "And it wasn't enough!"

"Why did you do it Jasper? Why did Edward find you like that?"

He tilted his head, narrowing his eyes at me again. _Angry Jasper was back_, "You left me. You didn't come back. I figured that you were better off without me and because it hurt too much to give you up, I decided to figure out a quick painless way to die." He threw his hands up in frustration, "Is that a good enough answer Alice?"

"No, you ass…" I growled at him. "That's _NOT_ a good enough answer! I didn't come back to you because I was told by _your_ family, that you didn't want me to come back! Thanks to everyone doing your bidding, I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough, that I was never good enough..." I dropped my hands to my sides. "I'm failing my art program 'cause it hurts too much to even look at my goddamn sketch pads!"

"And, how fucked-up is this? Last night, when I was attacked and Em showed up, I actually _prayed _for Emmett to let James beat the shit out of me or kill me, because I _obviously _wasn't meant to be with you!" I shouted.

I watched him as his teeth ground together. The tears that had threatened to spill were slowly falling from his eyes. "I'm sorry, I wish... I'm sorry." He sat himself down, putting his hands in his hair as he pulled on it.

Quickly, without thinking about it, I dropped to my knees in front of him. "Jasper..." _Oh shit that hurt! _"Babe," I tried to get his attention as I also tried to get a hold of his hands.

He snapped his head up at me, glaring. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" I pulled my hands away, leaning away from him. "And I want to kill that piece of shit for touching you! And I really shouldn't care because you don't care, but I really fucking do! I always care too much about you, I tried to stop loving you, but I can't! I still fucking love you and it hurts! It hurts worse than anything has ever hurt me before!"

_He still loves me!_ The thought alone was enough to make me cry harder. I shook my head, if he loved me, he would have fought for me right? He wouldn't have just given up?

"Don't you get it Jasper? I do care, that's why I was so angry when I found that shit. That's why things as simple as fucking drawings and McDonalds make me cry, because they make me think of you. I don't like sleeping alone, without you holding me 'cause the nightmares are always there," I shook my head, trying not to think about them. "It's just too much to take." I looked down at my hands as my tears fell like rain. I noticed the blood on the bandage. _Christ, Carlisle's going to be so pissed_, I thought as I picked at it. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to do anymore." I chuckled sadly, "Sometimes I don't even know how to breathe without you... Which sort of complicates things more than ever now."

His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied me, "Why does it complicate things now?"

I chewed on my lip as I reached around to my back pocket, to pull out the ultrasound picture. "I can't just give up anymore... It's not fair..." I said softly as I handed him the picture.

He studied the picture and gasped, "Wha-?" His voice broke and then he shook his head. "You weren't supposed to be able to get pregnant..." He studied it some more, not saying anything as his finger traced the outline of the baby. "Is it mine?" He asked so quietly I wasn't sure if he meant me to hear it.

"I'm seventeen weeks along, so it's pretty safe to say it's yours." I pointed to the picture in his hands, "That's for you... I figured it might give you a reason to want to get out of here." I looked at his face as he continued to stare at the picture, trying to get a read on him.

He looked up at me and I could see the residuals of the tears he had cried. "Why did you come here Alice?" He asked, as he carefully tucked the picture into his pocket.

"Well, I didn't want you to _not_ know... and I figured it was better that you hear it from me rather than someone else." I bit into my cheek debating on whether or not to tell him how I felt. "I wanted to see you..." I said softly.

His lip trembled, "I've missed you," he admitted quietly.

I moved a little closer to him. "I've missed you too Jazz... so much." I moved to touch him, but dug my nails into the fabric of my jeans to keep my hands still instead.

He looked at me with such longing, "I dunno how to fix this..." his voice caught in his throat.

"Can we? I mean we've hurt each other so badly..." _For the love of God just hold me Jazz_, my heart pleaded with him.

"I still love you," he seemed to consider something for a moment before reaching his hands out towards me, his eyes glancing between my face and my torso. "I still want you," he placed one hand on my side and the other on my not-yet-rounded abdomen.

I felt my lip curl up slightly as my heart pounded against my rib cage. "I love you too Jasper, I always have..." I took a deep breath trying to sound strong, "Can you forgive me?"

He nodded and curled his fingers around my side. "Can you trust me?"

I placed my hand on the one resting over our baby. "Why did you go to Larry's Jasper?" I needed to know before I could answer him.

He chewed his lip and let go of my side, holding his wrist up so I could see it. He had a sun tattoo there that I'd never seen before. "He did it for free for me..." He tried to smile, but it faltered a little.

I slowly lifted my hand to his, waiting for him to pull away. He didn't, instead he watched as I gently traced the yellow sun. I began humming the one song I had missed the whole time we were apart. I looked up at him and his eyes were glossy with fresh tears.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked in a whisper.

I nodded, pushing his hand away so I could get closer. "Please?" I asked in a hysterical laugh. He pulled me roughly into him and wasted no time finding my lips before he thrust tongue into my mouth, my tongue greeting his eagerly. I straddled him and his hand cupped the back of my neck as the other cupped my cheek, keeping my mouth planted firmly on his. I moaned slightly as the taste of spearmint and tobacco overtook my senses. I pulled away and pressed my forehead to his as I held his face in my hands.

"I'm so sorry I did this to us Jasper..." I said softly as I continued to cry.

His thumb caught a stray tear as he looked into my eyes, "Can you trust me Alice?"

I nodded slightly, "I never should have doubted you," I told him honestly.

He smiled a real true smile. "I forgive you."

"You do?" I asked, unsure despite the smile that was slowly creeping onto my face.

"I do," he nodded. "I love you," he rested his forehead against mine.

"Thank you for never stopping..." I whispered before kissing him softly. "I love you Jazzy... so much."

He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to my temple.

I put my hand on my stomach and looked at him. "Do you think we can do this?" I whispered.

He eyed my stomach warily, "Well, we've been through a lot, and we haven't died yet..." He looked up at me and shrugged, "Honestly I don't know, but people do it all the time, right?"

I chewed my lip as I thought about it. I wasn't sure about how I felt about this yet and he sure didn't seem happy about it either. "I guess we've got some time to figure out what to do, right?"

He shrugged then leaned down and kissed my stomach, "Yeah."

I smiled and gently ran my fingers through his hair. _Maybe this year was going to be a good one after all_.

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	29. Going Home Again

**Disclaimer: We're still broke as a Joke, therefore Twilight and everything involved in it ain't ours.**

**K: **Not much to say except thanks…

**Robs: **Ah so that last chapter was the prologue chapter :) so glad you all seemed to like it. Now is the time to tell you there this is the last JPOV chapter before the epilogue, so I do hope you enjoy.

**Special thanks to Amber, who despite being really tired from treatments and being really sick always makes time for us. We love you!

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**28. Going Home Again**

_The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned._  
_Maya Angelou_

I leaned my head against the headrest and thought back over the past two weeks since Alice had come back into my life. As time progressed I began getting more and more angry, but when she came back it had sent a shock through my system. When she told me she was carrying my child, something I had previously thought impossible, I was floored.

Things were a bit tense between us at first, but as time passed things became more natural and relaxed again. Well, as relaxed as things could be considering we hadn't slept together or fucked in the past seven weeks. The past week had seriously test my limits, everyday she came to visit me and we'd just hang out together in the visitor's lounge watching T.V. Until she'd touch me a certain way or kiss me a certain way and we'd end up making out hard core until someone came to break us up.

As sick as it sounds I couldn't keep my hand off her and actually ended up fingering her at one point in the middle of the visitor's lounge. At the time I really didn't give a fuck, I wanted her in the worst way and all her teasing was driving me crazy. She actually begged me to just sneak her in my room again and have my way with her but two things stopped me.

The first was I wanted to be in our room, in our bed and I wanted to show her how much she meant to me and there was no way I could do that on a twin sized cot that I barely fit in alone. The second was I wasn't really sure if I could have sex with her at all. I mean with her pregnancy and whatnot, I was afraid of hurting her or the baby now worse than ever.

I rolled my head to the left to look at her as she drove calmly and quietly next to me. I reached over and placed my hand on her rapidly expanding bulge. It just appeared out of the blue one day and continued to grow exponentially ever since. I loved 'The belly' as I had dubbed the baby, it was fun to feel it kick whenever I placed my hand on her abdomen, but it wasn't quite real for me. I was still waiting to wake and find myself strapped down to the bed. And I was still half wondering if the only reason she came back to me was because she was knocked up.

"He likes you... or her," she blew the bangs out of her eyes in frustration. "The only time the baby is really active so far is when you're around."

I smiled at her and rubbed where the baby was now kicking ferociously. "Naw the baby just wants me to stay the heck away." I gave her a rather sheepish smile.

She glared at the road ahead before answering. "No, just saying hi to daddy."

I kissed her temple and then awkwardly kissed her belly. "I love you baby, don't get mad."

"I love you too and I'm not mad," she answered as she got into the turn lane.

I looked at her skeptically then turned to look at the road; we weren't going to the apartment. "Where are we going baby?"

"Home," she said simply.

I looked around briefly, "I know I'm on a lot of meds, but home is usually down that road back there." I pointed behind us.

She bit back a smile and shook her head. "Yeah, the apartment is that way, but we're moving into Carlisle and Esme's for the time being."

I gaped at her and all I could think was 'no sex'. "What?!" I hissed.

She sighed, "It's just temporary Jazz... Besides, Esme and I think it would be easier for you to oversee the renovations of your house if we live there." I watched as she chewed her lip nervously.

"My house?" I looked at her in question.

She nodded. "Yeah, the one you showed me at Thanksgiving..."

I nodded stupidly, "But Kitten, we can't have sex at their house," I whined.

She laughed and shook her head. "I'm sure we'll find a way Jazzy."

I sighed and leaned back in the Bronco, pouting obviously as we drove closer and closer to their home. I had been nervous before, about having sex with Alice now that she was pregnant, but knowing that now, I couldn't have sex with her, made me want the possibility more than ever.

"Stop pouting," Alice chided, taking my hand in hers.

"I wanna..." I leaned close to her. "Make love to you Alice," I whispered huskily into her ear.

She squeezed my hand, before letting go to turn again. "And who says you can't? They aren't home _all_ the time Jazz," she challenged with a small smile playing at her lips.

I found the corner of my mouth turning up into a smile despite myself, "You're bad." I informed her with a wink.

She laughed, more carefree than I had heard in days. "Says the grown man who was just pouting. Besides, you love it when I'm bad."

"I do," I nodded, putting our joined hands on top of her bump. Even though the idea was still kind of foreign to me, I loved the idea of her carrying my child.

"So Jazz..." she hedged.

"Yeah?" I pulled her hand up to my mouth, kissing her gently with a wink.

She smiled, blushing a little in response. "I was wondering if you wanted to come to my appointment tomorrow. I mean, I would understand if you didn't want to be near a doctor that wasn't family for awhile..."

"Why do you have to go to the doctor?" I asked, slightly worried.

"Check-ups and whatnot, 'cause of my size I'm considered high risk. Don't worry Jazz, everything has been fine so far."

"Oh," I nodded my head stupidly. "Okay, I'll go with you, if you want me to I mean."

"Of course I do Jasper," she said sounding slightly hurt.

I looked out the window just as she turned onto the gravel path that led to my parents's house. "So... you gonna stay in my room Kitten?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, where else would I stay?" She asked.

I shrugged and found myself smiling again, "Do you think they're home right now?" I asked her quietly after she parked in the driveway.

She looked around and smiled, "Unless the Mercedes is in the garage, I think it's safe to say it's just us," she answered smirking.

"Let's go inside and see," I winked at her and gave her a lingering kiss.

---

We were indeed alone, alone and very unsure of exactly how much time we had to be alone. So we smiled wickedly at each other and both ran up the stairs, I didn't even have time to shut the door and she was already on the bed stripping.

By the time I made it to her side the little minx was all the way down to her bra and panties, desperately working to remove both at the same time. I reached out, wrapped her in my arms and kissed her to slow her down a little. It seemed to work, until she became rather impatient with the fact that I was still dressed.

I pulled away as she tugged at my shirt and carefully pulled it over my head, slightly self-conscious of the fact that I hadn't really worked out in nearly two months and I had definitely lost some weight. She raised herself so she was on her knees and ran her hands along my skin, probably feeling the bones and wishing there was still muscle there, then her hands reached my sweatpants and tugged them open before she looked down at my little friend.

She giggled and looked up at me through her lashes. "I think he missed me."

I chuckled and pressed my lips to hers hard. "I missed you," I whispered honestly in her ear.

"No more breaking up bullshit, okay?" She asked, moving her head to look me in the eye.

I nodded and placed my hand on her stomach, "No way, it would hurt us all too much," I felt my lips curl into a small smile.

She brought her lips to mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth before playfully biting it and letting go. "Now claim me as yours again... please," she purred as her hand made its way into my pants.

I cupped her chin and turned her head, latching onto the spot where I usually leave my mark and moving my other hand around to undo the clasp of her bra.

---

It was growing dark outside by the time I heard the sounds of Carlisle and Esme from downstairs. I knew they had seen the Bronco and sighed, I didn't really want to move from my spot, didn't really want to wake my Kitten from her sleep because the way she was wrapped up against my side made me peaceful and incredibly happy. Happier than I'd been in months.

I successfully made love to her without hurting her or the baby, it was agonizingly slow and put me in some serious pain with how much restraint I was using, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It was beautiful and even though there were several times I could tell she was growing impatient with the fact I was moving slowly, she enjoyed it in the end.

I heard the sound of heels on the stairs and I found myself rubbing Alice's arm gently, trying to rouse her from her deep sleep. "Kitten..." I ran my fingers down her side just as I heard the creak of the top step.

She wrapped her arm around me as if trying to keep me with her. "Please don't leave us Jasper..." she muttered in her sleep.

Her saying that broke my heart and I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her, "I'm not gonna leave Alice," I whispered before I placed a kiss on the crown of her head. Just as I did so the door creaked open and I was looking, rather uncomfortably, at Esme.

I braved a smile at her and she quirked an eyebrow at me. "I'm glad to see y'all got home safe," she said in a calm and even voice.

"I'm sorry mom," I whispered as I held Alice even closer to me.

She shook her head, "Don't apologize, but don't do it again..." She paused and pursed her lips, "Glad to see you two made up, it was hard without you together." She smiled and then left, quietly closing the door after her.

I smiled and buried my face in Alice's hair.

"Busted..." She laughed quietly.

"You were awake?" I asked softly, pulling back from her a little.

Her cheeks turned pink as she nodded her head. "The creak of the door always wakes me up..."

I smiled at her, "I was hoping it wouldn't, you were sleeping so peacefully."

She smiled and stretched some. "Yeah, but I don't wanna waste time sleeping."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, "What else are we supposed to be doing baby?"

She shrugged, "Well seeing as Esme is now home, I would hazard a guess that a blow job in the shower is out of the question." I watched as she tried to put an innocent face on, while her eyes danced with mischief.

I swear to God, I dunno how this evil little woman was dropped into my life or why, but am I one lucky bastard. "Oh I dunno, why don't we just go shower and see," I nudged her playfully.

She sat herself up, tucking the sheet around her. "You think you can keep your moaning down, Jasper?" She taunted.

_Why God, did I get so impossibly hard at that statement?_ I smirked at her, "I think I can."

She straddled my lap with a determined look. "I don't know Jazz... you always lose it when I _fully_ enjoy myself..."

"Maybe I'll just need to find a way to keep myself quiet then, huh?" I winked at her and picked her up, moving off the bed carefully so I wouldn't drop her as she squeaked and kicked her legs. "I think someone has been a very dirty girl and needs to get clean," _that was lame,_ I chided myself.

She shook her head at me and pouted. "I like being dirty," she joked then stuck her tongue out at me.

I smirked as I carried her towards the bathroom, "But I wanna get you really, really clean."

Her eyes fluttered closed as a smile spread across her lips. "I miss taking baths with you," she said softly as she slowly opened her eyes.

I nuzzled her cheek, "As soon as we get our little house fixed up I promise..."

---

"Are you nervous?" Alice asked as we waited for the doctor.

I wrung my hands in my lap, "Naw, I'm sure things will be okay." I smiled at her.

She quirked an eyebrow at me and shook her head. "Liar."

"I'm just nervous, they're gonna ask me why I wasn't there or ask why I'm so much older or..." I whispered in a rush.

"Jazz... Dr. Jenkins doesn't ask, though she knows you're in the picture. And shut up, you're not that much older." She rolled her eyes at the last part.

"I just..." I pulled her closer to me and kissed her temple. "I worry about you."

"Good, it shows you care," she teased before giving me a quick kiss. "I worry about you too, but babe, I'm fine... you're fine... and the baby is fine."

I took a deep breath and ran my hand over her belly, "I know." I sighed.

She leaned against me. "Maybe we'll find out if we're having a girl or a boy," she looked up at me. "What do you think we're having?"

I thought about it for a minute, "I dunno, I want a girl I think... so she can be like you," I smiled genuinely at the thought of a mini-Alice.

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm a brat though."

I chuckled a little, "You are nothing compared to me, babe."

She scoffed. "You're a cake walk compared to me."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Yeah okay... I don't wanna argue about this, what do you think it is?"

"Healthy?" She teased, taking the easy way out.

I smirked, "Nice answer."

"Alice Brandon?" A nice looking nurse called out.

Alice stood up, taking my hand. "Right here," she said smiling at the nurse as she tugged me up out of the chair.

---

_It's a boy._

The thought reverberated through my entire being. We're having a boy, and I saw him... granted the picture was an ultrasound so you couldn't see much, but we saw him.

I was in shock, I couldn't believe we were having a baby. When I saw the image on the screen it was amazing, already developed more than I was expecting and even looked like a tiny little human being. I could tell she was excited; she practically skipped all the way to the Bronco. I just smiled at her, loving the fact that she was so happy.

I knew I was being quiet, but I was adsorbing it all in. _I'm gonna have a son!_ I was torn between pure excitement and pure terror. It was all I could think about as we drove home. I'm guessing Alice wanted me to say something, anything really, but I just couldn't speak, I could hear her listing off things we needed for him and things we needed to do and honestly if she didn't stop I was going to have a panic attack from all the sudden stress.

"Sorry," she apologized sheepishly. "I guess I got a little over excited."

I reached out and grabbed her hand, happy that she could sense my impending moods as much I as could hers. "I like you excited."

She smiled a little. "I'll tone it down some."

I kissed the back of her hand. "You shouldn't have to; I hate to ruin all your fun."

"Do you think we can do this Jazz?" She asked softly.

_Why did she keep asking me this?_ "Do you?" I asked glancing over at her and making sure my fingers were still intertwined with hers.

"I just worry... I don't want to screw him up..." she trailed off.

"Baby, we couldn't possibly do worse than our own parents..." I gave her a small smile before I continued. "And if you figure we know what _not_ to do, we actually might do better than most."

She smiled a bit wider and nodded in agreement. "True."

"And..." I smiled wide at her, "I'm very happy we're having a baby together." She bit her lip to hide her smile. I turned into the drive and turned to look at her noticing that she was doing her very best to hide that shit eating grin she had.

"So..." I started, changing the subject. "Wanna show me what you and Esme have been up to with our house?"

She nodded enthusiastically before pressing her lips to mine. "Yes, let's check it out."

---

A few days later I was back at work as a janitor, apparently I'd been on an extended leave of absence. I thanked my stars that the administration was so lenient with me. Carlisle and Jake had managed to pass it off as a consequence of me finding that girl dead. I quickly got back into the swing of things, going to work, coming home, Alice working and going to school and going to check ups, then us spending time together and then spending time with family.

Alice being pregnant at seventeen, by her older junkie boyfriend was apparently the talk of her school. That's why I was sitting here listening to parents at the school board meeting throw accusations at me. They thought because I was twenty-two and she was technically a minor it made me a dangerous pedophile.

Thankfully, I had several people arguing on my side and according to the state of Washington she was of legal age of consent. We lived together, I took care of her, it wasn't like I was gonna leave anytime soon. Then the fact I was a meth addict came up. I don't honestly know why these people were this concerned all of a sudden. I mean the parents debating this weren't even parents of any of the kids at the school I worked at.

Eventually Carlisle ended up defending me with medical facts, laws and simple truths about my character. I love that man. We left the meeting triumphant, but I could tell something was amiss with Alice's mood. I waited until we were in the privacy of my room before talking to her.

"Kitten, what's wrong?" I asked, pulling her close to me in bed.

She sighed heavily, "It's my fault Jazz... Because of me you had to go through that."

I quirked an eyebrow up at her, "Well, honestly, it was bound to happen. I'm a junkie Alice; most parents don't like us..." I shrugged before I continued. "And honestly _I_ knocked _you_ up; you didn't do this on your own."

She rolled her eyes. "First, don't say knocked up 'cause that just takes all of the fun out of it, and secondly, it has nothing to do with your past. Face it Jazz, if I would have just accepted the kindness you were giving me and walked away, none of this would be happening."

"You're right..." I looked at her and pursed my lips. "I'd be dead. Esme and Carlisle would be mourning and you'd still be on the streets, probably dead by now... or worse..."

"Yeah, exactly." She snapped before rolling so her back was to me.

_Ah fuck. She's mad at me._ I pushed her hair away from her neck and kissed her pulse point. "Baby, I love you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, I don't regret us. Never have, never will." I murmured into her ear.

"I don't either Jazz, I just regret being the source of your problems," she sniffled. "I love you... but I swear it's like once things are okay for us someone else is throwing shit at us, ya know?"

"Baby, you aren't the source of my problems, they are. I don't have a problem with us; I'm not ashamed of us." I nuzzled her neck, "Honestly I could care less, you're gonna be eighteen soon..." I took a deep breath before I continued. "And maybe then we could get married?"

She turned to look at me, her eyes searching my face. "You wanna marry me?" She asked in disbelief.

I felt the corner of my mouth turn up a little. "Of course I do."

A small smile stretched across her face as she nodded. "I like that plan."

"I'm glad," my smile grew wider as I leaned down to kiss her.

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**End note: Send Darkaddictsper/Kinksper your love by reviewing. :)**


	30. It's My Life

**Disclaimer: The only thing we own of this is the plot. We don't make money off of Alice and Jasper, so we ain't Stephenie.**

**K:** Here is Kitten's last chapter. I hope ya'll enjoy it. Also Robs and I would like to take this time to recognize a great loss in the literary world. J.D Salinger passed away after Robs and I had decided on using the name Holden. So this chapter is in his memory.

**Robs:** *sobs* thank you so much for all the nice reviews on the last chapter... Jasper's last chapter, you all are so awesome *hugs*

**Thank you so much to our wonderful beta Amber, who is probably one of the most amazing people we have ever met in the fandom. We love yah lady!**

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**It's my life**

_Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself._  
_~Harvey Fierstein_

****

Things started getting back to normal. Well, as normal as things can get when you're seventeen and pregnant. What I mean is in a sense, things were calmer. Jasper and I got into a comfortable routine between school, work and alone time. We weren't as stressed out as we were in the apartment and we were concentrating on the future.

Jasper was going to go back to school. He was determined to be the best that he could be for not only himself, but for me and our son too.

_Our Son_. That still seemed like a foreign concept to me, even now, being frickin' huge and having a future soccer player kicking the crap out of my insides.

I blame Jasper for me not being able to accept it. We've been having the same battle for nearly three months over a name and he just wouldn't budge.

"Jazz! I really don't think that is gonna work with Emmett. You try yelling those together," I huffed from the couch. I just wanted a name that flowed well. I could hear Esme laugh from the kitchen where Jasper was helping her with dinner.

"But I like Holden!" he yelled back, his tone amused.

"Why? That's like me wanting to name him Lestat!" I tried to hide the fact that I was smiling. "And you said no vampires!" I looked over a Carlisle, who was reading the paper just as he shook his head chuckling at the conversation.

I heard Jasper laugh, "Holden is a cool name and rather uncommon, since no one reads classic literature anymore."

I snorted. "Bull, you read'em," I countered. "Why not Edmett or Emward?" I teased, pushing myself up off the couch.

"Alice..." Carlisle said in a warning tone.

I smiled at him. "Relax Doc, I just want more water. Gotta stay hydrated right?" He pursed his lips before going back to his reading. There were pros and cons to living here. One of the biggest cons was living with two doctors. I swear, if I so much as wince from the kicking or something, both of them are on me like white on rice, but it's also handy for figuring out when things might be bad. Like the cold I had a few weeks ago.

When I entered the kitchen, Jasper gave me a look. _I knew that look._ That was his, _'What do you think you're doing'_ look.

"Water..." I said holding my glass up at him, answering his unspoken question.

"You're supposed to be resting Kitten," he gave me a rather weak glare.

"And I'm thirsty," I pouted.

He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me before placing a kiss on my forehead. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Esme who let out a small _'aww'_.

"Then just ask me to get you some water baby," he whispered, his eyes filled with worry and apprehension.

I smiled at him. "Jazz... I'm fine I promise. A little walking isn't gonna hurt me or the baby, it'll might make me sore, but I'll live."

He scowled a little, "We'll talk about this more later," then gave me a suggestive wink.

I bit my lip and nodded, giving him a chaste kiss before making my way over to the fridge. I know he was just looking out for us, but he worried too much. Besides, I don't go on bed rest until after prom, so he can chill.

Prom, now _that_ was hassle. Not only did I have to find a circus tent to fit into, but I had to convince Jasper - and honestly, the rest of the Cullen's - that it would be okay for me to go. Luckily I had an ally on my side. Rose. She not only helped me find a dress that looked nice, but she also helped me convince Jasper to say okay.

I had a feeling he was planning to say yes regardless, but it was fun to watch him bicker with Rose over it.

"Alice I know that you think we're all being overprotective, but you have to understand that being as young as you are, you're at a higher risk for things such as preterm labor and pregnancy induced hypertension." Carlisle explained once again, as he patted the cushion next to him.

I sighed and sat down beside him. "I know Carlisle, but I think I would know if something's wrong... wouldn't I?" I chewed on my lip as I thought about it. This is why I wasn't reading the books Jasper kept insisting I read. I knew they'd make me panic and now... I was panicking.

He smiled warmly at me, "Don't worry, you have us right here. We won't let anything happen to you or the baby."

"Holden!" Jasper yelled from the kitchen.

"Jack!" I yelled back just to be a shit. _I think from now on I'm gonna just say anything instead of Holden._

----

A week passed and Dr. Jenkins was ready to put me on bed rest. Little man was proving to be just like his father and my tiny body wasn't going to handle it much more. I was upset about missing prom, it felt wrong knowing that this was something Jasper and I were destined to do together and not go. Rose tried to tell me that the dance could be anywhere; a party for one of the charities Esme and Carlisle hosts, or even a wedding reception. Basically she told me not to give up hope.

_At least I get to waddle across the stage at graduation_, I thought sadly as I tossed the pile of thick envelopes that were coming in from various colleges. Every time a new one came, Jazz would get this proud smile on his face, but I could see the worry in his eyes every time one was from out of state.

I sighed and threw the blanket off my lap; _I'm done __lying__in bed... alone_. I opened the door to hear Rose and Emmett's voices, hers sounded as if she was coming up the stairs.

I barely made it to the entry way when she stopped in front of me. "Hi Rosie," I smiled at her. "Did you come up to keep me company?" _Oh God I feel pathetic._

"No," she held up a garment bag and a rather large purse. "I came to get you ready."

"Ready? For what?" I asked her with my eyebrow raised.

"Tonight, prom?" she raised an eyebrow back.

"Oh... Didn't Jazz tell you? I can't go," I said shaking my head and going back to the bed. "Doctor says that it'll be too much on me to be there and what not," I explained shrugging. _I could have sworn Jasper was talking to her earlier._

"Oh well, that explains the little set up downstairs. I think Jasper has a little surprise for you," she smiled and winked at me.

"What?" I looked at her with wide eyes. "He said he was gonna work on the house some..."

She smiled, "Maybe he wants to do something special for you."

"I have to get in the shower then. Oh my God and I have to do my hair and my makeup and..." I got up and started getting things together.

"I'm here to do your hair and makeup," she held up the purse.

I laughed. "Right, okay I'm gonna get in the shower really quick then."

Once I got out of the shower, I dried off and put my robe on. Rose then came in and got to work drying my hair. I kept looking at the time, wondering when Jasper was expecting me, or even what he was doing.

Once my hair was dry and brushed out Rose had me get dressed. I loved the dress we had picked out. It was a simple black dress that stopped just above my knees. The overlay was lace and a nice satin ribbon tied around under the bust line to emphasize the empire waist line.

"Hey Rose, do you think my boobs are gonna stay this big once the baby is born?" I asked her as I looked at my reflection.

"They'll get bigger at first and then probably go back to normal... that's what usually happens anyway." She smiled at my reflection.

I pouted slightly. "Damn... Well, I guess it would be nice to wear my old bras again." I put my robe back on to protect the dress from any loose powder before sitting up on the counter, ready for Rose to do her magic.

She went easy on the makeup, choosing to emphasize my natural beauty with some blush and eye pencils. Of course, while she was working on that my hair was up in jumbo hot curlers and I couldn't help but think how maternal she was being.

"I bet you're excited for when it's time to do this with your girls," I said trying to make conversation as she removed the curlers.

She laughed and shook her head. "Oh no, my girls can stay the age they are. I don't want them thinking about boys, dances or, any of that for a while."

"Well Amber's already into make-up," I pointed out.

Rose snorted a laugh. "Yes, but as long as it has princesses or taste like Dr. Pepper." She reached over for a brush that I'd never seen before and started brushing the curls out. "I have no problem with those. They keep her lips moisturized and daddy never knows unless she points it out."

I laughed, "So it's Em who doesn't want them to get older?" She nodded in response. "I feel bad for any boy that dares to date the McCarty-Cullen girls. They'll have to deal with not only Papa Bear but Ed and Jazz too."

Rose smiled and picked up a few bobby pins. "What about Holden there?" She asked gesturing to my belly. I placed my hand on it just as he kicked in response. "I do not envy what you're gonna go through. He'll definitely be a charmer."

"Just like his Daddy," I added. "I don't know... Little man's got his Auntie Rose, Uncles Ed and Em to protect him. His Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle to spoil him and me and Jazz to guide him... I think it'll be okay." _I hope..._

Rose smiled gently at me as she continued her work, leaving me to my own thoughts.

"Almost done," she said after a few minutes digging through her bag to pull out a velvet bag. "These, would be prefect... your ears are pierced right?"

"Yeah..." My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Rose took my hand and placed two studs in my palm. "Diamonds?" I whispered.

She smiled and nodded. "Yep, every girl needs something nice for her prom," she said with a wink.

"Rose I can't..."

She held up her hand, "Don't worry about it. Wear them and enjoy your night." She gave me a hug before cleaning everything up. I just nodded and put them on before sliding the robe off and taking a look at the finished product.

"Thank you Rose," I said softly as I looked in the mirror. My hair and make-up almost gave me a whimsical look.

---

When I walked downstairs Esme led me outside onto the covered patio, it was set up so beautifully. Twinkle lights graced the pillars and silver balloons were floating in bunches, it looked festive and kind of prom-ish. I could tell Jasper had worked hard on this to make it perfect for me.

I saw him leaning against the far wall, a small smile on his lips as he watched me take in everything. When my eyes finally focused on him, I was blown away. He was wearing a black tux, complete with a vest and straight tie. I smiled at him.

"What's going on?" I asked him as I walked over to him.

He reached his hand out to take mine, "I'm giving you a prom," he told me with a smile.

"Aww... Jazzy..." I could feel my eyes start to water at his gesture. _Stupid hormones_.

His hand cupped my cheek, "I'm sorry that you couldn't make it to your prom, so I thought it could be nice to bring prom to you."

"But the Doc says I shouldn't be on my feet for long periods," I reminded him.

He smiled. "You won't be Kitten," he winked at me and pulled me out onto the dance floor just as I heard a new song come through the speakers. I wrapped my arms around him, letting him lead me around as the song floated around us.

I smiled up at him, "Thanks for this Jasper."

He leaned down and kissed me gently, the hand on my back pressing me closer as he brought my left hand up to his chest. He deepened the kiss and we stopped dancing, I felt his heart pounding under my hand. He pulled away after a minute and looked at me intensely before he dropped down to one knee, his hand still holding my left one. I started shaking a little, unsure if it was the breeze or the fact that suddenly this felt like it was much more than just an impromptu prom.

He gave me a rather nervous smile as he reached into his pocket, "I know not everything is perfect for us, things have happened that if I could change them I would, we've spent so much time apart this year and it made me realize how much I never wanted to have that happen again. Today is the one year anniversary of the day we met and I wanted to know if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He pulled out a small, but beautiful ring and held it up for me to see, the nerves showing on his beautiful face.

I covered my mouth with my other hand in an attempt to be calm, but I knew it wasn't working. I'm sure he could see the tears rolling down my cheeks as I nodded yes to him. His smile got bigger, "Yes?"

I moved my hand, still nodding stupidly. "Yes," I said with a watery laugh. "Oh God. Yes."

He moved quickly, picking me up like you see in the movies and kissing me happily before he sat me carefully back on my feet and placed the ring on my finger. I bit my lip, wiggling my fingers, watching as the lights bounced off of the ring. I couldn't believe this was happening. We were gonna be a real family.

"I love you Jasper," I told him, smiling up at him.

"I love you Mary Alice." He smiled back.

"Um... Jazz... how can we... the ring?" I didn't think we could afford something like that.

He blushed a little, "I got the diamond from Larry... the day..." he shrugged a little before he continued, "and I made the rest myself with help from the lady I got all your bracelets from."

I tilted my head at him. "I thought you went to Larry for your tat... Wait, you made this?" I felt my eyes widen at the thought of him making this just for me. "Oh Jasper!"

He smiled rather shyly, "I did go to Larry's for the tat, and I told him I wanted to marry you so he gave me a diamond to help me out." He shrugged before wrapping his arms around me. "I'd do anything for you baby."

I kissed his jaw. "Just love me is all I ask for."

"I'll love you forever," he kissed me firmly on the mouth.

----

Next few weeks went by without a hitch. I was studying for finals, which I'd be attending in person - _thank God_! Jasper had the okay from financial aid to go back to school and little man - _I was still refusing to let Jasper get his way_ - was growing strong.

Esme and Carlisle left to attend a medical conference in California, which meant we had the house to ourselves. Normally this would have been great, but with the no sex rule, I was downright grumpy. _At least Jasper was happy, I could still give him a good time_, I thought smugly as the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I yelled in the direction of the kitchen as I attempted to get off the couch.

I should have known he was gonna stop what he was doing and get to it first. When I reached him he was talking to a man in a suit. I looked at him curiously.

"Is everything okay babe?" I asked Jasper.

"Mary Brandon?" The suit guy asked me.

I bristled at the man using that name, but nodded in response. I could feel Jasper's hand on the small of my back, calming me down as the man handed me an envelope, before wishing us a good day. I turned and looked at Jasper. "Did I just get served?"

I could see the muscles in his jaw flex as he nodded in response. "I better call Rose..."

----

It turns out a lot had happened to what little family I had left while I was in my bubble of happiness with Jasper. I was subpoenaed served to appear in court against James. He was being prosecuted for something he'd done to a woman by the name of Victoria and her lawyers wanted to use his past to prove their case. They needed me as proof of his violent history towards women.

Fortunately, I didn't have to appear after giving a private testimony to the judge and attorneys.

Then there was news of my mother. I didn't know if I was happy for her to finally be free or heartbroken that it went as far as it did.

The day I got my life back with Jasper was the day my mother ended Jorge's. She finally fought back and in self defense, killed him.

Everyone was on pins and needles around me when I first got the news. Understandably so, since any stress would have been bad, but I wasn't stressed. I was... elated. My mom was finally free of the monster that destroyed her.

She tried going into court without representation and I sort of understood her way of thinking, she'd already spent so long in Jorge's prison, how could Federal prison be worse? However, I couldn't let her do it alone, and honestly I don't think the Cullen's would have allowed it either now that I think about it. I went to Carlisle two days after hearing what was going on expecting to have to plead with him to help my mom, only to find out he had already hired someone for her.

Because it was justified homicide, she faced maximum sentence of fifteen years and no chance parole for ten. I cried when they handed down the ruling, she was so close again, but yet so far. That was the hardest part for me.

Jasper and I were able to see her one last time before she was sent away. He charmed the pants off my mother, even after I told him he wouldn't have too. I could tell in her smile that she loved him and was happy for me. I promised her lots of pictures of her grandson and the wedding and she promised to find me once she was free.

I had my mom again, but it still hurts. One night I talked with Esme about possibly finding Jasper's mom. So he knew the truth about why she never came back for him. We still haven't heard anything.

"Alice?" Bella voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You're thinking again," she accused softly. I looked over at her, her hair curled and pinned with the blue graduation cap on her head. She didn't have the gown on yet, instead she held it in her arms.

"Well duh, how else do you think I'm able to graduate," I teased. She laughed and shook her head as Christina came out to get us lined up.

"Are you scared? About the future I mean," Bella asked.

I smiled at her and shook my head. "Nope. I'm excited to see what the future brings."

"Like Holden?" she asked, pulling her gown on her arms.

I nodded. "Holden. My life with Jazz... Everything. For once in my life, I'm not afraid anymore."

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	31. The End

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight or it's characters, lord knows if we did, you'd be getting the story of Alice and Jasper in June NOT the story of Bree…**

**K: **Wow… so here it is… Completed fic number two. While yes, this one is the middle child for us, it is still hard to let go. I just want to say thank you to the group of true fans of this story as well as those Jasper/Bella, Edward/Bella and Jasper/Edwards that have crossed over to the dark side to experience some Jalice lovin'. Thank you for the support, love and devotion y'all have given this fic. And you know what? Thanks to the haters too. ;)

**Robs: ***sniffles* It's so hard to say goodbye to this fic, the characters, everything. I want to thank everyone who has added this fic to their favs, their alerts, everyone who has EVER reviewed, and everyone who has pimped this story out to their friends. It's so amazing to us how much attention this story has gotten and it is so hard to say goodbye.

**Special thanks to Amber, who beta'd this for us. We love you hard girly. **

**And another special thanks to our girls, you know who you are, y'all stood by us and supported us and loved us even when everything was going wrong. We love y'all and will never forget it. **

**And last a special thanks to all of those who stuck with this story until the bitter end. You have no idea how much that means to us.**

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_Alice: That was a very sad story. _  
_Tweedle Dee: Aye, but there's a moral to it. _  
_Alice: Oh, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster._

_**Alice in Wonderland.**_

**Epilogue- The End.**

You were born Holden Edward Cullen on an abnormally bright and sunny day in May. They asked me your name and it fell out of my mouth without a second thought. I looked over at your mom and she beamed at me, positively radiant and happy tears were streaming down her face.

The look on Edward's face was one of shock and happy surprise when we told him your name. We'd originally planned to give you Emmett's name as a middle name, but for some odd reason when the time came I gave you Edward's instead. Not that I regretted it, no not in the least, I was worried that your mom would be upset about it. But she wasn't. She seemed really pleased with it and that is all that mattered to me.

We moved into our little house a few weeks after you were born, which was perfect because Grandma was right there to help us out since we were both going to college and whatnot. I ended up Majoring in Social Work while your mom Majored in Art.

A year later, we got married. We had an evening wedding in my parent's backyard, amid the twinkle lights and soft music. She wore a white dress, I wore a suit and I got chastised for kissing her a little too long when the minister told me to kiss the bride and we danced pretty much all night.

Through it all we had you keeping us grounded with your bright green eyes and jet black hair and exuberant personality. You helped keep me clean and I haven't touched Meth since that warm July day almost eleven years ago.

A few years later you asked for a sibling and we were more than happy to give you one, but that wasn't in the cards for us. You were our miracle, and it was a shock to the doctors that we even had you. So as much as you have hated it, you are and will be our only child. Hopefully being raised closely with your cousins helps to erase the sting of loneliness that being an only child can cause.

We let you follow your heart, you've taken piano lessons, played football, soccer, baseball and even though you'd kill us for telling anyone, you took ballet lessons. You've gone with me to California to visit Grandma Whitlock's grave and you and your mother were my source of strength when my biological father passed.

Your mother gave me hope and you forced me to live. I can never thank you both enough. Someday I will give you this notebook with our story and you will understand it all, understand where you came from and why our family is just a little bit different. But for now, I'm content in letting you think that we're the perfect ones and everyone else is screwed up, and you never know, you could be right.

The scars are still all over my body, I've gone to counseling, but it was you and your mother who helped me accept them. You never asked how I got them and just thought it was a part of who I was, that is what really changed things in me. You saw things in a completely different light than me or your mother could. We're quite jaded and cynical from the lessons life gave us, but you've remained innocent and have a firm belief in good and righteousness.

I love you and am proud to call you my son.

*~*~*~*

I flipped the old yellowed notebook closed, tears clouding my eyes as I did my best to wipe them away. I couldn't let Logan see, she would worry too much if she saw me cry. I understood what my dad meant about loving someone so much it consumed you, it was the way I felt about my wife.

The wife my parents both adored. We gave them grandchildren, five to be exact and my mother loved and doted on all of them while my father, quite possibly the quietest and most reserved man on this planet, would light up each and every time they came for a visit. Our children gave us grandchildren and them great-grandchildren.

Even though my father's health suffered, my mother's eyesight waned the one thing that never faded was their love for one another. While other kids' parents got divorced or grew cold towards each other, mine were always hugging and kissing, clearly affectionate towards each other. I often caught my father in the kitchen with my mother holding her from behind as she cooked and swaying to some unheard beat.

My father lost his fight against lung cancer about a month ago, my mother died in his arms on the very same night. It wasn't entirely a shock, they were both in their eighties and had lived long and full lives, but it was a double impact on my heart. I was their only child and I missed their presence. I felt guilty as I looked through their possessions, their love for me and for each other was extremely evident in every single picture they had. I found this notebook amongst their effects and despite my apprehension; I took it home to read.

I am glad I read it, I understand them both so much better now. My father's unnerving jealousy at times towards my Uncle Edward, my mother's agitation whenever I asked her about a particular drawing, and their attachment to each other. Even all those time when I felt like I was intruding, when they stood together, forehead to forehead just staring into each other's eyes.

We never lived in a big fancy house and we never a huge family but my parents were loved by anyone who met them. They would always be known for being kind and good hearted people who would help out just about anyone in their time of need. Well over a hundred people showed up to pay their respects at their funeral.

I pressed my lips against the book before I tucked it safely away in my desk drawer and walked to the kitchen to see my wife. My parents would be missed, but they left behind their story, one I hoped would never be forgotten.

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